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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,925
BARBARA:
Good morning.
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,928
Oh, I'm starving.
3
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,846
What's for breakfast, bitch?
4
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,641
Ooh, you look rough in the morning.
5
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,602
- [gasps]
6
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,145
Ah.
7
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,563
[truck beeping outside]
8
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,981
[sighs]
9
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,944
[toilet flushes]
10
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,571
Babe, I had the weirdest dream.
11
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,615
DAN:
Huh?
12
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,700
- Yeah, I was, like...
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,543
[intriguing music playing]
14
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,763
DAN:
Hey, babe?
15
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,182
- Hmm?
- What you up to today?
16
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,600
- Nothing.
17
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,769
- Want to come to my ADR session?
18
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,232
[indistinct chatter]
19
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,484
[laughter]
20
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,154
DIRECTOR:
All right. That's a wrap.
21
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,990
I think we're all set here.
- MAN: Sounds good, Jason.
22
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,658
I'll get the stems uploaded
23
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,160
to the FTP and ship 'em off to Editorial.
24
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,371
SIMONE:
Rick and Morty is literally my religion.
25
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,290
I wanted to do a voice since season one,
26
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,292
and my agents were all like,
"Oh, but we got you
27
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,419
this part as this hot girl,
and she doesn't know it."
28
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,837
[scoffs]
Who needs that?
29
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,381
Oh, and I have to say, that apology
30
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,593
you gave about crossing romantic
boundaries in the workplace?
31
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,636
So beautiful.
- DAN: Thank you.
32
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,972
SIMONE:
Um, I actually talked about it
on my podcast.
33
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,184
I, uh, have a podcast
about, uh, Jungian archetypes
34
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,894
in the world of cosplay.
35
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,188
Oh, uh, could I grab a hot water
with some lemon?
36
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,898
You made me scream so loud
on that last take.
37
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,107
- Oh, no, this is my girlfriend Cody.
38
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,442
- [Simone gasps]
- Hi.
39
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,235
- Oh, my God. Hi!
- Hi. So nice to meet you.
40
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,237
- Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
- No, not at all. It's fine.
41
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,572
I can...
- Forget I said anything.
42
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,115
- Cody's a writer, too.
- Oh, wow!
43
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,909
- No, not like Dan.
- Oh, two legends at work?
44
00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,579
Is that what that is?
- No. No. Um, I can
get you the water, um...
45
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,581
- No, no, no. Please.
- I'm happy to do it.
- What are you doing?
46
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,416
- It's totally fine.
- I can get the...
- Tell her to stop. No.
47
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:09,213
[distant chatter]
48
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,552
[sniffles]
49
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:20,265
[whimsical music playing]
50
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:29,942
- Bean?
51
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,944
- Huh?
52
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:32,945
- You okay? What happened?
53
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,321
You've been gone for, like, ten minutes.
54
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,198
- Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll just
55
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,199
bring it to her right now.
56
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,325
- Oh, no, she left already.
57
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,118
- Oh.
58
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,079
- You bummed you couldn't valet her car?
- Shut up.
59
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,580
- I bet you she has some dry-cleaning
60
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,207
she'd like you to pick up.
- Don't.
61
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,168
Stop.
I was just trying to be nice.
62
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:49,545
- Are you okay?
63
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,923
- Yeah, um, you know, I think
64
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,925
I left my, um,
computer charger at your house.
65
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,760
Is it cool if I go grab it?
66
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,929
- Oh, yeah. I, um...
67
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,639
I have a spare key.
68
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,100
- Okay, cool. I'll just...
69
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,311
[suspenseful music playing]
70
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,531
[music intensifies]
71
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,666
♪
72
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:46,143
[laughs softly]
73
00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:48,478
- Psych!
74
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,480
- Oh, what the fuck?!
- [chuckles]
75
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,774
- Fuck, man! Shit!
76
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,151
- I knew you were gonna
come back here, being like,
77
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,694
"Was that a dream?
Was that drugs?"
78
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,154
I was like, "I'm gonna prank this bitch."
79
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,822
Did you see me? I was like...
80
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,033
- Stop. Stop!
That freaks me out!
81
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,701
[laughs, snorts]
82
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,913
- Oh, my God.
Your face is so stupid.
83
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,289
- You suck, dude.
- You suck.
84
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,874
- You suck.
- You suck.
85
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,667
You ready to do this?
86
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,503
- What?
87
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,838
- My pussy.
I've got, like, years' worth
88
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,381
of Dan's pole milk
congealed up in there.
89
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,133
- Okay. Okay.
90
00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:19,510
Okay.
91
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,928
This isn't real.
92
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,554
[whispering]:
You're not real.
93
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:23,555
- [whispering]:
I'm real.
94
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,474
- But...
95
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,434
the yeast infection
I could get is real,
96
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:31,063
so I'm just gonna... do this.
97
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,689
BARBARA:
Oh, I love baths!
98
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,733
I love how at first,
it feels like they're so hot,
99
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,109
and you're like, "I'm gonna fucking die.
100
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,736
It's like my skin's gonna crawl off."
101
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,280
And then it gets kind of cold
and it's just heaven.
102
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,661
[clicks tongue] Oh, it's 'cause
you saw my perfect body, huh?
103
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,371
- What?
104
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,040
- Why you're in such a bad mood.
105
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,042
- No. No.
106
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,794
- Is it because you're scared
Dan's gonna cheat on you
107
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,213
with the redheaded actress
from that nerdy podcast
108
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,257
who's like a way less hot version of me?
109
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:02,135
- No. Barbara, I'm in a bad mood,
110
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,513
because I'm having
a fucking nervous breakdown.
111
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,515
My boyfriend's sex doll is talking to me.
112
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,183
- Okay. I don't know if you're trying
113
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:10,143
to diminish my self-worth
by calling me a sex doll,
114
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,812
but I have news for you, babe.
115
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,356
We're all sex dolls
until we topple the patriarchy.
116
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,817
- Great. That's great.
You're a feminist sex doll.
117
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,569
- Yeah. I am. Yeah.
118
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,237
I've read The Feminine Mystique, so, yeah.
119
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,531
- No, see, no, you haven't.
120
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,116
You're just me.
121
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,826
You're not your own person.
122
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,244
And I haven't read The Feminine Mystique.
123
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,620
I just pretend that I've read it
124
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,205
when it comes up in conversation.
125
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,499
So you can't have read it.
- I have read it.
126
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,585
- Tell me one thing about it.
Tell me one thing.
127
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,003
- You know what, Cody?
I'm not gonna sit here
128
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,380
in a bath in my peaceful time for me
129
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,507
and justify myself
to a crazy person, okay?
[ringtone playing]
130
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,259
I mean, you've got a dark cloud energy.
131
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,636
Oh, my God, is it Dan?
- No, it's my agent.
132
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,430
- He's, like, a real estate agent?
133
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,265
- Hello.
- WOMAN: Hi, Cody.
134
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,934
I have Jason Levy for you.
- Who?
135
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,270
- Hey, Cody, I'm Jason.
I'm your new agent.
136
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,938
- Okay. What are you...?
137
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,481
- Yeah, I don't know if you heard or not,
138
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,983
but, uh, Bryan Chang got MeToo'd.
139
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,443
He's no longer with the company.
140
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,904
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
141
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,947
So I've taken over his roster,
the whole roster,
142
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,407
and, uh, it looks like you owe us
143
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,618
a new spec pilot for staffing season?
144
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,620
- Oh, yeah.
I'm... I'm... working on...
145
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,996
I'm kind of halfway through...
146
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,414
more than halfway through this thing.
147
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,249
It's, like, you know,
148
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,585
the-the tooth fairy,
but she's also a stripper.
149
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,670
You know, because both jobs, like...
150
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,297
'Cause dollar bills.
151
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,840
- You know, honestly, uh,
152
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,300
you're a female writer.
153
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,093
It doesn't have to be that good.
154
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,970
- Really?
- Oh, not at all.
155
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,889
- Not sure how to feel about that.
156
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,641
- Ah, feelings are good.
Put those in there.
157
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,434
We need more female voices.
158
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,144
- Okay.
- I can't wait to read it.
159
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,479
Oh, sorry. Bad connection. Bye.
160
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,773
[beeps]
161
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,818
- Oh, my God.
162
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,112
- Oh, my God.
Your agent was MeToo'd?
163
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,114
- Yeah. Shit.
164
00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,408
- Babe, I'm so sorry. That's crazy.
- Right?
165
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,577
- Oh, my God.
You want to talk about it?
166
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,955
You were probably, like, harassed, right?
167
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,414
- No. No.
168
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,583
- Wait. What?
I'm just confused,
169
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,336
'cause I thought you said
that he was MeToo'd.
170
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,672
Did he, like, whip his dick out
at you ever?
171
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,300
- No. I mean, thank God, no.
172
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,302
- So he didn't, like,
call you late at night
173
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:10,264
and say it was for work, but
really was just trying to bone?
174
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,850
- No, but I'm-I'm... I mean,
I'm sure that's 'cause he, like,
175
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,601
respected me too much
as a writer to do...
176
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,980
- [muffled laugh] I'm sorry.
I'm really not trying to laugh,
177
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,606
but, like, it's funny,
'cause, like, obviously,
178
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,734
he didn't respect you
as a writer or want to fuck you.
179
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,361
[snorts]
180
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,780
- Is your pussy clean yet?
Can we...? Come on.
181
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:28,740
- So, you're a comedy writer.
182
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,659
So cool.
183
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,703
It's just, you haven't made me laugh.
184
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,331
- Well, wasn't trying to.
- Well, I'm waiting.
185
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:38,333
[gasps]
Oh, Cody, I forgot to tell you.
186
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,127
I'm not just a regular sex doll.
187
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,795
I'm actually a special order.
188
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,297
- That's great, Barbara.
189
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,048
- I know. It's so sweet.
190
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,967
Dan designed me from top to bottom.
191
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,761
I'm, like, his ideal woman.
[laughs]
192
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,391
- I make Dan laugh.
193
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,393
- I'm sorry. What?
194
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,103
- I said, I make Dan laugh.
195
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,397
- You do? When?
I never hear him laughing.
196
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,191
- I hear you laughing.
- [Cody grunts]
197
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,067
- And I guess sometimes I hear, like,
198
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,903
- incidental laughter on his part?
- [Cody grunting]
199
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,155
- But then that... No, that was
always kind of connected back
200
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,823
to whatever his original joke was.
201
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,742
You know what, Cody?
Don't feel bad.
202
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,411
Like, I just do not expect you
to be as funny as Dan.
203
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,954
Like, he's Dan Harmon.
204
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,956
He's won Emmys and created two hit shows.
205
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,001
You know who else is super funny?
His ex-wife.
206
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,961
Back then, I used to live in the basement,
207
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:26,715
and I swear to God, she was so funny.
208
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,635
Like, I would be like,
"Guys, stop laughing so hard!
209
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,053
I can't sleep!"
210
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,347
They'd be, like, howling.
211
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:34,681
- Okay, great. Bye!
212
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,226
- Wait! Wait!
213
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,603
Babe? Oh, my God, you're stupid.
214
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,647
This isn't how I was positioned.
215
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,065
- So?
216
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,816
- So, Dan's gonna know you snooped,
217
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,318
and then he's gonna think
you're a crazy bitch,
218
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,903
and then he's gonna break up with you.
219
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,073
- Okay. Fine. How were you?
220
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,699
- My right arm was higher.
221
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,117
Because I had
just finished running my hands
222
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,370
through my beautiful hair.
No, higher.
223
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,247
- [grunts]
Why are you so hard to move?
224
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290
- Pull harder.
Why are you so weak?
225
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,125
Harder!
- I'm trying. God.
226
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,460
- Oh, we get...
[screaming]
227
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,004
- [both screaming]
- Fuck, shit!
228
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,548
- It hurts!
229
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,091
CODY:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
230
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,926
BARBARA:
Is my arm there? Is it there?
16663
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