Original subtitles

[mystical music]

[dramatic music]

[keyboard clacking]

- I have some packages for you to sign for, sexy.

[ding]

- Well I hope you have a package for me.

I mean, I'd take your package any time,

as long as it's a big package.

- [Delivery Man] Yeah, it's big, real big.

Here's your package.

[Dil Donna moans]

- Well, I wouldn't need that if I had, that.

[trippy music]

- I've also got a big package for Dr. Sado.

- Ooh.

Ouchie, is that patient in trouble.

- And I have a package for Iggy.

- Yay, I love surprises!

[door creaks]

How do I get this open?

Ow!

What the-

- Thanks for doing your job, bro.

You know, it's illegal to open up mail

that's not addressed to you.

- Leave that hottie alone.

You know, Dr. Sado would hate to find out

that you're using the office

as your personal delivery service.

[Iggy scoffs]

You're one to talk, Dil Donna.

- Looks like my work here is done.

- Oh!

- Take care, enjoy your packages.

- Come back with a shirt on next time,

be more professional about it.

No one wants to see that.

- Speak for yourself.

God, that shirtless hottie

is the only reason I come into work sometimes.

[door creaks]

- What's all the commotion in here?

Iggy, stop running your mouthoff and get back to work.

Oh, my package is here.

Ah yes, another valuable, therapeutic tool

to add to my arsenal.

Temptress, has my new patient checked in?

- Nah.

[Dr. Sado scoffs]

[numbers dialed]

Trixie, how you doin'?

Hey, good, I need you to come in and keep my desk warm.

A bitch is in heat, and I gotta catch the mailman.

You can?

Okay great, I'll see you soon.

[beep]

[footsteps]

[car alarm]

- Where did you find out about this place again?

- I found it in the back of a well-established periodical.

It's 10% off if I bring this in.

- I don't like this trend of wilfulness in you,

that you've been showing lately.

For you, self-awareness can be a huge setback.

And I think it's likely you're gonna get taken advantage of

by this junk-science practitioner.

What's her name again?

- Her name is Dr. Sado.

She's a board-certified psychiatrist.

I'm channeling a strong and passing attraction to her.

Vibrational aura I'm receiving is very nurturing.

[laughs]

[car alarm]

- Well, as a well-established life coach,

I can tell you that this sort of therapy

just might break

that fragile, borderline personality of yours.

You're a meltdown waiting to happen.

- My tender darling, I need to interface

with this alien personality that resides within me.

I have meditated on my crystal,

and it has guided us to this location

like a Catholic compass.

- Look what I brought for you, my hotness!

- Oh my gosh, this is so perfect!

Yes!

- It's lab-grown and flawless.

Just like you.

[laughs]

- Iggie, the other day at the beach was amazing.

I want to tell you something.

But I don't want you to think I'm crazy or anything.

- Oh, you could tell me anything, beautiful.

- Well.

[sighs]

You know that serum you give me to stay alive?

Well I think it's doing something to my mind.

[laughs]

Like I think I have powers or something.

- Oh!

[laughs]

That might be the MDMA that I've been putting in there

to chill you out a little bit.

[laughs]

Babe, you're just rolling.

I'm glad you're having a good time.

But I hope you're not gnashing those pretty teeth, though.

Let me know if you need some gum.

[engine stutters]

- Is this the right address?

My GPS shows an empty void!

- Yeah, it's 666 Industrial Lane.

- Looks like a crack house.

I'm not letting you go in there.

- It's okay, I'm remote sensing an opening.

It's like a black hole sucking me in

to explore my inner alien being.

- No Gary, I'm turning the car around right now,

and I'm taking us home.

I'll let you do the dishes to calm you down.

You know, I'm always right!

I am your soulmate, remember?

- Yes, Gale, you're my extra-dimensional soulmate

and my spiritual teacher.

Yes, we are one with the universe,

but I must find out what this alien wants with me?

I beg you to please stop the car, and let me go in.

- Okay, I have to do this the hard way.

I'm gonna go in there,

and I'm gonna prove to youthat this is some kind of scam.

It might crush your silly schemes,

but it's my job as your wife and life coach

to keep a check on you for your own good.

[trippy music]

[door creaks]

Where's the proprietor?

I need to speak to her right away!

- Um, do you have like an appointment?

- I do have an appointment.

I'm here to communicate with my inner alien.

- Oh, I think you have the wrong place.

The Star Trek convention is across the street.

[trippy music]

- There won't be any so-called appointments here today.

I'm gonna blow the top

off this phony, fly-by-night establishment.

- Geez.

Let me call my boss.

[buzz]

Dr. Sado, there's some Star Trek cosplayer here,

with his angry mom, to see you.

- How dare you?

I'm his wife!

And I'm only 29!

[trippy sound]

- Oh wait, you can't go in there!

[door creaks]

[door creaks]

- Are you Dr. Sado?

Because this place does notlook like it's on the up and up.

And believe me when I say I can get the authorities here

to get me to shut you down!

- Dr. Sado, it's an honor to meet you.

I was so excited to start my therapy session.

Don't worry about my wife.

She's a little bit overly vigorous sometimes.

- Oh, I thought I told you to come alone,

not tell anybody.

It will jeopardize our treatment.

- Oh, don't worry!

My wife and I our soulmates.

There's no secrets between us.

- My husband is weak, pathetic and worthless.

- [Dr. Sado] Hmm.

- He's temporarily forgotten his role in our relationship,

so he's acting out.

- Oh.

- But I am not letting you brainwash him!

- There's no brainwashing going on around here.

As you can see, I'm a board-certified psychiatrist.

[chuckles]

- Well that degree could be fake for all I know.

Let me tell you about my credentials.

- Please do.

- I am the most influential life coach on the west coast.

- Do tell!

- Mmmhmm.

- My client list is peppered with VIPs and noteables.

- How exciting.

You must work very hard, Mrs. Gray.

Well you know, professionals like us

need a little introspection once in a while.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do,

I'm feeling generous, I'm gonna give you a two for.

Join the session.

You might get a lot out of it.

Allow me some time

to try and change your mind about this place and about me.

I promise to treat you very, very, very nicely.

[Gale laughs]

- But I'm the one that needs to talk-

to my alien?

[phone rings]

- Shut up, shut up.

Hello, Sandra, can you hold on one second?

[Dr. Sado sighs]

It's that important client I was telling you about!

She's such a captivating and vulnerable woman.

She would be desolate without my guidance.

[laughs]

- [Dr. Sado] No, stay, no!

- Hello Sandra, what?

- No stay.

- [Gale] He did what?

- Stay, stay.

- You don't deserve to suffer this toxic roid rage!

- [Dr. Sado] Stay.

- Testosterone is the devil's drug!

[door creaks]

Are you home?

Uh, okay, I'll be right there.

[giggles]

I'll pick up some Chardonnay

and some chocolate strawberries.

We can watch Thelma and Louiseand have some girl time.

[chuckles]

[trippy music]

You need to leave that brute.

- Just sit right down over there, I'll be right with you!

[grumbles]

Iggy, stop what you're doing

and go chase the crazy lady who just left.

She can't be allowed to blab

about what's going on around here.

- Oh, okay boss.

Um wait, what lady is this?

- It's the real soccer mom with the dirty minivan.

Take the company car, find her

and get rid of her, permanently.

- Okay, I'm on it.

- Phew.

I can't believe that there's a walk-in in my office.

- What is a walk-in?

- Well, it's sort of somebody who thinks

that they're possessed by an alien.

Pretty weird, right?

Can't wait to fry this one.

- You're shell of a corpse is gonna be your downfall.

- Don't be so headstrong,shortie, or that skull of yours

is gonna join the rest of that body.

Which would maybe be like a morgue or in a ditch riding

or something.

- No, no, no, no, you better find my goddamn body.

I'm gonna-

- [Dr. Sado] Come on, I've got work to do.

- Don't go!

- Bye!

[mystical music]

[Dr. Sado clears throat]

Now, where were we?

Let's start from the beginning.

Describe your first encounter.

- I remember the day it happened so clearly.

I was at the Porn Ma Chateau reading a periodical.

And I noticed a mysterious figure behind me.

His glasses were as black

as a no moon sky in the countryside.

And his blouse was as festive as a disco night.

[giggles]

[mystical music]

[blows]

- I just blew in from out of this world.

- You're from another planet?

What do you want with me?

- Oh yeah, I'm from the planet pleasure,

and I'm here to probe your black hole.

- Are you here to come into my body and meld with my mind

to set my spirit free?

- Yeah!

Whatever floats your spaceship!

And don't you fret my little pet, I always wear a rubber.

[slap]

[snap]

- I felt a warm rush of wind upon my neck hairs,

and then the universe snapped its fingers,

and I was taken as a sublimevessel by my alien personality.

When I woke up the next morning,

I knew that I was forever changed.

I had escaped my diet fate,

by raising my levels of vibration

to higher planes of existence.

I had transformed.

I was renewed.

I had evolved.

An alien lives within me!

- Fascinating.

And how would you like me to assist you?

- Can you use hypnotherapy to help me better communicate

with my inner alien?

I feel like it wants me to do something,

but I don't know what.

- I can do you one better.

Mr. Gray, I have a acquired a new technology

which will me assist me in facilitating

this request of yours.

It administers the perfect therapy.

They call it,

The Enormous Machine

[mystical music]

[upbeat pop music]

- Hello young lady.

You're looking wonderful today.

Would you like to try this delicious sample?

- Aren't you sweet!

Sure, why not.

I'll have a little taste of what you're serving.

[giggles]

- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

[laughs]

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

[sexy eating sounds]

- Mmm

[chuckles]

Mmm.

Hmm.

[mystical music]

- Hello, good sir!

Wow, I love your hair.

And your outfit is quite impressive.

Would you like to try this yummy sample?

- Ha!

I got four words for you.

Tom Ford Sample Sale.

[laughs]

And this coif is the real deal.

I use my boars head bristle four times a day, every day.

- Holy moly, so that's how you get it all silky and shiny.

So, would you like to try a yummy sample?

- Uh, do these have any sesame seeds in it?

I'm like crazy allergic, dude.

- No sesame seeds, sir.

Just yummy goodness!

- Well, well, don't mind if I do-dally, do.

[laughs]

[crunch]

[coughs]

[sputters]

[choking]

[Sales lady gasps]

[whistles]

- Hi Sandra, don't worry honey, I'll be right there.

Chardonnay will wash that man right out of your hands!

[mystical music]

- Behold, the key to unlock

the hidden mysteries of your mind.

Jump in, take a spin, why won't you?

- Uh, that's quite thecomplicated piece of machinery.

- Maybe.

- Do you mind if I meditate on my crystal

to help prepare me for this treatment.

- Grr-

Okay, just hurry up.

[deep inhale]

[murmurs]

[creepy music]

- What are you doing?

That's not meditating.

Well hurry up at least.

[odd breathing sounds]

I haven't got all day here, come on, what are you doing?

Hurry, stop!

- Yes, the crystal has elevatedthe awareness of my being.

I can feel my alien expand within me.

Yes, we are ready for this.

- Great, then just hop in, and I'll flip the switch.

You're gonna love this, Mr. Gray.

Just hop right in there.

Here ya go!

Right in there, yes.

Mmmhmm.

After you.

[chuckles]

Just get in there.

The entire body needs to go inside, not just your foot.

Yeah, just get right in there, it's not that hard.

It's really not that hard.

Just sit down, sit down and put the whole body in there.

Don't worry about your friggin' slipper, get inside!

What's the matter with you?

Get in there!

[scoffs]

Believe me, I would try to fucking sit down.

Jesus Christ.

Arms go in.

All right, Mr. Gray.

There we go, very good little boy.

Now you're all set, aren't you, right?

Put your fucking knees in there!

Jesus Christ, I swear-

[mumbles]

Jesus Christ, I guess I gotta take this thing back

or something, what the fuck?

Can't get your sweater in there.

Okay, finally, we're ready to go!

Shit.

Took three hours.

[sighs]

Mr. Gray, I have a confession,

I haven't been completely honest with you.

Sometimes, the medical professional

has to take manners into their own hands

and especially when dealing with somebody like you

who is so mentally ill.

- Whatever do you mean?

- It's true, this is a new piece of technology,

but it does not exactly perform the purpose

that I stated earlier.

It's more of a shall I say, Killing Machine.

[evil laugh]

- Oh no!

- Oh yes.

This machine amplifies the feelings and sensations

with a vibrating probe that pumps and penetrates

your innermost cavity.

It then accelerates into a feedback loop

that goes into ultra, past ultra, into maximum

and basically you cum yourself to death.

[maniacal laugh]

- Calling occupants of interplanetary craft,

please help!

- And now for the full treatment, Mr. Gray,

minus the 10% because you brought in the coupon.

But, add an additional 10% because it's 10% Tuesday!

[evil laugh]

Here we go.

[beeps]

[feedback screech]

- It's sort of nice, isn't it.

- Yes, it is nice.

In the beginning.

[laughs]

Oh yes, this gives me a good boner.

I'm digging the tease, but lets turn it up a notch.

[evil laugh]

[beep]

This is so good.

This is good, but it could be even better.

I just can't wait to witness the killer crescendo.

[evil laugh]

[beeps]

[feedback screech]

- Oh!

[sounds of pleasure]

- [Dr. Sado] Mmm.

Oh, you're getting me there.

Ooh, I'm feeling sensations too.

We have a relationship between us.

Pain and the pleasure.

[Gary wails]

[beeping]

What's going on?

[malfunctioning sounds]

What's happening, you should be dead or at least-

Does it really take this much to make you cum,

you freak, abomination.

[beeps]

What are you doing with this machine?

[beeps]

[screeches]

[wails]

[sounds of pleasure]

- You destroyed my beautiful machine,

you depraved lunatic.

I could think I had a home improvement

in order to pay for this.

[grunts]

You freak.

- Ugh, you abomination!

Get out!

[swoosh]

- I've come to collect my husband!

- You're still alive?

I am absolutely done with today.

- Oh my God, what have they done to you?

[heavenly music]

- Dr. Sado is a genius.

My inner alien and I have experienced

total convergence.

We are now one, unified being.

- Are you on drugs?

Where are your clothes?

- I have no need for materialistic things such as clothes.

I'm not on drugs, I'm drunk on universal love!

No, I am love.

Pure, love.

Come, my dear, let's go.

[mystical music]

- Fucker!

Are you feeling lucky, huh?

Clear!

[thump]

Argh!

You millennial piece of puke!

You fucking better live!

Clear!

[thump]

Come on, come on.

Clear!

[thump]

Motherfucker, I'm not gonna let you die!

Clear!

[thump]

Come on, I'm feeling lucky, let's go!

Clear!

[grunts]

Live, dammit, live!

[thump, thump, thump]

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

[squishy sounds]

[grunts]

[thump]

Live, live, live!

Ahh!

[mystical music]

Stay tuned for more horrific and perverted adventures

of Dr. Sado and her obscene caval in Sado Psychiatrist.

[maniacal laugh]

[mystical music]