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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,738 --> 00:00:12,506 Uh, the TA was asking about you in the chem section. 2 00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:14,599 I said you were feeling a bit under the weather. 3 00:00:14,624 --> 00:00:16,922 So I got you some, um... 4 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:18,513 O... What... 5 00:00:18,538 --> 00:00:20,116 Os-Oscillio... 6 00:00:20,141 --> 00:00:22,342 Osclio... 7 00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,727 Oc-Occlio. 8 00:00:25,473 --> 00:00:27,357 Oak-Oaknium. 9 00:00:27,382 --> 00:00:29,479 Oc-Occlioscosnium. 10 00:00:29,504 --> 00:00:31,205 Osio... 11 00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,031 Oscli... uh, Occlioco... 12 00:00:33,056 --> 00:00:34,773 Oscillococcinum, that's... 13 00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:37,197 that's the correct pronunciation, there. 14 00:00:37,222 --> 00:00:38,387 So... 15 00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:40,186 take one of those. 16 00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:45,584 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:45,609 --> 00:00:46,584 Siri, 18 00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:48,160 call 911. 19 00:00:48,184 --> 00:00:49,507 I'm not sure I got that. Can you... 20 00:00:49,531 --> 00:00:50,731 Siri... 21 00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:52,205 She was fine last night. 22 00:00:52,230 --> 00:00:53,225 And then, this morning, 23 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,285 she asked me to go get her some NyQuil. 24 00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:57,221 And I said, "NyQuil? Don't you mean DayQuil?" 25 00:00:57,246 --> 00:00:59,151 Because then you're gonna fall asleep." 26 00:00:59,176 --> 00:01:01,278 She said, "I want to sleep all day." And then... 27 00:01:01,303 --> 00:01:03,850 and then I ended up getting some oles-olescoleum. 28 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:06,383 - Clecleum? - Do you have a dorm advisor 29 00:01:06,408 --> 00:01:07,679 or someone who can... 30 00:01:07,704 --> 00:01:08,916 What the fuck?! 31 00:01:08,941 --> 00:01:10,163 I thought you said she was dead! 32 00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:12,344 Her vitals were at zero, I checked them three times. 33 00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:14,204 Oh, my... I-I'm sorry. 34 00:01:14,229 --> 00:01:16,053 I'm so sorry, um... 35 00:01:16,078 --> 00:01:19,060 you should bill me because I'm still on my parents' insurance. 36 00:01:19,085 --> 00:01:21,854 - Uh, ma'am, you were dead. - I'm fine now, so... 37 00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:23,380 I'm fine. 38 00:01:23,405 --> 00:01:24,365 I still think you should come 39 00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:26,975 - to the hospital, ma'am. - Oh, no, no. 40 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,277 I'm fine. 41 00:01:28,302 --> 00:01:29,671 Ma'am, you are not fine. 42 00:01:58,896 --> 00:02:05,075 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 43 00:02:06,224 --> 00:02:07,951 Was I disappointed 44 00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,915 I wasn't turned into a vampire? 45 00:02:10,612 --> 00:02:12,481 Yes. 46 00:02:12,538 --> 00:02:13,706 Heartbroken. 47 00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:16,329 But I think it's because... 48 00:02:16,442 --> 00:02:18,378 I need to learn patience. 49 00:02:18,878 --> 00:02:20,001 And my master's 50 00:02:20,026 --> 00:02:21,618 been really good to me lately. 51 00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:24,227 How is it looking, Guillermo? 52 00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:27,100 It looks like I'm flying, Master. 53 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,934 Woo-hoo. 54 00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:30,264 Woo-hoo! 55 00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:32,258 I'm a vampire! 56 00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:33,617 You are not, though. 57 00:02:33,642 --> 00:02:35,513 We have total dominion 58 00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:37,281 from here... to here. 59 00:02:38,382 --> 00:02:40,389 So that's two streets. 60 00:02:40,414 --> 00:02:42,856 Our street and Ashley's street. 61 00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:45,458 Yes. I lied a bit. 62 00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,041 Actually, it's from there to there. 63 00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:51,035 So we have dominion over five houses? 64 00:02:53,301 --> 00:02:55,740 We need to reach out to some other vampires. 65 00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:57,349 Consider joining dominions to secure 66 00:02:57,374 --> 00:02:59,590 our stranglehold over the region. 67 00:02:59,732 --> 00:03:02,297 - Yes. - Yes. 68 00:03:02,322 --> 00:03:03,973 Simon the Devious 69 00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:06,313 is a vampire we have known for centuries. 70 00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:08,170 Our coffins were all together on the ship 71 00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:09,964 that brought us over to America. 72 00:03:10,031 --> 00:03:12,269 We used to hide down in the hole, 73 00:03:12,294 --> 00:03:14,157 then whisper jokes to each other. 74 00:03:14,182 --> 00:03:16,802 Crawl around, tickle each other, have a lovely time. 75 00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:18,982 And then we would climb up to the top deck 76 00:03:19,007 --> 00:03:22,530 and just breathe in the sea air and seduce and kill sailors. 77 00:03:22,555 --> 00:03:23,887 We went to Staten Island, 78 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,267 he went to Mana-hatta. 79 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,738 And he very quickly became 80 00:03:26,763 --> 00:03:28,442 the king of the Manhattan vampires. 81 00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:30,503 And he was only 107, which... 82 00:03:30,528 --> 00:03:33,268 You know, real boy wonder. Very clever. 83 00:03:33,293 --> 00:03:34,739 He's not that clever. 84 00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:36,343 Okay, who's cleverer, then? 85 00:03:36,368 --> 00:03:38,135 Stavros the Clever. 86 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,630 He died tripping on his cape 87 00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:42,258 at a wooden stake sale at the garden center. 88 00:03:42,283 --> 00:03:45,913 Simon's HQ is this fantastic nightclub 89 00:03:45,938 --> 00:03:47,762 called the Sassy Cat Club in Mana-hatta. 90 00:03:47,787 --> 00:03:49,655 We used to go all the time in the '20s. 91 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,182 And we would do the Charleston 92 00:03:52,207 --> 00:03:54,910 and the Peabody, and we'd drink some very nice blood 93 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,470 from some very nice goblets. 94 00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:57,862 You have to wear a cape in there. 95 00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,834 Yes. Everyone is in a cape. 96 00:03:59,859 --> 00:04:01,328 And if you don't wear a cape, 97 00:04:01,526 --> 00:04:03,400 you'll look like a Fuck Me Knee-trembler. 98 00:04:03,425 --> 00:04:04,727 Laszlo! 99 00:04:04,752 --> 00:04:05,630 He's right, though. 100 00:04:05,655 --> 00:04:08,063 If you don't, you'd look like a right little tart. 101 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,884 How's this for the city? 102 00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,975 Oh, yes. 103 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,803 You look like a beautiful piece of wallpaper. 104 00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:17,095 It needs a cape. 105 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,620 Hmm? Really? 106 00:04:18,645 --> 00:04:20,452 Yeah. The bigger the better. 107 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,166 Run. 108 00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:24,626 We're going into the city tonight. 109 00:04:24,651 --> 00:04:27,260 We're going to party and dance 110 00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:30,805 and form a power alliance with the Manhattan vampires 111 00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:33,567 so that we can crush the humans. 112 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,617 No offense. 113 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,971 I found it. 114 00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:40,564 Thoughts? 115 00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:41,980 Looks like it's alive. 116 00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,043 Good eye. 117 00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:45,003 It's 100% witch skin. 118 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,389 Simon was always very jealous of this hat. 119 00:04:47,414 --> 00:04:49,649 I can't wait to see his face when I walk in. 120 00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:51,448 Please don't wear that hat. 121 00:04:51,473 --> 00:04:53,004 - Too stylish? - No. 122 00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:54,525 It's a big, bloody stupid hat with 123 00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,079 a big, bloody stupid curse on it. 124 00:04:56,104 --> 00:04:57,037 And every time you wear it, 125 00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,292 something bloody stupid terrible happens. 126 00:04:59,317 --> 00:05:02,592 - Nonsense. Gizmo likes it, don't you? - It's Guillermo. 127 00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:04,374 Laszlo's stupid hat. 128 00:05:04,399 --> 00:05:06,351 It's got a bloody huge curse on it. 129 00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,581 I have tried to throw it out many times, 130 00:05:08,606 --> 00:05:10,872 but it keeps crawling back. Literally. 131 00:05:10,897 --> 00:05:12,498 I acquired this hat 132 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:15,956 while draining the blood of a Bavarian Hexenbrenner, 133 00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,358 or witch burner. 134 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,485 He must've noticed me eyeing it, 135 00:05:19,648 --> 00:05:21,016 'cause in his dying breath, 136 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:23,685 he said, "Take my hat, it's." 137 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,922 Cuh..." 138 00:05:25,947 --> 00:05:27,960 "Yes, it is cool," I thought. 139 00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:29,432 Free hat. 140 00:05:29,457 --> 00:05:30,702 Even better. 141 00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:32,378 Think of all the things that have happened. 142 00:05:32,402 --> 00:05:34,633 The potato famine, that time that that horse 143 00:05:34,658 --> 00:05:36,609 knocked you over and trampled over you. 144 00:05:36,634 --> 00:05:39,322 - No, it didn't. - Then it started making love to you? 145 00:05:39,347 --> 00:05:40,967 I don't consider that a curse. 146 00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:43,208 - It's growing human hair. - Exactly. 147 00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:46,400 My new familiar, he likes it. Don't you, Dustin? 148 00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:48,880 - It's Justin. - Yes, have a touch. 149 00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:54,131 That was our new familiar. 150 00:05:54,617 --> 00:05:56,000 Adieu. 151 00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,285 It's that bloody cursed hat, Laszlo! 152 00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,313 It's got nothing to do with the hat. It's the bookshelf. 153 00:06:00,337 --> 00:06:02,406 Which I charged you to fix. 154 00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:09,904 This hat is not cursed. 155 00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:11,284 Oh, hey. 156 00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:14,854 Uh, I-I overheard that you might be going to Manhattan. 157 00:06:14,879 --> 00:06:17,723 I-I'd love to tag along. 158 00:06:21,851 --> 00:06:23,419 Ooh. 159 00:06:23,444 --> 00:06:26,204 Look at the skyline, Guillermo. 160 00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:27,764 Yes, Master. 161 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,886 Steady, Guillermo. 162 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,805 It's a bit shaky. 163 00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:34,371 I don't want water on my cape. 164 00:06:34,396 --> 00:06:36,313 I'll have a soggy cape. 165 00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,545 Why are we stuck in bloody traffic, Laszlo? 166 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:39,907 - I don't know. - Cursed hat. 167 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,768 That man on the sidewalk looks a bit sad. Curse. 168 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:45,262 Why does this car smell bad? It's the curse. 169 00:06:45,287 --> 00:06:46,697 Look, you can say that all night. 170 00:06:46,722 --> 00:06:48,318 I'm gonna be wearing this hat. 171 00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:51,314 I am a bit nervous about seeing Simon. 172 00:06:51,339 --> 00:06:53,476 In the old days, it would not have been my style 173 00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:54,935 to make an alliance. 174 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,696 I would have slaughtered my neighbors in battle. 175 00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:01,313 But then you wake up and you think, 176 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,112 "I've got no neighbors." 177 00:07:05,323 --> 00:07:07,843 What if I want to borrow something? 178 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,784 I'm ready to make a change. 179 00:07:10,809 --> 00:07:12,721 My old boar. 180 00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:14,414 Barry. 181 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,646 He's always smiling. 182 00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:18,527 Ready to make 183 00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:20,093 a friend. 184 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,120 I'll do the talking. 185 00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:26,170 I invite you in. 186 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,491 Oh, it's so dingy. 187 00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:33,287 Everyone looks like Billy Idol. 188 00:07:33,312 --> 00:07:35,076 It's a sexy Marmaduke. 189 00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:36,379 This is lively. 190 00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:39,449 We are the only ones wearing capes. 191 00:07:39,474 --> 00:07:41,369 Shall we look for Simon the Devious? 192 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,822 Let's mingle until the others get here. 193 00:07:44,847 --> 00:07:46,095 Mingling... 194 00:07:46,619 --> 00:07:47,914 mingling. 195 00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:49,619 Mingling with you. 196 00:07:49,644 --> 00:07:50,120 Hi. 197 00:07:50,145 --> 00:07:52,582 I-I'm gonna go look for the bathroom. 198 00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:53,690 Oh, Guillermo. 199 00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:56,842 Be careful you don't get... pfft. 200 00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:00,245 Why don't you go and mingle? 201 00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:01,574 Oh, I don't think so. 202 00:08:01,599 --> 00:08:04,088 Uh, my stomach's feeling a little iffy. 203 00:08:04,113 --> 00:08:05,294 Gas. 204 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,673 So, I think I'll just stick with you tonight. 205 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,236 Okay. 206 00:08:10,525 --> 00:08:13,050 - Laszlo, what is taking so long? - I say, cabbie. 207 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,230 I've got my cape caught in the door. 208 00:08:15,255 --> 00:08:17,257 - Well, yank it out. - What the hell 209 00:08:17,282 --> 00:08:19,081 do you think I've been doing? 210 00:08:19,106 --> 00:08:21,994 Fuck...! 211 00:08:22,427 --> 00:08:24,265 You're fucking kidding. 212 00:08:26,034 --> 00:08:27,427 You stay there. 213 00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:28,721 I'll come to you. 214 00:08:28,746 --> 00:08:31,109 - Oh, for fuck's sake! - Oh, that bloody hat. 215 00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,455 Whoa! Fuck me. 216 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,618 Fu... 217 00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:45,785 You haven't tried that? 218 00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,716 It's like, one, then two, then three. 219 00:08:47,741 --> 00:08:49,370 And then you get where we are now. 220 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,501 But it's... 221 00:08:51,526 --> 00:08:53,142 Yeah. 222 00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,963 - Hey. - Hey. 223 00:08:57,314 --> 00:08:58,812 Colby. 224 00:08:58,852 --> 00:09:01,362 Familiar of Xanthos the Cruel and Radenka the Brutal. 225 00:09:01,387 --> 00:09:03,960 - Ah. - This is the familiar room. 226 00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,286 Yep. 227 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:08,064 Amalta, Mischa, Jameson. 228 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,546 - Sam. - O-Oh, Sam is a... 229 00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,254 Sam's a familiar. 230 00:09:12,658 --> 00:09:15,040 Sam's a cat. Guillermo, hi. 231 00:09:15,065 --> 00:09:17,419 Nandor the Relentless, so, nice to meet you. 232 00:09:17,444 --> 00:09:19,460 Wait, Nandor the Relentless of the Upper West Side? 233 00:09:19,485 --> 00:09:21,088 No, that's, uh, Nancy the Relentless. 234 00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:23,228 People think... W-We're Staten Island. 235 00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:25,112 Cool. 236 00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:27,835 So you know, we have our street 237 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,395 and also Ashley's street. 238 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:32,093 You know, we've just, uh, been busy over in Staten Island. 239 00:09:32,118 --> 00:09:34,283 - We're going to form an alliance. - So tell me. 240 00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:37,402 Are you currently adjoined to any other vampires? 241 00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:39,853 Uh, n-no. No, I... 242 00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,171 - Let's just go up to the roof and... - Hey, hey. 243 00:09:41,195 --> 00:09:42,728 Do either of you two know 244 00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:45,401 what this building used to be? 245 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,717 This building used to be owned 246 00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,925 by Hescher-Schmitz Farrier. 247 00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,776 A farrier deals with equine foot care. 248 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,846 Kind of a Nike for horses. 249 00:09:54,871 --> 00:09:57,168 Yes, everyone knows that. Listen, Colin. 250 00:09:57,193 --> 00:09:59,049 Why must you come here and interrupt me 251 00:09:59,074 --> 00:10:02,299 - when I am talking to... - Who are you talking to, Nandor? 252 00:10:02,324 --> 00:10:03,947 It... 253 00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:09,846 What did...? 254 00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,885 - Fuck has happened in here? - Oh, my... 255 00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,803 This is a travesty. 256 00:10:16,828 --> 00:10:18,292 What took you so long? 257 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,338 His fucking stupid hat. 258 00:10:20,363 --> 00:10:22,079 Why aren't they wearing capes? 259 00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:24,859 Looks like anyone can be a vampire in Mana-hatta. 260 00:10:24,884 --> 00:10:26,420 Look at him. 261 00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,666 Sod this, I'm gonna get a drink. 262 00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:30,386 So how long have you been a familiar? 263 00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:32,113 You don't look very familiar. 264 00:10:32,138 --> 00:10:33,495 Ah. 265 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,022 I see what you did there, but, uh, ten years. 266 00:10:36,196 --> 00:10:38,411 - Ten years? A decade. - Yeah. 267 00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:41,160 It's considered being an expert to some people. 268 00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:42,954 - All right. Okay. - Which way is the bathroom? 269 00:10:42,978 --> 00:10:44,450 I'm here for the bathroom. 270 00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:46,951 - You're standing in it. - Oh, is that what that is? 271 00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:49,979 Oh, the buckets. They gave them to us when they 272 00:10:50,004 --> 00:10:51,277 thought we were going to unionize. 273 00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,765 Do you not read the newsletter? 274 00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:54,359 There's a newsletter? 275 00:10:54,384 --> 00:10:56,455 - There is a newsletter. - I can give you my e-mail. 276 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,872 Colby, it's time to leave. 277 00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:01,246 - Oh, those are your... - Yeah, I'm their... 278 00:11:01,271 --> 00:11:03,122 I'm their familiar. They're like, 400 years old 279 00:11:03,147 --> 00:11:05,330 but I have to play their parent, I'm their "Dad" 280 00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:07,875 - so no one gets suspicious. - Now, Colby. 281 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,821 Y-You better go. 282 00:11:09,846 --> 00:11:11,615 Let's go, kids. 283 00:11:11,753 --> 00:11:14,387 Daddy's coming. Let's go. 284 00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:16,932 Oh. 285 00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:19,331 Excuse me, Sam. 286 00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:23,616 All right, Big Vlad, light me up. 287 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,772 Simon! Simon! 288 00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:27,919 This is insane. Who would do this? 289 00:11:27,944 --> 00:11:29,894 - Simon! Simon! Simon! Simon! - Are you ready for this? 290 00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,647 Abbadon, watch. Are you watching? 291 00:11:31,685 --> 00:11:34,606 Oh, boy, we are having fun tonight. 292 00:11:36,722 --> 00:11:38,590 Don't look so scared. 293 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,077 Understandably, life is filled with mysteries. 294 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,872 And for our next mystery... 295 00:11:43,897 --> 00:11:46,135 - Simon! - Nadja? 296 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,535 Hey! 297 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,560 Nadja! 298 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,688 What a sight for sore eyes. 299 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:54,934 - I haven't seen you in ages. - Simon. 300 00:11:54,959 --> 00:11:56,328 Look at you. 301 00:11:56,353 --> 00:11:59,022 Don't you look wonderful? 302 00:11:59,047 --> 00:12:01,426 Fucking bloodle service. 303 00:12:01,451 --> 00:12:02,863 I wanted this five minutes ago. 304 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,644 I'm talking to Nadja now. 305 00:12:04,669 --> 00:12:06,076 Please, please. 306 00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:08,790 So, what are you up to? 307 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,817 Well, I'm, uh, uh, living in... on the Staten Island. 308 00:12:11,842 --> 00:12:12,709 Uh-huh... 309 00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:15,861 And things are going very, very, very good. 310 00:12:15,886 --> 00:12:17,699 - Good? Good. - Very good. Yes. 311 00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,935 Oh, I'm so happy to hear that, 'cause I worry about you. 312 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:20,685 Aw... 313 00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,667 Come, come, come, come, come, come, come. 314 00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:25,825 You know, I worry about you because I hear all these stories 315 00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:29,923 about all these vampires, and they slowly spiral out 316 00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:33,288 and then they get stuck in this real complacency. 317 00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:36,903 Then, eventually, they just... fade away. 318 00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:39,027 - But not you. - No way. 319 00:12:39,052 --> 00:12:41,348 You're-you're in Staten Island. 320 00:12:41,373 --> 00:12:43,245 - Well, yes. - And Laszlo and Nandor? 321 00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,117 Have you spoken to them recently? 322 00:12:45,142 --> 00:12:47,944 Uh, well, actually, they're somewhere here. 323 00:12:48,342 --> 00:12:49,827 No! 324 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,614 - Yes. - Impossible! 325 00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:52,692 Well, we should all have a drink. 326 00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:54,691 I would love to catch up with those two rascals. 327 00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:58,254 Ah, there you are. 328 00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:00,465 Had my eye on you all night, little one. 329 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,983 - Oh, I-I, I'm just, uh... - Yeah, whatever it is you're "just," 330 00:13:03,007 --> 00:13:05,457 you just found it right here. Sweet release from life. 331 00:13:05,482 --> 00:13:07,903 Uh, I like life. And I'm just, uh... 332 00:13:07,928 --> 00:13:09,253 Guillermo. 333 00:13:10,173 --> 00:13:11,390 Oh. 334 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,116 Something I can help you with, friend? 335 00:13:13,141 --> 00:13:16,044 Uh, well, not really, but... 336 00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:18,137 Oh, were you gonna... 337 00:13:18,162 --> 00:13:20,574 - No, no, no. No. - 'Cause I was thinking... 338 00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,285 - Okay. Well, okay. - Yeah? 339 00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:24,620 - I'd prefer it if you didn't. - Why? 340 00:13:24,645 --> 00:13:27,402 He's kind of my familiar. 341 00:13:27,427 --> 00:13:28,929 - How could I know? - No, I... 342 00:13:28,954 --> 00:13:30,391 No, honest mistake. Y-You don't have to apologize. 343 00:13:30,415 --> 00:13:32,302 I will. I must apologize, I'm so sorry. I-I... 344 00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:34,217 Fine, honestly, look, if you really had your heart set on it, 345 00:13:34,241 --> 00:13:35,249 don't let me stand in your way. 346 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:35,982 - Well, I'd love to... - What? 347 00:13:36,007 --> 00:13:37,434 Not at all. This is my discourtesy. 348 00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:39,448 - And I feel bad. - I mean, I'm okay with it if... 349 00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:41,943 - I mean, you can if you like. - No. No. No. I do apologize. 350 00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,396 - Cheers. Okay? Rock and roll. - Yes. 351 00:13:44,421 --> 00:13:45,831 Wow! 352 00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:48,595 No, I wasn't going to let him eat you. 353 00:13:51,570 --> 00:13:53,373 Guillermo! 354 00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:57,681 Simon The Devious will see you. 355 00:13:58,066 --> 00:13:59,992 Okay. Great. Uh, 356 00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:02,039 - your hat is bleeding. - I know. 357 00:14:02,064 --> 00:14:03,486 You must 358 00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:06,345 kill someone in the Hamptons. It's just... 359 00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:08,773 Laszlo! Nandor? 360 00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:12,039 Aren't you a sight for sore eyes? 361 00:14:12,064 --> 00:14:13,771 Pleasure to see you again, Simon. 362 00:14:13,796 --> 00:14:16,502 And look at you. Nadja said you're doing well. 363 00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,591 And now I see you in your capes, 364 00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:22,529 and I think "Well, you haven't lost your senses of humor." 365 00:14:22,810 --> 00:14:25,145 - You're married? - Yes. 366 00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:26,949 Well, your behavior with me did not preclude you 367 00:14:26,973 --> 00:14:28,399 - to be married. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 368 00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:31,644 I had forgotten because of her physical behavior with me. 369 00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,797 Oh, when was the last time we were all together? 370 00:14:34,822 --> 00:14:38,032 The bicentennial, 1976. 371 00:14:38,057 --> 00:14:42,101 Yes, you told that joke about that group of sailors. 372 00:14:42,126 --> 00:14:43,347 Yes. Uh, 373 00:14:43,372 --> 00:14:46,949 "It's like a virtual smorgasbord of seamen"? 374 00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:54,314 That's it. 375 00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:00,839 But I haven't even introduced you to my crew, 376 00:15:00,864 --> 00:15:02,356 the Leather Skins. 377 00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,935 Of course, that's Big Vlad behind you. 378 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,189 Abbadon, Empusa. 379 00:15:07,214 --> 00:15:09,721 We've got the Freak sisters over there, 380 00:15:09,746 --> 00:15:11,666 they're two sisters and they are not related. 381 00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:13,434 That's Little Vlad. 382 00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:15,453 The guy's a fucking maniac. 383 00:15:15,477 --> 00:15:17,045 We've got Mister 50s. 384 00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:20,354 We've got S, and that's because her name is Sarah. 385 00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:22,152 We've got Evil Steve. 386 00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:24,536 Freakfest Tony. Ah! 387 00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:27,699 There he is, Blavglad the Exsanguinator. 388 00:15:27,731 --> 00:15:30,851 And, of course, The Silent One. 389 00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:32,210 Hey. 390 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,636 We keep going over there, 391 00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:35,721 we've got Asian Mike. And that's Chunt. 392 00:15:35,746 --> 00:15:39,434 Jane the Soulless, Elgrad the Fifth, Horvok the Pit Master. 393 00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:42,308 Gonthrapal and his brother Krylsac. 394 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:43,829 It's Wesley Sykes. 395 00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:47,118 Desdemona the Shrieker. 396 00:15:47,143 --> 00:15:48,070 Yes. 397 00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:49,637 There's Len, my accountant. 398 00:15:49,662 --> 00:15:51,671 And of course, Count Rapula. 399 00:15:57,469 --> 00:15:58,852 Yes, he just started rapping 400 00:15:58,877 --> 00:16:00,653 in 1991. 401 00:16:00,678 --> 00:16:03,543 Yes, well, um, this is our crew. 402 00:16:03,568 --> 00:16:06,153 There's Nandor. My good lady-wife Nadja, 403 00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:08,992 who you clearly know. And my good self. 404 00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:11,377 - We like to keep things slim. - Hi, everyone. 405 00:16:11,402 --> 00:16:14,319 I'm... I'm-I'm also with them. 406 00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:15,799 - Who is he? - No one. 407 00:16:15,824 --> 00:16:17,058 I'm with them. 408 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,446 Now, we've all known each other long enough 409 00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:21,583 to know that this is not a mere social visit. 410 00:16:21,608 --> 00:16:23,143 You are not wrong. 411 00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:25,311 Um, you may have heard that, uh, 412 00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:28,474 we have the Baron visiting with us. 413 00:16:28,499 --> 00:16:32,402 The Baron came to visit you in Staten Island? 414 00:16:32,427 --> 00:16:35,059 Yes. We were thinking, as we have dominion 415 00:16:35,084 --> 00:16:36,886 - over Staten Island... - Uh-huh. 416 00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:40,445 And you, Simon, you control a lot of Manhattan, well... 417 00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:41,615 - I do. - Yes, uh, 418 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,629 I mean, there's talk we could possibly join forces, 419 00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:47,480 take the lion's share of New York City. 420 00:16:47,505 --> 00:16:51,403 Uh, which also includes our street and also Ashley Street. 421 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:54,831 So, I would bring Manhattan to the table, 422 00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,899 and you would bring... 423 00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:58,432 Our street and... 424 00:16:58,457 --> 00:17:00,135 - Ashley Street. - SIMON ...and Ashley Street. 425 00:17:00,159 --> 00:17:01,222 - Correct. - Yes. 426 00:17:01,247 --> 00:17:03,316 Well, that sounds very interesting. 427 00:17:03,341 --> 00:17:04,708 Oh, ooh. 428 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,985 So I guess I would begin 429 00:17:06,010 --> 00:17:08,176 the negotiation by... 430 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,534 you giving me that hat. 431 00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:12,725 Oh, I fucking knew this would happen. 432 00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,409 - Absolutely not. - Laszlo. 433 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,856 Simon, you don't want the hat. It's not a good hat. 434 00:17:16,881 --> 00:17:18,011 - No... - Give him the hat. 435 00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:18,551 No. 436 00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:21,024 I watched you walk around that ship 437 00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:23,569 always wearing that hat and thinking, 438 00:17:23,594 --> 00:17:25,996 "This vampire doesn't deserve this hat. 439 00:17:26,021 --> 00:17:27,556 I deserve that hat." 440 00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:29,737 Well, I'll tell you something, if you want this hat, 441 00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:31,431 you'll have to cut my head off. 442 00:17:31,456 --> 00:17:33,830 - Laszlo. - That's fine. 443 00:17:33,855 --> 00:17:36,562 Big Vlad, right behind you, has a machete. 444 00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:40,057 He could take it, or perhaps we could get The Silent One, 445 00:17:40,082 --> 00:17:42,875 or Little Vlad, he's a fucking maniac. 446 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,570 And if we could hit Mister 50s, maybe he could help, 447 00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:47,847 or the Exsanguinator himself. 448 00:17:47,872 --> 00:17:50,613 Or, let's see, fucking everybody here. 449 00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:53,037 All right, all right, you've made your point. Get off me. 450 00:17:53,062 --> 00:17:54,571 Take the fucking hat. 451 00:17:54,596 --> 00:17:57,668 Ah, thank you. Mm. 452 00:17:57,693 --> 00:17:59,292 What is it that's sort of puckering 453 00:17:59,317 --> 00:18:01,512 and sucking at the back of my head? 454 00:18:01,537 --> 00:18:02,748 It's witch's asshole. 455 00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,628 Oh, yes. 456 00:18:04,653 --> 00:18:06,457 Well, now that I've got the hat, 457 00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:09,972 - I can say, um, get them out of here. - What? 458 00:18:09,997 --> 00:18:12,578 - What? - You can get the fuck out! 459 00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:14,948 Get out of my club! 460 00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:16,608 - Oh... - I summoned you here 461 00:18:16,633 --> 00:18:20,106 to get your hat, and now it is time for you to leave. 462 00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:30,230 - Thank you. - Humiliating. 463 00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:32,510 Thank you. Thank you. 464 00:18:32,535 --> 00:18:35,237 By the way, we don't validate parking. 465 00:18:35,262 --> 00:18:37,042 Not that you have a car, 466 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:40,168 - because you are failuresof vampires. - Lazlo, don't... 467 00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:43,010 in your pathetic, lame capes. 468 00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:45,608 This hat... it makes me feel like Robin Hood. 469 00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:47,411 Big Vlad, my bow. 470 00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:49,534 - Touch the sky. - Touch the sky. 471 00:18:49,559 --> 00:18:51,062 He's a big silly dickhead. 472 00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,199 I don't remember him being so devious. 473 00:18:53,224 --> 00:18:55,123 I mean, he is called Simon The Devious. 474 00:18:55,148 --> 00:18:57,301 - Shit! - Shit! Oh, shit! 475 00:18:57,326 --> 00:18:58,839 Fucking hell. Darling? 476 00:18:58,864 --> 00:19:01,723 - Yes? - I think my hat's probably cursed. 477 00:19:01,748 --> 00:19:03,449 Bat! 478 00:19:05,924 --> 00:19:08,153 Oh... 479 00:19:10,503 --> 00:19:12,332 Guillermo. 480 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,423 Guillermo? 481 00:19:20,584 --> 00:19:22,137 You're still angry about that vampire 482 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,442 who tried to eat you, aren't you? 483 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,973 - Yes. - Don't deny it. I can tell. 484 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,363 - I said yes. - See, I knew it. 485 00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:30,264 Guillermo... 486 00:19:31,512 --> 00:19:34,039 I'm sorry for how I treated you tonight. 487 00:19:34,878 --> 00:19:36,588 I appreciate you. 488 00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:38,301 I really do. 489 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,161 Well, you have a funny way of showing it sometimes. 490 00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:44,414 Thank you. But... 491 00:19:44,871 --> 00:19:48,144 I'm going to make it up to you tonight. 492 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:56,359 This is amazing, Master. 493 00:19:56,384 --> 00:20:00,276 Enjoy it, Guillermo. You're really flying. 494 00:20:00,301 --> 00:20:02,400 This is the best night of my life! 495 00:20:02,425 --> 00:20:06,037 Oh, that's quite sad, but also quite beautiful. 496 00:20:06,062 --> 00:20:08,703 - I feel like a real vampire. - Don't push it. 497 00:20:08,728 --> 00:20:10,353 - What's that over there? - Where? 498 00:20:10,378 --> 00:20:11,993 The Empire State Building, I think. 499 00:20:12,018 --> 00:20:13,386 Is that it right there? 500 00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:14,767 - What, over... - Aah! 501 00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:16,343 Oops. 502 00:20:16,368 --> 00:20:18,002 Shit. 503 00:20:18,027 --> 00:20:20,047 Shh, Guillermo. 504 00:20:20,072 --> 00:20:21,749 Don't trouble yourself. 505 00:20:21,774 --> 00:20:23,334 He was fortunate. 506 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,078 A thicket of trees tangled him up, and then he landed 507 00:20:26,103 --> 00:20:28,699 on the roof of an abandoned food truck. 508 00:20:30,058 --> 00:20:31,825 I want you to know 509 00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:35,249 that you are my... 510 00:20:36,224 --> 00:20:37,743 friend. 511 00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:41,069 - Hmm... - Ugh, no, that didn't feel right. 512 00:20:41,094 --> 00:20:42,745 You will forget I said anything. 513 00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,453 Shall we? 514 00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:48,997 Hold your Horlicks... That's my bloody hat. 515 00:20:49,022 --> 00:20:51,324 Is that you in there, Simon? 516 00:20:51,571 --> 00:20:55,012 Well, I'm gonna take my hat back, you crispy piece of shit. 517 00:21:06,513 --> 00:21:08,270 Eh. 518 00:21:49,529 --> 00:21:55,792 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 36110

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