All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S02E33.The.Martians.Fair.Hobo.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(high pitched squealing)

- This is alpha zubeck q twelve.

Arorealus calling patrol.

Come in patrol.

Come in patrol.

This is alpha zubeck q twelve.

- You're alpha zubeck q twelve?

Funny, I always called
you Uncle Martin.

(audience laughs)

- Shh, Tim, I'm
trying to contact

a Martian patrol
flight on long wave.

- A Martian patrol flight?

Do you mean that
they're near Earth?

- About 50 million miles
give or take a million.

This is the time of the year
when Martian space patrols

venture nearest Earth on
reconnaissance flights.

- Oh, well.

Well look, isn't it possible
that some peeping tom

ham radio operator
could overhear you?

- I doubt it.

Ultra high sonic
frequencies are only used

for space radio contact.

Over.

(rumbling)

- There she goes boys.

The first Martian scout.

If she gets within
5,000 miles of Mars.

Joe, switch off the
ultra high frequency

sound bad wave, will ya?

The Martian scout's program
table advises automatically

if she's on radio contact.

(beeping)

- [Radio Voice] This is
Martian scout 1 receiving.

This is Martian
scout 1 receiving.

- Tim, I made contact with them.

(audience laughs)

I've got a Martian scout.

(audience laughs)

- I don't believe it!

- Nine now zero 10 heard
programming communications

should automatically
put her in contact with

Shorty Smith and our
Australian tracking station.

And shut us off here.

- [Radio Voice]
Primary instructions
contact Shorty Smith.

Contact Shorty Smith signal out.

- Well, ours is
not to reason why.

Let's get started Tim.

- Get started?

Where?

- You heard the
Martian patrol Tim.

We've got to contact
Shorty Smith.

(audience laughs)

(beeping)

(fun instrumental music)

- No, that does it Uncle Martin.

We've covered every Smith
in the telephone book

and there's not one and
there's not one Shorty

in the batch.

- Well, then we'll just have
to start all over again Tim.

Somehow the elusive Shorty
Smith is my trip ticket

back to Mars and I shan't
rest until I find him.

- Yes, but do you
mind if we just take

a five minute break first.

I'm pooped.

(snores)

(audience laughs)

Uh buddy, would you mind
moving over a little bit

so that we could sit down?

- You a cop?

- No.

- Then maybe you have
a dispossess notice?

- No.

- No dispossess?

No cop?

How bout a dime?

You got a dime?

For a dime I can
go have breakfast

and then you can use my
bench in the meantime.

(audience laughs)

- Your bench?

This bench is public property.

- What's the beef?

I ain't part of the public
which owns this property?

(audience laughs)

- Property owner?

You're sitting here
panhandling dimes.

- Maybe I should
open up an office.

(groans)

Eh, what's the difference?

I'll be a millionaire
without your crummy dime.

(audience laughs)

Never let it be said that
Shorty Smith every groveled

for a measly 10 cents.

- [Both] Shorty Smith?

- No wonder he wasn't
listed in the telephone.

- I don't know Uncle Martin.

How's a hobo gonna help
you get back to Mars?

- I don't know but until I
receive further instructions,

we've got to hold the only
Shorty Smith available.

(audience laughs)

Uh, Mr. Smith?

- Yes?

You realize, of course, my
checking in here for a few days

doesn't mean I'm taking charity.

I don't go around
depending on other people.

- Oh, of course not Shorty.

It is merely our desire to
return your hospitality.

You gave your bench
to my weary nephew.

Now our home is your home.

(light instrumental music)

(audience laughs)

- Do you realize that
that is a self made tramp?

Now if our home is his home,

he's gonna hock
everything in it.

(sniffing)

If he doesn't
smoke us out first.

- Fear not Tim.

I've read Shorty's mind.

He may have itchy feet, but
he doesn't have itchy fingers.

He's as honest as
the day is long.

- But Uncle Martin,

it is fall and the days
are getting shorter.

(audience laughs)

- Magnificent vista.

- Oh Shorty, my nephew and I
will now go and prepare dinner.

Now why don't you go and shave
a little bit and wash up?

- Wash up?

For what?

Today's not Saturday.

(audience laughs)

- Now Shorty, you wouldn't
want to sit down to eat

with dirty hands would you?

- I should known.

You guys are two do gooders.

Okay, okay, I'll wash,
don't push, don't push.

But just up to the wrists.

No further than the wrists.

After all, I'm not gonna
eat with my elbows.

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin,

if cleanly is next to Godliness,

we have an atheist
in the bathroom.

(audience laughs)

Any word from your
far out friends?

- Not a word, not
one single word.

Well, until I reach them, we're
gonna have to keep Mr. Smith

happy and content.

- Now wait a minute
Uncle Martin, look,

as much as I would miss you,

I want you to get back to
Mars as badly as you do,

but for the life of me, I
cannot believe that that tramp

in there could help--

(sniffing)

- Hey, what's for dinner?

(audience laughs)

(sniffing)

Bouillabaisse.

Lamb a la Rudolpho.

- You recognize the recipe?

- Are you kidding?

I used to be a dishwasher
at Maxine's in Paris.

That's when Rudolpho
was the head chef.

- You were in Paris?

- Paris, Rome, Madrid.

I been around the world
a half a dozen times.

Don't cost me
nothing, I stow away.

(slurps)

Bouillabaisse needs
a little more salt.

May I?

(audience laughs)

(light instrumental music)

- Don't you ever
think of settling down

and taking a job Shorty?

Accomplishing something?

- No, I'm superstitious.

See, I don't work any
week with a Tuesday in it.

Besides, I have
accomplished something.

I'm independently poor ain't I?

(audience laughs)

Face it, you take any guy,
30, 40, 50 years he knocks

his brains out working.

For what?

So he can retire and do nothing?

I'm doing nothing already
and I didn't have to work

40 years for it.

(audience laughs)

That's it.

Where do I sack up?

- Oh, my nephew has kindly
agreed to relinquish his bed,

haven't you Tim?

- My?

I guess I have.

- And some pajamas
for our guest.

Shorty, I believe you
know the way to the bath.

- Bath?

Oh no, listen,
pajamas is one thing.

But I ain't taking no bath.

Did you know that water is
bad for the natural oils

of the skin?

Now I'm in no mood to get in
any beef with my natural oils.

You may not believe this, but
I ain't had a bath in a year.

- I believe it.

Come on Shorty, let's go.

- Go where?

- Uh, the bath.

- What bath?

- You're taking a bath.

- I don't want any bath.

- Come on.

I'll be good for you.

- Listen, I don't want--

That's the trouble
with you guys.

I give you guys a wrist
the next thing you want

is the whole body.

(audience laughs)

(door knocks)

(light instrumental music)

- Oh, Martin, I'm
so glad you're home.

I wanted to introduce
you to one of my oldest

and dearest friends
from Milwaukee.

Jenny Holbrook, Martin O'Hara.

- It's so nice to
meet you Mr. O'Hara.

- The pleasure's
all my dear lady.

One cannot come bearing
a greater recommendation

than to be a friend
of Lauralee's.

- Oh, why Martin, that's
a very sweet thing to say.

- A mere factual
statement Lauralee.

- He's okay once you
get past the wet part.

- Oh Tim, this is
Jenny Holbrook, one
of my dearest friends.

- Hello.
- How do you do?

- Miss Holbrook is going
to be staying with Lauralee

for a few days.

- It's Mrs. Holbrook Martin.

Jenny's a widow too, poor dear.

Five years.

- I hope we didn't disturb
your dinner Mr. O'Hara.

- Martin and you didn't
disturb anything dear lady.

We had just finished.

- Well, the least we could
do for barging in like this

is to help you with the dishes.

- Nonsense, I
wouldn't think of it.

You're a guest.

- Oh please.

Men shouldn't be
bothered with dishes.

It's a woman's job.

Where's your kitchen?

Oh, there it is.

(laughs)

- Oh, that's Jenny for you.

Nature's little helper.

Oh, she just loves to pitch in.

- But Lauralee--

- Aw, let her do it Martin.

It'll do her heart good.

Poor thing always wanted
to be a help to Hobart,

that was her husband,

but he treated her like
a stick of furniture,

just sit around and look pretty.

Oh, but now Jenny's
gonna travel.

Aren't you dear?

- Well, I was planning
on taking a trip

around the world this year.

- Yes and then next year
she can go some place else.

(audience laughs)

Oh, it'll do her
a world of good.

She won't be so
lonely all the time.

- Lauralee.

- Hey, I never wore
one of these before--

- Oh, we have a house
guest also Lauralee.

Mrs. Holbrook, Mrs.
Brown, this is Mr. Smith.

- Pleased to meet ya.

- Are you in town on
business Mr. Smith?

- Oh, Mr. Smith isn't working
at present time Lauralee.

He's in the middle of

traveling.

- Oh, how interesting.

Where do you travel?

- Where?

Oh, everywhere, in fact I
was just telling the boys

about Paris.

- [Both Women] Paris!

(light instrumental music)

- So I said to this
waiter in Milan, I said,

I'd like to have my
coffee without cream.

And this waiter says to
me, (foreign language).

Which means, we're
all out of cream,

you'll have to have to have
your coffee without milk.

(audience laughs)

I didn't realize I was so tired.

- Neither did I.

Maybe we better go Lauralee.

- Oh, what a shame.

I could have listened to Mr.
Smith's stories all night.

Well, there's always tomorrow.

- [Jenny] Well, goodnight!

(audience laughs)

- Breakfast sir.

(audience laughs)

- Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, put
it down over here on my lap.

I don't want to
miss this picture.

Oh, it's wild!

Man, this is really living.

- Would you care to be spoon
fed while you're watching

your television sir?

(audience laughs)

- [TV Announcer] Before we
continue with the movie,

here's the latest report
regarding Cape Kennedy's

Martian Scout missile
firing of yesterday.

Martian Scout 1, the latest
capsule launched toward Mars,

has veered off course.

Up until early this morning,
everything seemed fine.

When suddenly Shorty Smith,

at the Australian
tracking station,

announced that Martian
Scout 1 had disappeared

from his scanning screen.

We'll bring you further
reports as we receive them.

Now back to the movie.

- Shorty Smith, there's a guy
with the same name as mine!

- Shorty Smith?

Tim, I must've picked up the
rocket's communication system

on my radio and
mistaken it for--

Tim, it's moments like this
that I wish I could say

I'm only human.

(audience laughs)

- Wait a minute, I'm
not finished yet.

What's the matter--
- Yes you are.

- I'm not finished.

- Yes you are finished.

- What's going on here?

- I'm afraid you're
checking out sir.

Pleasure to pack your bags.

(audience laughs)

- Out.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Any more messages from Mars?

(audience laughs)

- Go ahead Tim, have
your little joke.

I deserve it for letting
my strong emotional desire

to return home, overshadow
my Martian reason.

I should have checked
everything out.

- Oh, come on, now stop beating
yourself into the ground.

Alright, so the
infallible Martian

is capable of making a mistake.

I like you better for it.

Shorty is gone, everything
is alright, let's forget it.

- Good.

Thanks.

(zinging)

- What is that?

- Oh, it's an idea I
picked up from one of your

television commercials.

Cleans like a charm.

I'm picking up all sorts
of vapors and gasses,

but those stogies
Shorty was smoking.

(audience laughs)

There, that should do it.

Hm, the odor of Shorty's
cigar is stronger than ever.

(light orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

Shorty, what are you doing here?

- I'll tell you
what I'm doing here.

You know, before I met you
two guys, I had a profession.

I was a successful tramp.

I didn't care where I slept,
how many baths I took,

what I ate or how I ate it.

Now, thanks to you, I can't
sleep on a park bench no more.

I notice the dirt on my hands.

I can't even sleep
with my clothes on.

Plus, none of the guys I know
have anything to do with me.

Do you know why?

They say I've got class.

They say I'm a snob.

Because of you,
I'm a ruined man.

(audience laughs)

(light instrumental music)

- You are kidding.

You can't be serious.

- Not at all Tim.

Shorty has a valid point.

We are responsible
for giving him

a taste of the better life.

- Yes, but he is just trying
to take advantage of us.

- Remember, until I found
out that I was not following

the orders of the
Martian Patrol,

I was ready to take
advantage of him.

- Okay, okay.

But does that mean that
we have to adopt him?

- I can assure you, I will
try to make his stay with us

as brief as possible.

Just as soon as I determine
a new role in life for Shorty

and launch him in it.

He has imagination and
raw but innate talent.

I've read his mind and found
that most of the stories

he's told us are pure
figments of his imagination.

- Shades of Pygmalion.

(audience laughs)

- Shakespeare was holding
the heads of Plagor's horses

when I took him in tow.

So I wouldn't utter my
disdain too loudly Tim.

You might want to interview him

when he gets the Pulitzer prize.

Here, help he get
this out of here.

(light instrumental music)

- I tell you, it's the
battle of what's the use.

I can't write the
stories I tell!

- Of course you can.

It's merely a matter
of transferring them

from oral words to print.

- But I can't spell.

- Use the dictionary.

- If I can't spell the
words, how can I look em up?

(audience laughs)

- Then misspell them.

Just put them down.

- It won't work.

- The trouble with you Shorty,

is that you have very
little faith in yourself.

- Aw come on Mr. O'Hara.

I gave up pipe dreaming
a long time ago.

Face the facts,

behind every cloud there
ain't no silver lining.

Just a heck of a
storm coming up.

(audience laughs)

- Can't you just make
him put it on paper?

Can't you just levitate
it out of his brain,

down through his arm
and out of his hand?

- Even if I use
one of my powers,

it would only be a
temporary measure.

Shorty needs something
of a more lasting nature.

Something from inside him.

- Oh, well then you
better forget it.

I'm afraid that our Knight
of the Robe has about

as much incentive as an amoeba.

(audience laughs)

- Tim, that's it!

The key to Shorty's problem.

- An amoeba?

- Of course not, incentive.

And I believe I know just
the person who could give

him the amount he
needs, Jenny Holbrook.

- You're kidding.

- Not at all.

She's a lonely woman who
desperately needs to be needed

and as you yourself
said, Shorty needs a lot.

Ergo, a perfect match.

- Well, how do you intend
to become a matchmaker?

- While you keep Lauralee
occupied downstairs tonight,

I shall switch on the projection

of my Martian
photographic memory.

In other words Tim, neither
Shorty nor Jenny will have

to wait for Shorty's book to
come out to see the picture.

(audience laughs)

- I do hope I'm not
imposing Mr. Smith,

but Mr. O'Hara thought
you'd be the perfect one

to discuss my trip with me,

having traveled
so much yourself.

- Oh well gee, I don't
think that a lady like you

would like to see a lot of
the places that I've been to.

- Oh, I'm sure I would!

The stories you tell
are so fascinating.

Tell me, have you
ever been to Rome?

- Oh sure, I've been to Rome.

- Is the Colosseum as
beautiful as they say?

- Well, it might have
been once, but gee,

the way they let it run
down is really a disgrace.

(audience laughs)

You'd be surprised, no
windows, broken walls.

All I can say is, that
those Romans and my old lady

must have had the same landlord.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Smith.

- One of the prettiest
places I've ever been to

in my whole life was Tahiti.

What a place Tahiti is!

- Go ahead Shorty, let
your imagination go.

I'm right behind you.

- Warm breezes blowing,

like when you're standing when
you're standing at a bus stop

and the bus goes right by ya.

Stars shining like
a thousand beer cans

with their labels off.

Rows of trees standing
like hotel doormen

with their palms out.

- Oh Mr. Smith, the
way you describe it,

I almost feel as though
I was there with you.

- Funny, I feel the same way.

- The only thing missing
is the song of the islands

being played in the distance.

(whizzing)

(island music)

I even hear the music now.

- Oh Jenny, you have no
idea, never being to Tahiti,

what it's like.

Oh I could see it now.

Two frogs on the same waterlilly
speaking words of love.

(frog croaks)

(audience laughs)

Ships in the harbor crying
because they're leaving

the Tahitian shores
(mouth noises).

(audience laughs)

Night birds calling
to their mates.

(bird calls)

(audience laughs)

Delicate flamingo on
the Tahitian beach.

Oh Jenny!

(audience laughs)

- Oh, you should write
travel booklets Mr. Smith.

- Call me Shorty Jenny.

But I'm really better at
telling stories about people.

- I think you'd be good
at anything Shorty.

(island music)

- Listen Jenny, I think
it's getting a little late.

- Oh yes.

Uh, that was a very
vivid description.

Perhaps you could tell me
more about it some other time.

- Oh sure, yeah, maybe I'll
even let you read about it

sometime if I ever get around
to putting it on paper.

- Oh.

(slow sad instrumental music)

Goodnight Shorty.

- Goodnight Jenny.

- Oh hello there Shorty.

How are you?

I just came up the back way?

- Is that right?

Well, that's just the way I'm
going out as soon as I can

change back into my old duds.

- But why, why?

I had the feeling everything
was going very well.

- Yeah, like a freight
high balling it smack down

the main line track
where it don't belong.

- Nonsense Shorty.

True, you switched tracks, but
you're on the right one now.

- Aw, come on Mr. O'Hara.

Let's not kid ourselves.

I'm an irresponsible nothing,
a hobo, a free roller,

not the world traveler
that she thinks I am.

Just because a guy puts on
fancy duds doesn't give him

class and respectability
and she's got it.

- You could have it
too if you work for it.

Or for Jenny.

- Thanks, but I tried
that kind of a thing

once a long time ago.

Today my motto is if at first
you don't succeed, quit.

(audience laughs)

Now I'm taking the midnight
freight out of here.

(slow orchestral music)

- I just saw Jenny.

She is smiling like she just
swallowed a banana sideways.

Listen, how is Dan cupid?

- You mean how is Dan stupid?

Shorty's leaving.

- Leaving?

- Yes, I seem to
have underestimated

Shorty's good conscience.

(spacey instrumental music)

- Well, I guess it's
time to shove off.

Thanks fellas for
the buggy ride,

it was last while it lasted.

- Martin, Tim, hurry!

It's Jenny, she's fainted!

- She's what?

- She was just standing
there and suddenly she--

- What are we standing here for?

Come on!

(pointed instrumental music)

- What did you do to Jenny?

- I merely placed her in a
state of suspended animation.

Dramatic am I not?

(light orchestral music)

- Jenny, wake up.

Wake up Jenny.

(spacey noises)

Wake up Jenny.

- Oh, what happened?

- You passed out Jenny.

You okay now?

- Oh, fine, I'm
just a little dizzy.

Shorty?

What are you dressed
like that for?

- Shorty's a hobo.

Aren't you Shorty?

- A hobo?

But you said he was your house
guest that he was retired.

- He was Larualee,
from the world.

- But I thought--

- That he could
possibly be a man

who might need someone like you?

He is.

His rushing to your
side as he did,

at the expense of revealing
his identity proved that.

- Well, he certainly couldn't
wait to come down here.

- Running from
life again Shorty?

This could be your last
chance to walk towards it.

- It wouldn't work.

(spacey music)

Goodbye Jenny.

- Wait a minute Shorty!

I believe this is yours,
your name is on it.

- Hey, hey, them's my words.

You know, those things I was
telling you about before.

- Well, I thought your
description was so lovely,

I just write it down for you.

- An excellent
collaborative effort Shorty.

They have been known
to work quite well.

- Yeah sure, of course this
isn't the way I said it exactly.

- Oh well, you could
always change it back

to the way you want.

You see, I wasn't quite
sure of the way you said it.

- Yeah, like for example, over
here I said stars all shining

like a thousand beer cans
with their labels off.

The rows of trees standing
like hotel doormen

with their palms out.

- Oh Tim, I hope you've
learned a lesson in life.

- Oh, I certainly
have Uncle Martin.

If you want to stay single,
don't wash above your wrists.

(audience laughs)

(fun instrumental music)