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1
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,897
Life--it's literally
all we have.
2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:11,900
But is it any good?
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,230
I'm a reviewer,
4
00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:14,273
but I don't review
5
00:00:14,367 --> 00:00:15,897
food, books, or movies.
6
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,000
I review life itself.
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600
[screams]
8
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,530
[triumphant music]
9
00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:22,433
[parrot squawks]
10
00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:26,803
*
11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,030
Over here.
12
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:31,203
*
13
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,700
Hello, and welcome to Review.
14
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:35,970
I am Forrest MacNeil,
15
00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,197
and this is my cohost,
A.J. Gibbs.
16
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,900
Life is a trip.
17
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,270
And this show is my passport.
18
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,627
A.J., where shall we go next?
19
00:00:44,733 --> 00:00:46,433
Gina from Toluca Lake
has a question.
20
00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,403
Aha.
21
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,370
Forrest, I've often wondered,
22
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,997
what would it be like
to kill a person?
23
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,000
Whoa.
24
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:58,500
"Whoa" is exactly right.
25
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,270
[sighs]
26
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:01,827
I want to choose my words
27
00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:05,103
very carefully here.
28
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,800
Gina, I will do many things,
29
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:11,230
but to take a life
is wrong beyond all reason.
30
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:12,533
As a man who reviews life,
31
00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:16,733
I simply have too much
respect for it to end one.
32
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:17,733
And so,
33
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:18,773
for the first time
34
00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:21,197
in Review history,
35
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:25,130
I hereby enact
the power of ...the host veto.
36
00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:26,503
[dramatic music]
Holy [bleep].
37
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,600
*
38
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:32,570
[drumroll]
39
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,727
[sighs]
40
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:37,073
Thank you.
41
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:41,697
*
42
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,170
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
43
00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:45,567
Yes, I am.
44
00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:46,527
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
45
00:01:46,633 --> 00:01:48,703
Yes, I am.
46
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,700
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
47
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,700
Yes, I am.
48
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:52,600
You may veto
this review.
49
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:56,070
Thank you, Grant.
50
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,467
A.J., shield your eyes.
51
00:01:58,567 --> 00:01:59,597
[drumroll]
52
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:01,800
[glass shatters]
53
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:04,830
Oh.
54
00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:07,203
With solemn regard,
55
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,600
the first host veto
of the season
56
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:14,100
is hereby dutifully cast
by me, Forrest MacNeil,
57
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,230
being of sound mind.
58
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:17,473
Killing A Person:
59
00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:19,227
vetoed.
60
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:20,833
[dramatic musical flourish]
61
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:24,803
Please destroy this...
62
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,600
and these.
63
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:28,770
[sighs]
64
00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,067
That was exciting!
65
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:33,797
Okay, you only
have one veto left.
66
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,300
Yes.
67
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,070
I have no doubt that
that was totally necessary,
68
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:38,727
but I can tell you,
it did not feel good.
69
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:39,833
All right, let's get on
70
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:41,633
to the better stuff
that life has to offer.
71
00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:43,433
A.J., what is my next review,
please?
72
00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:46,133
Your next question
is from Erica.
73
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:47,373
"Disclaimer: I'm pretty high.
74
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,297
"But what would it be like
to let a Magic 8 Ball
75
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,500
make all your decisions?"
76
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,330
Okay.
77
00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:54,603
I guess she's talking about
78
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,070
the children's toy,
the Magic 8 Ball.
79
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,427
Huh.
80
00:02:57,533 --> 00:02:59,133
Living life
by the Magic 8 Ball?
81
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:01,073
That I will do.
82
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:01,970
You know what?
83
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,597
It might actually be fun.
84
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:04,870
Shall I explain
how this is going to work?
85
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:07,167
[liquid sloshing]
86
00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:08,197
[Forrest chuckles]
87
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,800
"Yes."
Okay.
88
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,100
For the rest of the day,
every decision I have to make,
89
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,270
every question
life throws at me,
90
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,527
I will run it
by the Magic 8 Ball
91
00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,503
and do what it
tells me.
92
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,630
And in order
to keep the rest of the world
93
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,533
in the dark about this
rather odd practice,
94
00:03:22,633 --> 00:03:24,373
I'm gonna keep the 8 Ball
here in this fanny pack.
95
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:27,497
I don't want anyone
to think I'm weird.
96
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:28,370
So...
97
00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:29,727
Shall I head out into the world?
98
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:34,403
[fabric rustling]
99
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,900
"Most likely."
100
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,097
Very well then.
101
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,900
Should I
use the men's room?
102
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:43,097
(Forrest voice-over)
As I set out
on this journey of chance,
103
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,100
the idea of giving up
all of the day's
104
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,600
decision-making
responsibilities
105
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,230
to this children's toy
struck me as a relief...
106
00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:50,733
Should I help
pick this stuff up?
107
00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:52,703
That would be great.
108
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,670
(Forrest voice-over)
Though one with certain risks.
109
00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:57,427
"No."
Sorry.
110
00:03:58,533 --> 00:04:02,433
[Ed muttering indistinctly]
111
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,773
Can I say hello
to these two people?
112
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:07,227
(Forrest voice-over)
Since 1950,
the iconic Magic 8 Ball,
113
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:10,533
with its mysterious triangle
afloat
114
00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:13,173
in an inky blue
nontoxic realm,
115
00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,297
has provided advice
and premonition
116
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,470
to those adrift
in the inky blue,
117
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:19,067
often toxic, waters of life.
118
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:22,700
Can I cross the street?
119
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,530
These "ask again later"s
are a real problem.
120
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,073
The more I embraced
the randomness of life...
121
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:31,673
Shall I share my food
with this hungry creature?
122
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:35,067
(Forrest voice-over)
The more meaningful even the
smallest decision seemed to be.
123
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,267
[clicks tongue]
124
00:04:37,367 --> 00:04:40,427
Should I
chase after this squirrel?
125
00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:43,103
(Forrest voice-over)
And I had a lot of fun.
126
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,730
[Forrest chuckling]
127
00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:46,773
Where did--Okay.
128
00:04:46,867 --> 00:04:49,927
Should I follow him
up into the tree?
129
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:51,967
[grunting]
130
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:53,527
[laughing]
This is great!
131
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:55,633
(Forrest voice-over)
But, of course, I wasn't happy
132
00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,073
with all of the 8 Ball's
decisions.
133
00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:58,073
Shall I have a hot dog?
134
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,797
[fabric rustling]
135
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,830
(Forrest voice-over)
And it soon became clear
136
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:04,073
that this plastic ball
also had the capacity
137
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,767
to complicate my family life.
138
00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:06,797
[phone rings]
It's Suzanne.
139
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:09,400
Okay, uh, can I answer this,
please?
140
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,270
(Forrest voice-over)
Despite many attempts
to contact her,
141
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,797
I had not spoken
with my ex-wife Suzanne
142
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,230
since I gave a toast
at her rehearsal dinner,
143
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:17,833
that caused her
to call off her wedding.
144
00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,273
He is constantly sleeping with
baseball groupie whores!
145
00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:20,897
What?
What is going on?
146
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:22,897
Yes.
Yes!
147
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:24,267
Yes.
Hello. Hi. Hi.
148
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,627
(Suzanne)
Hi, Forrest, I saw you called
many times.
149
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,933
Yeah, hi.
Hey, what's up?
150
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,867
(Suzanne)
Were you calling to apologize
for ruining my life again?
151
00:05:31,967 --> 00:05:35,067
Uh...
152
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,073
(Suzanne)
Forrest?
153
00:05:37,133 --> 00:05:39,203
Yeah, no, I--just a second.
154
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,230
Uh,
"Better not tell you now."
155
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:42,633
Okay?
156
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,103
(Suzanne)
"Better not tell me now"?
157
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,370
Yeah.
158
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:46,827
(Suzanne)
What does that even mean?
159
00:05:46,933 --> 00:05:47,803
Uh...
160
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:48,730
(Suzanne)
Are you sorry or not?
161
00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:50,673
[fabric rustling]
- Forrest.
162
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,897
Just a second.
Just a second.
163
00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:55,933
"Don't count on it."
164
00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:57,327
(Suzanne)
Really?
165
00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:58,933
All right,
go [bleep] yourself.
166
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,727
- Stop calling me.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
167
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,073
Ask me another question.
Ask me a different question.
168
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,433
(Forrest voice-over)
While I was ready
to talk through
169
00:06:04,533 --> 00:06:07,073
the issues Suzanne and I
were experiencing,
170
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,903
it was clear
that the Magic 8 Ball was not.
171
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,827
What?
172
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,627
(Forrest voice-over)
With the Magic 8 Ball
guiding my every move,
173
00:06:17,733 --> 00:06:18,833
I ended up far outside
the zip code
174
00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:20,173
where I feel
most comfortable.
175
00:06:20,267 --> 00:06:22,897
Can I please call a cab
to take me home?
176
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:24,767
(Forrest voice-over)
And the worst was yet to come.
177
00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:26,697
Hey! Hey, man.
Hey, friend!
178
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,870
You have 20 bucks?
179
00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:32,067
Do I want to give this man
$20 to...
180
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,930
probably buy
illegal drugs?
181
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,797
- All right. Here you go.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
182
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:42,800
Now can I please,
please go home?
183
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:43,730
[bleep].
You're still 10 shy.
184
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,073
[bleep].
I just gave you a 20.
185
00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:47,397
[bleep].
You gave me a 10.
186
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,170
Was that a 20, man?
187
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:51,167
(Forrest voice-over)
I knew I had given him a 20.
188
00:06:51,267 --> 00:06:53,167
I knew that all I had
were 20s.
189
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:56,567
I could have easily
settled this dispute.
190
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,067
But the 8 Ball
had brought me
191
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,070
to this bizarre
and troublesome place
192
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,373
and the 8 Ball
would decide
193
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,767
what I did next.
194
00:07:03,867 --> 00:07:04,597
"My reply is no."
195
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:05,430
(man)
Told you.
196
00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:08,203
That was a 20, man!
197
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,070
- Guess I could ask--
- [bleep].
198
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:11,327
Oh, no.
Hey, hey, hey!
199
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:12,733
Oh, whoa.
Oh, God.
200
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,103
Can I get
out of here?
201
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,430
Can I please
get out of here?
202
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:16,603
[bleep].
Oh, God!
203
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,430
Can I please
get out of here?
204
00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:21,433
[man moaning]
205
00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:22,703
Oh, God!
206
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,200
Please.
207
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,800
- Oh, my God.
- [bleep].
208
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:26,530
(Ray)
You didn't see [bleep].
209
00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,603
(Forrest)
Oh, God.
210
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:32,230
Can I please
get out of here?
211
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:34,373
(Forrest voice-over)
Thanks to an incredible streak
212
00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:36,527
of non-answers
and negative answers,
213
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:38,603
I didn't go anywhere.
214
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,070
[siren wailing]
215
00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:42,927
Can I please, please
go somewhere safe?
216
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,067
(Forrest voice-over)
When the police arrived,
217
00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:46,727
they asked me
a very important question.
218
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:47,773
A witness
thought she saw
219
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,367
a guy running
from this area.
220
00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:50,797
You recognize
this man?
221
00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,500
(Forrest voice-over)
How I longed
to be of service to them.
222
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:58,200
[fabric rustling]
223
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,470
[indistinct police radio
chatter]
224
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:02,597
"My reply is no."
225
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:05,970
All right, guys,
turn him loose.
226
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,967
Thank you very much, sir,
for your cooperation.
227
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:11,067
(Forrest voice-over)
Arbitrarily made choices
228
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,327
could lead to
inspired exhilaration
229
00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:17,073
or aiding in the escape
of a violent felon.
230
00:08:17,133 --> 00:08:18,773
In the end,
it's always better
231
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:21,767
to captain one's own ship
on gut instinct.
232
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:24,167
If I crash
into the rocks of life,
233
00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:28,067
I want it to be because
I steered the ship there myself.
234
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,767
Living your life
by a Magic 8 Ball gets...
235
00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:32,227
one star.
236
00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:38,773
Our next review
comes from Bill in Pasadena.
237
00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:39,697
All righty.
238
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,070
Hey, Forrest.
239
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,800
I was raised
with a good work ethic,
240
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,170
but a lot of the guys
in my office
241
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,897
just screw around all day.
242
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,427
What's it like
to procrastinate?
243
00:08:47,533 --> 00:08:49,973
- Hmm.
- Oh.
244
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,797
My friend has a tumblr
245
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:54,930
of these panda bears
falling out of trees.
246
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,667
I'll send you
the link.
247
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,227
You will be lost on there
for days.
248
00:08:58,333 --> 00:08:59,903
I'm supposed to follow a link
to a tumblr?
249
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,367
(A.J.)
Yeah.
250
00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:03,297
That right there will take me
most of an afternoon.
251
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:08,500
Okay, well,
I'm off to procrastinate!
252
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:13,130
Oh, wow.
Wait a minute.
253
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:13,873
Oh, I have a problem.
254
00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:15,597
What's the problem?
255
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:17,300
The problem is,
256
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,800
my task here
is to procrastinate.
257
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,070
Yes.
Good luck!
258
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:24,497
Well, a procrastinator
doesn't do his task.
259
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,630
Because to procrastinate
is to not do your task.
260
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,903
You know what I mean?
261
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,567
So my task
is to not do my task.
262
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:32,967
I think--it feels like
there's an impossible logic flaw
263
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,627
at the heart
of this question.
264
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:36,673
I don't know
if I can do this.
265
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:40,167
Can I just say sometimes you're
a little rigid on the rules?
266
00:09:40,267 --> 00:09:42,227
- What's the problem?
- Oh. I--
267
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:45,073
I don't think
I can review procrastinating.
268
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:46,303
It's impossible.
269
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,470
I can't procrastinate
procrastinating.
270
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:49,897
Because then I won't be
procrastinating, right?
271
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:50,867
I'll be procrastinating.
272
00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:51,767
That's the problem.
Yeah.
273
00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:53,667
I mean, this
is like a classic
274
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:54,697
snake drawing his own hand.
275
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,170
It can't be done.
276
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,367
It can't be done.
It can't be done.
277
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:59,297
I wish it could be done,
but this--there's no way.
278
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,100
A.J.,
279
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,830
For the second
280
00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:04,873
and final time
this season,
281
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:07,327
I hereby
enact the power of
282
00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:09,333
the host veto.
283
00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:10,703
Yes!
284
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:11,670
[dramatic music]
285
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:12,727
[sighs]
I mean...
286
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:19,003
*
287
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,130
Thank you, Grant.
288
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:22,533
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
289
00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:23,833
Yes, I am.
290
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:25,403
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
291
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,830
Yes, I am.
292
00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:28,403
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
293
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,170
Yes, I am.
294
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:30,397
You may veto
this review.
295
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,130
Thank you, Grant.
296
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:34,673
A.J., shield your eyes.
297
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:39,467
[plastic tearing]
298
00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,227
With solemn regard,
299
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:44,633
the second and final host veto
of the season
300
00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:45,933
is hereby been dutifully cast
301
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:50,573
by me, Forrest MacNeil,
being of sound mind.
302
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:51,967
Procrastination:
303
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:53,127
vetoed.
304
00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:54,533
Please destroy this...
305
00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:57,133
and please preserve these
for their historical value.
306
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,970
[sighs]
307
00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:03,397
Okay.
308
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:07,800
With zero more vetoes left,
309
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,830
here is your next review.
310
00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:11,803
Gina in Toluca Lake?
311
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,670
- Wait a minute.
- Hi.
312
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:15,127
I did this once already,
313
00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:15,873
but I don't see it
in my sent folder,
314
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,427
so I'm not sure it went.
315
00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:20,073
But anyway,
my question is,
316
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:24,830
what it would be like
to kill a person?
317
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:26,833
Wha--no.
318
00:11:26,933 --> 00:11:29,103
I already vetoed--
I vetoed that.
319
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,400
Technically,
this is a new review.
320
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,070
Oh, my God.
321
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:41,927
[suspenseful music]
322
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:43,667
Oh, my God.
323
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:44,697
You know, you could have just
wasted some time
324
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,670
like a normal person.
325
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:49,567
[door creaks]
- Ah.
326
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,597
Yeah.
327
00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:57,427
(Forrest voice-over)
Moments after a viewer asked me
to kill someone,
328
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,233
I was summoned to a meeting
with my producer Grant
329
00:11:59,333 --> 00:12:00,503
and Review's legal counsel.
330
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,630
There should've been
three vetoes.
331
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,403
(Grant)
Yes.
In retrospect, that is clear.
332
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,700
But alas.
333
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:11,270
Anyway, I just wanted to make
our position very clear.
334
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:14,067
You should not commit
a murder for the show.
335
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:14,703
Period.
336
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,800
I agree with that.
337
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:22,270
We don't care that it might have
been ground-breaking,
338
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,197
award-winning television
339
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:26,670
that people talked about
for years.
340
00:12:26,767 --> 00:12:28,367
None of that matters.
341
00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:30,067
We're talking about
a human life.
342
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,567
(Forrest)
That's--yeah. That's right.
343
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:32,797
It's a human life.
344
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:33,530
(Grant)
Even if it means
fading into obscurity,
345
00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:34,803
there is no one
346
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:37,270
whose life is so worthless
347
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,327
that you should do this.
348
00:12:38,433 --> 00:12:39,503
Yep.
349
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,070
(Grant)
Even if by not doing it,
350
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,627
eventually people go,
"Oh, yeah,
351
00:12:42,733 --> 00:12:44,103
"who was that guy
back in the day, Frosty McNell?
352
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,400
He had a show where he
barfed up pancakes?"
353
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:52,400
And if you did do this thing,
you would be doing it
354
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:56,400
knowing that not only were you
not told to by the show,
355
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,470
you were expressly told
not to do it.
356
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,627
(Forrest)
Oh.
357
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,803
Okay.
Right.
358
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,800
- Good.
- Yeah, okay.
359
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,130
Yeah.
I got it. I got it.
360
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:13,633
So you're telling me
361
00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:15,473
I should do this.
362
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:16,527
(both)
No no no no no.
363
00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:17,833
Not at all.
Quite the opposite.
364
00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:19,173
Absolutely not.
365
00:13:19,267 --> 00:13:20,567
Don't do it.
366
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,567
Got it.
367
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,467
[sighs]
368
00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:24,627
- Okay, thank you, Forrest.
369
00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:28,333
Yeah, no, thank you.
Very good.
370
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,873
(attorney)
Is he gonna do it?
371
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:35,127
We have told him
not to do it.
372
00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:36,803
[sighs]
373
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,530
[sighs]
374
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:40,533
(Forrest voice-over)
This was truly the most
horrifying request
375
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:42,133
in two seasons
as a reviewer of life.
376
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,933
- You wanted to see me?
- Dad, yes.
377
00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:47,367
(Forrest voice-over)
As I grappled with the awful
implications
378
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:48,397
of what I was being asked to do,
379
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:51,700
I turned for advice
to my father.
380
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,930
I know that you served
during Vietnam.
381
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,127
Yep, I--I sure did.
382
00:13:58,233 --> 00:13:59,133
Yeah.
383
00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:04,533
I need to know
what it felt like.
384
00:14:04,633 --> 00:14:08,073
I've never talked about this
to anyone,
385
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,073
and with good reason.
386
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:13,703
I think I need to hear it, Dad.
387
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,100
[sighs]
388
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,500
I joined in 1970.
389
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,070
I enlisted with my friends,
390
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:23,267
Danny Alfaro
and Jared Lenk.
391
00:14:23,367 --> 00:14:27,297
But right when
we started training,
392
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,630
I came down with
a terrible case of diarrhea
393
00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:31,533
they couldn't do
anything about.
394
00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:33,773
Uh-huh.
395
00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:36,267
They didn't know
if it was a viral thing
396
00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:38,267
or an intestinal
inflammation
397
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:41,367
or--they couldn't even
keep me hydrated.
398
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:43,067
Okay, but then at some point,
you, you know--
399
00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:44,767
they shipped you out.
400
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:47,967
They transferred me to
a medical center in Oklahoma.
401
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:51,167
They had a whole
team of doctors
402
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:51,767
trying to figure
this thing out.
403
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:52,797
The diarrhea.
404
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,470
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
405
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:57,927
And my paperwork
got mucked up.
406
00:14:58,067 --> 00:14:59,067
Uh-huh.
407
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,400
Spent the next 2 1/2 years
408
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,500
bouncing around
in the hospital system.
409
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,330
Did you say
you spent 2 1/2 years
410
00:15:05,433 --> 00:15:08,673
just in the hospital
in the United States?
411
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:11,197
- Studied transistor radios.
- Uh-huh.
412
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,170
I learned to cook.
413
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,127
They made me
an honorary nurse.
414
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:15,573
Did they?
415
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,367
Yeah, 'cause I was around
so much.
416
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:18,767
Okay, sorry, I just--
417
00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:19,867
I didn't have
anything else to do.
418
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:21,427
Got it.
I wanted to--I just wanted to--
419
00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:25,333
I mean, you never killed anybody
over there or anything?
420
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:26,373
As a nurse, you mean?
421
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,797
No, I mean,
you know, in war.
422
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,630
Oh, God, no.
423
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:35,633
I have a lot of stuff
to get to.
424
00:15:35,733 --> 00:15:37,233
But you know,
to this day...
425
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:37,903
Yeah?
426
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:41,067
I get the trots,
427
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:44,230
I go right back there.
428
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,233
Sure.
429
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:49,833
Sounds like that was a...
430
00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:52,733
life-changing
case of diarrhea there.
431
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:56,073
(Forrest voice-over)
My father's input
was equal parts
432
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:56,930
disgusting and unhelpful.
433
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,097
But I did eventually
434
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,170
think of someone I could kill.
435
00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:02,867
I tracked down the young man
436
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:04,667
whose brutal beating
I had witnessed
437
00:16:04,767 --> 00:16:06,927
and learned
that he was in a coma
438
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,567
with less than a 1% chance
439
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:12,197
of ever
regaining consciousness.
440
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,200
This feels like...
441
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,770
the least bad way.
442
00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:21,367
[sighs]
443
00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:21,867
[machine beeping]
444
00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:25,767
[sighs]
445
00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:26,967
[sighs]
446
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,327
This is--I mean--
447
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:31,773
Yeah. Okay. All right.
448
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:32,827
[groans]
449
00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:33,973
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep].
450
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,327
No!
No, no!
451
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:37,833
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
452
00:16:37,933 --> 00:16:38,703
I can't do it.
453
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,630
[panting]
[door clicks shut]
454
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,073
[panting]
455
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:44,197
[bleep] that.
No.
456
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,600
Nope.
[clears throat]
457
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,770
[sighs]
I can't do it.
458
00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:50,267
Oh, God.
459
00:16:50,367 --> 00:16:53,327
(Forrest voice-over)
But then I realized
that I knew someone
460
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:56,173
who was much more deserving
of my murder.
461
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,067
Ray, the man who administered
462
00:16:58,167 --> 00:17:00,227
that horrible beating
and got away with it,
463
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,803
arguably partly because of me,
464
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,600
was surely a man I could kill
465
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,470
with a somewhat softer
pang of guilt.
466
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:10,227
Finding Ray turned out to be
remarkably easy.
467
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,433
I'm looking for this man.
468
00:17:11,533 --> 00:17:13,903
He sells drugs around here.
469
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:17,567
(Forrest voice-over)
He was well-known
throughout the neighborhood.
470
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,067
I've just come from Walmart
471
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,327
where I purchased a gun
472
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:22,573
and some ammunition
473
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,067
and several
impulse purchases too.
474
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,127
I don't know.
475
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:28,173
Who can resist a $2 lawn chair?
476
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,167
Certainly not me.
477
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:30,197
This is Ray lives.
478
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,530
And I'm gonna go in there
479
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,533
and I'm gonna do
what I need to do...
480
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:37,103
[breathing heavily]
with this gun.
481
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,200
And I'm very, very frightened.
482
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:42,470
[car door dinging]
483
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:43,527
[door slams]
484
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,533
I want you to keep
a safe distance, okay?
485
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:09,173
[crying quietly]
486
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:10,927
[knocks at door]
487
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,073
[door creaks open]
488
00:18:14,167 --> 00:18:15,067
Hey!
489
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,167
Oh.
490
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,367
I know you.
491
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:24,567
You're the guy
from the other night
492
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,597
when the cops grabbed me.
493
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:27,830
- Yeah.
- What are you doing here?
494
00:18:27,933 --> 00:18:30,073
Nothing.
495
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,333
This is a miracle, man.
496
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:35,333
You are my [bleep]
guardian angel, man.
497
00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:37,073
- [laughs]
- [groans]
498
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,200
I been thinkin'
about you all the time.
499
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:41,370
You not ratting me
out like that,
500
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:42,967
that was the best
[bleep] thing
501
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,527
anyone has ever done for me
in my whole [bleep] life.
502
00:18:44,633 --> 00:18:49,203
It's like I got a real chance
to start over.
503
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,470
I'm not gonna
[bleep] it up.
504
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,897
I already enrolled
to take the GED!
505
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:54,827
I'ma get sober.
506
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:57,373
I'ma be a drug counselor
for teens.
507
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:59,527
(Forrest voice-over)
In less than a minute,
this monster,
508
00:18:59,633 --> 00:19:01,773
who I had so easily
condemned to death
509
00:19:01,867 --> 00:19:03,327
had become a human to me.
510
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,373
(Ray)
This is my son.
511
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:05,467
His name is Eric.
512
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:06,867
I have a son named Eric.
513
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:08,527
(Forrest voice-over)
A man with a future
514
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:09,403
and a right to go on living.
515
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,300
- Hi, Ray.
- Ray Dunkelman.
516
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,630
Bring it in.
517
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:13,533
(Forrest voice-over)
I knew I could not do it.
518
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,473
I could not kill
Ray Dunkelman.
519
00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:16,827
Yeah, Forrest!
520
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:18,803
(Forrest voice-over)
It was a heartwarming moment.
521
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,270
And then Ray discovered
something.
522
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,527
What the [bleep]
is this?
523
00:19:21,633 --> 00:19:23,103
- What do you mean?
- Whoa, hey.
524
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,700
- What are you doing?
- Are you wearing a wire?
525
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,470
(Forrest voice-over)
It was simply the microphone
526
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:28,067
that records my audio
for this show.
527
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,700
But Ray was not listening
to explanations.
528
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,130
[Ray shouting indistinctly]
529
00:19:32,233 --> 00:19:36,703
[smacking and shouting]
530
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,330
[Ray screaming]
531
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:38,533
You bit me!
532
00:19:38,633 --> 00:19:41,703
[screaming]
What the [bleep], Forrest?
533
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,800
[both screaming]
534
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:49,573
[Forrest screaming]
535
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:52,267
[gunshot]
536
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,327
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
537
00:19:54,433 --> 00:19:56,573
Oh, my God.
538
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:59,627
[grunting]
539
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,067
There should have been
another veto.
540
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,727
There should have been
another veto.
541
00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:07,573
There should have been
another veto.
542
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,167
[sobbing]
543
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:11,597
Whoa.
Forrest.
544
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:13,370
That was pretty intense.
545
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:16,027
Was it?
546
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:16,973
[clears throat]
547
00:20:17,067 --> 00:20:21,567
If, in fact,
what you had just seen
548
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:24,027
had been the killing
of one person
549
00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:25,773
by another person,
550
00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:28,767
then I suppose
that other person
551
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:30,367
would have found
the experience
552
00:20:30,467 --> 00:20:33,367
to have been
highly traumatizing,
553
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,767
resulting in
a ceaseless barrage
554
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:39,927
of nightmares and daymares
555
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:43,473
that will probably
haunt him or her
556
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,397
for the rest of his life.
557
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:48,030
Killing someone,
therefore,
558
00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:52,233
theoretically gets,
559
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,033
I'm assuming...
560
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,073
half a star.
561
00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:04,097
Just so you know,
the guy in the coma died too.
562
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,530
Oh, is that right?
563
00:21:05,633 --> 00:21:07,703
- Yeah.
- Okay.
564
00:21:09,433 --> 00:21:10,073
(man)
Extra cheese!
38316
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