All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S02E24.Stop.or.Ill.Steam.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(angry chords)

(door slams)

- Oh, that astroid-headed
Jupiter-crawling

Saturn-ringed fugitive
from a one-moon planet!

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin.
(disapproving tongue clicks)

Careful, there's an
Earth man present.

- I'm sorry, Tim.

Just got the better of me.

He's down there again.

- Who's down there?

Oh, Detective Brennan!

- Just the mention of his
name rubs me the wrong way.

- Oh?

What's the matter,

is he cutting in on your
time with Mrs. Brown?

- That tin star Sherlock?
- Uh huh.

- (laughs)

- (laughs)

- Oh, come on, Tim.

You should know by
now that a Martian

is too adult to be jealous.

That is an Earthly emotion.

- Oh, well, then let's
use an Earthly expression.

How come he is bugging you?

- Very simple.

Brennan is jealous.

- Oh, you mean he thinks
that you and Mrs. Brown--?

- Exactly.

And that only makes
him over-attentive
and more obnoxious!

Suppose in a weak moment she
actually agreed to marry him.

Imagine having that
overbearing, super-suspicious

public eye living
right down there!

Just five minutes ago, five
minutes ago I couldn't stand it.

I swear I mean I
couldn't stand it.

I had to hurry in here
to let off some steam!

- Yeah, he is hard to take.

- He's harder to get rid of.

(screams)

- Easy, easy, Uncle Martin!

Now take it easy!

(steam hisses)

(audience laughs)

- That looks like steam.

- I said I came in here to
let off steam, didn't I?!

- But real steam?

- What did you
expect, chicken soup?

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

(Morse code beeps)

(mysterious music)

(Morse code beeps)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music)

- That is incredible.

I mean, to really be
able to blow off steam

when you're angry.

- No more incredible
than Earthmen producing
drops of water

on their skins
when they're warm.

Besides, you probably
will never witness

the steam phenomenon again,

since its release has
stabilized my emotions.

(steam hissing)

- [Tim] I, I think
something went wrong.

There goes your hot
water boiler again.

- That shouldn't have happened.

- This is wild!

You know, an evening with you

could break up a bad chest cold.

(audience laughs)

- Of course.

The heavier Earth atmosphere
caused my steam pressure

to build up higher than normal.

It has created an imbalance

of my emotional
perceptive threshold.

Now, any minor irritation may
cause me to let off steam.

And with that snooping detective

constantly on the premises.

- Yeah, and he's no dope.

Got a great idea.

All we do, put you in bed.

Tell everyone you have
something contagious.

- Bed?

No, no, no, my mind
would still be active.

I have to be doing
something to keep busy,

but still emotionally serene,

'til my perceptors stabilize.

(knocking)

- [Woman] Yoohoo,
Martin, are ya home?

(resigned music)

- Hello, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, Martin.

Last week you were so sweet,

and offered to help
paint the house.

And I was just wondering
which you preferred,

a brush or a roller?

- I don't really think
that Uncle Martin

is gonna be able to--

- The brush, Mrs. Brown.

I think it would
be more personal.

- All righty, brush.

I'm getting the
paint this afternoon,

so we can start tomorrow.

Bye!

- You are gonna start
painting the house?

- Yes.

- Uncle Martin, if you
don't mind my saying so,

I think that the steam pressure

is starting to
cook your marbles.

- House painting, Tim, is
a perfect therapy for me.

Just the gentle
monotony that I need.

- Oh, that's just great, if
you like climbing ladders.

- Ladders?

Who's going to climb ladders?

- Well, it's pretty hard to get

to the second floor without one.

- Maybe for your
Earth house painters,

but not for me.

(mysterious trilling)

- Isn't that tricky?

(mysterious trilling
ascends and descends)

You're gonna levitate a brush
right in front of Mrs. Brown!

- No, I'll send her
off on an errand,

and by the time she returns--

- The house'll be painted?

- Finger painted.

Even on your Earth, a
well-known mental therapy.

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

- Mrs. Brown, you should
have gotten a little thinner.

- Oh, Martin!

Even if it's true,

I don't think it's very
nice for you to say.

- Oh, I beg your pardon.

I meant paint thinner.

A special type for this paint.

Unfortunately, the only
store that sells it

is on the far side of town.

- Hmm, well I asked the man
for everything I'd need.

But, well, if you say so.

(car honks)

Oh, look who's here,
Detective Brennan!

- She asked him, too.

- Oh.

Well, with him
around, that means uh,

hey, that means you won't be
able to use your uh (whistles),

you'll have to use a brush
just like anyone else.

- Worse.

Just listening to that
chicken inspector cackling,

I'll never stabilize.

It'll be steam, steam, steam.

(audience laughs)

- Oh well, hello, Bill.

- Lorelei, good
morning, how are ya?

- Fine, thank you.

Oh, my, wasn't that nice of Bill

to give up his day
off to help us paint?

- Brennan, glad
you could join us.

- I doubt it.

Your lip didn't curl
up at the left corner.

- My what didn't what?

- As a professional
observer with a sharp eye

for the seemingly trivial
detail, I have noted that

when you are genuinely happy,
even if you don't say so,

your lip curls up
at the left corner.

- When have you ever
seen me so happy?

- Any time I leave.

I glance back, and there's
that curl at the corner.

- Oh, isn't that
clever? (laughs)

Oh, I've got to run down

to the paint store
for that thinner.

- Thinner? For what?

- For the paint.

You see, Martin said that--

- Oh, that was your first
mistake, listening to amateurs.

Your second mistake was
not reading the labels.

Thin with water, clean
brushes under the faucet.

- Excuse me!

(audience laughs)

(door slams)

(steam hisses)

- Uncle Martin, you
feeling alright?

- I wouldn't say my lip is
curling at the left corner!

(audience laughs)

(tense music)

- Making any progress, O'Hara?

- Yoohoo!

Cool drinks, boys!

Oh, you're doing a
beautiful job, Bill.

Oh, and you too, Martin.

- Worked my way through
a post-graduate course

at Columbia Law painting
for another gracious lady.

Guess who.

- Must we?

- The Statue of Liberty.

Painted it twice.

- Oh, think of that!

- Brennan, hasn't anything
ordinary ever happened to you?

- Only meeting you, O'Hara!

Delicious punch, Lorelei.

(audience laughs)

Well, shall we?

Paint brush won't do
the job by itself!

Ho, ho, ho.

(ominous music)

- That would be a ridiculous
wish, wouldn't it?

(ominous music)

Oh dear, he shouldn't
try to paint that.

It's too high!

- Brennan, Brennan!

That's out of your reach.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you.

- O'Hara, you are not I.

Things are only
out of one's reach

when one hasn't the strength
of character to go after them.

- He's going after it,
and he's going to get it.

- What do you mean, Martin?

- [Bill] (shouting incoherently)

- Just that.

- Oh my goodness, what is it?!

- [Martin] I think Tom
Sawyer overstretched himself

and strained something.

- It's my back.

- Oh dear, does
it hurt terribly?

- Not if I stand
perfectly still.

- [Lorelei] Martin, help him!

We can't just leave the
poor man up there like that.

- Yes, I guess we'd
better do something,

because he doesn't do anything
for the front of the house.

All right, Tim, come on,
help me, get over here.

Over on that side,

let's see if we can get
him down from this ladder.

- [Tim] Easy now,
- [Bill] (shouting)

- [Tim] easy, easy, easy!
- [Bill] (groaning)

- [Tim] Thata way, thata way.
- [Bill] (groaning)

- [Tim] Easy, easy, easy!
- [Bill] (screaming)

- [Martin] There we go,
get the brush there.

Thank you very much.

Get over on that
side there, Tim,

and move him down, all right?

Let's get him toward the stairs.

- [Everyone] (exclaiming
incoherently)

- [Lorelei] Oh, no no no no no.

We'll never get
him down the steps.

Oh, Tim, do you think we
could possibly take him in

and set him down on your bed?

- Well, I suppose there's
no reason we can't.

- Well at least none
to speak of, no.

All right, let's
get him that way.

Okay, Tim, come on.

- [Bill] (shrieks)

- All right, Tim, back
up, back up, back up.

Turn him around,
turn him around.

All right, Tim, get back
there, stand by the door.

Stand by the door,
okay, get him.

- [Bill] (shouts)

- [Martin] All right, pull him.

- [Bill] (groaning)

It's an old football injury.

- The one you got at
the Rose Bowl, no doubt.

- Did you see that game?

- There's nothing serious, but
you must lay absolutely still

right where you are
until this thing passes.

- Here?

- Oh well, don't worry, Bill.

I'm sure that Martin and Tim
don't mind a bit, do you.

- No!

- Now, provided he stays
put, this thing should pass

just as suddenly as it
came in an hour, or a day.

Possibly two days.

It could take a week.

Now, he gets one pill now,
and one after each meal.

And if this thing hasn't
passed in a month,

please let me know.

- A month?!

(audience laughs)

- [Martin]
Fascinating, isn't it?

It's the new advanced
Martian mathematics.

- Oh? I didn't even
dig the old Earth one.

- The principle is simple.

Like all steam, the
pressures within me

were created by sudden
rises in temperature.

- You mean, you were really
getting hot under the collar?

- Exactly.

You've heard the expression,

he's reaching his boiling point?

Well, mine is 500
degrees centigrade,

and I'm running at
about 498 right now.

The only method for
counteracting this

is by the sudden
introduction of extreme cold.

About, mmm, 300
degrees below zero.

Into my right ear.

(audience laughter)

- And I thought my ears got
cold when I went skiing.

- I'll have to borrow
a few odds and ends,

plus the use of
your refrigerator.

- My refrigerator?

It hardly keeps milk cold.

- With a little
inverse compression,

I could cycle it down
to 1,000 below zero,

and run the low grade
current into my left ear.

And I'd better start tomorrow.

If I continue to steam
at my present rate,

through dehydration my body
will soon have the consistency

of a soda cracker.

- Is there anything
I can do to help?

- Yes.

As a matter of fact,
there is one problem

I can't handle alone.

- Brennan?

- Lieutenant Brennan, to you.

- [Martin] With what
I'm going to do,

I can't have Mrs. Brown
running in and out

playing Florence Nightingale
to that counterfeit constable.

I'll depend on you to
keep her out of the way

while I set things up.

- I'd be glad to, but
what about Brennan?

- [Martin] Tim, as much
as I hate to go that far,

I'll have to take care of him.

(audience laughter)

(playful music)

- All right, yes, that
should convert very easily.

But Tim, I'll need about two
or three hours of privacy.

- Oh, well, I thought maybe we
could give Mrs. Brown a story

like your birthday was coming
up and I'd like her to go down

and help me pick
out a gift for you.

- Very good.

And if you have any
trouble stalling her,

I suggest you leave the store
by way of ladies' dresses.

Today is Bargain Day.

- Martin, we want to stall her
just for a couple of hours.

Not 'til next Tuesday.

- Well, our patient
should be awake by now.

I'll steel myself and
(groans) take this in to him.

- Yeah, well, just be careful.

Don't lose your head.

With his ego, anybody
could get steamed up.

(playful music)

- Good morning,
Detective Brennan.

Or should I say, Poopsie,
is oo feeling better?

- Mr. O'Hara, I will flatter
you and say I would have said

the same thing if our
positions were reversed,

and I wish they were.

Where's Lorelei?

- Uh, she had to leave.

Today I'll be your nana.

- I see.

So you brought me coffee.

- It's strong,
but it won't bite.

Or are you one of
those who thinks

everyone else's coffee
tastes like poison?

- Poison?

Well, no, of course not.

Why should I think
a thing like that?

But, um, suppose I
don't want coffee.

- Brennan, today you'd
better take what I give you,

because that's all
you're getting.

What's coming to you!

(dramatic chords)

- Murder may pass
unpunished for a time,

but tardy justice will
o'ertake the crime.

(tense music)

(playful music)

(secretive music)

Lieutenant Bram, put me
through to Marvin, please.

(phone rings)

- Lieutenant Gallagher.

- [Bill] Hello, Martin.

- Oh, hi, Bill.

- Listen, my back is fine now,
but I'm not coming in yet.

I think I'm on to something big.

I've been lying in bed
trying to stop a murder.

Mine.

Oh, it's nothing to
be excited about,

but here's something
that is interesting.

The would-be murderer,
without realizing

that I was too clever to be
taken in by tainted coffee,

is now planning--

- To electrocute you?

- You know how I excelled
at higher math at Harvard.

You do? Oh.

Well, if I can't make
sense of his calculations,

there's only one thing
they can be: code.

At first I thought it
was simple jealousy.

But now I realize the man is
obviously trying to cover up

some sinister plot he's
terrified I'll discover.

- Maybe you'll need help.

- Au contraire, this is my baby.

The suspect is in a
highly emotional state,

and if I can
irritate him enough,

I think I can get
him to make a slip.

Of course, I'll continue
putting on a sick act.

Did you know I was president

of the dramatic club at Harvard?

Oh, you did?

Well, I'll be checking in.

(calm music)

(bell rings)

(dramatic chords)

- Your lunch, Brennan.

The cooking will meet with
your approval I'm sure.

- I wish I were.

- Lieutenant, I have
nothing but admiration

for a good police man,
which should give you

some idea of what
I think of you.

- O'Hara, you should be thrilled
to have this opportunity.

After all, the
only way one grows

is by associating
with one's betters.

Oh, by the way, I like my
steak cut up nice and small.

And um, incidentally, do you
have any reading material?

Uh, you know, something
like spy stories

with codes and things?

- Why don't you stick
to detective stories?

You might learn something!

- O'Hara, things are
difficult enough.

Lying in bed can
be quite boring.

Why, this morning,
just to amuse myself,

I was working on a
problem in electronics.

I don't suppose you know
anything about electricity

and wiring and things like that.

- Brennan, I have been patient.

I have been trying to
keep from losing control.

But one more remark from you,
and I'll be forced to forget

that I'm a human being
and that you are not!

- See, O'Hara, you're
raising your voice!

And shouting is only a weak mind

trying to show how strong it is.

(angry music)

(door slams)

(phone rings)

(audience laughs)

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- Have we been away long enough?

I took Mrs. Brown past
the bargain counter.

I almost had to buy
back my own jacket!

- I'm sorry, Tim.

You're going to have to keep
her away a while longer.

If I don't put myself through
the process immediately,

you're going to come home
and find a soda cracker.

(playful chords)

(suspenseful music)

- [Martin's Thoughts] That
cardboard cutout should keep

Brennan thinking I'm out
there while I'm in here.

(door closes softly).

- Wait a minute.

I still don't know what it is,

but I'm positive
he's up to something.

And if my knowledge of
psychology is correct,

he's about ready to crack
and spill the beans.

No, he can't hear me.

Sound asleep.

- Uncle Martin, I got
her to stay downtown!

Uncle Martin?

Ah, Uncle Martin, I just got--

(surprised chords)

Oh, just look at you.

Oh, that's my fault.

- Strange new
development, Marvin.

I'll call you back.

- I should've made you move out.

Just look at you!

You're all steamed out.

You're a cracker!

My poor, dehydrated Uncle.

You're a cracker.

Would you like a glass of water?

Anything?

Want to take a swim?

(electricity hisses)

- [Martin] Ah,
Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto!

E equals M C squared!

- You can use your back!

- Not only my back, I
can use my handcuffs.

- Oh no, oh no, no!

You don't want to go in there,
no, no, he's busy right now.

He's terribly occupied!

He, he's cooking.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Cooking up what?

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

(Morse code beeps)

(playful trilling)

- I, uh, hate to be obvious,
but what's going on here?

- What's going on?

- Did you say, what's going on?

Well, he, he...

- Yes?

- I'll be glad to tell
you, Lieutenant Brennan.

- And I'll be glad to listen.

And I want the truth.

- Very well.

It all started
because of the steam

that was coming out of my ears.

- Uncle Martin!

- Let him talk.

- As I said, the steam
was coming out of my ears

because I was getting an
accumulation of aggravation.

And since I don't want
to become a soda cracker,

I am forced to put 300
degrees of cold into one ear

and 2,000 amps of
electricity into the other,

keeping myself
properly grounded.

All I'm really trying to do
is stay well and healthy.

So that when the time comes,

I'll be able to get into my
space ship and go back to Mars.

- That's the truth.

- My word of honor.

- I believe you.

(audience laughter)

(playful music)

- This uncle of yours...

- Yes?

- He needs help.

He really believes
what he told me.

If a rescuer doesn't
bring him around,

we have a very
capable psychiatrist

who works with the department.

And if you like, I
might even find time

to have a few private
sessions with him.

I majored in abnormal
psychology, you know.

- I didn't know that.

- Oh, yes.

Take my word, it's
quite serious.

- I understand.

- Good.

And good luck.

(audience laughter)

- Quick, pull that switch!

I haven't much time.

- Oh, say when.

- When.

(scary chords)

(fizzing)

I guess so.

I feel completely depressurized.

- Well, I mean, I thought
there was supposed to be,

you know, some kind
of an explosion

or at least a little
blinding light.

- Tim, don't you see?

The pressure was gone before
you pulled that switch.

- How come?

- It was the sheer pleasure

of putting something over
on that dime detective.

It's very simple.

Some people get heartburn.

I had Brennan.

(laughs)

(audience laughter)

(playful music)

(gentle music)

- Hey, you're not even
using your finger.

- No, Tim, I feel so rejuvenated
vitamins could take me.

- That's great.

Things could be
different, you know.

I mean, that was
some gamble you took

telling Brennan the truth.

- I was not gambling.

A gamble implies
a chance to lose.

- Oh, but how could be
sure that he'd believe you?

- Tim, Brennan is a man who
thinks he knows people's minds,

and that's the
difference between us.

Thinking you know,
and knowing you know.

Besides, it just goes to prove

honesty is the best policy.

(audience laughter)

(playful riffs)

(lighthearted music)

(mysterious chords)