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1
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Is he okay?
2
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,629
- Oh, he's fine.
3
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:05,214
When Gal Gadot was training with me,
4
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:06,924
she was on fire for 12 minutes.
5
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,759
She put herself out with a blanket.
6
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He barely lasted 12 seconds.
7
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,180
- This is funny to you?
- Hey.
8
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:16,850
A leading man must learn
not to sweat the small stuff.
9
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,685
- What are you talking about,
the small stuff?
10
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,062
I was on fucking fire,
11
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,064
Coach Ron!
- Hey! Knock it off.
12
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,899
There's a lady present,
and I want you to meet her.
13
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,193
Agent Hart, this is Agent Jordan King.
14
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She'll be your bunkmate.
15
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:30,322
- It is a pleasure to meet you.
My pleasure.
16
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,573
Okay, you want to explain
to me why she gets
17
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:32,824
this nice introduction?
18
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:34,576
Why isn't she getting hit
in the head with a bat?
19
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:35,744
When you gonna bop her?
20
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,204
- Excuse me?
- Okay, you know...
21
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,706
Just, when he does this kind of thing,
22
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,959
I just zone him out,
when he starts to whine.
23
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,753
Come on, I'll give you a tour.
- Okay.
24
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,214
- Now, this used to be
a slaughterhouse years ago,
25
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,590
up till the '70s.
26
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This brings me to rule number two:
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there will be no sexual intercourse
on the premises.
28
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:02,980
- Uh, yeah, um, that won't be a problem.
29
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,401
- I didn't think it would be.
30
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- I know you have to say it.
31
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,321
It-it's fine, we're good.
32
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- All right.
So, hey, take a beat.
33
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,325
Okay? Relax,
and we'll see you out in 20
34
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on the training ground, okay?
35
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:18,996
- Thanks, Ron. You're the best.
36
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,832
- Hey. It's a pleasure.
37
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- Dude is a fucking sociopath.
38
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- How do you mean?
39
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- How do I mean?
40
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Do you really want to know how I mean?
41
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,053
'Cause I was here a couple days ago
when shit hit the fan.
42
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There was a guy in here accusing him
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of murdering some dude named Rodrigo.
44
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- Rodrigo?
- Yes, Rodrigo.
45
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Saw the whole thing.
And, when I first walked in this bitch,
46
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,646
they hit me in the head with a bat.
47
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Not no plastic bat.
With a fucking metal bat.
48
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And today, today,
he let me catch myself on fire.
49
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- "Let me catch myself on fire."
50
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- I don't know why you got
to sound it out. Yes.
51
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Let me catch--
52
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No, I see right there, that,
'cause if you slow it down...
53
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You slow it down, it don't sound right,
54
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but you get what I'm saying.
55
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It happened.
It fucking happened.
56
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Look, I'm sorry, all right?
It's just,
57
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I don't have my phone, it's weird in here.
58
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,505
Stuff is just starting to fuck with me.
59
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,090
Maybe, maybe I'm going
a little stir-crazy.
60
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:13,300
I don't know.
61
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,136
Mmm-- That's shit.
62
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,721
It's shit water.
63
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Yep. Goddamn it.
64
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:24,520
- Well, you're not alone
anymore. So...
65
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,939
- Yeah, well, maybe, but...
66
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Hey, do I know you?
67
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- Uh...
68
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- I do!
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Fuck! You're the girl from that sitcom,
with the robot.
70
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The robot that was a butler, right?
71
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You used to argue with the butler.
72
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"Uh-uh, get the fuck out of here, bu..."
73
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You'd do the thing.
"Butler bitch."
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Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
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That's me.
- Wow.
76
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- Well, was. I just quit.
77
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Kathryn Bigelow offered me the lead
78
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in her next movie, which is huge...
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- Get out.
- ...since there are, like,
80
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,472
what, three total action roles for women?
81
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:04,226
- Well, it's a lot more
than that, but congrats.
82
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,354
Are you-- I mean, want me to name 'em?
83
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,523
Let me go down the list.
84
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,942
You got Wonder Woman, right?
You have the Black Widow.
85
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You got, um... What's the one,
with the woman?
86
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With the, uh...
87
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She's, uh...
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The-- What's... That's three.
89
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:25,289
- Anyway, um, it's all riding
on this action school.
90
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,499
Just got to prove to Ron
that I've got the chops,
91
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,126
that I'm fit enough.
92
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,296
- You ain't got to prove that
to nobody. You are fit.
93
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When you walked in that door,
I said, "Goddamn."
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Not like that.
95
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I'm not saying it like that.
96
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,638
I don't mean it that way.
97
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- I'm just here to train,
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not make friends.
- Yeah.
99
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,018
- So, just to be clear.
100
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:49,354
- We're-we're here for the same thing,
right? Fuck friendship.
101
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- Good.
- Yeah.
102
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,650
- Mind if I use the bathroom?
103
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- Do what you got to do.
Bathroom right there.
104
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,862
- Yeah.
105
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I'm gonna need you to just...
106
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:02,993
- Oh. You got to shit.
107
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,706
- Now, in this lesson,
108
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:12,002
we're going to focus and explore
the action star's motivations.
109
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Agent King.
What is your motivation?
110
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- After working undercover in Paris,
111
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I go down to the basement of the Louvre,
112
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,220
where I thwart the theft
of an ancient Egyptian artifact,
113
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,722
when I'm accosted by a rogue agent.
114
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,140
- Good. Agent Hart?
115
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:27,267
- "Accost"?
That's a little strong, isn't it?
116
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- What the fuck?
117
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:31,146
Focus. Focus.
118
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And...?
119
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,984
- Okay, all right.
I'm-I'm an agent.
120
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,237
- Yes.
- I'm an agent, and,
121
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,906
um, basically, I got to, I got to go get
122
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Agent King-- I got to seduce,
123
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,827
I got to seduce Agent King
in the basement of the Louvre.
124
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,997
And wh-- Just a question,
is this, like, some James Bond
125
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fan fiction or something? What...?
- And action.
126
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,217
Agent King?
127
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,803
- Who wants to know?
128
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,346
- Agent Hart.
129
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,391
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
130
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,226
Not so fast.
131
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,937
Look, you're in great danger.
132
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,274
And the only cure for it is
to come with me to my bedroom.
133
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,573
- Seduce her, goddamn it!
134
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,325
Seduce her!
135
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,785
Lure her into the car!
136
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,129
- Get in my car.
137
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,422
Get in my car?
138
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,549
Fucking creep.
139
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,135
- What'd you call...?
140
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,978
What the fuck was that?
- Beautiful, beautiful.
141
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,646
Keep going, keep going.
142
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,732
- What the fuck you mean, "keep going"?
143
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,401
What the fuck, man?
- You have a problem, Agent Hart?
144
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,195
- Yeah, I got a problem, motherfucker.
- What is it?
145
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,238
- She's Bruce Lee
and I'm some weird creeper.
146
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,074
- Oh, it's too challenging for you
to seduce her. Is that it?
147
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:09,536
- Uh, yes, it is,
when you got me looking...
148
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,958
I see what you're doing.
149
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,585
You're trying to get me all riled up.
150
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,128
It's not gonna work.
151
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,838
I'm not falling for your little trap,
152
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,507
and I'm not going back over here to fight
153
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,134
this fucking jiujitsu master
with sexy talk.
154
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,512
- Oh. You want a change of motivation.
155
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,972
- Yeah, I do.
- Okay. This is your new motivation.
156
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,808
She's a Russian mole
pretending to be an FBI agent.
157
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,269
You eliminate her with this.
158
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730
It's a prop knife, right?
159
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,857
- Retractable.
160
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,777
Now go in there and show her who's boss.
161
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,196
- Now we're fucking talking.
162
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,032
You say she a Russian mole, right?
163
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,244
Okay. I don't like that.
164
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:53,413
Down goes the mole. Huh?
165
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,543
Shit. Goddamn it.
166
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,711
Hey. I'm about to stab you in a sec, okay?
167
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,004
Wait a minute.
168
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,882
It's a prop knife.
Knock it off-- No.
169
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,426
Ow! What the...
Oh, oh, you got to sell it,
170
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:07,553
make it look real.
171
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,305
Fuck! Ow!
172
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,519
- What the fuck?!
173
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,937
- Real blood.
174
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,357
- Oh, my God.
- What have you done to her?
175
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,818
What have you done to her?
176
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,236
- I'm so sorry. I thought,
177
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,696
I thought you said it was a retractable.
178
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,239
- Oh, God.
- I said it was "practical."
179
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,575
It's a practical knife!
It's a real knife!
180
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,660
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God, she's passing out.
181
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,704
- Oh, shit.
- I'm gonna have to stitch her up.
182
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,122
- I've got a medical kit in my office.
183
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,582
- All right, I'll go grab it.
- No.
184
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,000
-Ow, ow, ow.
-Go to your room!
185
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,168
You're grounded!
186
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:40,377
- No. What are you talking about?
I'll go grab it.
187
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,337
- No!
188
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:45,174
My office is off-limits to students.
189
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:54,641
I said my office is off-limits.
190
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,519
If you disobey me again,
191
00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,521
the next time I throw that knife,
192
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,064
it'll be through your fucking skull.
13869
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