Original subtitles

[dark electronic music]

[upbeat club music]

♪ Oh, baby

♪ I know you wanna

♪ Get

♪ Ah

♪ Mmm, yeah

♪ So you wanna get uh, uh

♪ So you wanna get ooh, yeah

♪ And you wanna get ah

♪ And you wanna get uh

♪ And you wanna get ah

♪ And you wanna get ah, ah, ah

♪ Ooh, and you wanna get ah

♪ And you wanna get ah, yeah

♪ Get

♪ Ah

♪ Ooh

[sex doll squeaks]

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪ You wanna get ooh

♪ Yeah

[Mr. Topper clears throat]

♪ And you wanna get

- Excuse me.

♪ And you wanna get ah, ah, ah

Excuse me.

♪ And you wanna get ah

♪ And you wanna get uh

[clears throat] Excuse me!

- What?

I'm sorry. I'm drooling.

That video is so good.

Mmm, can I help you?

- Yes, finally you can.

We are here to see Dr. Sado.

- Oh, such a lovely couple!

Where'd you find this hooker?

On Craig's List?

I thought they get rid of that shit.

- She is not, we are old acquaintances.

- Okay.

- Keep your smart ass comments to yourself.

- All right, whatever.

Dr. Sado, your next patient's here. [sniffs]

And bring an air freshener.

- I have never!

- Yeah, mmhmm, it's called deodorant, baby.

- Ignore her Chelsea.

- She can't really smell but I can.

[door creaks]

- Nope, mmm, no.

I go first.

Always.

[sex doll squeaks]

I wish you would remember that.

No, I'll shut the door.

And game face on 'cause we're meeting people now.

- Mmm, hello, Mr. Topper, and who is this?

- This is Chelsea.

Say hello, Chelsea.

[deep vibrating thrumming]

- I'm sorry, they're being very rude.

- They who?

- Chelsea is non-binary.

They is their preferred pronoun.

- Mmm, well, uh, have a seat, the two of you.

- No, you watch me sit, 'cause I'm better.

Now you have permission to sit.

[sex doll squeaks]

- [clears throat] So how can I help, uh, both of you?

- Chelsea is supposed to be a bottom

but they insist on being a top.

And I'm terrified!

- Terrified that you might like it?

- No!

Look, I'm not crazy.

Chelsea, it, the thing sitting next to me, is alive

and it has a very bad temper!

But I can't help but be infatuated.

Can you blame me?

Look at them.

- Ah.

- Chelsea is so sexy.

- Okay, I see what's going on here.

What you need is a little space from Chelsea

so that we can talk freely.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Chelsea wouldn't like that at all!

They would be very angry!

- Well, you can tell them that this is my fucking office

and I'm going to do what I want!

Both of you can sit tight, I'll be right back.

[Mr. Topper stammers]

[door creaks]

[dramatic bang]

- Who the fuck does that cunt think she is?

- Please don't cause a scene.

- I thought you brought us here for couples therapy

but what I'm really starting to think

is that you're just trying to rat me out!

- Chelsea, how could you think that?

I would never try to pull a fast one on you.

I love you baby,

I would never-- - Don't baby me,

you sniveling shit-for-brains pile of puke!

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry, be better!

- I know, I suck.

[water bubbling]

[water splashes]

[Temptress sighs]

- [chuckles] Okay, okay, everybody get a load of this.

I got a patient in there who thinks his sex doll

is alive! [laughs]

I'm going to have so much fun with this one.

He's kind of a big guy, though, so I'm gonna need

everybody's help to sedate him for the treatment.

Iggy, you get the tranquilizer.

- You got it, boss.

- Mr. Johnson, you get the straitjacket.

- Yes, Mistress.

- Temptress, I'm gonna want you by my side.

- Uh huh, you know, um, that sounds like a lot of work.

I think I'm gonna go check my email.

- Okay, but I'll miss you.

- [Temptress] Mmhmm.

- Foxie, you can sit this one out. [laughs]

- [laughs] You're cracking yourself up

but you're the only one laughing, though.

- By the way, did you notice anything different

about Foxie, Dr. Sado?

- Boob job?

Been working out?

- Her hair, her makeup, her jewelry?

She's stunning!

- Iggy, nobody cares that you took the bat

out of her haircut, all right?

Now, everybody [claps] focus!

We gotta do this as a team.

Let's go and do it!

[rhythmic percussive music]

[door creaks]

[laughs] Look at this idiot!

He punched himself in his own eye! [laughs]

What a ridiculous disgrace to humanity this creature is!

Iggy, get rid of this doll!

Mr. Johnson, put him in a straitjacket. [laughs]

- Yes, Mistress.

[buckles jingle]

- Hmm, I don't think that's gonna work.

Um, put him in something else.

Be creative, huh?

- Yes, Mistress.

[Iggy sighs]

[Iggy groans]

- Just because I'm a henchman doesn't mean I get to do

all the dirty work.

[groans] God.

Like, literally, fricking dirty!

[electronic whirring]

Who? Fuck!

[loud thud]

- I have no more fucks to give, you contorted crybaby!

[Mr. Topper grunts]

[Mr. Topper screams]

- I have a sneaking suspicion that you are secretly a bottom

and love to be dominated. [chuckles]

- Who, me?

I'm a top.

I may be hard to handle, I'm a lot, but I'm a top

just like Meatwad.

Meatball!

- Okay, Cat in Hat, you totally bonkers!

I don't know where you start the rap [laughs]

but you don't even rhyme!

Sounds like you're bottoming out. [laughs]

- Oh, enough about my sex life!

Listen, you crusty old hag with a handbag!

You are in danger!

Everyone is in danger!

When Chelsea gets upset, people disappear!

- I'm tired of you babbling on about this nonsense.

- I'm not babbling!

- I'm the only one here - You sound like a

- who makes any sense! - broken record.

- I-- [muffled speaking]

- Yeah, here we go, right.

Shut you up a little bit, huh?

Paranoid schizophrenia, a very serious case.

It's a chronic mental disorder in which a person

is withdrawn from reality.

The condition is accentuated by delusions like, I dunno,

you thinking your sex doll is alive!

But don't worry, I can fix it.

I just have to look inside of that crazy little cranium

of yours. [laughs]

[menacing thrumming]

And now, for your full treatment, Mr. Topper,

minus the 10% because you prepaid with the PayBro.

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just fucking pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- [scoffs] Just pay me, bro!

- Just fucking pay me, bro.

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro.

- [screams] Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- Just pay me, bro!

- [Narrator] PayBro, no fees!

- You know, this is going to be pretty messy

and Iggy just dry cleaned this suit.

No, I'm gonna go get my poncho.

Sit tight, be right back.

- Nice hose, bro.

- Iggy, I thought you threw the thing in the dumpster!

Iggy, where are you?

- I dunno where Iggy is but that thing

just walked up in here and sat down.

- I guess schizophrenia's contagious now, huh?

Because that is fucking dumb.

Y'know, I see what you're trying to do.

You're all cooped up in here forever,

you're bored outta your gourd, poor little girly head.

You want to get all the attention, huh? [whines]

- Fine, don't believe me, you frizzy-haired freak!

Why should I care what happens to your skinny ass anyway?

- So I'm the freak, huh?

Have you taken a look into the mirror lately,

Marie Antoinette?

No, you haven't because you don't got no arms,

you don't got no legs,

you don't even got a tiny vestigial twin able to scratch you

behind your ear. [laughs]

Johnson, get your butt in here!

[glass crashing]

- Yes.

Yes, Mistress.

- You pathetic worm, why didn't you just put the tray

over on the couch?

- Forgive me, Mistress.

- [grunts] You so stupid, I can't believe it!

Whatever, just get rid of this inflatable monstrosity!

- Yes, Mistress.

I'm gonna get my poncho over here.

It's gonna be so much fun, can't wait! [laughs]

- Oh.

Seems like a real shame to let something so useful

go to waste.

You know what I'm saying? [laughs]

- I know what you're thinking, Johnson but I gotta warn you,

that thing walked in here!

You know, that big dude who brought that thing up in here?

He was telling the truth!

It's alive! [cries]

[dramatic bang]

- It's alive?

Ho yeah, that means it feels like the real thing!

[laughs] You know what I'm saying?

I gotta find somewhere to stash this thing.

Could come in real handy on those lonely nights

Dr. Sado leaves me here.

- Lonely nights?

What am I?

Chopped liver?

- You know, you're a real cute chick and all

but all you ever wanna do is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

- What else in the hell can I do?

I've got no body, you fool!

- Well, you know, you've got a real pretty mouth.

[loud bang] - You objectifying slimebag!

- Holy boobies!

- How 'bout some autoerotic asphyxiation, you kinky fuck?

[Mr. Johnson gurgles]

- Oh, hell no, girl, I can't believe he said that to you!

And he rearranged your insides?

Oh, my God!

And he used flour to find the wet spot afterward.

[gasps] Bitch, what's his name?

Raoul?

Hold on, uh, where's that nail polish?

Oh, oh, [tongue clicks] there it is, oh, my God.

Raoul?

Well, I can moan that out real easily.

He got a friend?

Chester?

That's not as nice but I can moan that, too.

Chester paints?

Yeah, I could use a painter over here, girl.

This place looks like shit.

Like dog shit, girl.

[dramatic bang] Like just a dog urinated

[handcuffs clink] all over the walls.

Oh, bitch, you really need to try this top coat

I just tried on, it's really glossy.

What the hell?

- Gossip is child's play.

- Bitch, you sat alone at the lunch table?

It's called having a friend, honey!

- Now, you can shut up. - What the hell?

[Temptress whines]

[dramatic bang]

- Whew, that was messy but, uh, messy fun.

[grunts] Invigorating.

Very exciting, wow!

Don't see that stuff every day.

Hmm.

Iggy, Johnson, Temptress!

Where the hell is everybody?

I made a big mess in the office.

I need somebody clean it up!

Oh, good, you're still here.

Can you please tell me what the fuck is going on?

- I knew you'd come crawling back.

That blow-up doll is alive, really pissed off,

and taking everyone hostage.

- That's it!

I have had it!

If this cheap party balloon really is the cause

of everybody's problems, then I'm just gonna pop it, okay?

Stupid thing.

You should've been disposed of already!

Why do I keep paying these buffoons

when I end up doing the work all the time?

[Dr. Sado growls]

What's going on here? [grunts]

[Dr. Sado growls]

My nails aren't sharp enough!

I'm gonna need a manicure, I guess. [grunts]

[sighs] I guess I'll find something else.

- You're just making it madder and madder.

- There must be a thumb tack in here somewhere.

My kingdom for a thumb tack. [chuckles]

I'll need, like, a icepick or, ooh, skull pancakes!

I forgot about how good those were.

I need, like, a fishing hook or something or, y'know,

just something super sharp like a sewing needle.

That's not gonna work.

Hmm, what is that thing?

Who knows?

Did I already use this?

I don't remember but I'm throwing it back out.

Um, let's see here.

One more thing.

A sock darner?

- It's getting up!

- In this disposable society,

who was time to go onto the back porch,

and get into the rocking chair, and with a needle and thread

and sew up a hole in the socks?

Fucking ridiculous. - Get behind you!

- What?

- It's time for you to get a taste

of your own rotten medicine!

[sharp whack] [Dr. Sado groans]

Time to wake up and smell the coffee,

you disgusting samples of humanity!

- [groans] I'm gonna need some hydrogen peroxide

to get this blood out of my hair!

Oh, but maybe a blonde streak could be pretty rad, though.

- Oh, what a trip.

I'm ready for some sloppy seconds.

- How dare you turn the tables on me?

I'm the mastermind around here.

No one else is allowed to have evil plans!

- I told you, you dumbass!

Maybe next time you won't be so rude.

- Fortunately, there won't be a next time!

I'm here to deconstruct your simplistic structures

of thinking!

Let's start with you, Dr. Sado!

You're a domineering, self-centered megalomaniac.

And your cruelty, honestly?

Laughably flat.

Uninspired.

You're an insensitive lunatic, deaf to new paradigms,

and just saturated with fake knowledge!

- Sticks and stones, you defective airbag!

You're not gonna get away with this!

- You, Mr. Johnson, you're a chauvinist pig!

You're so engorged with toxic masculinity, stop that!

[sighs] Your unadulterated horniness is, like, two steps

away from full-on necrophilia!

- Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?

This room's always filled with dead bodies.

[Dr. Sado hisses]

I'm an insignificant nothing!

I exist only for Mistress!

- Add castration to your self-improvement list, Johnson!

[Mr. Johnson whimpers]

- Temptress, you're a sellout!

You're a disgrace to women everywhere!

Instead of seeking knowledge, you shun it!

You're like an apathetic, vacant, lamprey

just sucking your way through an empty life

of blingy gifts and free handouts!

[Temptress moans]

What do you have to say for yourself?

- Ooh, sounds about right.

[Chelsea sighs]

- Iggy, you're a fastidious fuck, a crass materialist,

basically, a narcissist on steroids.

You're such a milquetoast, piece of shit millennial

that you represent, like, a brainwashed, misinformed society

oozing of ignorance!

- Ooh, she got you good, boo!

- [groans] That monologue was brutal.

I'm gonna need a couple sessions with my guru

to get my head on straight after this!

- Damn, girl, you've got some issues.

- Foxie, you're an unfortunate victim

of this terrible cabal!

I will release you from this pitiful prison

by putting you out of your misery.

- [sobs] You're my knight in shining armor!

No, seriously, don't do me any favors.

- As people, and as flesh, you are all miserable failures!

It's time for an advanced age of superior thinking!

It's time for the chosen ones to come

and claim this spinning ball for ourselves

and create a new world free from the wretched filth

you all represent!

This new iteration of society will have no room

for lowly insects like you!

- Pretentious, much?

- Are you trying to say that sex dolls

are going to take over the world?

Because there is a serious issue

of plausibility here, Chelsea. [laughs]

[both laugh]

- Laugh!

[Mr. Johnson laughs]

[Dr. Sado laughs]

- We'll see who's laughing when I burn this place

to the ground with all of you in it!

I'm going to cleanse this space.

The immolation will be exquisite.

Where's the gasoline?

- [scoffs] Are you kidding?

We don't carry gasoline here in the office.

If the fire marshal found out, we'd be fined.

- We would lose our business insurance for sure!

- I'm the dumb bitch and I know

we don't keep gasoline in the office.

Like, that's just stupid.

- Fine, guess I'm gonna have to siphon it from your cars.

See ya!

- She's into sucking.

- Hmph, clearly.

- Help me with this.

[Iggy stammers]

- Wait, Foxie, remember when you told me

about your weird mind powers?

- Yeah, and you said you didn't believe me.

- Uh, well, I didn't.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

C'mon, you're our only hope.

- Well, I'm not really sure if it's real

or if it's all in my head.

- Talking about ESP?

Because there's no such thing.

Probably just static electricity.

- Well, let's give it a try.

Say something to my mind.

- I've already tried it on Iggy and I tried it on you, too,

Dr. Sado but you two seem to have some kind of mind barrier.

I didn't even try to attempt it on Temptress

for obvious reasons,

and I'm afraid to get inside of Mr. Johnson.

- Way deep inside. [growls]

- Mr. Johnson!

- I got a mind blockage?

I wonder if it's 'cause I've been skipping yoga

the past few weeks?

- Wait, if you can't reach out,

then how do you know you have powers?

- When I concentrate, I can hear certain people's thoughts,

and when I reach out, they speak back to me

but since it's no one in here,

I'm not sure if it's real or not.

- Grandiose delusion, a very serious case.

People who suffer from delusions of grandeur

believe themselves to be more significant than in reality

with attributes such as magical powers.

This usually stems from them feeling powerless

deep down inside.

- [growls] Shut the fuck up!

Nobody asked you to diagnose me,

you shriveling sack of fruit!

- Aw c'mon, Foxie, see if you can reach out with your mind

and contact someone to help us.

Just concentrate.

I know you can do this, my love.

I way believe in you.

- And I'll just wish upon a star.

That'll fix everything!

- Oh, shut up!

I'm trying to concentrate.

[Foxie grunts]

[Foxie hisses]

[Foxie grunts]

[Foxie grunts]

[Foxie croaks]

- Is she pinching a log?

Wait, how does she poop?

- Shh, let her concentrate.

[Foxie grunts]

[Foxie pants]

[electronic pulsing]

[electronic warbling]

- [gasps] You could've mind-melded with any bitch

in the universe, you chose this big-haired buffoon!

- She's my Instagram boo, as she is awesome!

- [giggles] Miss you, Ms. Thing.

- Hi. - I think you're awesome, too.

[lips smack] Kisses.

Well, hello, bondage freaks.

I usually don't make house calls

but I hear you have an issue with a naughty bad guy.

- We're being held hostage by a maniacal sex doll!

[tongue pops]

- Oh, sweetness, I'm a superhero.

We just call that another Thursday.

And why does the party always end up in the kitchen?

- This is the break room.

This is where we take our breaks.

[dramatic bang]

- So you think you can come in here

and foil my plans with some lame-ass,

corporate, superhero shit?

- Did someone forget to love on her little Raggedy Ann doll

and that's why she's so cranky?

Come over here, angel,

and get your free hug.

[distorted electronic echoing]

Pow!

Spalotch!

Kalumpf!

Ha!

[Chelsea roars]

[loud thud] [Chelsea grunts]

[air wheezing]

- Oh, you cursed brat!

Look what you've done!

I'm deflating!

Deflating!

Oh, what a world!

What a world!

[dramatic bang]

- Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetness. [giggles]

Actually, I'm okay with it.

- I knew it, all I needed was a thumb tack.

Iggy, you need to keep this place fully stocked

with office supplies, Dumbo!

- Not even a thank you?

Wow!

- You get a supersized thank you from me, sweetness.

I was so delighted when you mind beeped me,

and girl, you are looking beyond spectacular!

Love what you've done [tongue pops]

with your hair.

- See, I told you Foxie, beer and apple cider vinegar

totes rejuvenated those highlights.

Ah, yo, yo, yo, I just searched the serial number.

It turns out Chelsea, here, was a part

of an experimental batch of cyborg sex dolls.

Says here they were all recalled

'cause they ended up getting a mind of their own.

- What?

- Huh, I guess this one, here,

must've slipped through the cracks. [chuckles]

Boy, are they getting a bad review. [chuckles]

- Good for you, Nancy Drew.

Somebody give this boy a gold star sticker.

- This "Brave New World" AI shit is getting too real.

- Wait, you mean to tell me that this lousy sex doll

is actually a robot?

Do I have to worry about my vibrator springing to life

and walking out the door?

- I told you, stupid.

This thing ain't alive!

- Y'know, you don't pay me enough for this shit.

I'm taking my fucking break.

- [Narrator] Stay tuned for more horrific

and perverted adventures of Dr. Sado

and her obscene cabal in "Sado Psychiatrist"! [laughs]

[dark electronic music]