subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for New.Girl.S02E17.Parking.Spot.WEB-DL.x264.AAC.2.0-LeRalouf

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,270 --> 00:00:16,650 I like how things aren't weird between us. 2 00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:18,960 Right? 'Cause if somebody walked in here and saw us, 3 00:00:18,980 --> 00:00:21,990 they'd be, like, "Look at those two totally normal roommates. 4 00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:24,180 I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face. 5 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,120 I sucked your face. 6 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,290 - You did. - Who cares? 7 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,480 - You totally sucked my face. - Sorry that I touched your hand there. 8 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,060 - It was accidental. Like, who acc...? - Yeah. I mean, which is cool, 9 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,470 'cause that's the thing. It's, like, we're just roommates. 10 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,690 - Who cares? I totally agree. Yes. - We're just cool. You know what I mean? 11 00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:36,550 Let's reward ourselves, 'cause we're doing so well. 12 00:00:36,650 --> 00:00:38,910 Table for two, fanciest restaurant in town. 13 00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:41,400 Yeah, and then we could have sex. 14 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,270 - Just joking, I was just jok-- I was just joking. - Yeah, no, I know it was a joke. 15 00:00:46,410 --> 00:00:49,430 Spot. There's-There's a parking spot. 16 00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:53,210 I just finished rinsing out the Dumpster, 17 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:56,320 and while I was buffing the backside, I found this-- 18 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:57,800 4D. 19 00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,200 So, who gets the spot? 20 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,470 - Me. - You know what? I never get anything. 21 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:01,600 - I would like it. - I need a win. 22 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,260 Give me the spot, or I'll kill you all! 23 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:11,140 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 24 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,510 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 25 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:17,200 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 26 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,480 I park under an overpass. 27 00:01:19,490 --> 00:01:20,860 Guys, guys, guys, guys. 28 00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:22,290 We all have crappy parking. 29 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:26,040 Guys, why don't we just all share the spot? 30 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,580 We'll each get it for a day and a half every week, 31 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,090 and then we split Sunday into six-hour shifts. 32 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:34,190 Does it say "Share stuff" in the Constitution of America? 33 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,710 No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say? 34 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:37,620 Don't share stuff. 35 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,640 No one deserves that spot more than I do. 36 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:44,320 You know? 'Cause Lord knows, I've done my fair... share of... 37 00:01:44,490 --> 00:01:46,680 spotworthy things. 38 00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:47,850 What are you doing? 39 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:50,380 I'm sorry. Daisy travels so much, and I work at night, so, 40 00:01:50,390 --> 00:01:53,720 you know, our sex window is... like... 41 00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:57,360 I've lived in this loft as long, if not longer, than anyone. 42 00:01:57,390 --> 00:02:00,010 I have the crummiest room, I'm on 24-hour grout watch. 43 00:02:00,710 --> 00:02:02,730 I pay the lion's share of the utilities, do I not? 44 00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:05,130 - I refuse to pay for the wiffi. - It's WiFi. 45 00:02:05,170 --> 00:02:07,270 I didn't even have to tell you guys about the spot. 46 00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:09,880 Why did I tell you guys about the spot? Oh, damn it! 47 00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:11,310 I'm the dumbest boy in school! 48 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,510 - As the only woman in the loft... - Don't play the lady card. 49 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,180 - I will play the lady card. - Race card. 50 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,230 Lazy drunk card. 51 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,580 Deserves-the-spot card. 52 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,320 Do I not, every day, have to deal with Outside Dave? 53 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,760 Dave? I have to use my car now, Dave. 54 00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:29,930 I work so hard, I just want some sleep! 55 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,860 Dave, I'm gonna go get some coffee. 56 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,710 Um, can I get you anything? 57 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,150 2% latte. 58 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,230 He throws dentures at me, he doesn't like cookies. 59 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,910 Because I believe so strongly in women's equality, 60 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,480 I refuse to give you preferential treatment. 61 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:48,560 Well, that's really cool, Schmidt. I really... 62 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,720 Wait a minute. 63 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:50,400 Oh. 64 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,900 Sex window. 65 00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:53,880 Now, if you all will excuse me, 66 00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:57,580 I am about to go and park my car on her parking spot. 67 00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,650 - Ew. Ew! Get out. - As if there was anything more important than this. 68 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,460 - I still want the spot, though. - Obviously not getting the spot. 69 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,760 And then there were three. 70 00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:06,420 That's right. Just the way I want it. 71 00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,610 Come on! It's a good job, guys. 72 00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:24,340 Yes! How do you two care about stuff so much? 73 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,170 Well, you know what this means, Jessica, don't you? 74 00:03:26,190 --> 00:03:28,060 Nicholas Miller is now a swing vote. 75 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,370 - What? No! - He's right, 'cause we're 76 00:03:29,380 --> 00:03:32,480 both voting for ourselves, so that makes you the decider. 77 00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:33,790 You two are on your own. I'm out. 78 00:03:33,820 --> 00:03:35,100 You can't escape destiny. 79 00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:37,880 She comes for us all, that relentless bitch. 80 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:40,980 That's right. Destiny's a lady. 81 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,640 Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis. 82 00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:46,070 Direct quote-- Scott Caan. 83 00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:50,050 Yup. 84 00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:53,090 Hey. 85 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,060 I found one of your hoodies, 86 00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:57,070 and I borrowed it. 87 00:03:57,330 --> 00:04:00,660 You want to know what I'm wearing underneath this shirt? 88 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,820 - Yeah, sure. - An invisible shirt. 89 00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:07,580 - I'm confused, Jess. - These are so long. Oh. 90 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,470 I wouldn't put that in your mouth. 91 00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:11,780 - Do you chew on this? - I do. 92 00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:13,850 Mmm. You do, huh? 93 00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:16,060 It's crunchy. 94 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,440 - Oh. - You get hit in the head or something? 95 00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,930 - Hmm? - Are you flirting with me to get the spot? 96 00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:24,280 How dare you accuse me of that. 97 00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:26,440 - The parking spot is yours. - Really? 98 00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,790 - Yeah. - Thanks, Nick. That's so cool of you. 99 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,080 Sometimes I can be a gentleman, believe it or not. 100 00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:33,430 - Cool. - Cool. All right. 101 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,340 - Well, thank you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 102 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:37,140 Get in here. Yeah, we can... 103 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,230 Let's hug this out. 104 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,430 Purple nurple! 105 00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:42,120 Thank you. 106 00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:45,030 - I don't know why I did that. I'll get ice. - Why did you do that? 107 00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:49,920 Oh, finally. What took you so long? 108 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,560 I said 2:45, not 3:08. 109 00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:52,750 I couldn't follow your directions. 110 00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:54,490 I'm telling you, girl, this complex is like a maze. 111 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,240 Every building in this place looks exactly the same. 112 00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,460 And for future reference, 113 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,240 I'm more of a left-right kind of guy, not so much 114 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,410 - a north-south kind of guy. - Put on a condom. 115 00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,860 Hmm... I don't, uh... 116 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,130 You forgot a condom? 117 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,480 - You got a grocery bag? - No. 118 00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:09,410 - Tin foil? - No. 119 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,500 - Hand sanitizer? - No. 120 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:11,850 You got a shower cap and a twist tie? 121 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,040 You didn't bring the one thing we need to have sex? 122 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,120 - What about a baseball cap that's really small? - Are you serious? 123 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:17,830 Um, I got quick reflexes. 124 00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:21,810 Mm, I'm gonna take care of this, okay? 125 00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:24,120 Okay, well, look, do not waste my time. 126 00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:25,870 I will be back faster than you can say, 127 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:28,780 "Damn, Winston, I took care of myself already." 128 00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:30,470 Don't-don't say that, though. 129 00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:33,000 Do not... Wait for me. Wait... 130 00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:36,640 Who wants an ice-cold Heisler, 131 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,380 all dressed up in a frosty mug? 132 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,920 - Sure. I like beer. - I know you haven't officially decided 133 00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:45,270 on the spot yet, but I just wanted to say, thanks, man. 134 00:05:46,330 --> 00:05:47,320 What for, Schmidt? 135 00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:49,360 We both know that you're gonna give the spot to me, 136 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,150 but I love that you're keeping up the charade. 137 00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:52,990 Spot's going to Jess. Jess. - Jess? 138 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,220 - Give me the beer back. - I'm trying to be a gentleman. 139 00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:57,190 Hey, Schmidt. Hey, Nick. 140 00:05:57,210 --> 00:05:58,830 Oh. 141 00:05:59,550 --> 00:06:01,540 - How you doing? - Good. How are you? 142 00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:03,220 Good. 143 00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:14,140 - What the hell? - Hmm? 144 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,730 What... the hell? 145 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,900 - I'm checking my e-mails. - Oh. Okay. 146 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,870 Think that I'm blind? Think I can't smell it? 147 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,360 You think I can't hear it? 148 00:06:26,810 --> 00:06:30,570 The stench of filth and lust is all over this room. 149 00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:33,430 Smells like freaking Tijuana. 150 00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,440 What... 151 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:36,920 happened here? 152 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,400 - Nothing. - Hardly anything. 153 00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:39,530 Hardly anything?! 154 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,980 You know I'm not good at this, Jess. 155 00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:43,140 Shut up. Okay, fine. 156 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:45,940 We kissed. Eh. 157 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,920 It was nothing. So? Uh, moving on. 158 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,290 Don't be weird about this, Schmidt. 159 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,190 Remember... I mean, it was like a dare, basically. 160 00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:58,190 - Yeah. - Mazel... tov 161 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,250 to the both of you. 162 00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:05,870 Well, I don't know what "Mazel tov" means, but it doesn't sound good. 163 00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:10,640 Excuse me, excuse me, sorry about that. 164 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,250 Emergency. Emergency. Sorry about that. 165 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,030 I need a condom. 166 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,300 - That'll be $8.75. - All right. 167 00:07:19,010 --> 00:07:21,400 What the hell? What the...? 168 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,590 Damn it, took Daisy's pants. 169 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:25,280 Look, I don't have any money right now, 170 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,890 but, you know, I have somebody waiting for me, 171 00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:28,580 so if you could just, you know? 172 00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,470 - Next. - Wait. No. No, no, no, no. 173 00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:33,160 Uh, look, what about that box of condoms right there, man? 174 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:34,680 They're practically open, right? 175 00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,830 How about you just slide one out and throw a brother a loosie? 176 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,180 Next. 177 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:39,780 Come on. 178 00:07:40,850 --> 00:07:42,080 Hey, everybody. 179 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:43,220 What's up? 180 00:07:43,270 --> 00:07:44,910 My name is Winston Bishop, 181 00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:48,580 and I am in desperate need... of a condom. 182 00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:50,580 - Okay, that's it. - Now hear me out. 183 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,500 - Okay? Okay. - Come on. Sorry, folks. 184 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,140 Hey, Schmidt? 185 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,810 Hello, Schmidt? You okay? 186 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,090 - Who? Me? - Yeah. 187 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,650 Yeah, look, guys, I'm fine. 188 00:08:01,670 --> 00:08:05,040 Look, I admit, at first I was thrown, but I'm fine. 189 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,960 Are you seriously doing this?! 190 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,030 I can't believe this! This is so dumb! 191 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:10,030 I'm sorry. 192 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,670 I'm just... I'm trying to process this whole thing. 193 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:15,250 Nick, you're my best friend, and you should have told me. 194 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,360 And Jess, what do you think? Mono is just some sort of joke? 195 00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:18,860 Nothing has changed. 196 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,200 Like same old, same old. 197 00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:23,870 Except for the fact that, uh, 198 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,920 pre-kiss Jess didn't have a parking spot. 199 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:29,590 Post-kiss Jess does. 200 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:33,070 Sounds... like... change. 201 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,970 I won the spot fair and square, Schmidt. 202 00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,690 Did you, though? I wouldn't say fair and square. 203 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,440 All right. Fine. 204 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,090 I used my body. Is that what you want to hear? 205 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:45,400 I shook what the good people of Oregon gave me, 206 00:08:45,470 --> 00:08:47,350 and I got a parking space. 207 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,810 Let me tell you something, Nicholas Miller. 208 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,900 You know, had Winston kissed me, 209 00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:54,430 you're the first person I would have told! 210 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,070 I know you would have told me if Winston kissed you. 211 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,520 But I guess your loyalty lies elsewhere. 212 00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:02,590 I can't handle this! 213 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,270 Fine. Schmidt, congratulations. 214 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,000 - The spot is yours. - Okay. Really. 215 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:08,100 - What?! - It's him. 216 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,630 Nick Miller, you weakling. 217 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:12,430 I can't have people thinking my decision wasn't above board. 218 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:13,910 This city can't have another scandal! 219 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:15,170 - Wise choice. - Thanks. 220 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,010 He's been manipulating you the whole time. 221 00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:18,490 - Look at him. - I don't think... 222 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,490 Look at his smi-- he's smiling evilly. 223 00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:22,630 You know what, Jess? Stop. 224 00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:24,730 You're manipulating me, he's manipulating me, 225 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,300 and I'm getting confused. 226 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,140 I am the decider of us three! 227 00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:31,100 I decide! 228 00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:32,780 Let the decider decide! 229 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,690 I am not the suggester! 230 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,420 I'm not having a good time with this game. 231 00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,170 Give my regards to Outside Dave. 232 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:42,140 Stay away from my space... 233 00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:44,310 or you'll have this to deal with. 234 00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:46,780 S... 235 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:48,820 Where are your nipples, man? 236 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,920 I'll never tell. 237 00:09:57,010 --> 00:10:00,240 You're either gonna break your finger, or you're gonna break that button. 238 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,820 I'm not going back in there. It's too weird. 239 00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:04,010 You're the one making it weird, Nick. 240 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:05,820 You want weird? I'll give you weird. 241 00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,600 Weird, weird, weird. 242 00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,840 Fine. Weirder, weirder, weirder. 243 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:16,000 Weird, weird, weird. 244 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:18,280 Uh, weird, right, ugh. 245 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,930 Weird. 246 00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,210 - Weird. - Weird. 247 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,650 - Weird, weirder, weird. - Weird, weird. 248 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,130 - Weird, weird. - Weird. 249 00:10:24,150 --> 00:10:25,750 - Weird! Weird. Weird! - What are we doing?! 250 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,040 I don't know! You started it! 251 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:32,520 - Is this how it's gonna be? Is it? - What are we talking about, Jess? 252 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:35,410 You think things like this aren't gonna come up all the time? 253 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,490 We need a long-term solution. 254 00:10:38,110 --> 00:10:40,010 I'll give you a long-term solution. 255 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,000 I'm taking the spot! 256 00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,560 Oh, my God. 257 00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:47,620 What is all the commotion? 258 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,240 - He's taking the spot! - He can't do that! 259 00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,140 Kill him, kill him-- you said you'd kill him! 260 00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:53,340 - Now kill him! Now's your chance! - Oh, for heaven's sakes. 261 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,470 First car in the spot gets it. 262 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:56,200 Aah! 263 00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:04,840 Aw, damn it! 264 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:06,450 You middled me again?! 265 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,800 I'm not to be middled; It's in my contract. 266 00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,280 Shoot! 267 00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:12,100 Excuse me. Aah! 268 00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,490 Hey, five bucks if you help me fold this nicely. 269 00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:19,340 I'm not going above six, so don't negotiate with me. 270 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,130 Aah! 271 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,000 Go, go, sorry, go. 272 00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:26,180 Oh, I'm sorry, I-- okay, sorry, go. 273 00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:30,290 Move it, you wacky bitch! 274 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,170 It won't start. 275 00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:37,060 Help me push it! 276 00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,180 Get behind it. 277 00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:43,440 Back in the box! 278 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:47,050 Aw, cats. 279 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,270 Hey, hey, buddy. 280 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,580 What? 281 00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:56,590 Mine. 282 00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,440 The laws of parking require a vehicle. 283 00:11:58,470 --> 00:11:59,830 This is my vehicle. 284 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,500 This is my vehicle. 285 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,570 Don't. 286 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,200 Don't you do it, Schmidt. 287 00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:05,320 I'm not afraid. 288 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:06,750 Schmidt, no. 289 00:12:09,470 --> 00:12:10,900 - You just hit me. - Damn right I did. 290 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,850 - You're sitting right in the middle of the spot. - You hit me with your car 291 00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:15,620 over a parking spot, Schmidt. 292 00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:16,830 Get out of the spot! 293 00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:19,510 - Jess. - Move or I will hit you. 294 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,410 I want that spot. 295 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:21,520 - No. - Have you lost your mind? 296 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,060 - Not a joke, move, move. - No. 297 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,360 - What are you doing, Jess? - Move, move. 298 00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:25,460 Jess, stop it. 299 00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:27,550 What are you doing? Stop the car, you lunatic. She's insane. 300 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,700 - No-- oh! - O-h! 301 00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:32,580 No, no! 302 00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:34,690 - What is she doing? - What is going on? 303 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,460 Can't believe I'm going down like this. 304 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,380 You're not in the space! 305 00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:42,460 Okay, all right, mine, mine, I'm not leaving. 306 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,880 - I'm not leaving either. - I have a purse full of hard candy 307 00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,370 and an empty bladder. 308 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,700 I'm here all night, folks. 309 00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,750 - I'm here all night. - I'm here all night. 310 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,930 - I'm here all night. - I-- that's what I said. 311 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,200 I'm really happy you gave me another shot. 312 00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:57,780 Yeah, so am I. 313 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,140 You know, you, you can't judge someone based on their friends. 314 00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:02,410 No, and I feel like, if you gave them another chance, 315 00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:03,490 you'd really like them. 316 00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:07,260 - They are down to earth and chill, no drama. - Yeah? 317 00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:08,890 Hey, Cece, 318 00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:10,220 it's Winston! 319 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,350 You got a rubber?! 320 00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,940 I need a rubber. 321 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,150 He said "rhubarb," that's how he pronounces "rhubarb" 322 00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:20,590 - It's so weird. - Nah, nah, I-I need a condom 323 00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:22,680 for my penis! 324 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,710 What are you doing? 325 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,210 Okay, we're not close enough for this. 326 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,230 Alright, we have spent very little time together. 327 00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:30,690 You are the only person that I know in this neighborhood. 328 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,250 Don't you dare come in my house. 329 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,780 Hey, man, hey. 330 00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:35,590 Hey. I'm Winston, good to see you again. 331 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,520 - Shivrang, Hi. - You got a condom on you? 332 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,890 Oh, no, no, look that's not, We're, um... 333 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,520 Her mother and my mother... 334 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,830 I'm a chemical engineer. - Winston, 335 00:13:43,850 --> 00:13:46,180 Look, Shivrang, man to man, I know you have a condom 336 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,350 in your wallet, but the question to you is: Do you actually think 337 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,460 you' gonna get lucky with a a sexy lady like that? 338 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:55,090 You know, I feel like I'm getting lucky by just being here. 339 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,640 Be honest with me. Ok, fine, I've got a condom. 340 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,140 - Aha! - Winston. 341 00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:01,850 Is he going to need that condom tonight? 342 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,920 - I'm gonna punch you in the face. - Shall I give you a minute to think about it? 343 00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:05,430 - 'Cause I can wait. - I'm gonna wring your damn neck. 344 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:07,160 - This is awful, like, really... - Okay, okay. Get out. 345 00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:08,680 - This is worse than last time. - Honestly, physically removing you now. 346 00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,020 - I'm going. - Out of my house. 347 00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:15,390 It's a sour ball, not a bank safe. 348 00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:17,570 Just open the candy. 349 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,030 - Are you hungry? - Yes, I'm starving. 350 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,600 Why don't you go upstairs to the kitchen? 351 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,100 - It's full of food. - Just give me the damn candy. 352 00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:25,380 - Go get it. - Wait, no, no, no. 353 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,110 Aah. 354 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:28,910 Okay, I have, like, a stabbing pain, it's-- 355 00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:30,530 and it's, and it's like right here. 356 00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:31,820 It's my pishy. 357 00:14:31,850 --> 00:14:33,570 I, I have to pish. 358 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,040 I think we should take a break. 359 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:37,330 - Leave and you're out. - Drown in your own urine. 360 00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:38,510 I got to find a condom. 361 00:14:38,530 --> 00:14:39,970 I need a condom! 362 00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:41,450 But I still want the spot. 363 00:14:43,690 --> 00:14:45,640 Come on, come on, come on, Nick, come on. 364 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,550 Okay. 365 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,680 Condom, condom, condom. 366 00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:54,900 Damn it. 367 00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:56,670 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 368 00:14:56,700 --> 00:15:00,200 Here we go... here we go. 369 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,580 I mean, she's either having crazy amounts of sex 370 00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:04,040 or she does not know how to use these things. 371 00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:10,540 Oh, just focus, man, bring it in. 372 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,270 Absorb it. 373 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:16,630 Yeah. 374 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,210 Did you just pee inside your body? 375 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:18,990 Yes. 376 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:20,400 This is your fault, Nick. 377 00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:22,980 You compromised the whole loft. We had an agreement. 378 00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,840 When Jessica Day signed that lease, 379 00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:27,790 you, me, and Coach all took a no-nail oath. 380 00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,220 No-nail oath? 381 00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,680 - I didn't break the no-nail oath. - Your mouth nailed her mouth. 382 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:35,600 For the record, no one nailed my mouth. 383 00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:36,990 That's important to me. 384 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,500 Also, we didn't do anything wrong. 385 00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,080 - Do you know nothing about men? - Yeah, I know nothing about men. 386 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:45,300 That's why I'm wearing a short skirt and wool tights. 387 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,680 A woman cannot be in close quarters with three men and kiss one of them. 388 00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:50,230 What fuels men? 389 00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,240 Competition and sex. 390 00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:54,090 That's why the United Nations was formed, 391 00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:55,990 that's why girls aren't allowed on pirate ships, 392 00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:59,320 and that is why there is a no-nail oath in apartment 4D, 393 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:02,060 and deep down inside, Nick knows that I'm right. 394 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:02,850 Mm-hmm, 395 00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:05,340 back me up here, Nick. - I just want a piece of candy. 396 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,530 Are you serious? You didn't give me the spot 397 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,790 and now you won't back me up? 398 00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:10,710 - You coward. - Why should he? 399 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:13,590 Because he-- because... 400 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,090 Because, what, you kissed, 401 00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:19,250 and now he owes you some sort of emotional support and loyalty? 402 00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:22,410 Reason number two for the no-nail oath-- 403 00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:24,730 bitches be crazy. 404 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:25,840 Isn't that right, Nick? 405 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,660 I found garbage that has chocolate on it. 406 00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,810 Daisy, I'm back. 407 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:39,990 Daisy. 408 00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:41,680 Hey, Daisy, 409 00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:43,620 I'm here! Where you at?! 410 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:44,820 I don't have my phone, 411 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,710 and all these buildings look alike, and I... 412 00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:48,000 Hey, Daisy! 413 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,150 - You know Daisy? - Shut up. 414 00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,220 No? All right, okay, cool. 415 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,650 Now, I walked around with "yum" on my butt all day. 416 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,100 I deserve sex-- protected sex. 417 00:16:56,830 --> 00:17:00,400 Daisy...! 418 00:17:01,110 --> 00:17:02,880 Schmidt's right. 419 00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:05,180 I thought we could go back to the way things were, 420 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,540 but we can't. 421 00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:08,630 You nailed my mouth... 422 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:13,030 and you nailed it good and hard and strong. 423 00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:14,510 Now things have changed. 424 00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:16,520 Okay, but they don't have to have changed. 425 00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:19,290 It's just different, Nick, it is. 426 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,660 That kiss was the dumbest mistake I have ever made-- 427 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,860 dumber than Caroline, dumber than law school, 428 00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:26,350 dumber than when I thought it was pronounced 429 00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,190 "Brock Omabrama." 430 00:17:28,350 --> 00:17:28,980 What? 431 00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:31,010 I thought his name was pronounced "Brock Oma..." 432 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:32,620 It's not... 433 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,640 If I could go back in time and take back the kiss, I would. 434 00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:38,300 I would take it back, I regret it. 435 00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:41,510 Congratulations, 436 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:45,110 you're the proud owner of a new parking spot. 437 00:17:46,990 --> 00:17:48,790 Oh, you got to be kidding me. 438 00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,540 Jess, wait. 439 00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:54,580 You realize, every second 440 00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:56,640 that you don't run after her, you become more and more 441 00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,300 of a buttwad, don't you? 442 00:17:58,470 --> 00:17:59,910 Did you pee yourself? 443 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,780 That I did, that I did. 444 00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:10,060 - Jess. - Hi. 445 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,450 Hey, look... 446 00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:12,960 Why you holding a box of fish sticks? 447 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:15,890 Because I'm going to go scare the feral cats away 448 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,090 that live in my current parking spot, Nick. 449 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,180 I'm going to throw fish sticks at them 450 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:23,060 while singing "Memory," and don't you dare criticize me. 451 00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,330 I don't regret kissing you. 452 00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,930 I regret what it did, I regret that it made things weird. 453 00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:31,130 We are roommates, you know, we got to figure this out, Jess. 454 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,620 A no-nail oath? 455 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,060 You thought I was going to sleep 456 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,870 with one of you, like I just couldn't help it? 457 00:18:35,890 --> 00:18:39,010 It was me, Jess, I couldn't help it. 458 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,660 - You dropped your fish sticks. - Shut up, Nick. 459 00:18:48,550 --> 00:18:50,940 Ay, ay, ay. 460 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 461 00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:55,070 - We're having a conversation. - Will you please get out of here? 462 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,510 Yeah, well, that's the problem, isn't it? 463 00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:57,820 Because I live here, too, 464 00:18:57,830 --> 00:19:00,210 and I'm gonna be here when all of this goes to crap. 465 00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:01,730 Next time you guys have your dirty little thoughts 466 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,910 about each other, you better be thinking about me, too, 467 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,040 because I ain't going nowhere. 468 00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:09,470 You are literally sitting in a puddle of your own pee. 469 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:13,680 The apartment 4D no-nail oath right here: 470 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,670 "We, the undersigned, 471 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,510 "Agree never to nail our roommate Jessica Day 472 00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:20,730 "unless the sex can be parlayed into a business 473 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,250 that provides for all parties involved." 474 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,820 - What? - I didn't read the fine print. 475 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:28,620 "If one of the undersigned nails said female, 476 00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:30,020 well, then all must nail her." 477 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,330 - What?! - I didn't know there was fine print. 478 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,210 - What, what?! - I didn't know there was fine... 479 00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,810 Let me be very clear here-- I am a strong, 480 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,410 self-sufficient woman, 481 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,670 and I will not be nailing you, Schmidt, 482 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,520 or Nick or Schmidt. 483 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,060 Notice I said that twice 484 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,120 because I don't feel it's sinking in. 485 00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:46,980 There will be no nails 486 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,480 or screws or hammers 487 00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:54,040 in this building area generally, the whole thing. 488 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,630 What, do you think that I want to do this? 489 00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,100 Believe me, pass. 490 00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:01,560 I just don't want my home turning into a denof sexual tension and lies. 491 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,820 Now, do you want things to go back to normal or not? 492 00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:05,140 - Yes. - Yes, I do, but I... 493 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:06,880 Then, I just have to kiss you. 494 00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:08,880 This is just one of those things-- let's just do it... 495 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:09,930 No, I-I... 496 00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:11,350 ...get past it, we move on. 497 00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:12,620 I think that's a bad idea. 498 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,000 - Nick, you're into this, right? - I don't know, might help. 499 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,220 - Are you serious? - I don't know. 500 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,700 Okay, fine, just get over here and do it and do it fast. 501 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,550 - I'll be a hero. - Bring it on. 502 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,680 Mmm... 503 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:25,530 Aah. 504 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,320 - Ooh. - No. 505 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:29,060 - No. - Mistake. 506 00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,350 - It was really a mistake. - A big mi-- I made it weirder. 507 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:34,560 Is everyone in the world having sex but me?! 508 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,460 Old people, foreigners, 509 00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:37,450 nerds. 510 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:38,850 Everyone's banging. 511 00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:40,330 Schmidt and Jess?! 512 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,740 Everyone is out there 513 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,820 getting and giving except for old Winnie. 514 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:44,810 Look at me-- 515 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:48,320 a man who has absolutely nothing. 516 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,260 I left my phone, my wallet, 517 00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:53,010 and my dignity at Daisy's house. 518 00:20:53,060 --> 00:20:55,210 I even left my pants there-- look at this. 519 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,670 - Yum. - Yum. 520 00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,790 I need a win, damn it, I need a win. 521 00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:07,290 You need a win, pal. 522 00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:10,860 Yeah. 523 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:12,830 It's a little tight in here. 524 00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:14,560 Are you sure this isn't too tight? 525 00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:20,910 Okay, um... 526 00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:24,100 Uh-uh, this ain't gonna work. 527 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,480 This ain't gonna work for me. 39200