All language subtitles for Chewing.Gum.S02E06_English

So, what-- What happened?

I was playing Ludo on your laptop
and I fell asleep.

And when I woke up, the stuff was gone!

Ryan, his name was Ryan!

So, after you lost your virginity
you started playing Ludo?

Yes, but that has nothing to do with the
crime committed against this household.

So, please, don’t tell Mummy.

Yes, but why would you play Ludo
after you lost your virginity?

I lost my virginity before you, Tracey!
Guess, guess, guess!

Wow! Okay.

We can’t change it,
so stop being angry at me for it.

-I’m surprised too.
-Uh... I’m not surprised.

Nah, I’m not surprised at all, mate.

Look, you can’t be surprised
by nothing these days, you know?

-And you’re not angry with me?
-No!

Phew!

There is no anger, there's no surprise.

Shocking, shocking!
This girl lost her virginity before me!

I, meanwhile,
have been hustling from day.

I had the boyfriend.
I had the parties.

I had the threesomes.
I had the drugs.

Had everything.
Yet, I sit here before you,

ladies and gentlemen,
with a fully working hymen.

My hymen,
is like Charmin Ultra tissue paper.

It won’t tear.

Nah, my body is like
a phone in a silicon case.

No matter what I do, I cannot smash.

Meanwhile, this utter fool,
who spends all her days playing Ludo,

took a little trip round
the corner from the estate.

A guy takes her home

and retrieves the V
from her thighs just like that.

So, I, yeah,
have decided to take a different approach.

-Last week--
-I mean, this is really bad.

Most unfortunate. I don’t have cash.

In all these years,
have I ever asked you for a single penny?

Do I grow money in my garden?

Hey, you have garden. How civilized!

-Woman open her mouth, it's cash.
-My children are in poverty.

Woman, I don’t want hassle.

Okay, your father is leaving now.
Say bye-bye.

-Bye.
-Goodbye, Father.

[Tracey] See ya next Christmas.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's my dad.
No big story. He's a nice guy.

Little bit "What's he there for?"
sort of thing, but that's it.

[theme music plays]

So, there really is
nothing left in my life.

Why are you saying that?
We’re here.

Matter of time.
Someone broke into our home

and shattered the cocoon
I built around you.

Now you see the evil the world is,
I don’t know what’s to become of you.

And without my church, I am nothing.

As for you,
you’ll be in campus somewhere far away,

now that you’ve joined
your little night school.

It’s a book club!
Oh, yeah, I joined a book club, innit.

I’m tired.

Mm! Mummy.

Oh, sorry, was you looking for run?
I thought you was looking for death!

Connor, this flat is so fancy.

Emma! I need to find a
man version of you, yeah?

Oh, thanks, Trace, I think.

I love your hair.

-Ooh!
-Careful.

Sorry, Trace.

Maybe a few more dinners
and I’ll earn the privilege.

-Maybe.
-Two more dinners and a threesome.

[laughing]

I’m not ready for those kinda jokes.

[chuckles]

Emma, where d’you get
all the money for this?

Emma works for the borough.

What, being a human coffee machine for
tower hamlets ain’t gonna buy you this.

[chuckles]
I’m not the tea boy, I’m management.

Oh, at our age, yeah?

Emma, let me like you in my own time,
yeah? Don’t rush things with lies.

[laughing]

Aw, no, I’m--
I'm not "our age", I’m 45.

And you already knew that?

Yeah, I mean, it’d be different if he was,
like, 18, but, you know, he’s not, so...

[chuckles] It’s not illegal.

"Lowly I wandered into the kitchen.

The smell, the misty air borne
from the rising steam of the rice

boiling from Penelope’s pink
and purple patterned pot--"

-Tracey!
-Sorry.

I’m tryin' to think!
It’s a complicated situation!

I can’t read in my head, I fall asleep.

-So, what's it about?
-I don’t actually know.

The minute I read the next line,

I forget what the line
that I just read was.

Leish, tell me again!

Okay, was it Dean,
326 followers on Twitter?

Also an up-and-coming MC.

Travelle, now at uni,
not on Instagram or Twitter at all.

Jaquan, 2098 followers on Instagram.

All three have confirmed they
might be your baby daddy.

All three likin’ the idea
of a mixed-race kid.

You loved up Dean.
Dean’s probably the father.

Kris, I could pop this out right now
just to whack you over the head with it.

I was doin’ the shag with
two other black guys at the same time!

-I’m just sayin’!
-What's loving Dean gonna do?

Make his sperm beef all the other sperm
to back up off my ovaries?

-I apologize.
-[sucks teeth]

Karly, why don’t you just take a DNA test?

They cost an arm,
or in your case, an implant.

Maybe you could go on Jeremy Kyle.

I ain’t going on fuckin’ Jeremy Kyle!

Do I look like I'd go
on Jeremy fuckin’ Kyle?

Don’t worry, Karly.
What’s that quote?

-"Whatever’s done in darkness--"
-Ooh, "comes to light!"

Yeah, my mum says that!

And remember, at the christening,
I want you all wearing white.

Tracey’s Mum is devoid of a church.
We need to rethink this baptism shit.

Well, let’s just go to a different priest.

So far, none in the borough
is willing to take responsibility

-for the baptism of your babies.
-Who’s dippin’ it?

Tracey, help her and help me, please.

Oh, I’m sorry, I got Book Club.

[groans] You lot, take five.

Anything on your mind?

Yeah, when the fuck are these lot

gonna get out my house
so we can have some fun.

[chuckling]

Right, I gotta go.

So, this week we read the second chapter
of Kevin Morosky’s Musings Of.

-This was insane.
-Insane!

-Like, insane.
-Insane.

What got me was the-- I mean,

-totally unreserved--
-Unreserved.

...vulnerability in the way

-he described his grandmother's carpet.
-Described.

The carpet.
Oh, my God, the grandma as well.

-[chuckles]
-I mean--

-I mean, I mean--
-I disagree.

What?

I just don’t think it's some of his
best work, that’s all I’m saying.

-It’s not his best.
-Remi, you can’t...

He abandoned all sense of power,

power that’s inherent
to him as the author.

And then gave said power
and trust to the reader.

-Power to the reader!
-Yes, exactly.

-The trust.
-The trust. The trust.

The section with the broken table?

[chuckles] Yeah!

I don’t know what these
people are talking about.

-Do you know what they’re talking about?
-My God, what was it?

-Um...
-"The table wobbled..."

-[all] "Therefore it was broken."
-"Broken!"

-[laughs]
-Tracey.

What, Miss? Everybody was laughing,
why are you shoutin’ at me?

I just wondered what your thoughts were.

Oh.

Mine?

Or hers? H-- Hers?

Don’t interrupt me. [laughs]
Let me say my piece, 'cause...

Tracey, did you read the chapter?

Did I read the...

Rule number two,
if you don’t read, don’t reach.

Wow!

Why am I here like a flower trying to
bloom and you're just raining on me?

Rain is actually what
causes flowers to bloom.

It’s called photosynthesis.

It's called photo-shut-up! [gasps]

[whispers] Shut up.

Tracey, my hands are full with lecturing,
otherwise I’d gladly read it with you.

Sounds like a paedophile’s
favourite rat trap.

'Cause women can be paedophiles too.

See, even your word play is interesting.

No, there’s just rats on my estate.

There’s rats, there’s people,
there’s pigeons, penguins.

-Penguins?
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Penguins are like people
from the council, police,

there’s other different
kind of breeds of penguin,

but I don’t really know what they do.
But just like penguins they don’t talk,

they wear black and white,
and they just walk,

round the estate, same time,
twice a day, Monday to Friday.

I don’t know what they do, but I think
it’s got something to do with, like,

the new buildings they put
up around Pensbourne estate.

You carry much intrigue.

Get yourself a reading
buddy from the group.

-Please, Tracey.
-Where does this one live?

So, I was thinking we could do a joint
engagement baptism party with Karly Raven.

Well, we don’t even know if
they’re having a party yet.

She had a party the last three times.

Okay, whatever, what do you wanna do?

I love you,
I just want to do what you want.

Aw! Now you just sound a soppy kid.

You sound like every guy
I ever broke up with in primary school.

Oh, you was breaking hearts
from early like that, yeah?

Don’t watch me, long hair, light skin,
no pimples, you get me?

Night, babe.

-Cand?
-Yeah?

There’s nothing you wanna tell me,
is there? There's nothing on your mind?

No, why?

-Just checking in.
-Well, you need to check out,

because that morning breath’s
already checking in.

[hip hop music plays]

So, I didn’t know you were coming round.

-Yeah.
-Nor did I, really.

I ain’t read it.

-What?
-Just some extra credit for the CV.

But... you chat.

How do you chat about
a book you ain’t read?

It’s very simple.
You just talk about how shit the book is.

Disagree with everyone else’s point,
passionately.

Right, well,
I’ll remember to do that next time.

[chuckles] Now you learning.
Yeah, when you lie, you’re so bait.

Uh, I'm s-- What?

[chuckles] It’s a compliment.
If you were any good at lying,

you wouldn’t be fiddling
with my bedsheets,

and I wouldn’t know how happy you would be
if I fucked you into 'em.

-Tracey?
-I'm...

Ooh.

Um, I'm-- I’m a virgin.

Oh, that's cool,
we can just have a little play.

Oh, no, no, no,
we’re definitely having sex.

I’m just saying I can’t do tricks,
you know?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Can we do it like this, yeah?

Where, like, I’m holding onto you
like we're on a magic carpet ride.

I mean, we could, but my dick can’t...

What, it can’t stretch back or round or...

-Nah.
-Oh.

Look...

Why don’t we do it like this?
Come on.

Ooh, yeah, okay.
You can thrust.

I’ve prepared a song, may I sing it?

♪ He’s entering my dome
What will he find? ♪

♪ It’s a world of adventure
It’s a world of adventure ♪

♪ Will I smile? Will I scorn?
Now my hymen has been torn ♪

♪ Dry like a desert or wet like rain?
What will he do to my membrane? ♪

♪ "I don’t want this moment to be over,"
Said my vulva ♪

♪ It’s a world of adventure ♪

Wow.
Well, that's the end of that chapter then.

I mean, what do I do now?

I want to cry,
but I know it’s not really the t--

[sobbing]

-Are you-- Are you okay?
-I’m so sorry.

It’s just a bit overwhelming,
d'you know what I mean?

-Shall I stop?
-Oh, no, carry on, carry on.

-Sorry, come on, yeah?
-[both laugh]

Thank you.

Thanks for taking the time, you know,
to talk to me through all this.

I feel, I dunno, I feel safe, you know?

Get it, get it, get it, get it, get that.

Whoa, maybe a little gentler. Whoa!

Why? Why did you take it away?
Where did it go?

Trace, you’re the girl,
you can just lie still.

Why you always doin’ the most?

Sorry.
Can we carry on, please?

[chuckling]

-[door closes]
-[brother] Remi, you in?

Ah, my big bro’s home.

[Tracey] So?

So, he’s the kinda
guy to bust open a door

while Snapchatting and next thing you know
your arse is all over his class.

He’s a very naughty teacher, isn’t he?
To show that to all the boys at school.

He is one of the boys at school.

But he-- He’s your big brother?

[chuckles] Yeah.

"Whatever’s done in darkness...

always comes to light."

[police siren chirps]

Bye-bye, keys. Bye.

Kar, your water's broken.

Oh, yeah, I thought I felt something.

Come on.

-Morning, baby.
-What the fuck?

Aaron, look at my...

Aaron?

[sobs] You got off with my dad.

But you knew that.

Yeah, but what does "get off" mean?

Please, please,
answer me that question, please?

-Baby, I told you.
-The dry hump?

-The daddy dry hump?
-Yeah.

You don't need a condom
to dry hump, Candice!

You want an angry Aaron?
You want a good for nothin' dog?

[barks] He’s here!

-You cunt.
-It’s your cunt I’m worried about.

You gonna get off with my grandpa too?

-Are you fuckin' serious?
-I wouldn’t put it past you.

-Your granddad’s dead.
-Oh, so you have thought about it.

D'you know what?
All right, cool, we’re done, it’s over.

-What the fuck are you still doing here?
-Have a look around, babe.

I’ve already moved my stuff out,
I’m done with you.

You’re like--
You're like jerk chicken that's gone bad.

Yeah, you look great,
but you’re fucking poisonous.

Look at you, you little pup.
You're a spineless, toothless, pup.

So, you broke a few make up brushes?
Woo-hoo.

-Is that the best you got?
-I should have cut your fuckin hair off.

Cut my hair?

You couldn’t cut a fucking
flower from the grass.

-I’m strong.
-Yeah?

All right, cool.

Go on. Cut my hair.

Go on, it’s right there for ya.
Snip, snip, snip.

[sobbing]

Ah, I thought so.
Come on. Dickhead.

For the record, I'd like to state that I
do not need or want a lawyer present,

I know what I done.

-Okay.
-Okay.

So, you’d like to report...?

Sex with someone under the age.

And you are the victim?

I did it, I confess, I confess. [sobs]

You had sexual relations
with an underage person?

A boy. But I didn’t know,
I-- I didn’t groom him.

-I did not groom him!
-We’re not recording.

-Okay.
-Okay, Tracey.

What I’ll need you to do
is talk me through the events slowly,

starting from when you first met.

Okay. His name is Remi Hartland,
and we met at Book Club.

He’s very muscular and he seemed older.

You know, I don’t know what they’re
pumping into the school meals these days,

but the children are very muscular.

It’s-- It’s quite confusing for me,
because I was the virgin, you know?

I... I was the virgin!

-[officer] There’s no recorder.
-Really?

Anyway, at his house, yeah?
I went to his house.

After the sex, that’s when he told me.

I swear to you, it was after,
that’s when he told me he was 16.

He told you he was 16,
so, how old was he really?

He was 16 and three days.

He was 16?

He was-- Look, this is why
you need to record the thing.

How many times do you
want me to confess it? Five, six times?

Having sexual relations
with a 16-year-old is legal.

I had sex with a 16-year-old. [sobs]

What you did is not illegal.
Wasting police time is.

"Please ask an officer if you need a..."
May I have a drink?

-No.
-No?

You know, I love--
I love what you guys do for this country.

[laughs]
You lost your virginity to a 16-year-old?

-Oh, it’s not funny.
-Oh, but 16? Jesus Christ!

Look, he don’t look 16.

Fair enough,
like, Emma don’t look 40 something.

No, that’s different, 'cause she’s nasty.

What are you?
You just had sex with a 16-year-old.

I didn’t know!

[exhales]
That’s more embarrassing

than having a naked
photo shoot with a dog.

Right, that’s it.
Say one more word and I’m gonna break it.

That’s definitely worse
than having your PJs on

and sitting on someone’s face
after barely a conversation.

Right, it’s not as bad as your poetry.

It is, it is, you’ve topped it.
You’ve gone and fucking topped it.

Right, that’s it, th...

-[door closes]
-[Emma] Perfect.

-[thud]
-[glass breaking]

Sticky toffee time!

[laughs] Thank God!

"Because a pillow’s
not just to rest on..."

[all] "It’s to sleep on."

[laughing]

Tracey?

I haven’t read it.

And I’m not embarrassed.

I have made worse errors
in the past 24 hours alone.

I haven’t been taught to read

the way you lot have
been taught to read, yeah?

I don’t have that in me,
so, no, I can’t read the book,

because I don’t want to read the book.

I’d rather be living my life
with my friends.

You know, doing things I like.
Not reading about carpets and pillows.

If I want to read about carpets
and pillows,

I'll pick up an Ikea catalogue.
Can I go?

I’m just gonna...

Tracey!

[groans] No-- You--

I’m sorry! I’m mature,
I even smoked crack one time.

Oh!

[indistinct chatter]

Shit!

Let’s see the damage.

Shit!
I thought you only fucked black guys?

There was a guy at Visions, Eddie.

I fucked Eddie in the photo booth.

[sucks teeth] Shut it!

Wastin' my fuckin' time.

[cheering]

[Candice]
Look what he did to my make-up.

I can’t go out.

What do you mean?

-Look at me.
-What are you talkin' about?

[sobs] Tracey look at my hair, my face.

You’re the most beautiful
girl in the world.

There’s nothing that can change that.

Tracey, my fuckin' hair's gone!

It’s just hair.

Cand.

It’s just hair.

No matter what all this is,
I got you and you got me.

That's what's beautiful, innit?

Right, come on.

Candice, you have to start
folding your clothes. Really, really.

[indistinct chatter]

Ay, come on, Karly,
what’s your mother instinct saying to you?

[whispers]
Trace, she ain’t even fuckin’ mixed.

[Travelle] Which one of us is it?

It’s none of ya.

My baby’s got 20 fuckin’ dads
sitting round this square right now.

Twenty mums and all.

I've got mates taking care of me.

There’s nothing I want
that I don’t already ‘ave.

Kristy, we’re all right?

Course we are.

Well then, fuckin’ drink.

[dance music plays]

Really?

-All right, I just wanna say...
-Boo!

That’s not funny,
because we are really not on those terms.

I just wanna say, congratulations, Karly.

You are knocking them babies out

year after year after
year and we welcome them.

They are the next
generation of Pensbourners

-and we’re already proud of ‘em.
-[cheering]

Yeah, yeah, right, we’re a mixed bunch,

but we stick together,
like chewing gum on concrete.

Even if this whole
estate got knocked down,

it don’t matter, because you're my home.
We are home for each other.

And I love all of ya’.
I love... Uh... Yeah, I do.

Baby Caramelle, God bless ya.

I don’t think he will,
she ain’t been dipped.

Mum, Karly needs someone
to baptize baby Caramelle.

If anyone can do it, you can.
You don’t need a church.

[kids screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

House keys, please?

I’ve replaced all your stuff.

Wow, wow, wow.
Thank you. Thank you, Dad.

Thank you, Alex.
It looks so much like my stuff.

How did you pay?

Was very discounted.

My step-son runs
a second-hand furniture shop.

Come and meet him. Ryan? Ryan?

[squeals] Step-brother.

Hi, Ryan, I’m Tracey, your sister.
And this is my mum, Joy, Auntie Joy.

Lovely to meet you, but we have to...

No, no, you carry on, we’ll set up.

Bye, bro. Thanks, Dad.

It's time. Come forward.

Gather round.

May almighty God,
who has given us a new birth

in water and holy spirit,

generously bless all who
are his faithful children.

May we always be his people,

and may God bless all those
here present with his peace.

[all] Amen.

Amen.

[theme music plays]