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1
00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:10,867
Life--it's literally
all we have.
2
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:11,897
But is it any good?
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,270
I'm a reviewer,
4
00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:15,067
but I don't review food,
5
00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:16,097
books, or movies.
6
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,000
I review life itself.
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600
[screams]
8
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,530
[triumphant music]
9
00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:22,433
[parrot squawks]
10
00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:26,803
*
11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,030
Over here.
12
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:32,233
*
13
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,103
Hello,
and welcome to Review.
14
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,200
I'm Forrest MacNeil,
still reviewing life experiences
15
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:42,400
despite having a real rough go
of it lately.
16
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,500
In case you missed it,
a viewer
17
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,700
recently asked me to kill
someone, and...
18
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,170
now, a man is dead.
19
00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:50,467
(A.J.)
But look on the bright side.
20
00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:51,297
You're not going to jail
for murder.
21
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,400
Well,
22
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,530
I wish that were a bright side
that I could look on,
23
00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:59,773
but I--I actually--I
may be going to jail for murder.
24
00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:02,797
Right now, I'm just out on bail,
awaiting trial, so...
25
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:03,970
Well, okay.
26
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,527
But look on
another bright side.
27
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:10,903
Being out on bail means
you get to do more reviews.
28
00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:12,367
Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:16,697
Our next review comes
from Nicole in Mansfield, Ohio.
30
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,230
"My neighbor made herself
an outfit from a trash can
31
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:21,073
"and mumbles
about the CIA all the time.
32
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,270
"She seems really happy,
but it's hard to tell for sure.
33
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:27,627
What's it like to believe
in a conspiracy theory?"
34
00:01:27,733 --> 00:01:29,133
Okay.
35
00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:34,073
What's it like to believe
in a conspiracy theory?
36
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,630
All right.
37
00:01:35,733 --> 00:01:37,773
(Forrest voice-over)
My first step was to attend
a lecture
38
00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:40,327
by a controversial author.
39
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,933
I was clearly entering a world
of fear, obsession,
40
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:45,327
and probably madness.
41
00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:47,633
(man)
Airplane mode is a joke.
42
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,433
It is a dangerous time
43
00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:54,203
because the Illuminati is
coming up with various methods
44
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:58,200
to bring about
the Fourth Reich.
45
00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,470
Controlling the weather,
46
00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:04,367
detonating underwater nukes
to cause tsunamis.
47
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:07,267
(Forrest voice-over)
Listening to this man
ascribe all the word's tragedies
48
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:09,527
to a shadowy
underground network,
49
00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:13,573
I began to grasp the appeal
of believing in conspiracies.
50
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,267
Perhaps it would be nice
to think that life's misfortunes
51
00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:17,067
aren't simply random,
52
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,730
but are instead the work
53
00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:21,603
of a villain who can be
smoked out and defeated.
54
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:28,230
Which brings us
to the Interdimensional Bigfoot.
55
00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:29,373
(Forrest)
I understand better than anyone
56
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:32,897
that the randomness
of life can be scary.
57
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,427
Thanks to this television show,
58
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:37,733
my entire existence
is given over to random chance.
59
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:40,173
Gina, from Toluca Lake
has a question.
60
00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:41,267
What would it be
like to kill a person?
61
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:43,467
What's it
like to be a cult leader?
62
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,727
What's it like
to be kicked in the balls?
63
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,373
And when you really
think about it,
64
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,927
things
haven't always gone so well.
65
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,097
[gunfire]
Ah!
66
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,230
I am infested with sea lice!
67
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:56,103
[screaming]
68
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,300
[gagging]
69
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,700
I'm having a heart attack,
you guys.
70
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,400
Ow!
[screaming]
71
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,800
Maybe it would feel
better to believe
72
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,670
that the difficult experiences
I've had on this show
73
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:09,527
were not the product
of pure blind, random chance.
74
00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:10,873
Is there any reason
to think that something else
75
00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:13,067
might be going on?
76
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:18,233
Well, let's find out.
77
00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:20,073
Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,097
Wow.
79
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,630
Yeah.
80
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:30,673
That's a lot
of dangerous reviews, isn't it?
81
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,267
Look at how many times
I've almost died.
82
00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:35,597
I mean, that's really
surprising to me.
83
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:36,570
It's 11 times.
84
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,597
I've almost died 11 times?
85
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,270
Oh, my God.
It's so many.
86
00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,397
No, that's a lot
of times.
87
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,170
That's a lot of times
to almost die.
88
00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:43,127
I'm looking at this,
89
00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,403
and I'm thinking to myself,
90
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,330
"When you consider
all the dangerous things
91
00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:50,073
that I've been asked
to do...
92
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,070
How can that be random?"
93
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:58,503
[suspenseful music]
94
00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,730
Can that really be random?
95
00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:01,603
Maybe somebody's trying
to kill you.
96
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,530
(Forrest voice-over)
The suggestion
was ridiculous and silly.
97
00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,073
- No, but...
- And yet...
98
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,070
What is going on? I mean
that's an incredible list.
99
00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:11,727
[Tina sighs]
100
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:13,833
(Josh)
I mean, like,
maybe it's just,
101
00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:16,433
like, cool stuff.
102
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,833
Oh, somebody definitely
wants to kill you.
103
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,103
That's a bummer.
104
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,200
- Have a good one.
- We'll miss you.
105
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:22,800
- Yeah.
- Don't do anything dangerous.
106
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,600
[chuckles]
107
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,667
Good night.
108
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:40,527
I'm gonna go too.
Good night, Forrest.
109
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:45,533
My producer, Grant, oversees
every aspect of this show,
110
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:48,073
and he has assured me that
the Review selection process
111
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:49,297
is totally random,
112
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,830
but I'm starting
to wonder about that now.
113
00:04:52,933 --> 00:04:54,503
[suspenseful music]
114
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,970
What if Grant has chosen
all of the assignments
115
00:04:57,067 --> 00:05:00,227
that have hurt me so much?
116
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,433
I need to know if that's true.
117
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,603
[jiggling doorknob]
118
00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:08,873
[grunts]
119
00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:12,097
[crash]
120
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,370
Come on.
121
00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:17,927
*
122
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,327
Well, you certainly learn a lot
about a person
123
00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:22,273
when you ransack their office.
124
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:25,367
Grant takes three different
kinds of fish oil supplement.
125
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:28,097
Seems like an awful lot
of fish oil.
126
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,430
He also subscribes to a magazine
here that seems to be nothing
127
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:33,103
but photos
of antiquated medical equipment.
128
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,730
I think that's real weird,
129
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,373
but this
is what really interests me.
130
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,397
This is called
the "Submissions Master List."
131
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,800
Now, this is a list of hundreds
132
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,430
of Review topics that have been
sent in to the show.
133
00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:45,403
"What's it like to fall in love
with a snowman?"
134
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:46,800
"What's it
like to name a dolphin?"
135
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:51,330
Now, every single one that
I have done is circled here.
136
00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:52,703
I believe this is the document
137
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,070
from which Grant chose all
of the reviews that I have done.
138
00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:58,797
This is the smoking gun.
139
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,570
(Forrest voice-over)
But the more time
I spent looking into Review,
140
00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:04,127
the more questions I had.
141
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,973
Okay.
Here's the problem.
142
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,597
Grant choosing all the reviews
does not explain
143
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,270
all the terrible things
that have happened to me.
144
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,667
Look at this.
145
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:12,897
"What's it like to spend a night
at a haunted house?"
146
00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:16,067
That got me stabbed
in the belly by an old lady.
147
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,170
[screaming]
148
00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:20,267
Why did that happen?
149
00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:21,797
Or this, here.
150
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,670
"What's it like to spend
an afternoon on a rowboat?"
151
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:25,927
Like, that should've
been a delightful experience,
152
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:26,667
but I fell asleep,
153
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,097
and my oars disappeared.
154
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,130
Where are the oars?
155
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:32,403
So either I am
the unluckiest person
156
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:33,930
in the world,
157
00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:38,567
or Grant is not just
choosing these reviews.
158
00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:42,067
What if he's orchestrating
everything?
159
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,197
And I got another problem.
160
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,300
When I was buried alive here
for 24 hours,
161
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,370
I almost died
because Josh and Tina
162
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:49,727
forgot where they buried me.
163
00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:52,103
How do you forget
where you buried a living man?
164
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,400
I got to get out of here!
165
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,930
They're in on it.
166
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,227
And so is Lucille.
167
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:02,073
Jesus [bleep] Christ.
168
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:03,567
Holy [bleep].
169
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:06,597
Jesus [bleep].
170
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,230
Jesus [bleep] Christ!
171
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,703
It's a conspiracy.
172
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,073
Hi. I need a room.
173
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:17,727
I need a quiet room
in the back, okay?
174
00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:21,073
Hey, if anybody calls,
I'm not here, you understand?
175
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:22,827
(Forrest voice-over)
I could no longer
sleep in my office
176
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,473
as there was glass everywhere,
177
00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:26,067
and I believed my coworkers
178
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:29,267
were conspiring to kill me
on national television,
179
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,797
so I holed up
in a remote roadside motel
180
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,700
to carefully think things
through
181
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,570
over a period
of several days and nights.
182
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,927
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, [bleep].
183
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,067
Oh, [bleep].
Oh, [bleep].
184
00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:45,173
There. See that?
See, the fire extinguisher
185
00:07:45,267 --> 00:07:46,897
was just out of my reach, just
past where I could reach it,
186
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,867
and then the house
burned down because of that.
187
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:51,897
Was Grant able to see me
as a little person and figure
188
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,197
out how high I could reach
and then go to my dad's house
189
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,370
and say, "Okay, I'll put
the fire extinguisher right here
190
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,297
"so his little hands
191
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,830
can only reach that high
and not reach it"?
192
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:00,727
And this is me.
193
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:02,073
I'm sadder than that.
194
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,297
What kind of a monster
would make my dad homeless
195
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,300
for a television show?
That son of a bitch.
196
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,070
(Forrest voice-over)
Grant was obviously
behind everything.
197
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:15,767
Every bad thing
that happened was him.
198
00:08:15,867 --> 00:08:16,967
Of course, of course.
199
00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,767
(woman)
Forrest, I've often wondered.
200
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:21,097
What would it be
like to kill a person?
201
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,100
My question is what would it be
like to kill a person?
202
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,530
[click]
To kill a person.
203
00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:28,433
(Forrest voice-over)
The truth
I now knew was so huge,
204
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:30,103
I could not bear it alone.
205
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,430
I would need to visit
my ex-wife, Suzanne,
206
00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:32,573
at her mother's house.
207
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:35,167
I would need to get help.
208
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,927
I haven't been to the bathroom
in 14 hours.
209
00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:40,167
Don't let anybody in the door.
210
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:41,497
- Forrest, go away!
- Okay.
211
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,070
I just--I have something
that I need to explain to you
212
00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:47,073
that's gonna change absolutely
everything, okay? Just please.
213
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:52,927
Please, this is the last thing
I will ever ask of you.
214
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,497
- What is all this?
- This is all gonna
215
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,970
help you understand
what's happening, okay?
216
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:58,167
- Great. Come on in.
- All right. There's a lot
217
00:08:58,267 --> 00:08:59,897
to walk you through here,
and all of it is important,
218
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,427
and it's hard
to know where to start.
219
00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,373
The first clue that I had that
something was wrong was this.
220
00:09:03,467 --> 00:09:05,067
This is a list
of every single review
221
00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:06,573
that has ever been
sent in to the show,
222
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,567
and all of the ones
that I've done are circled.
223
00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:10,067
Do you know who circled them?
224
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:10,873
- Grant?
- Yes, exactly.
225
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,097
He told me it was all random.
226
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,270
Keep your voice down,
please.
227
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:15,867
You're gonna wake
up Eric and my mom.
228
00:09:15,967 --> 00:09:18,327
(Forrest voice-over)
I laid out all of my evidence
to Suzanne.
229
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,433
All the pain.
230
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:21,073
My review of having
a perfect body, okay?
231
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,327
Oh, [bleep].
What is this?
232
00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:23,933
And my penis has never been
the same since then.
233
00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:25,297
No. [bleep].
Is it still like that?
234
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,100
I had the thing taken out,
but it's still weird.
235
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,070
It's like there's too much skin
now 'cause the implant came out.
236
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,670
Let me just show it to you
so you have a sense of--
237
00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:32,597
Move on!
I don't want to see it.
238
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,970
Fine. All right.
Fine, fine, fine.
239
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,067
I don't think that that was
any normal magic eight ball.
240
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,930
I think Grant
was controlling it.
241
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,767
- Okay.
- Why did a pillow fight
242
00:09:38,867 --> 00:09:40,367
have to become so violent?
243
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:42,367
And it turned into
a [bleep] bloodbath.
244
00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:45,267
This was supposed
to be a show about life, okay?
245
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:48,867
Grant turned it into a show
about death. My death.
246
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:50,367
That's what's happening here.
247
00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:52,897
And so I'm gonna tell him
I have figured it out.
248
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:53,967
This is not what I signed on
for, and I am out of here,
249
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,927
and I'm going back to my wife
and my kid,
250
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:57,967
and I'm going back
to my old life.
251
00:09:58,067 --> 00:09:59,827
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Forrest,
252
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:00,967
I think it's really simple.
253
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:04,467
You signed on to
an insane television show,
254
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:07,667
and then you constantly
put that show above your needs
255
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:09,967
and the people
that you love.
256
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:13,327
I'm just not seeing
this evil plan.
257
00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:17,333
The only person that you need
to be afraid of is yourself.
258
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,173
Oh.
[scoffs]
259
00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:22,527
I'm gonna prove I'm right,
and then I'll be back!
260
00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:26,373
(Forrest voice-over)
If I was going to convince
Suzanne of my conspiracy theory,
261
00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,967
there was one more thing
I needed to know.
262
00:10:28,067 --> 00:10:31,927
Why? Why was Grant
trying to destroy me?
263
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,903
What had I ever done to him?
264
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,600
This question plunged me deeper
into the darkness
265
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:42,070
where I made a shocking
and upsetting discovery.
266
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:47,867
I've been doing some research
here on HTML, ww.google.com.
267
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,327
There's no trace of Grant
anywhere on the internet
268
00:10:49,433 --> 00:10:51,573
prior to 1995.
269
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:52,627
It's like he does not exist.
270
00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:55,433
Now, 1995 happens to be
the same year
271
00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:57,673
that this woman supposedly
married a Chinese guy
272
00:10:57,767 --> 00:11:00,627
and disappeared to Hong Kong.
273
00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:03,603
This is Gretchen Edelberg,
and she had a really big crush
274
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:04,930
on Suzanne when we
were all in college together.
275
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:06,867
You see where I'm going
with this?
276
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,867
Gretchen, okay, Grant.
277
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:10,567
Gretchen, Grant.
278
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:13,727
Gruh, Gruh, Gruh.
279
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,873
She didn't move to Hong Kong.
280
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,267
She got a sex change.
281
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,927
He loves Suzanne so much,
after all this time,
282
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,927
that he's gone
completely crazy.
283
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:25,197
Get out of here,
you son of a bitch!
284
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,070
(Forrest voice-over)
Now that everything
finally made sense,
285
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,927
it was time to confront
the monster in his lair.
286
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,327
Of course
he's not gonna open that gate
287
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,203
because he knows
that I know the truth,
288
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,430
and he's too much
of a [bleep] coward.
289
00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:37,603
Hey, you're too much
of a [bleep] coward
290
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:40,630
to look me in the eye--
oh, [bleep, bleep]!
291
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,073
Oh, God.
All right.
292
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,867
Come on.
Let's go.
293
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,867
- You [bleep] monster.
- Forrest.
294
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:46,797
I know everything now.
[bleep].
295
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,900
- What a nice surprise.
- No.
296
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:51,527
- The guy's will bring it in.
- Ah, [bleep].
297
00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:53,273
I've figured it all out,
and I'm quitting the show!
298
00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:55,227
Again?
299
00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:56,073
Everything you've tried
to hide from me
300
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,070
is out in the open now.
301
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:01,497
You've ruined my life
for the last time, Gretchen.
302
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,530
You bitch.
303
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:05,073
This should be good.
304
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:10,527
(Forrest voice-over)
I wasted no time
305
00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,733
unleashing the full weight
of all my damning evidence.
306
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,373
Feel the walls of deception
307
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,927
that you've built up
around yourself crumbling.
308
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,527
You're at your producer's
house. I'm Grant.
309
00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:20,873
- You remember who I am, right?
- [laughing] Oh, yeah.
310
00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:22,067
(Forrest voice-over)
I forced Grant
311
00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:24,173
to come face-to-face
with what I now knew.
312
00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:26,167
The submissions master list.
313
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:30,127
I've seen how all the reviews
I've done are circled.
314
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,133
Okay. This is a list
I went through last week
315
00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:36,533
of all the reviews
that we've done already,
316
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,273
and I circled them.
317
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:39,697
No.
318
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,270
So I could tell
the IT guys
319
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,327
to avoid any duplicates
because that time
320
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:44,433
that murder came up again,
321
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:48,733
I felt like
we'd let you down.
322
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,273
Liar.
323
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:52,797
Are you telling me this wasn't
one of your paid assassins?
324
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,070
Are you serious?
325
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,130
- How about that?
- Nope.
326
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:55,573
That one
of your paid assassins?
327
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,627
No.
328
00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:58,703
'Cause I know you did this.
329
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,430
What is this a drawing of?
330
00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,203
(Forrest voice-over)
Grant demonstrated
incredible cool under pressure,
331
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,300
offering sensible sounding
explanations for everything,
332
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,470
but I saved my most
explosive accusation for last.
333
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:10,897
There's one more picture
I want to show you.
334
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:12,897
- Oh, great.
- This is the one
335
00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,497
you really don't want to see.
336
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,800
- Oh, I want to see it.
- Because it's an old picture.
337
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:18,970
It's an old picture...
338
00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:19,467
Let's see it.
339
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,827
Of you.
340
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:23,403
You were so pretty.
341
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,430
- Now, who is this?
- Ooh, you're good.
342
00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,403
Was I cropped
out of this picture?
343
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,270
You're Gretchen, and you
turned yourself into Grant.
344
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:35,067
You went from this to this
to this.
345
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,470
(Forrest voice-over)
Finally, the sheer weight
of my evidence wore Grant down.
346
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,067
Okay, fine.
347
00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,267
I'm gonna tell you
exactly what's going on.
348
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,067
No more hiding anything.
349
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,070
Now, have a seat.
It's my turn to talk.
350
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:50,533
(Forrest voice-over)
What he said next completely
blew my mind.
351
00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:57,233
People are constantly asking
you to review dangerous things
352
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:01,233
because they already know
what the easy stuff is like.
353
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,503
They can do that themselves.
354
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,670
Living on the edge like this,
things will go wrong.
355
00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,427
People will get hurt,
and that is part
356
00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:12,803
of what we need you to help
us understand about life.
357
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,330
I need you!
358
00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:17,633
Why would I want you dead?
359
00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:21,173
You know what?
360
00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:24,267
Besides all that,
I like you,
361
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,167
and I know
I don't always show it,
362
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:29,397
but the fact
is I consider you a friend.
363
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,430
(Forrest voice-over)
By the time
Grant put the final nail
364
00:14:31,533 --> 00:14:33,433
in the coffin
of my conspiracy theory
365
00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:36,603
by showing me a photo
of himself growing up as a boy
366
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:41,070
in the delightfully named town
of Sandwich, Massachusetts,
367
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,970
it was not necessary.
368
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:43,897
Sandwich, Massachusetts.
369
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,867
That's what they called it.
370
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,897
You were always a boy?
371
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,297
[sobbing]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
372
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,100
- I'm really sorry.
- It's gonna be all right.
373
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,470
- What are you doing?
- It's okay.
374
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:56,797
I'm just trying to hug you.
375
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,630
Come here. Come here.
376
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:00,833
I'm sorry.
377
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,103
There we go.
378
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,270
There we go.
379
00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:08,227
(Forrest voice-over)
Letting go of my conspiracy
theory was bittersweet.
380
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:09,833
It's always nice to hear
that you're not the target
381
00:15:09,933 --> 00:15:12,073
of a murder plot,
382
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:15,597
but I no longer had an easy
explanation for my miseries.
383
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,830
As long
as I do this important work,
384
00:15:17,933 --> 00:15:18,903
I will suffer,
385
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:22,497
and my old life
will remain in the past.
386
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,600
But great men
have always made sacrifices,
387
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:29,070
and I know that I, with the help
of my treasured viewers
388
00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,297
and making the world
a better place,
389
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,670
one review at a time.
390
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:40,767
People do sometimes conspire
and sometimes with bad intent,
391
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,227
but to accuse anyone
of that on flimsy, outrageous,
392
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:48,133
or bizarre evidence
is an act of great cruelty.
393
00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:53,073
So I would like to apologize
to my producer and best friend,
394
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:54,197
Grant.
395
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,730
I give believing
in a conspiracy theory
396
00:15:56,833 --> 00:16:01,203
half a star.
397
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,270
A.J., do we have time
for one more review?
398
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:05,767
- Yes.
- And what is that?
399
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,467
This one comes from Miles
in Sandwich, Massachusetts.
400
00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,067
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
401
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:12,197
- Huh.
- Hey, Forrest,
402
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:17,230
what's it like to be hunted?
403
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,733
What's it like to be...
hunted?
404
00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:22,403
Yeah.
405
00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:33,227
What's it like to, uh...
406
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:34,973
what's it like
to be hunted?
407
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,567
I know it's possible I'm just
having some residual paranoia
408
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,127
from my conspiracy theory
experience,
409
00:16:45,233 --> 00:16:46,203
but what is it
like to be hunted?
410
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,500
And the person
asking this question
411
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,830
is from Grant's hometown.
412
00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:52,233
Lucille, what is the population
of Sandwich,
413
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,633
Massachusetts, please?
414
00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,273
You probably
shouldn't be here,
415
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:59,297
'cause your hunter
knows where you work.
416
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,700
What hunter?
417
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,170
Grant asked me to hire
a former Navy seal to hunt you.
418
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:08,467
What? Why?
What do you mean?
419
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:10,067
You never do anything
like that without me
420
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,667
specifically asking you to
please do something like that.
421
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,067
- What is going on right now?
- Grant thought it would be best
422
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,530
if I hired him so you
423
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:19,233
wouldn't know what he looked
like or anything about him.
424
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:19,873
Hey, Mr. MacNeil,
do you want us to help you
425
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:20,927
hide or something?
426
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:22,897
Or if he gets you,
427
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,827
do you want us to bury you
in that same spot?
428
00:17:24,933 --> 00:17:27,773
And follow-up question:
do you remember where that was?
429
00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:30,067
Oh, my God.
430
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,570
It's all true.
431
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:35,067
You goddamn bunch of jackals
are really trying to kill me.
432
00:17:35,133 --> 00:17:36,403
Well, listen to me.
433
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,600
I survived on garbage
in the middle of the ocean.
434
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,230
I scratched my way
out of the grave.
435
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,573
You think you can kill me?
436
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,067
Nothing can kill me!
437
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:45,197
- I'm not afraid of anything!
- Oh, my God. There he is!
438
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,430
Aah!
[laughter]
439
00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:50,903
You [bleep] monsters!
440
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:52,767
I've got to get out of this hell
you made for me.
441
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:55,167
I'm gonna
do it [bleep] right now!
442
00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:57,397
Those are my keys.
443
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,670
[suspenseful music]
444
00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:08,497
*
445
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,267
Suzanne, I know now for sure.
446
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:15,667
The show
is definitely trying to kill me,
447
00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:17,867
and I'm leaving it for real,
for good,
448
00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:18,897
and I'm coming to get you,
okay?
449
00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:20,967
I will explain it
when I get there.
450
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:25,067
Hey, no! No! No!
451
00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:33,073
*
452
00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,433
Okay.
Are we rolling?
453
00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:41,173
'Cause there he is.
There he is.
454
00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:42,467
That's Forrest in the car
455
00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:44,597
that he stole
from his executive assistant,
456
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,400
Lucille,
457
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,070
and he's now approaching
a cameraman
458
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,427
who I positioned there
in the road,
459
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:51,433
and hopefully, the cameraman
won't frighten him.
460
00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:52,633
He's maintaining his pace,
461
00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:56,673
and he didn't frighten him,
so we're good.
462
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:58,297
Okay.
I have positioned myself here
463
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,570
because I figured
this would be
464
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,327
the likeliest route
to Suzanne's mother's house.
465
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,773
Forrest had
a little crisis of faith.
466
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:07,427
He--he ran away from the show
yet again,
467
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:10,803
and hopefully, I'll be able
to talk him down,
468
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,170
and let's see
if we can work this out.
469
00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:14,367
We usually do.
Hi, buddy.
470
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,527
Get out of the road, Gretchen,
or I swear, I will mow you down!
471
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:17,903
[laughs] Gretchen.
Okay. Calm down.
472
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,097
Let's talk about this.
473
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,630
No. Just move your [bleep] car.
I'm out of here.
474
00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:22,573
That's it. No more of this!
I'm out of here for good!
475
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:23,467
Let's calm down.
Just take a breath.
476
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,367
"What is it like
to be hunted?"
477
00:19:25,467 --> 00:19:26,427
Oh, come on.
It's a random system.
478
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,903
Oh, bull[bleep].
479
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,297
You hired somebody
to hunt me down!
480
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,570
I think you might be wrong
about the details.
481
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:34,297
Really? Sandwich,
Massachusetts, huh?
482
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,670
Sandwich, Massachusetts.
483
00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:37,497
- Explain that.
- That is a coincidence.
484
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,930
- I haven't been there in years.
- Oh, really?
485
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:40,667
I don't know anybody
from there anymore,
486
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:41,797
and no one
is trying to kill you.
487
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,830
Just another coincidence.
You got to think
488
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,073
I'm the stupidest [bleep] person
in the world!
489
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,333
- I think you're brilliant!
- Oh, really?
490
00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:49,133
- Forrest MacNeil!
- Oh, my God.
491
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:51,833
Oh, my God!
Oh, [bleep]!
492
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,303
Oh!
493
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,500
If I'm gonna die,
you're gonna die too!
494
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,070
- It's a blowgun!
- It's a what?
495
00:19:58,167 --> 00:19:59,067
[gun clacks]
496
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,333
- [screaming]
- Oh, no!
497
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,703
- [bleep] [bleep]
- Oh, my God.
498
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,330
(man)
Oh, no. [bleep]
499
00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:12,603
- Oh, [bleep].
- [bleep]
500
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:27,197
And so it seems
that another season of Review
501
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,730
must end with me,
A.J. Gibbs,
502
00:20:29,833 --> 00:20:33,803
giving you the sad news that
Forrest MacNeil has vanished,
503
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:39,600
and this time, with our beloved
producer, Grant Grunderschmidt.
504
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,000
I don't like to be sad,
505
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,830
so I like to think they're
floating down that river,
506
00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:46,473
settling their differences
with one another.
507
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,067
And if I'm right about that,
508
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:51,127
I'm pretty sure Forrest
would give being hunted
509
00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:55,703
six stars.
510
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,430
That's all the time we have.
511
00:20:57,533 --> 00:20:59,373
This is A.J. Gibbs saying,
512
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,067
"Life,
you're already living it.
513
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,270
Ain't it great?"
514
00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:05,097
So long.
515
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:13,500
(man)
Extra cheese.
516
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,800
This is a list of hundreds
517
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,170
of review topics that have been
sent in to the show.
518
00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:17,567
"What's it like to shake hands
with an old person?"
519
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,567
"What's it
like to see an elephant?"
520
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,297
"What's it like to shop
for bathing suits?"
521
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,600
"What's it like
to join a club?"
522
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,100
"What's it like to have
a yellow house?"
523
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,730
"What's it like
to sing all day?"
524
00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:26,873
"What's it like to wear
someone else's pants?"
39299
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