Original subtitles

[spooky upbeat music]

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[hard rock spooky music]

[hard rock spooky music]

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- [sighs] I've been waiting for a bash like this all year!

Aah, this is gonna be so epic!

Thank you for putting this together, Dr. Sado.

- Yes, I think it will be fun.

I'm glad I thought it over unrelented. [snickering]

It is important for company morale

to have an office party, once in a while.

And I've been wanting to do something crazy.

- Something crazy?

Aah, girl, this here is crazy town

and you're the mayor of it.

- Ahh, come on Foxy,

try to get into the party spirit. [laughs]

Now tell us Dr. Sado,

what kinda crazy thing do you have planned?

You know, I'm always down.

- When I was in Africa last year,

I came across an enigmatic elixir

called 'Rowandanarutaram'.

- Oh, here we go.

Look, I may be black,

but I will go white girl on you and call the cops.

- For me, it was euphoric and mind-expanding.

Basically, I was tripping on the balls.

I'm curious to see its effects on others.

I insist, everyone at this party

must partake. [snickering]

- [laughing] Throwing a party

and providing the party favors too! [laughing]

Best boss ever!

Awesome possum!

- There is no possible way that can go wrong.

If y'all don't mind,

I'll just stay here from the bleachers and watch, okay?

- Oh, but I do mind.

When I say everyone, I mean everyone.

Even partial everyones.

- [snickering] Well, when you say it that way,

[sarcastically chuckling]

how can I refuse that sweet old wrinkly face of yours?

- Good!

Iggy!

When everyone arrives, bring them into my office.

- You got it!

[Dr. Sado snickering]

- Woo! [murmurs]

[murmurs]

You like this wig?

- [Trixie] So cute.

- So cute.

[crowd murmuring]

- [clearing throat] I'm so happy to have this little soiree.

You've all been doing such a bang up job here at the office,

I appreciate the hard work.

Hold off on the drinks for now,

because I have some special gifts for everybody.

Iggy! Get the special gifts!

- Yay, present!

[breasts wiggling]

- One for the jungle queen,

so hottie and serene.

- Aww! [chuckling]

Oh my gosh,

this better be that Tiffany necklace you keep promising me.

- One for the fool, who flunked out the school.

- Why are you talking like Dr. Seuss?

I don't get it.

- It's okay, I still think you're smart.

- And one for the slave, who used to be an aid.

Hey! And because of me, your life is saved.

- Thank you, thank you Mr. Sado.

- Oh, hey, Dr. Sado,

you want me to beatbox behind those rhymes?

I've been taking online classes.

- Shut up before I beat your butts to a pulp!

[Temptress laughing]

More presents!

And one for the messenger,

who did not get an invite, but is somehow here on site.

Good thing I had an extra, so I can continue my agenda.

- Nice, I'm loving my packages.

Nice and big, can't wait to see what comes out of it.

- I can't wait to swallow it.

- Oh, me neither!

- Shut up!

And one, for the head, whose body is dead.

- Are you laughing about my body being dead?

But long, long ago, your soul was shed,

making your tiny little heart black as lead,

and you're acting like there's nothing that you dread?

- Ooh!

- But one dark day, you're gonna get bled.

The last thing you're gonna see is motherfucking red!

- Oooh! Mic drop! [laughing] [snapping]

- I'm gonna forget that I even heard that.

[water bubbling]

Oh, and one for the minion with too much opinion.

- Oh, yes! So psyched.

I knew the good doctor wouldn't forget about me.

- Careful with that good stuff, eh?

All right, everybody,

You can go [mumbles] your outfits,

and then come back here in 10 minutes,

and then we're gonna party all night long!

[upbeat techno music]

[squishing sounds]

- Oh my god, Temptress!

Your jungle-queen outfit is so cute.

I'm tots jelly.

- [chuckling] Thanks, mama.

You make a badass, Jester Jane.

And you, you make a very sexy, H2O Joe.

- Thanks, I do work out.

- Mm, yeah, you gonna gobble me up with that salad spork?

Mm [imitates barking] - [laughing] This trident

is a little cheesy,

but I'm really digging these sweet tights.

- Oh my god, when you do that,

you look exactly like H2O Joe from the movie.

Hey Trixie, have you seen the latest H2O Joe movie?

- Mm hmm.

- Doesn't he look exactly like him?

- Oh, you're right. That's crazy.

I love that movie.

You know the part where the octopus plays

the drum solo? [mumbles]

In my mind,

scientists say those animals are really smart.

- Wait, they are?

- But I bet it still took them so much time

to teach that thing how to use drumsticks,

especially with all those tentacles.

- Ooh, tentacle sex,

am I right? - Ew.

- What are you supposed to be? A homeless 10-year old?

[laughter]

- Nah, I think I'm supposed to be

like a shabby version of Arachnid Andy,

which is kinda dope, right?

[electronic dance music]

- Iggy, whatcha doing back there?

Come on out, I wanna see what you're wearing.

[electronic dance music]

Oh honey, mmmmmmmmmmh.

- [sighs] Uh, yeah.

I think Dr. Sado must have given me the wrong costume.

Oh, but she got it right with you though.

You make the perfect magnificent maiden.

- Wrong costume?

You should know her by now.

You really thought she was gonna make you

superman or something?

Nah, look at yourself.

Dr. Sado made you the damn, maintenance man.

I don't understand

why you still worship the ground she walks on

with the way she treats you.

- Okay, well, watch where you shoot that web.

[loud bang] - Oh!

- Behold! It is I, fierce Fem.

- [laughs] far out!

- And now, my superhero party can officially begin.

Iggy, pass out the 'Rowandanarutaram',

why won't you?

[suspenseful music]

[mumbles]

- Ooh, it smells funny.

- It's fresh, that's why.

- Dragpool, where did you come from?

- You can't have a real superhero party

without Dragpool, sweetness.

- She got good hair.

- Oh uh, Dr. Sado, uh, looks like we need one more serving.

- Well done, my faithful, but annoying henchman.

Do us all a favor, why won't you?

And make yourself scarce for the rest of the night.

- Uh, what?

Uh, but I've been waiting for this party all year.

- Okay, you can stay.

Stay and clean the office bathroom. [laughs sarcastically]

[laughter]

Seriously, though, the [mumbles] getting pretty mildew.

I'd appreciate it if you'd help yourself that way.

- Oh, brutal.

- Byeeeeeee.

- And now, a toast.

- Oh, but Dr. Sado,

maybe I could whip up those caramelized loquats,

you know, in those little pressed quinoa cups

I was telling you about.

You know, I could even serve it up to everyone

on a silver platter.

Old school, right? [laughing]

- That mildew is not gonna bleach itself.

Get out!

- [snickering] Bye.

- Now, where was I? A toast

to mental health and alternative medicine.

[loud laser]

[sipping]

- No, I'm not doing it.

- Mine tastes weird.

- [exhale] Let the murder games begin.

- What? [suspicious sound]

- I mean, the games begin.

The games not having to do with murder at all.

Just kidding, sorry about that.

- The only thing that's gonna get murdered is my pussy.

[tongue vibrates]

[laughter]

[futuristic music]

- Wow, that's really big.

- Tem, you look ferocious.

[mumbles] for such magnificent advantage.

- The things I do for a little spending money

and some bling.

- Not bling, affection. Friendship.

A strong, mutual bondage.

I mean, bond.

We are like spirits of the dead.

Creatures skipping over the river sticks.

In [mumbles] powered jet skis. [imitating engine sounds]

[whip slashes]

- Listen, I'm here, aren't I?

Doesn't that prove my loyalty?

Does that not satisfy you, Dr. Sado?

- Not Dr. Sado, fierce Fem!

You need to get serious.

It's bullshit if it's not serious!

- Whatever, fierce Fem! God.

- Why'd you bring this stupid shirtless man along anyway?

[whip smacking] Ow!

- Jealous much?

- I'm not jealous, but I'm feeling real gelatinous.

- [laughing] Oh, baby, you are in deep.

You know I'm not really feeling anything yet.

Hey, um, Trixie! Are you feeling anything?

Why are you in the corner?

I really don't feel anything.

[grunting] [swords clash]

- You look marvelous, lovely as a rose.

- Huh! Well, you'll find I still thorns as well. [laughs]

[swords clash] - I'd be devastated,

if you hadn't.

- Ooh, spoken like a true gallant.

[swords clashing] - And soon to be legend.

[swords clashing] - But not a living one!

[laughs sarcastically] - Oh, is that what you think?

[swords clashing] - It is![laughs sarcastically]

[swords clashing] [laughter]

[swords clashing] [laughter]

- Well, then. So long sailor!

[grunts]

[electric funk music]

- Oh, my god.

Shake it, baby. Shake it.

[electricity sounds]

[upbeat house music]

[upbeat music]

[mumbles]

I can feel your legs.

Oh god, they feel so silky.

Oh god! These are the sexiest legs I've ever seen.

I wanna put my mouth in them.

[upbeat house music]

[moans] Oh, you taste like chocolate sin.

Ooh [muffled sounds]

[upbeat house music]

- Really, the tower?

You can eclipse my ass, Mr. Moonman.

The last thing I need in my busy schedule

is a sudden disaster.

Now get your head out of the clouds

and reshuffle. [clicks]

[Moonman snaps]

[mumbles]

[carnival music]

- Hmm.

Hmm.

Huh!

Ooh!

[surprise gasps]

[bopping noise]

[laughing]

- [Machine Pop Up] Ow!

[laughing]

[machine pop ups grunt]

- [Machine Pop Up] Ouch!

[screams]

[laughing]

- [Machine Pop Up] Please stop! Please!

[upbeat house music]

- Eyeball! What are you doing here eyeball?

You want to party? Hey!

[upbeat house music]

Hey, chill pill! Your joining us, too?

That's what I thought.

Chill, pill, chill, pill.

Sushi! I love that you could make it today.

Sushi!

[upbeat house music]

It's a party up in here! Aye!

I love you guys!

Hey, this is the best!

Eyeball! Hey! I see you! I see you!

Hey!

[upbeat house music]

[mumbles]

[animated sounds]

[dramatic music]

[imitating monster growls]

[bike horn squeezed repeatedly]

[dramatic music]

[imitating monster growls]

[imitating monster growls]

[evil laughing]

[metals knocking against each other]

- Huh! Huh! Hello Mary,

this is what I get for taking a peek at fucking circus porn!

Get the fucking, get off me! [sighs]

I gotta get some water!

[dramatic music]

- [grunts] Where's Temptress?

[door creaks open]

- Oh god, my head.

Oh my god, it feels like a disco ball during an earthquake.

[breathes heavily] I need some fucking water.

I'm more thirsty than a fucking tweaker at Pride.

All right, okay. [breathing heavily]

Got the water. [breathing heavily]

What the fuck?

Does this thing have a goddamn child lock

on it or something?

[mumbles]

Dr. Sado, you know what?

My head really hurts,

I cannot deal with your cougar-town fantasy right now,

all right?

- Who are you to reject fierce Fem?

Why do you react so strangely to the embodiment

of carnal desire, talking about me.

- Carnal desire? More like carnival desire.

Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?

You look like Bozo the Clown.

- You stupid hoe.

How dare you cast aside my alabaster charms.

- Alabaster? What a baloney!

Okay, listen to me, I have had it.

I can find me my new sugar daddy, sugar momma,

sugar, sugar bitch!

All right? The one that will buy me all the jewelry

I ever fucking wanted.

That's it. I've had it! [snaps]

Aah! [grunts from pain]

Aah! Fuck my knee!

- Yes! [mumbles] I swear to the shadow of demon night.

As this night is done,

you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance.

- Ew! You can never pay me enough

to drink your rancid, sick, curdled baby powder!

- [growling] I should terminate you

for being so cruel to me!

- [whimpering] Okay, okay, okay. I see you are upset.

Me too, you know what?

I've drank something

and it's fucked with my head, all right?

Wearing these tight costumes,

it's hot in here, okay?

You know what, Dr. Sado, just calm down,

this isn't real, okay?

This is some funny, tripped out game. [uneasy laughing]

- It's not Dr. Sado, stupid,

it's fierce Fem!

And I have been keeping it real,

but maybe it's time for me show you

the really, really, really real me!

- Oh my god! She does have a dick!

Oh god, help! It's growing!

[whimpering]

Oh my god, you've just sweated everywhere!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooh my god!

- Open your legs!

Open your legs!

Your legs! - Oh god!

You've been a mutant this whole time?

And your mutant is a broad?

A goddamn ugly broad!

- Give me some tush.

Give me some tush.

Poor lost soul.

You know nothing, but I can help you.

Come closer.

Come closer. - [crying] No.

- Come closer.

- [crying] Oh no!

Get that genital warts away from me!

I gotta, I gotta go!

[upbeat house music]

- Oh, hey, I see you're all alone. [growls]

[upbeat house music]

[magical sounds]

- I vote, too, for this modern redux of hot potato.

If you can't afford to go to outer space,

[chuckles] bring outer space to you.

[upbeat house music]

[magical sound]

- Oh man! It's like a fitness ball

made out of shooting stars.

[upbeat house music]

[magical sound]

- Ew, what is this thing?

It just jumped into my hands from out of nowhere

and it's grossing me out.

Ew, get out of here.

[magical sounds]

- Oh my god.

I'm juggling big balls.

They're so sparkly.

Wow! We...

Who wants to juggle my big, sparkly balls?

- Now, that you put it that way, how can I refuse?

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

- [chuckles] I'm kind of bummed I missed out.

[laughing] But that shower tile never looked better.

Squeaky clean. [laughing]

How are you doing, babe?

- I can feel my feet. [sighs]

My toes [sighs]

I can feel my toes!

Iggy!

I can walk again! [laughing]

- Um, Foxy?

I think you're still hallucinating.

- Damn you! [mumbles] rude [mumbles]

[ocean water sounds]

[fearful cries]

[running sounds]

[seagulls squealing]

[ocean water sounds]

- That's why I had to retire from this business.

In my day we made art, not garbage.

- [frightful cries] No, you know what, Dr. Sado?

I'll do it. I will shallow your goddamn sperm, okay?

- It's a metaphor, dumbo! Look it up.

- And now for the full treatment

minus the 20% because of the employee discount.

[screams]

[waves crashing]

[seagulls squealing]

This is my happening,

and it's freaking me the fuck out!

What a great day!

[seagulls squealing] [waves crashing]

[eerie music]

[waves crashing]

[gasping]

Wow!

Seriously, wow! [gasping]

What a bizarro nightmare. [gasping]

Wow! I gotta tell Kansas about this doozy.

[phone keypad tone]

[gasping]

Hey, I just had a nutso dream about Dolls,

and so Trippy, I still feel like I'm on acid.

[gasping] No, no I haven't touched that stuff in decades.

Listen, there was this ugly drag queen,

I guess she was supposed to be me.

But she had this mutant coming out of her stomach. [gasping]

Remember that weird guy from the house?

Yeah, Shawn. The one with the dead stuffed animal stooping?

Yeah, well, he was in it

hitting on this chick with no body.

And he was licking a table.

Man, if this was a movie,

it'd be trashier than Pink Flamingos.

And not in a good way.

I mean, why is my mind generating such low-budget rubbish?

What do you think it all means?

Yeah, I may be feeling the pressure.

Dolls is 50 this year.

You know,

it's part of the criterion collection, right?

It's a big deal.

It's a classic now.

Just like Casablanca.

I bet a ton of those productions

are gonna try to rip us off.

[sighs] Oh, don't worry,

I would never agree to do any lame cameos.

[upbeat classical music]