All language subtitles for Review s02e09_English

(Forrest)
Previously on Review...

What would it be like
to kill a person?

(man)
Is he gonna do it?

We have told him
not to do it.

[gunshot]
(Forrest) Ohh...

Life--it's literally
all we have.

But is it any good?

I'm a reviewer,
but I don't review

food, books, or movies.

I review life itself.

[screams]

[triumphant music]

[parrot squawks]

*

Over here.

*

- Forrest.
- Hmm? Oh.

Yes.

Hello.

How's it going, Forrest?

Pretty bad.

Ever since our
last episode, I...

just been having
this recurring nightmare

where I--

I shake a magic 8-ball toy

and the lifeless head
of my victim bobs up...

into the portal.

As if to say,

"Outlook not so good."

Okay.

First up comes Sharon

from Inverness, Florida.

The Sunshine State.

When my parents read
my new poem about

a butterfly nostalgic
for its caterpillar days,

they sent me to a shrink
who wrote me

a Lexapro prescription.

I mean, what,
am I just gonna be, like,

happy all the time?

What's that like?

Oh.
Re--oh.

Wow. Okay.

- That's a big relief.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, that could've been
anything.

"What's it like
to be happy all the time?"

- I like that one.
- Uh-huh.

I don't know
what's in store for me now,

but it hardly matters
'cause no matter what it is,

I'm gonna be happy.
All the time.

(Forrest voice-over)
Even for someone who isn't
constantly thinking

about the human being
he killed,

it can be difficult
to maintain

a constant state of happiness.

Lucille, do you see that
the sun is shining today?

Yeah. Did you read the article
that says our sunscreen

is totally ineffective?

Happily, no.
No, I did not.

We're all gonna die
of skin cancer.

I'll send you the link.

Always happy to receive a link.
[chuckles]

(Forrest voice-over)
The world has a way of trying
to bring people down,

but a happy person finds
solutions to little problems

like the deadly rays
of the sun.

Why don't the two of you
go out and find me

a parasol? Huh?

Oh, I don't know
how to do that.

That's great because
now you have a chance

to learn something,
right?

Hey,
and while you're at it,

you know what else
would make me happy?

Uh...get me a treat.

Like a sweet treat.
[smacks lips]

That will make me happy.
Thank you so much.

[whistles]
Hey.

(Forrest voice-over)
Being happy about everything
the universe brought my way

was clearly a bizarre way
to go through life.

Hey, Lucille,
look who found

some effective sunscreen
after all.

(Forrest voice-over)
And it was made all the more
complicated

but a surprise visit
from my ex-wife.

Oh, Suzanne.
Oh, wow.

Oh, great. Okay.

Could you
put the parasol down?

- I'd be happy to.
- I just want to sit and talk.

- Oh.
- The thing is, Forrest...

- Uh-huh.
- I've decided that what would

be best for me,
and for Eric--

would be best for
both of us,

- Mm-hmm.
- Is if we were to have...

a little break from you

and whatever effect that you
may be having on our lives.

(Forrest voice-over)
This was terrible news,

but given the parameters
of this review,

there was only one way
to react.

[chuckles]

- Yay. [laughs]
- Yay?

Well, yeah.
I think it's--

- I think that's great.
- You do?

I do.
I do, I do, I do, I do.

- [laughs]
- Oh, okay,

'cause I-I--
you know, I'm surprised.

I thought you were gonna,
like, literally freak out

and start,
like, throwing things

- and...
- [laughs]

No, I can see why
that's a good idea.

- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah.

Well, good, because I--
what I would like to do...

- Uh-huh?
- Is for you to waive

all of your visitation rights

and have no contact
with us at all.

Bye-bye, visitation rights.

- [chuckles]
- Are you okay?

- Yeah. Yup.
- What is this?

Are you on something,
or...

No, I'm not on anything,
I'm just--

I'm just--
What you're saying

- makes me happy.
- It does?

It does.
It really makes me happy.

To not see me and Eric
at all?

Um, how long were you
thinking for the break?

Well, I was thinking
something around two months.

For starters.
With no contact...

(Forrest voice-over)
If I weren't so very happy,

I might have begged her
to change her mind.

- Hooray.
- Hooray?

Yes. See, I think
two months is gonna go by

just like that!
[laughs]

(Forrest voice-over)
And the happy news kept coming.

(man) Are you Forrest MacNeil?
- Yes, I am.

Stand up and put
your hands behind your head.

You're under arrest
for homicide.

- Okay, uh...
- What's happening?

(Suzanne) Homicide?
- Stand up.

Put your hands
behind your head.

(Suzanne)
Forrest, what did you do?

Yay! It's great to hear
my rights.

You have the right
to remain silent...

There they go. I'm so glad
for the Constitution.

You have the right
to an attorney.

I'm so glad we
got rid of the king...

If you cannot afford
an attorney...

- So we have rights now.
- One will be provided for you.

(Suzanne)
Forrest, did you kill somebody?

I will see you
in two months, Suzanne!

Forrest!

(Forrest)
I get to take a ride
in a police car!

(Forrest voice-over)
Somewhere in the process
of being charged with murder,

interrogated, arraigned,

and transferred
to the County Jail,

I decided to put
life reviewing on hold

until this very serious matter
could be resolved.

What are you doing?

They gave us permission
to shoot here.

(Forrest voice-over)
Then I got a visit
from my producer, Grant.

You wanna kee--

You wanna keep
doing the show?

- Oh, yes.
- No, I can't--

Sorry, I can't...
think about that right now.

You know, if I'm convicted,
I'm looking at life in prison.

- Okay?
- I need you to look at life...

in prison.

I need to be totally
focused on

getting the [bleep]
out of here.

Okay? Can you help me
with that, please?

I thought--
I had thought you were here

to bail me out
or something.

So you wanna
stop the show now?

At this point
it is making

for incredible television.

I just--Grant,
I need to go home.

Okay?
Or back to the office.

Forrest, look,
where this gets done

is less important than
who does it.

Everyone is so grateful
for the sacrifices

that you make.

They look up to you,
they're inspired by you.

(Forrest voice-over)
What Grant was proposing
sounded completely unreasonable,

but his argument
was compelling.

Oh, my God,
do you remember how amazing

you were at the orgy?

- Well, yeah, I mean...
- Let me tell you something,

the footage from Happiness,
makes that look like

the saddest [bleep]-fest
ever.

- It's making me feel happy.
- Oh.

That's the effect
it's having.

Yeah, it felt great
and then they arrested me.

So, imagine people
seeing you here in prison.

How inspiring it will be
to people.

Don't let
the people down.

(Forrest voice-over)
Once again I was reminded
that there were people out there

and they count on me
to do this work.

I could not give up just because
I happen to be in jail.

Grant had given me
the juicer

to take prison
and turn it in to prisonade.

Trying to be happy all the time
led me to the thought,

"How much control do we have
over our emotional life?"

Is it something that we
receive helplessly,

like the weather,
or is it something

- that we can control?
- Like the weather.

Uh, no, my point was
that the weather

is something that you
can't control.

But what if you
move to Hawaii?

Yeah, that would be a way
of controlling the weather.

[clears throat]
Constant happiness may seem like

the most absurd way to live,
but it is also,

perhaps, the least absurd
way to live.

And, so, I give it...

- Three stars.
- Zing.

What is next
for me, A.J.?

Hmm, Donnie from
Laurinburg, North Carolina

wrote: "Dear Forrest,
my upbringing was very strict,

"we weren't even allowed to
drink milk because Father said

"it reminded him
of tantalizing breasts.

"I've since grown up
and had milk, of course,

"but I've still never had
a pillow fight.

What's that like?"

So, ignore all
the milk stuff,

but what's it like
to have a pillow fight?

Am I understanding
what you said there?

Sounds like it.

Zing.

[buzzer alarms]

(Forrest voice-over)
Unlike most pillow fights,

this one would have to
take place in a County jail

where I was awaiting trial
for murder.

I requested a meeting
with the prison psychiatrist.

You wanted to see me
for something?

Yes, I think I have
figured out a way

to reform
the chronically violent.

I want to organize
a pillow fight.

And I know
that sounds crazy,

but the idea is that
it could divert

everyone's aggressive
feelings into harmless fun.

So what do you say?

May be worth a shot.

Is that a yes?

(Forrest voice-over)
Apparently that was a yes
because later that day

a guards versus prisoners

pillow fight
received official approval.

Did you see that? We're gonna
have a pillow fight on Tuesday.

You are all
cordially invited

to a prisoners versus guards
pillow fight.

It's gonna be
a little bit fun.

[laughs]
I'm pretty sure.

(Forrest voice-over)
The life of an accused murderer
behind bars

is a lonely
and frightening one.

This pillow fight seemed like
a good opportunity

to get to know people
and to take my mind

off of the terrible guilt
that was consuming me.

This pillow fight
was MacNeil's suggestion,

so let's all thank him
for coming up with

a new activity
for you all.

[applause]
- It's my pleasure.

All right, MacNeil,
this is your baby.

- You wanna start us off?
- Well, I mean, listen,

the great thing
about a pillow fight

is the simplicity of it.
My question for you is:

"Hey, who is ready to
feel like a kid again?"

[laughs]
Okay.

The other thing that I want
to tell you about pillow fights,

just so you're aware,

is that in a pillow fight,
you never know

when you might get
a sneak-attack.

[laughs]
I surprised you, right?

See that?
Okay...

Well, come on, now.
Oh, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Let's all join in.
All right?

Let's have a pillow fight!

[laughs]

- [grunts]
- Oh, [bleep]!

- [groans]
- Hey, hey, hey!

[grunting, groaning]

They're [bleep]ing weighted!

(Forrest voice-over)
I had not considered that

while these men may have been
novices at pillow fighting...

(Forrest)
Where did the weights
come from?

(Forrest voice-over)
They had expertise at smuggling

items into places
they did not belong.

Stop it! Stop it!

(Forrest voice-over)
Places like prisons...

and pillowcases.

The resulting melee
was a terrifying horror

- to behold.
- You set us up, MacNeil!

- What? I didn't do anything!
- Oh, you did!

[screams]

- [electricity crackles]
- [screams]

[police siren blaring]

Was it darkness
within the hearts

of the pillow fighters
that turned innocent

sleeping equipment
into improvised...

deadly weapons?

Or is pillow fighting
a twisted bloodsport

in disguise,
a feather-stuffed form

of combat that inspires
brutality in otherwise

gentle creatures?

No way to know for sure.

What I do know is that
my dreams of world peace

and my nose were shattered
together in one fell swoop.

And, so, I am forced
to give pillow-fighting...

just one--oh, sorry.

I want to get
the plies together.

Toilet paper.

- One star.
- Zing.

What is my next review,
A.J.?

- Okay...
- Mm-hmm.

The next one was Tweeted to us

from @CrazySonOfABeth.

"Dear Forrest,
our six year old recently

"told us about
her imaginary friend.

"We haven't liked any
of her real friends

"and are worried we're not
gonna like this one, either.

What's it like to have
an imaginary friend?"

- Ooh...yikes.
- Oh.

Well, I'm not
afraid of that.

What's it like to have
an imaginary friend?

I will find out
and I'll let you know.

(Forrest voice-over)
I had been feeling
oppressively alone

and plagued by dark thoughts,

so I was greatly relieved
that this review

gave me someone to talk to.

I got bad news.
You fell right into my trap.

(Forrest voice-over)
I named him Clovers.

He was kind, respectful,
and admiring.

We hit it off beautifully.

Oh, yeah. I guess I am
pretty good at this.

Thank you.
That's nice of you to say it.

(Forrest voice-over)
We shared the same
sense of humor.

I don't know.
How does Yoda order a pizza?

Oh.
[laughing]

You're gonna get in trouble
for that.

I would never tell a joke
like that.

[laughing]

That's a good one.

(Forrest voice-over)
We trusted each other
completely,

and confided in
one another.

Yeah, so then she tells me
that she wants a two month break

from me contacting her.

Hey, I don't even know
your situation.

Are you single?
Married or...

[bleep] [bleep]
[bleep].

I'm actually not
talking to you.

I'm talking to Clovers,
okay?

Kind of nosy.
[chuckles]

(Forrest voice-over)
Perhaps after all
I'd been through,

I was not thinking
clearly,

but this imaginary person
had come to mean

a great deal to me.

I set out to be the best friend
I could ever be to anyone.

I would like you all
to meet my new friend Clovers

who is gonna be
joining us for lunch.

Okay?

You must have got hit in
the head pretty hard, MacNeil.

There's no one there, man.

They're just hazing
the new guy.

Forget about it, Clovers.
Just ignore 'em.

Hi, what are you doing?
Excuse me.

No, no. Hey.
Whoa, no, no, no. Excuse me.

Sorry, no.
You're sitting on Clovers.

[bleep] [bleep],
who's Clovers?

Clovers, my best friend,
and you're sitting on him.

Right now, he's sitting there.
This is Clover's seat.

I need you to get up
and go sit someplace else.

[laughter]

Will you please get off
of my friend now?

No, he's real comfy.

Get off of--
get off of my friend.

- Oh, [bleep]!
- Hey, hey, hey!

- [bleep]!
- It's okay, it's okay.

Who wants some alone time,
huh?

It's okay, everything's fine.

Clovers has very generously
offered you his seat,

so you can sit there,
and then I, in turn,

will offer Clovers my seat.
He's sitting there.

And then I'm happy
to stand.

- Sit down.
- No, the table's full.

Oh, really? Shut the [bleep] up.
Sit down.

Uh, he can stand.
He's gonna stand.

Hey, Clovers, question:
What are you in for?

(Forrest voice-over)
My insistence that Clovers exist

in the imagination of others
had unintended consequences.

You murdered your last
best friend

- just like you always do.
- Uh-oh.

Watch your back, MacNeil.

(Forrest voice-over)
Imaginations don't always agree.

You're gonna [bleep]
MacNeil's mouth

before you slice him up
and kill him?

(all) Oh!
[laughter]

When you say [bleep]
my mouth,

you just mean have a
conversation, right? Yeah.

(Forrest voice-over)
I was now locked
in a checkers match

to control the story
of my friend.

Oh, Clovers,
just like that.

Hey, hey, hey.
You got to leave Clovers alone.

First of all, it's none
of your business

what Clovers and me do.

Secondmost,
it's his idea.

We're trying to have
a gentle, romantic moment here.

Oh! Whoo!

(Forrest voice-over)
This inmate, an armed robber
named Cassius,

may have started it,

but in no time at all,
sex with Clovers

had become the new prison slang
for masturbation.

[prisoners shouting]

Everybody all at the same time.
How is that even possible?

(Cassius)
Get the balls, Clovers.
Oh! Oh!

(Forrest voice-over)
I had now had enough human
contact with my fellow prisoners

to know that I much preferred
to be left alone

with my imaginary friend.

Hey, Clovers,
forget about MacNeil.

Come over here, play a little
Connect Fourwith me.

Yeah, Clovers says,
"No, thank you," okay?

We're having
a good time.

Whoa, and here he comes.
My man, Clovers.

(Forrest voice-over)
It appeared that Clovers
had now become a symbol

in a prison yard
power struggle.

Cassius wanted to show he could
take whatever he wanted from me

whenever he wanted.

Oh, Clovers,
that was mean.

You just tricked Cassius that
you were gonna go play with him,

and now you're coming back here
to play checkers with me.

Oh! Oh, snap!

You were only
tricking MacNeil

into thinking that
you were tricking me.

That's a double cross.

You're a bad man.
You're a bad man, Clovers.

The triple cross?
Unbelievable!

I mean, he really,
really thought

that you were gonna play
Connect Four.

Quadruple cross!

And what are you doing?

Putting an electromagnet
in your pants

so you can't get up off
of this metal seat?

Five cross?
Unbelievable.

And the magnet doesn't work.

I understand you have to stay
in contact

with him so you can
eventually murder him.

Maybe you're intimidated,
you feel like you have to

go over there
but there's no reason for that.

Guys like this
are all bluster.

What you really would like
to do is dance?

- Come on.
- Be careful. Leave me alone.

[laughs]

Dance-off, MacNeil.

Oh, get 'em, Cas.

[laughter]

Pardon me, may I cut in?

- Thank you, yes.
- Oh!

Come here, buddy.

Oh, you don't like that style
of dance?

Oh, traditional Irish
step-dancing?

I don't know but I'll try.

Oh, you're really good at it.
Look at you.

Nobody likes feeling
like a leprechaun.

Time for break dancing?

Oh, break it out, MacNeil.

Who thinks that Clovers wants
to be my best friend?

- Yeah!
- Looks like he made his choice.

- Then circled the table.
- He made his choice.

- We're gonna play checkers.
- Taking a lap

to think about it.
Here he comes around here.

- Look it. There he goes.
- The rude faces you're making.

Oh! He just put a yellow in!

Oh! He didn't do that [bleep].

- You put that yellow there.
- [shouting]

[guard blows whistle]

- You put it there.
- [shouting]

Visiting hours.

MacNeil.

You got one.

- [bleep].
- There he goes.

[shouting]
- There he goes.

[laughs]

- After you.
- [bleep].

[door buzzes open]

(Forrest voice-over)
Having my father see me
in a place like this

was sure to be a difficult
experience.

And one for which I would need
Clovers' emotional support.

Clovers, this is my dad.

Dad, this is Clovers.

Uh, okay.

Hello, Clovers.

Well, I bailed you out.

[sighs]

Used the insurance money
from the house.

Thank you so much, Dad.

I can't even tell you how
terrible it's been in here.

Boy, it's been a crazy year,
hasn't it?

- Yeah.
- You know?

You picked a fight
with that guy

for absolutely no reason,
and got shot, and nearly died.

Yeah.

You broke up with that nurse

in a way that she fired a gun
into the house.

And then you burned
down the house.

And you broke up
with another girl

in a way that she fired an RPG

and blew up theother house.

- An RPG. Yes.
- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Then you asked me fire
a bunch of arrows at you

- and I did.
[laughter]

Scared the hell out of me,
you know?

And then you got lost at sea
for three months.

- Yeah.
- I never gave up hope.

Through it all, I told myself,
"Forrest is a good boy.

He always has been."

But now a man is dead and
you're charged with killing him.

What are your values, son?

Did I raise you
to have values

where it's okay to kill
somebody?

I hope not.

So I'm out.

I just need to take care
of myself now.

What are you talking about?

Good luck, Forrest.

Take care of him, Clovers.

(Forrest voice-over)
And just like that,
my dad was gone.

I would need Clovers' kindness,
support, and humor,

now more than ever before.

(Forrest voice-over)
Having been shockingly abandoned
by my ex-wife and now my father,

Clovers was the only friend
I had left in the world.

I just wanted to tell you that--

(Forrest voice-over)
And leaving jail meant I'd be
saying good-bye to him too.

You know,
I just wanna tell you

how much your loyalty
means to me.

I hope that you feel
like I've been as loyal to you

as you have been to me 'cause
that's really what friendship

is more than anything.

You think you're pretty slick,
huh, MacNeil?

Stealing your best friend
back from me.

Okay, guys, I have explained
to you--

No more talk, McNeil.

If Clovers isn't my friend,
he's nobody's friend.

- [grunting]
- What are you doing?

No! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
No, no, no!

Playtime is over, MacNeil.

Watch your ass
or you're next.

[grunts]

Clovers, I got to get you
to the doctor right now.

(Cassius)
He's dead, MacNeil,
we stabbed him in the heart.

[somber music]
[weeping]

Oh, no.

Oh, God, Clovers.

(Forrest voice-over)
Of all the things this show
had taken from me,

the loss of Clovers,
who had understood

and accepted me completely,
felt like the greatest tragedy

of them all.

It was real
and totally irreversible.

And it revealed to me the utter
pointlessness and cruelty

of everything that my life
had become.

What the hell are you doing?

They killed Clovers.

Come on, it's time to go.
You're out.

You just gonna leave him there?

(Forrest voice-over)
When I began my imaginary
friendship,

I saw it as as an imaginary
two-way street

between Clovers and me.

But soon,
it came to feel more like

an imaginary chaotic
multi-street intersection

with traffic laws so Byzantine
and confusing

it's hard to imagine
the result being anything

but bloody and tragic mayhem.

In other words, imaginary
friendship turned out to be

one holy mess.

And yet, Clovers did keep
my loneliness at bay.

So I give having
an imaginary friend three stars.

[triumphant music]

Well, that's all the time
we have for Review.

Good night.

Good night and good dreams.

I don't know, why don't giraffes
eat lollipops?

I give up. Why not?

[laughs]

That's silly.

[laughs]
You're really funny.