Original subtitles

...And remember that the knowledge your teachers have

endowed you with shall be the tool with you will

become the adults our country needs.

Have great vacations kids!

Hey! I've been waiting for you.

This bike's too small so...

are we gonna see them?

Alright, but let's move it,

we're late, they're going to leave.

- Wait up! - Shake it!

Excuse me.

Wait up!

Damn horny baboon.

Wait for me!

Keep out of it.

Look!

She's Osbelia.

I'll see you later.

Hey, what's your problem!

Leon.

What?

This is what I work for.

Leon!

Listen son, I don't know if you are playing games, or just a loser.

Aren't you ashamed of this?

I want you to study this evening.

But Dad, I'm off on vacation!

Go to your room.

I want you in your room all weekend.

- But Dad! - All damn weekend!

What of she says no?

Well, I can spy on her I know where she lives.

Ah! Osbelia, what a beautiful name.

Roger, guess what?

Luisa's sales were high and they are going to give her a new car.

What does she need a new car for? She's half blind;

she should buy a seeing eye dog.

Bupreste, a type of coleopteran pentamerous insects

that give name to buprestides.

Pumpking, why don't we buy a new car?

Why don't you shut up?!

Do you know that an intertwined snake and lamprey symbolize?

Well I think that two cars are better than one, Roger.

Will you be checking the oil or have both break down?

Adultery, did you know the Egyptians punished adulterers

by throwing them into the Nile, Dad?

Why don't you do something useful?

When I was your age I was making money.

Dammit, he always wastes time on silly things.

Look Roger, leave him alone!

Dammit!

Hi!

Gentleman, please, don't be alarmed,

I'm not alone, Darwin also compared his sister to a leech.

Please don't take her to the mud pit, because,

I, in a Samaritarian gesture, have decided to take her to a social

re-adaption center that, just between us, is the place where all sisters should be.

Here it is, just look at it.

Isn't it cool? Look Mom, it's Claudia.

Claudia?

Claudia. She made it.

Invite her over for supper, she's got to tell us all about it.

You'll be in big trouble if you end up a whore like her.

Oh, Roger!

Hey, Dad, can I have an advance on my allowance?

Oh, those bangs!

- Come on, please Dad. - Let's see here.

I'm going shopping.

Hey!

Shouldn't you be on your way?

Dad, I don't want to go to school anymore.

Speak like a man, I can't hear you.

I don't want to go to school anymore, I want to be a chauffeur.

Leon, take this for me.

Come here you animal!

A chauffeur.

That's not a bad idea, wouldn't you rather work in fast food?

Oh Dad, you don't understand.

No, you're the one that doesn't understand son.

At this rate you'll end up as a shoe shiner.

Damn baboon, I knew he was gonna say a shoe shiner.

Lend me your car.

This is for a taxi, bring back the change.

Stop bothering the boy.

Leon, listen to your father.

Leon, do you know what you're doing this vacation?

No, not yet.

Well I do, you're going to take a course in the afternoons.

I'd rather you became an electrician.

I want you to go to the subway station right now...

and get me the addresses of the schools advertised in the cars.

I said all the schools' addresses, now!

Why wasn't a water drop, a drop amongst other drops?

I would have like to be invisible too.

My mother uses the same color panties.

There's an advantage to them, you can't tell when they're dirty.

Leon,

Oh Leon!

You're my only lion,

Oh Leon!

Oh, Leon!

Mariquita, don't open the door to strangers.

If you need anything we will be at my cousin Ramona's house.

Here, and don't bring any boys in.

Nothing, just playing.

I want my money.

What do you want it for? We're saving up.

I want my money man.

What about the bike we're gonna buy?

Here, you count it.

Hey, there's only 200 here.

It's because I bought a double dragon game.

A little girl stared at me like if she knew me

or like a bird had just shit on my head.

I decided to use the old SB trick.

That means Stare Back, but stare hard.

Damn, bad luck.

Hey kid, do me a favor.

Alright sir.

Could you watch her for a couple of minutes,

I've gotta go, and I can't leave her alone.

Look she's blind.

I'll go to the bathroom and return... Come on.

Whats your name?

Her name is Magda, she's deaf and mute too.

Would they like to go to Guadalajara?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Darn, should I buy the tickets or not?

How many tickets do you want?

Do the buses have restrooms?

Of course they do, do you want a ticket or not?

Give me one.

If we leave, the old man will think I kidnapped you.

What's your name? Magda, right?

You're deaf aren't you?

I was about to crack and use the

ol' MC trick that means Maximum Concentration.

Then suddenly, I had an idea.

I'll be back, don't move.

Hey, I'm splitting.

Goodbye Osbelia, Goodbye green panties.

Goodbye Guadalajara.

You must be like my dad, a potato person,

he'll eat them any which way.

I like french fries.

What am I gonna do with you?

Your attention please, we have a lost 4-year-old wearing blue pants.

You can pick her up at the manager's office.

I see you like Magda.

No sir, let me explain.

Explain what!

I saw you grabbing her!

What? Me?

On top of that you're a fag.

Listen, you little degenerate, don't play dumb,

I saw you grabbing her,

I'm gonna tell your dad. Where is he?

I don't have one. I'm an orphan.

Do you think I'm gonna fall for that, no way.

Really, I'm an orphan.

Today's your lucky day.

You got a job, you're gonna work for me.

But I can't. I have to go to Guadalajara.

You're gonna like the job, besides,

Magdita needs a friend.

Fucking asshole,

if you make another move like that I'll bust you.

What happened Don Manuel?

Thanks Moyote. How are things going?

Here, have a drink.

Take it as a gift.

- Thanks Moyote. - No problem.

Come on, let's go.

Can I use your bathroom?

There.

There were two ways out. A and B.

I chose B because the first layer of shit was full of something

that looked like chunks of carrots.

I hate carrots.

What should I do?

I asked my other self, who was seated in front of me for help.

He always gets me out of trouble.

When I die I'll ask for a mirror so I can say my farewells. After all,

he has been my best friend.

Who were you talking to?

With my other self, he's a great person, let me introduce you.

What the hell are you talking about?

I thought you split. Come on! Let's go.

But how? Not through the pipes.

Damn ol' motherfucker.

Do you collect news clips?

What?

Do you like collecting clips?

I've sold thousands of papers, all my life devoted to journalism.

Do you know who I am?

The prince of all vendors.

Look, look.

Lend me Little Red Riding Hood.

She is blind isn't she?

Like her rat.

That's why they get along so well.

Come on Little Red Riding Hood.

Did you miss me? There, there.

Are you her father?

No, she's my niece.

It was smart of you to act like a fairy.

You're gonna be more useful than that dumb girl.

Don't talk like that about her to her face.

You'll hurt her feelings.

Don't worry about that, you can say whatever you like.

She can't understand or feel

anything except love for her damn Red Riding Hood.

I felt a lump in my throat and I decided to put the ol' DBCB,

Don't Be a Cry Baby, into action.

Hey, do you know my brother?

No, only your niece.

He's not his niece, idiot.

Who said that?

Who said that?

My brother.

I found her out in the streets.

It's not every day that you find a niece around,

so enjoy Magdita.

What did you say?

Put the moves on Magda.

Come on! I want to see you do it.

Do it to her! Do it to her!

Do it to Magda, I wanna see you do it to her.

Do it! Do it! Come on! Grab her;

I want to see you do it.

Stop it, don't use her up.

No. Do it! Do it!

We haven't even been introduced.

That's right.

Name's Farrolito, just like him.

We do a number to make a living and now you're going to help us.

Doing what?

You haven't told this asshole anything.

Well, you're gonna rob our audience.

What do you think?

No, I can't.

I know you can do it.

Do it for yourself dammit!

I think he's a fairy.

Do I have a choice?

Watch your things.

Are you staying or going?

If you go on like this you'll end up as a shoe shiner.

I'll stay.

You are my kind, we got it made, you're one of my kind.

I said let's go to bed.

- What? - Let's go to bed.

I needed to use the ol' DS, Doggie Style.

These are postulates.

Are we animals? We are.

Are we guided by instinct?

We are. Yesterday we were quadrupeds, we were.

Who hasn't seen a couple of dogs screwing and then felt like doing it?

What's wrong?

Do they take British Commonwealth coins?

What kind of coins did you say you have?

I've never heard of that before.

Never thought there could be a jerk dumber than my old man.

Maybe he was using the ol' TLAC, Talk like a Chinese man.

Can I see the coins?

You nervous?

A bit, they are they still training samurai?

Samurai Japanese, no Chinese.

- What's your name? - Leon.

Ha... nice name.

What's yours?

It had two syllables that went in and straight out of my ears.

They authentic, but no buy.

Wait! You wash dishes.

Eat free, you in big trouble.

Oh fuck!

You had your dinner, now split.

No run, no run.

I pay friend.

Friend, shit, I ain't got no friends.

You wanted to fuck ol' Farrolit, didn't you?

No, your momma, asshole

Get ahold of that motherfucker.

Don't get me wrong, what I said wasn't true.

You're more than a friend to me, you're like a brother.

How can I pay you back?

Wash dishes.

Who's that?

Nobody, old family problem.

You brave. No wash dishes, come with me.

I seen you eat and lick plate. That why I like you.

Well, I was hungry.

No, you humble.

My name not Edwardo.

I should know what to call you.

I mean you different.

I told him about my gal Osbelia,

she cried when I couldn't go to Guadalajara with her.

He said I was a sort of genius and if we lived in China,

baptized babies would be given my name.

Hey, what would you do if you found out you father was cheating on your mother?

Forgive.

Hey...

Forget my name.

Kung Fu.

No, that's a dangerous martial art.

Bruce Lee.

No, that's a "honorable" dead warrior.

I be "honorable" live "restaurant" owner.

I give up.

He said his name and I forgot it just as soon as he said it.

I was gonna ask him to say it again but...

Today I visit single woman.

One woman or free woman.

Free. "Experimented" woman, come with me.

These single woman.

There's mud, roll in it.

Kung fu!

Smile a bit,

stop making that face, you are going to make me cry.

Our only friend died.

But you got me and I got you.

We're friends, aren't we?

Kung Fu died, the same worms that are eating him are gonna eat you.

Is he really dead?

You know, I'm living with him.

Don't go!

Where did you say you were going?

To Altamirano St., in Tlaquepaque.

Do you know where it is?

You passed it.

Don't worry sir, it's close around here.

Are you here on vacation?

Yeah, my grandmother moved here and I've come to visit.

You'll like Tlaquepaque,

I think it's still the nicest part of Guadalajara; my son's your age.

Thirteen right?

Yes, what grade is he in?

He hasn't been to school regularly.

He's had stomach problems.

Does he have diarrhea or what?

Worse yet, they took out part of his large intestine and he hasn't been well.

Is it around here?

No, he's been pretty sick, colostomy, you've seen it.

They have to do it in a bag.

No, I haven't. It must be very uncomfortable.

It is, it is.

We're here.

If you ever need anything I'm at you service.

What's your son's name?

Salvador Acosta, like me, that's what they call me.

Okay, thank you.

What are the odds of Osbelia being home?

I had to admit I had no basis to help me make a guess,

I decided to consult my other self,

but only Kung Fu voice came to me.

You smart. Think of gag.

I decided to use the ol' MHCO, the Make Her Come Out trick.

Please call the firemen,

Red Cross and the Civil Protection Office.

- What's wrong? - It smells like gas!

- Like gas? - Miss!

What's the matter?

Nothing, but there's a streptococcus epidemic in Guadalajara.

How's that?

Scorpions transmit it.

Are you from Mexico City?

No, I've never been there, why?

Because you don't have a local accent.

Well, I'm from Durango.

What spell has broken this natural surface?

Who untied the knot that held her still?

In a superior vertigo all spins, you fly in my dream an angel. Closer to you,

Closer to me, a doubt that philosophy advices.

If I did not make you, whisper in my ear.

And in an accurate argument which doubt unravels.

I bleed alone and you leave me once here.

Thanks, I live here.

What's your name?

Osbelia, what's yours?

Leon.

Nice name, bye.

- Hi. - Where can I take you?

To a brothel.

Are you sure?

This is your home, pick a girl.

Buy me a drink.

Check please.

You brought along some money.

I'll watch it for you.

You owe me 500 sugar daddy.

Wait a second.

I won't be able to wash 500 pesos worth of dishes here.

The man split with the money.

Out you go.

Fucking Don Nestor.

My son suddenly got sick, I didn't mean to leave you, come in.

Is he better?

I'm not sure, he's very brave.

I don't know if he's sad or just sicker.

Oh... Your money.

Thank you.

I told him about you.

He said he'd like to meet you.

Really?

Wait a moment.

You can come in now.

- Hey. - Hey.

- You first. - You first.

Who do you root for?

Cruz Azul. How about you?

Atlas. I don't like the damn Chivas.

Where are you from?

If I told you from Taxco, would you believe me?

Well, I don't know.

I've never left this room.

Where's your mom?

Ran away with the neighbor.

Do you want to play?

I told him about my success over at the brothel.

How all of them pleaded me to stay.

About how I tried to save Kung Fu, my only friend.

I described my family and exaggerated a bit about what I was in store for.

He was fascinated.

He told me about how he got his dad to buy him the latest Nintendo game.

It was a good thing I came to Guadalajara and spoke to Osbelia.

Do you have some kind of dream?

Yeah, I want a racing bike.

Why don't you tell your dad?

He can't afford it.

Well it was nice talking to you, but I gotta get back, see you.

- Alright. - Bye.

If you visit Guadalajara again, stop by here.

Alright, bye.

Can you take me to the airport?

Sure, that's what I'm here for.

I'll see you later Chavita.

- So now we go to the airport. - Yes, now we do.

What, are you going to ship by mail?

No, it's for Chava.

Yes, but do me a favor, don't tell him that I sent it.

When you return from Guadalajara, come and visit me.

Of course I will. I'll see you soon.

Kung Fu!!!

How many little lights,

me know that you want to be one of those little lights,

not a big one, and think that in life everything is a joke,

not a big one, and think that in life everything is a joke,

Don't take anything serious.