Original subtitles

- I didn't get to where I am

without knowing how the world works, son.

- I understand that, Arthur.

- And I'm used to getting what I want,

so why don't you just tell me what it'll take.

- I'm sorry?

- Don't prat about, son, just give us the bottom line.

- I'm afraid I...

- My theme park is the biggest in the North of England,

most of it built with these hands.

In five years we'll be the biggest in Europe.

- Yes, yes, but...

- No buts, son.

Just tell me what I have to give you

and Joe 90 here to win that tender.

- Oh, I'm afraid the tenders are all sealed.

- Sealed, my ass.

Harry.

There's 25K there.

I won't be beat by some bloody Yank dressed up as a mouse.

- Well, this is most irregular.

- Are we doing business, or what?

Like I said, I usually get what I want.

- Once the deadline has passed we can get working

on having it moved for you.

- This will put us right up there with the big boys.

- I'm sure it will.

- All I'm sayin' is, ya know,

if I was a bird, well, I'd shag me.

- Can you hear yourself?

- I reckon she's gotta be a lesbian, ain't she?

- What, just 'cause she knocked you back?

- Listen, mate, all right, I don't get knocked back, okay?

Unless they're either A, a lesbian, or B, frigid.

- Or both.

- Exactly.

- Yeah, well maybe she's got a boyfriend.

- So?

- Well, ya know, maybe she's happy with him.

- Well, mate, happy, so what?

Why go for second best?

Mick, straight off, okay?

If you was a bird, would you shag me?

- He's having a crisis of confidence.

The new receptionist blanked him.

- Very simple, yes or no?

- No.

- Right, well, that's 'cause you'd be a lesbian.

- Stacie, what's our working capital like?

- Yeah, it's healthy, why?

- Albert's got a bite.

- There he is, come on!

- Sir Anthony Reeves.

Until this morning, he was CEO

of one of the major utility companies.

Huge losses and underinvestment in infrastructure

led to a rise in utility bills, up 39%,

and calls for his resignation.

His reward for this inept piece of mismanagement

was a golden handshake of a half million.

Sir Anthony borders on the xenophobic.

Staunch defender of the pound, hates anything European.

He refers to anyone who earns less

than 100,000 a year as "a member of the great unwashed."

- Nice man.

- Apartment in the city and a rather nice

country home which he shares

with his wife Janice and two dogs.

- How did you find him, Albert?

- We're both members of the same gentleman's club.

We were on nodding terms until I learned recently

about his new fortune.

- So you became firm friends?

- Mm, the best.

And he has two dirty little secrets he hides from his wife.

A hankering for prostitutes.

- No, please.

- Don't worry, my dear,

it's the second little vice I think we should use.

- Which is?

- I discovered it when I borrowed his newspaper.

- He likes the gee-gees.

- Better still, his wife disapproves of gambling.

- Who's a naughty boy, then?

- The wire.

- The wire?

- Nobody's worked the wire in a hundred years.

- Last time I saw that was in "The Sting."

- It's an old-time scam, it's pre-1900.

Racing results used to go from east to west

by Western Union telegraph.

- Now, all you had to do was convince the mark

that you had someone on the inside

who could delay the results until you got the bet on.

- Danny.

Are you listening?

- Yes, Mickey.

Ash, can we make it work?

- Yeah, but everyone watches races live these days.

- Yeah, but not in person.

- No.

Yeah, well the principle still holds good, I suppose.

Just have to use video link instead of telegraph.

- Albert?

- It's big.

- So are we.

- What can I get ya?

- I'm looking for someone.

- Aren't we all?

- Danny Blue.

You know him?

- Sorry, mate, never heard of him.

- On the off chance you meet him in the next few days,

could you give him this for me?

- Yeah, I'll keep it simple.

Seeing as you gave us a tour of London.

- Yeah, thanks.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Now, you've got a chip on your shoulder, Dan.

And you should lose it,

or you'll always feel on the outside.

- Yeah, well what's new?

I've been on the outside all my life.

- In a good crew, that'd make you a liability.

- Oh, I know that.

- Then deal with it.

- Will you be lunching with us, Mr. Winston?

- No, thank you, Paul.

My colleague and I have some business to discuss.

- The library is free.

- Lovely.

- How do you remember all your names?

- Don't need to.

In places like this, it's their job to remember them.

- This is a guaranteed winner, Uncle James, all right?

You have just gotta take my word on it.

- I'm sure you're right, dear boy,

but I'm afraid I don't gamble.

Anthony, I thought you'd be in hiding.

Nasty business.

- That's the problem with the great unwashed.

They hate to see a fella make a few pounds.

- Quite.

I'm sorry, Anthony, this is Peter,

the son of a very old friend of mine.

- How do you do, sir?

- How do you do?

- Anthony's having a bit of trouble with the press.

- Oh, you're joking.

They are scumbags, aren't they?

- You've had dealings with them?

- Not personally, sir.

My dad did a few years back.

He was an activist in the anti-Euro campaign.

Press were all over him.

- Really?

- Now, it's best forgotten, Peter.

Anthony, won't you join us?

- Yeah, take my seat, sir, I'm just off.

- No need on my account.

- No, really, I only popped in here

to make Uncle James a few quid.

But as ever, he weren't interested.

- Horses for courses, dear boy, horses for courses.

- Anyway, I could talk all day.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Goodbye, Uncle James.

- Please say hello to your mother for me.

- I will do.

- Okay. - Bye-bye.

- Black sheep of the family through his teens

but he turned in to be a rather nice young man.

- He's in investments?

- Oh, God no.

Horses.

- Horses?

- Yeah, the racing variety.

You know, the hot tip or whatever it is they call it.

- Did he mention the name?

- Name?

- Of the horse.

- Yes, it's...

No, it's gone.

Just as well, though.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Some coffee, huh?

Paul!

- All right? - Yeah.

- What's a nice place like this doing with a girl like you?

- I take it it went well.

- Oh yeah, you'd have been proud of me.

I was a real team player.

- Your round, Danny.

- Hello?

Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me

what won the last race?

Anywhere.

That's excellent, thank you.

- I heard you got blanked by some bird at the hotel.

- I did not get blanked, okay?

Did not get blanked.

She's a lesbian.

- Right, right.

Oh, had some bloke in here earlier lookin' for you.

- What bloke?

- He didn't leave his name,

but he left his number here somewhere.

- It seems it's true, what you say.

About a fool and his money.

- Oh?

- There's a chap in here.

He was apparently conned into believing

he was buying the London Eye.

- Really?

- Apparently turned up to take possession.

What was he thinking of?

- I can't imagine.

Thank you.

- The problem is, some people don't deserve money.

When chaps like us earn a few bob they call us fat cats.

I mean, I don't moan when one of the plebs

wins the lottery, do I?

- I could hardly put it better myself.

- Providing he doesn't move in next to me, of course.

- Margo's Girl.

- I'm sorry?

- That horse you asked me about,

Margo's Girl, 1:00 p.m.

Just came back to me.

- Where was it running, do you know?

- I have no idea.

I wonder if it won?

- It's easy enough to find out.

Paul, there was a horse running today, Margo's Girl.

Could you see how it did for me?

There's a good chap.

You'll be sick if it won.

- Oh, I never gamble.

- There's nothing wrong with an occasional flutter.

- I don't know one end of the horse from the other.

- It's the sport of kings, old chap.

You haven't lived till you've seen your horse

running up that hill at Cheltenham.

- I'll have to take your word for it.

- Margo's Girl won, sir.

- Prize?

- 12 to one.

- Good Lord.

This nephew of yours, what does he do exactly?

- Well, to tell you the truth I'm not sure,

just something to do with horses.

- I'd very much like to meet him again.

- Oh, well, I'm sure that can be arranged.

♪ Ow ♪

- Ah, you must be Danny.

Wasn't sure you'd come.

- Well, I was curious.

Listen, mate, I ain't got all day,

so who are you, what do you want?

- The name's Ray Fordham.

Are you as good as they say you are, Danny?

- What are you then, cop?

- Do I look like a cop?

- Well, they come in all shapes and sizes, don't they?

- Oh, I'm a grifter, just like you.

- Oh, are ya?

Well, how come I never heard of you then?

- You have.

Scottish Ray?

- You're Scottish Ray?

Well, you ain't even Scottish.

- The name came from my first big con.

I took a 50 grand down payment on Edinburgh Castle.

- Yeah, I read about that.

94, weren't it?

- 95.

I took another 20 grand for putting in double-glazing.

- Well, don't you just love the Yanks?

- Oh yes, they got romance in their soul.

- All right, I'm glad to meet you, Ray.

- Likewise.

- So, what can I do for you, mate?

- I'm puttin' a new crew together.

- Yeah?

Well, I know some people.

- I don't want people, Danny.

I want you.

- Okay.

Well, I think we've hooked him in enough

to give him a convincer.

Ash, what about this place you've found?

- Well, it has to be a build.

- Okay, but let's make it good.

How long, do you think?

- Couple of days, if I can get enough bodies.

- Yeah, do it.

We could...

You should have been here half an hour ago.

- Sorry.

Right, Albert will set up the meet with Danny

for the day after tomorrow.

You have to be ready by then.

- Yeah, I will be.

- Stacie, work out the costs with Ash,

and then double up with Danny later on.

- Okay.

- Questions?

Okay, let's do it.

Problem?

- No.

- Friend of mine down here

tells me you can find anyone.

- If who you're looking for is in London,

I can find 'em.

- How much is that gonna cost me?

- Depends who it is

and what you're gonna do when you find 'em.

- Two con men, one black, one white.

I'm gonna kill 'em.

- How's it going?

- Yeah, well decoration's easy enough,

but we need to start getting the hardware in.

- What's the setup?

- Five or six furlong races are the best bet.

Means the race is over in a minute to a minute-and-a-half.

- Good, good.

And you've got everything you need?

- Yeah, well you'll know when I haven't.

Oi, steady with those, Eddy wants 'em back.

♪ All right now ♪

- James, what a lovely surprise.

- This is Peter, and his young friend, Yvonne.

- Come in, I'll fix you some drinks.

Anthony's in the lounge.

- That's so lovely.

- James, welcome.

- Pleasure.

- Peter, nice to see you again.

- Sir.

- And who is this vision of beauty?

- This is Yvonne.

- I'm delighted to make your acquaintance, my dear.

- Sir Anthony.

- Do you mind if I steal this young man?

- Be my guest.

- James tells me you're a betting man.

- Not really, sir.

- Playing dumb, eh?

Let's see if a few drinks'll loosen you up.

♪ Come on ♪

- That's what I like to see.

A mark who does all the hard work himself.

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, we get the TV feed in here showing us the live race.

Obviously we can't fix the races, they're legit.

But this little baby holds up the pictures

till the end of the race.

Now, when we've got a winner, we give it to you,

and you got about two minutes to put a bet on

before we start feedin' it through the front.

As far as anyone out there is concerned,

they're watching the race live.

- Two minutes isn't very long.

- Yeah, well you slow up the pictures any more,

our man might smell a rat.

- Then it'll have to do.

- Right, the main area is fully functioning.

I've tapped into a street light outside for electricity,

re-routed mains water for the toilets,

and as long as he doesn't start kickin' the walls

they should stay up long enough to get the job done.

- Ash, it's a work of art.

- Yeah.

I've got 20 grifters comin' in as punters.

When they're here, it will be the doggie's whatsits.

- Okay, then we can start tomorrow.

- Yeah.

- All I'm asking is that you throw the odd tip my way.

- Oh, that's more than my job's worth.

- You did it for James.

- Yeah, but he's virtually family, isn't he?

I mean, he'd do anything for me.

And with all due respect, sir,

I hardly even know you, do I?

- James will vouch for me.

- Will he, now?

So what are you, a racing man, are you?

- I think I'm what you call an enthusiastic amateur.

- All right.

So, what I'm about to tell you mustn't,

mustn't go any further.

- You have my word.

- I work for a syndicate.

We buy racehorses.

- I knew it, you've got inside knowledge.

- Listen, it's slightly more than that.

Last year, the company that I work for,

they teamed up with three other syndicates.

Then, at Kempton last year, we realized that between them

they owned all the runners in a single race.

- Really?

- From there it's just a short step

to being able to determine which horses

are gonna win certain races.

- You mean, fix them?

- I'm not saying fix 'em.

I'm just sayin' they know who's gonna win before they start.

- And you can get the names of the winning horses?

- Me, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm much too far down the food chain.

- But the horse you told James about.

- Well, that came from Yvonne.

- Your girlfriend.

- Can I be honest with you?

- Absolutely.

- Come here.

Listen, I'm trusting you completely here.

And I hope Uncle James ain't got you all wrong.

- I can assure you he hasn't.

- Now, the truth is Yvonne and me aren't really together.

She's a high-class escort.

Absolutely lovely.

I mean, I take her out every now and again.

Last week, I gave her number to my boss.

She spends a bit of time with him,

she overhears him talking on the phone.

Now the thing is, he's got a bit of a crush on her now.

He said he wants to see her again.

- I don't blame him.

- But I gets to thinkin' well,

maybe I can find out a few more winners.

I went to Uncle James 'cause basically

I ain't got the funds to finance it.

- So you're looking for a backer?

- Well, we wouldn't be having this conversation

if I weren't, would I?

I mean, the most I could raise last time was a grand.

- But you got 12,000 back.

- Well, yeah.

But what if I'd had 10 grand?

- Looks like we have a nibble.

- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, I'm gonna have another crack at Frosty.

All right?

Chatty as ever.

See ya.

- Yeah, that's quite a team.

Stacie Monroe, Albert Stroller,

Three Socks Morgan and the great Mickey Bricks.

- What are you doing here?

- I just wondered if you'd made your mind up yet.

- We're in the middle of a score.

- And what's your cut, Danny?

Who's calling the shots?

See, all you're doing is using your talent

to make Mickey Bricks look good,

big up his reputation.

- I'm learnin' off him.

- And as long as you're doing that,

he'll treat you like a kid.

Clock's ticking, Danny.

- It ain't that easy.

I owe them.

- Well, the choice is yours.

You know where I am.

You're never gonna move up in class,

not until you break free.

- All set?

- You're sure a bet of this size'll go unnoticed?

- Listen, there's a private gambling club

the syndicate use sometimes.

I'm a member there.

Strictly for high rollers.

It's all cash, no questions asked.

I've seen people place bets

of up to a quarter of a million there.

No one even bats an eyelid.

If we stick to one bet a day, no one's gonna notice us.

I'm gonna put in all my winnings from last time.

- All 12,000?

- Why not, when you know you can't lose?

- Where to?

- No worries.

- You all right?

- That was too easy.

- Okay, guys, car's pulled up.

- Okay, everyone, showtime.

Stacie, outta sight.

- This is my card.

- You wouldn't even know this place was here.

- It's strictly members only.

- Gets me away from the damn press.

- All right, we've got roulette and blackjack through there.

- Can you believe it?

20 grand beaten by a neck.

Next time remind me to back a giraffe.

- This is the poker room.

- Uh-huh.

- Peter.

- Mike.

How you doin', Mike?

- Hello, long time no see.

- Good to see ya, man, how ya doin'?

This is my guest Anthony Reeves.

- It'll be a pleasure to take your money, sir.

- Not today, thanks, Mike.

We're feeling very lucky.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and everyone else in here.

- All right.

That's Mike Taylor, the manager.

- He seems very full of himself.

- Yeah, but not for long, though, eh?

All right, Yvonne'll call as soon as she gets the horse.

Okay, it's gonna be close to the start,

so you get your bet on as soon as it comes through.

All right, here ya go.

There's my money.

- Okay.

- Well?

- The last two, the odds are too high.

- That's it. - Stacie?

- And they're racing.

- If they win too much it'll break us before we start.

Take three to one or less.

- And on the stands, well,

Flak Jacket coming through.

They'll tip them all out, I reckon.

Flak Jacket coming home alone on the near side.

Flak Jacket gets up the wind from Sober Jones,

then in third... - Flack Jacket.

- Price? - Two to one.

- Okay, go.

- Hello?

- Put it on Flak Jacket.

- Right.

- Okay? - Yup.

- 50 grand, Dancing Ridge to win in the next.

- 50 to win, thank you, sir.

There you are, sir, thank you.

- Thank you.

- Sir.

- 24,000 to win, Flak Jacket in the next race.

- 24 to win, thank you very much, sir.

There we are, sir, thank you very much.

- They're ready.

That's it, and they're racing.

- They're off.

- Flak Jacket, two to one.

- Go on, son, come on.

- Just relax. - Go on.

Oh, am I scared.

- Come on, Flak Jacket.

Come on, son.

- You're joking, come on!

- Go, go, go! - Get your whip out, boy.

He's comin' up, he's comin' up, he's comin'.

Get up now.

- Come on there, Ridge.

- That's it, go to the rail!

Go to the rail, come on!

Come on, Flak Jacket, come on, son!

Come on, Flak Jacket.

Come on, come on.

Show him the whip, come on!

Come on, Flak Jacket.

- He's gonna do this, come on, Sober Dawn.

- Come on now.

- Flak Jacket gets over...

- Come on, my son!

Atta boy, what did I tell ya?

Oh, beautiful.

- Me tell ya.

- You little beauty.

- Hasn't been confirmed yet, sir.

That's 48 plus your stake.

That's 72 in all, sir.

20, 30, 40.

50, 60, 70, and two.

There we are, sir.

- What's your maximum bet, eh?

- We have no maximum, sir.

- Lovely.

- Let's do it again.

- No, no, one race a day, we agreed.

- One more won't make a difference.

- All we're gonna do is draw attention to ourselves.

Now, let's just go, okay?

- Flak Jacket.

- Flak Jacket.

I can't believe it was that easy.

- You wouldn't believe what I had to do

to get that horse's name.

- Oh, I don't know.

Try me.

- Listen, the thing is, if we wanna make real money,

we need to put one big bet on

while Yvonne's still on the inside.

- There's no rush, surely?

- Well, what if he calls the agency

and asks for another girl?

- He'd be mad.

- No, Yvonne's right.

We don't wanna take that risk.

And anyway, when all this is over you two lovebirds

get to spend the week together, don't ya?

Just as promised, Tony.

- So we do.

- So, what do you think?

He wants one more smaller bet, just to make sure.

- Oh, wonderful!

- Wasn't Danny's fault.

- The pot is empty, we can't pay out.

Everything was geared to taking him

for the big one next time.

- He's this close.

- Close does not cut it, Danny.

- It can't be helped.

We'll have to shut him out.

- Okay.

- You know, sometimes a desire for perfection

can be misinterpreted as criticism.

- Oh, is that so?

- Yeah.

- Why so grumpy?

- I don't know.

- Is it Rachel?

- Yeah, I had the decree nisi.

So, it's all over.

- Why didn't you say?

- How would that have helped?

- Could have reminded you that everyone here loves you.

- Ya know, maybe after this one,

we should take a break for a while.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- I think we should do 50.

- Whatever you say.

- Hello.

- Two, three there.

First, number nine, Mostarsil.

- Put it on Mostarsil.

- Right.

Mostarsil.

- Okay, run it now, before he gets to the window.

- Mostarsil in the next.

50,000 to win.

- They're set and they're racing.

- Oh, the race has started, sir.

- No, I said it before they started.

- I'm sorry, sir.

- Problem?

- I was trying to place a bet.

- The race has started, sir.

- Desert Island just sticks to the inside.

- No, no more bets.

Try the next race.

- Come on, come on.

- That's it, come on.

Come on, come on, Mostarsil!

Come on, my!

10 to one, that is half a...

- I didn't get the bet on.

- What?

- I didn't have time.

- That's half a million.

- Number nine, Mostarsil,

is the winner we think.

We're still waiting for the official confirmation

of that, though.

Owned by...

- Shit!

- No, wait, I wanna see what they're doing.

- Okay, so he's gone for the bait,

and we're all set for tomorrow.

Stacie, Danny, go reel him in.

Any thoughts?

- Think you've covered everything.

- Then go bring him in.

And no mistakes this time.

I know, I know, but I'm teaching him.

- You're smothering him.

Give him his head.

Maybe you'll see in him what I did.

What I saw in you once.

- We've got a problem, we're gonna have to meet up.

Yeah, okay, well what about 6:30?

You go, I got him.

All right, thanks, Anthony.

This country's got stalking laws, ya know.

- Just thought I'd let you know I'm heading back tomorrow.

I check out of the hotel at three.

- Well, that's fine, but I ain't made a decision yet.

- Ah, you'll be there.

- What!

- The syndicate's being investigated.

- Why?

- I don't know, all right, it is.

Someone got wind of it.

It's all off.

- It can't be.

- I'm telling you, it is.

They're gonna do one tomorrow, they're pulling the plug.

- Wait a minute, you say they're doing one more.

- Yeah, well, it's already set.

- Why can't we do it, too?

- Are you havin' a laugh?

The authorities will be watching that race like hawks.

- They'll be watching the syndicate, not us.

- I don't know.

What do you think?

- Risky.

- He who dares and all that.

Surely it's worth the risk.

- If we're gonna do this it has got to be a big bet

because I'm telling you, this is the last chance.

- Absolutely.

- The most I can raise is probably gonna be about 30K.

- You've gotta be joking.

I'm not risking getting caught for that.

- So how much would it take?

- Half a million.

- What?

- Half a million.

Even if we only get two to one again, we clear a million.

- It's too rich for my blood, I'm afraid.

- We could have a wonderful week

with a million pounds in the bank.

- I'm sorry, no.

- Oh well, if you're not up to it.

- It's not a question of not being up to it,

I just can't afford to lose that kind of money.

- Well, how could you lose?

I mean, you've seen how it works.

- Even so.

Half a million?

- This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I mean, it's now or it's never.

Remember, a faint heart never won a fair maiden.

- Okay, I'm in.

Bank manager thought I was insane.

I had to threaten to close my account.

- Yeah, well he'll calm down when you pay double back in.

- Are you sure they'll take a bet of this size?

- You heard the man, no limit.

- Gentlemen, feeling lucky again?

- I think we'll be okay.

- Think so?

Oh, I do hope that's full of money.

- We'll soon wipe the smile off his face.

- Yeah, well, just ignore him.

Right, Yvonne'll phone a horse through,

and then she'll meet us here.

I'll get us a drink.

- Okay.

- On that one now

and looking for a split in the center.

- Anything?

- Favorite won the last.

- We've gotta try and get bigger odds.

- Is makin' it up...

- Wait.

- Kieren Fallon has gone two or three

in front of Roofer and Dennis El Menace, battling on as...

- Yeah?

Got it.

Place it all on Roofer in the next race.

Yeah, I'll see ya there.

- Okay?

- Roofer.

- Roofer.

Roofer, eight to one, eight to one.

That's four million.

Listen, they're in the stalls.

Get the bet on, get the bet on.

- Last one to get brought up the near side.

- Thank you very much, sir.

- Roofer in the next race.

Half a million pounds to win.

Is there a problem?

- One moment, sir.

- What's wrong, Paul?

- This gentleman wants to place a large bet, sir.

- How large?

- Half a million.

- Price?

- Roofer, eight to one.

- I understood there was no limit.

- Take the gentleman's bet, Paul.

- Yeah, but I haven't had time to count it.

- Just take the case, and if the horse wins,

then we'll count it and we'll pay out on whatever's there.

- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you very much.

- That's it.

- Oh yes. - I think we're just about

ready for our first.

Just looked away.

Catamount, you'll see him favored here.

Set on the boards, and they're racing.

And on the near inside... - Come on, come on, Roofer.

- So, you get it on all right?

- Roofer, half a million to win.

- To win?

I told you place.

- Place?

- What?

- I said place.

The syndicate went for a place

to throw everyone off the scent.

That's what I told you.

I said, "Place it on Roofer."

That horse finishes third.

- Maneuver around there

with him into the back of the field then.

- There's been a mistake.

I want my money back.

- Sir?

- I meant to say place not win.

- The race has started, sir.

- I don't care about the race, I want my money back.

- House rules dictate that I'm not...

- Give me my money.

- Come on, take it easy.

- What the hell is going on?

- You don't understand, there's been a mistake.

- There was no mistake, sir.

Your horse just lost.

- Get off me.

- Hey, aren't you Sir Anthony Reeves?

Boys, boys, get some shots.

- Please.

- Is this what you're doing with your golden handshake, sir,

gambling with the taxpayers' money?

- Are you gambling with our taxes?

- I'm not betting, I don't gamble.

- Did this man place a bet with you, sir?

- That's confidential.

- Can you explain to our readers

why you're in a private gambling club, sir?

- I'm visiting a friend.

- Do you think it's fair, sir,

that the taxpayers should - Would you get that camera

out of my face? - Fund your gambling habit?

Come on, sir, what have you got to say to our readers, sir?

More important than the taxpayer, sir?

That's a nice car, Sir Anthony.

Did you fund that out of your winnings, sir?

Sir Anthony!

- Did you see that?

Did you see that?

- There it is!

- Well done, everyone, well done.

All right, let's get out of here.

Wages in Eddie's Bar tomorrow night.

Let's go, let's go.

- Let's bring the van round.

- Danny.

Well done, mate.

- All right.

Look, Mick, now this is all over,

there's something I need to tell you.

Well, the thing is...

- Look at ya, rats in a sewer.

Eyesight better?

What was it, laser?

I hear they're very good.

- Hey, what can we do for you, Arthur?

- What can you do for me?

Well, you could try dropping to your knees,

kissing my feet, and begging me

not to paint the walls with you.

But I'll settle for what you've just taken off the last mug.

- I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

- You got 10 seconds.

- Give him the money, Danny.

- Hold on a minute.

- Shut up.

- No.

Do you know, I'm sick of him telling me

when I can speak and when I can't.

- I'll handle this.

- Oh, like you deal with everything?

Well, I'm sorry, Mickey, but unless

I've missed something here, you've just led us

up shit creek and you forgot to pack the paddles.

- Oh, and that's what this is all about, isn't it, Danny?

'Cause you think you could do better.

Everything you've done since you got

out of nick has been down to me.

- Down to you?

- Yeah, except for the power impressions.

Well, you do them yourself.

- Hey, hey, hey, you were a short con artist, Danny,

working the clubs and bars for drinks till I took you in.

- Yeah, you gave me a shot, yeah, and I'm grateful for that

but I've been carrying you ever since.

- No, the only thing you've been carrying, mate,

is an over-inflated ego.

- You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, son.

I mean, you do have some qualities.

Is that it?

Yeah, that's it, huh, Mick?

The answer to all your problems.

Things ain't goin' quite your way,

take a swing, lash out.

You screwed up.

Now give the man his money back and move on.

- That's what I was gonna do when you started all this.

- No, you were gonna give him the case of funny money.

- It's what he asked for.

- Well, how long do you think it's gonna take him

to realize this cash is crap, come back here, and kill us?

- Well done, brilliant.

See, he didn't know it was fake

until you just told him, genius.

- What, you don't think he's gonna find out?

This stuff, mate, this stuff wouldn't pass in a corner shop!

- So, what would you do, give him our money?

- Well, if it's a straight choice

between that and death, yes.

- That would clean us out.

- Mickey, he's holding a shotgun!

- We'd have nothing!

- Fine, fine.

If you wanna get killed, for what, 60, 70 grand, go ahead.

Do it, Mick.

For once in your life, do the right thing.

What happened to you?

What's in the drawer, Ash?

- Well, like you said, 60, 70, tops.

- Pay the man.

- I suggest you do what the young man says.

And make sure there's none of that funny money in there.

- I'm sorry, Mick.

- 50 grand profit in four days, not bad.

Like I told you, boys, I usually get what I want.

- Did ya feel it?

- Oh yes.

Amazing.

- Why'd you hit me so hard?

- I'm sorry.

- Taking your revenge?

- Yay!

- All right, come on, everyone, let's get out of here now!

- Here.

- Did you have a good day, dear?

- Conmen, my ass.

They thought they were dealing with a bloody idiot.

Some country boy from up north, still wet behind the ears.

They won't make that mistake again.

Take more than a bunch of Southern Jessies

to get the better of me, eh, Harry?

- You all right, boss?

- Right, just wait a second.

Right, hi, listen.

I'm going now, so I won't be pestering you anymore.

Okay, that's it.

So, I guess what I just really wanted to know is

why you wouldn't go out with me.

- 'Cause you're a lesbian.

Yes, yes.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Yes, bloody knew it.

- No. - Yeah.

Absolutely, yeah.

- Danny, you wanted to talk to me.

- When?

- Before Arthur came in you said

there was something you needed to tell me.

- Oh, that, yeah.

Oh, it's nothing.

- Sure?

- Positive.

- Only I thought you were gonna tell me

you were joining Scottish Ray's new crew.

- You knew about that?

- I know about everything.

- Are you two still squabbling?

- Time to go.

- Hey.

- Oh, we'll be gone for a while.

- We're gonna have a well-earned rest.

- But we know what you're thinking.

- Gap in the market.

- Think you might try your luck?

- Easy when you know how.

- But if you do...

- You gotta remember the first rule of the con.

- You can't cheat an honest man.

- Can't happen.

- Impossible.

- Find someone who wants something for nothing.

- Which shouldn't be hard.

- And then give 'em nothing for something.

- Thank you, Captain.

You know, I've been thinking, I'm not getting any younger.

Maybe I should retire.

Bow out gracefully.

- You're serious?

- Absolutely.

- Well, it'd be a crying shame, Albert.

- Oh, you'll find someone else.

- There's no one quite like you, Albert.

- Albert, it's your choice.

Whatever you decide.

- Thank you, Mick.

- So I said to this guy, "You're crazy.

"My old man leaves me $3 million

"and I'm gonna invest in molasses?"

No, I told him.

I said, "I don't know nothin' about you."

But you know what, I do know...

- Do you want me to hold your drink for you, Albie?