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1
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:06,313
MIGUEL:�Newfoundland�finds
itself�in�a�housing�crisis.
2
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,606
All�their�houses�are�on
a�rock�in�the�Atlantic.
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,276
EMMA:�"Dismantle�the�CBC"
supporters�insist�the�only�man
4
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,952
who�can�save�Canada�is�the
the�star�of�Dragon's�Den.
5
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,275
MIGUEL:�And�is�Mel�Gibson's
comeback�Hollywood's�latest
6
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,948
attempt�to�prove�it's
not�run�by�Jews?
7
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,455
(THEME�MUSIC�PLAYING)
8
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,337
Welcome�to�The�Beaverton.
9
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,671
Canada's�least�fact-checked
source�of�news.
10
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,107
I'm�Miguel�Rivas.
11
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:44,182
And�our�researchers�tell�me
I'm�Emma�Hunter,
12
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,610
but�what�do�they�know?
13
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:47,846
Our�top�story,
14
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,347
for�the�first�time�since
taking�office,�Prime�Minister,
15
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:54,023
Justin�Trudeau�finds�himself
trailing�another�politician
16
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,690
in�the�polls.
17
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,532
According�to�a�recent�survey,
nine�out�of�10�Canadians�say
18
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:03,129
their�favorite�public�servant
is�the�New�York�Times�version
19
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,203
of�Justin�Trudeau,
20
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:08,028
citing�his�unwavering
commitment�to�feminism,
21
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,798
the�environment,
and�photo�bombing.
22
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:14,037
The�New�York�Times�Trudeau
is�said�to�be�more�compatible
23
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,544
with�the�Canadian�electorate
24
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,135
than�his�arms-dealing,
pipeline-approving,
25
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,048
regular�bombing�counterpart.
26
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,681
While�a�PMO�spokesperson
dismissed�suggestions
27
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,146
that�the�poll�results
are�cause�for�concern,
28
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,886
the�Prime�Minister�has
unveiled�a�new�attack�ad,
29
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,718
accusing�Times�Trudeau
of�being
30
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,234
an�over-the-top�caricature
of�a�progressive�man,
31
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:38,160
and�demanding�he�stop�giving
the�nation�"ideas."
32
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,569
After�the�success
33
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,200
of�CRTC-mandated
skinny�cable�packages,
34
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:45,406
where�you�get�fewer�channels
for�less�money,
35
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,408
Bell�and�Rogers�are�now
offering�their�customers
36
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,880
a�skinny�Internet�bundle,
37
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:51,538
where�for�a�lower
monthly�cost,�you�can�access
38
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,248
up�to�10�websites.
39
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,579
For�$10.99�a�month,
40
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,184
subscribers�will�be
allowed�access
41
00:01:56,216 --> 00:02:00,016
to�popular�websites
such�as�cbc.ca,�ask.com,
42
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:04,193
and�a�German�Star�Trek
forum�called�duesselworf.de.
43
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,434
Said�one�user
on�his�Google+�page,
44
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,889
"It's�nice�to�save
a�bit�of�money,
45
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,197
"but�I�do�wish�the�closest
thing�to�sports
46
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,200
"wasn't�the�three�French
weather�sites.
47
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:15,442
"Also,�I'm�masturbating
to�the�weirdest�stuff�now."
48
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:18,065
For�elite�clientele
looking�to�pay�a�little�more,
49
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,744
Bell�is�introducing
Platinum�Internet,
50
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:22,412
which�gives�customers
access�to�the�entire�Internet
51
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,912
at�blistering�speeds�Canadians
didn't�know�were�normal
52
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,414
everywhere�else�in�the�world.
53
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,950
For�many,�the�moment
you�become�a�parent
54
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,583
is�the�moment
you�ask�yourself,
55
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,218
"When�can�I�leave�this�child
at�home�alone
56
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,624
"and�get�back
to�my�regular�life?"
57
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:37,793
No,�it's�not.
58
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,964
Miguel's�attitude
is�exactly�the�reason
59
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:41,459
our�society�is�becoming
60
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,301
dangerously�overprotective
of�our�children.
61
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:46,227
Here�to�tell�you�how
to�leave�your�kids�at�home
62
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,796
at�a�reasonable�age
63
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,404
is�child�safety�and�parenting
expert,�Terrence�Vollup.
64
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,737
-Hi,�Terrence.
-Thanks,�Emma.
65
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,312
-(CHUCKLES)
-Children�are�resilient.
66
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,407
They�can�walk�to�school
by�themselves
67
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,482
or�make
a�snack�without�supervision.
68
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,448
But�there's�one�thing�they
can't�deal�with�on�their�own.
69
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,981
Band�saw�or�pressure�cooker?
70
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,587
Nosey�neighbors.
71
00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:08,418
Specifically,�the�ones
that�call�Social�Services
72
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,994
every�time�you�leave�them
alone�for,�like,
73
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,334
two�goddamn�seconds.
74
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:16,326
Thankfully,�there�is
a�great�new�startup
75
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,132
that�can�help�with�that.
Social�Services�Services.
76
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,795
Okay.�What�do�they�do?
77
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,103
They�protect�your�family
from�the�prying�eyes
78
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,636
of�well-meaning�neighbors.
79
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:27,171
Their�basic�package�includes
a�cardboard�cutout
80
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,277
of�you�mounted�onto�a�Roomba
81
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,679
to�pass�open�windows
at�bedtime.
82
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:35,521
It's�like�getting�a�babysitter
and�a�house�cleaner�in�one.
83
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,518
Why�not�just
hire�a�babysitter?
84
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:40,517
Twenty�bucks�an�hour,�plus
Pizza�Pockets�for�15�years.
85
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,693
Trust�me,�this�is�cheaper.
86
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,189
Of�course,
if�you're�interested
87
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,364
in�paying�a�little�more,
88
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,858
the�next�package
includes�a�secret�tunnel
89
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,031
connecting�your�basement
90
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,158
to�the�nearest
major�intersection,
91
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:54,627
so�you�can�leave�the�house
without�Judgy-Face�next�door
92
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,167
waving�down�the�cops
and�ruining�date�night.
93
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,673
Ugh,�communities
are�the�worst.
94
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,536
Um,�but�what�if,�say,
someone�you�know
95
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,552
sees�you�and�your�spouse
out�in�public�without�a�child.
96
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,678
-Won't�that�raise�an�alarm?
-Absolutely.
97
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,045
That's�why�they�also�offer
a�premium�service.
98
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,554
It's�expensive,�but,�hey,�you
can't�really�put�a�price
99
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,217
on�neglecting
your�child,�right?
100
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,556
Hey,�I'm�not�sure�that's...
101
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,660
It�includes
an�emergency�blow-up�child.
102
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:22,232
The�minute�you�see�a�familiar
face,�press�the�button,
103
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,062
and�that�little
whipper-snapper
inflates�faster
104
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,067
than�the�air�bags
in�your�minivan
105
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,739
that�you�left�in�your�driveway
for�the�sake�of�appearances.
106
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,709
So,�Terrence,�what�do�you
suggest�is�the�right�age
107
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,069
to�leave�your�child�at�home
alone�by�themselves?
108
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,738
(CHUCKLES)�How�should�I�know?
109
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:40,206
I'm�not�a�parent.
I'm�a�parenting�expert.
110
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:43,346
Personally,�I�don't�care
for�children.
111
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,193
Look,�the�reality�is
some�parents�are�neglectful.
112
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,089
What�happens�if
Social�Services�Services
113
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,591
goes�into�a�home
114
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,362
and�realizes�there's
a�legitimate�reason�to�contact
115
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:52,761
actual�Social�Services?
116
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,602
In�that�case,�they�gossip
with�your�neighbors,
117
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,428
who�will�take�it�from�there.
118
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,933
We�live�in�an�age
where�parent-shaming
119
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,102
is�the�biggest�threat
120
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,403
to�your�family's�security.
121
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:03,074
Look�at�what�happens
when�a�pregnant�woman
122
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,702
takes�a�sip�of�wine
123
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,367
or�how�fast�someone�smashes
a�window�to�rescue�your�child
124
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,107
from�a�room-temperature�car.
125
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,783
Something�like�that�hits
the�Internet,
126
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,781
and�suddenly
you're�the�next�Octo-Mom.
127
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,783
Wow.�Thanks,�Terrence.
I'm�sure�Miguel�learned�a�lot.
128
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,616
(LAUGHS)
129
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,788
When�we�return,
is�50�the�new�30?
130
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,261
Scientists�say,�"Stop�it.
That's�not�how�time�works."
131
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,588
You�know,�for�me,
30�is�the�new�50.
132
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,811
Coming�up�later...
133
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,439
EMMA:�Donald�Trump�holds�his
weekly�cabinet�meeting�at�the
134
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,084
K�Street�Carl's�Jr.
135
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,276
MIGUEL:�Bombardier�announces
a�new�round�of�layoffs
136
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,911
for�more�workers
than�it�currently�employs.
137
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,217
EMMA:�And�we'll�catch�up
with�Russian�punk�activists
138
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,249
Pussy�Riot,
139
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,724
who've�grown�up,�mellowed�out,
140
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,922
and�now�go�by
Vagina�Disagreement.
141
00:05:55,955 --> 00:05:58,955
A�pregnant�teen�is�thanking
prolife�advocates
142
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:00,961
who�inadvertently�showed�her
the�location
143
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,763
of�an�abortion�clinic
by�protesting�in�front�of�it.
144
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,767
According�to�18-year-old
Alison�Stomeau,
145
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,900
"I�had�no�idea�there�was
a�women's�clinic�there
146
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:13,236
"'til�I�saw�them�chanting
and�walking�in�circles.
147
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,782
"Plus,�when�I�left,�I�was
handed�a�pamphlet�that�said,
148
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:19,078
"over�100,000�women�have
abortions�in�Canada
149
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,152
"every�year.
150
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,979
"Suddenly,�I�didn't�feel
so�alone."
151
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:25,622
Stomeau�plans�to�join
the�prolife�advocates
152
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,091
at�their�next�protest
153
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,960
to�help�educate�other�women
about�clinic�locations.
154
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,830
The�Department�of
Oceans�and�Fisheries
155
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:34,485
has�a�grim�message
for�Canadians.
156
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:35,957
According�to�a�new�report,
157
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:38,155
if�we�continue�to�overfish
at�our�current�rate,
158
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,327
in�just�15�years,
159
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:41,165
we'll�be�forced�to�eat
the�weird�nightmare�fish
160
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,997
that�dwell�at
the�bottom�of�our�oceans.
161
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:46,766
Over�80%�of�aquatic�species
are�at�risk.
162
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,336
Supermarkets�will�soon
run�out�of�salmon�and�tuna,
163
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,605
forcing�them�to�sell
164
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:51,783
horrifying�deep-sea
replacements
165
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:54,181
like�gulper�eels,�dragonfish,
166
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,950
or�please,�God,
not�blood-sucking�lampreys.
167
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,854
The�report�warned�that
other�forms�of�food�production
168
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,116
will�also�become�disgusting
169
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,994
in�the�near�future,
stating�that,
170
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:05,692
"Thanks�to�our�unsustainable
cattle�farming�techniques,
171
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,992
"sirloin�steak�is�only
a�few�decades�away
172
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:11,327
"from�being�replaced
with�tarantula�mignon."
173
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,804
To�Montreal�now,�the�city
that,�like�your�grandmother,
174
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,303
was�probably�swinging
in�the�'60s.
175
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,695
Finally,�Montreal�has
instituted�reforms
176
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,868
to�its�electoral�process
in�order�to�address
177
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,307
the�city's�ongoing�problem
with�corruption.
178
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:25,482
Our�own�Marilla�Wex�reports.
179
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,051
Montreal�is�widely�regarded
180
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,719
as�Canada's
most�corrupt�metropolis,
181
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,549
with�organized�crime
firmly�embedded
182
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,054
in�all�the�cornerstones
of�the�city's�economy.
183
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:38,216
From�construction�sites�all
the�way�to�homeless�shelters.
184
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,227
Years�of�public�inquiries
have�done�little
185
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,386
to�fix�the�problem,
186
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,727
prompting�Montrealers
to�openly�embrace
187
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,700
their�ruling�mob-ocracy
188
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,371
on�one�condition.
189
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,740
Open�elections�for
the�position�of�city�mob�boss.
190
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,567
It�was�an�offer
the�mafia�couldn't�refuse
191
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:56,913
or,�at�the�very�least,
chose�not�to.
192
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,683
On�the�eve�of�the�final
leader's�debate
193
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,251
before�the�election,
194
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,579
candidates�from�each�of
the�city's�three�major�parties
195
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,582
agreed�to�sit�down�with�me,
196
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,424
on�condition�that
we�do�so�publicly
197
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,222
in�front�of�several�witnesses.
198
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:10,564
Hey,�vote�for�me.�I�know
where�your�mother�lives.
199
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:13,090
MARILLA:�Joey�Cerignola,
whose�Italians�are�known
200
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,355
as�Montreal's�natural
governing�mafia,
201
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,564
says�he's�running�on
a�platform�rooted
202
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,767
in�traditional�values.
203
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,069
It's�like�I�always�say,
204
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,401
family�first,
205
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,714
specifically�my�family.
206
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:28,539
MARILLA:�Irish�boss
Bugsy�O'Finnegan
207
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:29,944
grew�up�in�a�neighborhood
208
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:33,276
full�of�pimps,�prostitutes
and�petty�thugs.
209
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:37,282
If�elected,�he�promises
that�your�kids�will�too.
210
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,446
And�Russian�leader,
Yvgeny�Vzlomshchik
211
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:43,615
is�framing�his�campaign
as�a�matter�of�public�health.
212
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,086
(CIGARETTE�BURNING)
213
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,429
It's�just�simple.
You�vote�for�me,
214
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,762
or�I�kill�you.
215
00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:53,274
Right.�Right.
216
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,944
Oh,�you�mean�me.
No,�I'm�not�eligible.
217
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,641
The�race�is�a�virtual�deadlock
218
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,476
with�labor�union�leaders
endorsing
219
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:06,811
all�three�candidates.
220
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,283
In�a�bid�to�pull�ahead,
O'Finnegan�released
221
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,315
an�attack�ad
222
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,149
targeting�Cerignola's
involvement
223
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,154
in�a�devastating
legitimacy�scandal
224
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,486
that�threatened
to�sink�his�campaign.
225
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:19,429
O'FINNEGAN:�Joey�Cerignola
says�his�dairy�concern
226
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:23,328
is�just�a�money�laundering
ring�for�his�criminal�empire.
227
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:26,999
Then�why�did�Farbes�Magazine
name�Cerignola�Farms
228
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:31,173
one�of�Canada's�fastest
growing�companies�of�2016?
229
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:35,470
Joey�Cerignola.
You�just�can�trust�him.
230
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,838
Paid�for�by�the�friend
of�a�friend�of�a�friend.
231
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,177
MARILLA:�The�election
swung�dramatically
232
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,348
after�a�debate�held
in�the�meat�locker
233
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:42,847
of�a�local�butcher�shop.
234
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,952
All�three�would-be
bosses�attended,
235
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,194
plus�a�Green�Party�candidate
who�was�just�happy
236
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:48,449
to�be�invited.
237
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,187
How�does�Mr.�Vzlomshchik
plan�to�provide�his�voters
238
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,493
with�the�publicly�subsidized
hookers�and�blow
239
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,196
he's�promising
without�raising�taxes?
240
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,998
MAN:�Mr.�Vzlomshchik,
your�rebuttal.
241
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,537
MARILLA:�Vzlomshchik's�strong
debate�performance
242
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:04,866
made�it�seem�certain
243
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,971
that�he�would�be�the�first
Russian�leader
244
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,706
ever�to�be
legitimately�elected,
245
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:12,208
but�the�Italians�eked�out
a�stunning�last-second�win
246
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,051
by�securing
the�coveted�dead�vote.
247
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,381
For�his�part,�Cerignola
was�gracious�in�victory.
248
00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:21,017
While�I'm�reluctant�to�accept
the�title�of�mob�boss,
249
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,193
as�I�have�no�idea�what
you're�talking�about,
250
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:24,892
I�am�honored
to�welcome�this�city
251
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,031
into�our�humble
family�business.
252
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:28,659
REPORTER:�One�more�question.
Mr.�Cerignola...
253
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,034
(REPORTERS�CLAMORING)
254
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:31,532
While�Cerignola's
election�means
255
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,504
Montreal�will�remain
the�same�crumbling�shithole
256
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,573
it�already�was,
257
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,068
Montrealers�can�now�feel
a�sense�of�ownership
258
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,714
over�who�runs
this�train�wreck.
259
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,910
And�the�illusion�of�democracy
is�what�Canadian�politics
260
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,243
is�all�about.
261
00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:48,084
Marilla�Wex,�The�Beaverton.
262
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:51,754
Thanks,�Marilla.�Tell�Joey
I�said�hi�to�his�mother.
263
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:55,224
A�feminist�bedding�company
has�designed�a�new�pillow
264
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,924
specifically�for�women
dealing�with�misogyny
265
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,234
to�scream
their�frustrations�into.
266
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:04,197
Called�the�Snoozan�B.�Anthony,
267
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,230
the�contoured�memory�foam
is�shaped�to�accommodate
268
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,936
the�face-first�drop
of�an�angry�female
269
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,239
who�just�lost�her�promotion
to�the�new�guy
270
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:15,571
the�boss�calls�Funny�Steve.
271
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:19,108
The�Egyptian�cotton�is�perfect
for�absorbing�rage�tears
272
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:21,775
when�called�an�ugly�road�whore
273
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,284
for�not�smiling
when�a�guy�says,
274
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,752
"Why�don't�you�smile�more?"
275
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,115
The�same�company
is�also�working
276
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,453
on�a�lavender�eye-mask,
277
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,917
which�will�help�women
to�un-see�dick�pics.
278
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:34,291
After�the�break,
our�relationship�expert
279
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,133
shows�you�how�to�turn
every�date�into�a�speed�date
280
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,903
with�Methamphetamines.
281
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,602
I�do�that.
282
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,073
You�know,�I've�never�done
a�drug�in�my�life.
283
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,101
-I�know.
-I�think...
284
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:44,435
EMMA:�I�already�know�that.
285
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:54,545
Later�this�hour,
286
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,480
CSIS�has�released�everything
it�says�you�need�to�know
287
00:11:57,516 --> 00:12:01,046
about�redacted�redacted
airborne�redacted.
288
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,687
MIGUEL:�Scientists�have
discovered�a�cure�for�baldness
289
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,223
in�eagles.
290
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:08,387
EMMA:�And�the�nation's�uncles
discover�vast�nickel�deposits
291
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,834
behind�their�nephews'�ears.
292
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:14,233
Welcome�back.�We�all�know
legalizing�marijuana
293
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:17,066
is�our�generation's
civil�rights�movement.
294
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,573
No.
295
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:22,071
But�as�Canada�drafts�laws,
debate�rages�on�one�issue.
296
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:25,078
How�young�is
too�young�to�smoke�up?
297
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:27,511
Our�own
Donavon�Stinson�investigates.
298
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,088
There's�no�way�around�it.
299
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,923
Marijuana�will�be
legal�in�Canada.
300
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,434
It's�a�populist�policy�that
may�have�swung�the�election
301
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,600
by�bringing�out
younger�voters.
302
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,899
But�how�will�the�Liberals
prevent�legal�weed
303
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,771
from�reaching�those�underage?
304
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,100
I�spoke�to�Liberal�drug�czar,
Buzz�Deringer
305
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,606
to�find�out�how�he's�planning
on�keeping�kids'�hands
306
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:55,408
out�of�the�cookie�jar
where�we�keep�our�stash.
307
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,781
So�Buzz,
the�Tories�accused�you
308
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,746
of�planning�on
selling�drugs�to�children.
309
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,109
Do�their�concerns
hold�any�water?
310
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,418
More�like�bong�water.�(LAUGHS)
311
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,954
Are�you�high�right�now?
312
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,616
Look,�we're�not�naive.
313
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,794
We�know�what
our�nation's�kids�are�up�to.
314
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:11,790
That's�why�we�believe
315
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:14,794
kids�as�young�as�14
should�be�able
316
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:16,297
to�smoke�weed,
317
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:18,258
as�long�as
it's�with�their�parents.
318
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,937
No,�but�seriously,
are�you�holding?
319
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:28,237
DONAVON:�Jody�is�a�typical
14-year-old�from�Edmonton.
320
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,814
It's�cool.
It's�rolled�a�little�tight.
321
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,482
DONAVON:�His�parents�found�out
about�the�proposed�law
322
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,411
the�same�day�they�found
their�son's�weed.
323
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:35,606
Hey,�Jody,
324
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,278
I�ever�tell�you�about�the�time
your�mom�and�I
325
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,476
road�tripped�to�Big�Sky?
326
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:40,924
I�love�Big�Sky.
By�the�way,�that's�where
327
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,123
I�found�my�pet�lynx.
328
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,489
We�made�love�under�the�stars.
329
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,934
And�afterwards,�as�we�lay
naked�in�our�embrace,
330
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,460
I�looked�up
331
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,295
and�I�saw�the�face�of�God.
332
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,967
Oh,�yeah.�Cool,�thank�you.
333
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,342
Um,�so�what�do�you�think
about�this�new�policy?
334
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,308
I�mean�it�is,�um...
It's�pretty�dope,�right?
335
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,481
Why�don't�we�hang�out
like�this�all�the�time?
336
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,948
(STAMMERING)
'Cause�we�just�met.
337
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,320
No,�I�meant�that�kid.
338
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,479
My�kid.
339
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,824
Yeah,�he...�He�left.
340
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,486
Legalizing
recreational�marijuana
341
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,328
will�be�a�boon
to�the�economy.
342
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,533
Ticket�sales�for�Osheaga
are�up�70%.
343
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:29,836
Yeah,�reports�say
that�Colorado�see
344
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,869
the�real�rebound�in
the�sagging�laser�show�sector.
345
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:36,875
Totally.�Plus,�parents
can�bond�with�their�kids.
346
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,379
Wait.�Isn't�the�point
of�forcing�kids
347
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:40,551
to�smoke�with�their�parents
348
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,979
a�way�of�deterring
teen�drug�use?
349
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,346
Exactly.
350
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:48,722
Yeah,�but�what�is�it,�then?
Are�you...
351
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,564
Are�you�trying
to�encourage�the�sale
352
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,059
on�taxation�of�cannabis
353
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:55,561
or�prevent�it?�Because
you�can't�have�it�both�ways.
354
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:58,564
-Can't�we?
-Or�can�you?
355
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,397
We're�the�Liberal�Party,�dude.
356
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,232
Being�cravenly�two-faced
is�one
357
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:05,504
of�the�few�things�our�platform
is�pretty�clear�about.
358
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:08,707
Trust�me.�It'll�make
more�sense�after�one�more�hit.
359
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:11,711
Ooh.
360
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:14,711
We�should�go�swimming.
361
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,347
(LAUGHING)
362
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,417
I�had�to�hand�it�to�Buzz.
363
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:21,692
Once�you�get�through
the�legalese
364
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,020
and�those�two�verses
of�"Tweezer,"
365
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:26,526
the�Liberal's�proposal�is
a�piece�of�legislation
366
00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:28,728
that�we�can�all�get�behind.
367
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,061
For�the�Donavon,
I'm�Beaverton.
368
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:34,599
Thanks,�Donavon.
Uh,�me�and�Wedgie,
369
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,770
the�lighting�guy,
will�meet�you
370
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,598
in�the�parking�lot
after�the�show.
371
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,714
Regardless�of�how
or�when�it's�legalized,
372
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,239
marijuana�will�have
a�huge�impact�on�our�economy.
373
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:46,275
For�more�on�that,�we're�joined
by�Laura�Cilevitz.
374
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:47,452
Thanks,�Miguel.
375
00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:48,779
Since�legalizing�marijuana,
376
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,454
Colorado�has�managed
to�turn�it
377
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,452
into�a�billion-dollar
industry,
378
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:53,794
and�all�without�cannibalizing
379
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:56,619
the�state's�other
billion-dollar�industry.
380
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,585
-Skiing?
-Prisons.
381
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,458
Specifically�prison�labor.
382
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,263
Even�more�specifically,
prison�labor
383
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,625
done�by�marijuana�criminals.
384
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,234
Canada�should�take�note.
385
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,796
But�surely,�Canada�doesn't�use
prison�labor�for�profit
386
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,565
the�way
the�United�States�does.
387
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,938
Good�one,�Miguel.
388
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,983
Canadian�prison�factories
produce�a�ton
389
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,108
of�low�cost,
high�value�consumer�goods
390
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,913
like�wine,�bras,
and�hygiene�products.
391
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,976
Pretty�much�everything
that�goes�on�or�in�our�bodies
392
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,815
has�been�touched
by�convicted�felons.
393
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,990
I�just�love�my�Beaver�Creek
Penitentiary�Brand�underwear.
394
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,660
It�provides�minimum
confinement
395
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:30,955
with�maximum�support.
396
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:34,488
Anyway,�without
a�constant�stream
397
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,456
of�low�level
marijuana�convictions,
398
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,655
there's�a�real�risk
our�incarceration�rates
399
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,997
could�drop�from�too�high
to�just�very�high.
400
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,841
And�that's�a�huge�problem�for
the�hard�working�businesses
401
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,510
in�Canada's
caged-human�industry.
402
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,436
What�makes�prison�labor
appealing,�Laura?
403
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,606
One�word.
"Low�overhead�costs."
404
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,675
The�average�salary�of
a�Canadian�prisoner
405
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,324
is�just�$3�a�day.
406
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,849
They�bring�all�the�benefits
of�a�foreign�sweatshop�worker
407
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:03,355
with�none�of�the�drawbacks,
like�going�home�at�night.
408
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,319
So�who's�going�to
make�my�undies�now?
409
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:08,687
Oh,�there's�lots�of�ways
to�cover�the�labor�shortfall.
410
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,534
I�don't�wanna�tell
the�police�how�to�recruit,
411
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,662
but�I�would�suggest
street�racers,
412
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:16,298
pipeline�protestors,�cyclists.
413
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:18,695
The�point�is,�we'll�still�be
cleaning�up�our�streets
414
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:21,307
and�getting�quality�products
at�discount�prices.
415
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,680
It's�like�shanking
two�birds�with�one�stone.
416
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:27,653
Thanks,�Laura.�You�terrify�me.
417
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,179
Coming�up,
our�social�media�expert
418
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,875
tells�you�how�to�maintain
your�personal�brand
419
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,987
during�a�home�invasion.�Ooh!
420
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:35,019
-Okay.
-Spooky.
421
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:49,227
With�Canada's�150th�birthday
less�than�six�months�away,
422
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,698
some�officials�are�concerned
that�Canada's�history
423
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:55,007
doesn't�have�enough
celebration-worthy�moments.
424
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,580
The�solution?�Create�a�bunch
before�July�1st.
425
00:17:58,677 --> 00:18:02,247
The�busy�history-engineering
schedule�begins�in�March,
426
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:04,581
when�Canada�will�have
a�civil�war,
427
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:07,416
heightening�historic�tensions
between�Alberta
428
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,923
and�the�rest�of
the�country�it�hates.
429
00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:12,255
Then�a�communist�coup
will�turn�us
430
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,591
into�an�agrarian�society
for�a�few�weeks,
431
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:18,926
giving�rise�to�an�earthy�and
unique�folk�music�tradition.
432
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,771
A�government
spokesperson�said,
433
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,599
"We�were�hoping�the�trade�deal
with�the�European�Union
434
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,095
"would�be�historic�enough,
435
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,444
"but�people�don't�seem
to�care�where�we�sell
436
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,413
"our�cheese�and�wood."
437
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,241
But�Canada's�confident�we�will
have�plenty�to�celebrate
438
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,577
after�building�pyramids
in�the�Prairies,
439
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,423
recovering�from�a�massive
plague�in�the�spring
440
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:42,419
and�becoming�the�first�nation
to�allow�horses�to�vote.
441
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,894
2016�was�a�terrible�year
for�the�United�States,
442
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,764
from�the�worst�election
in�their�history
443
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,303
to�X-Men�Apocalypse.
444
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:54,129
-I�actually�liked�it.
-You�liked�Jupiter�Ascending.
445
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:58,136
But�2016�also�saw�key�allies,
Turkey�and�the�Philippines,
446
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,740
abandon�the�USA
for�Russia�and�China.
447
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:03,812
This�brings�us�to
tonight's�Point/Counter�Point.
448
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:06,482
Should�Canada�ditch�the�U.S.
and�find�someone�else
449
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,148
to�suck�up�to?
450
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,120
I'll�start�by�saying�that
I�don't�think�Canada
451
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,479
does�suck�up
to�the�United�States.
452
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,953
Really,�Miguel?�Kowtowing
on�softwood�lumber,
453
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,156
getting�dragged
into�Afghanistan,
454
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,418
making�this�face�every�time
Canada�gets�mentioned
455
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:19,787
on�American�TV.
456
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,830
Okay,�so�even�if�we�do�have
a�special�relationship
457
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:24,962
with�the�U.S.,
458
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,167
it's�made�us�one
of�the�most�powerful
459
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,498
and�prosperous�nations
460
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,173
in�the�mid-to-mid�upper�tier
of�nations,
461
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,639
like�a�super�Norway
or�a�crummy�Japan.
462
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:34,509
In�the�past,�maybe,
463
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,340
but�America's�on
a�downward�spiral,
464
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,181
and�we�need�to�find�someone
else�to�brown�nose�pronto.
465
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:43,178
Without�powerful�allies,
we're�just�cold�Australia.
466
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,145
First,�don't�ever�compare�us
to�those�Vegemite�lovers.
467
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,524
-Well...
-And�second,�okay,�it's�true.
468
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,820
For�all�its�faults,�the�U.S.
is�the�only�great�power
469
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,356
that�even�pays�lip�service
to�freedom�and�democracy.
470
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,532
I�know.�It's�what
makes�them�so�insufferable.
471
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:56,857
They're�always�saying,
472
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:58,032
"Hold�fair
and�open�elections,
473
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,300
"free�trade�benefits.
474
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,201
"Everyone,�don't
invade�Greenland."
475
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,873
Greenland�should�be
ours,�Miguel,
476
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,198
and�everyone
watching�knows�it!
477
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:08,214
If�we�cut�loose�from�America,
we'll�be�at�the�mercy
478
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,040
of�countries�that�feel
that�way�about�us.
479
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,882
Unless�we�find�some
bigger�boots�to�lick.
480
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,148
Do�you�think�the�Russians
would�care
481
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:16,009
if�we�invaded�someone?�No!
482
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,048
They'd�say,
"Go�ahead.�Take�it."
483
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:20,494
Unless�they�wanted
to�invade�it�first,
484
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,519
which�would�be
totally�cool�with�us.
485
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,194
This�is�exactly�the�kind
of�war�mongering
486
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,993
that�U.S.�power�helps�curtail.
487
00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:27,734
Yeah,�and�what�has
that�gotten�us?
488
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,389
Certainly�not�Greenland!
489
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,234
But�if�it's�not
gonna�be�Russia,
490
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:32,903
who�would�you�like�us
to�suck�up�to?
491
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:34,728
-China?
-Even�worse.
492
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,743
So�what?�You�think�we
shouldn't�suck�up�to�anybody?
493
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,568
Well,�obviously�not.�I�mean,
you�gotta�kiss�somebody's�ass.
494
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:42,835
Yeah,�it's�basically�our
whole�national�identity.
495
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:45,184
Well,�I'm�really�glad
that�we�found
some�common�ground
496
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:46,580
once�this�year.
497
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:47,912
Yeah.
498
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:50,216
And�with�that�we've�reached
the�end�of�our�broadcast
499
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,889
and,�more�significantly,
the�end�of�the�news.
500
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,059
We'll�see�you�again�as�soon�as
something,�anything,�happens.
501
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,564
That's�really�interesting
that�you�would�say
502
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:03,762
the�news�is�over
because�that's�absurd.
503
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,095
Well,�it�is.
504
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,570
But�that�doesn't�make
a�shred�of�sense.
43746