All language subtitles for tacoma.fd.s02e09.uncensored.1080p.webrip.x264-oath-eng

- What in the hell is this?

- I don't know.
I can't see anything.

[siren blares,
upbeat dance music plays]

- I hope you bitches brought

more Jell-O shots.

[laughter, cheering]

- Ma'am, what's the smoke from?

- I think found the culprit.

These penis cookies were left
in the oven too long.

- There's no such thing
as too long.

[laughter and cheering]

- All right,
let's air this place out.

- I got this one, Cap.

- Okay.
- Hello.

Are you my stripper?

- I prefer the term
"exotic dancer."

- Hey, Ike, I think she thinks...

- Start dancing exotically.

[laughter and screaming]

- I am on the job right now.

- You're here for a job.
A very hot job.

[laughter and screaming]

- I tell ya,
not only is this job hot,

it is scorching at times.

[all screaming]
Yeah, I know.

- What are the rules?

Do we get a little peek
of the equipment?

[laughs]
[all screaming]

- Well, all right.
I'll tell you what.

You can play with the hose.

[all cheering and screaming]

You can all play with the hose!
Why not?

[all screaming]

Oh, whoa, whoa!

- Ike, they think you're here
to strip for 'em, now.

[laughter]

- [laughs]

Yeah, I know!
Hello?

I was kidding!

God, take a joke, guys!

I'm not an idiot, okay?

Oh, great.

You know what, officer?
It's fine.

It was a misunderstanding.
No need to press charges.

[all cheering]

[laughter]

All right, guys, let's roll out.

Let's roll out.

- Hey, congrats again.

[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]

['80s rock music]

♪

- ♪ Well, I'm hot blooded

♪ Check it and see

♪ I got a fever of 103

♪ I'm hot blooded

- Check it out.

Got my results
from that DNA ancestry company.

- 22 and You.

I've actually been meaning
to do that.

- You'll never believe this.

I'm 12% Jewish.
- What?

- Really?
- Get out of here.

- This is going to change
everything.

- We should all take
these DNA tests.

I've been telling women
for years

I'm related to Joe Pesci.

It's time I finally got proof.

[laughter]

- Hey, you know what?

I got some extra swabs.
You all wanna do it?

- I'll try it.
- Yep.

- Oh, that'd be awesome.
- We got one for you.

- Thank you.
- One for you, one for you.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ike.
- No, no, no, no, no!

- Not like that, man.
[laughter]

- It's up here. Up here.
- I know.

Why do you guys always take me
so seriously all the time?

- Try this one.

- I was kidding.
- I know you were.

- I know how to do it.
- Yeah.

- Great, yeah.
- Put it in there. Put it in.

Get that to the lab, stat.
- Okay.

- Hey, guys, I think us
laughing at Ike all the time

makes him feel dumb,

like with
the bachelorette party.

- He's not dumb.

He just sometimes says
dumb things.

- You know what, next time
he says something dumb,

I'm gonna say something dumber,
you know,

just to take the heat off.

- Ah, you better not do that

'cause then people will think
you're dumb.

- Me?
Nah.

- Hey, Cap, you wanna go see

if Chief wants to inspect
his genes?

- I've already inspected
his jeans.

They are consistently saggy

and halfway down his ass.

- Oh!
- [laughs]

That little tuchus reminds me
of two matzo balls.

[laughs]
- Very funny, guys.

- Hey. What's up, guys?
- What's with the tweed?

Trying on a new character
for the strip joint?

[laughs]
Professor Pecs.

[both laugh]

I like it.
- Hey.

Cool turtleneck, dude.
- Thanks, man.

- Looks like the one
I just got my mom.

- Hey, I wanted to tell you

I had this crazy dream
about you last night

and I feel like I just need
to, like, process it, you know?

- Okay.
Yeah, sure.

- Like, we were hanging out,

eating cheeseburgers together.

- Oh, well, I am flattered.
[laughs]

- You noticed that I had
some, like, mustard

at the corner of my mouth.

- Uh-oh.
- You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- You, like, reached out
to wipe it off,

but the way you did it was,
like, super, like, tender.

Then, you came over and you sat
on my lap for some reason

and I was like, "Ooh, I think
I know where this is going."

- Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there.

I'm feeling very uncomfortable
in the workplace right now.

- I think the only way
to get over this

is if we just hug it out.

- I don't think that's the way.
- Kay?

Come here.

Come here.
- What are you doing?

- Come on.
We basically share a bed, bro.

- Wait, wait, wait!
- [laughs]

- What are you... wait... Mike!

- [laughs]
- You son of a bitch!

- Ike has a twin?
- Took you forever!

- Holy shit.

- Should've seen the look
on your face, Myawani.

[both groan]
You're such an idiot.

- Lucy, that's my brother Mike.

Mike's a professor
up at Seattle State.

- That's the last time
I'm gonna fall

for that whole
sexual harassment routine.

- [laughs mockingly]
Is it, Andy?

I don't think so.
- That's not even my laugh.

- 'Sup, Ikey?
How are you?

- Hey, Mike.
You're here.

- You guys not gonna hug?

- Nah.
We're not really huggers.

- Yeah, these guys don't even
shake hands.

- We like to stay inside
our own quadrants, you know?

Isn't that right, Ike?
- Yeah. [laughs]

- We have quadrants
and we just stick to them.

- Seems kinda like a cop-out,
but whatever.

- Oh, man!
It's so good to see you.

What have you been up to?
- Not much.

Just published a paper

on the moral significance
of conscience.

It's, uh... don't worry about it.

- That sounds cool.
I've been pretty busy too.

I just debuted
a new dance routine

set to "Wet the Bed"
by Ludacris.

It's like... it's pretty tricky.

- That's great.
You're a real artiste.

- Mike, you know
I don't speak French.

- Yeah, Mike.

It's actually pronounced
"artist-eh."

- Are you being serious
right now?

- [laughs] Yeah, come on.

I mean, it happens, Andy.

- Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

- Ikey, uh,

can I talk to you in private
for a second, pal?

- Yeah, of course.
Sorry, guys.

Yeah, we can...

- Did you see how far
up my butt his hand was?

♪

- All right, now, you gotta

get around good in there, man.

You get all the DNA
on that swab.

- Man, I would hate to be
that swab.

That poor little swab woke up
this morning

and was like,
"It's gonna be a good day."

- I'm warning you,
this thing might come back

with high levels of pastrami.

[both laugh]

- Guys, how did I not know

that Ike has a twin?

- Oh, no.
Mike is here?

That guy is such a tool.

- Yeah, and he put his finger
in my butt again.

- Blech.
- It's weird.

They're identical but they seem
so different.

I mean, clearly,
Mike is super switched on

and Ike is... well, you know.
- Hey.

- It's not surprising
when you know the science.

When they were infants,

Mike obviously gravitated
toward the smart teat,

whereas Ike was relegated
to the dumb teat.

It was up to their mother
to rotate the breasts,

but she obviously fell down
on the job.

- Are we really doing this
again?

That is not how biology works.

- I wouldn't expect you
to understand this, pumpkin.

No offense, but you favored
the dumb teat too.

- Oh!
- Damn!

- No, I didn't.
- I feel bad for Ike.

He was already feeling insecure

and then his asshole brother
shows up.

- That guy always treats Ike
like crap.

- How so?

[siren wailing]
- Oof.

75 in a school zone, huh?

You're gonna wanna see my ID,
I suppose?

Name's Ike Crystal.

[goofy voice]
I'm a fireman.

- You're too sick
to go to my sister's wedding.

- I'm sorry.

- You weren't too sick
last night for a booty call.

I let you do butt stuff!

- No, you... you didn't.

What...
- Ike!

She gone?
- Yeah.

- She is a beast in the sack,
bro.

[hard rock music]

Hey, frosted tips.
You want a spot?

- No.

- [grunts]
- Mike, don't!

- Did you feed Patches?
- Don't! I can't lift it!

Come on, Mike!
- Feed the cats!

- Don't, don't, don't!

Open it!
- Aw, it's locked.

Don't you dare.
You know I feel it too, Ike.

- Open it then.
- Don't.

Don't punch yourself
in the nuts.

- [groans]
- [laughs]

You're such an idiot.

- And the worst part?

Ike is the only one
who doesn't see

what a dick his brother is.

- Why is Mike such a dick?

- Mean teat, nice teat?

- [scoffs]
- Mm, I don't think so.

- Regardless, he always has
a sketchy angle,

so we should watch out for Ike.

- Good point.

All right, back to work,
everybody.

Let's go.

- [speaking gibberish]

- [speaking gibberish]

- [speaking gibberish]

[both laugh]
- I don't know.

Tweaky, I guess?
- [laughs]

- It's so cool we still know
our own twin language.

- Look at us, huh?

Both took different paths,

but both very successful
in our own fields.

- That is true.
- You're doing great, man.

I mean, you're not married
or tenured like I am,

but you got a shared bunk,
decent pension I'm assuming,

and your landlord lets you
pay your rent in singles.

- Is this still a compliment
'cause...

- Yeah, it started out that way.

Then it got a little truthy.

Point is you've got some things
that I don't have.

- Seriously?

- And like a good brother,

you're always willing to share
what you do have

with me.

- [sighs]

Mike, you're not gonna ask

to borrow my license again,
are you?

I owe so much money.

- No, Ike.
I need something else.

I want your sperm.

- Ah!
[laughs]

Hey, if I had a nickel

for every time a girl asked me
for my sperm,

I'd have a big bag of sperm...

I mean, I'd have... I'd be rich!

- Susan and I are having
trouble conceiving a baby, Ike.

- She's infertile?

- Well, that would mean...

Yeah, you nailed it, Ike.

So, Ike Bartholomew Crystal,

wanna help your brother
have a baby?

- This is a gigantic decision.

- Yeah, it is.

- [grunts]
- Careful on that knuckle, pal.

I can feel that too, remember?

- Oh, yeah.
Sorry.

- All right, mishpachah.

Time to get in touch
with your roots.

And then afterwards, babka!

- Oh, look at this.
22 and You.

I love it.
Kaponko.

- Is this the DNA thing?

- Yeah, Terry.
- That's exciting.

- This is so fun.
- Cool.

- Oh, I knew it.

[Irish accent]
Irish to me bones!

- Look,
that is the genetic marker

for the abnormally long
ass crack.

- Okay, the length
of my ass crack

is well within normal range.

- And there's the genetic marker

for Asymmetrowobblosis.

- What's that?

- That's the condition that
causes 90% of your body weight

to settle above
your belly button.

- And if it's left untreated,
it leads to topple-over-itis.

- Which, in turn, can lead
to help-I've-fallen-

and-I-can't-get-up-isis.

[laughter]

- It says here my genetic
traits are low testosterone,

wet mouth, clammy hands,
and sensitive teeth.

- I'm glad I don't have
those traits.

- It also says that Lucy and I
are descendants

of Genghis Khan.

- Hey, me too.
- Me too.

Everybody's related
to Genghis Khan.

- I am not.

It says here that I'm related
to Chaka Khan.

- Oh.
- Huh.

Says here that 90%
of my inherited traits

come from the Penisi side
and not the McConky.

- You have a lot of McConky
in you.

Give me that thing.
- You wanna see my stats?

- Yeah, come on.
- All right.

- This can't be right.
- Sorry, Chiefy.

She's a Penisi
through and through.

- Penisis are cool.

- Whatever.
Gimme some babka.

[grunting]
Okay.

Looks good, Granny.

Mmm.
Oh, mmm.

Oh, my God. Ow!
Oh, my teeth!

- Penisis do not have
sensitive teeth.

[moaning]
- [laughs]

- No.
I don't like this one bit.

You are not like him.

[grunting]

Ow!
Jesus!

[groans]

Where's my toothpaste?

- Why would you do that?

- Why does it say
I'm 6% Toblerone?

- Ooh.
- Not true.

The aroma of Tacoma comes from
the old pulp and paper mill.

- You're wrong.
Egg farms.

That's where
the aroma comes from.

- This is it on Checkipedia.

So it's offish.
- Checkipedia.

- Yeah, that's wrong.
- What?

- It's in writing.
- It's in digital writing.

- Ike, Ike,
that's still charged.

- [groans]
- Whoa.

- Oh, my God!

- Ay, caramba!

[groans]

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
Sorry, guys.

I've just been
really preoccupied lately.

Mike asked me for my sperm
for a baby.

- What?

After the shitty way
he's treated you

all these years?

- Cap, he doesn't treat me
shitty.

You have to understand.

Guys, he's my brother.

That's brother stuff.

He could've asked anyone
for sperm for his baby.

You know who he asked?

Me.
His identical twin.

- Yeah, you should be flattered.

- I know, right?

I feel like it could really
just bring us closer together,

you know, like, as brothers.

And plus, I gotta say,
it would be pretty sweet

to have sex with his wife.

- I don't think
that's a part of the deal.

- Because she's infertile.
- I said the same thing.

- Ike, you do not want
the child of your seed

being raised
by that bullying prick.

- [laughs]

Cap, he's not a bully.

He's not a prick either.
He's my brother.

And what... [chokes]

- 'Sup, you big spaz?
- Ah, Mike, I knew it was you!

[wheezes]
We always do this.

I'll flip you.

- Let's go talk
turkey... baster.

- [groans]
- [laughs]

- Ah, Mike, you're so strong!

- You even get that, Ike?

You get that joke?

Ooh!

Pah!
Come on, get up, pal.

We gotta get this
insemination thing going.

- That was awesome.

- What do you say I take you
out for ice cream

and then you can jerk off
in a cup?

- To tell you the truth,

I haven't really made
my mind up about that yet.

- Ike, this'll bring us closer
as brothers.

- Okay, all right.
I'll do it.

- [laughs]
There you go! All right!

- Hey, but first,
two scoops of Rocky Road

with sprinkles!

- You betcha.

Rocky Road
followed by Rocky Load.

- Oh, Rocky Road...

with... oh...

- Nut, man.
Any kind of nut.

- Oh, man.

Orange sherbet

and sugar and sperm.

- Sugar and sperm?
Oh, man.

I forgot you can't do puns.
[laughs]

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for Ike's cream.

[all scoff]
- Dang, that was funny.

- Come on, buddy.

- Sugar and sperm?
Really, Ike?

♪

- Mm.
Fast metabolism.

You know that's Penisi DNA.

You're welcome.

Regular sized cranium.

- No McConky ham head for me.

- You're welcome.

The gene
for actually having a neck.

You're welcome.

Kid, you're a Penisi through
and through.

[echoing]
Penisi through and through.

Penisi through and through.

- But so anyways,

the pregnancy results came back
negative,

so I celebrated
and I went out to the track.

I ended up hooking up
with this 19-year-old jockey.

He was short,
but he knew how to ride.

[distorted laugh]

[distorted]
Oh, he knew how to ride!

[both laugh evilly]

I'm so lonely.

[both laugh]
Ah, this is a cry for help.

[distorted laughter]

- Hey, Chief.
- [yelps]

- Wanna try some kishke with me?

- Okay.

- It's matzo
stuffed in cow intestine.

Granny, come here, come here.

Listen, you're a man
of science, right?

Why is it that Lucy has none
of my DNA

and all of Eddie's DNA?

- She has your DNA too.

It's just that the Penisi gene
is dominant.

- Eddie is shallow and conceited

and he can't hold a relationship

and I don't want my daughter
growing up to be like him.

- What makes us who we are
is not so simple, Chief.

I mean, look at me.

I'm a member of the 12 tribes.

[laughs]

- Look, look,
my kids are my legacy, okay?

And if they don't carry
my traits,

when I'm gone, I cease to exist.

- Then I suggest
you bring out your traits

and show her the good things
about being a McConky.

Huh?

Now, open.

- Oh, okay.
- [laughs]

Mazel.

- [grunting]

What the hell is this?

This album is full
of your McConky ancestors

and their amazing
accomplishments,

or as I like to call them,
McConk-lishments.

[both laugh]
- Good one, Dad.

You know, I actually have
some work to do,

but this looks really...

- Okay.
All right. Great.

This here is Seamus McConky,
your great-grandfather.

He was a successful fishmonger
in Cork, Ireland.

Also known to be
extremely sturdy.

- Hmm.
- Look, that's your face.

- I'm not seeing it.
- Right in the eyes?

- Nah.
- Oh, okay.

He too had a daughter
named Lucille.

- I'm not a Lucille.

- This is Cormac McConky,

famous for eating
the last potato

before the great potato famine.

Legend has it, that potato?

[Irish accent]
It was au gratin.

- You know, Dad,
you don't have to do this.

- Aw, a little
father-daughter time.

How adorable.
- Hey, Mom. What's up?

- Just swinging by.
I'm on my way to the hospital.

What is this about?

- Everyone here did DNA tests

and Dad's a little freaked out
about my Penisi DNA,

so he's trying to impress me

with the McConky clan
of McConky.

- Her results
were a little alarming.

- Alarming?
How?

- There was a lot of Penisi DNA

and Eddie's been rubbing
my nose in it.

- Yeah, that's my DNA.

The good stuff?
[laughs]

It's the gene for caring,
patience, intelligence.

Those the traits
you're concerned about?

- I was not talking about that.

- He's talking about
Uncle Eddie.

- I'm sorry,
am I missing something?

Did you somehow, what,
fertilize Eddie's egg?

- Course not, but sometimes,
I see his eyes

when I make love to you.

- Oh, my gosh, Dad.

- Holy hell.
- [gags]

Dad, you shouldn't have
said that.

- It's her brother.

- Hoo!
All right.

I hope that you don't ever think

that we're gonna have sex again

because I can't believe
you just said that.

Lucy, come on.

- She's supposed to stay here
with me.

- And hear about
Uncle Eddie's eyes?

I don't think so.
- Wait, I'm the chief!

- And I am her mother.

- Okay.

- [whispering] Penisi genes.

- [laughing]

- What are you doing?

- I'm trying to figure out
what holidays I get off

now that I'm Jewish.

It's amazing!

Look, they got Rosh Hashanah,
Yom Kippur,

Passover, Hanukkah.

- Okay, I think there's more
to being Jewish

than just counting holidays
and trying new foods.

- [laughs] Okay.

- I'm sure
there's something deeper...

to it inside things...

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, no.

I'm just saying that, you know,

maybe some of these DAN tests
are just wrong.

- You don't have to pretend
to be dumb when Ike's not here.

- I'm not!
[gasps]

You think it's stuck?
- That's medically impossible.

- What if this is permanent?
[gasps]

Like a Sharpie?

Or like when you cross
your eyes for too long

and then all of a sudden,
you're like a bird.

You see, like, both sides only

and you have to turn your head
real fast

in order to see
what's next to you.

- What a day, what a day!
[laughs]

Today, I'll have you know,

I was part of the miracle
of life.

- You really went through with
helping your douchebag brother?

- Gran, He's not a douchebag.

I mean... well, even if he is,

I'll be around as a symbol
of undoucheyness

for the kid, so...

- Ike.
Come on.

- This might be the big news!

- I know I found a new religion,

but fuck Mike.

- [whistles]

Hey, big fella.

So talked to the doctor.

Your custard cut the mustard.

- Ah!
Mike!

[laughs]
- All right, all right.

- Eh, oh?
- You know, stop, stop.

Just stop.
- [growls]

[laughs]
Oh, man!

I'm so excited
to be part of a family.

- About that.

Listen, Ikey,

Susan doesn't know
that it's your sperm

and I think it's probably best
if we keep it that way,

okay, pal?

- What's she gonna think
when the baby comes out

and looks exactly like me?

- Well, uh, Ike, we'll just
have to cross that bridge

when we get to it.

- Well, it's gonna be fun
to be an uncle, I guess.

I'll always be that.
[laughs]

- Listen, Ike, I think it's best

if the kid doesn't even know
you exist.

- What?

- He needs positive role models.

You understand, right?

I mean, I don't want him
growing up seeing you

and thinking
he's gonna end up dumb.

But, still, hey.

Nice work, stud.

- Thanks.

♪

- Sorry, Granny.

I just needed a moment
to myself.

- Sit down, my friend.

Sometimes, the man
who wants to be alone

is the most in need of company.

- It's my brother, Mike.

Just feel like he walks
all over me all the time.

- There's an old Yiddish saying:

"Klieg, Klieg, Klieg...
Du bist a Nar."

- What does that mean?

- "You are smart, smart, smart,

but you are not so smart."

- Oh.
[both laugh]

What does that mean?

- You're missing
the big picture.

- How?

- In the Torah, it teaches us

that the highest form of wisdom
is kindness.

That is where you are smarter
than Mike.

And you can use that
against him.

- Yeah, like in a race
or something.

- Or you can Cain and Abel him

and crack him over the head
with a rock.

- [laughs]

Ah, no.
I'm not gonna murder him.

Thanks though, Granny.

I always wanted a Jewish granny.

- Of course.

[speaks Hebrew]

- Oh, wait.

Think I have a better idea.

[upbeat music]

- Hey.
Ike here?

Said he had something important
to tell me.

- Oh, hey, Mike.
Thanks for coming.

I just got some crazy news.

We all took this DNA test

and given
our recent transaction,

I think you're gonna be
interested in the results.

- Sure.

- Turns out the Crystal lineage
can be traced

all the way back
to sixth-century Norway.

- Wow, no way.
- Norway.

- Anyway...
- Norway.

- Go away.
- Right away.

- Anyway,

the Crystals are
direct descendants

of a Viking named Erik the Dum.

- Erik the Dum?

- He's from the Moron region
of Norway.

And according to this,
Erik the Dum was a carrier

of the gene PRDX22.

That's also known
as "the dumb gene."

- So what?

I definitely don't have
a dumb gene.

- Doesn't really matter, Mike.
I do.

I just need you to know

because your wife is carrying
my seed,

your kid is gonna have
the dumb gene.

- Is this a joke?

You expect me to believe
that there is a Erik the Dum

from the Moron region of Norway?

- We were all surprised too.

- I'll just look it up.

[whispering]
Such an idiot.

Ah.
"Erik the Dum."

[laughs]

"Erik the Dum,

"a Viking from the Moron region
of Norway.

"Widely perceived to be
the stupidest Viking

ever to become..."

Holy shit.

- Yeah.
Sorry, brother.

- You idiot!

You put your dumb genes
into my wife

and condemned my kid
to a life of stupidity?

I asked you for one thing

and you screwed it up,
didn't you?

Like you screw up
your entire life!

- Whoa, man!
[all objecting]

- It's okay.
No, no, no, no, no.

Guys, guys, guys,
don't cross over into his zone.

He's not worth it.

- Oh, no, cross the line!
Come on!

I'll take you all on!

I'm a master
of Wishu Shishu karate!

- You know what, Mike?

For years, you have been
treating me like dirt

and all I've ever done
is been nice to you in return.

That ends now.

You know, I may not be
book smart

or word smart
or university smart like you,

but guess what?

I'm hose smart, axe smart,

fire truck driving smart, Mike.

And guess what?

I'm also just a nice person.

- Wow.
I gotta write that one down.

It's brilliant.

- A very good friend of mine
once said to me,

"The highest form of wisdom

is kindness."

My friend, that makes you

one of the stupidest people
I know.

- Whatever.

By the way,
you suck at making puns.

- You know what, Mike?

You suck...

at making sons.

All: Oh!

- Yes!

- That's a rhyme.
That's a rhyme.

It's not a...
- Yeah!

[all cheering]

- Say hi to Mom for me.

- Me too.

- Whoo!
- [laughs]

- Oh, man.
- That was awesome.

- Oh, man, you came up
with that, like, so...

- Yeah, I just thought of it
and I was like...

- Fast.
- Puns, puns, puns, think.

Oh, okay, I'm doing it wrong
now, but...

- Oh, no, you got it.
- Wow.

- Hook, line, and blinker, man.

[all agreeing]
- Yeah. Definitely.

Yeah.
- Right?

- I know, it's almost like
the flashlight is on.

- That's a fat violin.

- Guys.
My brother texted me.

Turns out
the pregnancy didn't take.

His wife's not pregnant.
[both cheering]

- Yeah, yeah!
- Nice!

- Apparently, my sperm went

right into her spleen
or something.

[laughter]

- So wait, what's up
with those test results?

- Oh, no, it's fake.

We made it all up
just to piss my brother off.

- Man.

What about
that Checkipedia page then?

- It's fake.
Yeah.

Granny created a fake page.

- Oh, my goodness.
What about the dumb gene?

- We made everything up.

- What about Moron, Norway?
What about that?

- None of it is real, Andy.

- I still don't get it.

- When is this
gonna fix itself, Andy?

- You get used to it.
[laughs]

[laughter]

- Oh, man.
- All right, guys.

Who's ready for Peaches Penisi?

[all cheering]

- What?

Looks amazing!
- Wow!

- Fork?
- Thank you.

- Hey, Chief, do you want some?
- Oh, no.

It's too sweet for my teeth.

- Okay.

You don't know
what you're missing.

- Oh, my teeth!

Oh, this kills.
- What's the matter?

- Dad, is this
what it feels like

to have sensitive teeth?

- They feel sensitive? Really?
- Oh, yeah.

Maybe you could coach me
through it?

- Oh, okay.
I have special toothpaste,

I could share it with you.
- Great.

- Hold on.

[upbeat music]

- This is so freaking delicious.

- You old softy.
I know what you did.

- I guess
that's my McConky side.

- Yeah.
You know what?

Who wants more Peaches Penisi?

[all talking at once]

♪