All language subtitles for I.Used.to.Go.Here.2020

Hello.

Hi, Kate. I have
Amy Kim and Jay Lowry for you.

- It's adorable.
- Hi, guys.

- Kate.
- Hi, Kate!

Hi!

How are you feeling
about the release?

I, uh, great.

Everyone here loves the book.

I sent it to my mom.
Did I tell you that?

- Oh!
- She loved it.

And we're all so excited
about the New York Times review.

Great.

But, listen, we got
the first numbers in today.

Unfortunately, Kate,
they are a little lower than expected.

Wait, how low?

I still think they're very
respectable, don't you, Amy?

Yes, especially
for a first-time writer.

- Uh-huh.
- But we're actually calling you

because we talked to Foxtrot this
morning and we have some bad news.

And we are 100 percent in
disagreement with this, Kate...

But they want to cancel
the book tour.

Wait, what?

Honestly, Jay, I just feel
like this is a symptom of the time.

I totally agree. This never
would have happened 10 years ago.

No. Wait, isn't the book tour supposed to promote
the book so that you can get more orders?

- This is so frustrating.
- It's the market.

It's just a very difficult
climate these days.

No one wants to spend the money
to promote.

I feel like we can point
the finger at e-books here.

E-books, yes.
Always with the e-books.

- Yeah.
- But, listen,

Amy and I think we can reopen
this conversation

if we get a good review
in the Times.

Yes, a good New York Times
review could change everything.

We've both seen it happen, Kate.

- Yeah.
- The most important thing is that

you wrote an amazing book, okay?
Now, hang in there.

We'll talk soon.

Okay. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye!

This is Michael's voicemail.

I won't listen to it,
but I'll see that you called.

Hey, Michael, um, I just wanted to give you a call

because it looks like you're still getting
some pretty important mail, uh, here

and I want to figure out
how to get it to you.

So, um, and it would just
be nice to talk to you.

So, give me a call when you get a chance.
Okay. Bye.

Oh, my gosh!

- So cute. Oh, my gosh!
- Ooh, I love it. Okay, what else?

Janessa, is this you?

All right, girls,
let's take some pictures please.

Oh, my God! Okay.

Is this good?

Ladies.

Wait, Kate get in here.

Oh, yeah. Come on, you have to.

Get... I couldn't...
I'm not pregnant.

Get in here.

To be in this picture.

- I love it.
- Okay.

All right, now turn and show me
your bump, your baby bump.

Oh, God! I can't...
No, I can't be in.

Get in here.

I know.

Look what I got.

- Yes.
- Oh, I don't...

- Open it.
- Is that your new book? I haven't even seen it.

- Look at this.
- Oh, my God!

- Cover is horrible.
- No, it's great.

Look at that.

Okay, ready?

Oh.

Smile.

Perfect.

Hey, Kate. This is a voice from
your past. It's David Kirkpatrick from IU.

It's been a long time since we chatted,
I know, uh, too long. I hope you're well.

I know your book just came out which is wonderful
by the way and I know it's last-minute,

but I'm wondering if you'd be willing
to come down to your alma mater

and do a reading.

I'd love the chance to catch up.
Give me a call back.

Miss Conklin. Miss Conklin.

It's me, Elliot Mobono.

We've been communicating
over a text message.

- I'm the graduate assistant here.
- Yes, hi, Elliot.

Welcome to Carbondale,
or I guess welcome back, right?

Because you went here, right?

- Obviously, that's why you're here.
- Yeah.

I'm here for whatever you need
this weekend,

tour guide, chauffeur,
general companionship,

and I have your itinerary
printed out right here.

Oh, great, great.

I'm a big fan of yours.

I bought your book.

I haven't read it yet,
but I will.

Oh, cool! Thanks for buying it.

I thought it would be awkward
if I didn't.

- Yeah, yeah. I guess.
- Oh, this is me.

I... I'm gonna take you to the
bed-and-breakfast first, if that's okay.

- Sure.
- Great, great.

- Oh, thank you.
- There you go.

Thank you. Oh, I got it.

- I got it. Yeah.
- You sure? Oh!

- You good?
- Yes.

Oh, man.

- That was my old house.
- Yeah?

I kinda remember this place.
Yeah?

Okay, you're here.

Come on.
I'll show you your room.

Wow, this place is perfect!

Fresh towels in the bathroom,

there's an extra blanket in case
you get cold, breakfast at 9:00 a.m.

Oh, wow! I didn't expect
there to actually be breakfast.

I'm not really
a breakfast person.

What did you think
bed-and-breakfast meant?

I thought it's more like
an Airbnb.

Here are your keys.
It's the only set you're gonna get,

so, you better wear them
around your neck.

Got it.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

I'll be back in a little bit to pick you up
for the reading, unless you want me to stay.

Oh, no. I'm fine.

- Of course. Okay.
- Thank you so much, Elliot.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hey, you're wearing
the same blazer.

Yeah.

Ready?

And here we are.

Oh, wow.

- Kate!
- I'm gonna go sit up closer.

- Hello.
- David!

Wow. Welcome back.

- It's great to see you.
- No, it's good to see you, too.

Thank you for having me. I... I was so
excited to hear you're still teaching.

Yeah, I'm still at it.

Hopefully, I'm better at this whole professor
thing than when you were in my class.

Come on, you blew everyone away
that first year.

You were this young writer who came out
of nowhere, you were so enthusiastic.

Well, I'm older now,
but thanks, Kate.

That's such a...
That's such a big compliment. Thank you.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Alexis.

Uh, oh, Kate,
this is my wife Alexis.

You have a wife!

I do.

I got one about five years ago.

Well, it is so nice to meet you.

So nice to meet you.
David talks about you all the time.

Oh, really?

No, not all the time.

Not all the time.

- Hello, everyone. We're about to get started.
- I'm gonna go find a seat.

- Please take your seats.
- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Not all the time.

My name is April Vavani.

I am this year's student editor of the
Crab Orchard Review, our literary magazine.

- Kate, let's get a drink later, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

I am so excited to welcome
you all to the last speaker...

Oh, uh...
I love this by the way.

Very cool.

Professor David Kirkpatrick
will be introducing tonight's author.

Please welcome
Professor Kirkpatrick.

Well, and everyone, a big thanks to
April for organizing this evening.

I mean, applause, yeah,
an applaud...

Tonight's author comes to us
all the way from Chicago...

- Oh, thank you.
- ...and has just published her first novel.

She also happens to be one
of my former students,

although I do seem to remember you falling
asleep during one of my lectures, Kate.

And now we have the pleasure of hearing
an excerpt from her novel, Seasons Past.

Please welcome, Kate Conklin.

Thank you.

Wow, thank you, everyone. Ugh.
It is such a pleasure to be back here

and I'm so excited to share
my book with you.

It just came out.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Um, yeah, I'm... I am pretty
proud of it, even though, I...

I don't love the cover,
um, but anyway, let's... Okay.

Let's get into it. Okay.
All right.

Um...

But this morning felt different.

The clouds seemed to be moving faster
than he had ever noticed before.

Oh, wait!
Sorry, just for context,

this is when the main character Calvin
meets his love interest Willoughby.

But this morning felt different.

The clouds seemed to be moving faster
than he had ever noticed before,

faster than he thought
maybe he'd ever seen

and the Sun was so bright that as
he walked along the familiar shore,

it felt as though he was
walking under a strobe light,

pulsing almost as often as
the cold waves licked his toes.

And just then,
as he took note of all that,

he started out toward the mossy
rock and found that it was occupied.

Yeah!

- The students adored you.
- Oh, shut up.

I will not shut up
and I will never shut up.

I was surprised they weren't
asking for autographs.

Well, a few of them did ask
for my personal emails.

Oh, wow. Your personal email
address, even better.

Alexis didn't like it.

That's not true.

She's become quite the critic
since marrying me.

Come on, it's fine,
Kate can handle it.

It's good for her.
It's good to hear criticism.

It's just... I had a hard time
connecting, is all I said.

Oh!

It's okay,
it's not for everyone.

I thought it was fantastic.

Well, on that awkward note,
I'm going to use the restroom.

- Come on, it's okay?
- No, it's okay.

I actually just have to go.

Asshole.

Well, that's just a cute
little name she has for me.

- Hmm, for when you're being an asshole?
- For when I'm being an asshole.

Yeah, so what's next for you,
Miss Conklin?

Tell me all of your plans.

Oh, well,
I'm in sort of limbo right now.

- I'm writing some.
- Good.

How's your book doing?

Um, well, not as good
as I would have hoped.

I guess the sales
are sort of low.

I cancelled my book tour.

Well, I'm glad
we got you down here then.

Yeah, me, too.

Hmm.

Listen, Kate.
I wanted to ask you something.

Um, what would you think
about teaching here?

- Teaching here?
- Teaching here.

- Teaching here.
- Mm-Hm.

We just formed a search committee
to hire someone for the fall

and I immediately
thought of you.

Uh, what?
I don't even have an MFA.

That's something I think the committee
could look past for a published alum.

It would be nice
to have you here again, Kate.

- Have a good night.
- Bye! Thanks again.

Oh, God!

Oh, shit!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

I am so sorry. I did not mean to wake
you up. I... I can't find my keys.

I did have it around my neck,
but I'm gonna be honest.

It was a little embarrassing,
so I put it in my bag and I now...

I... I will... I...
I will pay for more keys. I am so sorry.

Okay.

Hmm.

What up?

Laura, guess where I am?

- Where?
- In Carbondale.

On your book tour?

Uh, not exactly.

David Kirkpatrick
brought me down to do a reading.

Whoa, I haven't heard
about that dude in a while.

Oh, remember how he used
to be so into you.

He was not. He's married now.
Also, the point is, I'm in Carbondale.

Wow, Carbondale. That's wild.

And I'm staying at that
bed-and-breakfast on our old street.

Does it still smell like weed?

Yes.

Oh, my God, I love it here.
I forgot how cozy this place is.

Oh, my God!

I am standing right in front
of our old house.

Man, I loved that house.

We had all those like little
Tibetan prayer flags everywhere.

Actually, I'm realizing now that that was
probably some fucked up cultural appropriation...

Okay, I love you. I gotta go.
Okay, goodbye.

Okay,
send me a pic of the house.

Okay, I will. Bye, bye.

This is Michael's voicemail.

I won't listen to it,
but I'll see that you called.

Hey, Michael. It's Kate.

Uh,
I just missed a call from you.

Um, I don't know if you're calling
to get together or whatever,

but I'm actually out of town,
uh, on my book tour.

So, maybe we could get a drink
when I'm back in town.

Great, okay. So, give me a call back.
Okay, bye.

- Hey!
- Oh, hi.

S... Um, sorry.
I used to live here.

Aren't you the visiting author?

Yeah, I'm... I'm Kate. Hi. Hi.
I'm staying right across the street.

Cool, cool. Yeah. I'm Animal.

Did you want to see
the whole place?

Yes, yeah.

That's Hugo.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Kate used to live here.

- Really?
- Like 15 years ago.

Now she's like
a super successful author.

- Cool.
- Well, I wouldn't say super.

You wrote a book.

She wrote a book.

Hey, did they used to call this
the Writer's Retreat back then?

Do you guys still call it
the Writer's Retreat?

- I named it the Writer's Retreat.
- Seriously?

Yes, we were all creative
writing majors.

Man, you're like
our forefathers then.

That's Tall Brandon.

Hey.

Can I see my old room?

- I put those stars up there.
- Wow, I look at those.

Hmm, I used to look
at them, too.

Man, I feel so far away from the
person I was when I lived in this room.

I can't wait to feel far away
from this room.

I remember that feeling too.

And now you're back.

Yes. I'm back at college.

Do you know
Professor Kirkpatrick?

He's the one
who invited me here.

- I don't have him, but my girlfriend's in his class.
- Oh, yeah. He's incredible.

I mean, he's pretty much
the reason I'm a writer.

Yeah, no, everyone seems
to really like him.

Hey.

Do you still want
to get the kegs?

Tall Brandon, you want to maybe
put some clothes on?

I'm not fully dry yet.

We're having a party tonight.

We used to have
incredible parties here.

You should come.

Yeah, maybe.

Chris lunged at me
with unimaginable speed

and plunged his sword past my third arm toward...

Carry on.

...directly into my heart.

Strangely, as I began bleeding to
death in the middle of the park,

all I could think about
was whether this was the fastest

that anyone had ever died
in sword combat.

I was torn about it.

On the one hand, it didn't seem like
anyone could have ever died faster,

but then again, whenever
you think something like that,

there's always someone ready
to defy your expectation.

Oh, wow, well, much improved,
much improved.

I think I may only add one small,
small note. I think you know what it is.

I want you to chop off
the beginning.

First page, gone.

Okay, yeah.

I know it's difficult,
but we should just be in it.

Yeah, thank you.

Be in it already.

All right, so you may have
noticed that we have a visitor.

Uh, some of you were in her
reading last night

and for those of you who were
not, this is Kate Conklin.

Uh, it may interest you to know
that long ago in ancient history,

Kate was in my very first class
ever as a professor.

And I think, that year, I was younger
than you are now if you can believe it?

I can't.

I know.
It does seem unbelievable.

All right, well,
Miss Conklin is here to observe,

so, let's give her something
to observe.

Who's up next?

I'll go.

April. Fantastic.

This is called Duvet.

I imagine you stepping into this dream
wearing your own body and saying,

"What the fuck?" Like you
already know what the fuck?

I don't mean to sound crass, but where your
teeth meet my flesh is a pressure point.

I go limp
when out buying groceries,

the burning orange chicken
in your beard

smells like a pesticide
and it kills me.

Tired now, I unbutton your skin
and slip inside

where everything is white
and only I exist.

I lost a bunch of library books and I
didn't know if that would affect my grade.

That's... That's something you'll have to
talk about with the librarian, you know.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Kate, thanks for coming.
Did you enjoy it?

Oh, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, I loved it.

All right. Okay, well, it's actually my office
hour now, so I can't hang out, but, um...

Oh, yeah, of course.

But I... I was thinking, uh,
perhaps we could get dinner tomorrow, yeah?

Yes.

- Okay, right.
- Yeah, with Alexis?

Oh, uh, no.
She... She'll be out of town.

Oh.

- In Kentucky.
- Bummer!

Visiting her sister.

Cool.

- Yeah, but you and me, yeah?
- Yeah.

Thank you again for having me.

Thank you for being had.

- Sorry, inappropriate probably.
- Yeah, it's all right.

- I'm not allowed to say this kind of thing anymore.
- No.

But all right,
I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yes.
- Yeah, okay great.

Okay.

Kate Conklin?

- It's me. It's Brad.
- Brad?

Oh, my God! Bradley Cooper.

- Hi.
- Oh, you're like a man now.

Thanks. Thank...
You too. I mean, a woman, I mean.

Wow. Bradley Cooper, crazy!
It's been so long.

Yeah, I... I... I actually
just go by Brad now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So, what are you doing here?

Oh, right. Oh, I'm just in town
for a few days.

The university brought me down
to do a reading for my new book.

No ways! So, you actually
became a writer? That's so cool.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Oh, my God! What fun thing
are you doing right now?

You're never gonna fucking believe
who I'm getting drinks with.

- Who?
- Bradley Cooper.

From Smith Halls?

Yes, except for he's like
really cool now.

Do you remember
when we saw him crying?

Oh, my God! Yes.
In the Jimmy John's.

You should sneak me
a pic of him.

No, I'm not doing that.

Come on, I want to see him.

No, you always make me do that
and I always get caught.

I want to see him, Kate,
come on.

- No.
- Katie.

No, I'm not doing it.

- Katie.
- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I gotta go. I'm here.
I love you. Goodbye.

I gotta go. I love you.

I got a pitcher of beer coming. I hope
that's okay. I took the liberty of choosing.

Oh, yeah. That's fine.

Uh, sorry, this is a work thing.

I have to answer
this real quick. I'm sorry.

Oh, what was that?

Oh, God,
my phone just keeps flashing.

Oh, weird.

Yes.

I'm so glad that you came.

This is weird, but I used
to jerk off to you in college.

Really?

Yes, like you were my number
one... number one jerk off.

Wow.

Yeah, and then
when I saw you today, I just...

It all came rushing back and I was like,
"Oh, my God! I forgot about that girl."

Totally!

Sorry that took forever.

The bartender was so slow.

Oh, that's okay. Uh, do we order
food with you, or up at the bar?

Oh, no. I don't work here.

Oh, yeah. No, Kate,
this is my friend Rachel.

- She's an old friend.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, that's... It's great.

Yeah.

- So, were you already here?
- Mm-Hm.

Brad invited me.

Yeah, I thought we could all
hang out together.

Totally.

- Kate, you want to vape?
- Oh!

- It's weed.
- No, I'm... I'm good.

- Oh, come on.
- You just press the button.

- Press the button.
- Yeah.

So, what's your book you wrote?

Oh, yeah, tell us about it.

Oh, yeah, oh.

Um, so it takes place
in New England,

on this island off the coast of
Connecticut called Manchester Island

and the main character
is this guy called Calvin.

And he's really wealthy,

but he has this like really strained
relationship with his parents

because he's adopted and he's
always felt out of place, you know.

And, um, so, okay.

So, anyway, every day,
he goes for a walk

and he sits
on this really specific rock

and then one day, he goes there
and there's this woman there.

And he's never seen her before,
but she's beautiful and she's wild.

- And she's...
- Do they fuck?

They actually don't.

He loves her, of course,
but the whole thing is very restrained.

Yeah, I could go
for a little restraint.

Exactly.

So, could I, but you know,
people don't usually want that.

They want something dramatic
and exciting, bold.

But I don't think that life
is bold like it is stories.

I think real life
is just very restrained.

Oh, my God!
I'm not doing this anymore.

Get up, Meredith.

Meredith, get up.

I'm getting seriously pissed off
with you right now.

My legs are broken.

Your legs are not broken.
Get up.

Oh, God!

Fuck!

Oh, my God!

Who the fuck is that?

Write back.

Write back, you fucking asshole.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Laura, I'm at our house.

What are you doing at our house?

They're having a party.

Wait, what happened
to Bradley Cooper?

Oh, that was the worst.
Oh, my God, I'll tell you about it later.

- What's it like?
- It seems cool.

Like way cooler
than our parties.

- Oh!
- What are you doing?

Oh. Well, I guess I was peeing, but now I'm
just sitting on the toilet with my pants down.

Okay, so Michael posted a new
photo and this one is with a girl.

You have to stop looking
at his Instagram.

I know. I only look at it
when I'm sad and I texted him.

Kate!

Oh, shit!
I think he's ringing me back.

It's just my battery.
I gotta go.

Okay, well,
I probably wet my vagina now.

Call me in the morning.

She's gone.

Hey, Tall Brandon.

Oh, hey. You came to our party.

- Mm-Hm.
- This is so crazy.

Do you want some weed?

Um, do you think it's like ethical
for me to do drugs with you?

I don't know.

I used to dance in this room
like 15 years ago.

I was in kindergarten
15 years ago.

- Hey, you came.
- What?

I said, hey you came.

Hold on.

- You came.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Is it weird?

Yes, it's super weird.

- Really?
- Yeah, I'm kidding. It's fine.

No one thinks it's weird.

Trust me, it's awesome.

I mean you're like
an actual writer.

I mean, technically,
you're an actual writer, too.

Technically, yes. That's true.

April!

I'm... I'm going to go dance.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Cool party.

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

Hey, Tall Brandon.
Do you have an iPhone charger?

- What?
- Do you have an iPhone charger?

Oh, I'm a Galaxy boy.

You got to talk to Animal,
he's upstairs.

- Animal?
- Yeah, Animal.

Oh, yeah. Cool.

Animal.

Oh, no!

Did you buy more condoms?

- Good.
- Yep.

Don't rip my skirt.

Don't do it.

You got it.

Mm-Mm, good.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Help me. Help me with my shirt. Okay.
- Okay.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

What?

Wait. Go to the last one.

Hmm, that's definitely
attention-seeking behavior.

Okay,
go to the one with the girl.

I think she's just a friend.

Hold on. See if she's tagged.

Okay. Oh, she's tagged.

My God! He has a girlfriend.

Oh, I'm so pathetic.

Were you hoping you guys
would get back together?

No. Not.

Maybe. Oh, God! Oh, my God!
Maybe I was.

Breakups are hard, man.

Do you want us to walk you home?

No, I can't even get in. I lost the
key and that old lady is so mean.

I can make up a little, um,
bed on the couch if you want.

Oh!

I'll go make it. Right.

What's up?

Oh, my God!

Hey, how are you feeling?

Great.

Is it... Thank you for...

Hey, we should clean up
before we head out.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Hey, when are we leaving?

In like, 30.

- Hey.
- Hi.

You're still here.

Yeah, I... I kind of slept here.

Cool. What are you doing today?

Um, I think I'm meeting with
students later this afternoon.

Do you want to hang out before?

Emma got her roommate's car
and we're going to the lake.

Oh, my God! I've not thought
about that lake in forever.

Yeah, it'll be fun.

I think I'm gonna take a shower.

Oh, God!

- Hey.
- Hi.

Nice shirt.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey.
- Hi.

You want one?

Oh, are those drugs?

Yeah, it's a weed gummy,
but it's pretty chill.

Oh, I don't have a swimsuit
or anything.

Just wear your bra.

Um.

Sup?

Sup?

- Hey.
- Hi.

You want to come in?

Oh, man, I don't think
these gummies are working.

Yeah.

Yeah, not really doing anything.

Maybe a dud.

Mm-Hm, yeah.

Hey, I think I read something of
yours from when you were here.

- You did?
- Yeah.

The one about your brother.

You read that?

Yeah, it was really good.

Try saying that to my parents.

They hardly talked to me
after I wrote it.

Did your brother really die?

Yeah.

Was he really an asshole?

Yeah.

I wish I could write
stuff like that.

I don't know,
it didn't really pan out for me.

I think it was too sad
or something,

you know,
made people uncomfortable.

It's not really my style anymore,
you know, it's out of fashion.

Personal essay is dead.

Right.

Yeah, I think, um... I think those
gummies are starting to work.

It's like as soon as you think
you're not stoned

that's when you realize
you're definitely stoned.

Yeah, it's like your body knows
before your mind knows,

but your body is sending signals to your
mind saying, "Hey, check in on yourself."

Yeah, it's like your brain
is too stupid to catch up,

so, you feel it
before you know it.

You feel it before you know it.

Cool.

Very cool.

You're supposed to catch it. Come on.

- You want to play?
- Sure.

All right, all right.

Wow.

Hey, watch out.
Emma has a hell of an arm.

- Oh, shit!
- Ready?

- Yeah.
- We're ready. Yeah, we're ready.

Oh, schnikes!

Hey, what's going on?

April's here.

Oh, yeah. I think I saw her
at the party last night.

Yeah, we haven't seen her
in a while though.

She read a poem
in class yesterday.

Yeah, she's like the star
of the English department.

Animal thinks
she's cheating on him.

Really?

Brandon, get in the water.

Oh, I think I gotta go.

- Elliot, I'm so sorry.
- Not a problem. It was a beautiful drive.

Austin.

Austin.

Hi, excuse me.

I am looking for an Austin.

I... I don't know
about that person.

Oh, damn, I'm supposed
to have a meeting with him.

There was a guy here waiting
around earlier, but he left.

Oh, damn it.
Do you think that was Austin?

- What does he look like?
- I don't know.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Hey.

I really liked your reading
in class, by the way.

- Thanks.
- You're really lucky to have David as a professor.

He was a huge influence on me.

Yeah, he's... He's awesome.

So, do you want to talk
about your work?

Yeah, for sure,
I mean, that's why I'm here.

Okay.

Well, I think if you cut down
on the length of this one

and reformat it,
it would really help.

Plus, I would probably change
the title.

What's wrong with the title?

One-word titles aren't really
in Vogue right now.

They're seen
as kind of grandiose.

Oh, but, uh, I don't think
I want to change it.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, I already really like it.

I wrote it about something
that's really important to me.

I don't want to fuck with that,
you know.

Okay, yeah.

But that's part of being a working
writer, you gotta make a living.

I don't know. I just... I don't
love the idea of making changes

for like some random editor
in New York or whatever.

Okay, sure.

What?

No, I just think
that's a little naive.

You don't get to be difficult starting
out, especially as a woman.

You got to play the game, or
they're never gonna publish you.

Didn't your publisher just
cancel your book tour though?

How do you know that?

- Did David tell you that?
- Yeah.

Okay, obviously, I told that
to him in confidence,

but, yes,
they did just cancel my tour.

But that's more about the state of
the publishing industry than my book.

You can't just keep all your work in a
binder and never try to get it published.

I am not gonna do that.

I'm gonna start my own press.

Start your own press?

Yeah, um, I've been gathering
my friend's work and, uh...

And it'll be properly bound
and everything, obviously,

but, yeah, I wanted to know
what you thought.

Uh, yeah. It's cool.

How'd it go?

Oh, uh, it was fine.

Well, we're off to your next stop,
dinner with Professor Kirkpatrick.

What dinner?

You had me add it
to your itinerary yesterday.

Oh, yeah. Right.

This is why
I never read reviews, Kate.

I will not go near them.
I won't even look at them.

I Google sometimes and read
them... the first line in them.

No, I won't go further in.

Critics are the worst kind
of human.

They are the worst kind
of human.

- Who wrote it?
- I don't know.

Probably Nesbo.
I bet it was Nesbo.

That asshole.

You know there was an email
circulating a few years back,

they had a story
that he wrote in his 20s.

What a piece of shit!

I'll send that to you.
That'll make you feel better.

It'll make you feel
like a genius.

What did your publisher say?

He didn't say anything.

Cowards!

Publishers are just as bad
and you'll find that to be true.

This is exactly the reason I'm
gonna self-publish my next novel.

You and I are so similar, Kate.

That's why it'd be great if you
came and toured next year.

Would it?

Yes, and if you plan it the way
I do, it's not a hard job.

Most of the students don't have a
future in writing, let's be honest,

but the few who do, I mean, you
heard April reading in class.

- You saw how good she was.
- Yes, she's very good.

Well, actually that reminds me,
uh, I should get going.

I promised I'd help her
with her portfolio tonight so.

Hey, chin up.

- Oh, look who it is.
- Sorry, I don't have time for it.

I wasn't sure
you were coming back.

Of course, I was coming back.

All my stuff is here and I had to find another
place to sleep last night by the way.

If it was important for you
to sleep here,

you would have arrived
at a decent hour.

I should be able to arrive whenever I
want because that's how hotels work.

Well, this is not a hotel,
young lady.

This is my home and when you're in my
home, you live under my rules.

Just give me another key.

No more keys.

Oh, my God! Jesus.

Fine.

Hi.

I snuck out.

Oh.

Yeah, she was just like only into herself.
She never cared about him.

Yeah, she sucks.

So, why'd she break up with him?

- She's banging another dude.
- Shh!

She basically admitted to it.

I think I know who it is.

Kirkpatrick?

Yeah.

God, I've always known
that guy was a creep.

He gave me a C in freshman comp.

- Hmm.
- Yeah, I don't trust him.

Also, isn't he married?

- Yes, he is. I just met his wife.
- See!

You should write an article
about him.

Expose his ass.

Yeah, maybe I should.

Oh, come on.
You don't have any proof.

- He's meeting with her tonight. He told me so.
- Really?

- I wonder where.
- I know where he lives.

Should we go over there?

We can just go see if her car
is there or something.

- And then what?
- Then we'll know.

Can you get Chloe's car again?

Oh, shit, no.
She's using it tonight.

I think I know someone
who can drive.

Hey, guys.

Where are we off to?

Right here.

- Great.
- You know the exact address?

It's my mom's house.
He lives behind her.

Oh, crazy.

Brandon, what are you doing?

I'm fucking come prepared, man.

Dude, take off the ski mask.

No way.

Thanks for coming, Elliot. I'm glad
I caught you before you went to bed.

Oh, I was already sleeping.
I took an Ambien, so I was out.

You're on Ambien right now? Are you
sure you're not too tired to drive?

Oh, yeah. No problem.
I'll sleep when I'm dead. Am I right?

All right.

Okay, it's that one.

Right into that... stop there.

Hold on, hold on.
Someone's parking.

Elliot, turn off your lights.

Is that him?

- It's totally him.
- He's got someone with him.

- Should I take a picture?
- No, Brandon, stop.

Oh, my God! Is that April?

I can't tell.

I can't really see her.

You said your mom lives
right behind him, right?

Think we could see anything
from the back?

Probably.

So, drive?

Yes, Elliot. Drive.

Wait, I thought
you were from St. Louis.

I am. My mom moved here
after my parents got divorced.

Why?

I don't know. Maybe she just
wanted to be close to me.

Well, how come
you never see her then?

I don't know, man. I don't always feel
like hanging out with my mom all the time.

- Why?
- Hey, that's... That's it right there.

No, no, no. Not really close to
the street. I don't want her to see us.

Jeez, man. Get a handle
on your relationship.

Shut the fuck up, Brandon.

- Just saying.
- Okay.

This is good.

- Let's go.
- Okay, all right.

Elliot, I think you should
stay here with the car

and I'll call you
if anything goes down.

- Okay?
- Okay.

I might take a small nap.

Okay.

Brandon, would you take off
the ski mask?

No, I like it.

- Would you...
- Come on, that's mine.

Why would you bring this anyway?
We all have cameras on our phones.

Are you kidding me? Do you think anyone
believes anything taken digital anymore?

This offers analog proof.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God! Why did he do that?

It's... It...
It's motion activated.

Okay.

Tall Brandon,
you're so adorable.

Okay, well, shut up.

- That's a really tall fence.
- It was a lot shorter in my mind.

Come on, boost me over.

Animal, be careful.

Brandon, calm down.

I feel he's going to hurt
his hands.

I got it.

Kate, you ready?

Guys, I don't know.

- I'm doing it. I'm doing it.
- Okay, just drop.

You got this.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, here I come.

I got a real bad feeling
about this.

- Oh, shit! Someone's coming.
- Brandon, come on.

Come on.

I think that was
my first time climbing a fence.

You've got it man.

Good job, Hugo.

Is someone out here?

Fuck, man. It's my mom.

Wait, what about Tall Brandon?

Oh, my God!

There's no one to boost me over.

Hello.

This was very poorly planned.
I feel totally abandoned right now.

Hey, man. We gotta go.

- Hey, you can be our lookout, okay?
- Yeah, let's go.

Okay.

I know you're out here.

You better show yourself
or I am calling the police.

- Should we talk about a plan?
- Ooh, that's a great idea.

Okay, I feel like we should figure
out if it's April first, right?

Yes.

I really feel like
it's her though.

- I really feel like it's her, too.
- I know.

- But we have to be sure.
- Okay.

Down, down, down.

Let's go.

So, you're Hugo's friend?

I am. Yes.

Actually, we're more, uh,
roommates than friends, I would say.

And you thought
he would be here.

I mean, in... In my house?

In... my backyard?

Honestly, I just can't think
of a good lie here.

You want to see something.

Yeah.

A lot of people
just have the stickers.

If we hear an alarm,
we'll just run away.

Okay.

All right?

This is starting to feel
fucking weird.

We're in this dude's house.

It's fine.

Tall Brandon's our lookout now.

If anything goes wrong, we'll...
We'll call him.

This is the craziest shit
I've ever seen.

Well, wait, wait. Hold on.
Here it comes.

Watch the guy in the middle.

Watch that.

- He's going to do it again.
- I can't stand it.

I can't.

Oh, my God!

Wait, wait. Let me see
another one of these things.

This floor is fucking squeaky.

- There's music upstairs.
- We got to go up there.

We should all go up.

What are we going
to do up there?

Tall Brandon's right
about the photo.

Kate, come on.

Shh, shh, shh! Wait.

Wait, just wait.

Let's go.

Come on. Let's go, let's go.

Should we go in there?

What are we supposed to do
when we go in there?

I don't know
how to work this thing.

Oh, you just press the button.

Just... just press the button,
Animal, right there.

- Where's the button?
- It's right there.

It's right there.

Oh, no, no, no.

Z

- What the fuck? Get out of here. Who are you?
- What the hell is this?

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- Who is this?
- It's my boyfriend.

What? Jesus Christ.

What the hell, Kate?

Kate, what are you doing here?

Oh, wow!

I'm sorry.

- Stop doing that.
- Come on, man.

And Hugo.

Chamomile.

- It's Emma, isn't it?
- Yeah.

- Peppermint.
- Thank you.

April, here you go,
another peppermint.

Kate, can I speak with you for a
moment, please, in the other room?

Excuse me.

What the hell is going on?

Can you please explain to me
what you're doing?

Why don't you tell me
what the hell you're doing?

I can't believe
I walked in on that.

Walked in? You broke in.
You broke into my house.

And as for what I was doing, honestly,
that's none of your business.

Well, what about your wife? Is it
her business? You are married, David.

Alexis and I
have an understanding.

Oh, is that why you waited until she
was in Kentucky visiting her sister

before inviting a student
into your bed?

Yes, because she's not
in Kentucky visiting her sister.

She's in Kentucky
fucking her ex-husband.

Well, that sounds complicated.

It is.

Well, I... I guess you care about
policy less than you used to.

Hmm?

My senior year.
I came over to your house for a reading

and I tried to kiss you

and then you just quoted
the faculty handbook.

Oh, yeah, right.

Well, I was a new hire.

I don't know.
It just... it felt uneven.

Well, what about April?

If there's anything uneven in my relationship
with April, it's the other way around.

- Believe me, she's...
- Oh, fuck off.

All right, I may have had a...
A minor lapse in professional judgment,

but I don't want this
to affect you and me, Kate.

You... Your friendship
means the world to me.

Did you even read my book?

Of course.

David, I saw it on your shelf.

It looks like no one
even cracked it open.

I have another copy in my office.
That's just a hard copy.

That sounds like a lie.

All right, I don't have time to read every
fucking thing, everybody I know writes, okay?

I have student work to read
on a constant basis.

It's never-ending, honestly,
and I'm busy.

Okay, you're a dick.

- Come on.
- No, I get it now. You're a dick.

Katie, I'm sorry
I didn't read your book.

I will... I will get to it,
but I was there during your reading

and I thought
it sounded so good.

The... you know, Willoughby
and the incident on the rock,

very strong, clear imagery.

Shut up.

Though I... I would still like to recommend
you for the position here next year.

I would love to work with you.

Thanks, but I don't think so.

Okay.

Shit, we forgot
about Tall Brandon.

Oh, my God!
It's looking so good.

Should we take it out?

- Do you think it's time?
- I do.

Okay.

Don't fall.

Don't fall.

Don't fall.

Oh...

It happens.

We can still eat it,
though, right?

- Of course.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

He's not answering.

Maybe he went home.

He's asleep.

Elliot.

Where's he going?

I don't know.

Sorry.

Sorry, everyone.

It's okay, Elliot.
You can just, um, take us home.

Tall Brandon, did you go home?
Where are you?

Nowhere.

Tell me where you are,
Tall Brandon.

I'm where you left me.

Get your ass out front.

I think I have to go.

It's a shame.

I know.

I had such a fun time.

Well, you'll just have
to come back.

Can I?

Mm-Hm.

I'm Jen, by the way.

Brandon, just Brandon.

Hey!

I just had the greatest night
of my life.

Going in?

Yeah. I think
I'm on the couch again tonight.

No, no, you can sleep on my bed.
I'll take the couch.

Oh, no.
No, you don't have to do that.

Well, technically,
it is your room.

Technically, that's true.

All right,
so you're taking your room.

Wow, thank you.

- Here you go.
- Oh.

Thanks.

She loved those photos.

I'm sorry.

What happened with you?

Your boyfriend?

You mean my fiancé?

Fiancé?

- Damn.
- Yeah.

Nothing happened.

I mean, nothing dramatic. I mean, I just...
No, I didn't want to marry him.

And I knew it
when he proposed to me.

And I knew it
when I told my parents

and when we picked out
the caterer and deejay

and all that stuff.

And I was just, you know,

too much of a coward
to do anything about it.

So, finally he broke up with me.

And now he's with someone else.

She seems great, so that's nice.

And my book is doing so bad

and the one person who told me that he
liked it, didn't even fucking read it.

You know that story of yours that
I said I read about your brother?

Let me guess,
you didn't read it?

I read it
and it was really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was.

And it was really fucking sad.

Yeah, it was.

Can I play you a song?

Mm-Hm.

You know, I've been thinking,

just because a connection
with a person

doesn't last forever

doesn't mean it's not real.

- You know.
- Mm-Hm.

Yeah, I think that's true.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you sleep here?

- Is that Hugo's shirt?
- Um, um...

Oh, my God!

I can't believe this.

- You are such a hypocrite.
- Well... I... I don't...

You know how embarrassing
that was for me last night?

It was humiliating.

And now you're doing
like the same fucking thing.

Well, it's not exactly the same
thing, but it is a very similar thing.

God! You know what really sucks?

I was really looking forward to
meeting you and you weren't even nice.

And your book, you know what,
your book is just...

I know my book sucks.

All right? I know.

How do you think that feels?

I didn't want to write
a shitty book.

- Then why did you?
- I don't know.

I'm not good enough to write a
good book, I guess, or I was...

Life is not like school,
all right.

It's not like a safe place to try
things out and I was afraid to fail.

And then I did fail.

And now I feel
pretty fucking stupid.

But I'm sorry I wasn't more
encouraging when we met because I...

I think I'm just jealous of you.

What?

It's all like possibility for
you and I've already fucked up.

I know I'm probably the last
person you ever want to see,

but if there's anything
I can ever do to help you...

Thanks.

- Checking out?
- Uh, no.

I, uh, I was just hoping
for some breakfast.

Oh!

This looks amazing.

- Coffee?
- Yes, please.

Thank you so much.

Mm.

Hey, I'm sorry
I missed your calls.

It's been like a crazy 24 hours.

Hey, that's okay.

Are you alright?

Well, I mean, I don't know.
I guess I'm like in labor.

What? Already?
Isn't this like really early?

Yeah, three weeks, um,
but they think it's okay.

Ugh, they told me not to come in
until my contractions get worse, so...

- Where's Matt?
- He's still in fucking Belgium.

Oh, my God, Laura. Okay.
Oh, how about your mom?

She's coming, but she really
stresses me out, Kate.

Fuck. I know she does.

Okay, I can come straight there
if you want me to.

Yeah, I really want you to.

Okay, I will see you
in approximately six hours.

Fuck, that sounds like
a really long time.

This is what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna call you back
in 20 minutes, okay?

- Okay.
- I love you.

I love you, too.

You squeeze
that cervix shut, okay?

Okay, I'll try.

Hey, don't let the baby out.
I love you. Bye.

Good morning.

Ready to head out?

By the way, I read your book.

- You did?
- Yep, it's great.

I love Willoughby. So feisty.

Yeah.

How do you feel about it?

What do you mean?

You know, now that it's out.
All the hoopla's over.

What do you think?

I think... it could be better.