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Hey, mama.

How the babies doin'?

Hey, Jackson.

You're up early.

On 11 minutes late, thank you very much.

Mm-hmm.

How we lookin' though?

Everything cookin' at the right temps?

Yeah.

I'm just checking yesterday's records

and laying out our schedule.

Ready to sign off?

Let me take a look here.

Guess what?

What?

The Schneiders are back again.

God, I feel bad for 'em.

I don't feel bad for them.

They could have adopted an entire soccer team

with the amount of money they've spent on this.

You in a bad mood?

No.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Special lady time, hm?

Need me to get you some snacks from the vending machine?

I'm not, and no thank you, I'm good.

- Okay. - Uh huh.

If I'm not mistaken, it is Friday, is it not?

It is.

That means the traditional family Sikand dinner, huh?

Mm-hm, trying to snag yourself an invite?

Maybe.

Well, Jackson, as much as we all love your company

tonight's not a good night.

But why, what?

You know I always bring the good wine.

Your Mama loves that wine.

I'm bringing Charley.

But what?

Like your bringing bringing Charley?

Sort of.

I'm not gonna introduce her as my girlfriend, not yet.

- Savarna! - What?

You're 30, fam.

So?

What you mean so?

We gettin' old, okay?

No 30-year-old woman just brings a friend to dinner.

They're gonna know.

Can I please just have your support,

just a little support.

- I do support you. - Oh, no you don't.

You gotta do it, just get it out.

Come on now!

Rip it off like a band-aid, you know what I'm sayin'?

Just I'm here, I'm queer, my girlfriend is a dime piece.

Mom and Dad.

- Yeah, she is. - You know?

Heaven forbid you and Charley start planning your future

together before you start collecting social security.

You're a mess.

Oh!

- Like a spider. - Wow.

- I'm impressed. - A little spider monkey.

- I am impressed. - Oh, caught it!

Yeah!

I got eggs to ice.

- Bye, Jackson. - I'm keeping your pen!

You do that.

- It's my pen now. - Bye!

Bye.

Ooh, that looks good.

- Hey. - Chithra, keep stirring.

Oh, darling, how are you?

Good.

Now does your friend have any allergies I need

to know about?

- Charley, no. - Mm-hm.

Oh.

It seems like everybody in California

is allergic to something.

And does he like curry?

Peanut, milk, strawberry, pollen.

How could somebody be allergic to pollen?

That is all of outside.

Yes, Mama, she does like curry.

She?

I thought you said you were bringing a date.

No, I said I was bringing Charley, who's a woman.

Oh.

Savarna!

I told you I was bringing a friend,

and you interpreted it the way you wanted to so.

Savana, you can see your friends anytime,

but family dinners are for family

and for people who are about to become family.

- I mean why do you insist... - Mom, just leave her alone.

Come on.

When she's married and pregnant,

I will leave everyone alone.

Married and pregnant, wow.

This family has such high expectations.

Mom, you know it's not 1955, right?

Right.

Dad, can you please talk to her?

Oh, your Mom is right, pati.

Dad!

You are supposed to be on my side.

She's not saying anything so crazy.

You know, it is time you started

thinking about settling down.

You are getting old, and we must consider

our family's lineage.

Lineage?

Since when did we start using the word

- lineage in this family? - Mm, linens.

Are you guys trying to say linens?

Lineage!

Uh.

Chitra, why don't you check up on Amaya

and see if she's up from her nap, okay?

Please?

Sure.

What is up with you two?

Well, I don't if you've thought about this but.

You're the only member of the Sikand family

that's capable of having children.

Your sister, she cannot have any babies of her own.

And we lost your cousins in the car accident

in India last year.

That leaves you.

Oh my god, are you guys serious?

You've really been talking about this.

Very serious, darling.

So Amaya's not a part of our family?

Of course she is.

Yes, she's just not blood.

I can't believe you're saying this.

Keep it down because your sister, you know,

she might hear something.

Oh, you don't want her to hear that she's barren

and that her adopted daughter is not a part of our lineage,

- is that what you're... - Shh, Savarna, please!

Look, we love Amaya, you know that.

But this is about family responsibility.

If there is no one serious in your life.

You know, you could look through the binder again.

Mama, I don't wanna pick a man

through your weird bachelor binder, please.

If there is no one you like

then it might be time to start thinking about other options.

Options?

Oh, thank goodness I still have options

since I'm such an old maid.

What are my options, Dad?

Getting pregnant artificially.

And if anyone can do that surely it is you.

You work at an IVF clinic.

You want me to have a baby that I don't want by myself?

But you wouldn't be doing it alone.

We will help you raise the baby.

Yeah.

Chitra, emergency.

We will talk about this later.

No, thank you, I'm good.

I was on my way, then I realized

I didn't have Tommy Tiger so I went back home,

but the dog had eaten Tommy Tiger and made him headless

so I stopped at the mall on the way here,

but they now have discontinued Tommy Tiger

and are only selling Booty Bear.

She hates Booty Bear.

I know!

It's okay, hi.

- Okay, yeah. - Yeah.

- Hi, Mike. - Hey.

Is everything okay?

Oh, everything's fine.

Do we know of any cute single guys?

For who?

For Savarna!

- Oh, that's a great idea! - Mom!

I can think of some single, but not cute.

I'm good, Mike, thanks, yeah.

Hey, what about Jackson?

Oh, now he's funny.

I like Jackson.

Oh, come on, Savarna, he's cute.

And you like him, and you guys hang out together.

He's very polite.

I'd be totally pro him joining the family.

And he brings nice wine.

He's into you.

I can't think of a good reason not

to ask Jackson out.

I'm gay.

Hm?

What?

What?

I'm not going to marry a nice man.

I like women, I always have.

I'll get that.

Did you know about this?

Don't look at me.

Everybody, this is Charley.

Hi.

Oh, I get it.

I can't believe this is happening.

Nothing's really changed.

Everything has changed.

Isn't this better than her having a baby on her own?

Well, I never wanted that either.

All I wanted was a nice man from my binder!

Is that so much to ask?

You'll wake up the baby.

Well, I think this is just great.

Oh.

You do?

Yeah.

Takes the heat off me for marrying a white guy.

I thought of that.

Davidia: Savarna!

Would you please come here?

Pray for me.

So, how long have you been gay?

Pati, we are glad that you told us.

You are, the both of you?

Your father is.

Mama, I can still get married.

I can still have a baby.

I can carry on the family name if I choose to do so.

I don't need a man for that!

But isn't it easier?

Not if you're me.

Okay, okay.

This is a lot to take in.

What matters is that we love you very much.

Right, Mira?

Well, I have the right to be disappointed.

Look, I don't have a problem with gay people.

But this is our daughter!

I just need time to adjust!

Yes, Mama, this is about you

so give me a call when you feel adjusted!

Mira, Mira, what are you saying?

You said that you have no problem with the gay people.

Let me remind you, your daughter is these people too.

And probably you forgot about our marriage, remember?

Your parents...

No, I think we saw it just a couple weeks ago...

Charley, let's go.

- Are you okay? - Let's go.

Okay, nice to meet you guys.

Yeah.

Nice to meet you too, Charley.

We'll see you very soon, I'm sure.

Maybe we can come over for dinner.

You know it coulda been way worse, right?

Sure.

Hey, your dad said he loved you.

I haven't heard I love you from my dad

since I was 11 years old.

I get it, babe.

It was just so intense before you got there.

It was like I chose the perfect wrong time to tell them.

You know there's no right time, right?

Ordinarily I would agree with you but.

I don't know, something just feels so weird,

and I don't know what it is.

Come here.

I'm sorry.

Can I do anything?

Are you hungry, we haven't eaten yet.

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

You don't want me to cook for you.

I'm just not hungry.

- That is rude. - I promise I'm not hungry.

I'm making you a frozen pizza.

That's not cooking.

- All right. - I'm gonna make that for you.

Thank you, love.

Only two of the blue pills at night.

Yes, Davidia, I know.

Did you set the alarm?

Mm-hm.

Do you have something to say?

No.

Go ahead, tell me, tell me what's on your mind.

I have nothing to say.

You're breathing strangely.

You are picking a fight over my breath?

It's not a fight unless you have something to say.

No, I have said literally, absolutely nothing, dear.

Okay.

I'm assuming you're gonna call Savarna to...

Oh, and there it is.

What?

I'm not saying anything.

I am asking something.

My daughter walks out of my home,

dropping this news at my feet.

If anyone should be the caller, it is her.

Okay.

I see what you're saying.

Good!

But imagine how nervous she must have been, hm?

And maybe if you make a quick ring in the morning

or a text just say "hello, good morning.

"My love is unconditional."

Something.

Okay, I'll do it.

Really?

Mm-hm, the whole family should be communicating openly.

- Yes, yes for sure. - Yes.

Absolutely.

And I expect you'll be phoning your mother

tomorrow morning as well.

That's what I thought.

So how'd it go Friday?

Can you believe it's only 11:30?

Time sure does fly, doesn't it?

Yeah, and it must be amazing to be the boss.

Okay, you're holding out.

I been waiting for an update all weekend.

How'd it go?

I told them everything.

That doesn't look like a happy face.

How'd they take it?

They made me feel like I should ask them for forgiveness.

Savarna, I'm so sorry.

I shouldn't have pushed you, all right?

I didn't think it was gon' bother 'em

because they don't give me you that vibe.

No, I don't think they're anti-gay.

I just think they're anti me being gay.

I miss the closet!

No, you don't.

No, you don't.

The hard part's over, okay?

They'll be cool with it, they'll come around, absolutely.

I don't know.

Come here.

You're gonna be, all right, okay?

- Mm-hm. - You're gonna be all right.

You're dad's calling you.

Oh, I'll call him back later, I got so much...

Oh, ah, ah, call him back now.

I have a lot to do.

And take a long lunch, okay?

Handle your business, I'll take care of this.

- You sure? - Positive.

Okay.

- Thank you. - Get outta here.

Get outta here!

Okay.

Oh, look at these.

What are you gon' be when you grow up?

Nothin'.

Man.

Put this.

- Bye! - Bye.

Put the babies back in the fridge.

Y'all chill out!

That was a dad joke.

Chill!

I will be right there.

Can I help you?

Pati.

I'm taking this.

Of course.

Oh, Pati, I'm very, very sorry about Friday night.

You were scared to tell us,

and we did not give you a reason not to be.

Mom's mean.

Oh, sometimes.

But she does love you quite a lot, you know.

I know, I just...

Why do we, how is Charley?

I would like to apologize to her.

Thank you, Dad.

And Charley is fine.

There's not much that can bring that girl down.

No, she seemed like a very fine young woman.

You didn't even talk to her.

But she brought nice dish to dinner.

That is very kind.

You tried the cranberry salad?

Oh, yes I did.

It was terrible.

I know, it's so bad!

So, Pati.

How long have you known?

A very, very, very long time.

Like since Britney Spears's first album.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I remember, you played that CD quite a lot.

Mm-hm, I did.

You know, Pati, I'm very sorry you didn't

feel like you could have told us sooner.

I just wish I wouldn't have told Mom.

Oh.

She will come around.

You know what you can do?

You can bring Charley back to the house

and give your mother another chance.

I'm not doing that to Charley.

Pati, please.

Bring Charley on Wednesday, I have a plan.

Hm?

Good.

You're not ready yet.

No, I know.

I wanted your opinion.

Are these guys back in with the little crotch?

Why not, definitely wear some pants though.

Mm, I wasn't even going in that direction,

but now you have me thinking.

Okay, what do you like better?

Edgy dyke or granola dyke?

Yeah?

Hey, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I'm going full-on lipstick lesbian.

That's everybody's favorite kind.

This is not exactly what I want to hear right now, babe.

I don't want you to show up as anybody but yourself.

That's very nice, but I'm not going in sweatpants.

Why are you so optimistic, it's annoying!

In my experience, if they don't disown you right away

it's usually fine.

You just have to sit through a few weird dinners.

But you don't know Indian parents.

It's not gonna be as easy as you think.

I like that joke, that was very funny!

I have to remember that!

Hoo!

Dad, how did this happen?

Wine cooler Wednesday.

Your Mom asked Charley to join her book club.

She did?

Yes, she did.

You've gotta be shitting me.

Oh, Davidia, did you know that Charley

is going to do her Master's degree?

She's doing her Master's degree in world history,

and her mother is a lawyer.

Oh, wonderful!

Savarna, are you in there?

What, I'm fine Mom, do you need to use the restroom?

No.

Charley tells me it's almost your two-year anniversary.

Yeah, we've been together for two years.

And all this time you never told anyone.

Not your sister, not me, not your father.

I didn't wanna say anything until it was serious.

Then it's serious?

You are serious with this girl?

I am.

Are you thinking of getting married?

Someday, yeah.

Someday soon?

Mom, if this is about babies,

you can put the breaks on it.

I don't even know if Charley wants kids.

Oh, apparently she does!

You've already asked her, great.

It came up in conversation.

Babe, come lay with me, it's Sunday.

No, no, no, I can't.

I have got to choose a thesis topic.

I thought you already narrowed it

down to like three options.

Well, I did, but then I watched a documentary

about the Byzantine Empire, and now it's back up to five.

You're seriously the nerdiest person

I've ever met in my life.

I'm canceling the Discovery Channel.

Would you do that to me?

Really?

- I might. - To me?

That means I'll get all the Sundays.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Savarna?

Savarna, it is your dad, Davidia.

Do you have more than one dad?

No, I definitely do not.

Hello, girls.

Hey, Mr. Sikand.

I hope you are both enjoying your Sunday.

Savarna, I'm sorry to bother you,

but I need you to come with me to the airport.

Could you get dressed?

What's going on, Dad?

Your grandma's plane is landing in about an hour.

But grandma's dead.

Not that one.

Oh, oh, yeah, I'll go get dressed.

I take it that we didn't know Grandma was coming.

No, I did not.

Why is she coming?

I cannot say for sure,

but I am assuming it is very important

since she has not left India for about 50 years.

Have I ever met Grandma?

Once, when we visited Theravana.

You were three years old.

And you puked on her.

Great.

Babe, I love you, I will see you soon.

- I love you too. - Bye.

Dad, are you okay?

Oh yes.

Where's Mom?

Mom, oh.

Mira told me to hang this up, where do I put it?

Mike, oh my!

Okay.

- This way. - Let me.

- No, this way. - Left.

Perfect, that's good.

Oh, get that candle, she hates anything smelly.

I'm very frightened to meet this woman.

Come here.

What kinda monster doesn't like the smell of lemon lavender?

Dad, should we be talking to her?

Mm, she's not a chatty woman.

Yeah, but this silence is super weird.

And who's the guy in the back?

I don't know.

You don't know, you didn't ask?

It is customary for leaders of her sect

to travel with a spiritual assistant.

So Grandma's a church leader?

Mm, sort of.

It looks, okay.

I think I'm gonna pass out!

Hello, Grandma!

Hello, Jitanna.

Namaste.

Huh?

The baby, she wants the baby.

- What? - Your baby.

She wants to meet Amaya.

Oh.

- Go. - Right.

- Oh, I'll get her. - Okay.

I don't know what's gonna happen, but be confident.

Look at me, be confident, don't look her right in the eyes.

Okay, come on.

Chitra, do I give her the baby?

Just give her the baby.

I don't think it's optional.

Oh wow.

Huh, huh?

Yes!

There we go.

She wants to freshen up.

I'm gonna take her to her room.

Come on.

Savarna, who's that?

That's Grandma's spiritual assistant apparently.

Okay, this is weird right?

This is not a normal grandparents visit situation, is it?

Okay, children.

Dad, what's happening?

We have something to tell you all.

We are Buddhist!

You mean Grandma's Buddhist.

No, I mean we are all Buddhist.

We're pretending to be Buddhist while she's hear, got it.

No, no, your father's family

is a very well-known Buddhist sect in India.

It is a small group of families

who maintain and preserve the gift of the great teacher.

Meaning Buddha.

Meaning Siddhartha, yes.

You and Chitra, not you, we are all.

You are direct descendants of Buddha.

The last ones, and when your cousins died the group

decided to focus its attention on our family.

So there I said it, I said it, goodbye.

And your Grandma's here to make sure

that you get pregnant, Savarna.

To ensure that the bloodline continues.

Shh, shh, I think she's coming.

Act normal.

Ma!

Oh, thank you, Grandma.

You're so sweet.

Oh my god.

I always thought my parents were Hindu,

but more in like a spiritual, not religious kinda way.

They never said anything?

Never.

I remember being little and going to temple

once or twice with Chitra.

And then my Mom made me meditate

on my ideal husband, but that's it.

I mean, this is just so...

It's so cool.

Don't encourage this, okay?

Oh, it's interesting at the very least.

Do you know what those artifacts are for, hm?

To promote fertility!

That's funny.

Religions that force you to give birth

have a very bad reputation.

True.

Oh, hey, does your grandma know that you're gay?

Yeah, my dad told her and her response was,

"As long as she has a baby I don't care."

Hm, you know, that makes sense though.

Buddhists are very live and let live, you know.

Minus the pregnancy coercion.

Hm, yeah, minus that.

Mm-hm.

What am I gonna do with that thing?

Oh, we've gotta get it looked at, maybe even carbon dated.

No, I mean which drawer are we gonna put it in?

What, no, no, no, no, no.

You at least have to entertain the idea.

No, I don't.

Savarna, I know that this is a little out there,

but this ring looks biblically old, okay?

Do you see the cut on this metal?

That is pre-precision tools.

Probably hammered into shape.

I bet I could compare it to some relics

that the university houses, at least to get an idea.

Would that be okay if I had them run a few tests?

No, I would rather you not do that.

Oh, but babe, please.

But feel free to do your own research.

Okay.

You can look into mythical fables.

Oh, okay.

Or how about some analytical assays.

Oh, now you're just trying to turn me on.

How long has she been?

Hm, couple of hours.

Wow.

You know, Mama, I've been thinking,

and I feel like it's really important for all of us

as a family to sit down together

and let Grandma know it's not happening.

What isn't happening?

Mama, the baby thing, I don't wanna get her hopes up.

Savarna, nobody is saying that you have

to have a baby right now.

Oh really?

Sure your grandmother is in a hurry,

but your father and I understand that you need time.

You and Charley have to get engaged and get married.

That's gonna take a couple of months at least.

Don't talk about my life like it's a checklist, Mom.

Savarna, you don't understand.

There are bigger issues at play here.

Do not pretend like you care

about Buddhism all of a sudden.

Because when we left India

we left all of that behind.

And there were family members that were willing

to take on the responsibility, but now it's just you.

And I will not doom my soul by refusing

to push you in the right direction.

So you really believe in this connection

to the Buddha, seriously?

I believe it enough.

And what about Dad?

He certainly respects the tradition

and everyone who carries it out.

Think of them like bodyguards.

They...

They ensure our family tree carries on safely.

Like the Siddhartha Police Force?

Yeah, they call themselves the Keepers of the Seed.

You're serious?

You think we were joking?

Come in.

Hi, Dr. Lu.

Charley, how are you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Do you have a second?

- Sure. - Great.

Is this about your thesis because I still

haven't received your outline.

No, but I promise I'm working on it.

This is actually about something else.

I wanted to ask you a favor.

Honestly, don't you think you're being kinda selfish?

I'm being selfish?

I know you want kids one day,

and it seems like you and Charley are really serious.

So why are you fighting this so much?

Because they're using a fictional myth

to manipulate me.

Okay, the Buddhist stuff is super weird, yeah,

but put that aside.

You're 30.

You only have half a dozen good years left for baby-making.

And you're the only one in the family who can.

Just seems like you're being purposely rebellious.

I'm not, I just don't think my greatest purpose

in life is popping out babies.

You might feel differently if you couldn't have them.

And what if you could have, Chitra?

What if you could have had kids?

You wouldn't have had Amaya!

Why are you getting so upset?

People freak out when we don't adopt dogs,

but won't even consider adopting children

in need of a family.

If anyone could understand, I thought it

would have been you.

I do, Savarna.

I work at an IVF clinic.

I see people spend their entire life savings

trying to have children.

If anything, I'm more cynical of pregnancy now.

Have you ever considered that you're

just cynical in general?

Here we go.

Think about this, the whole family

has embraced your sexuality.

And Charley, have you ever stopped to

consider what a miracle that is?

So I should be grateful that my family

didn't stop loving me because I'm gay?

Maybe.

It's not right that it happens, but it does.

And now you know that you have parents

who love you unconditionally.

Therefore I should give 'em a baby?

If it's something you're gonna do anyway, why not?

- Hi, babe. - Hey!

I gotta go.

- Okay, well don't... - Hi.

Hi.

Okay, okay.

I have something to tell you, and it cannot wait.

Did you bring my fish?

Oh yeah, this is your fish, he's really smelly.

- Thank you. - But don't open it yet

because I have an announcement.

What is it?

Okay, today something magical happened.

Drum roll please.

Drum roll please.

I have chosen a thesis topic!

Yay!

And it's amazing, way better than the other ones.

- Really? - Yes.

'Cause I liked the one about the inconsistencies of.

Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

No that sucks, all the other ideas suck.

This new idea has everything.

What is it?

Brace yourself.

I'm braced.

- Are you sure? - I'm sure, babe.

The food's burning, just tell me, come on.

Okay, okay.

It is about the life, death, and descendants

of Siddhartha Gautama.

It's you, it's about you.

But really your family, but I am so excited

about this, babe, I mean I feel inspired.

Like I've already done a mountain of research.

And I think that this could be what I need

to garner some national attention.

This dissertation could catapult me

into the world of elite historians.

You okay?

I don't think this is a good idea.

Okay, I thought you might feel weird

so I thought maybe you'd need a little convincing.

No, I don't need a little convincing.

I need you to drop it.

Okay, well hold on because I went

with my thesis advisor, Dr. Lu, today,

and she and I took your box to a couple

of professors in the chemistry department.

And based on everything that they could find

in the past six hours, those artifacts could

be pretty specifically linked to a very small

part of India about 2500 years ago.

I can't believe you're doing this.

Savarna, Savarna, 2500 years ago, don't you get it?

That is the exact time that Siddhartha

- would have been alive. - Stop.

I'm not saying it's true, but it is possible.

Savarna, where are you going?

What about your...

Fish?

Oh boy.

Hm, that looks like a stucey.

What the hell is a stucey?

You don't remember drawing like three lines

and three lines in elementary school and making that F?

I just usually called it a F.

Like a graffiti F.

Well, now it has an official name.

Well, it always had an official name,

you just didn't know the official name.

You right.

Question, where does Charley think you are right now?

What?

I told her I was with you.

She knows I'm with you.

That's funny 'cause she text me asking me

where you were at.

So you just gon' drink and forget

like I didn't just ask you something?

You know you could sit there and tap your beer and all that,

but that's not gonna make me forget my question.

Because of religious reasons,

my parents want Charley and I to get married

and have a baby like yesterday.

And, you know, Charley's letting it get to her.

Do you even like babies?

I don't know.

I mean, my sister's baby smells good.

Does that count?

- I don't know. - Sniffing your niece!

She smells great sometimes.

- Yeah, right? - Right.

You know what you should do,

you should go to like a daycare or something like that,

test drive the babies.

Go in, just be like "Hey, my name's Savarna.

"Y'all got babies?"

They probably not gonna let you do that.

No, no, no, no.

Top notch idea, Jackson.

I was just throwing stuff out there.

Not creepy at all.

Cheers.

All right.

To another one, cheers.

Oh.

Oh gosh.

You know, you're a great bartender, I might say.

Thanks.

Do you think you were destined to be a bartender?

No.

No, exactly.

Because destiny is made up, okay?

Or it's not, in which case that means it's just awful.

You feel me, Jackson?

No, I believe in destiny.

No, you don't.

Yes I do, I gave her $20 at a strip club.

I guess the word destiny is a bit much,

but I definitely think everything happens for a reason.

Oh yeah?

So you think Shari cheating on you happened for a reason?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

- That was savage. - I'm sorry.

- I know that was a lot. - You know she did me dirty.

You know what I mean, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you right.

But I guess, I guess Shari cheating on me

was probably the best thing to ever happen to me.

You know what I mean?

It made me boss up, I changed everything.

I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

- I love that. - Yeah.

I went on a date the other day.

She had all her teeth.

I'm just trying to get something, I guess,

like what you and Charley got.

You want to know something funny.

Yeah, go ahead.

Before all of this went down, I bought Charley a ring.

You did what?

I did, I bought her a ring!

'Cause I want to marry Charley.

I want to have a baby with Charley,

but I don't wanna do it if my parents

are forcing me to do it.

Okay, so you.

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna propose 'cause your parents

want you to propose?

I guess if you put it that way, yes.

Goddamn!

Savarna!

Yes, Jackson?

Let's make a baby.

Oh, honey, I am very gay.

I know you queer as a $2 bill,

but I think that me, you, and Charley, okay?

Well, you and Charley have the baby.

I wanna give y'all the sperm.

Oh, Jackson!

- Yeah. - I would love to

adopt your sperm.

I love this idea.

I, you know, I got a lot.

Just, what else am I doing with it?

I don't wanna know, but I'll take it when we're ready.

That's lit.

- Whew! - That was a night.

Yeah right?

Oh, man.

You want me to hold that?

Yeah, can you hold this?

- Yeah, I got you. - Thank you.

You gon' call Charley?

No, I need to see her, I need to go to the house.

- That's smart. - Yeah.

That's a good idea.

Everything okay?

I don't know, my mom called me like 100 times,

which is so weird, she never does that.

She still up?

Mama?

Yeah, no, I'll be right there.

Okay, bye.

Mom.

Savarna.

Mom, is Dad okay?

Yes, yes, he's fine.

He's resting.

It was a small heart attack.

He'll be fine, but the doctor thinks he just

needs to make a few changes.

What kind of changes?

Fewer work hours, less stress.

This is because of me right?

No, don't say that.

Look, I know we have been pushing you,

but this has nothing to do with that.

Really?

Really, I promise, I promise.

Okay.

Look, why don't you go home and get some rest,

and come back for breakfast, okay?

No, I can stay if you need me to stay.

No, no, no, no, no, I just sent Chitra home.

Can I give Dad a hug before I go?

Can I help you?

Are you Dr. Lu?

I am, do we have an appointment?

No, no, no, we don't.

But you know my girlfriend Charley, Charley Burnell?

She brought you the family heirlooms.

- The ring? - Yes and the rope thingy.

They're mine, and I just wanna know how old they are.

Oh I see, well, if you'd like to come in

we can discuss.

That's very nice of you, but I'm not looking

for an in-depth analysis.

I just wanna know if they're real?

What exactly do you mean by real?

Well, are they antique store old, museum old,

garage sale old, I just wanna know.

I'd love to tell you, but I have to have them

carbon-dated by a professional first.

Oh, but definitely older than garage sale old.

And on a personal level, these are some of the most

thrilling artifacts I've seen in years.

You should definitely have them looked at

by someone other than me.

And if you got them carbon-dated

how do I know they're not just some like super old crap?

Well, there are ways of tracing artifacts

to a specific location.

If we can verify the correct location

and an approximate year, we can pinpoint them to a very

small group of people who would have most likely owned them.

That's amazing.

Here, let me know when you're done.

Thank you so much!

Oh, no, no, Charley's girlfriend!

I need to have you sign some release paperwork for these.

- I can't just take them. - You're right, I'm so sorry.

I'm in such a rush, it's my bad.

I am so, so, so sorry, babe.

I...

I had a mental breakdown.

No, I didn't have a mental breakdown.

I just want you to know that you are a part of my family,

and I love you so much, too much.

No, not too much.

You are the one.

You are the one, Charley.

You have always been the one.

You are the best person that I know.

And I wanna spend every second with you.

I love you so, so, so much, you have no idea.

And I know I don't say it enough,

and I need to say that I love you more than I do.

And I...

Oh, crap!

Hi.

What are you doing, you're supposed to be upstairs!

No, I just got outta class, but what are you doing?

Can you get inside, please?

Sure.

Thanks.

Damn it.

Okay.

So.

What's goin' on?

I'm just gonna get to the point.

Okay, sounds good.

Have you slept by the way?

Do I look that bad?

You look beautiful, you always look beautiful.

Thank you.

I have a few questions.

Okay.

Do you wanna have a baby?

Uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Do you wanna move in together?

I kinda already live there.

- But yes, I do. - True.

Okay.

Will...

Hold on.

Okay.

What's going on?

Come here.

Are you?

Oh my god.

Will you marry me?

Oh my god, are you kidding?

Are you gonna answer me?

Yes!

What am I, stupid, yes!

- Oh my god! - Here!

I can't believe you did this.

Do you love it?

It's beautiful.

Great party.

Hi, Mom.

These are amazing, by the way.

So happy you made it.

Having a good time I hope?

Mrs. Burnell.

Yes.

Davidia and I are so happy for the girls.

They look so beautiful, don't they?

They really do.

You know, I just loved Savarna from the day I met her.

You raised one hell of a girl, you know?

Oh.

Wait, how long have you known the girls were dating?

From the first day they met.

Charley could not stop talking about her.

I think it was the second, no, it was the third date.

They came over and had coffee with Brian and I.

Oh, how nice.

I just had a feeling Savarna would be the one.

Yes.

Well, you...

I also thought that about Charley.

And did she tell you that she's joining my book club?

Oh, well how nice!

Yes, how nice.

- What's up, Mother? - Oh, there he is!

Yeah, baby!

- Jackson, man. - Cheers.

Congratulations to both of y'all.

- Oh. - It's a beautiful day.

Perfect weather.

- We gon' turn up. - Thank you, thank you.

- Absolutely. - Two-fisted drinker.

I been watching my Bollywood movies.

I'm ready.

You got the moves.

I'm ready to flash mob, baby.

We're dancing with ya.

- Yes! - I'll see ya on the floor.

We're dancing.

Dancing, oh, I'm there!

I really am.

Do you know of bhangra?

That's an Indian dance, light bulb dance.

Did you see Jackson flirting with my mom?

- Yes. - I saw that.

I'm just gonna teach her the electric slide.

You stay away from her.

Anyway, what are they doin' over there?

Should we bring them food?

Yeah, or maybe some pillows.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

She told me that she's meditating

on happy life for the two of you.

- That is so sweet. - So sweet.

That's my Ma.

- Oh. - Oop, she's coming.

Yep, she's on her way.

- Girls! - Mike, hi!

I'm so happy for you two!

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Welcome to the family, Charley.

Oh thank you, a strawberry with a bite out of it.

The food is amazing by the way.

Mm-hm.

Did your mom make this stuff?

Oh no, she can't cook.

I am sure she had it delivered.

- This is incredible. - Mm-hm.

I mean, wow.

Maybe Chitra and I should renew our vows.

Just for catering?

How romantic!

- And she's here. - Yay!

- Oh, Ma. - Hi Jitanna-Ji.

What?

Oh, she says that is very slimming outfit.

Oh, yeah.

Jitanna-Ji, hey, let's get some food, mm.

Want some food?

Yes, salmon puffs.

Yes, the chicken of the sea.

You've had salmon before?

Salmon's not the chicken of the sea.

Definitely not.

Usually when I help facilitate tests like these

they're to appraise heirlooms for their monetary value,

but as you can see we have something

much more interesting on our hands.

Oh wow.

You guys, this is pretty amazing.

Mr. Sikand, is everything okay?

Dr. Lu, thank you for doing this.

Finally to find some sort of proof is just overwhelming.

But they would be worth a lot

like if we wanted to sell them?

We're not selling them, Michael!

And shouldn't you be with the baby?

She's with my mom.

And this is a very historic family meeting,

and I'm part of the family too.

Wait, shouldn't Grandma be here too?

Oh, she says she already knew how old they are

so apparently she does not need to be here.

Does anyone have any questions for me?

Yes.

Do Savarna and I have any powers?

What?

You know, like Buddhist powers.

I mean, since we're related to him

aren't we like super enlightened?

To be clear, I can't confirm that any of you

are related to Siddhartha.

Wait a minute, I thought that's why we were all here.

To see if we had Buddhist superpowers.

No, guys, Dr. Lu can only tell us

where the items came from and when they were made.

But that does tell us a lot about them.

Like what?

Buddha wore them?

Not necessarily, but they are connected

to a very secluded and very old sect

of the Buddha's original followers.

The materials used in the robe

were particularly specific.

In fact, the tests were so conclusive

that I would have to suggest you

get a safe for these items and I wouldn't let anyone

outside the family know you have them.

- Agreed. - I agree.

Why?

Well, there might be more interest than you'd like.

Aside from scientists and historians,

there are over 350 million Buddhists in the world.

And you think they would care?

Well, let me put it this way.

If anyone in the modern world were related to Jesus

this would be the best type of proof you could ask for.

So we're like related to Jesus too?

Jesus?

Jesus Christ.

Let me handle this.

You're not related to Jesus.

- Huh? - It's a metaphor.

What is a metaphor?

Hey.

What's up?

Hey, thank you for coming on such short notice.

Not yet.

Hey, so you're ready?

Oh yeah, I got my little magazine and everything.

Is that a lingerie catalog?

I couldn't find nothin' else.

I like it, nostalgic.

So where's he gonna do all this?

Good question.

Guys, the bathroom.

Right!

- That makes sense. - Okay.

- All right. - He's so smart.

- Yes, he is! - Yes!

Hey, y'all want me to leave it in there

or bring it out here?

Sure, no, you know what?

Just leave it on the counter, I'll grab it.

- Smart. - Yeah.

Have fun!

I will!

Did you just say, "Have fun"?

I don't know.

I was fine before he got here,

and then he got here and he's like doing.

He's ejaculating, sweetie.

In our bathroom.

Oh no, not near the good hand towels!

I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to make things weird,

it's just so intimate, babe.

You're not making it weird.

I just wanna make sure that you still really wanna do this.

Yes, but does Jackson wanna do this?

Jackson is doing it right now.

I mean, does Jackson wanna do this after I'm pregnant?

Are you worried he's gonna freak out or something?

Babe, babe, babe, babe, you are the only one

freaking out.

Jackson is so excited to be like cool, uncle-dad.

I promise.

It's fine.

You're right, it's gonna be fine.

I just need to relax, just.

- Relax. - Everything's gonna be fine.

- Exactly. - It's gonna be all right.

Yes.

What do you think he's doing in there?

I'm really trying not to picture it, but it's hard.

Ugh, I don't wanna picture that.

- No, not hard, like. - Ugh!

No.

Actually, in my head it's kinda hairy.

- Please! - I'm sorry.

Hey, can y'all stop?

I'm trying to concentrate!

Sorry!

Should we go to another room or like another...

That's so gross.

Ew!

Okay, well, the job is done.

- My job, you know, - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Sorry. - We get it.

Okay, yeah.

I'm a just.

Oh, hey, Jackson, just to confirm,

this is 100% totally okay with you, right?

Of course, I love y'all so.

Thank you so much.

- Don't mention it, all right? - Thank you.

I'll see you at work.

- Yup. - Okay.

- Bye, Jackson. - Bye!

I'm ready.

- Get in there. - All right.

I'm bringing blankets, I'm bringing pillows,

I'm bringing candles.

Ew, oh my god!

He left his nasty magazine on the counter.

I'm not touching that, babe.

That is so gross!

Okay, I will get it.

All right, this is gonna work.

Yeah, it's gonna work.

It's not gonna work, I'm barren.

Savarna, you don't know that.

How many times have you tried?

Twice at home and three times in the clinic.

Maybe it's Jackson's sperm.

No, no, I checked, it's me.

My body's a failure.

Stop, you're not a failure, it just takes time.

Or maybe your body's just too gay to take the sperm.

Nice.

What about Charley?

Maybe Charley can carry the baby.

That doesn't make sense, Dad.

Then it wouldn't have Sikand blood.

Well, it could be Savarna's egg,

Jackson's donation, and Charley's oven, boom, bingo!

It's not a bad idea.

Mom's gonna hate that.

Whew, my mom's gonna hate that.

That's why we're not telling any moms

until it's absolutely necessary.

What?

I can keep secrets.

Remember that time when you through that house party

in high school while Mom and Dad were in Hawaii?

Or that time you broke that vase?

Or the time that you borrowed their car without asking,

and then you wrecked it?

I blamed my ex-boyfriend for that.

Or that time you got an F in theater

and you tried to make it look like an A.

Oh my god, or that time you told Mom and Dad

you couldn't go to school because you had Mono.

Or that time you got so drunk you started prairie dogging

on the neighbor's front lawn, remember that?

Mom, Mama!

Hey.

Oh, good, you're here!

Where's Charley?

She's working on her thesis.

Why are there monks outside?

Oh them, they've been around a couple of days.

Yeah, there were a few guys outside of our place too.

They blessed Mike on his way to work.

Well, I asked Grandma and all she would say

is she knows them.

Oh, that's creepy.

So they're just showing up everywhere you are or what?

Yeah, it looks that way.

But you know I told your grandmother they have

to stay outside because this isn't a bed and breakfast.

Very Buddha-like generosity, Ma.

Oh gosh, Mom, you cannot keep this here.

What?

You probably shouldn't put the certificate

of your priceless artifacts on display

- in the living room. - Right.

And you think I can't keep a secret.

You can't.

Well, I'm sorry that I'm proud of my heritage.

I mean, I have two nice antiques,

and I can't even display them?

Well, if anything's going to draw attention to us

it's the robed men singing on the lawn.

They're chanting not singing, but you do have a point.

Well, I'm hoping that the monks are here

because maybe Savarna has some good news.

Maybe.

- Hey, baby. - Hey, babe.

You want some coffee?

No, I'm good, it's 10 o'clock.

What's happening over here?

Is this some kind of conspiracy theory?

Oh no, no, this is just the research, you know the...

- Oh! - Damn it!

I can see that.

You know Jackson's on his way, right?

What?

Jackson's coming over right now?

I thought that we were meeting him at the clinic next week.

No, he's on his way as a friend.

- Right. - Remember a friend?

Yes, no, I knew that, okay, it's coming back to me now.

- Uh huh. - Yes.

Baby, what is this research

on politics and climate change?

Well.

I mean, I thought you were

studying the ancient Buddhist sects.

Well, I am.

- Really? - Yeah.

'Cause it looks like your thesis is on the apocalypse.

It could be both.

How can it be both?

Okay.

Do you really wanna know?

- Yeah. - All right, sit down.

Okay, so we know that Dr. Lu traced those artifacts

back to a sect that was living right about here, okay,

right about the time that we expected.

50 years before the Buddha dies, right?

- Sure. - Right.

And the sect is protecting the bloodline,

but not just because Buddha's their leader.

Why would they do that?

They did it because they thought that

Buddha might rise again.

I am talking about reincarnation.

Come on.

And you're laughing, okay.

I understand, it sounds nuts,

but it is not the coffee, just listen.

Charley, I'm really trying to understand,

but I feel like you're getting caught up.

Ah, ah, ah, the fall of the Roman Empire, hm?

The invention of electricity,

the discovery of America, Hitler, climate change,

all events predicted by the sect.

- That's crazy. - I know!

But Dr. Lu and I have been comparing all

of our translations and we think that there

were some clairvoyants living in the sect around 5 BC,

and all of these predictions, Savarna,

over 80% of them point to real world events

that have actually happened.

And the last prediction that they made

was that the Buddha would be reborn and he will come to...

He will come to the family,

which carries Siddhartha's blood, exact translation.

So 20% of the predictions never came true?

Oh, Savarna, come on.

I'm not trying to convert you here,

but this is real data, this is real stuff.

Come on.

We don't even know if Buddha has even risen.

I mean, my father could be Buddha, it could be me.

- Nope, nope, the monks. - We don't know.

I don't get it.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

"The devout followers of Buddha," monks,

"shall be drawn to the child, and where they gather

"surely the second coming shall be found."

Hello.

The monks?

Yes, the monks.

So we're gonna have a Buddha baby?

I'm sensing a little sarcasm from you, but yes.

I think it's actually possible.

Well, all right, where is it because I am waiting?

Hm, where is it?

Oh, he could be calling.

Do you think that the Buddha uses technology?

Well, let's just see.

Hey!

Hey.

Oh my god, Savarna, look, look, she's walking!

Uh, Chitra?

- That's kinda weird. - Something's not...

Damn it, she was!

She's not, I don't think she's

doing what you think.

Isn't she a little young to be walking?

Way too young.

Well, that's why I wanted to show you guys.

I thought I had a genius baby.

Hold on, hold on.

I'm gonna bribe her.

Come on, sweetie.

Come on, baby, yeah.

Walk to chocolate, huh, huh?

Walk to chocolate, yeah.

- She's eight months old. - Mm-hm.

Yeah, you want it.

Look chocolate's walking, oh!

Do what chocolate's doing.

Walk.

Okay, so who's idea was it for me to give up my Saturday?

Actually it was your sister.

She called last night and said she found a temple nearby.

Wait, Savarna wanted to do this?

Yes, and we thought it would be a nice gesture.

Your grandmother is used to having praying everyday

so we thought a little trip, a nice family time together.

Is this the place?

Well, if that's what the map says, Davidia.

Mike!

Charley!

Check out my robe.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

I think it's called a quatro baghera.

It's Daddy daughter day?

Do you know what that means?

I was gonna watch TV on the couch all day alone

drinking adult beverages.

Why am I not doing that, sis?

Oh, Chitra, don't worry.

Don't be so cynical, it's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be great.

Davidia, are you feeling okay?

Did you know this was a Korean temple?

Yes, Savarna told me.

She said the closest Indian temple was in Long Beach.

Oh, oh, well, this is a very beautiful place.

Oh, hey, guys, I think they're gonna start soon.

But we have to wait for Jitanna-Ji.

Oh no, she will be coming with the monks.

You mean those monks?

They've been here since we got here.

What?

Mama, did you bring the certificate with you?

Be quiet, Chitra.

We talked about this!

Bringing the certificate to temple is not down low.

I can make my own decisions, I'm a grown woman.

But don't tell your father.

Apparently she will be observing the ceremony

from out here.

But why, this is all for her.

Savarna, just.

Dad, I!

Jitanna-Ji took my baby.

What are we gonna do?

I know, but she always does this.

Oh my god, really?

You're serious?

No, no, I'm gonna tell her, I just can't believe it.

Thank you so much, thank you.

- Okay, bye. - Is everything okay?

Oh my god.

We are gonna have a baby!

Shut up.

I swear, that was the doctor.

- We're gonna have a baby? - Yes!

Oh my god, we're gonna have a baby!

- Savarna. - What?

I know, honestly, I can't believe it either!

Savarna, Savarna.

Maitreya, Maitreya.

What is he saying?

Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya.

It's like Maitreya?

I don't know, what?

Maitreya.

- I don't. - Maitreya.

They're saying Maitreya.

- What does that mean? - It means future Buddha.

Oh my god.

That's a Buddha baby.

Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya.

What?

Should I get Chitra?

Yeah.

I'm gonna get Chitra, wow.

Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya.

They predict that the Buddha will be reborn...

I'm hoping that the monks are here because,

you know, maybe Savarna has some good news.

Where is it because I am waiting?

And he will come to...

Well, that's why I wanted to show you guys.

I thought I had a genius baby.

Chitra, should I give her the baby?

I don't think it's optional.

He will come to the family,

which carries Siddhartha's blood, exact translation.

Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya, Maitreya.

You know you're not gonna hear anything, right?

It sounds like when you put a seashell beside your ear.

Woo!

- Might be digestion. - Don't talk about my baby.

Davidia, can you please go get the drinks, please?

One minute, I'm looking for a place

to put Charley's cranberry salad.

Davidia, are you trying to sneak a taste?

- My favorite. - I know.

I'll put a big, big scoop on your plate, okay?

No, no, no, just little bit, thank you.

No, no, no, no, Charley, save it for the others, yeah.

Oh, you know what, the monks might want some.

Yes, and Grandma, Grandma.

- They love cranberry salad! - Hello, monks!

Okay, I brought you guys some cranberry salad.

Davidia, the turkey please.

Yeah, okay.

Mike, Mike, please could you get the turkey?

- Yeah. - Chitra, honey, Chitra?

Please go get Amaya, okay?

Yes, Mom.

Oh, sweetheart, you stay where you are.

Just relax, okay?

Turkey coming through.

Watch out, watch out.

- Wonderful. - Turkey.

Excuse me.

- Okay. - Get some more, Mike.

Oh, Mike.

I know you want this, there you go.

Yes, I made it all night last night.

- Okay. - Okay.

Thank you for being here, everyone.

It is so nice to have my whole family here around the table.

It has been an odd year, but a special one.

I am so grateful for all of you

and for all the strange circumstances

that have brought us together here.

I want to welcome my mother who has come from far away.

And also...

To a new member of Sikand family.

Charley.

Thank you, guys.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

- Happy Thanksgiving. - Thanksgiving, my darling.

Beautiful.

Oh, I suggest you start

with Charley's cranberry salad.

I don't really know how to say this.

We're scared of our baby.

What?

We're scared of our baby.

See what I mean?

Sometimes we feel as if she's judging us.

Yesterday I lied when I spoke to Mom on the phone

about being able to come over and help make naan,

and she looked at me like she was disappointed in me.

She's not even one.

Spiritually she's much older than one.

How old do you think she is?

Like 16.

100.

Oh.

It is so hard to know how to parent a Buddha.

And Grandma says we'll probably have to move

to India soon so there's that.

Wait, what?

India?

Pack your bags.

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Women don't just bring friends to dinner.

They gonna know.

I hear your Mom's voice now.

Oh, Savarna, my little sweetie.

Who's this?

- Can I just? - Why is she a woman?

Let's go, let's go.

I'm sorry.

- Stop it. - Mom, come back!

Hi, Grandma!

Hello, Ji.

Huh?

What did she say?

The baby, the baby.

- Your baby. - I'm sorry.

Yeah, I didn't know you guys were gonna

know when I got here so.

- Ah, it's cool. - Know, know?

Know what?

Oh, she's gay.

Where were you at this whole time?

Oh, right!

We're back to that.

But I am assuming you're gonna call Savarna tomorrow.

No, that's not the one.

I am ready, it just doesn't look like it right now.

Do you like butterflies?

- No. - Me neither.

- No more butterflies. - You gotta get rid of that.

Thank you.

Remember when the bartender was drunker than us?

Right, right, it happens.

What?

- What's up, ladies? - Jackson!

- Yeah, hey! - Oh!

Come on, we hugging.

- It's a special drink. - I turned the wrong way.

So we're related to Jesus too?

Jesus?

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Cut.

Oh, okay, ejaculation, ejaculation.

What?

What?

How's this thing?

- Was that good? - Yeah.

What is he doing?

Nene.

Let's get the happy juices flowin'.

Happy juice, happy juice, happy juice.

I hate my life, I hate me life.

We made a baby, we're happy.

Cheers!