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[HIP HOP MUSIC FADES IN]
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00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:16,551
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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♪ Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪
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00:00:18,584 --> 00:00:22,255
♪ Pullin up. Pullin up. Shut
it down when I'm pulling up ♪
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00:00:22,287 --> 00:00:24,189
♪ Come around
when I'm pulling up ♪
6
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:25,892
♪ In my town
and I'm pullin up ♪
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00:00:25,924 --> 00:00:30,630
♪ Ready for anything.
Anyone. Know that I get it done ♪
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00:00:30,662 --> 00:00:32,597
♪ In a Benz I be pullin up ♪
9
00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:34,533
♪ Tell your friends
cause I'm pullin' up ♪
10
00:00:34,566 --> 00:00:36,401
♪ Ready or not I'll be pullin up ♪
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00:00:36,435 --> 00:00:38,304
♪ Remember they
say I'm not good enough ♪
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00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,306
♪ I took all that energy and
turned it to greatness ♪
13
00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,174
♪ Now look at my life man it's
looking amazing ♪
14
00:00:42,207 --> 00:00:43,675
♪ Now I'm ready
for anything, anyone ♪
15
00:00:43,709 --> 00:00:45,578
♪ I've been so ready for
everything I've become ♪
16
00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:47,380
♪ When I was stuck
I had no other option ♪
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00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,248
♪ But I believed in myself
when this shit was a poppin ♪
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00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,616
♪ I got it like that. Who you
know that got it like that ♪
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00:00:51,649 --> 00:00:52,650
♪ Who you know getting degrees ♪
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00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,853
♪ and rapping like they
got diplomas in rap ♪
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00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:57,255
♪ Made it this far and I still
got a lot to accomplish ♪
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00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:58,624
♪ And I know they believe it ♪
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00:00:58,657 --> 00:01:00,593
♪ I'm talking to Renos
Stramelli to Sweden ♪
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00:01:00,626 --> 00:01:02,461
♪ I never stop
winning I feel undefeated ♪
25
00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:04,229
♪ I come to your city and
everyone ♪
26
00:01:04,262 --> 00:01:07,532
♪ Pullin up. Pullin up. Shut
it down when I'm pulling up ♪
27
00:01:07,565 --> 00:01:09,434
♪ Come around
when I'm pulling up ♪
28
00:01:09,467 --> 00:01:11,369
♪ In my town
and I'm pullin up ♪
29
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:16,274
♪ Ready for anything.
Anyone. Know that I get it done ♪
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00:01:16,307 --> 00:01:17,842
♪ In a Benz I be pullin up ♪
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00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,811
♪ Tell your friends
cause I'm pullin' up ♪
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00:01:19,845 --> 00:01:22,782
♪ Pullin up. Shut
it down when I'm pulling up ♪
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00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:24,550
♪ Come around
when I'm pulling up ♪
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00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,452
♪ In my town
and I'm pullin up ♪
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♪ Ready for anything.
Anyone. Know that I get it done ♪
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00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:32,991
♪ In a Benz I be pullin up ♪
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00:01:33,024 --> 00:01:34,827
♪ Tell your friends
cause I'm pullin' up ♪
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00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:38,731
♪ Anything.
Anyone. Know that I get it done ♪
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00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:40,633
♪ In a Benz I be pullin up ♪
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♪ Tell your friends
cause I'm pullin' up ♪
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[MUSIC FADES]
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[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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[SYNTH SOUNDTRACK]
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[ROOSTER CROWS]
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[AIRHORN BLOWS]
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RICH:
What the hell, Dad?
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00:02:27,446 --> 00:02:31,584
EARL: Time to wake up!
Come on, the WBL waits for no man!
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00:02:31,616 --> 00:02:33,752
You want it? You gotta earn it!
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00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,788
It's 6 in the morning.
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00:02:35,821 --> 00:02:40,026
Yes, that means it's
training time. Come on.
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Richie, come on.
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Playing professional
basketball used to be my dream
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and now that dream is dead.
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Dead. So now it's your dream and
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I'm gonna be there every step of
the way helping you realize it,
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ok? Alright.
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Gee. Thanks, Dad.
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00:02:58,644 --> 00:03:02,381
You're welcome son. Now get
your bony ass up out of bed and
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00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:05,884
meet me on the
driveway in 5 minutes.
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00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:07,453
Alright, there!
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00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:09,054
Now
meet me out there in 5 minutes
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or I'm gonna fold this thing and
I'm gonna make a Richie sandwich
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00:03:11,389 --> 00:03:12,657
out of you. 5 minutes, let's go!
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[SYNTH MUSIC RETURNS]
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[WHISTLE BLOWS]
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00:03:28,706 --> 00:03:30,575
Morning.
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00:03:31,175 --> 00:03:32,544
Aren't these the guys that
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00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:34,580
you hired at
Home Depot last week?
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00:03:34,613 --> 00:03:35,580
Yeah, they are.
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00:03:35,614 --> 00:03:36,849
Aren't they finished?
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00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:39,418
No. They're not finished because
they've got one more job to do
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00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:42,520
which if they do correctly,
they'll get a little extra
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00:03:42,554 --> 00:03:44,991
scratch because it's
Christmas and I gotta heart.
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00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:47,126
It's Christmas?
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[DECK THE HALLS]
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FATHER ON THE STREET:
Awe, you're doing great, son!
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For them it's Christmas.
It's not Christmas for you until
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00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:58,403
you run the carwash drill.
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00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:00,805
There's a whole
house of presents inside, Rich.
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00:04:00,839 --> 00:04:02,608
There's a
skateboard. There's a...
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00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,678
There's some clothes. All
kinds of cool stuff and I will
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00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:07,145
burn them on this god damned
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00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:09,982
driveway
unless you score in this drill.
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00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:11,116
WOMAN:
Merry Christmas, Richie.
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Shut up!
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00:04:12,317 --> 00:04:15,487
Alright, Bring it. Let's go.
Christmas is for winners!
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00:04:16,487 --> 00:04:17,756
Now let's go!
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00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:34,774
What? You gonna cry?
You gonna cry and be
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00:04:34,806 --> 00:04:38,544
a little cry baby and you gonna
quit? Wanna call mommy? Well you
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00:04:38,576 --> 00:04:40,779
can call her but she won't pick
up the phone because she left us
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00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,715
both to go be a sister wife!
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00:04:42,748 --> 00:04:45,818
What? You can't be both.
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00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:49,087
Now get up and do it again.
And hey,
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00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,056
this comes from a place of love.
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00:04:51,088 --> 00:04:53,692
If I didn't love you, you
wouldn't have the helmet.
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00:04:54,492 --> 00:04:56,161
Now do it again.
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00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:59,765
You want to be a winner or do
you want to be a loser, Rich?
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00:04:59,797 --> 00:05:01,065
Huh?
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00:05:01,099 --> 00:05:03,436
Winner or loser?
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,705
Rich is gonna be a winner.
Now let's go.
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00:05:06,737 --> 00:05:08,173
[DRAMATIC SYNTH]
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00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:12,812
[HEART BEAT]
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00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:23,688
[LOUD BASKETBALL ARENA]
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00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:26,692
ANNOUNCER: Royals down by one.
Seven seconds left.
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00:05:26,725 --> 00:05:30,061
This is where legends are made
and dreams are crushed.
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00:05:30,095 --> 00:05:32,097
The fans couldn't have
asked for a more exciting
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00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:35,900
start to the WBL Finals. Rich
Johnson, he promised to
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00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:38,136
bring a championship to
Sacramento after a 40-year
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00:05:38,169 --> 00:05:41,806
drought and a win here would put
them one step closer!
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:46,078
Stivers is wide open!
God, Jerry, what a hog!
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00:05:46,111 --> 00:05:48,948
JERRY: He is not gonna pass the ball.
Rich is going one on one.
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00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:52,617
Strictly isoball and throwing
up trash in here for the win.
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00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:53,785
[BUZZER BEEPS]
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ANNOUNCER: Wow! Unbelievable.
If you don't like that,
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00:05:57,855 --> 00:06:00,258
you don't
like Royals basketball.
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I love Royals basketball!
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[CROWD CHEERS]
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00:06:06,263 --> 00:06:08,501
Joe Riley live here.
The game has just ended.
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00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,170
It's very exciting. We're trying
to reach one of the Rich! Rich.
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00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:16,107
RICH: Freddie, Fred, Fred we did it, man.
We did it, Fred!
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00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,744
Uh, Joe.
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00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:22,114
Sorry, Joe. Wait,
when did you change that?
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00:06:22,147 --> 00:06:23,048
At birth.
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00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:26,619
Hey man, I've just gotta
say look, I mean.
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00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:30,823
I gotta thank the big man
himself. I want to thank me.
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00:06:32,991 --> 00:06:35,928
That looked like an impossible
shot at the end there.
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00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,129
Freddie, I'm kidding. Joe, um,
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00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:41,799
look, my shot was just dropping
tonight. What can I say?
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00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:42,967
It was falling.
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00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:45,738
You're
kidding? You shot 28%.
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00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:47,840
Yeah well you
know I was double and I was
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triple teamed but you know,
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00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,311
look, the ball just does what
Rich Johnson tells it to do.
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00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:57,583
Boom! I would love to stay and
chat, but my fan club awaits.
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00:06:57,616 --> 00:06:59,519
Rich Johnson! Out!
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00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:02,920
Rich Johnson's out.
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00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:06,025
FAN 1: Hey, Rich! Hey, Rich!
Can I have your Jersey please?
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00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:09,762
What, this one? Oh, you know
what? It's going on sale on eBay
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00:07:09,794 --> 00:07:11,563
tonight at around midnight.
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00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,765
I hope you can stay up.
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00:07:12,797 --> 00:07:14,900
[CROWD BOOS]
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[CRYING]
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00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:23,075
Yeah, ah ha.
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00:07:23,107 --> 00:07:26,244
Boom, my man. Yes!
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00:07:26,277 --> 00:07:29,982
There we go.
Up high. Yeah. Coach, yeah,
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00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:31,917
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:36,222
yeah, yeah, yeah. My man. Oh,
that's cold. What's up, bro?
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00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:39,657
Yeah. Oh, it's
gonna be a good one!
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00:07:39,691 --> 00:07:41,060
[WET TOWEL SNAPS]
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00:07:41,092 --> 00:07:42,261
GIVENS:
Oh!
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00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:45,330
Oh, come on. I barely touched
him. I barely touched him.
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00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:50,001
Yeah.
He'll be fine. Oh yeah, fellas.
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00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:51,270
This is what I'm talking about.
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00:07:51,302 --> 00:07:55,340
Boom,
two, three championship rings.
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00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:59,244
Oh my hand is so heavy. Oh, it's
throwing my back out. Oh, yeah.
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00:07:59,277 --> 00:08:01,981
You know rookie. You've gotta
play at least one minute if you
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00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:04,917
want to get one of
these. Nah, I'm just playing.
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00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:07,720
I'm just playing. No, you get
one but it says equipment
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00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:11,789
manager on it. I'm playing
with you rook, come on, relax.
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00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:12,890
[WET TOWEL SNAP]
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00:08:12,924 --> 00:08:16,962
Oh, come on. Whooh!
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00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:19,131
Oh man. Hey,
you know what? Guys listen up.
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00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:21,133
Give me this. Guys, listen up.
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00:08:21,532 --> 00:08:25,037
Look, we are three wins away
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00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:28,707
from the WBL Championship, ok?
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00:08:28,739 --> 00:08:32,076
And I did not get traded
here to Sac town to lose.
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00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:36,181
Now, now, listen here.
If I have to, I will put all you
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00:08:36,214 --> 00:08:40,219
on my back and I will personally
carry you all across the finish
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00:08:40,252 --> 00:08:44,957
line, alright? It's been
a dream of my dad's
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00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:46,725
It's been a dream of
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00:08:46,758 --> 00:08:50,128
mine to bring a
championship here to Sac Town.
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00:08:50,628 --> 00:08:55,133
So all you gotta do is trust in
Rich and then just come to the
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00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,870
Championship
parade. Rich Johnson out!
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00:08:58,903 --> 00:08:59,904
STIVERS:
I'm not sure that door
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00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,907
is big enough for
his ego to fit through, man.
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00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:04,143
[FANS RAMBLING]
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00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,211
No, no, no, no, no,
sorry. Gotta go, gotta go.
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00:09:11,048 --> 00:09:13,785
ROOKIE:
I really hate that guy.
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00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,656
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
180
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,231
Good morning. Good morning.
181
00:09:27,264 --> 00:09:28,800
What's this? I
ordered Eggs Benedict.
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00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,335
LIZ:
Eat your cereal, Earl.
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00:09:30,368 --> 00:09:33,138
This cereal
tastes like a fruity
184
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:36,075
Oh, yeah.
Fastest hands in the WBL.
185
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,810
That's your
first steal of the year.
186
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,713
Hey, how to I hear the replay
from my game winning shot?
187
00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:43,114
Why don't you use
my new gift that I gave ya?
188
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,115
Ooh, right here.
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00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,717
[GROANS]
Are you ok?
190
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:49,688
Yeah. No, I'm
fine. I'm uh, I'm fine. Ok, uh
191
00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:54,393
Alicia, play some
Rich Johnson highlights.
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00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:57,296
ALICIA:
Johnson. A slang term commonly
193
00:09:57,329 --> 00:09:59,798
used for the word 'penis'.
194
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:04,235
Other terms include dick,
schlong, wang, dong, shvantz
195
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:08,107
Ok, honey. I think you have
a few minutes before school
196
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:10,475
starts to show daddy those
costumes. Remember, you're going
197
00:10:10,508 --> 00:10:13,912
to model her costume
that she made just for you.
198
00:10:14,412 --> 00:10:17,349
Oh yeah. The uh, nerd fest.
199
00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:20,285
JENNY:
CostumeCon, Daddy.
200
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:24,455
It's my bad, sorry. Yeah I
guess it kind of looks like me.
201
00:10:24,489 --> 00:10:26,292
It could be a little bigger.
202
00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:28,259
[CLEARS THROAT]
203
00:10:28,292 --> 00:10:30,328
Looks great, honey. It's
just like me. Good job.
204
00:10:31,128 --> 00:10:34,032
You fight crime by
being the best athlete in the
205
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,768
universe. You throw
basketballs at super villains.
206
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:38,870
And the villains never know when
he's gonna throw balls at them.
207
00:10:38,903 --> 00:10:40,939
Just like his
teammates in real life.
208
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,977
Funny mommy. Funny mommy.
209
00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:50,014
Ok, go. You're
gonna make her late.
210
00:10:50,047 --> 00:10:51,350
Oh and don't forget you're
211
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:54,051
gonna coach
Jenny's game at 5:30.
212
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:57,122
Oh yeah, of course. But
first I've gotta take the jet.
213
00:10:57,154 --> 00:10:59,858
I've gotta go
see the Dr. in San Francisco.
214
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:02,494
But I'm gonna remember.
I'm gonna be there.
215
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:03,561
Don't
worry. I said I'd be there.
216
00:11:03,595 --> 00:11:04,562
I'm gonna be there too.
217
00:11:04,595 --> 00:11:05,596
No,
you're not because you're
218
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:07,965
already suspended
for the rest of the season.
219
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:10,469
Really? You think that's gonna
keep me out of there? Please.
220
00:11:10,502 --> 00:11:11,737
Cause you've got a plan.
221
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:15,540
I've got a plan and my plan is
to get uh, nope, you've gotta
222
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:16,976
get me Eggs Benedict.
223
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:21,479
Oh, double
or nothing, bacon. Oh! Nice.
224
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,219
[TIRES SCREECHING]
225
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:33,457
[SCREAMING CROWD]
226
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,360
Alright, thank you.
227
00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:38,129
Here
we go, grandma. Come on.
228
00:11:38,162 --> 00:11:39,565
FAN 1:
Rich, what're you doing here?
229
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,066
I'm just helping with grandma.
230
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:43,368
She needs new
glasses for her glaucoma.
231
00:11:43,401 --> 00:11:45,370
We're huge Royals fans.
232
00:11:45,402 --> 00:11:48,574
Your grandson is going to lead
us to the first WBL Championship
233
00:11:48,606 --> 00:11:50,975
in over 40 years.
You must be so proud.
234
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:55,080
FAN 2:
Dude, she is such a GILF.
235
00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:56,614
What the hell is that?
236
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:59,417
It's like a
MILF but for grandmas.
237
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:00,619
Do you think she's single?
238
00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:03,021
Yeah I think she's single
because all of her options are
239
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:04,455
either dead or
can't get it up anymore.
240
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:05,690
What the hell is wrong with you?
241
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:08,093
Hey, people have done a lot
worse things to become famous,
242
00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:12,263
alright? Hey baby, if you were
on Tinder I'd slide right...
243
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:14,499
into your panties.
244
00:12:14,532 --> 00:12:16,200
Nice.
245
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:17,268
Diapers?
246
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,637
FAN 3:
She's out of your league Q-tip.
247
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:20,139
You lost.
248
00:12:24,408 --> 00:12:27,312
[WHIRRING SOUND]
249
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,156
[THUD]
250
00:12:56,574 --> 00:12:57,609
[POPPING SOUND]
251
00:12:57,642 --> 00:13:02,982
Um, what if we tried
that from a different angle?
252
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:07,353
DOCTOR: We did. I don't know
what to tell you Mr. Johnson.
253
00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:10,255
How about the bottom line?
254
00:13:10,287 --> 00:13:13,991
Ok well, the bottom line is, I'm
the fifth doctor you've seen and
255
00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:15,894
we all share the same diagnosis.
256
00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:18,229
Your days of playing on that
257
00:13:18,263 --> 00:13:20,431
knee are coming to an end.
258
00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:27,472
Rich, Father Time is
undefeated for a reason.
259
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:38,250
Hey Rich, my
son gave me that.
260
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:49,161
These
doctors don't know shit.
261
00:13:49,194 --> 00:13:53,399
Screw you. Screw you,
father time. Screw you.
262
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:57,035
If Tom Brady can do
it then so can I.
263
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,304
Shit! Shit! Shit!
264
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,377
Sorry,
was I just thinking out loud?
265
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:08,279
OLD LADY: Jesus Christ!
You scream like a bitch!
266
00:14:08,846 --> 00:14:11,515
Hey, thanks
a lot for coming today.
267
00:14:11,548 --> 00:14:15,553
Here's the 50 bucks I
told you I'd give you plus an
268
00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:18,189
extra 10 cause you had to
hear all those naughty words.
269
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:21,159
Do I get to keep the glasses?
270
00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:22,159
Yeah. They
look good on you.
271
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,360
Bullshit.
272
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:25,763
I'm gonna turn them in for
the bottle deposit before the
273
00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:28,399
sun hits them and lights
my freaking' face on fire.
274
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,501
Just remember,
you can't tell anyone what you
275
00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,203
just heard.
That's part of the deal.
276
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,339
500 bucks.
277
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:35,573
What?
278
00:14:35,606 --> 00:14:39,710
You heard me. Five Benjamins
or I tell everybody the doc said
279
00:14:39,744 --> 00:14:41,580
you shouldn't
be playing anymore.
280
00:14:42,113 --> 00:14:44,049
On
second thought, maybe I should
281
00:14:44,081 --> 00:14:47,018
say something so Stivers doesn't
get caught under the hoop with
282
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:48,619
his dick in his hands next time.
283
00:14:49,653 --> 00:14:51,489
You've gotta be kidding me.
284
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:56,462
Three, four, five, there.
285
00:14:57,394 --> 00:15:00,431
And, I'll take your watch.
286
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:02,066
No.
287
00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:06,471
What, I gotta buy
you dinner now too?
288
00:15:06,503 --> 00:15:08,340
No, you're not my type.
289
00:15:08,373 --> 00:15:12,277
Hey Captain. Can this
thing drop me at a Red Lobster?
290
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:16,515
[ROCK BEAT]
291
00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:29,661
Alright guys.
Just chill out. Just relax.
292
00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:31,363
I know you guys...
293
00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:36,368
I know you guys know me as like
a globally famous athlete.
294
00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:38,770
Ok,
you've seen the commercials.
295
00:15:38,802 --> 00:15:40,806
You've seen the
sponsorship deals you know.
296
00:15:40,839 --> 00:15:45,411
Guys look guys,
chill out. Ok? I'm just a man.
297
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:49,614
I'm just a man, a man who
298
00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:53,786
loves winning. Yeah, winning!
299
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:56,321
That's what I'm talking about.
What are we doing here?
300
00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:58,556
What is this
like mascara here? Alright?
301
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:02,259
No, no mascara alright? The
only black I want to see under
302
00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:04,830
your eyes is if you're taking a
charge. Sit down. Stop, hey,
303
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:08,333
hello. Hello, hi, yeah, hi.
304
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:11,702
We're having a little coaching
session here, ok? Yeah.
305
00:16:13,403 --> 00:16:15,706
Your
parents telling you to just go
306
00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:16,674
have fun out there?
307
00:16:16,707 --> 00:16:19,677
They're losers. Your
parents are all losers.
308
00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:20,711
Dad?
309
00:16:20,744 --> 00:16:22,346
You're calling yourself a loser.
310
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:24,448
Uh, no. Not
me. I mean them. All of them.
311
00:16:24,481 --> 00:16:28,385
All of your parents, not her
parent. Your parents are losers.
312
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:32,456
Her parent is cool.
Her parent loves to win.
313
00:16:32,489 --> 00:16:35,326
Look, this is not about
having a good time.
314
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,428
This is about what, girls, what?
315
00:16:37,461 --> 00:16:42,266
Wuuuh, wuhhhh, winning!
316
00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:43,734
Winning!
317
00:16:43,768 --> 00:16:46,738
That is the single most
important thing that we're going
318
00:16:46,771 --> 00:16:51,376
to do when we go out there is
win! Win! It's all about
319
00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:55,813
winning. Ok? Everything. The
most important thing in the
320
00:16:55,846 --> 00:17:00,151
world. Not friends, not family,
not the environment, not this
321
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,487
plastic problem that we're
having. It has nothing to do
322
00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:03,854
with that. It is about winning.
323
00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:06,457
That is the
best feeling in the world.
324
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:09,160
Now come on little ducklings.
In the middle.
325
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,529
On three, little
ducklings. One, two, three.
326
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:11,862
TEAM:
Lil Ducklings!
327
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:16,568
[CROWN CHEERING]
328
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,536
Alright, girls. Hustle it up.
329
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:21,373
That's it,
come on. Get those re's, girls.
330
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:24,676
Get out of here,
come on. Alright, girls!
331
00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:26,443
HOT DOG MASCOT:
Oh shit! You're Rich Johnson.
332
00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:27,778
Oh my God, hey,
sign my buns.
333
00:17:27,811 --> 00:17:29,814
No, I'm not. Get out
of here, weenie boy. Move it.
334
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:35,620
Ok.
335
00:17:35,653 --> 00:17:36,788
Just really quick man.
336
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:39,657
Ok, alright. Ok,
now go. Come on.
337
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:40,691
Let's go girls!
338
00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:43,962
Sorry. Yeah, let's
go girls! Come on. Let's go!
339
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:45,496
Ok, thank you. Thank you.
340
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:46,565
If
you need help I'm right here.
341
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:47,765
Thank you. Thank you.
342
00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:49,367
Hey, I got coupons.
343
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:52,436
I'm okay right now, maybe later.
Alright girls. Girls.
344
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:58,643
Shoot! You're a Johnson!
345
00:17:58,676 --> 00:17:59,677
Shut up!
346
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:00,878
Shoot!
347
00:18:03,247 --> 00:18:04,582
REFEREE:
No point.
348
00:18:06,484 --> 00:18:08,853
BULLY: You're a ball
hog, just like your dad!
349
00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:14,625
Oh!
Foul! That's a foul.
350
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,829
I've seen people get pregnant
with less contact than that.
351
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:24,302
Trip, she's
trippin' balls ref, come on!
352
00:18:24,802 --> 00:18:27,304
Hey, you people should
appreciate me. Any asshole could
353
00:18:27,338 --> 00:18:30,242
yell at a little girl, but it
takes a funny one to say that
354
00:18:30,274 --> 00:18:31,442
kind of stuff.
355
00:18:31,475 --> 00:18:32,877
I know it's you, Earl.
356
00:18:32,909 --> 00:18:35,513
You can't see shit.
Why don't you bend over
357
00:18:35,545 --> 00:18:38,816
and call the game with your
good eye! That's his butt hole
358
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:39,917
[WHISTLE]
359
00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:41,586
That's it, get out of here!
360
00:18:41,619 --> 00:18:43,254
You want a piece of me?
361
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,556
Get out of here, Earl!
362
00:18:44,589 --> 00:18:45,756
Out?
It's about time.
363
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:46,758
[CROWD BOOS]
364
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:50,528
You know what, here!
365
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:55,500
Hey, look at me! I'm playing
soccer. Stupid ass sport!
366
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:07,613
Let's go girls. Hustle it up.
Get those re's come on!
367
00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:13,417
[BUZZER BEEPS]
368
00:19:27,898 --> 00:19:29,667
Girls.
369
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:35,306
[CROWD OOHS]
370
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,907
Where did this kid come from?
371
00:19:37,574 --> 00:19:40,946
10 seconds left. We're up by
1. Do not let them get a layup.
372
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:43,514
This is for you, Dick!
373
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:48,753
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
374
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,955
[FINAL BUZZER SOUNDS]
375
00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:52,590
[CROWD GASPS]
376
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,694
Oh my God, I
hope that's ketchup.
377
00:19:55,726 --> 00:19:59,930
[CRYING SOUNDS]
378
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:02,667
Mommy!
379
00:20:02,699 --> 00:20:05,803
[ANGRY CROWD NOISES]
380
00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:12,878
[HEAVY SPORTS ROCK]
381
00:20:17,013 --> 00:20:19,751
It's "Weinergate" folks.
Rich Johnson decimates a
382
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:22,454
little girl with
one monster rejection.
383
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:26,757
ANNOUNCER: What a bloody wanker,
Rich Johnson put that banger in a
384
00:20:26,791 --> 00:20:28,059
sticky wicket!
385
00:20:28,092 --> 00:20:31,396
YOUTUBER: We have to talk about
this weinergate situation.
386
00:20:31,428 --> 00:20:34,398
Rich Johnson just tore
up that poor weiner!
387
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:37,001
Rich, you just
took it way too far, man.
388
00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:40,972
[BROADCAST NEWS IN SPANISH]
Rich Johnson from Basketball
389
00:20:41,004 --> 00:20:44,641
is involved in weinergate!
What is wrong with him!
390
00:20:44,675 --> 00:20:48,647
Hurting a little girl is
offensive and wrong!
391
00:20:49,446 --> 00:20:51,148
And the
biggest surprise in all of this?
392
00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:53,885
Johnson was actually for the
first time ever,
393
00:20:53,917 --> 00:20:55,520
playing some defense.
394
00:20:55,552 --> 00:20:58,756
What is going on with
Basketball!? He must go...
395
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:05,129
The World Basketball League's
Vice President Bill Smegman
396
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:07,132
has declared a meeting to
determine his fate,
397
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,734
and it
doesn't look good.
398
00:21:09,766 --> 00:21:12,571
[UNRULY CROWD NOISES]
399
00:21:19,042 --> 00:21:20,945
Yeah, yeah. You wanna go, huh?
400
00:21:20,977 --> 00:21:22,846
Shouldn't you
be handing out some flyers?
401
00:21:22,879 --> 00:21:25,483
Well, I would but
I'm incapacitated right now.
402
00:21:25,515 --> 00:21:27,718
Yeah, no thanks
to you, you dick head!
403
00:21:27,752 --> 00:21:28,853
Beat it,
weenie breath.
404
00:21:28,886 --> 00:21:30,655
You're weenie breath.
405
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:34,458
Nice, nice.
Really nice.
406
00:21:34,492 --> 00:21:35,961
Get him, boys!
407
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,696
Oh, ok, great.
408
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:41,766
Ok, come on. Ooh, yeah.
409
00:21:41,799 --> 00:21:44,802
Oh, come on.
Guys, really.
410
00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:47,639
What are you guys gonna do?
411
00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:52,176
You gonna cheer me
to death? Hey, easy.
412
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:56,480
Just chill out, ok guys? Just
chill. Take a chill pill.
413
00:21:56,513 --> 00:21:57,514
Stop, chicken!
414
00:21:57,548 --> 00:22:01,820
[ANIMAL ATTACK SOUNDS]
415
00:22:02,419 --> 00:22:05,556
MR. SMEGMAN: Oh, you're late.
What a surprise.
416
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,992
Yeah, uh sorry
about that, Shmegs.
417
00:22:08,024 --> 00:22:10,128
I was outside signing autographs
418
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,795
but it's good
to see you, Shmegs.
419
00:22:11,829 --> 00:22:14,999
No, it's Smegman,
Bill Smegman, ok?
420
00:22:15,032 --> 00:22:18,636
I know, Mr. Smegman.
I'm sorry. I was just joking.
421
00:22:18,668 --> 00:22:22,706
You're joking? Yeah well I'm
not. You know, you're really
422
00:22:22,740 --> 00:22:25,477
lucky we kept you out of
jail for a felony. Do you have
423
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:29,981
any idea what they do to rich
basketball players in jail?
424
00:22:30,013 --> 00:22:32,050
Well, I'm sure
it gives a whole new meaning to
425
00:22:32,082 --> 00:22:33,817
the term
"taking it to the hole".
426
00:22:33,850 --> 00:22:37,522
Ah, yeah. But not so good for
somebody who plays defense as
427
00:22:37,554 --> 00:22:39,490
poorly as you do, pretty boy.
428
00:22:40,157 --> 00:22:41,759
Ouch.
429
00:22:41,792 --> 00:22:45,029
Yeah, but you know what?
Look, I got a plan for you.
430
00:22:45,061 --> 00:22:47,698
I don't
think you understand but your
431
00:22:47,732 --> 00:22:52,270
grief to dollar ratio is higher
than it's ever been in your
432
00:22:52,302 --> 00:22:54,037
entire career.
433
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:56,608
Well that's
good, right? I mean, you're
434
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:57,841
still making
money. What do you care?
435
00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:01,145
What are you, an idiot? I don't
think you understand the grief
436
00:23:01,177 --> 00:23:04,148
to dollar ratio concept. Huh?
437
00:23:04,180 --> 00:23:06,951
You don't get it, do you? You
know what? Let's roll the tape!
438
00:23:11,222 --> 00:23:14,125
[THE NATIONAL ANTHEM]
439
00:23:14,157 --> 00:23:17,861
ANGRY FAN: Oh, come on!
Get up you commie or I'm gonna make you
440
00:23:17,895 --> 00:23:19,731
red, white, black and blue.
441
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:21,733
Come on!
442
00:23:21,765 --> 00:23:24,201
What is this bullshit? Get up.
443
00:23:24,834 --> 00:23:28,939
Come on. This
is god damned ridiculous!
444
00:23:29,706 --> 00:23:32,843
[CROWD BOOS]
445
00:23:40,784 --> 00:23:44,121
You know, after all these years,
446
00:23:44,155 --> 00:23:46,190
you're costing us more money
447
00:23:46,223 --> 00:23:48,059
than you're making for us.
448
00:23:48,591 --> 00:23:52,162
Yeah, but you need me.
I'm Rich Johnson, super
449
00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:53,865
star basketball player.
450
00:23:53,898 --> 00:23:56,801
You're Rich Johnson,
super star ball buster!
451
00:23:58,602 --> 00:23:59,837
You my young friend
452
00:23:59,870 --> 00:24:02,907
are a PR nightmare. It's a full
time job managing your bullshit.
453
00:24:02,939 --> 00:24:05,976
All this crap has gone viral.
Now we're forced to fix it.
454
00:24:06,010 --> 00:24:07,278
[KNOCK AT THE WINDOW]
455
00:24:07,311 --> 00:24:10,281
[HIGH SCREECHING SOUND]
456
00:24:10,313 --> 00:24:14,017
You know, someone once said,
457
00:24:14,051 --> 00:24:17,254
"a man is only as
faithful as his options."
458
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,891
Was that Abe Lincoln?
459
00:24:19,924 --> 00:24:22,961
No, it was Chris Rock.
And if you want to be
460
00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:25,830
faithful to this team, you have
one option if you want to stay
461
00:24:25,862 --> 00:24:30,734
in the league. Look at this
asshole! This is all your fault.
462
00:24:30,767 --> 00:24:31,969
Schmuck.
463
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:34,038
It's
official, starting tomorrow, not
464
00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:37,908
only is Rich Johnson suspended
for the next 5 games of the
465
00:24:37,942 --> 00:24:41,279
championship series, but also
during the suspension he will
466
00:24:41,311 --> 00:24:44,215
have to lead a charity
basketball team, named the
467
00:24:44,247 --> 00:24:47,751
Sacramento Stars, to raise
money for various organizations.
468
00:24:47,784 --> 00:24:49,920
We are told if he screws up,
469
00:24:49,954 --> 00:24:52,190
he will be out of
the league for good...
470
00:24:52,223 --> 00:24:55,693
But if he completes his
service, he will be eligible to
471
00:24:55,725 --> 00:24:58,696
play in Game 7, if the
series even goes that far.
472
00:25:01,365 --> 00:25:03,101
I've got you, kid.
473
00:25:06,369 --> 00:25:08,406
Daddy, I wish
you didn't have to go.
474
00:25:08,438 --> 00:25:11,208
Yeah, you
me and the rest of the world.
475
00:25:11,775 --> 00:25:14,211
Sweetie, can we
have a minute, your dad and me?
476
00:25:18,215 --> 00:25:20,251
Hey, practice that three!
477
00:25:20,283 --> 00:25:22,119
You're going to be able
to keep your promise, right?
478
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,189
CostumeCon? She has a tiny heart
479
00:25:25,222 --> 00:25:27,658
and she can't afford to
be broken by her hero. You.
480
00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:30,095
Of course. Yeah, ok,
I said I would be there.
481
00:25:34,298 --> 00:25:36,167
Hey, let me see that 3, come on.
482
00:25:37,234 --> 00:25:41,872
Hey son, why don't you take your
WBL MVP trophy and show these
483
00:25:41,906 --> 00:25:44,743
clowns what a real professional
basketball player looks like?
484
00:25:46,209 --> 00:25:47,645
[LOUD HORN]
485
00:25:48,779 --> 00:25:50,015
[GLASS BREAKING]
486
00:25:51,415 --> 00:25:53,118
It was a piece of shit anyway.
487
00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:09,667
[GRUNTS]
488
00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:23,381
MOBILE: You're not using
your ass enough, Luther.
489
00:26:23,747 --> 00:26:27,084
Come on, Mikey! Use it!
490
00:26:28,918 --> 00:26:32,189
Alright,
sweetie. I love you. Talk soon.
491
00:26:33,157 --> 00:26:34,425
I love you.
492
00:26:34,457 --> 00:26:36,393
I love you too. You got this.
493
00:26:36,426 --> 00:26:38,062
Dad.
494
00:26:38,362 --> 00:26:40,965
Yeah. Looks like it's gonna
be a lot of fun, son.
495
00:26:40,997 --> 00:26:44,268
Don't share any glasses
or needles with these guys.
496
00:26:46,971 --> 00:26:48,373
More like a carnival really.
497
00:26:57,348 --> 00:27:01,086
[HIP HOP SOUNDTRACK FADES IN]
498
00:27:09,159 --> 00:27:12,396
Hey, dude. I left my luggage
out there, but be careful,
499
00:27:12,428 --> 00:27:13,530
I've got a laptop.
500
00:27:13,563 --> 00:27:15,734
CARI: There ain't no bellhop
here and no man either.
501
00:27:16,266 --> 00:27:18,936
I'm so sorry, ma'am.
502
00:27:19,870 --> 00:27:22,907
Yeah, it's the haircut.
It fools a lot of people.
503
00:27:22,939 --> 00:27:26,910
Uh, yeah. It could be the
hair. It could also be the bass
504
00:27:26,944 --> 00:27:29,013
drum that seems
to lodged in your throat.
505
00:27:33,082 --> 00:27:35,887
Are you saying
I have a man's voice?
506
00:27:35,919 --> 00:27:39,556
Um, you know what I probably
just need to clean my ears.
507
00:27:39,590 --> 00:27:43,061
MIKE: What up Hollywood
superstar in the house!
508
00:27:47,031 --> 00:27:49,200
How the hell did
you end up with these freaks?
509
00:27:49,233 --> 00:27:51,869
NICK: Man, it's a crazy story.
I think about 10 years ago...
510
00:27:51,901 --> 00:27:53,970
[LOUD SNORING]
511
00:27:54,003 --> 00:27:58,976
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Well I
guess that answers that.
512
00:27:59,543 --> 00:28:02,312
Ok. Let me get off you, here.
513
00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:05,850
Excuse me.
514
00:28:07,885 --> 00:28:09,887
Hey, bad idea.
That's Mobile's seat.
515
00:28:09,919 --> 00:28:12,122
Yeah,
well now it's my seat now.
516
00:28:12,555 --> 00:28:16,426
For a few seconds. Hint, they
don't call him Mobile because
517
00:28:16,459 --> 00:28:19,263
he's from Mobile Alabama...
even though he is from there.
518
00:28:31,407 --> 00:28:34,078
MOBILE:
You're in my seat, Dick.
519
00:28:34,711 --> 00:28:39,117
Oh. Um, I
don't see your name anywhere.
520
00:28:39,617 --> 00:28:41,085
Thought you'd say that.
521
00:28:41,118 --> 00:28:44,388
[UPTEMPO DRUM]
522
00:28:49,326 --> 00:28:51,529
Now you see how he
got his name.
523
00:28:51,561 --> 00:28:54,165
He moves people, literally.
524
00:28:54,197 --> 00:28:55,166
Tell him, Mathews.
525
00:28:55,198 --> 00:28:56,167
Literally!
526
00:28:56,199 --> 00:28:57,835
You better ask somebody.
527
00:29:04,942 --> 00:29:08,246
Well, thanks Mobile. I wanted
to use the restroom anyway.
528
00:29:16,654 --> 00:29:17,922
[BRAKES SCREECH]
529
00:29:17,955 --> 00:29:19,389
[SPLASHES AND SCREAMS]
530
00:29:21,024 --> 00:29:22,959
[LAUGHTER]
531
00:29:22,993 --> 00:29:25,196
[DEEP BASS] That's for
saying I sound like a man.
532
00:29:31,201 --> 00:29:33,204
He look like Avatar's shit.
533
00:29:35,438 --> 00:29:37,207
[LAUGHTER QUIETS]
534
00:29:39,510 --> 00:29:43,513
Oh, Luther,
535
00:29:43,546 --> 00:29:45,181
John Luther.
536
00:29:45,215 --> 00:29:46,317
Yeah, I'm
surprised you remember.
537
00:29:46,350 --> 00:29:49,186
Oh, come on
man. What happened to you?
538
00:29:49,218 --> 00:29:51,087
We were supposed to
be in the pros together.
539
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,425
Oh wow.
Excuse me, man. Not all of us
540
00:29:54,457 --> 00:29:58,128
got drafted Mr. 1st rounder. I
went to Europe. That's the only
541
00:29:58,161 --> 00:30:00,430
That's the only ticket
I got so I took it.
542
00:30:00,464 --> 00:30:02,265
I made a nice life
for myself over there.
543
00:30:02,299 --> 00:30:04,668
Not, I mean, like your life,
544
00:30:04,702 --> 00:30:06,671
but I was able to
take care of my family.
545
00:30:06,704 --> 00:30:09,540
Alright well, at least you have
some pro experience, not like
546
00:30:09,572 --> 00:30:12,310
the rest of these losers.
What are you doing here?
547
00:30:13,711 --> 00:30:16,047
To keep living the dream, man.
548
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,983
The dream?
This is more like a nightmare.
549
00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:24,054
Wow. Nightmare, nightmare. You
know what? You might surprise
550
00:30:24,088 --> 00:30:28,225
yourself by doing something you
actually like for someone else
551
00:30:28,257 --> 00:30:30,027
other than yourself.
552
00:30:31,094 --> 00:30:35,065
Ok. Alright.
Thanks, Tony Robbins.
553
00:30:35,099 --> 00:30:38,936
Yo!
Superstar needs a nickname.
554
00:30:39,803 --> 00:30:42,340
MOBILE: With a name like
Johnson, who needs one?
555
00:30:42,372 --> 00:30:46,043
Oh, ok. I get it. Johnson.
556
00:30:46,642 --> 00:30:49,713
Good one, Mobile.
557
00:30:49,746 --> 00:30:52,649
[ENGINE STARTS]
558
00:30:55,586 --> 00:30:57,154
[BUS HORN HONKS TWICE]
559
00:30:57,186 --> 00:31:00,358
Oh, this is gonna suck.
560
00:31:00,890 --> 00:31:04,394
[HIP HOP MUSIC FADES IN]
561
00:31:17,774 --> 00:31:20,410
BALLZ:
Another day, another dump.
562
00:31:20,444 --> 00:31:22,480
I hope this
place has indoor plumbing.
563
00:31:22,513 --> 00:31:26,350
Yo, Mike. You'll get some
serious double mattress action
564
00:31:26,382 --> 00:31:27,384
up in this piece.
565
00:31:27,417 --> 00:31:28,686
Don't tell nobody that shit!
566
00:31:28,718 --> 00:31:30,487
What the hell
does that mean?
567
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:31,755
Better pray you never find out.
568
00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:34,591
Well let's just hope
that this place has a spa.
569
00:31:34,625 --> 00:31:37,728
No, but we gave you the luxury
suite with a Jacuzzi. They gave
570
00:31:37,761 --> 00:31:40,630
it to us for free because
tomorrow they're demolishing the
571
00:31:40,664 --> 00:31:42,133
hotel to build up some condos.
572
00:31:42,166 --> 00:31:43,634
A day too late.
573
00:31:43,667 --> 00:31:47,804
You know Rich, feel
free to trash the hotel room.
574
00:31:47,838 --> 00:31:48,773
You
know, get out all of your
575
00:31:48,805 --> 00:31:49,973
frustrations before
the first game, alright?
576
00:31:50,006 --> 00:31:54,244
I mean just tear shit up,
alright? Yeah, just go crazy.
577
00:32:05,488 --> 00:32:10,327
You want rock star? I'll show
you rock star. I'm Rich Johnson.
578
00:32:10,727 --> 00:32:12,529
I'm Rich Johnson,
579
00:32:12,562 --> 00:32:17,568
ten time WBL all star, all time
WBL leading scorer.
580
00:32:19,235 --> 00:32:22,339
Huh, Smegman! You hear
that, Smegman? Do you hear that?
581
00:32:22,371 --> 00:32:25,542
Oh, you don't hear me?
You wanna feel me, huh?
582
00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:28,246
[SHATTERING AND HEAVY METAL]
583
00:32:45,896 --> 00:32:49,734
I'm a rock star.
You feel that, Smegman?
584
00:32:50,134 --> 00:32:54,505
All time leading scorer. WBL!
585
00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:02,513
[POUNDING ON THE DOOR]
586
00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:04,181
[MUSIC ENDS]
587
00:33:08,185 --> 00:33:09,753
MANAGER: What in the hell
do you think you're doing?
588
00:33:10,221 --> 00:33:13,224
What's the problem? I thought
this place was being raised.
589
00:33:13,256 --> 00:33:14,792
You're building condos, right?
590
00:33:14,824 --> 00:33:17,427
Looks like
you're building a bloody nest.
591
00:33:18,294 --> 00:33:20,697
[LAUGHING]
592
00:33:22,765 --> 00:33:24,869
Hey, he fell
for the old demolition gag! This
593
00:33:24,901 --> 00:33:27,437
week is gonna be the best week
we've ever had within a week.
594
00:33:27,838 --> 00:33:30,475
Hey, this ain't
the WBL superstar!
595
00:33:32,208 --> 00:33:35,145
LUTHER:
Welcome to the stars, baby.
596
00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:38,715
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
597
00:33:38,748 --> 00:33:42,385
Juvenile. Just juvenile.
598
00:33:46,523 --> 00:33:48,559
[PHONE RINGS]
599
00:33:48,591 --> 00:33:51,395
Hey, it's me.
How's the knee?
600
00:33:51,427 --> 00:33:52,428
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
601
00:33:52,462 --> 00:33:55,733
Good. Considering now I look
602
00:33:55,765 --> 00:33:59,436
like Papa Smurf. I got thrown in
603
00:33:59,468 --> 00:34:03,806
the air like a rag doll and
don't let me forget the 10,000
604
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,276
dollars in damages I've
got to pay for this hotel room.
605
00:34:06,310 --> 00:34:08,244
Well look at the
bright side. At least your dad's
606
00:34:08,277 --> 00:34:11,214
not on the tour with you and
you've got CostumeCon coming up
607
00:34:11,248 --> 00:34:12,483
with you daughter.
608
00:34:12,516 --> 00:34:15,920
And at least we get to play some
basketball tomorrow, finally.
609
00:34:19,822 --> 00:34:21,292
Who are you playing?
610
00:34:21,324 --> 00:34:23,359
Some team called the ABS.
611
00:34:23,393 --> 00:34:25,563
They're supposedly the
greatest athletes in the
612
00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:27,931
world but they're
like a bunch of crybabies.
613
00:34:27,964 --> 00:34:31,468
Mmm.
Sounds fun. Well, I love you.
614
00:34:32,368 --> 00:34:34,371
Alright. You too.
615
00:34:37,907 --> 00:34:41,444
[HIP HOP MUSIC FADES IN]
616
00:34:46,016 --> 00:34:48,252
Alright, Rich. Let's keep in
617
00:34:48,284 --> 00:34:51,487
mind that this is for charity,
man. Alright so we've got to let
618
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,390
them score some points
and we've got to let them win.
619
00:34:54,424 --> 00:34:55,893
We can't them
walking around here crying.
620
00:34:55,926 --> 00:34:58,494
That's the weirdest pep talk
I've ever heard.
621
00:34:58,527 --> 00:34:59,830
Are you kidding me?
622
00:34:59,862 --> 00:35:04,868
ABS COACH: Gentlemen,
you are the best of the best of the best.
623
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,772
Are you
kidding me? This is-
624
00:35:08,804 --> 00:35:11,274
This is insane. I thought we
were playing a real
625
00:35:11,308 --> 00:35:13,510
basketball game.
626
00:35:13,543 --> 00:35:15,512
I thought we were playing the
ABS. You know, athletes
627
00:35:15,545 --> 00:35:19,717
with six packs. This looks like
a friggin' playground.
628
00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:22,418
Uh, no. We
are playing against the ABS, but
629
00:35:22,451 --> 00:35:24,721
it's the Adult Baby Society.
630
00:35:26,690 --> 00:35:28,426
[BABY NOISES]
631
00:35:29,226 --> 00:35:30,962
Don't you watch
Jerry Springer, man?
632
00:35:35,598 --> 00:35:37,033
[BABY WAILS]
633
00:35:37,067 --> 00:35:40,003
Oh! Sorry, sorry
babies. My bad.
634
00:35:40,837 --> 00:35:42,806
I think you
might want to use this.
635
00:35:43,674 --> 00:35:44,742
[CROWD NOISE]
636
00:35:44,775 --> 00:35:48,545
Yo, who's your daddy? I'm your
daddy, that's right.
637
00:35:48,578 --> 00:35:50,581
Yeah, your mama's a ho.
638
00:35:54,717 --> 00:35:56,620
[CROWD BOOS]
639
00:35:57,587 --> 00:36:02,493
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on. Stop crying. Don't cry.
640
00:36:02,525 --> 00:36:04,560
Come on, just be cool.
641
00:36:04,594 --> 00:36:06,764
Just be cool, man.
642
00:36:06,797 --> 00:36:08,831
I don't know
what's going on with him.
643
00:36:08,864 --> 00:36:11,268
Don't cry. Come on,
no, no, no. stop.
644
00:36:11,935 --> 00:36:14,337
Come on.
645
00:36:14,371 --> 00:36:15,706
Mean, mean man!
646
00:36:16,038 --> 00:36:19,075
I'm mean? I'm
mean? Oh come on,
647
00:36:19,109 --> 00:36:23,913
don't be such a baby. Here
we go, ok, here we go, ok.
648
00:36:23,947 --> 00:36:26,750
[BONE CRUNCHING HIT]
649
00:36:26,782 --> 00:36:27,951
CROWD:
Ohhhhhhhh!
650
00:36:29,118 --> 00:36:30,754
Ay caramba!
651
00:36:33,790 --> 00:36:35,692
I think you gonna
need a diaper after that.
652
00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:36,894
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
653
00:36:36,927 --> 00:36:40,864
That's a testicle that's
a technical foul.
654
00:36:40,897 --> 00:36:42,665
You just got yourself
a time out.
655
00:36:42,699 --> 00:36:46,570
Come here. Get in the corner.
656
00:36:46,603 --> 00:36:49,340
You alright, man?
You gonna need a diaper, man?
657
00:36:49,373 --> 00:36:50,875
[CLAPPING]
658
00:36:53,076 --> 00:36:55,545
[BALL SQUEAKS]
659
00:37:01,618 --> 00:37:02,585
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
660
00:37:02,618 --> 00:37:04,454
[BABY CRY]
661
00:37:23,940 --> 00:37:25,943
[CROWD CHEERS]
662
00:37:31,915 --> 00:37:34,552
What is that smell?
663
00:37:35,152 --> 00:37:39,490
[FARTING]
664
00:37:40,156 --> 00:37:41,758
You shit yourself boy?
665
00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:43,460
[FARTING]
666
00:37:43,493 --> 00:37:44,561
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
667
00:37:45,494 --> 00:37:47,663
REFEREE:
Time out.
668
00:37:47,697 --> 00:37:52,369
[BABY SOUNDS, FART SOUNDS AND
THE SOUND OF FLIES BUZZING]
669
00:37:53,170 --> 00:37:57,541
[HUGE FART SOUNDS]
670
00:37:57,574 --> 00:37:59,476
MOTHER:
C'mon sweetie, c'mon babies
671
00:37:59,509 --> 00:38:02,679
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the halftime baby races.
672
00:38:02,712 --> 00:38:05,516
MOM:
Drinky drinky! Drinky drinky!
673
00:38:05,549 --> 00:38:07,518
Babies are crouched
at the starting line.
674
00:38:07,551 --> 00:38:09,152
The parents are ready too.
675
00:38:09,185 --> 00:38:10,153
I got five...
676
00:38:10,186 --> 00:38:11,889
Bets are being placed.
677
00:38:11,922 --> 00:38:13,424
I got double or nothing-
678
00:38:13,456 --> 00:38:15,058
ANNOUNCER:
And some are high.
679
00:38:15,891 --> 00:38:17,794
And they are off.
680
00:38:17,828 --> 00:38:20,931
Big little baby is pulling ahead
681
00:38:20,964 --> 00:38:23,967
and Baby shit your pants is
right behind him.
682
00:38:24,234 --> 00:38:27,571
Jason Mamoa
baby is falling behind.
683
00:38:27,603 --> 00:38:29,572
Who is gonna-
684
00:38:29,605 --> 00:38:31,207
[CROWD GASPS]
685
00:38:31,241 --> 00:38:34,143
It looks like we've
taken a double D detour.
686
00:38:34,177 --> 00:38:36,881
LARGE CHESTED WOMAN:
It's ok. It's no problem.
687
00:38:37,614 --> 00:38:40,918
[CHURCH CHOIR]
688
00:38:42,652 --> 00:38:44,188
[CROWD CHEERS]
689
00:38:44,221 --> 00:38:46,623
Tig ol bitties.
690
00:38:46,656 --> 00:38:47,924
Don't
fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.
691
00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:49,226
Don't fall asleep.
Don't fall asleep.
692
00:38:49,259 --> 00:38:50,726
I think I'm in love.
693
00:38:50,759 --> 00:38:52,161
ANNOUNCER:
It looks like the race is over.
694
00:38:52,194 --> 00:38:53,663
Come on, babies.
695
00:38:54,297 --> 00:38:56,900
BABIES:
Mama, mama, mama.
696
00:38:56,933 --> 00:38:59,802
ANNOUNCER: I mean, who wouldn't
want to suck on those titties?
697
00:38:59,835 --> 00:39:00,837
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
698
00:39:00,871 --> 00:39:03,007
Game over! It's feeding time.
699
00:39:03,906 --> 00:39:07,677
Hey man, not bad for your
first game. Now tomorrow, I'm
700
00:39:07,710 --> 00:39:09,712
going to introduce
you to a big fan of yours.
701
00:39:09,746 --> 00:39:12,215
Oh, you mean we're
not playing the adult furries?
702
00:39:12,248 --> 00:39:17,020
Oh man, I think I'm
gonna go find that woman.
703
00:39:22,659 --> 00:39:26,697
Whooh! It is hot out here.
Why are we here, again?
704
00:39:26,730 --> 00:39:28,732
Worthington
is the biggest sponsor we have.
705
00:39:28,764 --> 00:39:30,766
He always
writes a fat check. Now I never
706
00:39:30,799 --> 00:39:34,203
met the man, but now that you're
on the team he wants us to make
707
00:39:34,237 --> 00:39:35,706
a personal appearance.
708
00:39:35,739 --> 00:39:36,807
Of course he does.
709
00:39:36,839 --> 00:39:40,076
Apparently he loves
his animals. Are you allergic?
710
00:39:40,110 --> 00:39:41,712
Not that I know of.
711
00:39:41,744 --> 00:39:43,047
Man, that is a big turtle.
712
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,982
BUTLER: Hello gentlemen.
I was just taking Augie for his walk.
713
00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:48,619
Mr. Worthington's
is waiting for you, inside.
714
00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:51,188
You'll be taking lemonade
with him on the patio.
715
00:39:51,221 --> 00:39:52,790
Oh, lemonade.
716
00:39:53,924 --> 00:39:55,525
Later Augie.
717
00:39:55,558 --> 00:39:59,662
[ANIMAL SOUNDS]
718
00:39:59,696 --> 00:40:00,730
Mr. Worthington?
719
00:40:00,764 --> 00:40:03,234
WORTHINGTON:
In here, gentlemen.
720
00:40:06,268 --> 00:40:10,040
Welcome.
This is Mr. Dingles.
721
00:40:10,072 --> 00:40:13,243
He's a recent rescue.
He's a little bit naughty.
722
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,880
But then sometimes I
like them naughty.
723
00:40:16,913 --> 00:40:19,983
And you've been naughty.
Oh, Mr. Dingles.
724
00:40:20,016 --> 00:40:22,686
Where are you going?
725
00:40:24,219 --> 00:40:27,924
Mm.
726
00:40:28,391 --> 00:40:30,127
Let
me give you the personal tour
727
00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:34,063
and then after we can grab some
lemonade. So, as you can see,
728
00:40:34,096 --> 00:40:38,000
I'm an animal lover. Cats,
tortoises, whatever. But then
729
00:40:38,034 --> 00:40:40,203
there's the
love of my life Raoul.
730
00:40:40,235 --> 00:40:43,306
Raoul.
Oh, Raoul. Oh yeah,
731
00:40:43,339 --> 00:40:47,176
We met him outside.
Hey, what's up Raoul?
732
00:40:47,677 --> 00:40:52,015
[LAUGHING] No, silly.
That's just my butler.
733
00:40:52,047 --> 00:40:56,953
No, Raoul is a parrot.
Yes, this is us in front of the Eiffel
734
00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:59,924
Tower and we went to Rio.
735
00:41:01,223 --> 00:41:03,226
That must be where
the honeymoon was.
736
00:41:03,793 --> 00:41:07,096
Would you like to
meet Raoul? He's in my bedroom.
737
00:41:07,596 --> 00:41:11,067
Oh, um, yeah. We don't have
738
00:41:11,101 --> 00:41:13,369
to meet Raoul right now.
We could probably like
739
00:41:13,402 --> 00:41:16,372
Oh, come on you!
740
00:41:16,406 --> 00:41:19,810
Oh
Randy, when the lemonade is
741
00:41:19,842 --> 00:41:21,243
ready, ring the little bell ok?
742
00:41:21,277 --> 00:41:23,080
Yes, Mr. Worthington.
743
00:41:27,851 --> 00:41:30,186
You know, if
Raoul's asleep we
744
00:41:30,219 --> 00:41:31,254
could just come back later.
745
00:41:31,288 --> 00:41:34,324
No, he'd just hate me
if he missed meeting you.
746
00:41:35,991 --> 00:41:38,828
Here he is,
747
00:41:38,862 --> 00:41:40,197
my pride and joy.
748
00:41:40,230 --> 00:41:41,331
[PARROT CAWS]
749
00:41:42,031 --> 00:41:43,366
This is Raoul.
750
00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:46,703
We're celebrating
our 30th Anniversary.
751
00:41:48,804 --> 00:41:51,074
Sorry, do you uh do you mind?
752
00:41:52,042 --> 00:41:53,677
Take off whatever you want.
753
00:41:53,710 --> 00:41:55,878
Hey there,
Raoul. How ya doing, buddy?
754
00:41:55,911 --> 00:41:57,246
Raoul want a cracker?
755
00:41:57,279 --> 00:42:00,016
RAOUL: Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass.
Johnson's a dick.
756
00:42:00,049 --> 00:42:01,150
Johnson's a dick.
757
00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:04,688
[GONG]
758
00:42:04,721 --> 00:42:06,190
Time for lemonade.
759
00:42:08,991 --> 00:42:10,726
Oh, I forgot my jacket.
760
00:42:10,759 --> 00:42:11,727
Weinergate!
761
00:42:11,761 --> 00:42:12,696
Just shut the door behind you.
762
00:42:12,728 --> 00:42:16,032
Weinergate.
Ball-hog pussy. Ball-hog pussy!
763
00:42:16,065 --> 00:42:18,701
Alright, shut up Raoul, ok?
764
00:42:18,735 --> 00:42:19,970
Ball hog!
Ball hog! Weinergate!
765
00:42:20,203 --> 00:42:23,306
Weinergate! Ball,
ball, ball, ball hog! Hog!
766
00:42:23,339 --> 00:42:25,042
I'm warning you Raoul.
You'd better zip it.
767
00:42:28,143 --> 00:42:29,712
F you Raoul!
768
00:42:32,248 --> 00:42:35,052
[HIP HOP]
769
00:42:43,393 --> 00:42:45,095
[SNORES]
770
00:42:45,127 --> 00:42:49,098
[SEWING MACHINE]
771
00:43:00,944 --> 00:43:03,147
[LOUD SNORES]
772
00:43:09,152 --> 00:43:11,188
Hey mom, does this look ok?
773
00:43:11,821 --> 00:43:16,326
Wow! That's fantastic. Even
Superman would be jealous.
774
00:43:17,092 --> 00:43:19,730
I only have 4 days to
get it ready for CostumeCon!
775
00:43:19,763 --> 00:43:20,964
You're gonna get it done.
776
00:43:21,464 --> 00:43:25,268
I know I will. But do you think
Dad will be there to wear it?
777
00:43:26,235 --> 00:43:30,072
I think even your dad can
manage to stay out of trouble
778
00:43:30,105 --> 00:43:33,810
for 4 days.
779
00:43:34,877 --> 00:43:37,346
At least I hope.
780
00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:42,319
[80's SYNTH]
781
00:44:10,112 --> 00:44:13,317
[SYNTH CONTINUES]
782
00:44:33,002 --> 00:44:34,138
[MUSIC ENDS]
783
00:44:34,770 --> 00:44:39,008
It has been
such a wonderful afternoon.
784
00:44:39,641 --> 00:44:43,212
I'll be right back
with that fat check.
785
00:44:43,846 --> 00:44:45,815
What are you doing tonight?
786
00:44:45,848 --> 00:44:48,351
Uh me? Um...
787
00:44:49,853 --> 00:44:51,121
Oh, we have practice.
788
00:44:51,154 --> 00:44:52,121
We don't have practice.
789
00:44:52,154 --> 00:44:54,824
We have practice.
We have practice tonight.
790
00:44:54,857 --> 00:44:55,825
We're practicing.
791
00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:56,994
You two work it out.
792
00:45:00,295 --> 00:45:03,167
Oh wow, that was awkward.
793
00:45:05,567 --> 00:45:07,369
Hey, where's your jacket?
794
00:45:07,402 --> 00:45:09,572
Aw, damn.
I'll be right back.
795
00:45:09,605 --> 00:45:10,973
Alright, man.
796
00:45:13,375 --> 00:45:15,044
[CAT MEOWS]
797
00:45:15,078 --> 00:45:17,179
Holy shit!
798
00:45:17,212 --> 00:45:19,182
[CAT MEOWS]
799
00:45:22,185 --> 00:45:24,154
RICH:
Holy shit!
800
00:45:26,956 --> 00:45:28,058
[CAT MEOWS]
801
00:45:28,090 --> 00:45:29,558
Where's the bird?
802
00:45:29,592 --> 00:45:31,360
In Mr. Dingles.
803
00:45:31,393 --> 00:45:32,596
Oh shit.
804
00:45:33,429 --> 00:45:34,598
What's going on?
805
00:45:34,630 --> 00:45:35,898
Nothing. Nothing.
806
00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:48,144
You
naughty, naughty men.
807
00:45:48,177 --> 00:45:53,183
You didn't shut the door behind
you. And you killed my love.
808
00:45:53,683 --> 00:45:55,418
Now hold on a second. Raoul
809
00:45:55,451 --> 00:46:00,190
was smack talking me. More
than Larry Bird. Larry Bird.
810
00:46:00,223 --> 00:46:05,228
My 5-dollar cat
ate my priceless Raoul.
811
00:46:08,364 --> 00:46:12,034
Hey, I'm so sorry, but
can we still get that check?
812
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,042
Get out.
813
00:46:19,074 --> 00:46:22,478
Ok. Ok. Ok.
814
00:46:25,681 --> 00:46:27,950
I'm so sorry,
I just have to get my jacket.
815
00:46:27,984 --> 00:46:30,152
Get out!
816
00:46:30,353 --> 00:46:34,258
[SOBS]
817
00:46:36,726 --> 00:46:40,898
[HIP HOP]
818
00:46:46,002 --> 00:46:47,971
You wanna see
something really freaky?
819
00:46:50,373 --> 00:46:52,641
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, I'm pretty sure this does
820
00:46:52,674 --> 00:46:54,610
not qualify as consensual.
821
00:46:55,078 --> 00:46:59,116
Relax superstar. I really
wanna just show you this. Oh!
822
00:47:00,116 --> 00:47:05,021
That is nasty! That is nasty.
823
00:47:05,054 --> 00:47:07,958
What happened?
824
00:47:07,991 --> 00:47:09,192
What you showed him?
825
00:47:09,225 --> 00:47:11,728
Shit happens, baby!
826
00:47:11,761 --> 00:47:15,299
Oh yeah! You really suck!
827
00:47:16,098 --> 00:47:17,700
It's gonna
be hard to top that one.
828
00:47:17,734 --> 00:47:20,603
No, actually
don't be too sure about that.
829
00:47:20,636 --> 00:47:25,507
Check this out. Huh? Got this
baby at my bachelor party.
830
00:47:25,540 --> 00:47:27,676
Almost got divorced
right before I got married.
831
00:47:27,710 --> 00:47:30,045
Ok, ok, hey, hey, ok, ok.
832
00:47:30,078 --> 00:47:32,114
I got one. I got one. Hold on.
833
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,355
Dude, that's a tramp stamp.
834
00:47:40,288 --> 00:47:41,256
What'd you say Mike?
835
00:47:41,290 --> 00:47:42,558
It's a tramp stamp!
836
00:47:42,592 --> 00:47:44,561
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
837
00:47:44,594 --> 00:47:46,763
Whoa, Mobile.
Bring it down. Bring it down.
838
00:47:46,795 --> 00:47:49,331
It's art. It's art.
Life imitates art.
839
00:47:49,364 --> 00:47:51,033
Yeah, yeah.
840
00:47:52,735 --> 00:47:56,239
What are you guys playing
inch worm with your dicks out
841
00:47:56,272 --> 00:47:58,342
back here?
842
00:47:58,808 --> 00:48:00,343
I'm going to the bathroom.
843
00:48:02,511 --> 00:48:06,415
Hey Cari, if you're
back here who's driving?
844
00:48:06,449 --> 00:48:07,584
Nick's driving the bus.
845
00:48:07,616 --> 00:48:08,650
[SNORING]
846
00:48:08,683 --> 00:48:11,120
[MAYHEM]
847
00:48:17,159 --> 00:48:19,094
Luther, I can't find my shorts.
848
00:48:19,127 --> 00:48:21,163
Don't trip. I got you.
849
00:48:23,699 --> 00:48:25,201
Aren't these a little short?
850
00:48:25,234 --> 00:48:27,471
Uh, just
tuck them in, Ballz.
851
00:48:30,072 --> 00:48:31,473
Hey man,
don't you worry about suiting
852
00:48:31,507 --> 00:48:34,110
up. We've got a different
uniform for you today.
853
00:48:34,143 --> 00:48:35,712
Let me guess.
Smegman's idea?
854
00:48:35,744 --> 00:48:37,279
Anybody hate you
more than Smegman?
855
00:48:37,313 --> 00:48:39,715
This season?
No, I don't think anybody.
856
00:48:39,748 --> 00:48:42,185
Look, if you really want a
chance to play in Game 7,
857
00:48:42,217 --> 00:48:43,118
you'll do it.
858
00:48:43,152 --> 00:48:45,788
Fine. You know
what? It'll be a cakewalk.
859
00:48:45,822 --> 00:48:49,492
Yeah, that's what you keep
saying. Hey, hey, I don't
860
00:48:49,525 --> 00:48:52,228
suggest you
eating locker room sushi.
861
00:48:52,261 --> 00:48:55,398
Oh,
come on. Just like that hotel
862
00:48:55,431 --> 00:48:57,134
was gonna be demolished, right?
863
00:48:59,502 --> 00:49:02,639
Man, listen. I'm telling you.
That's like eating 7-11 sushi.
864
00:49:02,672 --> 00:49:03,773
Man, don't.
865
00:49:04,473 --> 00:49:08,110
Nick, you never finished your
story. How did you end up here?
866
00:49:08,143 --> 00:49:10,379
Yeah, man. It's a crazy
ride so basically
867
00:49:10,413 --> 00:49:11,380
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
868
00:49:11,413 --> 00:49:13,182
Dude, what the hell was that?
869
00:49:13,215 --> 00:49:14,551
I'm trying to
stop you from passing
870
00:49:14,583 --> 00:49:16,152
out in the middle of your story.
871
00:49:16,185 --> 00:49:17,587
Oh, thanks.
872
00:49:17,619 --> 00:49:18,922
[ROARING CROWD]
873
00:49:18,955 --> 00:49:20,190
ANNOUNCER: State Championship.
They're gonna need a miracle.
874
00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:21,123
The all American Nick!
875
00:49:21,157 --> 00:49:23,426
He steals the ball! He's
going all the way!
876
00:49:23,458 --> 00:49:25,627
Does he
have it? Oh my God.
877
00:49:25,661 --> 00:49:26,561
CHEERLEADER:
Seriously?
878
00:49:26,596 --> 00:49:29,099
ANNOUNCER:
Is he sleeping? Oh Canada has
879
00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:31,601
lost the game and
Nick has lost his career.
880
00:49:31,634 --> 00:49:33,235
and the worst part is...
881
00:49:33,268 --> 00:49:34,270
[SNORING]
882
00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:35,505
Ok.
883
00:49:35,538 --> 00:49:38,340
Alright well,
sweet dreams little buddy.
884
00:49:40,342 --> 00:49:45,081
[MEDITATION MUSIC]
885
00:49:46,681 --> 00:49:48,517
What is this?
886
00:49:48,551 --> 00:49:50,719
I thought it'd be a good
idea to loosen up with a little
887
00:49:50,752 --> 00:49:52,288
yoga before today's game.
888
00:49:52,855 --> 00:49:56,826
YOGA INSTRUCTOR:
Welcome gentlemen and Namaste.
889
00:49:57,194 --> 00:49:59,862
Nah, I'm a leaving.
890
00:49:59,895 --> 00:50:02,297
Yoga's for bitches, dude.
891
00:50:02,331 --> 00:50:05,835
It's a common
misconception. Yoga is for males
892
00:50:05,868 --> 00:50:09,505
as well. It comes from a place
of strength. It actually helped
893
00:50:09,538 --> 00:50:13,142
me get through my recent
divorce. Now I want you to all
894
00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:16,413
say it with me and
totally buy in. Namaste.
895
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,482
TEAM:
Namaste.
896
00:50:19,514 --> 00:50:22,784
Beautiful. Beautiful.
Bring it back to center.
897
00:50:22,817 --> 00:50:24,253
There we go
and we're gonna reach our
898
00:50:24,286 --> 00:50:25,455
arms out for our first stretch.
899
00:50:25,487 --> 00:50:28,790
A modified warrior. Really
stretch out. Yeah, feel it in
900
00:50:28,824 --> 00:50:32,494
your delts. And then just move
from side to side there you go.
901
00:50:32,527 --> 00:50:35,665
As if you're being served
divorce papers and you don't
902
00:50:35,697 --> 00:50:39,902
want to see them. No, get out
of here. Get out. I thought you
903
00:50:39,935 --> 00:50:43,205
were a hotdog vendor,
not an agent of the court.
904
00:50:44,105 --> 00:50:47,743
Side to side, beautiful. I
love what you're doing, yes.
905
00:50:48,210 --> 00:50:50,513
And we're going to bring it
back to center. There we go.
906
00:50:50,545 --> 00:50:53,448
Breathe in, breathe out.
907
00:50:53,482 --> 00:50:57,387
Time for the Fatalis pose. Reach
908
00:50:57,420 --> 00:50:58,621
those arms out this time with
909
00:50:58,654 --> 00:51:01,924
your palms facing up. And we're
going to ever so gently bend
910
00:51:01,958 --> 00:51:03,593
those biceps, bringing your
911
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:07,696
palms up to your face like
you're wondering,
912
00:51:08,163 --> 00:51:10,465
How did I ever get to this
moment?
913
00:51:10,498 --> 00:51:13,435
How did I end up here"
914
00:51:13,469 --> 00:51:16,773
[MURMURING]
Oh, he is fucked up.
915
00:51:16,806 --> 00:51:18,708
Where'd you find this guy?
916
00:51:18,741 --> 00:51:20,342
Downtown at the fitness center.
917
00:51:20,375 --> 00:51:22,244
He works at
the downtown fitness center?
918
00:51:22,277 --> 00:51:25,881
No, no, no, no. He lives behind
the fitness center in the alley.
919
00:51:28,016 --> 00:51:32,955
And we're back to center. We're
back to center, beautiful. Now
920
00:51:32,989 --> 00:51:36,391
we're going to end this session
as I've ended every night since
921
00:51:36,424 --> 00:51:39,261
my wife left,
by leaning forward.
922
00:51:39,761 --> 00:51:42,264
Just slightly leaning forward.
We're going to grab onto those
923
00:51:42,297 --> 00:51:45,368
glutes for support. Loosen up
our neck. That will be very
924
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,804
important and just bring your
head all the way down and try
925
00:51:48,837 --> 00:51:50,239
and suck your own dick.
926
00:51:50,272 --> 00:51:51,307
RANDOM MOM:
They're just praying, honey.
927
00:51:51,340 --> 00:51:53,509
Just try and suck your own dick.
Really go for it.
928
00:51:53,542 --> 00:51:54,777
What the fuck?
929
00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:57,880
Loosen up. We're losing some but
we're gaining others in spirit.
930
00:51:57,913 --> 00:51:59,983
That's ok. I do private lessons.
931
00:52:02,485 --> 00:52:04,020
What the
fuck is wrong with you, man?
932
00:52:04,052 --> 00:52:06,623
I do privates. It's ok,
I can work with you later.
933
00:52:06,989 --> 00:52:10,627
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing Rich Johnson as
934
00:52:10,659 --> 00:52:12,027
twinkle the star.
935
00:52:12,060 --> 00:52:13,228
[CROWD GOES WILD]
936
00:52:13,261 --> 00:52:17,699
That's right. Mr. Twinkle,
coming through. Yes ok, gonna
937
00:52:17,732 --> 00:52:21,703
need some hand sanitizer after
this. Yup. Sorry about my rays
938
00:52:21,737 --> 00:52:25,508
hitting you. Watch out, rays
coming through. Whoa, whoa,
939
00:52:25,540 --> 00:52:29,578
whoa, whoa. Sorry, sorry, ok.
940
00:52:29,612 --> 00:52:31,748
A lot of touching going on. Oh
941
00:52:31,781 --> 00:52:34,417
there he is, yeah, the announcer
942
00:52:34,449 --> 00:52:37,719
with the mostest. Alright, yeah,
943
00:52:37,752 --> 00:52:40,856
whooh...
944
00:52:41,324 --> 00:52:46,529
Ok. I hate you. I hate
all of you. This is a nightmare.
945
00:52:49,065 --> 00:52:50,433
[STOMACH SOUNDS]
946
00:52:50,465 --> 00:52:53,969
Oh, yellow
is your color Mr. Sunshine. Oh,
947
00:52:54,002 --> 00:52:56,872
mustard boy. I didn't know
Big Bird liked basketball.
948
00:52:57,973 --> 00:53:00,810
Screw you, Luther. Screw you!
949
00:53:00,842 --> 00:53:01,911
Alright Old Yeller.
950
00:53:03,212 --> 00:53:06,581
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen,
please welcome your celebrity
951
00:53:06,614 --> 00:53:08,984
referee, Pierre the Mime.
952
00:53:09,018 --> 00:53:11,588
[CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
953
00:53:27,402 --> 00:53:30,706
[CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
954
00:53:53,094 --> 00:53:55,364
Here you go.
955
00:53:55,397 --> 00:53:56,999
Alright
guys, bring it in, bring it in.
956
00:54:05,607 --> 00:54:09,478
Ok look. Now I know you guys are
looking at me to make this Vince
957
00:54:09,511 --> 00:54:10,712
Lombardi type speech, right?
958
00:54:10,746 --> 00:54:11,947
Who's Vince Lombardi?
959
00:54:11,980 --> 00:54:14,417
Just pay attention, man! But
listen, we gotta keep with the
960
00:54:14,449 --> 00:54:17,386
game plan, alright? Keep the
game close and let them win.
961
00:54:17,853 --> 00:54:19,388
Nick! Nick! Wake up!
962
00:54:19,422 --> 00:54:21,757
I was up. I was up. Sorry.
963
00:54:21,790 --> 00:54:24,393
You drooled a
little. Hey, I don't think we're
964
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:26,129
gonna have a
problem losing to these guys.
965
00:54:26,161 --> 00:54:28,563
Bullshit! We
can beat anybody we wanna beat.
966
00:54:28,596 --> 00:54:30,732
I don't know,
Mobile. These monks can ball.
967
00:54:30,766 --> 00:54:35,705
[CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
968
00:54:41,543 --> 00:54:45,447
There we go.
Pizza here. Get your pizza.
969
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:50,085
Yeah! Some pizza for
you, yeah. Here you go.
970
00:54:50,118 --> 00:54:51,053
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
Over here.
971
00:54:51,087 --> 00:54:52,755
Here you go.
Wait, hold on a second. Here you
972
00:54:52,788 --> 00:54:53,923
go little girl. You want that?
973
00:54:53,956 --> 00:54:54,924
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
I want a piece.
974
00:54:54,956 --> 00:54:57,826
Oh, sorry, sorry,
sorry. Hello. All for you.
975
00:54:57,860 --> 00:54:58,961
Thank you.
Enjoy.
976
00:54:58,993 --> 00:55:02,164
Ah! Oh. I am so sorry.
977
00:55:02,665 --> 00:55:05,034
Sir, I'm, I'm I'm, I'm so sorry.
978
00:55:05,067 --> 00:55:06,302
Let me just get that for you
979
00:55:06,335 --> 00:55:09,005
here. There's some napkins. I
think that'll come out. I'm so
980
00:55:09,038 --> 00:55:12,442
sorry to you and
your whole gang. Ok, ok.
981
00:55:18,647 --> 00:55:19,681
ANNOUNCER:
Jump ball won by the
982
00:55:19,714 --> 00:55:20,816
Monks.
983
00:55:20,850 --> 00:55:23,719
[EVIL LAUGHING]
984
00:55:23,752 --> 00:55:28,491
Over to Red.
He shoots. He scores.
985
00:55:29,859 --> 00:55:31,127
Monks steal the ball.
986
00:55:33,996 --> 00:55:37,032
Number 25 doing
some mime action and
987
00:55:39,067 --> 00:55:41,203
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
988
00:55:41,237 --> 00:55:42,905
it appears that Mr. Happy
989
00:55:42,938 --> 00:55:46,008
Star is going for the it's Rich
990
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,977
Johnson and he's drinking the
991
00:55:49,011 --> 00:55:53,949
holy water. Holy crap, the nuns
are horrified! Back to the game.
992
00:55:54,917 --> 00:55:56,652
He shoots he scores.
993
00:56:00,089 --> 00:56:03,159
Slam dunk
and he pledges himself! Ballz
994
00:56:03,192 --> 00:56:06,728
putting on a one man show. He
drives to the hoop and it's up,
995
00:56:06,761 --> 00:56:08,063
slam dunk!
996
00:56:08,496 --> 00:56:10,565
There you go, boy!
997
00:56:10,598 --> 00:56:12,801
ANNOUNCER: And the Sacramento
Stars pleasuring each other down
998
00:56:12,835 --> 00:56:14,571
the court.
999
00:56:16,772 --> 00:56:19,542
And it's to the Monks
and they score again!
1000
00:56:19,574 --> 00:56:21,977
Friar Tuck holding position.
1001
00:56:23,112 --> 00:56:26,782
Big Red rejects!
1002
00:56:26,815 --> 00:56:28,985
Big Red's feeling
power surging through him.
1003
00:56:29,018 --> 00:56:32,155
Big Red passes and
another score for the Monks.
1004
00:56:34,188 --> 00:56:36,225
Help!
1005
00:56:38,761 --> 00:56:41,697
ANNOUNCER:
Time out Stars.
1006
00:56:42,098 --> 00:56:45,668
We're experiencing
technical difficulties.
1007
00:57:00,081 --> 00:57:02,685
And it looks like
Ballz has the ball and putting
1008
00:57:02,717 --> 00:57:07,255
on a show, dominating this court
all the way down, the master of
1009
00:57:07,288 --> 00:57:08,657
his domain.
1010
00:57:09,924 --> 00:57:11,060
Come on Ballz, you got it.
1011
00:57:11,092 --> 00:57:12,694
I taught him that one.
1012
00:57:12,728 --> 00:57:16,733
[CROWD GROANS AND MURMURS]
1013
00:57:21,703 --> 00:57:23,038
Ballz!
1014
00:57:23,072 --> 00:57:25,742
ANNOUNCER: We now know
why they call him balls.
1015
00:57:26,509 --> 00:57:28,311
When I said
show em what you got,
1016
00:57:28,344 --> 00:57:30,179
I didn't mean show 'em
what you got, got!
1017
00:57:30,212 --> 00:57:31,880
Uh...
1018
00:57:31,913 --> 00:57:34,883
Oh, ho, ho,
that's what I call a loose ball
1019
00:57:34,917 --> 00:57:36,819
foul on deez nutz.
1020
00:57:36,851 --> 00:57:37,920
[HALFTIME HORN]
1021
00:57:37,953 --> 00:57:41,324
Twinkle is going to
attempt a mascot record, jumping
1022
00:57:41,357 --> 00:57:45,295
over not 1 but 5 monks for
your halftime entertainment!
1023
00:57:46,161 --> 00:57:50,667
[FARTING]
1024
00:57:53,835 --> 00:57:54,971
Hey man, are you alright?
1025
00:57:55,003 --> 00:57:56,906
Ugh. I don't feel so good.
1026
00:57:57,572 --> 00:58:00,810
See, I told you not to eat that
locker room sushi.
1027
00:58:00,842 --> 00:58:01,877
You didn't want to listen.
1028
00:58:01,909 --> 00:58:02,978
(FART SOUND)
1029
00:58:03,011 --> 00:58:06,281
Oh, wow!
1030
00:58:06,815 --> 00:58:08,384
Ready when you are Twinkles.
1031
00:58:08,417 --> 00:58:10,886
Hey man, you sure
you want to do this?
1032
00:58:10,918 --> 00:58:13,922
Alright, alright. Look if you
shat yourself it's not my fault.
1033
00:58:16,991 --> 00:58:20,295
[CROWD CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
1034
00:58:25,299 --> 00:58:27,869
[CRUNCHING AND GASPS]
1035
00:58:27,902 --> 00:58:30,739
MONK:
My fucking nuts! Oh!
1036
00:58:30,772 --> 00:58:32,674
ANNOUNCER:
So much for his vow of silence.
1037
00:58:34,009 --> 00:58:36,813
I'm so sorry,
Brother Monk. Am I forgiven?
1038
00:58:37,346 --> 00:58:41,217
You are an asshole.
1039
00:58:42,250 --> 00:58:45,621
[RETCHING]
1040
00:58:48,723 --> 00:58:52,827
Whooh. Hey man, well at
least you've got tomorrow off.
1041
00:58:52,860 --> 00:58:54,429
It'll give you a
little time to recuperate.
1042
00:58:54,462 --> 00:58:56,865
Yeah, yeah. Maybe.
1043
00:58:57,833 --> 00:58:59,935
I gotta say man,
1044
00:58:59,967 --> 00:59:03,205
you've been good at
taking crap from the guys,
1045
00:59:03,237 --> 00:59:05,875
especially for a guy who
walks around with a stick
1046
00:59:05,907 --> 00:59:08,344
up his ass. I mean it's a little
stick, but you gotta stick
1047
00:59:08,377 --> 00:59:10,380
up your ass.
1048
00:59:10,779 --> 00:59:13,348
I'm just messing with you man.
You alright.
1049
00:59:13,382 --> 00:59:18,220
Thank you. You know
to show my appreciation to you
1050
00:59:18,252 --> 00:59:22,257
guys, I'd love to
cook you all dinner.
1051
00:59:22,857 --> 00:59:24,826
Get
the fuck out of here. You cook?
1052
00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:27,897
Yeah, no,
well. I'm a good cook. I make a
1053
00:59:27,929 --> 00:59:32,067
mean steak. Some
would say it's the balls.
1054
00:59:32,868 --> 00:59:38,074
Um, alright. Hey, I'm always
down for a good meal. Alright?
1055
00:59:38,273 --> 00:59:39,074
Ok.
1056
00:59:39,107 --> 00:59:41,109
My man.
Alright, I'll see you then.
1057
00:59:41,143 --> 00:59:43,780
See you. See you then.
1058
00:59:45,947 --> 00:59:47,882
See you then.
1059
00:59:47,915 --> 00:59:49,184
Mmmm.
1060
00:59:50,451 --> 00:59:53,822
Alright, huh, guys, you see?
1061
00:59:53,855 --> 00:59:56,725
I gotta say bro,
you are not lying.
1062
00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:59,161
This steak is off the chain.
1063
00:59:59,694 --> 01:00:02,030
This actually might
be the first time Nick
1064
01:00:02,063 --> 01:00:03,899
stays awake
for the entire dinner.
1065
01:00:05,134 --> 01:00:07,969
No, he didn't.
1066
01:00:08,002 --> 01:00:11,106
Here guys, let me top you off
with some of Napa Valley's
1067
01:00:11,139 --> 01:00:12,842
finest Penis Noir.
1068
01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:14,476
Pinot Noir.
1069
01:00:14,509 --> 01:00:15,877
Pinot Noir.
1070
01:00:18,313 --> 01:00:19,849
Yo, you got more?
1071
01:00:19,882 --> 01:00:22,018
Oh, yeah. Of course.
1072
01:00:25,119 --> 01:00:27,889
Whoa, how
did that get in there?
1073
01:00:30,793 --> 01:00:32,361
I love to
cook for my friends.
1074
01:00:32,927 --> 01:00:35,764
Yo, you gotta tell me
what you put on this, man.
1075
01:00:35,797 --> 01:00:36,998
It's delicious.
1076
01:00:37,031 --> 01:00:39,367
Yeah, sure,
sure, sure. I start with a
1077
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:42,837
little dry rub,
a little aged dry rub and
1078
01:00:42,871 --> 01:00:46,142
just a sprinkle of
1079
01:00:46,174 --> 01:00:48,243
Fromunda cheese
before I slap it on the grill.
1080
01:00:48,277 --> 01:00:50,279
Mmm! My mom
used to make Fromunda.
1081
01:00:50,311 --> 01:00:51,781
Wow.
1082
01:00:51,813 --> 01:00:53,882
What kind of cheese?
1083
01:00:53,915 --> 01:00:58,853
It's Fromunda cheese. Fromunda
cheese. Fromunda cheese.
1084
01:00:58,886 --> 01:01:01,990
Fromunda my balls. Yeah! Yeah!
1085
01:01:02,023 --> 01:01:06,060
[MEN ALL WRETCH AND GAG]
1086
01:01:06,094 --> 01:01:07,396
Oh my God!
1087
01:01:07,429 --> 01:01:09,131
You guys
just ate my balls. That's what
1088
01:01:09,163 --> 01:01:10,398
you get for all those pranks!
1089
01:01:10,431 --> 01:01:11,299
You mean to
tell me I'll kill you!
1090
01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:13,836
I'll see you
tomorrow, teammates! Yeah!
1091
01:01:13,868 --> 01:01:16,371
Get his ass! Get his ass!
1092
01:01:18,507 --> 01:01:22,512
[CAR STARTS AND PEELS OUT]
1093
01:01:28,217 --> 01:01:30,386
That is exquisite.
1094
01:01:30,953 --> 01:01:33,455
Mr. Smegman, when are you
going to get me out of this hell
1095
01:01:33,487 --> 01:01:36,157
hole and back in the
championship in game 7?
1096
01:01:36,190 --> 01:01:37,993
Really?
1097
01:01:38,025 --> 01:01:41,029
Well let's review your
accomplishments so far, genius.
1098
01:01:41,063 --> 01:01:43,833
Number 1: You caused Weinergate
1099
01:01:43,866 --> 01:01:47,503
to go viral. Number 2: You
completely trashed a hotel room.
1100
01:01:47,536 --> 01:01:52,007
Number 3: And I hope you're
proud of this, you made an adult
1101
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:55,844
baby cry. Number 4: You killed
1102
01:01:55,877 --> 01:01:57,979
a priceless parrot. And my
1103
01:01:58,013 --> 01:02:00,482
favorite, number 5: You gave a
1104
01:02:00,514 --> 01:02:04,453
monk an unwanted
an unnecessary vasectomy.
1105
01:02:04,485 --> 01:02:06,922
40 years, Mr. Smegman.
1106
01:02:06,955 --> 01:02:08,958
40 years of what?
1107
01:02:08,991 --> 01:02:13,494
Since the Sacramento Royals have
won a WBL Championship.
1108
01:02:13,527 --> 01:02:16,297
Now look,
I know you hate me, but
1109
01:02:16,331 --> 01:02:19,001
this league needs me, ok?
1110
01:02:19,034 --> 01:02:22,905
My team needs me. With my
underdog story, these ratings
1111
01:02:22,938 --> 01:02:25,374
will be huge. You gotta
get me back to the championship.
1112
01:02:25,406 --> 01:02:27,909
You gotta get me to Game 7.
1113
01:02:27,942 --> 01:02:31,112
You know
kid, there's an old saying, if
1114
01:02:31,145 --> 01:02:34,382
you keep saying that everybody
is an asshole then maybe the
1115
01:02:34,415 --> 01:02:36,517
asshole is you.
1116
01:02:36,551 --> 01:02:38,587
You love your quotes don't you?
1117
01:02:38,619 --> 01:02:41,422
No, I
just love fortune cookies. I am
1118
01:02:41,456 --> 01:02:46,161
giving you one more chance,
pretty boy. Don't fuck it up.
1119
01:02:46,194 --> 01:02:48,464
You won't be sorry.
1120
01:02:48,496 --> 01:02:53,502
[HIP HOP INSTRUMENTALS]
1121
01:03:15,190 --> 01:03:18,194
Damn Jenny, that is good.
1122
01:03:20,328 --> 01:03:22,931
Sacramento's buzzing
with excitement for game 7.
1123
01:03:22,964 --> 01:03:24,232
The Royals are
anxiously awaiting word
1124
01:03:24,266 --> 01:03:25,567
if Rich will
be eligible to play.
1125
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,502
We're gonna have
so much fun, man. Hey
1126
01:03:27,536 --> 01:03:29,972
Rich, I want you to meet Stan.
1127
01:03:30,005 --> 01:03:33,309
He is the President of the TSA.
He's in charge of getting you to
1128
01:03:33,342 --> 01:03:35,644
the airport after the game. You
know he's got a friend who works
1129
01:03:35,677 --> 01:03:36,679
at airport security.
1130
01:03:36,712 --> 01:03:38,013
Oh, what do you say?
1131
01:03:38,045 --> 01:03:39,047
Stan the man.
1132
01:03:39,081 --> 01:03:41,417
Oh, huge fan, man. Huge fan.
1133
01:03:41,717 --> 01:03:45,487
Fuck! Fuck!
Cocksucker! Motherfucker!
1134
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:46,655
I'm so sorry, I thought that you
1135
01:03:46,688 --> 01:03:48,057
just said that
you were a huge fan.
1136
01:03:48,089 --> 01:03:51,693
Oh yeah,
I am a huge fan. Tittyficker!
1137
01:03:51,726 --> 01:03:54,562
Tittyfuck! Limp
dick motherfucker!
1138
01:03:54,929 --> 01:03:57,699
TSA PLAYER 1:
Fuck! Fucking shit!
1139
01:03:58,333 --> 01:04:02,371
Ok, I think I
get it now. TSA stands for
1140
01:04:02,404 --> 01:04:06,208
Jizz weasel motherfuckin'
shitballs! Whoohooo!
1141
01:04:06,241 --> 01:04:08,945
Ok, let's get out there and
raise some money for the TSA.
1142
01:04:10,177 --> 01:04:11,647
Get me through
the airport security so I can
1143
01:04:11,679 --> 01:04:12,982
make it to CostumeCon.
1144
01:04:13,014 --> 01:04:15,150
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
1145
01:04:15,183 --> 01:04:19,722
You ever see a fatty who
could fly? Gookaw! Gookaw!
1146
01:04:21,022 --> 01:04:24,359
[CROWD CHEERING]
1147
01:04:26,761 --> 01:04:29,297
TSA PLAYER 2:
Military Mic Mac motherfucker!
1148
01:04:29,331 --> 01:04:30,666
[THUD]
1149
01:05:03,464 --> 01:05:05,400
[HORN BLOWS]
1150
01:05:05,433 --> 01:05:09,071
[CROWD CHEERS]
1151
01:05:35,464 --> 01:05:39,634
[CROWD CHEERS]
1152
01:05:44,339 --> 01:05:46,074
[THUD AND GASPS]
1153
01:05:46,107 --> 01:05:48,443
FEMALE FAN:
Ass hat! Skittles!
1154
01:05:48,476 --> 01:05:53,114
Daisy! Dick weed!
Rich Johnson sucks the big one!
1155
01:05:53,147 --> 01:05:56,084
Ok look, I understand that
you suffer from Tourette's
1156
01:05:56,118 --> 01:05:59,487
Syndrome and you can't control
yourself but really just try and
1157
01:05:59,520 --> 01:06:00,656
take it down a notch.
1158
01:06:00,688 --> 01:06:02,523
I don't have
Tourette's Syndrome.
1159
01:06:02,556 --> 01:06:04,560
I just think you're a big dick!
1160
01:06:05,127 --> 01:06:07,529
You thought
we had Tourette's?
1161
01:06:07,830 --> 01:06:08,764
You don't?
1162
01:06:08,797 --> 01:06:12,568
Hey Rich, TSA stands
for Therapeutic Swearers
1163
01:06:12,601 --> 01:06:16,171
Association. You know,
Tourette's is a neuropsychiatric
1164
01:06:16,203 --> 01:06:19,874
disorder that 100,000 Americans
deal with all the time. Now
1165
01:06:19,907 --> 01:06:22,143
these guys, they
just do this to relieve stress.
1166
01:06:22,877 --> 01:06:25,179
Ain't that a motherfucker?
1167
01:06:25,212 --> 01:06:27,382
Now you're
officially a member.
1168
01:06:30,252 --> 01:06:34,322
Mr. Johnson, I'm
gonna need that back.
1169
01:06:34,355 --> 01:06:37,092
Big black's my old reliable.
1170
01:06:38,527 --> 01:06:41,664
[CROWD MURMURS AND GROANS]
1171
01:06:42,931 --> 01:06:46,268
Sorry everyone. Sorry.
1172
01:07:07,221 --> 01:07:11,127
[GULPING SOUNDS]
1173
01:07:17,364 --> 01:07:19,234
[SLAPS AND WHISTLE]
1174
01:07:20,368 --> 01:07:21,436
What the fuck you
1175
01:07:21,469 --> 01:07:23,304
talking about you Mr.
Magoo looking motherfucker?
1176
01:07:23,337 --> 01:07:24,572
REFEREE:
Foul on 69!
1177
01:07:24,605 --> 01:07:27,243
It's ok. Come on. Come on. It's
alright. It's alright. Come on.
1178
01:07:35,583 --> 01:07:38,654
Hey Rich, I heard your wife's
hole is bigger. Good luck
1179
01:07:38,686 --> 01:07:42,757
nailing it, fuck face. Air ball!
1180
01:07:43,324 --> 01:07:46,828
Good luck you shit-head.
You fucking piece of shit!
1181
01:07:46,860 --> 01:07:49,630
Shut up. Hey!
1182
01:07:49,663 --> 01:07:50,631
Shut up!
1183
01:07:50,665 --> 01:07:51,766
Shit taco!
1184
01:07:51,799 --> 01:07:53,801
Yo, asshole! Good luck!
1185
01:07:53,835 --> 01:07:55,704
Fucking
cocksucker! Motherfucker!
1186
01:07:55,737 --> 01:07:59,474
You limp dick titty fucker
cumdumpster! Fuck you. Fuck you,
1187
01:07:59,507 --> 01:08:01,877
you shit-stain piece of shit
nipple clamp motherfucker!
1188
01:08:01,909 --> 01:08:04,679
Shut up! Time!
1189
01:08:06,714 --> 01:08:08,516
That's crazy. I don't see how
1190
01:08:08,549 --> 01:08:11,519
this is so therapeutic. These
people are totally insane.
1191
01:08:11,552 --> 01:08:12,788
They're just
cussing all the time.
1192
01:08:12,821 --> 01:08:13,855
Ah man, just take it easy man.
1193
01:08:13,888 --> 01:08:16,657
Drink up. You'll feel better.
1194
01:08:16,691 --> 01:08:17,559
Thank you.
1195
01:08:17,592 --> 01:08:19,761
Yeah, yeah.
You got it, man. Go ahead.
1196
01:08:19,794 --> 01:08:21,864
Don't make it hard
on yourself out there.
1197
01:08:29,504 --> 01:08:32,808
[CARTOON SOUNDS AND DING]
1198
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:35,776
[LAUGHTER]
1199
01:08:35,810 --> 01:08:37,812
Boner!
1200
01:08:44,552 --> 01:08:47,755
That's for the
steak dinner, jackass!
1201
01:08:53,727 --> 01:08:56,397
What'd you,
do feel a breeze?
1202
01:08:58,633 --> 01:09:00,369
Alright.
Roseanne Bar naked.
1203
01:09:00,401 --> 01:09:02,703
Donald and
Melania Trump doggy style.
1204
01:09:02,736 --> 01:09:05,339
No! It's not going away.
I'm gonna miss my flight!
1205
01:09:05,373 --> 01:09:08,777
Roseanne Bar
naked. Betty White spread eagle.
1206
01:09:08,810 --> 01:09:11,513
It's not working.
I'm gonna miss my flight!
1207
01:09:11,545 --> 01:09:14,782
Down, boy. Just
get away. Down, down.
1208
01:09:14,816 --> 01:09:16,018
No! It's not working!
1209
01:09:16,752 --> 01:09:20,722
Burnt popcorn. Wilfred Brimley.
That old guy that says diabetes.
1210
01:09:20,754 --> 01:09:22,923
No! It's not working!
1211
01:09:22,956 --> 01:09:25,459
Ok, think of my
mom. No, no, no. Think of your
1212
01:09:25,493 --> 01:09:27,562
mom. Think of your mom. Not my
mom. Stop thinking about my mom.
1213
01:09:27,594 --> 01:09:28,829
No! It's not working!
1214
01:09:28,862 --> 01:09:33,668
Some hairy ass titties. Think
of eating Mr. T's ass, like arg!
1215
01:09:33,701 --> 01:09:35,736
Get that shit
out of here, man.
1216
01:09:35,770 --> 01:09:38,040
Hard. Think about it harder.
You're not thinking about it enough.
1217
01:09:38,072 --> 01:09:40,042
Ok, wait, wait, wait,
wait. Ok, I got it.
1218
01:09:40,075 --> 01:09:41,443
I'm gonna miss my flight.
1219
01:09:41,476 --> 01:09:43,078
I've got it.
This is an emergency.
1220
01:09:43,111 --> 01:09:46,982
Ah, ah, put
it away. Put it away!
1221
01:09:47,014 --> 01:09:48,850
Back up. Back up.
1222
01:09:48,883 --> 01:09:49,851
Do it.
1223
01:09:49,883 --> 01:09:51,386
Voila!
1224
01:09:51,419 --> 01:09:52,821
[SCREAMS]
1225
01:09:55,423 --> 01:09:57,760
If
that don't do it, nothing will.
1226
01:09:58,927 --> 01:10:01,362
It's getting bigger!
1227
01:10:03,431 --> 01:10:06,868
Oh man,
we're not gonna make it.
1228
01:10:06,901 --> 01:10:08,670
Don't worry.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
1229
01:10:08,703 --> 01:10:10,638
My friend is gonna get you
through, ok?
1230
01:10:11,138 --> 01:10:13,308
ALEX: Thank you.
Have a good flight.
1231
01:10:15,142 --> 01:10:17,945
This is Alex. He's gonna
get us through security.
1232
01:10:17,978 --> 01:10:20,981
Big dick!
Shit. Shit. Shit stain, shiatsu.
1233
01:10:21,014 --> 01:10:23,584
Hey, come on. It's really no
time for that, ok? Just chill.
1234
01:10:23,618 --> 01:10:25,020
You know what, my bad. I
should have mentioned.
1235
01:10:25,053 --> 01:10:26,121
He actually does have
Tourette's.
1236
01:10:26,154 --> 01:10:30,525
Boner! Boner! Boner! Boner!
Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!
1237
01:10:30,557 --> 01:10:32,093
Hey, don't say that word. Don't
say that. Whoa, Guys
1238
01:10:32,127 --> 01:10:33,328
no, I've gotta catch my flight!
1239
01:10:33,361 --> 01:10:37,632
I'm gonna miss my daughter's
CostumeCon! Guys, he said boner!
1240
01:10:37,664 --> 01:10:39,500
It's not a bomb it's a boner!
1241
01:10:39,534 --> 01:10:42,670
[HELICOPTER SOUND]
1242
01:10:42,704 --> 01:10:45,674
[DRAMATIC INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC]
1243
01:11:32,954 --> 01:11:37,558
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1244
01:11:49,736 --> 01:11:53,741
[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]
1245
01:12:06,754 --> 01:12:09,658
Thank you.
1246
01:12:10,124 --> 01:12:12,527
[PHONE NOTIFICATION]
1247
01:12:18,866 --> 01:12:20,668
Yo, taxi!
1248
01:12:24,239 --> 01:12:27,976
[RANDOM CROWD NOISE]
1249
01:12:28,008 --> 01:12:30,078
RANDOM PATRON:
Boner boy!
1250
01:12:30,111 --> 01:12:33,114
[CROWD CHEERS]
1251
01:12:33,146 --> 01:12:37,585
Hey, hey.
Surprise! Surprise!
1252
01:12:40,053 --> 01:12:44,959
Uh, this my brother is
your going away party.
1253
01:12:44,993 --> 01:12:47,928
But, unfortunately, it looks
like Smegman is gonna enforce
1254
01:12:47,962 --> 01:12:49,763
your permanent
suspension from the WBL.
1255
01:12:49,797 --> 01:12:51,500
Yeah, well
that doesn't surprise me.
1256
01:12:51,532 --> 01:12:55,035
Yeah so we
figured yo, let's have some fun.
1257
01:12:55,069 --> 01:12:58,106
Let's let it hang on out. So we
got some hookers in the back for
1258
01:12:58,138 --> 01:13:01,176
you. Ok? Just giving you shit
1259
01:13:01,209 --> 01:13:03,745
man, listen everybody. Please,
1260
01:13:03,777 --> 01:13:06,714
raise your glasses for my
brother from another mother,
1261
01:13:06,748 --> 01:13:11,620
pretty Richie.
Yeah, right on. L'Chaim.
1262
01:13:15,557 --> 01:13:19,060
Yeah man. You know man,
1263
01:13:19,093 --> 01:13:21,129
you're a lot like me.
1264
01:13:21,161 --> 01:13:22,864
Tall, dark and handsome?
1265
01:13:22,896 --> 01:13:24,231
Ah, you wish. You wish.
1266
01:13:24,264 --> 01:13:28,637
No man um, you know like you I
1267
01:13:28,669 --> 01:13:30,070
put a lot of work in this game
1268
01:13:30,103 --> 01:13:32,039
man. Thinking that every win is
1269
01:13:32,072 --> 01:13:34,241
gonna count and every
championship is gonna count and
1270
01:13:34,275 --> 01:13:35,944
people are gonna love me. You
1271
01:13:35,977 --> 01:13:39,114
know, I thought I was gonna have
family there forever. But I came
1272
01:13:39,146 --> 01:13:43,117
back for good and man I realized
1273
01:13:43,151 --> 01:13:47,255
shit, I don't know my wife
anymore. You know? My kids they
1274
01:13:47,288 --> 01:13:51,293
grew up without me. I don't
wanna get sentimental and all
1275
01:13:51,325 --> 01:13:53,227
that but don't end up like me.
1276
01:13:53,261 --> 01:13:55,830
Alright, you still got a chance
to make it right with your
1277
01:13:55,862 --> 01:13:59,301
family. Alright? Alright.
Do the right thing, baby.
1278
01:14:02,770 --> 01:14:05,139
I'm so sorry
I was so hard on you.
1279
01:14:05,173 --> 01:14:07,976
Mobile. That's ok.
1280
01:14:08,008 --> 01:14:12,746
You're gonna be my dick
all the time alright, man? I'm
1281
01:14:12,780 --> 01:14:13,915
actually gonna miss you bro.
1282
01:14:13,947 --> 01:14:15,049
I'm gonna miss you too.
1283
01:14:15,083 --> 01:14:17,118
Got any last requests?
1284
01:14:17,151 --> 01:14:20,722
Last requests? Hm.
1285
01:14:20,754 --> 01:14:22,757
From Ballz, any last requests?
1286
01:14:22,789 --> 01:14:25,726
Narcoleptic Nick? Yeah actually,
1287
01:14:25,759 --> 01:14:30,364
last request is, I want to know
how Mattress Mike got his name.
1288
01:14:30,397 --> 01:14:33,834
[TEAM CHEERS]
1289
01:14:37,137 --> 01:14:41,642
Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok,
ok, ok. This happened like 2
1290
01:14:41,676 --> 01:14:43,678
years ago? Like
1291
01:14:43,710 --> 01:14:46,748
in Lubbock, Texas. Mike wasn't
1292
01:14:46,780 --> 01:14:48,682
answering his phone.
1293
01:14:48,715 --> 01:14:50,884
And he's late for the game.
1294
01:14:50,918 --> 01:14:55,089
So me, Ballz and Cari go to his
room.
1295
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:00,963
[CRIES IN DISGUST]
1296
01:15:03,097 --> 01:15:06,101
It's not what
1297
01:15:06,133 --> 01:15:10,338
it appears.
1298
01:15:12,673 --> 01:15:16,677
[GROANS]
1299
01:15:16,710 --> 01:15:18,914
[LAUGHTER]
1300
01:15:19,813 --> 01:15:21,749
Motor? Motor oil?
1301
01:15:21,782 --> 01:15:24,052
And that's why they
call him Mattress Mike!
1302
01:15:24,084 --> 01:15:25,319
Motor oil?
1303
01:15:25,352 --> 01:15:27,722
For maximum viscosity.
1304
01:15:29,190 --> 01:15:33,728
He's nasty, man.
Dick in mattress.
1305
01:15:36,364 --> 01:15:39,067
Oh shit, what is that?
1306
01:15:42,370 --> 01:15:45,240
♪ Well that's alright, mama ♪
1307
01:15:46,406 --> 01:15:48,308
♪ That's alright with me ♪
1308
01:15:48,342 --> 01:15:51,045
♪ That's alright mama ♪
1309
01:15:51,079 --> 01:15:53,682
LUMBERJACK: Worst Elvis
impersonator ever.
1310
01:15:53,714 --> 01:15:58,085
♪ That's alright. That's
alright. That's alright ♪
1311
01:15:58,119 --> 01:15:59,954
Dude,
shut the fuck up. You sound like
1312
01:15:59,986 --> 01:16:01,187
2 mutes having sex.
1313
01:16:01,222 --> 01:16:04,759
Hey you fucking shut up you
motherfucking piece of shit! You
1314
01:16:04,792 --> 01:16:07,696
fuck! I'll suck your cock! I'll
suck your cock so good! You
1315
01:16:07,728 --> 01:16:10,865
fucking piece of shit! You
twat gobbling ass fister!
1316
01:16:15,136 --> 01:16:16,905
Now I'm gonna fist
fuck your mouth, boy.
1317
01:16:16,937 --> 01:16:19,173
Hey, don't be cruel, baby.
1318
01:16:19,206 --> 01:16:20,874
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa,
1319
01:16:20,907 --> 01:16:23,745
whoa, whoa. No one no one talks
that kind of shit to one of our
1320
01:16:23,777 --> 01:16:28,083
friends, especially a
half ass looking Paul Bunyan.
1321
01:16:28,749 --> 01:16:32,286
What the fuck are
you going to do about it? Ain't
1322
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:35,123
you Rich Johnson? You
used to actually be somebody.
1323
01:16:35,155 --> 01:16:37,725
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
hey you fake ass lumberjack.
1324
01:16:37,758 --> 01:16:39,426
Rich Johnson still is somebody.
1325
01:16:39,459 --> 01:16:42,062
Aw, this is cute.
This is real cute.
1326
01:16:42,096 --> 01:16:44,433
I got some
boys too. Hey boys!
1327
01:16:48,302 --> 01:16:51,406
RICH:
You gotta be kidding me.
1328
01:16:54,508 --> 01:16:57,311
You guys
want to dance? Let's dance.
1329
01:16:57,344 --> 01:16:59,246
[DING, DING BOXING BELL]
1330
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:02,016
What are you waiting for?
1331
01:17:02,048 --> 01:17:04,319
You can't play no ball and
you're a bunch of pussies!
1332
01:17:04,352 --> 01:17:05,386
[BREAKING GLASS]
1333
01:17:05,419 --> 01:17:07,522
[MASSIVE BRAWL SOUNDS]
1334
01:17:07,554 --> 01:17:12,761
[GANGSTER RAP]
1335
01:17:12,960 --> 01:17:15,763
I wouldn't mind
pretending to be walked over.
1336
01:17:15,797 --> 01:17:19,134
I'm gonna get your nuggets!
I'm gonna get your nuggets!
1337
01:17:19,167 --> 01:17:20,901
Cockadoodledoo, mother
1338
01:17:24,472 --> 01:17:27,876
I want to take
life step by step.
1339
01:17:32,079 --> 01:17:33,749
My turn, ball sack.
1340
01:17:35,816 --> 01:17:38,285
Meet the podiatrist!
1341
01:17:38,319 --> 01:17:40,922
Bacon time!
1342
01:17:43,290 --> 01:17:47,328
What is your purpose? What is
your purpose? You a grown ass
1343
01:17:47,361 --> 01:17:48,997
man in a polar bear suit?
1344
01:17:49,030 --> 01:17:51,065
[CROWD CHEERS]
1345
01:17:51,097 --> 01:17:53,834
Yes! We're number 1!
1346
01:17:53,868 --> 01:17:58,139
Yeah! Whooh!
1347
01:17:58,973 --> 01:18:02,476
You know, I
mean, amongst other things,
1348
01:18:02,509 --> 01:18:04,545
I don't know why she
wasn't feeling me. I mean
1349
01:18:04,579 --> 01:18:05,947
Yeah, right.
1350
01:18:11,218 --> 01:18:15,088
Skinny girls
overrated. Bigbootygirls.com
1351
01:18:15,121 --> 01:18:19,194
Oh, hey. I'm
sorry about game 7, you know?
1352
01:18:19,227 --> 01:18:20,462
It's just a game.
1353
01:18:20,495 --> 01:18:25,200
Yeah, I guess. But it is a game
that I will never play again.
1354
01:18:25,232 --> 01:18:27,000
Look, just
cause you don't play for the
1355
01:18:27,034 --> 01:18:29,170
Royals don't mean you
can't still play basketball.
1356
01:18:29,203 --> 01:18:31,371
Hey, I
was just trying to help.
1357
01:18:31,405 --> 01:18:35,375
Cari, I love
those pants on you.
1358
01:18:35,409 --> 01:18:39,580
Thanks for noticing. Ever
since I stopped wearing
1359
01:18:39,614 --> 01:18:43,317
underwear, it made all the
difference. No panty line, you
1360
01:18:43,351 --> 01:18:46,554
know? Hey fellas, I'll have this
started in a minute. I'm gonna
1361
01:18:46,587 --> 01:18:48,923
do a little hand job
on it right quick. Ok?
1362
01:18:48,955 --> 01:18:51,959
Aw man, that's nasty and wrong.
1363
01:18:51,993 --> 01:18:54,428
[RETCHING SOUNDS]
1364
01:19:17,384 --> 01:19:20,588
[LIGHT PIANO]
1365
01:19:20,620 --> 01:19:25,426
Hey kid. You like cookies?
1366
01:19:25,459 --> 01:19:28,096
KID: Stranger danger!
Stranger danger!
1367
01:19:28,129 --> 01:19:29,964
Easy, alright? I'm here to help.
1368
01:19:29,996 --> 01:19:32,167
How can you help me?
1369
01:19:42,410 --> 01:19:45,179
My old man made me take like
1370
01:19:45,212 --> 01:19:49,551
3,000 shots in the pouring rain.
1371
01:19:50,285 --> 01:19:53,354
Well I didn't
have anybody to help me.
1372
01:19:53,387 --> 01:19:57,692
Well you do
now. Come on, let's see it.
1373
01:19:57,725 --> 01:19:59,895
Cookies in the cookie jar, yes!
1374
01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:08,402
Hey, fellas. Over there.
1375
01:20:08,436 --> 01:20:10,505
What up, Ballz?
1376
01:20:13,708 --> 01:20:16,044
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no,
1377
01:20:16,076 --> 01:20:20,714
no, no, whooh! Yes. Ok, come on.
1378
01:20:20,748 --> 01:20:25,020
Ready? Here we go. Yeah. I'm on
you. I'm on you. What you got?
1379
01:20:26,120 --> 01:20:29,724
I'm glad he
didn't swat that shit.
1380
01:20:29,757 --> 01:20:31,493
He shoots better than Mike.
1381
01:20:41,002 --> 01:20:43,103
I want you to
check something out.
1382
01:20:43,137 --> 01:20:44,706
What if that's his kid?
1383
01:20:46,106 --> 01:20:49,343
He's coming
down the lane. He's driving.
1384
01:20:49,377 --> 01:20:54,382
Ooh yeah! Two points.
That's what I'm talking about.
1385
01:20:54,914 --> 01:20:57,118
What do you
say, Smegman? Come on, man.
1386
01:20:57,151 --> 01:21:00,155
Too little too late.
1387
01:21:01,388 --> 01:21:03,190
[HORN HONKS TWICE]
1388
01:21:03,223 --> 01:21:07,061
Ah man, I gotta get going,
but you keep practicing, ok?
1389
01:21:15,302 --> 01:21:19,773
Uh, here. For you.
1390
01:21:19,807 --> 01:21:21,309
Thanks.
1391
01:21:21,342 --> 01:21:23,411
Keep practicing, ok?
1392
01:21:26,379 --> 01:21:28,181
[HORN BLOWS]
1393
01:21:28,214 --> 01:21:31,151
JOE RILEY: We are live.
Courtside at the World Basketball League
1394
01:21:31,185 --> 01:21:34,554
Championship Game 7, which is
moments away, and we have just
1395
01:21:34,588 --> 01:21:39,259
been handed the news. The WBL
has suspended Rich Johnson
1396
01:21:39,293 --> 01:21:43,330
permanently and
deservedly so, I might add.
1397
01:21:44,030 --> 01:21:46,066
You know what?
Screw you, Joe.
1398
01:21:46,534 --> 01:21:48,636
Go fuck yourself with that suit.
1399
01:21:48,669 --> 01:21:50,638
Go ahead, finish your
monkey show. Go ahead.
1400
01:21:50,670 --> 01:21:53,540
Apparently the
apple apparently
1401
01:21:53,574 --> 01:21:55,643
the apple doesn't
fall too far from the tree.
1402
01:21:57,511 --> 01:21:59,513
Mom? Grandpa?
Can we go home?
1403
01:22:00,481 --> 01:22:01,715
Yeah, we can go home.
1404
01:22:01,749 --> 01:22:03,684
Yeah, we can go. Get your stuff.
1405
01:22:03,717 --> 01:22:05,052
Get your phone.
1406
01:22:05,084 --> 01:22:08,789
ANNOUNCER: Wait a minute,
ladies and gentleman. We seem to have a
1407
01:22:08,822 --> 01:22:13,194
special guest descending from
the ceiling. It's a bird. It's a
1408
01:22:13,227 --> 01:22:16,297
plane. It's Rich Johnson man!
1409
01:22:17,197 --> 01:22:18,499
Jenny, it's me!
1410
01:22:20,234 --> 01:22:24,739
Daddy! Mom, it's really him.
He's wearing Rich Johnson man!
1411
01:22:29,142 --> 01:22:33,447
[CABLES CREAKING]
1412
01:22:41,554 --> 01:22:43,825
No, no, no. Don't. Just
wait. Someone get him down.
1413
01:22:46,259 --> 01:22:47,494
No, no, no, no, no, no!
1414
01:22:47,527 --> 01:22:49,297
[FABRIC RIPPING SOUND EFFECT]
1415
01:22:49,329 --> 01:22:50,764
Yep, I'm naked.
1416
01:22:55,436 --> 01:22:57,072
FAN:
That's why you manscape.
1417
01:23:07,414 --> 01:23:12,386
Sorry, sorry. Hey, hey mom. How
1418
01:23:12,419 --> 01:23:16,791
are you?
Jenna May. Mildred, hey.
1419
01:23:20,761 --> 01:23:25,633
Aw, impressive? You're a chip
off the old Johnson. Good job.
1420
01:23:25,665 --> 01:23:27,368
[CAMERA SHUTTERS]
1421
01:23:27,401 --> 01:23:29,737
Daddy, I knew you'd make it.
1422
01:23:29,770 --> 01:23:30,603
Thank you.
1423
01:23:30,637 --> 01:23:32,472
I just wish your
underwear had made it.
1424
01:23:32,505 --> 01:23:36,643
Guys, I'm so sorry
I missed CostumeCon.
1425
01:23:36,677 --> 01:23:38,379
I'm so sorry for
1426
01:23:38,411 --> 01:23:40,847
everything. I'm really gonna try
and be a better father. Come
1427
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:43,484
here. Love you guys.
1428
01:23:43,517 --> 01:23:48,289
What
is it, baby? What's going on?
1429
01:23:48,955 --> 01:23:52,759
Nothing. I think you're
about to go viral again.
1430
01:23:52,793 --> 01:23:55,396
[CAMERA SHUTTER]
1431
01:23:56,029 --> 01:23:59,299
[HIP HOP MUSIC FADING IN]
1432
01:23:59,333 --> 01:24:01,569
♪ Come on now. Give
it all you got I mean ♪
1433
01:24:01,602 --> 01:24:03,638
♪ We goin' hot I mean ♪
1434
01:24:03,670 --> 01:24:05,806
♪ Can't see you
rollin' up and do the mean ♪
1435
01:24:05,838 --> 01:24:07,908
♪ Five chicks from
my crew might do me so ♪
1436
01:24:07,941 --> 01:24:10,377
♪ Just get fresher than
you already is I mean ♪
1437
01:24:10,410 --> 01:24:12,746
♪ No pressure, because
it is what it is we got ♪
1438
01:24:12,780 --> 01:24:14,782
♪ Eight bottles of
that bubble goodness so ♪
1439
01:24:14,815 --> 01:24:17,218
♪ Ask once more,
tell her the mere facts ♪
1440
01:24:17,250 --> 01:24:19,419
♪ I came in hot
boys. Player player ♪
1441
01:24:19,453 --> 01:24:21,522
♪ We so fly, get a elevator ♪
1442
01:24:21,554 --> 01:24:23,391
♪ Top floor we
could be right there ♪
1443
01:24:23,423 --> 01:24:25,625
♪ Before we even hitin' party
with the drinks in the air ♪
1444
01:24:25,659 --> 01:24:28,462
♪ I can't. I want to
be selfish. I want it all ♪
1445
01:24:28,495 --> 01:24:30,631
♪ The cop that
take the tuna steak raw ♪
1446
01:24:30,664 --> 01:24:32,465
♪ I don't need a
side chick for the side ♪
1447
01:24:32,499 --> 01:24:34,869
♪ I wanna fly chick
to stare in her eyes ♪
1448
01:24:34,901 --> 01:24:37,404
♪ Pick me up in your ride ♪
1449
01:24:37,437 --> 01:24:39,606
♪ It's going down tonight ♪
1450
01:24:39,639 --> 01:24:41,542
♪ Yeah you got
the shish that I like ♪
1451
01:24:41,575 --> 01:24:43,978
♪ You stealin my
vibe. So damn right ♪
1452
01:24:44,011 --> 01:24:46,313
♪ Let's go some place to chill ♪
1453
01:24:46,347 --> 01:24:48,482
♪ Pulls up and plays for real ♪
1454
01:24:48,514 --> 01:24:50,651
♪ Oh, if you feelin' how I feel ♪
1455
01:24:50,683 --> 01:24:52,786
♪ Then lets go and seal the deal ♪
1456
01:24:52,820 --> 01:24:54,889
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1457
01:24:54,922 --> 01:24:57,258
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1458
01:24:57,290 --> 01:24:59,493
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1459
01:24:59,526 --> 01:25:01,596
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1460
01:25:01,629 --> 01:25:03,831
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1461
01:25:03,864 --> 01:25:06,299
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1462
01:25:06,333 --> 01:25:08,369
♪ Lets go.
Lets go, come on get up ♪
1463
01:25:09,503 --> 01:25:10,804
♪ Lets go ♪
1464
01:25:10,838 --> 01:25:13,340
♪ Mack mode is back
come on rock steady ♪
1465
01:25:13,374 --> 01:25:15,543
♪ Heated up
Mojave to the Serengeti ♪
1466
01:25:15,575 --> 01:25:17,777
♪ Everybody is sweatin' Heading
to Hollywood headed back ♪
1467
01:25:17,811 --> 01:25:19,947
♪ Studyin' is one of my
hobbies watch baby crack ♪
1468
01:25:19,980 --> 01:25:21,715
♪ I mean we could never lose ♪
1469
01:25:21,749 --> 01:25:24,018
♪ See those shoes. See tattoos ♪
1470
01:25:24,051 --> 01:25:26,853
♪ Swipin' jewels to
pick up a girl that's uh ♪
1471
01:25:26,887 --> 01:25:28,822
♪ Takin' your world is so ♪
1472
01:25:28,856 --> 01:25:31,292
♪ Might give 'em what
they wanna throw to be ♪
1473
01:25:31,325 --> 01:25:33,394
♪ Eskimos ice fishin' and yo ♪
1474
01:25:33,427 --> 01:25:35,295
♪ Only ten tonic gin ♪
1475
01:25:35,329 --> 01:25:37,965
♪ Consider your
sin your head gonna spin ♪
1476
01:25:37,998 --> 01:25:39,634
♪ Home girl need
to learn her place ♪
1477
01:25:39,667 --> 01:25:42,335
♪ Wash yo girls face, I mean ♪
1478
01:25:42,369 --> 01:25:44,605
♪ She can get
on my level get tossed up ♪
1479
01:25:44,637 --> 01:25:46,773
♪ Next thing is your choice ♪
1480
01:25:46,807 --> 01:25:48,909
♪ Pick me up in your ride ♪
1481
01:25:48,941 --> 01:25:51,279
♪ It's going down tonight ♪
1482
01:25:51,312 --> 01:25:54,415
♪ Yeah you got
the sh-that I like ♪
1483
01:25:54,447 --> 01:25:55,982
♪ You so damn right ♪
1484
01:25:56,016 --> 01:25:57,918
♪ Lets go some place to chill ♪
1485
01:25:57,950 --> 01:26:00,288
♪ Pulls up and plays for real ♪
1486
01:26:00,320 --> 01:26:02,522
Jerry O'Connell, show the face.
1487
01:26:03,190 --> 01:26:05,726
I want to tell you that your
1488
01:26:05,758 --> 01:26:08,928
professionalism just got in the
way of what could've been a
1489
01:26:08,962 --> 01:26:13,301
great moment. When I flashed my
natural born, black breasts in
1490
01:26:13,334 --> 01:26:16,704
your face, you didn't even break
character or the reaction that I
1491
01:26:16,736 --> 01:26:19,673
was banking on that I would get
today and I'm not sure I want to
1492
01:26:19,706 --> 01:26:22,810
work with you anymore. Do you
know how many motherfuckers want
1493
01:26:22,843 --> 01:26:26,313
me to shake my natural
born, titties in they goddamn
1494
01:26:26,347 --> 01:26:29,650
face? You need to slide into my
DM's and see who the fuck I am.
1495
01:26:29,682 --> 01:26:31,851
But that's ok. It's
called acting. You could've
1496
01:26:31,884 --> 01:26:34,922
act surprised. Cut,
fuck. I'm tired of talking.
1497
01:26:39,560 --> 01:26:43,630
Wow, that's
real shit right there.
1498
01:26:45,055 --> 01:26:46,047
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