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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,040
[funky electric guitar]
2
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,080
[Trish] Can you move along please?
You can't settle here.
3
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,320
Oh. Paul, thank God it's you.
4
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,120
[Paul] What, did you think
them gypsies were back?
5
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,080
How many times, Paul?
6
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,520
They're called nomadic travellers.
And yes, I did.
7
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:27,880
What are you doing here?
8
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,640
Well, I was going to pitch up
next to the canal,
9
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,160
but it's 40 quid a night
and full of doggers.
10
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,360
Why?
11
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,720
Because there's plenty
of big bushes next to that tow path.
12
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,640
No, why are you in your caravan?
13
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,440
It's Yvette. She's kicked me out.
14
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,280
[sighs] What happened?
15
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,800
She's mad, because I finally told
her sister what I think of her.
16
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,040
Do you not like her sister?
17
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,440
Oh no, quite the opposite.
18
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,520
[scoffs] Well, Paul, all I can say is
you're lucky it's a Friday night.
19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,360
I've got more cheap vino than you'd find
20
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,440
at a big, fat,
nomadic traveller's wedding.
21
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,120
-[Trish giggles]
-All aboard!
22
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,760
[Trish giggles] Toot, toot! Here I come.
23
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,080
["Work" playing]
24
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,120
[Trish and Paul laughing]
25
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,320
Do you know, the last time
I was in a caravan,
26
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:26,160
I was 19 and I had to share a tiny
pull out bed with my two best friends.
27
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,600
Now there's a mental image.
28
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,480
Seriously though, check this out.
29
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,440
[Paul] Look at that action.
30
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,200
Oh, that is impressive, Paul.
31
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:41,720
Memory foam.
32
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,720
Because you'll never forget
a night spent on this bed.
33
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,400
-[knock on the door]
-Who's that?
34
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,320
It could be Yvette.
35
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,560
Oh God. What if she thinks we were...
I mean, not that we would...
36
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:50,720
-Hide!
-[knock on the door]
37
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,440
[Paul] Hold on, won't be a moment.
38
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:54,840
[door clicks open]
39
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,360
Janette!
40
00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:01,040
I thought you might be glad
of a proper dinner, faggots and...
41
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:03,480
peas.
42
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,520
[unsettling music playing]
43
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,560
I know them shoes.
44
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,600
Patricia Collingwood!
45
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,600
Janette! Hiya!
46
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,360
We're just enjoying
a completely innocent, friendly drink.
47
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,160
You didn't waste much time, did you?
48
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:30,000
You do not deserve my faggots.
49
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,680
[Janette] Fornicators!
50
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:33,880
[funky techno music]
51
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,880
[Trish sighs]
52
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,960
Karl, you need to take
this staff appraisal seriously.
53
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,280
[Karl] I am taking it seriously.
54
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,960
Where it says, "Where
do you want to be in five years' time",
55
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,120
you've drawn a picture of yourself
at Warwick Castle.
56
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,480
[Karl] I've never been.
57
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,360
[Natalie] Well, we'll go
for your birthday.
58
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,840
But right now, I'm your deputy manager,
59
00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:00,720
not your girlfriend, and there is actually
a serious issue we need to address today.
60
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,720
[Karl] Mm-hm.
61
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,280
On average, you're signing on over 80%
of your job seekers.
62
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,800
That's the highest rate
in the whole of the centre.
63
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,120
Yes! Get in! Ta-da!
64
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:11,840
Don't leave me hanging.
65
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,760
That's not a good thing, Karl.
It's a bad thing.
66
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,000
[Karl sighs]
67
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,160
You need to start getting
more job seekers off benefits, and soon.
68
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,320
I hate to say this,
but you should take a look at Angela.
69
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,240
[exhales sharply] You hate Angela.
70
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,680
Yeah, I do, I really do.
71
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,360
But she is annoyingly effective.
72
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,960
-[Natalie] You need to toughen up.
-I can toughen up.
73
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,880
Says the guy who cried watching Frozen.
74
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,840
I thought we were keeping this
professional.
75
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:39,200
You just need to show me that you can,
you know... man up.
76
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,520
Like when Princess Elsa mastered
her ice powers and saved her kingdom?
77
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,880
No, Karl, you need to be strong,
and forceful and direct.
78
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,200
You need to stop being so passive.
79
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,360
When I ask you if you want
deep pan or thin crust,
80
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,800
don't just say you don't mind.
81
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:51,800
Well, I don't mind.
82
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,360
I want you to mind!
83
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,480
[yells] Okay. I hate thin crust!
84
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,200
[Natalie] That's it! That is the Karl
I want you to be out there.
85
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,560
Now, go get them.
86
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,600
["Work" playing]
87
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,480
[Ash] Morning.
88
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,680
[Ash chuckles] Is this for charity
or something? "Dress Like a Tramp Monday!"
89
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:10,760
My wife's kicked me out.
90
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,800
Oh, Paul, I am so sorry.
91
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,480
Where's your uniform?
92
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,360
Yvette won't let me
back in the house to get it.
93
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,800
You can hardly blame her.
94
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,280
-Nothing was going on.
-I've tried telling her.
95
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,120
I caught the pair of you "in Hughgrante".
96
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,800
It's in flagrante.
Sorry, what are we talking about?
97
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,320
Janette, I don't know what you think
you saw, but nothing happened.
98
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,720
I know what I saw.
99
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,920
You spread-eagled
in your bra and knick-knicks.
100
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,800
Probably waiting for him to tie you up
101
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,520
and whip you
with a retractable washing line.
102
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,680
-What?
-It's etched on my memory, Trish.
103
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,640
[Trish] Janette, I didn't even know
he had a retractable washing line.
104
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,040
Home-wrecker.
105
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,200
[female employee]
Hello. Brownall Job Centre.
106
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,200
Angela, is that
a food blender on your desk?
107
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,200
[Angela] It's not a food blender.
It's a medical masticator.
108
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,880
[Trish] Well, it looks
like a blender to me.
109
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:03,280
I assume you know the rules
about food preparation at a work station?
110
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,440
And I assume you know
the diversity guidelines:
111
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,120
"If you are disabled,
your employer must provide
112
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,440
the reasonable adjustments needed".
113
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,600
[Trish] But you're not disabled, Angela.
114
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,040
[Angela] I've got chronic I.B.S.
Masticating my food soothes my bowels.
115
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,000
I don't think I.B.S. counts
as a disability.
116
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,960
[Angela] There you are. You've clearly
never been caught in traffic
117
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,440
and forced to improvise
with a tube of Pringles.
118
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,800
-[buzzing]
-[inaudible speech]
119
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:48,800
[Kevin] Howdy partner.
120
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,000
[Karl] Howdy. Nice get-up.
121
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,240
Yeah, I do a bit of country
and western singing in my spare time.
122
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,560
Oh... can I have a biscuit?
123
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,480
Um...
124
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,520
No. Sorry.
125
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,240
Right, sir, uh...
have you been looking for work?
126
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,720
Well, you know what they say,
127
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,120
you can lead a horse to water,
but you can't make it drink.
128
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,440
Mm-hm. So, have you?
129
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,480
No.
130
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,080
But I have been doing
a whole load of singing, though.
131
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,040
Oh... Well, singing doesn't count.
132
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,160
Okay. I can get you an interview
133
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,200
at the main Poundland depot
on Thursday afternoon.
134
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,920
[Kevin] Ah. No can do,
I'm afraid, Kemosabe.
135
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,640
See, I've got to be in Tipton
at four for a sound check.
136
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,120
It's a big event,
called The Wild West Midlands.
137
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,160
-You're gonna have to miss it.
-[Kevin] I can't do that.
138
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,400
It's my big chance.
I'm supporting Johnny Cash-Back.
139
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,920
He's great, and if you don't like him,
you get a refund.
140
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,040
Well, I can't accept hobbies as an excuse.
141
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,080
If it's getting in the way
of seeking employment,
142
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,040
I have to be tough about it.
143
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,520
[Kevin] This is more
than a hobby, this is my dream.
144
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,640
Okay, well, this isn't the X-Factor, mate.
145
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,880
Now, let's just get you
a proper career, shall we?
146
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,160
As a pallet driver at Poundland.
147
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,400
Well, it looks like
we've got ourselves a stand-off,
148
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,320
because I ain't going to no Poundland.
149
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,400
Well, let me put it this-a way...
150
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,760
If you refuse, I'm stopping your benefits.
151
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,480
[dramatic guitar chord]
152
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,680
Are you drawing a line in the sand?
153
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,640
[dramatic guitar chord]
154
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,040
Yeah, I am, actually.
155
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,320
I am drawing a line in the sand.
156
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,640
[Kevin] Right.
You ain't seen the last of me.
157
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,200
-[dramatic guitar chord]
-I'll be back tomorrow. High noon.
158
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,560
Oh, okay.
Well, the first available appointment
159
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,120
isn't until ten past two.
So, good luck with that.
160
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,400
-[wood flute]
-[vibraslap]
161
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,680
Yeah. I hate thin crust. Whoo-hoo!
162
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,720
["Work" playing]
163
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:53,840
[inaudible speech]
164
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,120
-[Paul] Karl, you busy tonight?
-Mmm?
165
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,760
-Yeah, I'm meant to be seeing Natalie.
-Shame.
166
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,280
Us boys are heading out back
for a few beers in the caravan.
167
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,400
You know what?
168
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,960
Actually I'm up for that.
I can see Natalie any night.
169
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,960
-Great!
-Come on!
170
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,680
Yeah, let's make it
a proper lad's night, hey?
171
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,000
[Paul] Yeah. Beers, grub...
172
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,760
-Wrestling!
-No wrestling.
173
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,040
-Yeah.
[Karl] Let's have a game of poker. Huh?
174
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,240
-[clicks tongue] Yeah.
-[Paul] Yeah. Yeah.
175
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,520
Poker? Brilliant, yeah.
I've always wanted to give that a go.
176
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,480
Hang on... You've never played poker?
177
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,680
No, I'm absolutely useless with cards,
but it always looks like so much fun.
178
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:28,960
-[Ash] You know?
-[Paul] Right then.
179
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,280
We are definitely playing.
180
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,560
[Ash] Oh this is exciting.
What should I bring?
181
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:37,040
[Karl] Just bring yourself, Ash.
And, say, what, 80 quid in cash?
182
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,040
Come on Karl, it's his first time playing.
It'll be easier for him
183
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,480
-if we round it up to a... hundred.
184
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,119
[Karl] A hundred, yeah. Of course.
Yeah. Better be safe than sorry.
185
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,240
Great. You guys are the best.
186
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,760
Right, have you decided
what we're doing tonight?
187
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,800
Uh, yeah. You can do what you like,
I'm having a night with the boys.
188
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,120
-Really?
-Yeah, we might even order
189
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:02,880
a deep pan pizza.
In fact, we definitely will.
190
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,880
Karl, it was a staff review, get over it.
191
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,640
Oh come on. I wanted to go
to the cinema and get a curry.
192
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,040
[Karl] No. I want to hang out
with a recently separated, middle-aged man
193
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,000
and a shit therapist
in a caravan in a car park.
194
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,560
[funky techno music]
195
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:21,840
I've got two pair.
196
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:23,840
[Karl] Two pair.
197
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,040
[Ash] House!
198
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,240
-It's not bingo.
-Sorry, full house.
199
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,880
I guess that means I win again, right?
200
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,880
[Ash] Oh! I am having a great time!
201
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,320
I don't know how you do it.
202
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,480
Well, on that last hand, I could tell
you were bluffing, because your eyes
203
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,320
went up to the top left
and you touched your face.
204
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,440
And then I could tell Karl
was bluffing, because he said,
205
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,920
[whispers] "Oh, for fuck's sake",
when he looked at his cards.
206
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,920
This game is so much fun.
207
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,880
Back in a sec. [grunts]
208
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,920
Unbe-friggin-lievable.
209
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,240
[Karl grunts]
210
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,200
Paul, could I ask you something personal?
211
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,200
Having trouble getting your little soldier
to stand to attention?
212
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,960
Can't help you mate, never happened to me.
213
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,440
Yeah. No, it's not that.
214
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,160
Do you think I'm tough?
215
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,240
No.
216
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,120
[Karl] Hmm? Yeah, but...
217
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,120
I could be, though,
if I wanted to be, right?
218
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,320
No. Sorry mate.
It's just one of those things.
219
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,760
You've got small hands.
220
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,160
[toilet flushes]
221
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,920
Talk about needing a royal flush.
222
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,920
Wait. You didn't put toilet paper
down the loo, did you?
223
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,560
-No.
-[Paul] Only, it's a chemical toilet,
224
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,480
-can't take bog roll.
225
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,320
I didn't. No.
226
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,440
-You just touched your face.
-And your eyes went up to the left.
227
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,560
[Paul and Karl sniffing]
228
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,760
[Karl groans] What is that smell?
229
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,840
Shittin' Nora!
230
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:44,520
[Paul grunts]
231
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,520
What are you up to?
232
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,400
Cleaning up the damage done
last night by Sir Shits-a-Lot here.
233
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,600
What's the time?
I never thought I'd say this,
234
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,160
but thank god I've got to go to Bloxwich.
235
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,800
-[Paul] Can we be friends again?
-I suppose so.
236
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,320
It's not your fault you got tempted
onto the rocks by that siren.
237
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,560
Whatever you say. You can give
me a hand mopping out the bog.
238
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,600
No, Paul, we've got to get back inside.
239
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,040
Wait... Is that a swing ball?
240
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,880
Oh? So, you're back, are you?
241
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,840
This job centre ain't big enough
for the both of us.
242
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,560
What does that even mean?
243
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,800
It means I want my benefits.
And this is your final warning.
244
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,600
Oh, well, I'm not backing down.
245
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,280
If you want your money,
you're gonna have to do things my way.
246
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,560
I'm telling you that I want my money.
247
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:42,120
And I'm telling you, you're gonna
have to go through me to get it.
248
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,760
[Kevin] Well, that's big talk
for a man with such small hands.
249
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,080
Is there a problem here?
250
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,920
[Kevin] Yes. This man here
wants to take my dreams from me.
251
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,080
Well sir, if your dreams
are getting in the way
252
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,720
of you finding gainful employment,
he is entitled to do that.
253
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,680
Oh, we'll see about that.
254
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,000
-[Trish shrieks] Careful! He's got a gun.
-Karl, do something!
255
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,160
-Can't move. I'm frozen.
-Look, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
256
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,760
-I've only got one demand, which is...
-[blender buzzing]
257
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,000
[Kevin inaudible]
258
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,640
...with a rope ladder.
259
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,080
Have you not seen someone
masticate before?
260
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,560
-[Kevin] Right, that's it.
-[Trish squeals]
261
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,400
Me and the little lady here
are taking a walk.
262
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,240
-[Trish] Karl! Karl!
-[Kevin] Shh. Wait.
263
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:25,680
No funny stuff.
264
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,760
Where the hell is security?
265
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:28,920
[both grunting]
266
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,360
That's it!
267
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,720
-[Trish stutters] Mr. Cowboy--
-It's Kevin.
268
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,640
-Kevin the Cowboy.
-It's just Kevin.
269
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:39,760
Just Kevin the Cowboy.
270
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,760
-Kevin!
-[Trish shrieks] Please don't kill me!
271
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,440
Look, will you try and calm down?
272
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,520
[Trish] I'm sorry. I've never been
stuck-up at gunpoint before.
273
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,080
I was just... I was just thinking,
274
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:53,880
maybe now that they've evacuated
the building, we could go downstairs.
275
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,440
I would be happy to process your claim.
276
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,600
Too late for that.
277
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,240
Well, can we go inside at least?
We definitely shouldn't be up here.
278
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,000
-This is a health and safety nightmare.
-[Kevin] Well, of course it is,
279
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,560
we're up here on a roof
and I've got a gun.
280
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:06,800
[Trish shrieks] Please don't shoot me!
281
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,040
Sorry, I can't help it.
282
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,160
Will you just sit down and shut up?
283
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,840
-Yeah.
-I'm trying to think here.
284
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:18,880
[phone ringing]
285
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,160
-It's him. It's Karl.
-Go ahead, answer it.
286
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,640
Trish, it's Karl.Tell him we should swap places.
287
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,760
It's me he's got a problem with, not you.
288
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,240
-What?
-Trish, this is Ash.
289
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,920
I am back from Bloxwich.
290
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,480
Listen carefully. I have studied a module
291
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,440
in criminology.
I'm going to negotiate with this cowboy
292
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,240
and diffuse the whole situation. Okay?
293
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,840
Now it's our district work psychologist.
294
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,240
He wants to talk to you.
295
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,040
Here, let me talk to him, Ash.
296
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,000
Karl, did you get 61 percent
for an essay you wrote
297
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,680
on the 1980 Iranian Embassy siege?
298
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,440
-No.
-Well, I suggest you leave this to me.
299
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,880
-Hello, Cowboy.
-It's Kevin.
300
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,080
-Now, I want you to stay calm.
-[Kevin] I am staying calm.
301
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,760
This is quite
a unique situation, isn't it?
302
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,240
-I'm sorry?
-[Kevin] I said,
303
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,680
this predicament we're in,
304
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,280
it's quite unique.
305
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,040
Well something can't be
"quite unique", can it?
306
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,240
-Well, this is quite unique.
-[Ash] No,
307
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,160
the word "unique" is an absolute.
308
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,200
It can't be modified. Understand?
309
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,080
Something is either unique or it isn't...
310
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:22,880
Hello?
311
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,520
[dramatic guitar chord]
312
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,480
[Karl] How well would you say
that went, then? 61 percent?
313
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,360
[door squeaks open]
314
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,760
Angela, you can't leave.
315
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,960
If I can't work,
I've no obligation to stay.
316
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,800
But when the police get here, they'll want
to speak to all the witnesses.
317
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,240
Then they can contact my lawyer.
318
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,920
Oh, and don't expect me
back in for a week.
319
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:44,880
I've got trauma.
320
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,040
Don't you want to hang around
to see if Trish is okay?
321
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,480
If she gets shot,
I'll see it on Midlands Today.
322
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,480
[car keys beep]
323
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,120
I was so rude to her.
324
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,680
If something happened,
I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
325
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,840
[Paul] Don't worry Janette,
Trish is going to be fine. Right, Ash?
326
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,800
I doubt it.
Even if she gets out of this alive,
327
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,520
she'll probably
be damaged psychologically.
328
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,520
She might get panic attacks,
Stockholm Syndrome...
329
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,960
Fear of going to Ikea? I get that a lot.
330
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,440
Is Stockholm syndrome that one
where the hostages fall for their captors?
331
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,000
It happens all the time.
In very clear stages.
332
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,080
Once the fear of the situation has passed,
333
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,080
the hostage will confide in the captor,
often getting quite emotional and upset.
334
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,720
...and then Janette called me
a home-wrecker.
335
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,400
But I swear nothing happened. I mean,
as if I'd... As if I'd do that to someone
336
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,520
after going through a divorce myself.
337
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,200
It's at this stage
that a simple first connection is made.
338
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,360
Divorce is tough.
339
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,000
-Have you been divorced, too?
-[Kevin] She left me eight years ago.
340
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,320
If she'd stayed, there's no way
I'd be on this roof right now.
341
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,640
-I can completely understand.
-[Ash] From there,
342
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,160
the hostage and the hostage-taker
will form a close bond.
343
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,080
-Oh, getting a bit chilly-willy.
-Oh.
344
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,240
[Ash] Unlikely though it sounds,
they form a sort of partnership.
345
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,240
The hostage sees him as a sort of comfort,
safety, an inspiration.
346
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,840
She may even adopt characteristics
of the hostage-taker,
347
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,040
his mannerisms, even his clothing.
348
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,080
[Trish] Thank you, kind cowboy.
349
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,800
If there's one thing they knew
what to do in the Old West,
350
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,360
it was how to treat a little lady...
351
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,560
apart from the prostitution and all that.
352
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,920
And like that,
Stockholm Syndrome has kicked in.
353
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,200
Oh. Don't worry, partner.
I've got your back.
354
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,480
[police car sirens]
355
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,720
Here come the cavalry.
356
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,720
It's you and me against the world.
357
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,040
[Trish giggles]
358
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,560
[fast rock music]
359
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,400
[music ends abruptly]
360
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,160
Uh, Inspector, the perp is on the roof,
he's in his 50s, he's a male,
361
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,480
caucasian... cowboy.
362
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,160
Okay. listen up, until the Firearms Unit
363
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,160
have properly assessed the situation,
keep your distance.
364
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,800
Under no circumstances
365
00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:01,480
should anyone attempt to contact
the hostage-taker directly.
366
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,600
[Ash] I was merely pointing out
the definition of the word "unique".
367
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,240
Please do not shoot the hostage. We are--
368
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,919
Incoming!
369
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,440
[Janette] It's Trish's shoe!
370
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,880
[garbled police radio]
371
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,680
[Natalie] It's Trish's handwriting.
372
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,360
Um, they want a megaphone
delivered to the roof.
373
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,680
And Karl, they want you to do it.
374
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,440
[garbled police radio]
375
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,880
-I'll do it.
-No, Karl.
376
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,320
Well, you were the one
who told me to man up.
377
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,120
Well, I meant work a bit harder,
not turn into Bruce fucking Willis.
378
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,040
Incoming!
379
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,240
[thud]
380
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,000
[Janette] It's Trish's other shoe!
381
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,480
Trish also says, um... can you bring
her shoes back up with you.
382
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,480
-Oh, yeah.
-[Natalie] Yeah.
383
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,080
There's a microphone hidden there
so we can listen in.
384
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,640
Any information is useful
to the Firearms Unit, so keep talking.
385
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:51,920
-Understood?
-Understood.
386
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,400
Right, let's get you switched up.
387
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,880
Karl. You can't do this.
388
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,000
Natalie, I've made my decision.
I'm going up there.
389
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,400
No, I mean literally,
you won't be able to.
390
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,600
-You're scared of heights, right?
-Not really.
391
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,240
Do you not remember how you were when we
got in that glass lift at the Bull Ring?
392
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,960
[Karl sighs] Okay,
maybe I am a little bit scared of heights,
393
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,400
and maybe I do have small hands.
394
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,880
And yes, I did cry at Frozen
395
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,120
when the little snowman nearly melted,
but do you know what Natalie,
396
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,880
sometimes a man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
397
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:18,920
[policemen laughing]
398
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,040
Well, at least we know
your microphone's working.
399
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:26,800
[door opens with a bang]
400
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,560
I'm not armed. I'm not armed.
401
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,920
Karl! Come and join the posse.
402
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,720
Thanks, Trish...
403
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,720
[mutters] who sits on an air vent
about five or six metres ahead of me.
404
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,440
-What?
-Huh? What?
405
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,840
Oh, no. Nothing...
406
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,440
[mutters] he says, taking three steps
away from the roof door.
407
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,720
Stop talking like that.
408
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,240
[in louder voice] Alright then.
409
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,080
[mutters] Gunman who is sitting
next to Trish near the air vent,
410
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,760
-about five or six metres ahead of me.
-Stop!
411
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,880
-Huh?
-[Trish] Oh, come on.
412
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,720
There's no room for ill feeling
in "The Rooftop Gang".
413
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,320
[stutters] I brought what you asked for.
What's going on, Trish?
414
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,480
Kevin the Cowboy demands an apology.
415
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:07,360
[Karl] Oh. Uh, I am really sorry
for being rude about your singing career.
416
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,960
For all I know, you could be really good.
417
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,280
Well, Karl, you're about to find out.
418
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,120
Am I?
419
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,920
I'm giving Kevin the chance
to prove to you, to everybody,
420
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,400
that he can sing. Go ahead, cowboy.
421
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,960
Sing your heart out.
This is your big moment.
422
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,560
Karl?
423
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,120
Oh. Oh, yeah, go on.
424
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,360
Go on. Follow your dreams.
425
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,360
-Oh, thanks, partners.
-[Trish laughs]
426
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,840
[Kevin lets out a breath] Right.
427
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,200
♪ I am a poor wayfaring stranger ♪
428
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,200
-♪ In this this world alone ♪
-Trish, Trish, let's make a break for it.
429
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,560
I'm not leaving him Karl.
430
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,120
-Listen to that voice. It's beautiful.
-♪ And there's no sickness ♪
431
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,760
-Trish!
-♪ No toil nor danger ♪
432
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,600
-♪ In that bright land ♪
-Trish!
433
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,280
♪ To which I go ♪
434
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,280
-♪ And I'm going ♪
-Trish.
435
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,080
-♪ To see my father ♪
-[Karl] Oh my God, that's high.
436
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,960
-♪ And all my loved ones ♪
-That is... Oh my God, that is high.
437
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,200
-♪ Who've gone on... ♪
-Oh my. Oh no.
438
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,080
Wait, I'm hearing something else.
439
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,080
[Karl] Oh no, I'm gonna die. That's it.Oh no, I'm gonna die.
440
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,680
It sounds like one of the hostages
is being threatened.
441
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,320
-[Karl] I'm gonna die.
-Firearms Unit stand by for action.
442
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,040
I'm gonna die. Oh no, I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die. Oh no.
443
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,200
-♪ ...over Jordan ♪
-[Trish harmonises badly]
444
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,000
-♪ Well, I'm going ♪
-[Janette] Oh God, he's torturing Trish!
445
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,600
-[bellows] ♪ Over home ♪
-All units, go! Go! Go!
446
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,080
[sustained off-key note]
447
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,480
-[door bangs open]
-[Firearms Unit] Guns on the ground!
448
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,520
Put the gun down!
Drop the weapon! Get on the floor!
449
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,680
[Trish screams]
I'm not the cowboy! He's the cowboy!
450
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,400
Right, back off,
or I'll shoot the little lady here!
451
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,960
[Trish squeals]
I thought we were partners!
452
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,040
Will you just shut up!
453
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,240
[panting] I hate thin crust.
I hate thin crust.
454
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,400
[yells] Yippee ki-yay, cowboy!
455
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,600
[Trish screams]
456
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,320
[Karl screams] Oh no!
457
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,040
-[Trish screams] Karl!
-[thud]
458
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,240
[Trish panting] Oh, thank God for that.
459
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,080
-Right, that's it.
-[hard rock music]
460
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,760
-[loud impact]
-[Kevin groans]
461
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,400
[Trish panting]
462
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,400
The milky bars are on me!
463
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,400
[Trish pants heavily]
464
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,800
[mellow guitar chord]
465
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:06,960
[inaudibly] I'm sorry.
466
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,360
The last time I trusted a cowboy,
I got overcharged for me patio.
467
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:13,880
[garbled police radio]
468
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,120
There's something wrong with your toilet,
mate. The paper won't flush.
469
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,440
Shittin' Nora!
470
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:22,560
[sirens wailing]
471
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,480
Karl, that was very brave.
472
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,800
Yeah? Like Princess Elsa brave?
473
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,000
Princess Elsa brave.
474
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,040
Oh.
475
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,200
The centre's gonna be shut
for the rest of the day.
476
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,000
So, are you hanging out with the lads
or are you coming home with me?
477
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,880
Definitely going with you.
478
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:40,800
Good.
479
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,680
'Cause you know what you're going
to get for being such a brave boy?
480
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:45,680
What?
481
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,440
-[whispers inaudibly]
-[Karl chuckles]
482
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,120
[Ash laughs]
483
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:53,520
["Work" playing]
38535
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