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1
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[mellow electronic music]
2
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,600
[Natalie] Hi Karl. Only me.
3
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Karl?
4
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,200
Oh my God!
5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,240
Can you hear me? Karl, wake up!
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[Karl groans]
7
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Sorry, this is weird.
8
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[Karl] Hmm? No, no it was good.
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00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,440
This is your sexual fantasy?
You look dead.
10
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,760
But I'm not, though, I'm concussed.
When mouth to mouth doesn't work,
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00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,680
you revive me
the only way you can think of.
12
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,960
By sitting on your face?
13
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,840
-Uh-huh.
-You know a doctor wouldn't do that?
14
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But you're not a doctor,
you're a member of the public.
15
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A member of the public
wouldn't do it either.
16
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Look, I find amateur first aid sexy.
17
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[sighs] This is ridiculous!
18
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Look, Natalie, you offered,
if you don't want to do it--
19
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No, no. Okay, sorry, sorry.
So, you wake up, and...
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And then, to thank you for saving my life,
I have sex with you.
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[Karl grunts]
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Okay. Can we just change it
so that I'm not straddling a corpse?
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Fine. I'll think of something else.
Give me a minute.
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[Karl groans]
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[bangs and thuds]
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[Karl groans] Ah... help, help!
Come quick.
27
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Oh, thank God!
28
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I slipped and I somehow managed
to trap my wang in a drawer.
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Quick, get the margarine.
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["Work" playing]
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[techno music]
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[Natalie] Yeah.
33
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[Angela] I'm doing a fire drill.
34
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[Trish] Angela, we haven't got time
to do a fire drill. We're very busy.
35
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Have you got time to burn to death?
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-Why don't we do a mock fire drill?
-That's what a fire drill is.
37
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No, but a mock of the mock.
38
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-What? Like a mock-mock?
-[Natalie] Yeah, a mock-mock.
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We'll run through it quickly in here,
and then no one needs to go outside.
40
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I love that, Natalie.
41
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Okay everyone, uh,
quick staff huddle, please.
42
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We're going to do a run-through
of what to do in a fire drill.
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[Karl groans]
44
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-But it's drizzling.
-We're not going outside.
45
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-We're going to pretend.
-Let's set the scene with a bit of improv.
46
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Okay, Paul and Janette,
imagine you're near the doors.
47
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Everyone else, you're at your desks.
48
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,320
[Ash] Technically, Trish,
I don't use a desk.
49
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,680
[Karl] Mmm. We could imagine
Ash is talking to me.
50
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[Ash] That could work. I sometimes
stand at Karl's desk and talk to him.
51
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,880
Perfect. So, you're all working away,
it's just a normal afternoon.
52
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[Paul] What time?
If it's between three and four,
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there's a good chance
I'll be on the toilet.
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[Trish] Okay, it's 11 in the morning.
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That's when Janette goes.
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Right, no one's on the toilet,
57
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-everyone's at their stations.
-Apart from--
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[Trish] Apart from Ash,
who's talking to Karl.
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Okay? And then, suddenly,
the fire alarm goes off. Natalie?
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[mimicking a fire alarm]
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[Ash] Sorry Trish, um, actually
loud noises give me nose bleeds.
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Fine. Natalie, make the sound
of a fire alarm,
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but do it quietly
so Ash doesn't haemorrhage.
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-[softly] Whoo...
-[Trish] Paul and Janette,
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00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,520
you pretend to get
the job seekers out at the front.
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And then we all go out the back
to the fire assembly point.
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-Where's that?
-It's in the car park.
68
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,040
Yes, but for argument's sake,
let's say it's this hole punch here.
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00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,240
Okay everyone,
evacuate to the hole punch please.
70
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,000
Stop now, Natalie,
you're giving me tinnitus.
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-[Natalie stops]
-Now we're outside.
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Angela blows her whistle
to get everyone's attention.
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[Trish] Don't bother, Angela,
we know what a whistle sounds like.
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[Natalie] Then Angela does a roll call
to make sure everyone's here.
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[Trish] Don't bother Angela,
we know everyone's here.
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This is a farce.
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Everyone still alive?
78
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,200
Good. Great work, Team Brownall.
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Okay, Natalie... we could... yeah.
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[fire alarm rings]
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Oh, for frig's sake. Angela!
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Come on, everyone,
through the kitchen and into the carpark.
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Let's just get this over and done with.
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Karl, the centre's going to be empty
for ten minutes, maybe we could...
85
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Catch up on some photocopying?
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I'm joking. You want to have sex at work?
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Yes. It's the last one on my list.
Come on!
88
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What?
89
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[smoke detector beeping]
90
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Mike and the Mechanics!
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[Paul] The bloody sink's on fire.
92
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Put it out, the whole place will go up!
93
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Stand back everybody, I've got this.
94
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Wait. Is that
the right kind of fire extinguisher?
95
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Depends what's burning.
96
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-It's Trish's scarf.
-How did that happen?
97
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This has got water, can I use that?
98
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No! You can't put water
on a burning pashmina.
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It'll take your face off.
100
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,720
Calm down Janette,
you're thinking of a chip pan.
101
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,840
Well, that's never happened to me before.
102
00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:21,079
[Karl] Ah! What? So, your fantasy
is to have sex in Trish's office?
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The boss's office.
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-[Karl groans]
-Come on, we've done your fantasy.
105
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-No, we haven't.
-All right, we tried, but we couldn't,
106
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because it was about as sexy
as going to the dentist.
107
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Alright. Well, so what happens
in your sexual fantasy, then?
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Well... you're the boss,
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-[Karl grunts]
-and I've been late three times
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-[Karl clicks tongue]
-and I need to be reprimanded.
111
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Yeah? What do you want? A verbal warning?
112
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-No...
-Hmm?
113
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I want you to spank me on the bottom
with a shatterproof ruler.
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Nah, I'm not feeling it.
115
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Are you serious?
116
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Yeah. No, I'm not up for it.
It's just... ridiculous.
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Don't be childish.
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I just think sex
in the manager's office is... weird.
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This coming from the man who probably
knocks one out over Holby City.
120
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,360
I told you, I like amateur first aid.
121
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I'm sorry, St. John's Ambulance.
Either way, it's not normal.
122
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And what? What? And this is? Is it
getting jiggy with it on Trish's filo-fax?
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It's more normal than having sex
with someone who's in a coma.
124
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Yeah? Well, I do that every night anyway.
125
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Yeah? Well, you won't be doing it tonight.
126
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Yeah? Well... good!
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-Good.
-Good. Whoa. That's... that was abuse.
128
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-[Paul] I need some kind of fire blanket!
-Smother it with this!
129
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[all sigh in relief]
130
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[all gasp]
131
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Bloody hell Trish!
That's not fire retarded!
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-[Ash] She means retardant.
-You're meant to dampen it first!
133
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With what? I can't get to the taps, can I?
There's a fire in the way!
134
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I don't know, milk?
135
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,400
-Milk?
-Not milk. Milk burns.
136
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,680
-Alright, yoghurt!
-You're thinking of thrush.
137
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We need to evacuate.
138
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No way! If my centre's going down,
I'm going down with her.
139
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I'm calling the fire brigade.
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-[bang]
-[Ash groans]
141
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-What's going on?
-There's a shitting fire in the sink!
142
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-Well, put it out then.
-No!
143
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,480
-[alarm stops]
-What have you done?
144
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,440
We were... we were dealing
with an emergency situation,
145
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,680
and, and your anorak was deployed
in a crucial role to tackle the blaze.
146
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,480
-That was my new coat.
-[coughing]
147
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,600
Angela, what are you doing in a cupboard?
148
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-Proving you don't know what you're doing.
-By hiding in a cupboard?
149
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I'm a confused member of the public.
150
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Didn't you hear the alarm?
151
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I'm deaf and confused. And now I'm dead.
152
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[mellow electronic music]
153
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You were disrespecting
my authority as fire warden.
154
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,920
How did the fire start, Angela?
155
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-The fire was a result of poor training--
-[Natalie] No, literally,
156
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,280
how did Trish's scarf
set fire to itself in the staff room?
157
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,840
Polyester. Highly flammable.
158
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,080
It's actually twenty percent silk.
It's Jaeger.
159
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,240
Doesn't matter.
160
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,960
[Natalie] So, Trish's scarf
just floated off the coat stand
161
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,360
and spontaneously combusted in the sink?
162
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Are you accusing me of arson?
163
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-No.
-Yes.
164
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,240
That's slander.
165
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Okay Angela, what do you want?
166
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Proper fire drills.
167
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Fine, fine, we'll do proper drills.
168
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,160
And a deputy fire warden
who answers only to me.
169
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,600
Alright, you can have Janette.
170
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,600
And 1,000 pound budget
for new fire safety equipment.
171
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,560
Come on, Angela, you're being ridiculous.
172
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If you don't take our safety seriously,
I will call a strike.
173
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Whoa there, horsey! There's no need
to be hasty.
174
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No one wants a strike.
175
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,560
Then give me 1,000 pounds
for new fire safety equipment.
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00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,400
[Natalie] You'll find Trish and I
are tough cookies, Angela,
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00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,960
and we're not just gonna roll over
the moment someone threatens a strike.
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00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,520
[Natalie] Karl is modelling this season's
most advanced in fire safety equipment.
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00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,480
-[Karl, muffled] Can I take this off now?
-Sorry, I can't understand you.
180
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,960
-Can I take this off now?
-No.
181
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,720
-I can't breathe.
-Good.
182
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,560
Sorry, I can't wear that mask,
I get claustrophobic.
183
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,840
Seriously, I once had a panic attack
in a pair of swimming goggles.
184
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,560
Right. Now, obviously,
all this equipment didn't come cheap.
185
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,880
So, we will have to make some cutbacks.
186
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,320
Unfortunately the centre's monthly
donation to the local hospice
187
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,520
has had to be cancelled.
188
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,680
Can't be helped.
189
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,160
[Natalie] It also means we won't have
a staff Christmas party.
190
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:32,320
[Paul and Janette] What?
191
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,320
[Karl] You can't cancel--
192
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,720
You can't... you can't cancel
the Christmas party.
193
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:37,559
That's the best thing about working here.
194
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,480
[Trish] We'll have a party
in the staff room.
195
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,159
I'll bring in some mince pies.
196
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,120
[Paul] No way, we have a full
festive buffet and disco, it's tradition.
197
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,200
Angela, seeing as you're fire warden,
198
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,840
can you explain to everyone
why this equipment is more important
199
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:51,880
than a Christmas Party?
200
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,560
No. Christmas
is the most magical time of the year.
201
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,320
-Oh, for crying out loud.
-You see.
202
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:04,080
This is another example
of management not taking us seriously.
203
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,400
Karl, as a grown-up, I'm sure
you can see that health and safety
204
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,120
is far more important
than a staff Christmas party.
205
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,320
[staff scoff]
206
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,600
-[Karl] What do we want?
-[staff] A Christmas party.
207
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,400
-[Karl] When do we want it?
-December.
208
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,520
-What do we want?
-A Christmas party.
209
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,280
-When do we want it?
-December.
210
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,680
Tell you what, Natalie, why don't you
let me negotiate from now on.
211
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,040
-[Karl] What do we want?
-[staff] A Christmas party.
212
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,840
-When do we want it?
-December.
213
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:30,880
["Work" playing]
214
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,480
Karl, stop being a tit.
215
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:36,200
I know you're doing this because I said
your sexual fantasy was ridiculous.
216
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,440
-Which it is.
-No, not true.
217
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,400
I'm doing this
because having a staff Christmas party
218
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,760
-is a fundamental human right.
-I'm pretty sure it's not.
219
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,000
Yeah, I'm doing this
because I want to wear
220
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,440
a novelty jumper and a little paper hat.
221
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:49,920
-[Janette] Yeah!
-[Karl] I want to pull crackers
222
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,080
and share shit jokes with my co-workers.
223
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,480
-[staff] Yes!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
224
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,000
I'm doing this
because I don't want fire blankets.
225
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,600
-No. I want pigs in blankets.
-[staff] Yes!
226
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,960
[Karl] Yeah, yeah. I'm doing this
because if management won't let us
227
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,000
have our turkey and stuffing,
then stuff them.
228
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,040
-[staff] Yeah!
-[Janette] Stuff them!
229
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,600
-[Paul] That's right, Karl.
-[staff] Yeah!
230
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:14,120
[Ash] I am angry! And I do not eat meat
or celebrate Christmas.
231
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,000
-What do we want?
-[staff] A Christmas party!
232
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,480
-When do we want it?
-December!
233
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,280
-What do we want?
-[staff] A Christmas party!
234
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,400
Okay, unfortunately,
due to industrial action,
235
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,920
we are experiencing some delays.
236
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,800
-[staff yells outside]
-So, um, please bear with us, okay?
237
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,880
Why is Karl being so unreasonable?
Has something happened between you two?
238
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,920
-Have you had a lovers' tiff?
-It's nothing.
239
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,800
-Romantic spat?
-I don't want to talk.
240
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,640
-Erotic feud?
-Trish.
241
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,680
What the merry frig
are we going to do, then?
242
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,240
Well... we'll have to sign everyone on.
243
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:47,760
Oh, I suppose you're right.
Come on, Trish, back to the coal face.
244
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,240
-[Karl] What do we want?
-[staff] A Christmas party!
245
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,000
-[Karl] When do we want it?
-[staff] December!
246
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,080
What have you done to find work
in the last two weeks?
247
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,760
-[John] Excuse me.
-Love it, hold that thought.
248
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,920
[Trish] Follow the instructions.
Fill it in.
249
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,600
-[John] Excuse me. I think--
-Be right with you.
250
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,120
Got to deal with something else.
I'll be right back.
251
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,680
-Can I just have a second--
-Okay, just a sec. Uh, yes, yes.
252
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,120
-Listen, I need to have a chat--
-Hang on.
253
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,360
[John] No! No!
254
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,640
I won't let you two women
keep palming me off.
255
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,960
Oh. Sounds rude.
256
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,240
Sorry. Okay. No, I know a lot of you
have been waiting a long time.
257
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,880
So, new plan, we're going to sign
you all on together, okay?
258
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,080
Great! Now, who remembers
how to do the hokey cokey?
259
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,400
[electronic music]
260
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:39,640
[Paul] It is five and twenty past the hour
and I have a king's thirst.
261
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,760
[Paul] Who's for a flagon of ale?
262
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,960
Oh, this is fun. Thank you.
263
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,360
Isn't it just? Getting paid
for hanging around doing nothing.
264
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,840
Don't you do that every day?
265
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:51,880
Cheek.
266
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,920
Anyway, we're not getting paid.
267
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,800
-What?
-You don't get paid
268
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,480
-if you're on strike, Paul.
-Bloody hell.
269
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,440
-[man] What are you lot striking about?
-They cancelled our Christmas party.
270
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,200
Wankers.
271
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,040
I know. It's a disgrace.
272
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,360
He's talking about us, Janette.
273
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,280
[thunder]
274
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,200
[Karl] Oh.
275
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,480
Has anyone got a spare cagoule?
276
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,720
Perhaps we should go in.
277
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,600
What? And let them win?
278
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,280
Never. Do you want them
to call you a quitter?
279
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,640
But it's about to rain
and I'm terrified of thunderstorms.
280
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,640
We are not going anywhere.
281
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,960
[Ash] I don't want to be struck
by lightening, Karl. Not again.
282
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,680
[Natalie] Okay, so...
283
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,720
-[phones ringing]
-♪ Put your left leg in ♪
284
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,520
♪ If you've been looking for workIn the last two weeks ♪
285
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,240
♪ And shake it all about ♪
286
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,760
♪ If you've managed to get an interview ♪
287
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,600
[Natalie] Good.
288
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:47,880
[multiple phones ringing]
289
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,400
[whispers] Natalie, I think
this might be degrading.
290
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,760
No, it's fun.
291
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,000
-Are we still supposed to be shaking?
-Um...
292
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,960
Let's give them the ruddy Christmas party
293
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,360
so they come back to work.
294
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,800
I know, I'll get
another credit card, or something.
295
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,720
And let them win? Never.
296
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,120
We won't be held to ransom
over a tray of sausage rolls
297
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,160
and a mobile disco.
298
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,640
We need to show them
these ladies are not for turning.
299
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,400
♪ And turn around ♪
300
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,800
♪ If you're here to talkAbout Disability Living Allowance ♪
301
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,680
No? No-one for that one.
302
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,760
-[thunder]
-[slow electronic music]
303
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:19,680
[staff mumbling]
304
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,680
[Jodie] Excuse me,
I'm from the Evening News.
305
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,360
Can you tell me a about this strike?
306
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,960
[Karl] No, I'm not talking
to the press about this.
307
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,040
That's a shame.
308
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,200
I thought you and I could go
for a quiet drink and a chat.
309
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,680
On the other hand,
I do quite like drinking and chatting...
310
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,480
You'd really be helping me out.
311
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,680
...and helping people out.
312
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:55,360
Shall we?
313
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,840
[knock on the door]
314
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,160
See, I told you, stand firm,
and show them who's boss.
315
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,280
["Work" playing]
316
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,720
[inaudible speech]
317
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,640
Okay here's our offer.
318
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,920
We will send back four fire extinguishers,
three fire blankets and a gas mask,
319
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,360
and you can have a mini disco, a pay-bar
and a cold buffet.
320
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,440
No chance. A cold buffet
basically means salad and dips.
321
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,160
Hummus makes me gag.
322
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,840
[Paul] At the very least,
we want warm sausage rolls.
323
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:34,800
Preferably hot.
324
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,040
[inaudible speech]
325
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,160
You can have hot sausage rolls,
326
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,760
but we're losing
the collapsible escape ladder.
327
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,800
[Angela] No, the escape ladder is crucial
should we need to evacuate via a window.
328
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,600
-Which side are you on, Angela?
-My own.
329
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,960
We're on the ground floor. We don't need
a ladder to get out of the window.
330
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,720
-What about Janette?
-Oh, good point.
331
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,720
Leave this with me, I'm going to use
something called "reverse psychology".
332
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,360
-[inaudible speech]
-[Ash clears his throat]
333
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:07,160
I tell you what, forget it, we don't even
want a Christmas party, cancel it.
334
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,680
Oh. Fine, let's do that.
335
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,760
-[Trish and Natalie laugh]
-[Trish] Okay.
336
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,080
Okay. That's backfired.
I'm handing back over to you.
337
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,360
Alright, we'll keep the ladder,
338
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,320
I'll get my brother-in-law
to do the disco, at cost,
339
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,240
but we want a hot buffet
and a hundred quid behind the bar.
340
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,480
Fifty quid behind the bar.
341
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,640
Seventy five.
342
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,560
Deal.
343
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,920
Angela, happy with that?
344
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:35,440
No.
345
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,880
Well, tough tits.
346
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,640
Back to work everyone, please.
347
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,200
-What about Karl?
-Where is Karl?
348
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,320
[slow pop music]
349
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,200
I think what you're doing is so brave.
350
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,200
You know, I think
if you believe in something,
351
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,240
you got to stand up
and fight for your right...
352
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,760
to have a Christmas party.
353
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,560
So, are you the rebel in the office?
354
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,640
Oh yeah, I'm always mucking about, me.
355
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,520
I'm a bit of a maverick. Well, in fact...
356
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,200
that's what they call me: Maverick.
357
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,880
Maverick? Really? Like in Top Gun?
358
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,320
Mm-hm. Yep. "Top Fun", more like.
359
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,320
[exhales heavily] I am such a card.
360
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,800
I bet you are.
Tell me some of the stuff you get up to.
361
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,120
Uh, well...
362
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,240
sometimes we come to the pub
after work and have, like...
363
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,840
three pints of quite strong lager
and no tea.
364
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,040
Just crisps. [wheezing]
365
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,200
Okay.
366
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,720
-Anything else naughty?
-[Karl] Um...
367
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,200
[stutters] Yeah. I had sex
in the manager's office.
368
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,320
Really? With the manager?
369
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,400
Oh no, no.
370
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,320
The deputy manager,
but it was on the manager's desk.
371
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,040
I, uh...
372
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,200
I spanked her on the bottom
with a shatterproof ruler.
373
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,560
-[laughs] That is naughty!
-[Karl grunts]
374
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,160
Is she your girlfriend?
375
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,720
[scoffs] Nah, nothing serious.
376
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,960
-You need another drink.
-[Karl grunts]
377
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,000
Listen, I've got
a bottle of vodka at my flat.
378
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,360
Why don't you come back, and I'll...
379
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,280
get you out of those damp clothes.
380
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,840
[grumbles] No.
381
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,640
I can't. Sorry.
382
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,560
Thank you for the beer
and the flirting, but...
383
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,519
I've just realised
I've been a complete dickhead.
384
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,600
["Work" playing]
385
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,800
[phone dialling]
386
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,880
[Karl voice message]
This is Karl. I can't--
387
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,240
Natalie!
388
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,800
-[thud]
-[tires screech]
389
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,080
[Natalie] Shit!
390
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,000
Oh my God. Karl!
391
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,520
Are you alright? Karl? Wake up!
392
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,880
Are you alright? Karl?
393
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,360
Oh my God. Wake up!
394
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,600
This is the bit where you sit on my face.
395
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,720
-Oh, you twat.
-Hmm. Correct.
396
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,200
I'm sorry for that stupid strike.
397
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,080
And for denting your Corsa.
398
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,600
It's alright.
399
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,920
Sorry I said
your sexual fantasy was weird.
400
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,560
-Have you been drinking?
-Uh-huh. Correct again.
401
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,320
I've had three pints of quite strong lager
and no tea. Just crisps.
402
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,480
We should get you checked out
at the hospital.
403
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,840
[Karl sighs] How many times?
I like amateur first aid.
404
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,120
Alright, well come back to mine
and I'll put you in a sling or something.
405
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,880
[Karl] Thank you, kind nurse.
406
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,440
Ooh. I also think
I may have badly bruised my todger.
407
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,560
-Don't push it.
-I don't think I can.
408
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,120
[upbeat pop music]
409
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,000
[radio] Good morning!It's a beautiful day in Birmingham,
410
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,960
but do avoidthe Aston Expressway if you can,
411
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,920
as the traffic is at a standstill.
412
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,680
Angela, why are you still here?
We reached an agreement.
413
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:02,840
You might have.
414
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,000
You never come
to the Christmas party, anyway.
415
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,360
Scab.
416
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,040
[Paul] Here they are, the sex-mad staff
of Brownall Job Centre.
417
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,600
I just hope
you wiped everything down after.
418
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,680
What are you talking about?
419
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,200
[Trish] You had a drink with a journalist
yesterday afternoon, Karl?
420
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,200
-[slow electronic music]
-Huh? What? No...
421
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,800
She secretly filmed the whole thing.
422
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,920
[Karl] I had sex in the manager's office.
423
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,760
-[Jodie] With the manager?-No, no.
424
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,600
The deputy manager,but it was on the manager's desk.
425
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,720
I spanked her on the bottomwith a shatterproof ruler.
426
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,240
-Karl!
-Huh?
427
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,480
[Jodie] Is she your girlfriend?
428
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,600
[Karl scoffs] Nah. Nothing serious.
429
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,520
[Paul inhales sharply]
430
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,720
"Nothing serious"?
431
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,080
[stutters] I can explain...
432
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,680
-Can you?
-No.
433
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,480
[Trish] Not only have the papers
run a story about the strike,
434
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,080
they've also run a story
about how the staff of Brownall Jobcentre
435
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,640
are more likely to be...
"on the job, than finding you a job".
436
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,400
-It's all over the internet.
-You're trendy on Twitter.
437
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,760
The comments are brilliant, though.
"Filling holes, not roles."
438
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,640
[Paul] I'd have gone with
"friends with benefits".
439
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,440
-"Blow job centre."
-Alright, Janette.
440
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,320
[Trish] I mean, is it true?
Did you have sex on my desk?
441
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,320
No, we definitely did not. Did we, Karl?
442
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,240
No.
443
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,560
[Trish] So why did you tell
the journalist you did?
444
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,160
-I was showing off.
-Why were you showing off?
445
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,280
Yeah, why?
446
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,640
-I thought she was--
-You thought she was what?
447
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,160
-Speak up.
-Come on.
448
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,080
-Because I thought she was fit.
-Because you thought she was fit.
449
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:44,400
[Trish] Head office have agreed
not to sack you, but you must both attend
450
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,440
a week-long occupational therapy course
which deals with...
451
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,400
[quietly] sexual addiction.
452
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,440
Which the centre has to pay for,
which means we have to cancel
453
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,920
the Christmas party.
Again. Well done Karl.
454
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:55,920
[all groan]
455
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,600
Oh, you have ruined my Christmas.
456
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,480
Think I'll just stand out here
with you for a bit.
457
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,920
Excuse me. Can you help me
cross the road, please?
458
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:18,280
Piss off.
459
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,480
[Angela] What do we want?
Health and safety.
460
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,080
When do we want it? Now.
461
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,000
["Work" playing]
37105
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