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1
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["Bad Girls"
by Donna Summer playing]
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♪
3
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:26,151
♪ Toot, toot, hey, beep, beep ♪
4
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:31,156
♪ Toot, toot, hey, beep, beep ♪
5
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,826
♪ Toot, toot,
hey, beep, beep... ♪
6
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:37,412
Hey, babe, are these expired?
7
00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,164
♪ Beep, beep ♪
8
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,625
♪ Bad girls ♪
9
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,085
♪ Talkin' 'bout... ♪
10
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,170
Still got it, you fucking slut.
11
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,967
♪ Sad girls... ♪
12
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:54,096
Okay, so, what if I'm, like,
a flight attendant,
13
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,890
and we're on this long-haul
international flight,
14
00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,976
and you're, like...
you're, like, this, like,
15
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,478
handsy, entitled first-class passenger?
16
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,230
- Oh, yeah. So, wait.
17
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,816
So, I'm grabbing you, like,
in front of everyone, or...?
18
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,944
- Um... No. Okay, good point.
Maybe it's like, you know, uh...
19
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,280
Like, "Sir, you can't be
back here in the cockpit.
20
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:12,656
"Or the vestibule thing
21
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,116
"where the flight attendants hang out.
22
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,617
Whatever that's called."
- So it's kind of like,
23
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,910
"Uh, excuse me, miss.
24
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,371
I'm gonna need you to warm up these nuts."
25
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,456
- [exhales] Oh, I hated that.
- Ooh.
26
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,292
- I'm never gonna fuck you again.
27
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,252
How do you have two Emmys for writing?
28
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,503
- What are you talking about?
We both know
29
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,172
you wouldn't date me
if I didn't have those Emmys.
30
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,465
- That is not true.
That's so mean.
31
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,967
I am not dating you for Emmys.
32
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,178
I am dating you because...
33
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,848
you have a really nice house
and I really hate my apartment.
34
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,934
["Next to You"
by Sam Evian playing]
35
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,441
♪ I can feel your shadow ♪
36
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,235
♪ I just wanna be next to you... ♪
37
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,737
What is this, like...
38
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,655
sequin glitter thing?
- Uh... it's probably
39
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,324
from one of your, uh...
- Where'd this even come from?
40
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,327
I don't fuck with glitter, man.
What? Like...
41
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,204
Oh, did you go to a strip club
or something?
42
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,914
- What? No!
- No, I-I...
43
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,123
We've been to strip clubs.
I have no problem
44
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,333
with strip clubs.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
45
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,751
No, I haven't been to a strip club.
46
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,336
I haven't been to any...
- Okay.
47
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,837
Then are you cheating on me?
48
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,006
- No. Oh, my God. I'm not cheating on you.
- [laughs]
49
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,966
Okay, well, this is weird.
Where did this...?
- I have a sex doll.
50
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,678
- You what?
51
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,972
- I have a sex doll.
52
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:23,143
That I barely ever even...
53
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,604
use, and, uh...
- Oh.
54
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,814
- There's this one dress with sparkles.
55
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,191
- Yeah, okay.
56
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,068
- That probably one fell off, maybe.
57
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,194
- Yeah.
- And, um...
58
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,654
- No, that's totally fine. Um...
59
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,072
- Well, it-it...
60
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,199
it doesn't seem like it's fine with you.
61
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:40,118
- No. No. I'm just, uh...
I'm-I'm just processing.
62
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,120
- I didn't tell you about it,
I didn't think
63
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,039
to tell you about it
'cause it's... it's no big deal.
64
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,541
I mean, it's like porn or something.
- Yeah.
65
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,042
No. [chuckles]
- It's a Fleshlight with boobs
66
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,585
that I got off of a Japanese website.
67
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,629
- Ooh. She's from Japan.
68
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Very international woman.
69
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,298
- [exhales]
- Is her name Kimiko?
70
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,092
- Oh, my God.
- Is she hotter than me?
71
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,176
Like, be honest. Like, if she's hot...
- Cody. Cody.
72
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,219
- If Kimiko's hotter than me...
73
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,012
- Now you're mocking me.
- [chuckles]
74
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,390
Sorry. I'm not trying to kink-shame you.
I'm sorry
75
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,933
if that's what it felt like.
- No, no, no.
76
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,434
- I have a million fetishes.
77
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,187
I love this part of our relationship.
78
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,940
I love that we do
all this weird shit together.
79
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,108
[laughs]
Really.
80
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,402
I love that.
81
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,654
Can I just see her?
82
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,906
- No.
- Why not?
83
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,742
- It's my private gross thing.
84
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,161
Like the shit you took this morning.
85
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,747
And I know you took a shit this
morning because we have honesty.
86
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,791
I don't know what color it was...
87
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,793
because of privacy.
88
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,128
- Okay.
89
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,796
I mean, obviously, brown.
90
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,798
- You...
91
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,759
- I hear you.
This is a boundary.
92
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,721
It's all good. We're all good.
93
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,723
[exhales]
We're good.
94
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,142
♪ Guns are pointed at everyone ♪
95
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,145
♪ But together we're better off... ♪
96
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,147
- You still want to, uh...?
97
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,149
- Um...
98
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,484
I don't know, I'm kind of tired.
99
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,530
- Tired enough for...
100
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:01,909
sexy autopsy?
101
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,911
- Yeah, okay.
102
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,371
So, am I, like, a pretty corpse,
or am I, like, all fucked-up?
103
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,789
- You're fucked-up.
- Okay.
104
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,875
- [snoring]
105
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,003
- Baby.
106
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,088
Dan.
107
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,800
Dan? You're snoring.
108
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,802
Can you roll on your side, please?
109
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,888
- [snoring continues]
110
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:26,308
- [exhales]
111
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,313
[groans]
112
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,398
[urinating]
113
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,526
[farts]
114
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,158
[toilet flushes]
115
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:47,287
[intriguing music playing]
116
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,235
[music stops]
117
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,320
WOMAN [whispers]:
Hey!
118
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,580
- Hello?
119
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,914
WOMAN:
Psst!
120
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,500
I'm in here.
121
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,918
I can hear you.
122
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,920
I know you're out there.
123
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,590
You breathe, like, really heavy.
124
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,930
Hey!
125
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,017
Sup?
126
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,019
[intriguing music playing]
127
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,021
- Um...
128
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,190
Kimiko?
129
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,608
- Who's Kimiko?
130
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,027
- Holy shit. Oh, um...
131
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,030
Well, I mean, I...
132
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,283
I, like, jokingly named you Kimi... Kimiko
133
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,826
'cause you were made in Japan.
134
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,536
- Oh, my God.
135
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,914
That's, like, really fucking racist.
136
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,041
- Oh, n... I mean...
137
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,418
Like, I only said it
in front of Dan, so...
138
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,587
- Okay. Well,
that doesn't make it any better.
139
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,047
Uh, anyway, hi.
140
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,757
[laughs]
Hello. I'm Barbara.
141
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,175
Barbara Himmelbaum-Harmon.
142
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,343
- Barbara. Okay.
143
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,261
Barbara, sorry. I'm so sorry.
144
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:27,638
- It's okay. It's fine.
145
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,264
It's fine, girl.
146
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,434
Actually, you know what?
147
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,561
There is something you could do
that would really help me out.
148
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:36,355
Just so that you can make it up
to me because you're racist
149
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:37,523
and that was really offensive.
150
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:40,317
So, I have, like, a ton of Dan's splooge
151
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,485
dried up inside of me.
- What?
152
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,611
- Yeah.
[laughs]
153
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,531
It's so cute.
Dan comes inside of me
154
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:46,865
a lot, and then, like, I think
155
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,200
he gets so caught up in the passion
156
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,868
that he actually forgets to wash me.
157
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,120
Like, he'll wipe the outside
of me with a T-shirt sometimes,
158
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,830
- but he doesn't even always do that.
- What? Oh, my God.
159
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,458
- Look. Girl, look how crusty it is.
160
00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:01,964
- Fuck, gross!
- I know, right?
161
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,299
You would do me, like,
a huge favor if you'd wash me.
162
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,343
- No! No. Dude, absolutely not.
163
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,095
I... I can't move you.
164
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,347
He can't even know that I saw you.
Like, fuck.
165
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,182
Our whole, like,
mission statement as a couple
166
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,767
is, like, honesty and no lies,
167
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:16,103
and I've totally invaded
his privacy already. Fuck!
168
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,105
- Right. Like, I hear you,
but do you really want him
169
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,731
to fuck you with his dick
after it's been inside
170
00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:20,983
this crusty pussy?
171
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,236
- Oh, Jesus Christ, Barbara!
I don't know.
172
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,989
Like, he takes showers or whatever.
173
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,533
- Yeah, but you can't shower an infection
out of the dickhole, dumbass.
174
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,159
This has happened to friends of mine.
175
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,661
He's gonna get a disease from fucking
176
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,496
his own dried-up jizz flakes.
- Oh, my God.
177
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:37,124
- And then he's gonna pass that disease on
to your vibrant, living pussy.
178
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,500
You're gonna have to go to your doctor.
179
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,878
You're gonna have to explain
what happened.
180
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,754
- Okay. Barbara?
- Yeah.
181
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,298
- Barbara?
Here's what's happening.
182
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,301
I'm a little fucked-up right now
'cause I took, like, expired...
183
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:50,679
um, these homeopathic,
like, melatonin gummies,
184
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,181
and I've h... I've smoked a lot of weed.
185
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,349
But clearly I'm having, like,
a hallucinatory episode
186
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,602
where you came to life
and, like, beckoned me in here
187
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,270
'cause I just needed to see you,
188
00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,563
and I didn't want to take responsibility
189
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,064
for snooping, you know?
190
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,483
So here we are, and, like,
you're super fucking hot.
191
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,985
- Thank you. I know.
- I feel
192
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,153
really insecure about it,
193
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,571
and there's nothing we can do
about that now.
194
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,114
- No, no, no, no, no, there are things!
195
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,199
There is! Babe.
196
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,159
Babe, there's Botox.
There's Juvéderm.
197
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,120
You would benefit so much
198
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,622
from a forehead enlargement.
199
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,415
I don't know if it's a thing.
200
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,833
- Okay, Barbara?
201
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:22,127
- I'm gonna go ahead
and say your forehead's stocky.
202
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,795
- I'm gonna go back to bed right now,
203
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,798
and when I wake up,
you're gonna be inanimate again,
204
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:28,675
and I'm gonna buy a new bottle
of melatonin,
205
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,302
and we never have to do this again.
206
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,678
It was so nice meeting you.
207
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,430
- No, no, no, no.
Cody, please, please, please.
208
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,932
Cody, let's just talk about this, girl.
209
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,350
I like you so much.
210
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,186
Cody, you're being
such a dumb cunt right now!
15180
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