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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,040
♪ Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:07,800
♪ Well, you came and you gave
without taking
3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,960
♪ But I sent you away
Oh, Mandy
4
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:17,000
♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
5
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,400
♪ And I need you today
Oh, Mandy. ♪
6
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,920
TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYS
7
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,760
MUSIC CHANGES TO
HIGHER TEMPO
8
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,320
Dig in, lads. Don't be shy.
9
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,520
I'm not meant to talk, but, erm...
10
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..it's a bit awkward otherwise,
isn't it?
11
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,920
Bit weird, you know, just lying here
with bits of fish on me,
12
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,680
but it's actually quite relaxing.
13
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,840
Like sushi, do you?
14
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,920
I wouldn't touch it meself.
15
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I've heard it gives you tapeworm.
16
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One man had a 12 foot tapeworm
inside him. Did you read about that?
17
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,520
No.
18
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,640
Fuckin' disgusting.
19
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,960
Don't let me put you off.
20
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,320
You haven't got a ciggy on you,
have ya?
21
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,840
Gasping for a fag.
22
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,440
Me arms are covered in prawns.
23
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,200
Ta.
24
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,760
MAN GASPS
Mandy Cutter!
25
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,120
No smoking!
26
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,880
Oh, sorry.
27
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,040
It's a cruel culture, in't it?
28
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,760
You be quiet.
29
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,560
Have you seen their game shows?
30
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,480
I said be quiet.
31
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,440
God, it's like Bridge Over The
River Kwai all over again, in't it?
32
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,520
MANDY LAUGHS
You are a racist.
33
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And you're a fish pervert.
34
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,960
You are fired!
35
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,080
Get out! All right.
36
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,600
Fine. I'll get me coat.
37
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,560
You owe me for an hour and half.
38
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,800
I will not pay you one penny.
39
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,400
Right.
40
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,520
Taking that, then.
41
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,360
Excuse me.
42
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,240
I'm sorry. I can't help feeling
a bit bad
43
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,880
about what happened in there.
44
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,480
Is there any way I can make it up
to you? Maybe...
45
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:07,840
..take you out for a drink?
46
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,920
You weren't one of the Bulger boys,
were you?
47
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:10,960
No.
48
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,560
Are you sure?
49
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,600
Yeah.
50
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,360
Yeah, you seem quite normal.
51
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,920
Apart from all that naked
sushi stuff.
52
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,000
Yeah, all right.
Pick me up tomorrow night
53
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,040
from Lola's Nail Bar
on the high street. 6.30.
54
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,320
SHE BANGS GONG
See ya then. OK.
55
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,920
Look at this place.
56
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,560
Not a single customer
in two whole days.
57
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,720
Oh, yeah, there's a new place
opened up down the road
58
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,640
that does vaginal steaming.
59
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,000
How do I compete with that?
60
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,120
You could do vaginal steaming.
61
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,240
Eh!
62
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,000
I am not going anywhere near
other ladies' pipes.
63
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,720
Could do fish pedicures.
64
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,600
What is fish pedicure?
65
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,200
It's when you get these little fish,
right, and you put your feet
66
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,600
into the tank, and they very gently
nibble all the dead skin off.
67
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,680
Leaves your feet all smooth
and relaxed.
68
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,520
But where do I get
these little fish?
69
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,840
Leave it to me.
70
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,600
Is that a gong?
71
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,640
Yeah.
72
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,160
MUSIC: The Carnival Of The Animals -
The Aquarium
73
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,440
All right?
74
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,200
Looking for anything in particular?
75
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,800
Er, actually, have you got any of
those fish that eat human skin?
76
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,840
What? You know the fish where,
if you put your feet in the tank,
77
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,000
they'd eat the skin off.
78
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,240
Oh, yeah, I know.
79
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,320
We've got a load of those ones
over here.
80
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,440
Not much call for them,
to be honest.
81
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,880
Great. Stick about 50 in a couple of
buckets for me, there's a good lad.
82
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,120
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
83
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,320
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish
84
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,120
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
85
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,240
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish. ♪
86
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,840
They're very relaxing to watch, huh?
87
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,120
I always think fish are
the perfect pet.
88
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,280
You don't have to walk them
89
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,360
and you're not that bothered
when they die. Yeah.
90
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,560
You don't get attached
like you would with a snake.
91
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,760
All right, Mandy?
92
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,280
You ready to go for that drink?
93
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,520
Hey. Come and have a look at this.
What is it?
94
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,480
Fish pedicures. Do you want to
give it a go? Be our first customer?
95
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,720
On the house. Yeah.
96
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,720
On the house? I need the money.
97
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,680
This man knows
all the fish perverts.
98
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,600
It'll be round like wildfire.
You'll be swamped.
99
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,560
I've always wanted to try this.
100
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:03,400
Yeah, just pop your shoes and socks
off and plunge your feet in.
101
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,480
OK.
102
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,400
My dear, would you like
a relaxing cup of green tea
103
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,800
while you're enjoying
your fish pedicure?
104
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,160
Yes, please. Thank you.
105
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,400
You might experience
a slight tingling sensation,
106
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,560
but that's all perfectly normal.
107
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,600
OK.
108
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,160
I can't believe how easy
this thing is. I know.
109
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,120
So, how long do I keep his feet
soaking? Pff.
110
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,520
Ahh.
111
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,640
WATER BUBBLES
112
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,440
Ah-h-h-h!
113
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,680
Ah-h-h!
114
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,080
Oh, my God! What have you done?
115
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,840
Jesus Christ! Ah-h-h!
116
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:47,040
Ah, Jesus Christ!
117
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,520
Call an ambulance!
118
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,520
Don't worry.
I've seen this on a film.
119
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,600
I need to make a tourniquet.
Ah-h-h!
120
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,000
What is a tourniquet?
121
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,000
It's a thing you wrap around
to stop the bleeding!
122
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,160
LOLA HEAVES
123
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:04,360
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
124
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,960
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish
125
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,760
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. ♪
126
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,000
Hiya.
127
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,440
It's me. Oh, it's you.
128
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,440
The woman who made me stick my foot
in a bucket of piranhas.
129
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,600
I feel responsible.
130
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,400
Got the wrong fish.
131
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,280
You think?
132
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,240
It's meant to be Garra rufa fish.
133
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,440
Well, I know that now, don't I?
Looked it up.
134
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,000
How's your foot?
135
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,200
One toe short.
136
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,440
Actually, it's probably too late,
but...
137
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,600
..found this. Is that my toe?
138
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,040
Well, most of it, yeah.
Aren't you lucky.
139
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,280
Why didn't you pack it in ice?
140
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,240
I'm in a nail salon,
where am I going to find ice?
141
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,080
But you managed to find a...
142
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,840
..jar of pickles.
143
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,160
Love pickles.
144
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,480
HE SIGHS
145
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,800
I'm really sorry
about what happened,
146
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,440
but I'm going to make it up to you.
147
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,920
Got us two tickets
to the Sea Life Centre.
148
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,440
Really? Oh, yeah.
149
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,440
♪ La mer... ♪
150
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,640
I've had a lovely time
at the Sea Life Centre.
151
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,200
Can't believe they let me touch
a manta ray.
152
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,400
Did you know the manta ray has
the largest brain-to-body ratio
153
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,240
of any fish?
154
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,000
Mm.
155
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,320
What's a ratio?
156
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,960
You like your fish, don't ya?
157
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,200
Like 'em?
158
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,560
They're like family to me.
159
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,200
They don't judge me.
160
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,760
They know all my faults
but they still love me.
161
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,440
Bloody hell, that's tragic.
162
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,800
Actually, excuse me a minute,
Mandy, I...
163
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,280
Call of nature.
164
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,680
HE GROANS
165
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:00,840
Thanks.
166
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,920
♪ La mer
167
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:19,280
♪ A berce mon coeur pour la vie
168
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,080
♪ La mer
169
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,720
♪ Qu'on voit danser
170
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,560
♪ Le long des golfes clairs
171
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,280
♪ A des reflets d'argent
172
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,920
♪ La mer
173
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,200
♪ Des reflets changeant
174
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,080
♪ Sous la pluie
175
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,200
♪ La mer
176
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,640
♪ Au ciel d'ete... ♪
177
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,320
You going to be much longer?
I'm burstin' 'ere.
178
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,120
♪ Ses blancs moutons
179
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,560
♪ Avec les anges si purs
180
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,040
♪ La mer
181
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:03,600
♪ Bergere d'azur infinie
182
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,680
♪ Voyez
Voyez
183
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,560
♪ Pres des etangs
Pres des etangs
184
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:15,520
♪ Ces grands roseaux mouilles
Voyez ces roseaux
185
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,480
♪ Voyez
Voyez
186
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,360
♪ Ces oiseaux blancs
Ces oiseaux blancs
187
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,800
♪ Et ces maisons rouilles
La-la-la-la-la
188
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,360
♪ La mer
189
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,880
♪ Les a berces
190
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,120
♪ Le long des golfes clairs... ♪
191
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,320
SHE UNZIPS TROUSERS
♪ Et d'une chanson d'amour
192
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:43,560
♪ La mer
193
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:54,480
♪ A berce mon coeur pour la vie! ♪
194
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,920
Oh, thank Christ.
195
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,040
TOILET FLUSHES
196
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,600
SHE PULLS ZIP UP
197
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:03,880
DOOR CLOSES
198
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,080
FOOTSTEPS
199
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,040
Sorry about that. All right.
200
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,760
HE SIGHS
201
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,960
That's better.
202
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,880
Mandy.
203
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,280
It's been a difficult year for me.
204
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,160
First my wife divorced me
and then...
205
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,800
..my toe got eaten off by a piranha.
206
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,200
Fuckin' hell. But I feel like...
207
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,080
..I've met a kindred spirit.
208
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,680
Someone I can really talk to.
209
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,160
It feels like
you understand me, Mandy.
210
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,400
I may have lost a toe...
211
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,600
..but have I gained a soulmate?
212
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,160
Jeff, I should say...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
213
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,440
Hm.
214
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,920
Mm.
215
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,120
I should have kept this
in the fridge longer.
216
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,920
Mm. Interesting, though, isn't it?
217
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,080
Biscuity.
218
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,840
Actually, it's all right, in't it?
219
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,600
I'd get it again. Mm.
220
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,040
Mm.
221
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:22,760
What?
222
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:24,960
What's going on?
223
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,400
What's happening?
224
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,040
Here, have some more wine.
225
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,560
My fish. They're dying!
226
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,320
They're not.
They're just having a nap.
227
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,080
They're dying. What have you done?
228
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,800
Why are they dying?
229
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,280
Old age? All at once?
230
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,360
Well, maybe one died of old age
and the others have heartbreak.
231
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,280
Get out of my flat, you witch!
232
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,440
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
233
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,400
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish. ♪
234
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,760
How was your date? I've had worse.
235
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,320
He wasn't right for me.
236
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,760
Plenty more fish in the sea.
237
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,360
MANDY LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY
238
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,440
Very funny.
239
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,520
You!
240
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,880
Mandy Cutter! Fuckin' hell.
Brace yourself.
241
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,240
You have my gong.
242
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,640
Without this gong,
243
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,600
we have been unable to serve sushi
for three days.
244
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,960
That's a bit over the top.
245
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,440
Give me back my gong.
246
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,080
Finders keepers, losers weepers.
247
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,240
You are so childish.
248
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,800
Mandy, please.
249
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,880
Sir, welcome to my shop.
250
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,320
Take back your gong.
251
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,560
I will.
252
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:38,480
But I'm still very unhappy.
253
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,640
Because losing the gong brings
great dishonour upon ancestors?
254
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:48,200
No. Because gongs are expensive
and hard to get hold of.
255
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,000
You think you can just
go into Tesco Metro and buy a gong?
256
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,040
HE SCOFFS
257
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,200
Think again.
258
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,720
Oh, look. I wasn't thinking straight
and I took your gong.
259
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,000
I'm sorry.
260
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,760
How 'bout a free treatment
on the house?
261
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,160
We do fish pedicures.
262
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,200
Fish pedicure?
263
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,080
Well, I suppose so.
264
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,200
Great.
265
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200
Lola.
266
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,600
Get the buckets.
267
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,080
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
268
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,280
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
269
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,960
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
270
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,000
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
271
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,880
♪ Mr, can you tell me
where my love has gone?
272
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,880
♪ He's a Japanese boy. ♪
273
00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:38,480
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