All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S02E36.El.Senor.from.Mars.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(upbeat instrumental music)

(electronic whine)

- Well, look, if
you're trying to decide

if we should have
last night's spaghetti

for dinner tonight, forget it.

I ate it for breakfast.

(audience laughing)

- Tim, I'm getting the
most disturbing vibrations.

They seem to be coming
from your left hand.

- The only thing I
have in my left hand

is this afternoon's
paper and a bill

from last month's car payment.

Which is going to give me some
very disturbing vibrations

if I don't come up with
some of that green stuff.

(audience laughing)

- Something in the
newspaper, on page 15.

- 15?

(paper rustling)

No, nothing here
but a bunch of ads.

Well, there's one small
article about a...

About a Mexican sheepherder
who found an old chest

with some Aztec writing on it.

It was near some town
called X-AH-PAC-A-CHEK...

- Xochopachitica.

(sudden dramatic music)

Montezuma, the tablet.

(upbeat instrumental music)

Well, let's hope I can get there

before they open that chest.

- Oh, you've got to be kidding.

Now, you're going
to try and tell me

that you're going to traipse
all the way down to Mexico

because they dug up some box
in ZA-DA-CHA-CHA-POO-CHI?

- Tim, do you have any
idea what they're going

to find in that chest?

- How should I know, I wasn't
there when they buried it.

- I was, and I'm sorry to
say that one of the items

in that chest is a stone
tablet commemorating

my arrival from Mars,
and my fortnight stay

at the court of Montezuma.

Including a perfect
likeness of me

chiseled in stone.

- I don't think used to
the idea that on Mars,

anyone under a
thousand years old

is still considered a teenager.

(audience laughing)

- Don't bother driving
me to the airport,

I'll catch a cab.

- Aren't you
forgetting something?

Plane tickets cost an
awful lot of money,

and right now our piggy bank
isn't making any rattle.

- I know, but this
is an emergency.

I don't think a
prosperous airline

would mind carrying
an extra passenger.

(mysterious instrumental music)

(audience laughing)

(mysterious instrumental music)

Especially if they don't
know they're carrying him.

- Well, lookit, Martin, look.

Without me, you are bound to
get into some kind of trouble.

I want to go with you.

- I appreciate the gesture, Tim,

but you can't make
yourself invisible,

and you said yourself, our
piggy bank is rather anemic.

- Sure, but the one at
the newspaper office

is bursting with good health.

All I have to do is a
little fast talking.

Just con our editor into
sending me down to Mexico

to do a follow-up story
on that Aztec chest.

Now look, I'll pack a
little bag, don't you move,

I'll be back before you
can say Juan Robinson.

(audience laughing)

- Well, I can't say I
approve of the deception.

But when they serve
dinner on the plane,

be sure to order seconds.

Traveling always
sharpens my appetite.

(audience laughing)

(mysterious instrumental music)

(antennae beeping)

(mysterious instrumental music)

(antennae beeping)

(upbeat instrumental music)

(jazzy instrumental Latin music)

(audience laughing)

- Pepe Jose Pablo Manuel Lopez
has been happy to serve you.

- Oh, well, I hope this will
be enough for the five of you.

(audience laughing)

(mysterious instrumental music)

They're not making cars
the way they used to.

About that old Aztec
chest that was dug up?

You haven't opened it, I hope?

- Oh, not until the
fiesta tomorrow.

Right now, the box is
sitting in the office

of the chief of police.

You see, this chest,
she is very important

to us of Aztec ancestry, senor.

We are all hopeful
that in the box,

we will find Quetzel Itzel,
the bird god of good fortune.

- Let's hope that's
all you find.

- Oh, senor, if you are staying

at Xochopachitica long,
there is only one good hotel,

the Palacio de Aztecas.

Adios!

- Adios.

(car engine stutters)

Martin, we gotta into
that chest, somehow.

Uncle Martin?

Oh, come on Uncle
Martin, where are you?

(audience laughing)

Uncle Martin?

(audience laughing)

How can you think of
food at a time like this?

- Because I'm almost starved.

Even though you couldn't
talk the hostess

into give you an
extra filet mignon,

the least you could have
done was to have shared

your dessert with me.

(audience laughing)

Well, now, let's do a
little reconnoitering.

I want to see if that
chest they dug up

is the one that has
my tablet in it.

(audience laughing)

I thought you came down here
to keep your eyes on me?

(audience laughing)

- Si
- Come on.

(suspenseful instrumental music)

- When Juan Gonzalez,
he find the box,

he do not take him to the mayor,

who is a man of smart potatoes,

but to me, Carlos
Dominguez, who she is

mucho, more importante.

- I'll bet she is.

(audience laughing)

I mean, I'll bet you are.

(audience laughing)

I don't suppose that the chest
is around here, anywhere?

- This is a small town, senor.

But the police force,
she is most efficient.

Look. (drawer sliding)

Here, magnifying glass,
for the finger...

Pardon. (audience laughing)

Fingerprints.

(drawer contents rattling)

Test tubes, for
the chemical tests.

(mysterious instrumental music)

Handcuffs, I send for all
the way to Guadalajara.

- Yes, well thank you very
much for the interview.

I certainly appreciated it.

I can see with all this
marvelous, marvelous

equipment you have here, the...

Well the law enforcement
must be marvelous.

- Oh, everybody here,
sir, is very, how you say?

Honest.

That is probably why
my detective methods

are so effective.

(audience laughing)

- Yes, yes, well, thank
you very much, Senor...

(attempts to speak Spanish)

Uh, chief.

(upbeat instrumental music)

(knock on door)

- Buenos tardes.

Welcome to the
Palacio de Aztecas.

- Aren't you the cab
driver that brought us...

Uh, brought me in
from the airport?

The one that
recommended this hotel?

- Si.

Pepe Jose Pablo Manuel
Lopez, the best cab driver

in all Mexico.

Also the best innkeeper
in all Mexico.

Also the best mayor
in all Mexico.

- Also the best drummer-upper
of business in all Mexico.

(audience laughing)

Oh, my Uncle Martin.

- Ah.

You did not come together
from the airport?

- Well, we, um, you see...

We fly together but we
never ride in the same cab.

- A family tradition.

Senor Mayor, my nephew
is writing an article

about your hardworking
city officials.

Would you happen to know
what hours they keep?

Say, like your chief of police?

- Carlos Dominguez,
hard working?

Ha, it is to laugh.

He leave the office pronto,
four o'clock, everyday.

Except this week.

Since the Aztec
box, she is found,

the jefe stay in his
office day and night

to guard it.

He does not like to do
this, but I, the mayor,

gave the orders.

Senor O'Hara, if you wish
a dinner most delicious,

you must try the
Cantina de las Flores.

(smacks lips) Magnifico!

(audience laughing)

- Well, that tears it.

Look, how are we going
to get to that box?

If that... (attempts
to speak Spanish)

If that chief is
guarding it all night?

- Hmm, all night.

Except for 15 minutes
between 7:45 and 8:00,

when he eats at the
Cantina de las Flores.

(upbeat cantina music)

(audience laughing)

- Hey, it's 7:40.

Shouldn't we be at the police
station instead of here?

- I want to be sure
the chief is here

before we leave.

- Oh.

Hm, you know, I don't
know how you do it.

You toss off those chili peppers

like they were lady fingers.

(audience laughing)

Water.

Water, water, water.

(incoherent yelling)

(audience laughing)

That's fine, thanks, thanks.

Senor Lopez.

You run this place, too?

Naturally.

I am also the best
chef in all Mexico.

- You're not a bad one-man
fire brigade, either.

Oh, you can put that
away, I'm used to these.

- Gracias.

- Mm, I'll never forget the time

that I saw Montezuma eat
20 of these at one sitting.

He almost...

(upbeat cantina music)

- Hey, you were right,
he's right on schedule.

Come on, let's go.

- We better wait
until his napkin

is safely tucked under
his chin before we leave.

- Dominguez, what
are you doing here?

You should be watching the box.

- But Senor mayor,
a man must eat.

- Eh, your stomach
is already too big.

Of course, if you
don't like your job...

- Oh, Senor mayor, do not worry.

I shall keep my eyes on
the box until tomorrow.

(audience laughing)

- Well, that's just great.

If he's going to be
watching all night,

how are we going
to get that tablet?

Uncle Martin, put
those things down.

- Put what down?

- Your antennae, they're
sticking straight
out of your head.

- Oh, nonsense.

I'd know it if my...

(audience laughing) They are up.

(audience laughing)

I don't know what's
happened, what's happened?

They won't go down.

(audience laughing)

(frantic cantina music)

- Let's go.

- But senores, you're
not finish your dinner.

- Well, amigo, we seem to
have lost our appetites.

(singing with cantina music)

- Crazy Americanos.

- I don't know why.

They won't budge.

They seem to be stuck.

- Well look, maybe if I...

Maybe if I gave them a
squirt of machine oil,

or maybe a shot of grease?

- Well I wish you'd stop talking

like a service station attendant

trying to sell a lube job.

- I'm sorry, Uncle
Martin, but...

Well, has anything like this
ever happened to you before?

- No, and I don't understand it.

I felt perfectly well.

- Yeah, well, it certainly
didn't affect your appetite.

I mean, you were packing
away those peppers

like there was no manana.

- Tim, you said it.

- Manana?

- Peppers.

I've contracted a case
of Martian pepperitis.

An extremely rare
affliction that affects

the cerebral matrix, which
controls the antennae.

- I'm surprised at you.

I mean, if you knew that
peppers were bad for you,

why'd you gulp them
down like jelly beans?

- The ailment is so rare,
it has slipped my mind.

But there is a medication.

Right now, the important
thing is to figure out

how to get into that chest.

- You're kidding.

More important than
curing yourself?

- Aren't you
forgetting something?

If somebody sees my
picture on that tablet,

everybody in town will
know I'm a martian.

- Aren't you
forgetting something?

That with those antlers
up, very few people

are going to believe
that you're a moose

that came out of the woods
looking for his moose mate.

(audience laughing)

(upbeat instrumental music)

- Tim, Tim?

(Tim grunting)

Tim, I'm afraid to look.

Are they still up there?

- Oh, well, Uncle
Martin, let's just say,

I wouldn't give back
the sombrero just yet.

(knock on door)

- Senores, you left
the restorante so
suddenly last night,

I was afraid something is wrong?

- Oh, where'd you get
an idea like that?

No, no everything is just great.

In fact, we're going
right out of our minds.

- With joy.

- Ah, I am happy.

Senor Martin, I
have seen how much

you enjoy the chili peppers.

With my compliments.

(sudden dramatic music)

(audience laughing)

Ay caramba!

The sombrero's just going up.

- Naturally.

You can't expect
a sea level head

and a 7,000 foot level hat
to stick together, can you?

(laughing loudly)

Do you realize just
one more second--

- Tim, I've got it!

The remedy for
martian pepperitis.

- Terrific-o, ole!

- It's venadium tetraphosphite.

- Oh, and I suppose
that can only be found

in some small apothecary shop,

in the southeast corner of Mars.

- I'm happy to say
it's also attainable

in our garage back home.

The casing of my cosmo gyroscope

is practically pure
venadium hyper-phos.

With luck, we'll just
make it before my ailment

becomes more acute.

- Well, great, let's go.

- Tim, I have no intention of
leaving without the tablet.

Now that my mind is relieved,
it shouldn't be too difficult

to liberate the tablet.

(adventurous instrumental music)

- Por favor, senors.

You please will not leave yet.

There's a complaint against you.

- A complaint?

- In Xochopachitica,
we do not look kindly

upon those who come to
take things from us.

- Oh, well we
haven't taken it yet.

- Well, Miguel Gonzalez,
he says difference.

He says last night
in the cantina,

you stole his sombrero.

- Uh, chief, my uncle has
grown rather fond of that hat,

and a matter of fact, he'd
be sort of lost without it.

Do you think maybe
Miguel could be induced

to part with it?

- Ah, senor.

I'm sure Miguel
would be very happy.

At this price for an old
sombrero, he can retire.

(audience laughing)

- Well, how was that
for quick thinking?

- Tim, I'm afraid
the chief is doing

a little quick
thinking of his own.

He's probably
wondering why anyone

would want to pay a hundred
pesos for a two peso hat.

(electronic whine)

- Ah. (short whistle)

(quiet instrumental music)

(knock on door)

I didn't really
ask for the serape,

but it seems that they give
one with every six sombreros.

- Perhaps you ought
to wear one, too.

It'll be less conspicuous.

- Well, alright.

(upbeat Latin
instrumental music)

Well, the chief's in his
office, how do we get him out?

- Yes.

(mysterious instrumental music)

(bell rings)

(audience laughing)

- Por favor, silencio, silencio!

Por favor!

(audience laughing)

(suspenseful instrumental music)

(exhales audibly)

- Here, put that
over there, Tim.

(suspenseful instrumental music)

Tim, this is it.

- [Tim] You sure?

- Positive.

I'd know the chiseled
strokes of Montezuma's

court sculptor, anywhere.

- Hey.

Boy, I sure hope I look
half that good in 400 years.

- The chief!

(items clanking)

(suspenseful instrumental music)

- Would you mind
explaining to me

how I'm going to explain
to him our presence.

- I have faith in
your eloquence.

You'll think of something.

Bye, now.

(audience laughing)

- The town is going loco.

Bells ringing by themselves.

I don't know, the jefe has to
always worry about the things,

I can't understand
what's going...

Senor?

What are you doing here?

- Well, that's an
excellent question.

But you've forgotten.

I'm the reporter,
and I ask questions.

- Of course.

(sudden dramatic music)

- Scrunch down, Uncle
Martin, will you?

(chuckles) Look, I came
in to interview you,

but I can see that
you're too busy,

so I'll come back another time.

- Senor, I am not busy.

- You're not?

Oh, I suppose you're wondering

why I have two hats.

- Si.

It is rather strange.

- No, no not at all.

You see, I'm very conservative.

For example, some men wear
suspenders with a belt.

I carry two hats, just
in case one blows away.

(audience laughing)

(sudden comic music)

Lovely picture.

Ix-nay Uncle-ay Artin-may.

- Ix-nay Uncle-ay Artin-may?

- Mm hm, that's Latin.

It means you have
excellent taste.

But enough about art.

I did have some questions
about the interview.

I wanted to come in and
ask you about, uh...

The handcuffs you
showed me yesterday.

- What about the handcuffs?

- Could you check
them and tell me

if they're made of stainless
steel or forged iron?

- Oh, I don't have to
check, I know they are made

of stainless steel.

- Ah.

Well, how do you pronounce
handcuffs in Spanish?

(speaks in Spanish)

Well, there's our problem.

You see, we have a lot of
Spanish readers in our paper,

and so I wouldn't
want to misspell it.

Would you mind writing
it down for me?

Go. (playful instrumental music)

Oh, while you're at it,
chief, you might also

jot down the spelling
of your name,

and of your charming
little town, here.

Thank you.

- And your...

Your second hat, she is gone.

- Second hat?

Chief, are you sure you
haven't been working too hard?

I mean, why would
anybody carry two hats?

(audience laughing)

- Maybe I am going loco, too.

- I'd like to take
this home with me,

but there's an old Aztec saying,

don't press your luck.

(mysterious instrumental music)

Now, I just
remembered something.

What made you jam that hat
down over my head like that

in the police chief's office?

I couldn't see a thing.

- You mean, you don't know?

Look, when you disappeared,
you disappeared.

But they didn't.

Now, come on, let's get
back to Los Angeles,

and get back to that
venadium stuff before the...

- Tim, Tim it's too late.

- What do you mean?

- If my antennae
don't disappear,

it means my malady has reached

the pepperitis mortitis stage.

- Pepperitis mortitis?

- Mm hm.

- What does that do to you?

No, no, no, no, don't
bother answering.

I think I'd rather not know.

(audience laughing)

(citizens chattering)

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Look, with that cop
sitting right over there,

we can't possibly do--

- Well, it doesn't
matter now, anyway, Tim.

In less than two
minutes, I'll be...

Well, look, Tim.

I want you to get
to the airport.

Go back home, and
forget you ever knew me.

- Just one minute.

In less than two minutes, what?

- I hate to tell
you, but my atoms

will lose their density, and
I'll become invisible, forever.

Except my antennae,
which will float around

in plain sight for centuries.

Tim, please go.

- No, Uncle Martin.

I'm going to stay with
you until the bitter end.

I mean, eh.

(audience laughing)

- Senores, senoras!

Mira, look!

Quetzel Itzel!

We will have good
fortune forever!

(citizens cheering)

(upbeat Latin
instrumental music)

- Can you imagine
anybody believing

that a hunk of stone
can bring good luck?

- Not stone, Tim.

The Aztecs always used
a special rare mineral

for their statues
of the bird god.

A mineral composed
almost entirely

of venadium tetraphosphite.

(audience laughing)

Tetraphosphite.

Tim, that's it!

I've still got 50 seconds!

(mysterious instrumental music)

Alright, now, quick, Tim.

There isn't a second to spare.

- Alright.

(suspenseful instrumental music)

Eureka!

- Ah, not Eureka, Tim.

Quetzal Itzel.

Are they gone?

- Yeah.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah, they're all gone.

- Good, then let's
get out of here.

(dramatic Latin
instrumental music)

- [Chief] It's not my fault if
the bird god, he flies away.

- Well, whose fault is it?

You are the jefe of
policia, you are responsible

for law and order.

Or perhaps it is time
we had a new jefe?

One who is more capable?

- [All] Si! (murmuring)

(audience laughing)

- Looks like the chief better
start reading the want ads,

and look for a new job.

Well, it serves him
right for giving us

such a hard time.

- Tim, he was merely
doing his duty.

I hate to think my coming
here has cost him his job

and made him an
object of ridicule.

- Well, there's nothing
you can do about it, now.

- Perhaps not, but I
couldn't live with myself

if I didn't try.

I wonder if I remember how
Sandy Koufax throws that curve?

(mysterious instrumental music)

- Quetzel Itzel!

The bird god has
come back to me!

(triumphant Latin
instrumental music)

- Hey, Carlos?
- Si.

- I think, I think that you
have brought good fortune

back to our people

I'm a good mayor, but you are
a jefe we can all be proud of.

(citizens murmur consent)

(horn honking)

(upbeat Latin
instrumental music)

- One moment.

We can't have the best
mayor in all Mexico

drive a taxi.

We must think of protocol.

- Yes, yes, here.

There, that's better.

Alright, to the airport, hombre,

and don't spare the cucaraches.

Horses.

(audience laughing)

(upbeat instrumental music)

(playful instrumental music)

(dramatic instrumental music)