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1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,141
MIGUEL:��Chinese�leaders
urge�Canada,
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,912
to�worsen�it's
Human�Rights�record.
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,181
EMMA:��Loblaws�consults
with�Barack�Obama
4
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,610
for�his�final
President's�Choice.
5
00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:14,205
MIGUEL:��And�a�drought
in�Nova�Scotia,
6
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:15,847
is�forcing�Alexander�Keith's
7
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,522
to�stop�watering�down
their�beer.
8
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,030
(AUDIENCE�APPLAUDING
AND�CHEERING)
9
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,469
Welcome�to��The�Beaverton.
10
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,641
78%�of�your�daily�recommended
intake�of�news.
11
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,470
I'm�your�host,�Emma�Hunter.
12
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,876
And,�I'm�Miguel�Rivas.
Also,�a�host.
13
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:44,636
After�a�new�round
of�criticisms
14
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:45,877
aimed�at�the�seal�hunt,
15
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,852
the�Federal�Government
has�modernized�the�hunt
16
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,521
by�opening
a�Harp�seal�factory�farm.
17
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,350
Instead�of�the�barbaric
single�stroke�of�a�club,
18
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,186
the�new�factory�farm
will�butcher�animals
19
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,791
in�a�civilized�fashion.
20
00:00:56,823 --> 00:01:00,863
Utilizing�cramped�cages,
cattle-prods�and�band�saws.
21
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,064
This�is�the�first
form�of�hunting
22
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,795
to�be�banned�since�the�50's
23
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,570
when�the�government�ended
our�centuries�old�practice
24
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:09,939
of�sneaking�up�on�pigs
and�clubbing�them�for�bacon.
25
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,537
North�Korea�has�expanded
26
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,912
their�long-range
missile�capabilities.
27
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,181
One�previously�safe�locale
that�believes
28
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:20,480
they�are�now�right�in�the�eye
of�the�future�nuclear�storm,
29
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:22,983
is�Corner�Brook,�Newfoundland.
30
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,186
Residents�of�the
20,000�person�town
31
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,918
are�not�sure�how�they�came
to�be�targeted
32
00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:28,823
by�the�North�Korean
dictatorship,
33
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,685
but�suspect�it�has�something
to�do�with�the�local�foodie,
34
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:34,734
Jim�Everwood's
two-star�Yelp�review
35
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:39,331
of�St.�John's�Jagoon
Korean�barbeque.
36
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:41,095
Corner�Brook�officials
are�still�hoping
37
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,074
for�a�diplomatic�solution.
38
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,173
But�the�fact�remains�that
20�kilotons�of�fiery�death
39
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,966
are�now�at�the�fingertips
40
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,807
of�an�increasingly�unstable,
Kim�Jong�Un.
41
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,014
Pictured�here,
wearing�a�giant�moustache
for�a�hat.
42
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,318
In�business�news,
Scotiabank�has�admitted
43
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,380
their�famous�slogan,
44
00:01:58,418 --> 00:01:59,748
"You're�richer
than�you�think."
45
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,146
Is�the�result�of�a�math�error
46
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,587
on�the�part�of�their
accounting�department.
47
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,533
Executives�from�the�bank
noted�that,
48
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:06,958
with�the�Canadian�economy
49
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:09,163
entering�its�second
major�recession�in�a�decade,
50
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,495
you�are,�if�anything,
51
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:12,800
even�poorer
than�your�parents�think.
52
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:14,232
Scotiabank�executive,
Richard�Matlin
53
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:15,367
had�this�to�say.
54
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,401
(MIGUEL�READING)
55
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,436
"Legally,�we've�been�advised
to�say,�'No.'"
56
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,214
Now,�let's�welcome�back
our�own,�Dave�Barclay
57
00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:28,846
for�the�latest
in�the�world�of�technology.
58
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,516
(MUSIC�PLAYING)
59
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,993
Thanks,�Emma.
60
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,191
Hey,�Miguel.
I�have�a�question�for�you.
61
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,663
Have�you�ever�felt�cheated
62
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:41,261
by�the�lack�of�pre-natal
products�available�for�men?
63
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:42,404
Have�you�ever�thought,
64
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,928
"Why�do�women
get�to�have�all�the�fun
65
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,273
"when�it�comes
to�pregnancy�tests?"
66
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,598
Not�even�once.
67
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:47,933
Well,�your�prayers
have�been�answered
68
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,797
by�the�developers
of�Clear�Dude.
69
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,766
A�new�App�that's�billed
as�the�first�ever
70
00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:54,944
pregnancy�test�for�men.
71
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:57,014
The�app�uses
a�complex�algorithm
72
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:58,443
to�tell�if�you're�about
to�be�a�father
73
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,978
based�on�your�knowledge�of,
and�interest�in,�World�War�II.
74
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:05,446
How�does�it�work,
you're�wondering?
75
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:08,415
I�mean,�yeah...
It�seems�far-fetched.
76
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,264
Well,�simply�answer
a�few�questions
77
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,690
about�Normandy,
Patton's�flanking�tactics,
78
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,185
and�the�German�U-boat�campaign
79
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,727
and�your�smart�phone
will�not�only�know
80
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:16,962
if�your�wife�is�expecting,
81
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,266
but�if�you�have�what�it�takes
to�be�a�dad.
82
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,129
Dave,�I've�recently�had�a�kid
83
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,467
and�I�only�have
a�cursory�knowledge
84
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:23,542
on�some�of�these�subjects.
85
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:24,640
Oh,�really?
86
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,011
Are�you�sure?
87
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,739
Explain�Churchill's
reluctance�to�stop
88
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,714
German�bombing
campaigns�in�Coventry.�Go!
89
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,042
Churchill�made
the�tactical�decision
90
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,747
to�conceal�the�secret
that�he�cracked�the�code
91
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:33,979
to�the�Enigma�machine.
92
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,053
Oh,�my�God.�It�works!
93
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,651
(APPLAUSE)
94
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,323
Well,�the�jury's�still�out�on
Churchill's�involvement
95
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:40,552
in�Bletchley�Park.
96
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,617
Oh,�wow,�Emma.
97
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,385
If�you�had�a�wife,
I'm�sure,�she'd�be�pregnant.
98
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,829
(CHUCKLES)�Thanks,�Dave.
99
00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:50,201
Are�there�any�other�features?
100
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,600
Oh,�developers�are�promising
to�unveil�upgrades
101
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,202
with�skill�testing
questions�on
102
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,104
proper�grilling�techniques,
deck�building�competency
103
00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,266
and�a�tool�to�measure
how�loud�your�sneeze�is.
104
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,483
I'm�curious,�Dave,
for�our�female�audience,
105
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,708
are�they�developing
106
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,483
any�digital�pregnancy�tests
for�women?
107
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:08,011
Uh.�According�to�my�sources
in�Palo�Alto,
108
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,577
Clear�Dude�has�been�working
on�this�for�years.
109
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,187
But�they�can't�seem
to�find�a�way
110
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:15,418
to�pee�on�the�phone
and�still�keep�it�operational.
111
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:18,385
But,�that�doesn't�stop�me
from�trying.
112
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:19,634
That's�gross,�Dave.
113
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:23,725
Up�next...
114
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:24,903
A�wave�of�excitement
115
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,231
is�spreading�across
the�country
116
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,926
after�Queen�Elizabeth�II
117
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:31,337
announced�a�surprise�visit
to�Canada�later�this�year,
118
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:34,641
to�finally�claim
her�prima�nocta.
119
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:37,314
The�historical�accuracy
of�the�prima�nocta
120
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:39,213
where�the�monarch
may�bed�a�subject
121
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:43,645
on�their�wedding�night,
is�a�hotly�contested�subject.
122
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,353
Nevertheless,
Queen�Elizabeth�will�conduct
123
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,245
a�royal�ploughing�tour
124
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,387
from�the�Bay�of�Fundy
125
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,061
all�the�way
to�the�misty�shores
126
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,489
of�the�Queen�Charlotte
Islands.
127
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,055
A�spokesperson
for�the�royal�family
128
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,403
reminded�all
Canadian�bridegrooms�that
129
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:57,929
as�subjects
of�the�Commonwealth,
130
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,474
it�is�their�civic�duty
131
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,999
to�thoroughly�explore
her�majesty's�crown�lands.
132
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,602
Coming�up,�after�the�break.
133
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,907
Are�Edmonton�and�Calgary
the�same�city?
134
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:08,679
Our�experts�weigh�in.
135
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,679
(APPLAUSE)
136
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,450
NARRATOR:
Coming�this�fall,�on�CBC.
137
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,422
From�the�people�who
brought�you�Schitt's�Creek.
138
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:22,261
Comes�another�show
that�sounds�dirty,�but�isn't.
139
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,888
When�two�city�slickers�move
to�the�small�community
140
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,534
of�Fuck�Town,�Manitoba.
141
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,889
They�have�no�idea
142
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:30,027
what�whacky�high�jinx
they're�in�for.
143
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,333
WOMAN:�You�guys�must�do
a�lot�of�fucking�here,�right?
144
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,525
Oh,�goodness�gracious,�no.
145
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,737
This�is�a�Christian�community.
146
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,599
NARRATOR:��It's�the�show
about�rural�Canada
147
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,938
that�we've�made�before,
148
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,542
but�this�time,
it�has�a�sex�name.
149
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:42,944
And�stars,
the�descendants
150
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,305
of�your�favorite
funny�Canadians.
151
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,084
Including�Mark�Myers.
152
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,312
You�know,�I�thought�this�place
would�be�crazier.
153
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,618
Or�at�least�more�vulgar.
154
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,149
NARRATOR:��And�Jan�Akroyd.
155
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,354
Yes,�aside�from�the�name,
156
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,415
this�town�doesn't�push
the�envelope�at�all.
157
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,324
NARRATOR:��And�Colin�Mochrie's
brother�is�Gus.
158
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,686
The�whacky�Mayor.
159
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,534
Well,�we�try�and�keep�it
family�friendly�here.
160
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,860
Oops,�late�for�orgy.
161
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,462
Orgy?
162
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,067
That's�just�what�we�nickname
our�church.
163
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,298
(NERVOUS�CHUCKLE)
164
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,206
NARRATOR:��The�reviews
are�already�flooding�in.
165
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,208
(NARRATOR�READING)
166
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,478
...raves�John�Doyle.
167
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:17,779
(NARRATOR�READING)
168
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,545
...gushes�the�Toronto�Star.
169
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:25,624
Oh,�the�name
is�supposed�to�be�funny.
170
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,257
Oh...
171
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,618
(BOTH�CHUCKLE)
172
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,225
BOTH:�Hmm.
173
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,604
(BREATHES�DEEPLY)
174
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:45,944
Coming�up�later...
175
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,342
EMMA:��Russian�hackers
176
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:48,443
take�down
the�Ministry�of�Fisheries'
177
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,714
"What�fish�are�you?"�quiz.
178
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,813
MIGUEL:�Canada�Post
releases�a�series�of�stamps
179
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,775
that�commemorates�stamps.
180
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,445
EMMA:��And�Google�invents�a�car
that�crashes�for�you
181
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:00,894
while�you�text.
182
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,660
Turning�to�the�world
of�sports,
183
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:03,988
the�commissioner
of�North�America's
184
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,763
largest�head-butting�league,
is�denying
185
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,662
any�significant�link�between
head-butting�and�concussions.
186
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:12,695
The�NHBL�insists
there�is�no�conclusive�proof,
187
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:15,202
repeatedly�bashing�heads
together�until�one�party
188
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,574
is�rendered�unconscious,
189
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,642
causes�long�term�impairment.
190
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:20,771
Despite�concussion�symptoms
being�reported
191
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:23,007
in�100%�of�players.
192
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:24,943
The�league�added...
193
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:26,377
(MIGUEL�READING)
194
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:29,677
...of�what�is
causing�conditions,
195
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:30,915
like�slurred�vision,
196
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,720
concave�forehead,
liquid�brain�disease
197
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:36,293
mind�terrors�and
exploding�skull�syndrome.
198
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,263
Death,�it's�inevitable.
199
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,332
But�does�it�have�to�be
so�drab?
200
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,600
With�the�passing
of�the�assisted�suicide�bill,
201
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:44,999
the�government�has�decided
to�stay�out
202
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,531
of�the�deathbeds
of�the�nation.
203
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:47,896
This�opened�the�door
204
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,604
to�an�exciting,�new�sector
of�commerce.
205
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,335
Our�own,�Laura�Cilevitz
has�more.
206
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,941
When�assisted�suicide
legislation�was�passed,
207
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,414
people�assumed�deaths
would�only�be�carried�out
208
00:07:57,443 --> 00:08:00,383
in�bland�hospital�rooms
or�government�offices.
209
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,453
LAURA:��But�fortunately,
210
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,051
the�free�market
has�stepped�up.
211
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:06,392
Offering�consumers�the�death
they�have�always�dreamed�of.
212
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,519
I�sat�down�with�one�of�these
death-preneurs
213
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,064
to�find�out�more.
214
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,419
CINDY�MULSKEY:
As�your�death�concierge,
215
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:14,057
I�will�personally
facilitate�an�exit�strategy
216
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,803
that�fits�your�budget
and�your�personality.
217
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,759
Ooh.�Where�do�I�sign�up?
218
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:19,928
(BOTH�CHUCKLE)
219
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,996
I�can�tell�you�about
a�few�of�our�options.
220
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:23,844
For�terminal�literary�fans,
221
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,940
I've�booked�trips,
222
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,541
to�jump�off�the�historic
bridges
223
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:27,842
of�Madison�County.
224
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,214
And�for�those
who�are�looking�for
225
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,782
more�of�a�homeopathic,
artisanal�death,
226
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:36,052
we�offer�a�line�of�organic
hemlock�infused�teas.
227
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,122
It's�just�so�fun.
228
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,850
Mm.
Now,�Cindy,
229
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,616
how�would�you�respond
to�criticisms
230
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,764
that�you're�profiting
off�pain?
231
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:47,729
We�offer�a...
humane�service.
232
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,760
If�you�wanna�see
who�is�profiting�off�death,
233
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,225
look�at�Big�Pharma.
234
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,804
LAURA:�Let�me�just�be
the�first�to�say�that
235
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,032
I�am�so�sorry�for�the�loss
of�your�monopoly
236
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,767
on�end�of�life�care,�Jerome.
237
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:57,942
Thank�you,�Laura.
238
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,040
This�new�legislation
is�not�only�offensive
239
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,842
but�unnecessary.
240
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:05,284
Palliative�care�patients
live�full,�painful,
241
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:07,481
medication-consuming�lives.
242
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,483
In�fact,�our�newest�drug,
243
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,175
allows�patients
with�brain�cancer
244
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,687
to�live�five,
even�$10,000�longer.
245
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,061
Huh.�So,�you're�concerned
246
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,789
that�the�assisted�suicide
cottage�industry
247
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:20,694
doesn't�respect
the�sanctity�of�life?
248
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,396
Absolutely.
249
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,458
Just�last�week,
a�diabetic�grandmother,
250
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,067
asked�to�end�her�life
by�consuming
251
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,198
an�entire�devil's�food�cake.
252
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,404
Death�by�chocolate
is�not�a�medically�sanctioned
253
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,406
or�even,�dignified,�way�to�go.
254
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:35,168
Death�by�chocolate
may�sound�crass...
255
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,677
Mm-hm.
...but�trust�me,
256
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,349
we�handle�it�tastefully.
257
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:41,108
LAURA:��With�so�many
opposing�voices,
258
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,277
I�wanted�to�hear�from�someone
259
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,075
more�directly�affected,
260
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,386
an�old�bitty,
with�cardiomyopathy.
261
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,620
Is�this�Groupon�still�valid?
262
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,655
My�friend,�Val,�bought�it.
263
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,991
No,�I'm�afraid�that
this�expired�last�week.
264
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,196
Oh.�That's�okay.
So�did�Val.
265
00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,399
LAURA:
Elaine,�are�you�sure
266
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,132
that�you�want�to�go
the�assisted�route
267
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,597
rather�than�just�have�nature
268
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,295
or�your�artificial
pace-maker�run�its�course?
269
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,868
Positive.
270
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:09,306
Ideally,�I�would�have�been
crushed�by�the�weight
271
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,312
of�Tom�Sellick's�body,
months�ago.
272
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,345
Oh.
But�my�insurance
273
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,080
wouldn't�cover�it.
274
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:20,145
Now,�a�patient�just�hung
herself�from�the�Eiffel�Tower,
275
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,346
last�week.
276
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:23,587
That�package�comes�with
hotel�stay
277
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,323
and�one-way�airfare.
278
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,158
French�food
has�too�much�butter.
279
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,693
Hm.
280
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,758
What�about�a�nice
bull�goring?
281
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:31,896
Mm.
282
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,301
Duel�to�the�death?
283
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,896
Oh,�it's�perfect.
284
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,565
I'll�take�the�duel,�please.
285
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,914
A�man�with�cirrhosis
just�chose�the�same�package.
286
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,140
We'll�set�it�up�right�away.
287
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:44,535
Exciting.�(CHUCKLES)
288
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,547
LAURA:��Questions�remain
about�patient's�rights
289
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,809
and�the�responsibilities
of�society.
290
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,378
But�given�that,
assisted�suicide
291
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,346
is�now�the�law�of�the�land,
292
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,985
all�we�can�do�is�live,
293
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,060
and�let�assist�to�die.
294
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,918
For��The�Beaverton,
I'm�Laura�Cilevitz.
295
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,627
(GUN�SHOT)
296
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,533
Thanks�for�that�report,
Laura.
297
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,361
Please�stay�away�from�my�nana.
298
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,469
The�holiday�season
is�nearly�upon�us.
299
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,071
And�yet�again,
America's�right�wing
300
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:12,142
TV�pundits
and�radio�personalities
301
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,271
are�complaining�that�the
war�on�Christmas
302
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:16,376
is�coming�earlier,�every�year.
303
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,950
(EMMA�READING)
304
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,879
"I'm�already�spending�my�time,
305
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,617
"getting�mad�about�PC�perverts
saying,�'Happy�Holidays.'"
306
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,015
The�group�added,
that�they�don't�want�to
307
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,027
have�to�spend�their�entire
November
308
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,999
demanding�City�Hall�display
a�nativity�scene.
309
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,958
Or�making�sure�that�all
the�mall�Santas�are�white,
310
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,497
the�way�Jesus�intended.
311
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,140
On�the�heels
of�last�week's�popular
312
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,299
bee-feed�segment,
313
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:45,596
ten�things�you'll�only�get
314
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,738
if�you�watched��HBO
in�the�80's.
315
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,313
Miguel�is�finally�starting
to�get�on�board
316
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:51,842
with�these�nostalgia�pieces.
317
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:52,907
I'm�pretty�sure,
I've�figured�out
318
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,005
how�these�work,�so,
319
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,106
without�further�ado,
320
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,047
here�are�five�things,
only�people�who�grew�up
321
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,423
at�38�Vargan�Crescent
322
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:02,191
between�the�years�1992
and�1998,�will�remember.
323
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,859
That's�a�narrow�peel,
Miguel.
324
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,090
Number�five.
325
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,685
The�shadow�of�that�maple�tree
in�the�backyard
326
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,497
that�made�it�look�like
Jaffar�from��Aladdin
327
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:12,128
was�staring�down�at�you
from�the�upstairs�window.
328
00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,134
Show�of�hands,
if�that�startled�you.
329
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,697
Not�sure�everyone's�tree
had�an�Aladdin�on�it
330
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,507
but�yeah,�okay!
331
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:22,168
Number�four,
playing��Mario�Kart
in�the�basement.
332
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,478
Hey,�I�love�me�some
Mario�Kart.
333
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,250
No�matter�how�bad�life�got,
334
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:27,778
nothing�felt�better
than�taking�refuge
335
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,483
in�the�basement�and�cranking
up�the�volume
336
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,575
to�drown�out�the�yelling.
337
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,145
Wait,�what?
338
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,086
Number�three,�pizza�night.
339
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,722
Every�Tuesday,
mom�had�to�work�late.
340
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,587
So,�you�got�to�order
whatever�you�wanted
341
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,055
while�your�dad
was�on�a�business�trip
342
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:42,363
with�his�assistant,�Bonnie.
343
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:45,334
Fun�fact,
my�mom's�name�is�Bonnie.
344
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,629
Number�two,�walking�to�school.
345
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,037
Back�in�our�day,
there�was�only�one�way
346
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,139
to�get�to�school.
347
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,440
Slip�on�your�Air�Jordans
and�start�walking.
348
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:54,742
All�right,�yeah.
Doc�Martens�for�me.
349
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,944
But�here�we�go.
(NERVOUS�CHUCKLE)
350
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,235
You�never�knew
what�you�were�gonna�see.
351
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,576
A�fight,�a�cat,
352
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,551
your�dad's�car
in�Bonnie's�driveway.
353
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:05,024
Number�one,�Christmas!
Oh,�boy.
354
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,350
You'll�only�get�this
if�you're�part�of
355
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,085
the�38�Vargan�Crescent�crew.
356
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,690
But�waiting�to�see,
if�this�was�the�Christmas
357
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:12,392
where�your�dad
showed�up�again,�was�huge!
358
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:16,003
You�did�great.
359
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,698
Coming�up�next,
we'll�talk�to�a�therapist
360
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,070
who�specializes
in�news�anchors.
361
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,174
It�was�very�relatable.
362
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:24,442
(APPLAUSE)
363
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,940
(MUSIC�PLAYING)
364
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,947
Coming�up�later,
on��The�Beaverton...
365
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,152
MIGUEL:��Oklahoma�lawmakers,
366
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,594
filibuster�an�Oklahoma
gun�registry�bill
367
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:41,919
by�performing�the�entire�score
368
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,864
to�their�favorite�musical,
Cats.
369
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,058
EMMA:��Scientists�warn
370
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:51,032
that�snow-globes�oversimplify
weather�patterns.
371
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,633
MIGUEL:��And�are�Canadians
getting�addicted
372
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,865
to�prescription�heroine?
373
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:57,369
Meet�the�heroin�addict,
who�says,�no.
374
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,813
Vancouver�is�introducing
an�innovative�new�program
375
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,539
to�help�alleviate�poverty.
376
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,184
Unpaid�internships
for�the�homeless.
377
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,780
According�to�a�spokesperson
from�the�City�of�Vancouver,
378
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:10,552
(MIGUEL�READING)
379
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,593
"Having�almost�3000
unpaid�interns,
380
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,688
"makes�us�an�exciting�place
to�do�business."
381
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,821
While�the�program�doesn't�give
indigent�people
382
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,327
the�means�to�escape�cycles
of�poverty�or�addiction,
383
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,629
it�does�give�them
the�opportunity
384
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:22,900
to�spend�their�days
385
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,198
answering�the�phone
and�running�errands
386
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,770
for�Fortune�500�companies.
387
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,229
As�for�all�the�young�people,
who�will�be�losing
388
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,497
their�prized�internships
to�homeless�people,
389
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,036
Vancouver�City�Council
recommended
390
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,841
they�give�fentanyl�a�try.
391
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,384
The�dangers�of�the�NSA's
392
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,238
controversial�surveillance
program
393
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,747
resurfaced�this�week,
394
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,948
after�an�elevator�shaft
collapsed
395
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,781
trapping�33�data�miners.
396
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:49,017
For�more,�we�go�to�Marilla�Wex
live�via�satellite�in�Utah.
397
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,424
A�group�of�heroic
covert�operatives
398
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:55,027
are�trapped�in�the�basement
of�the�NSA�data�center
399
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,730
with�nothing�to�occupy�them
but�the�task�of�spying
400
00:14:57,763 --> 00:14:59,933
on�their�fellow
American�citizens.
401
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,125
And�frankly,�everyone�else.
402
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:05,067
Wait,�so,�you're�saying
they're�still�spying�on�us?
403
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,514
Of�course,�they�are.
They're�doing�their�duty.
404
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:11,079
Despite�conditions�that�are
absolutely�deplorable.
405
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,180
MARILLA:��Cramped,�dirty,�hot.
406
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,782
Getting�as�high�as�75�degrees
Fahrenheit
407
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,584
before�the�AC�kicks�back�in.
408
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,418
Doesn't�sound�so�bad.
409
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:21,852
I�should�point�out
410
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,117
they�are�down�to�their�last
case�of�Monster�energy�drink.
411
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,427
But�they�are�keeping�morale�up
by�following�along
412
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:30,529
with�Gilly�and�Michael's
morning�calisthenics�routine
413
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:32,162
that�she�does
conveniently�close
414
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:35,327
to�her�home�security�camera.
415
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,537
Are�they�watching�us
right�now?
416
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,944
What�is�the�U.S...
417
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,983
What�is�the�U.S.�government
saying�about�all�this?
418
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,838
The�NSA�released
the�following�statement...
419
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,978
(MARILLA�READING)
420
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,352
"...which�we've�intercepted."
421
00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:57,387
I�can't�believe�the�NSA
can�read�my�emails
422
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:58,523
and�my�search�history.
423
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,027
Yeah,�I'm�sure�the�NSA
really�cares�about
424
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:03,700
your�Google�searches�for�socks
that�go�with�charcoal�suits.
425
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,569
Thank�you�so�much,�Marilla.
426
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:09,198
Now�it's�time�for�an�update
from�Emma's�other�show
427
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,774
which�she�somehow�finds
the�time�to�host,
428
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,273
even�though�she�also�hosts
this�show
429
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,074
and�writes
my�teleprompter�lines.
430
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:19,407
For�all�the�latest�hot�goss
on�your�favorite�celebrities,
431
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:22,145
it's�time�for��Entertainment
Right�Now,�Canada.
432
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,078
MAZIN:��Coming�up�on,
433
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,676
Entertainment�Right�Now,
Canada.
434
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:29,088
We'll�tell�you�all�about
what�indigenous�looks
435
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,721
celebrities�will�be
appropriating�this�spring.
436
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:33,687
EMMA:��And�get�up�close�and
inside�your�favorite�celebrity
437
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:36,296
with�our�red�carpet
pap�smear�cam.
438
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,898
Hi,�I'm�Mazin.
439
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,470
Here�as�always,
with�Emma�Hunter.
440
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,328
Canada's�favorite�25-year-old.
441
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,337
Oh!
Up�first.
442
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,899
With�the�Marvel
cinematic�universe
443
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,907
again�dominating
the�box�office,
444
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,879
every�studio�is�looking
to�create�movie�universes.
445
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:52,608
With�sequels,�spin-offs
and�connecting�storylines.
446
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:55,354
The�Canadian�movie�industry
is�no�exception.
447
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,351
eOne�films�has�just�announced
the�creation
448
00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:00,053
of�Canada's�first
cinematic�universe.
449
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,845
Set�in�the�gritty
and�compelling�world
450
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:05,117
of�Canada's�most�epic�saga,
Anne�of�Green�Gables.
451
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:08,157
The�company�has�rolled�out,
a�21�film�plan,
452
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,263
beginning�with
the�original�tale
453
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:11,264
of�the�plucky�PEI�orphan,
454
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:13,226
then�moving�into
darker�sequels�like,
455
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,965
Anne�of�the�Spanish�flu�and
456
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,570
Anne�vs.�The�European
Inflation�Crisis.
457
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,873
There�will�also�be�spin-offs
featuring�beloved�characters
458
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,335
from�the�Avonlea�world.
459
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,983
Including�a�biopic
that�details�the�gilded�age
460
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:26,279
sexual�awakening�of�a�young
Maurilla�Cuthbert.
461
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:28,581
And�a�spin-off�about�that
one�friend�of�Anne's
462
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,924
whose�name�you�can't
quite�remember.�(LAUGHS)
463
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,949
And�what�he�got�up�to
in�the�Asian�opium�trade.
464
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,156
Well,�I'm�most�excited�for
the�gritty�World�War�II�drama
465
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:40,129
entitled��Green�Gables�Five,
Rise�of�Hitler.
466
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,138
Fuck�you,�Hitler.
467
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:58,376
Let's�dance.
468
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:01,412
(SCREAMING)
469
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,375
EMMA:��I�caught�up
with�the�stars�on�the�set
470
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,587
of�G-G-Five-R-O-H.
471
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,959
I�think�it's�safe�to�say
that�if�Anna�Green�Gables
472
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:11,058
were�a�real�person,
473
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,491
World�War�II
never�would've�happened.
474
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,796
Wonderful�stuff,�Emma.
You're�a�national�treasure.
475
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,072
Oh.�(CHUCKLES)
476
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,570
That's�all�the�time
we�have�for�tonight.
477
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,801
But�tune�in�next�week
where�we�tell�you�all�about
478
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,467
how�one�aging�actress
479
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,265
is�defying�society's
expectations
480
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,807
by�continuing�to�live.
481
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,112
Wow.
482
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:32,213
(MUSIC�PLAYING)
483
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,119
After�the�break,
more�boring�news.
484
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,094
(MUSIC�PLAYING)
485
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,298
Welcome�back.
486
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,630
Taking�action�against
a�stagnant�economy,
487
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:56,395
Justin�Trudeau�has�approved
dozens�of�oil�pipelines
488
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:58,135
in�the�hope�that�it�will
stimulate�jobs
489
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,340
in�the�oil�pipeline
protest�sector.
490
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,340
Said�Trudeau...
491
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,784
(MIGUEL�READING)
492
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,180
"...for�the�nation's
pamphlet�printers,
493
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:07,411
"chant�lyricists,
494
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,316
"and�self-righteous
Facebook�friends."
495
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,649
To�further�bolster
the�outraged�economy,
496
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,394
Trudeau�added�he�will�raise
tuition�fees
497
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,089
by�7000%,
498
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:18,461
and�give�away�the�rest
of�our�fresh�water�supply
499
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,760
to�Nestle.
500
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,602
Canadian�household�debt
continues�to�balloon
501
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:24,829
to�record�levels.
502
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,273
To�remedy�this�situation,
503
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:28,568
the�government�has�come�up
with�a�solution
504
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,240
straight�out�of
the�history�books.
505
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:31,899
Debtor's�prison.
506
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,607
Popularized�in�the�grim
19th�century�work
507
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,870
of�Charles�Dickens,
508
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,208
the�prisons�allow�the�state
509
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,652
to�incarcerate
delinquent�borrowers
510
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,878
until�their�creditors
are�satisfied.
511
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,854
Or�they�die�vomi-shitting
from�dysentery.
512
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,553
Whichever�comes�first.
513
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:47,745
While�critics�say,
514
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,246
these�new�jails�will
unfairly�punish
515
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:50,758
the�working�poor,
516
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:53,459
the�government�was�quick
to�defend�itself.�Saying...
517
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,492
(EMMA�READING)
518
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,130
And,�I�don't�know,
519
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:02,774
that�just�seems
like�a�lot�of�work.
520
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,841
I'd�like�to�end�our�broadcast
this�week�on�a�lighter�note.
521
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,311
Normally,�an�interaction
between�a�dog�and�a�rabbit
522
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:11,810
ends�in�a�pile�of�shredded�fur
and�a�blood-soaked�pooch.
523
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,153
But�we�found�two�animals
524
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,048
who�have�broken�inter-species
boundaries
525
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,650
by�becoming�best�frenemies.
526
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,423
MIGUEL:��Meet�Rosco,
a�darling�Labrador
527
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:21,621
and�his
pseudo-friend/�bitter�rival,
528
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,693
a�rabbit�named�Bubbles.
529
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,732
EMMA:��The�unlikely�pair
can�be�often�found�engaging
530
00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,688
in�passive�aggressive
mind�games,
531
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:31,557
while�maintaining
a�thin�veneer�of�friendship.
532
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:32,827
In�the�viral�video,
533
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,874
Bubbles'�cold
stand-offish�gaze
534
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,840
as�Rosco�condescendingly
tries�to�assert�his�dominance,
535
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,609
reminds�us�that�animals
are�just�like�us.
536
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:43,109
The�worst.
537
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:45,111
Well,�that's�about�all
the�time�we�have�tonight.
538
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:47,153
But�we'll�be�back�next�week
with�full�coverage�of...
539
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,479
(INAUDIBLE)
540
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:52,749
For�The�Beaverton,
I'm�Miguel�Rivas.
541
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:55,124
And�I'm�the�thinking�man's
Miguel�Rivas,�Emma�Hunter.
542
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:57,163
Wishing�you�Goodnight.
543
00:20:57,956 --> 00:20:59,456
(APPLAUSE)
544
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:00,961
(MUSIC�PLAYING)
545
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,957
(BOTH�TALKING�INDISTINCTLY)
44517