All language subtitles for The Nude Bomb 1980-eng

(WOMAN SINGING)
You're always there
when I need you

I can count on you all right

If the world would end
I'd just call you

And you'd fix it overnight

If I wanted the sun

I bet you

Would deliver it to me

You're always there
when I need you

And I need you constantly

These are dangerous days
we're living in

And many times
I feel like giving in

But I never, never do

Instead I turn to you

You're too smart to be true

You're always there
when I need you

Heaven must have sent you here

It's a miracle somehow

You make disasters disappear

You make everything
I'm feeling

There is nothing you won't try

You're always there
when I need you

And I'll need you till I die

CHORUS: Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

You're always there
when I need you

I can count on you all right

If the world would end
I'd just call you

And you'd fix it overnight

If you wanted the sun
I bet you

You'd deliver it to me

You're always there
when I need you

And I need you constantly

Oh, I'm gonna need you, baby

CHORUS: Oh, baby,
baby, baby

I'm gonna need you, baby

Gonna need you, babe

You're always there

I'm gonna need you, baby

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey,
your boot's ringing.

Oh, is that my boot?
I thought
it was yours.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Yes, well, I think
I'll take it outside.

Answer it here.

Yeah, answer it here.

Yeah, on second thought,

I think
I'll answer it here.

Maxwell Smart,
Agent 86 here.

Max, this is the Chief

This better be
important, Chief.

What is your situation?

Well, I'm 10,000 feet
in the air,

facing a squad of killers,

who, I think,
know who I am.

How many?

Well, counting the guy
with the gun
in my face, 18.

Get rid of them
and get back here
immediately

Right, Chief.

Well, gentlemen, sorry,
but orders are orders.

(SCREAMING)

All right,
you guys stay here.

I'll go out and get him
and bring him back.

(PHONE RINGING)

What is it now, Chief?

CHIEF:
Max, I wanna know
what's happening

(THUDS)

(MAXWELL SCREAMING)

MAXWELL: I'm falling
at a speed of
120 miles an hour

from a height
of approximately
8,000 feet.

I'm gonna open
my parachute.

Should be on the ground
in two minutes.

Would you believe?
Two seconds.

Nations of the world,

this is KAOS

The all powerful organization
of evil and tyranny

speaking to you
from our secret
headquarters

We have in our power

a devastating new weapon,

capable of systematically
destroying all known fabrics
which exist in the world

It is called
the Nude Bomb

I am prepared
to detonate this bomb
in every single nation,

eradicating each fiber,
every last swatch of cloth,

rendering the entire world
completely nude

Every man, woman, and child
on the face of this Earth

is at the mercy of KAOS
if our demands are not met

These demands
will be forthcoming

That is all for now
Have a nice day

CHIEF: Good work, 86.
You made it.

Hello, Chief.

Well, I see
you're using
the stair ramp.

Pretty tight
security, eh?
What's up?

A big one, 86.
KAOS.

KAOS?

The international
organization of evil
and rottenness, eh?

We're really up
against it
this time, 86.

The fate of
the entire world
is in your hands.

Oh, no, not again.

Well, okay,
this time.

But next week,
I'm on vacation, Chief.

If you get in trouble then,
it's your ass.

MAXWELL: You know, Chief,
this Nude Bomb might
solve a lot of problems.

CHIEF: Such as?
MAXWELL: Well,
for one thing, flashers.

Only you would
think of that, Max.

That's why
they pay me
the big bucks.

And there'd be
no more trouble
with concealed weapons.

I mean,
if everyone is nude,

there'll be no place
to hide a gun
or a knife.

Well, there is a place
but it could be painful.

Activate the wash.

This is your team.

Now, Larabee,
you already know.

Why don't the rest
of you just introduce
yourselves?

My name is Carruthers...

Just a minute.
Ladies first, please.

I'm Agent 36

and I can't tell you
how thrilled I am
to be working

with the world's
most well-known
secret agent.

The Maxwell Smart.

Oh, you've heard of me.

Who hasn't?
You're a legend, 86.

While I was studying
with the Spy Academy,

I reviewed every one
of your cases.

Oh.

Well, wouldn't you
like to hear
my side of the story?

They think
you're wonderful.

Oh, you have heard
my side of the story.

I'm Dr. Jerry Krovney
and this is my sister,
Dr. Pam Krovney.

No kidding?

Listen, Doc,
I got a little pain
right about here.

See, I went to this
Japanese restaurant and I had
a chili dog and I got a...

Max, Max, they're not
medical doctors,

they're doctors
in the field of
technology.

They are
computer analysts.

You're kidding?
That's fantastic.

BOTH: Thank you.

Okay old-timer,
you're next.

My name is Carruthers.

I'm in charge of
special tactical weaponry
and logistical support.

I'm responsible for
your life while
you're on this assignment.

Well, I certainly hope
you're up to it, old-timer,

because there are
a lot of people out there

that would like
to see me dead.

They're not
all out there.

CHIEF: Deactivate the wash.

MAXWELL:
By the way, Chief,

what was
the nation's reaction to
the KAOS broadcast?

Were they frightened?
CHIEF: Angry.

Angry?

Well, they interrupted
a soap opera.

Which one?
As The Earth Turns

Well, I don't blame them.
That's my
favorite soap opera.

Do you realize that
Jessica is knocked up...

CHIEF: Max, Max,
please, please.

Could we get on
with this, please?

Rendezvous point one.

The President should be
calling in a minute
and 20 seconds.

He's gonna let us know
where to meet him.

Chief,
your rear-view pipe.

What about it?
You got it?

Yes.
Let me have it.

What's the matter?

I think
we're being followed.

I was right.
Duck, Chief.

CHIEF: Max!

She's on our side.

She's one of your team.

22 has been assigned
to back you up.

Agent 86, Agent 22.

You shot at me.

I'm sorry.

But you drew your gun
and I had to
protect myself.

Well, you could
have killed me.

Oh, no.
I aimed for your gun.

I put my bullet
in your barrel.

You put your bullet
in my barrel?

Max?

Of course, the old
bullet-in-the-barrel
trick.

Well, suppose
you'd missed
and hit me?

Max, I want this to be
a harmonious relationship.

Well, I'm sorry
if I was
out of line, 22.

I'm sure
you're a very good
marksperson,

but we all
make mistakes.

And if there's one thing
I've learned in many,
many years of experience,

is that you cannot
be too careful
with your gun.

(GUN FIRES)

Excuse me.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Are you all right?

Missed it by that much.

(PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me.

PITS.

Yes, Mr. President.

Right, Mr. President.

22, take cover.

Right, Chief.

See you later, 86.
Right, 22.

22?

22?

Where the hell
did she go?

You know she graduated
at the top of her class?

Majored in vanishing.

But she's always there
when you need her.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Maxwell Smart,
Agent 86 here.

PRESIDENT: This is
the President speaking

Oh, how do you do,
Mr. President?

PRESIDENT: Mr. Smart,

because of the
highly sensitive nature
of this Nude Bomb threat,

I've arranged for us
to rendezvous
in this unorthodox manner

(CAR HONKING)
Than risk any form
of security leak

Any form of what, sir?

(CAR HONKING)
Security leak

I'm sorry, sir,

but I can't hear you
because of
the traffic noise.

Security leak!

Oh, that?
Yes, sir, thank you.

Mr. Smart,
I've just received
the KAOS demands.

We're in severe trouble.

They're insisting
the United Nations
pool its resources

and pay KAOS
a monthly rent of
10 billion dollars.

Well, that's blackmail, sir.

I know.
But my information is

(HONKING)
The United Nations is
ready to capitulate.

Oh, blow it
out your ass!

Blow it out my what?

Oh, no, not you, 86.

Oh.
Now, listen.

They've called
an emergency session
of the Security Council.

They meet at noon.

Mr. Smart,
I want you to be there.

Right, sir.

Now, you realize, Mr. Smart,
that once KAOS
learns of your mission,

they'll stop at nothing.

You'll be
in imminent danger,
constant jeopardy,

facing death
at every turn.

And loving it.

I don't think Carruthers
expects us this early.

I hope he moved
your things over
from your old apartment.

22, we'll be out
in about five minutes.

AGENT 22:
Okay. Chief, you may
have been followed.

A black truck
just turned the corner.

Well, check it out.
AGENT 22: Will do.

And stay out of sight.

Right.

AGENT 22:
Watch your step, 86.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Now, remember, Max,
when you
use this entrance...

Got it, Chief.

You knock the bell
and ring the knocker,
right?

Right.

As I was explaining, Max,
the door is the wall
and the wall is the door.

Unless you make
the mistake of
ringing the bell

or knocking
on the door,

then the wall will
electrocute you.

You're early.
I'm not ready.

Max just came to
pick up a few things,
Carruthers.

We'll be out
of your way
in a minute.

CARRUTHERS:
All right, in that case,
I have in this box...

MAXWELL: Now, just
a minute, Carruthers.

Let me see
if I get this straight.

What you're trying
to tell me is that

that telephone
activates that wall?

Actually it's not
a telephone, 86,
it's a master control panel.

There's another one
over there. Now,
I have in this box...

Now wait a minute.
What do I use
for a telephone?

That stapler.
Now, I have in this...

A stapler telephone?

That's fantastic,
Carruthers.

Can it also be used
as a stapler?

No.

Oh, well, you better
work on that.

What's in the box,
Carruthers?

We don't have all day,
you know.

We made you
a new shoe phone, 86.

Touch tone dialing.
Very good.

And in the event
you're indisposed,
my latest innovation.

Shoe answer phone.
Very practical,
Carruthers.

Now, when you wanna
go to bed, you press
that top button there,

and it activates
the bedroom wall.

CARRUTHERS: And now,
I've got to activate
your filing cabinet.

Well, Carruthers has really
done an exceptional job
this time, hasn't he?

You know, you ought
to thank him, Max.

You thank him, Chief.

The only thing
that's on my mind
right now is

why is there a KAOS agent
in my bedroom?

What the hell are
you talking about?

(CLATTERING)
Shh, listen.

Now, let's not
be hasty, Max.

This could be
one of Carruthers' men.

No chance.
He would have
mentioned it.

Look, just let me
handle it, Chief,

and above all,
try not to panic.

Drop that gun
and put up your hands.

Not you, Max.
Right.

Come over here.

Who are you
and what are
you doing here?

I'm Harrington.
I'm on Carruthers'
special staff.

I came in here to make
a last minute check
for hidden microphones.

A likely story.
Don't trust him, Chief.

Why not?
Why not?

Why not?
Yes, why not?

Well, for one thing,
he has a foreign accent.

A foreign accent?

I don't hear
any foreign accent.
What kind of an accent?

What kind of an accent?

Chinese.

Chinese?

Would you
believe Japanese?

Max, not another word.

Italian?

Let's see your
identification.

All right, Harrington,
you can go.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

MAXWELL: Hey, Chief,
have you ever seen this?

This is a picture
of Agent 13 and me.

That's Agent 13
in the trash can.

Agent 13 would be
terrific on this case.

No! You're already
dangerously
overstaffed, Max.

But, Chief,
Agent 13 is one of

the best undercover men
in the business.

Why, he could be in a room
with you and you
wouldn't even know it.

No!
I wish you would
reconsider, Chief.

I'm telling you,
Agent 13 is
one of the best.

He's top drawer.

Bottom drawer, Max.

13, what are you
doing here?

We always work together,
don't we, Max?

Not on this job.

(INAUDIBLE)

Ma...

Let's go.

(CHIEF GRUNTING)

Chief, Chief,
believe me,

you cannot get
anybody better than
Agent 13 for this job.

22, can I see
you a minute?
Sure, Chief.

Oh!

All right, all right,
you can have Agent 13.

Thank you, Chief.
What's up?

Well, Max has to go to
the United Nations and
you're gonna back him up.

Of course.

Good.

That girl worries
me a lot, Chief.

Whatever happened
to our regulations
regarding female agents?

They're supposed to be
unmarried,
without dependents,

and willing to
fool around a lot.

Here comes
that black truck!

Of course,
the old big black
truck trick.

CHIEF: Get down!

Max, take cover!

CHIEF: Max, watch out!

Well, Max, KAOS knows
you're on the job.

I've never seen
that maneuver before.

Falling over backwards
and coming up shooting!

When did you first
think of that?

The second my foot hit
this banana peel.

(GRUNTS)

PITS has picked
Maxwell Smart
to work against us.

But it's to our advantage.

Stop mumbling
through that
ridiculous affectation.

This affectation,
my dear Nino,
is more than a disguise.

It's my latest innovation.

(GRUNTS)

Besides being perfectly
coordinated stylistically
with this ensemble,

this fabric filters
every last particle,

each microorganism
of a polluted world.

I'm telling you,
Maxwell Smart has been
put on the case!

Maxwell Smart is
a fool and a bumbler.

So how do you explain
how this bumbler

has been able to
thwart KAOS constantly
in the past?

He's a lucky bumbler.

I also know an attempt
was made on his life.
Did you order that?

Yes, he's dangerous.

On the contrary,
my dear Nino,
he's invaluable.

I planted a double agent
in PITS.

Hence, we have on
Maxwell Smart's team,

a constant conduit
of information

who will apprise us
of every move he makes.

You're really taking over,
aren't you?

I rather look
upon my contribution

as an enormous help
to both of us.

It's no help to have
Smart go to the UN.

He could convince them
we don't mean business.

An antidote to that is
to drop the bombs.

Drop the bombs!
That's all you think,
drop the bombs!

We'll drop the bombs
when I say drop the bombs!

Calm down, dear Nino.

I don't understand
these outbursts.

You've become
highly irrational

since that explosion
in your laboratory.

When you lost your eye,
your arm, your leg,
your larynx.

What's wrong with you?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

You're a fool!

If we kill the goose,
where is the golden egg?

If we destroy the world,
who'll pay us the money?

However,

your plan does
have some merit.

We'll drop just
a few bombs.

Limited warfare!

Very civilized.

(BEEPING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SNICKERS)

(GRUNTS)

(MEN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(MEN CONTINUE
SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

COMMANDER: Present...
Halt!

PLAYER: Let's give
these fans what it's worth.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
please, please.
Let us not panic!

It is perfectly obvious to me
what has happened here.

KAOS has merely tried
to confuse us by using
the old fake naked trick.

Of course, the old fake
naked trick. Yes!

What's the old
fake naked trick?

They have employed and
hired hundreds of people
to appear naked

in different countries
throughout the entire world.

It's an old trick,
but they have not
fooled me.

(MEN CHATTERING)

In a top secret discussion
of such
a sensitive nature,

we cannot risk
being bugged.

I suggest that
we activate
the Cones of Silence.

OFFICIAL:
For security reasons,

we shall activate
the Cones of Silence.

(INAUDIBLE)

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

There are advantages
to nudity.
It might eliminate war.

Without uniforms,
no one will know
who the enemy is.

We will know.

We can have uniforms
made out of metal.

Aluminum is good.
It's light.

You can march in it.
You can paint
your medals on it.

Uniforms! Uniforms!
And stop already.

Where did your uniforms
get us in the last war?

I would advise you
not to talk to me
like that.

You have relatives
in Germany?

I can talk any way I like.

I got relatives
in Chicago!

Gentlemen, trust me.
I know
what I'm talking about.

There is no such thing
as a Nude Bomb.

There never has been
a Nude Bomb

and there never will be
a Nude Bomb.

(ALL CHATTERING)

LARABEE:
How was the UN, Max?

MAXWELL:
Very cooperative, Larabee.
It's a fine organization.

Max, I've been
thinking about it.

And if they decide
to drop the Nude Bomb,
I know the answer.

Well?
Well, what?

Don't you want to
know the answer?

No!
Food.

Food?

Sure, the whole world
will start wearing food.

Larabee, that is
the stupidest thing

I have ever heard
in my entire life.

The whole world will
start wearing food?

I have heard you
say some dumb things,
Larabee,

but that's got to be
the dumbest thing

I have ever heard
come out of your mouth!

People wearing food.
Forget it, Larabee,
just forget it!

Food! Jesus!

What kind of food?

Fruits, vegetables, fish,
but not too much red meat.

You wear red meat
a couple of times a week,
that's plenty.

But this is crazy.

Why? We're just going
back to the Bible.

Now what did Adam and Eve wear
to cover up the good parts?

Fig leaves.
Now, that's fruit.

Now, you take a head
of romaine lettuce.

That will clothe
a family of six.

You buy a flank steak,

you throw it over
your shoulders
and you got a stole.

Cantaloupe.
You cut it in half,
scoop out the inside

and you got a bra.

What holds the bra up?

Linguini.

Linguini?

Larabee, that's insane.

Do you realize that
the whole world is facing
a food shortage as it is?

Max, this will work.

People for the first time
will know where their
next meal is coming from.

They'll be wearing it.

You'll wear it
two or three times,
then you eat it.

Won't it spoil?

Not if you're neat.

What has neatness
got to do with it?

Well, you can't take your
clothes off and throw them
over a chair anymore.

You got to learn to fold
them neatly and put them
in the refrigerator.

MAXWELL: Larabee, you can
just drop me off in front.

Why are we going
in this way?

LARABEE: Wait till you see
Carruthers' invention, Max.

See you later, Max.

CARRUTHERS: Got
our first break, Smart.

Man named Seigle responded
to the distribution
of the photographs.

Said he'd call you back.

(PHONE BUZZING)
Don't tie up that
stapler, Carruthers.

Seigle may call back
any minute.

Carruthers here.

I'm leaving
the stapler location.

I'll be at my piano number
in half an hour.
If you need me earlier,

call me on my jock strap,

but please,
just ring once.

All right, Smart,
I'll explain
this desk to you

and then get the hell
out of here.

That won't be
necessary, Carruthers.
I've seen desks before.

Not like this one.

This is the latest
in counterattack furniture.

The D-1 Turbocharger
Desk Mobile.

This desk can go
from zero to 60
in five seconds

and can cruise
at 80 miles an hour.

It was built at a cost
of $12 million.

Get on.

See that key
in the drawer?

Turn it.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Of course.
The old dashboard
in the drawer trick.

To activate the armament,
you press the knob
marked "air-conditioning."

How do you turn on
the air-conditioning?

There is no
air-conditioning.

There is no
air-conditioning?

Are you kidding?

$12 million for this thing
and no air-conditioning?

You better work
on that, Carruthers.

How much mileage do
you get on this thing?

Thirty-five on the highway,
12 in the living room.

Well, that's not bad
for an American make.

That's because it
doesn't run on gasoline.
It runs on ink.

This thing runs on ink?

That's fantastic,
Carruthers!

Why, do you realize
that could be the answer
to the fuel shortage?

I'm afraid not.
Special kind of ink.
Comes from Saudi Arabia.

Well, Smart, that's it.

Make sure to change
drawers every 6,000 miles.

Mine or the desk's?

That depends on
who's chasing you.

CARRUTHERS:
I'm sure I'll see you later.

It's been
that kind of day.

(GASPS)

22, don't do that to me!
How did you get in here?

Through the wall.
Through the wall?

Well, what do you want?

Well, I've been doing
a lot of thinking
since we met,

and I feel we got off
on the wrong foot.

You know, things would
run a lot smoother
if we became friends.

Let's stop beating
around the bush, 22.

What you're after
is my body.

86!

Well, just put it
out of your mind
because it won't work.

I don't know what you
may have heard about me,
but I am not easy.

Look, I think
you've got this
all wrong. I'll be...

I know, I know.
You'll be gentle.

I've heard
that one before.

Sure, and as soon
as I relax,
you'll be all over me.

And then when
the case is over,

I'll never hear
from you again.

Max!

So now it's Max! See?

That's what
I was afraid of!

Look, 22,
when I'm on a case,
I don't fool around!

I mean,
before a case, maybe!

After a case, definitely.
During a case, never!

Never?
Never!

22?
Hmm?

After, definitely.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Freeze.

36, what are you doing
in my bed?

Well, Carruthers
called about Seigle.

I rushed right over
and you weren't here,

and I hadn't slept
in 48 hours,

so I thought
I'd take a shower
to wake myself up.

But it didn't work.

I'm sorry, Max,
I guess I fell asleep
on the job.

I suppose nothing
like that's ever
happened to you?

I'm going to change
into my clothes.

Oh, Max, would you hand
me the bra and panties
on the chair?

AGENT 22: Max?

22?

Excuse me,
I just got instructions
from Carruthers

to activate the voiceprint
monitoring system
for the Seigle call

on all the extensions.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

What was that?

What was what?

Didn't the toilet
just flush?

The toilet, yes.

Well, that's another one
of Carruthers' inventions.

It's an automatic flusher.

You see, it flushes
every hour on the hour

whether you want it to
or not.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

It's also a clock.

Two flushes,
that's two a flush.
2:00.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

3:00.

Well, time certainly flies
when you're having fun,
doesn't it?

Well, you should be
running along, 22,
it's getting kind of late.

What is that
in your hand?

That? That's my bra.

Your bra?

Would you believe,
my training bra?

Uh-uh.

22, I can explain
this bra in five seconds.

These panties are gonna
take a little longer.

It isn't necessary.

But it is
necessary, 22.

You see,
they're a disguise
from a former mission.

Max, where are
my bra and panties?

36, you know 22.
22, 36.

Mmm-hmm.

Now, wait a minute, 22,
I can explain anything.

I mean,
I can explain everything!

I did not know that
36 was in my bedroom.

When I came
into my bedroom,

there was 36 lying
on my bed in my bathrobe.

So, then
when I came in, she was
embarrassed, you see,

so she went
into the bathroom

and she asked me to
bring in her clothes.

So, that's when I went
to get her clothes,
her panties and her bra, see?

And I went to bring them in.
That's when you came in,

she came out
and that's the whole
story in a nutshell.

Well, what do you think?

Bullshit!

Bullshit.

This is the last time
I ever tell the truth
to a woman.

Look, the next time
you come over here,

don't wear my bra
and panties.

Your bra and panties,
that's an order!

(PHONE RINGING)

That could be Seigle.

Hello?

My name is
Jonathan Levinson Seigle.

I own Jonathan of Paris,
here in New York.

I have information
which could determine
the fate of the entire world

and civilization
as it is known today.
You got a minute?

Of course.

I received a photograph
of that fellow that broadcasts
for KAOS on television.

And suddenly I remembered.
Yes?

I had a model
who worked for me.

Came in late one day,

wearing a dress
with the exact same pattern,
a plum paisley.

Now, listen, this is
very important, Mr. Seigle.

Can you put me in touch
with this model?

Look, Mr. Smart,
this is not a good time.

I've been waiting
for a buyer.
And she's finally here.

Why don't you
come by my place?

17117th Avenue, tonight,
exactly 5:00.

Could be 5:15.

Mr. Seigle?

(GASPS)

He's been shot, 22.

See what you can do for him.
I'm gonna check out the back.

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

Relax, relax.
Calm down, ladies.

You have nothing
to fear from me.
I'm a government agent.

(WOMEN SIGHING)

I advise you
to keep this door shut
and locked.

Whoever it was
got away.
Is this Seigle?

Yes.
How is he?

I think he's dying.
I'll call an ambulance.

Mr. Seigle,
did you see
who did it?

It was a man.

It was a man who...

(GROANS)

Too late.

Better call the morgue.

Just a second.

Ambulance.

He was a big man,
a tall man.

I'd say a 42 long.

Did you notice
anything else
about him?

He had a patch
over one eye.

Morgue.

What's your hurry?

Ambulance.

He also had one leg
and one arm.

One leg and one arm?
Why didn't you
tell me that before?

You didn't ask me
if he was hard to fit.

Morgue.

Just a few minutes.

Ambulance.

When you called me,

you told me you had
information about
the Nude Bomber.

I think...

Who should I call?

Morgue?

Ambulance.

(SIREN WAILING)

(GROANS)

(SPEAKING HEBREW)

Get me a fair deal, Andy,
with Ernest Ainsley.

Mr. Seigle,
you've got to try
to remember!

Now, you said that
this model
that worked for you,

that wore a dress
with the same
paisley pattern

as the man
in the photograph.

Something was happening.

SEIGLE: What is this?
The fucking
Indianapolis 500? Hey!

MAXWELL: Mr. Seigle!
Mr. Seigle, say something!

Whiplash!

Watch where
you're going, fellow.

Oh, Doctor, how is he?
Will he be all right?

I think so.

His vital signs
are encouraging,
but he's very weak.

We have to ask him
some questions.

He can't talk.
Can he type?

I'm sorry,
you can't go in there.

Doctor, it is
absolutely vital that
we speak to him.

This is an
international
emergency.

That man in there
has information

that could determine
the fate
of the entire world.

Well...
22, do you mind?

Let me handle this.
I've dealt with
doctors before.

Now, look, Doctor,
we want in.

No!

Please?
Okay.

See?

(SEIGLE GROANING)

(GROANS)
Mr. Seigle.

We desperately need to
know the name of the model
who wore the dress.

Can you help us,
Mr. Seigle?

What did he say?

He asked me to
take my hand
out of his groin.

What did he say?

He wants you to
put your hand
in his groin.

Mr. Seigle, please,
can you help us?

(MUMBLING)

(HUMMING)

He's too weak to talk.
He's humming
the information to us.

(HUMMING)

(ALL HUMMING)

That's Hello Dolly
The model's name
must be Dolly.

Mr. Seigle,
Dolly, Dolly.
This Dolly?

Where can we find
this Dolly?

(HUMMING)

I know that tune.

(ALL HUMMING)

I know it.
I know that tune.

Now, don't tell me,
I know it.

California Here I Come
I told you I knew it.

She's somewhere
in California.

Where in California,
Mr. Seigle?

In Hollywood.

(COUGHS) Los...
Los Angeles.

(SEIGLE GROANS)

Mr. Seigle,
you said you knew
the name of the man

who designed
the paisley dress?

(HUMMING)

(ALL HUMMING)

(SINGING) I wanna be

In that number

When the saints go marching in

Oh, when the saints

Go marching in

Oh, when the saints
go marching in

(SNORING)

AGENT 22:
Well, I want to be

Mr. Seigle?
Mr. Seigle?

DOCTOR: I'm sorry,
but you're going to
have to leave.

Doctor,
you've got to give us
a little more time.

I must ask him
one more question!

We've got to find out
what he meant

by When the Saints
Go Marching In

It's too late.
He's asleep.

Well, at least we have
some information
to feed into the computer.

We know about Dolly
and we know
about California.

Yes, and we also
know that somehow

KAOS has advance information
on every action we take.

Well, no matter
how clever
they may be, no one,

not even KAOS
can anticipate
my every move.

Nothing on When the Saints
Go Marching In,
but as for Dolly...

Do you have
a make on her?

JERRY: Subject's full name
is Dolly Francine Winston.

Address, 2211 Beach Avenue,
Santa Monica,
California, 90402.

That's fantastic.
What does she do?

Interesting background.

She traveled
with Isaac Stern

as his accompanist
on 20 concerts worldwide.

Prior to that,
she was a curator,

specializing in pre-Columbian
restoration at
the Pyramids of Teotihuacan.

And she voyaged with
the Cousteau expedition

as a consultant
on bathyspheric
pressure studies.

What is
she doing now?

She's a tour guide
at Universal Studios.

Well, she certainly has
the background for it.

Well, thank you very much.
You've been very helpful.

Oh, just one more
question, Doctor.

BOTH: Yes?

Are you sure
this is the right
Dolly Winston?

BOTH: Positive.
Why do you ask?

Well, I once knew
a Dolly Winston, traveled
with the Benny Goodman band.

She was a singer?

No, she just traveled
with the band.

(DISPATCHER CHATTERING
ON RADIO)

What happened here?

Ask the landlady.

We're government agents.
What happened?

I didn't see that.

That doesn't look
anything like you.

It's my thumbprint.

Okay.

Was that Dolly?
That was Dolly.

Dolly Winston?
Mmm-hmm.

What happened?
A man.

A man with a patch
over his eye.

And one arm?
And a limb.

Of course, they knew
we were coming again,
but how?

He ripped the room apart.
He destroyed everything.

May we see the room?
It's $300 a month.

Of course, you realize
it's a mess right now,

but once
we get it cleaned up,

I may have to charge
my cleaning fee
a little higher than usual.

But as a rule,
we're very clean

and the apartment is
such a mess we...

LANDLADY: And the bathroom
is just down the hall.
You are so lucky.

The plum paisley dress
isn't here.

The plum paisley,
that was her favorite.

But she never
kept it here.

She kept it
in her locker
at the studio,

for when she went out
on dates right from work.

We got here as soon
as we could, 13.

Who you working with?

Agent 22 is my backup,
right over here.

Hi, 13.

Oh, hi, 22.

Where's the locker room?
Oh, it's over there.

Women only.
I better go
get the dress.

I didn't know 22
was your backup.

She's really something,
isn't she?

Yes, she's very nice.

I knew her
when she was married
to Agent 78.

22 was married
to the late great 78?

Wasn't he a little
old for her?

Well, let's see, 22 was 21
when she married 78 in '72.

78 was 46,
that means 78 was

22, 32, 40...
Twenty-five years older
than 22.

22 joined PITS
when 78 died in '75.

Tell me, 13,
how was 78 killed?

Investigating
the numbers racket.

AGENT 22: Max, help!

22, are you all right?

He clubbed me.

A man, he grabbed the dress
and went out the door!

That way, 22.

(GROANS)

MAN: Now, there are rules
to movie fighting.

The villain always
gets in the first punch.

I counter with a left,
like in the stomach,
toss him out the window.

And that's why movie
fights look realer.

Now, we have
a little gunplay
after a fist fight.

There has to be
a movie shootout!

They're using
real bullets.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

ROBOT: You have blundered
into a Cylon battle zone

You are now our prisoners
Do not attempt to escape

Move forward immediately,
or we will blast you

ROBOT: All stations stand by
Power beams on Stand by

Secure for space travel

(ROBOT CHATTERING)

ROBOT: Activate
primary thrusters

Activate

Ignition sequence

All systems ready
Stand by

GUIDE: Ladies and gentlemen,
we're about to see a close-up

of one of the most
famous structures
in motion picture history.

A house used
in the Alfred Hitchcock
thriller, Psycho

(GUIDE CHATTERING)

We've got to take this tram.
There are people on it.

Tell them
it's part of the tour.
They could get killed.

So what? We're not
charging them for it.

(FIREWORKS BURSTING)

(PEOPLE GASPING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

MAXWELL:
This tram is overloaded.

Tell them
they can walk on water,
it's part of the tour.

AGENT 22: All right, now,
you're all Israelites.

You're going to go
into the water and
experience what Moses did.

Everybody up!
One, two, three!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Max, duck!

Your damn vanity could have
led Smart right to us!

Fairly empty accusation,
considering it was you,
my dear Nino,

who gave
the whole damned dress
to your lady friend.

Smart has seen me.
He should be eliminated!

Yes, I'm afraid
we'll have to kill him,

if he gets too close.

(GRUNTS)

We're getting close, 86.
PAM: Name?

Nino Salvatori
Sebastiani.

Subject was victim
of violent
laboratory explosion,

which occurred
the afternoon
of November 24th.

Wasn't that on
Thanksgiving Day?

That's not important,
Larabee.

Subject sustained
the loss

of one arm, one leg,
one eye
and one turkey.

Told you.

I think what Larabee
is really trying to say

is that the explosion
in the laboratory

took place while
Nino was working on
the Nude Bomb.

And Nino Salvatori Sebastiani
could be
the Nude Bomber himself.

Question is
where do we find
Nino Salvatori Sebastiani

within the next
36 hours?

This may help.

He was recently divorced
from Edith Von Secondberg.

She's a reputable
fashion designer

currently vacationing
in Innsbruck, Austria.

Well, that's good
enough for me.
Okay, I'm off.

MAXWELL: Agent 34?

86, welcome to Innsbruck.

(BONES CRUNCHING)

Thank you.
Shall we go?

MAXWELL: Fill me in
on Edith Von Secondberg.

AGENT 34:
She's a famous
fashion designer,

cherishes
her seclusion.

However, she does
like her men.

A bit of charm
and you may get
what you want.

Bit of charm, eh?

Well, I've used
that weapon
many times before.

If that's what it takes
to get the information,

I may let her
have her way.

And if necessary,

I'll go the limit.

Uh-oh.

Just our luck.
We got to run into
a poisonous Achtung

That means attention.

There has been
an avalanche.

Well, what do we do now?

Oh, don't worry,
I'll get us out in a second.

Meanwhile,
why don't you slip
in your ski boots?

Carruthers has adapted them
with your usual equipment.

AGENT 34:
Now, the road is blocked.

We have to do the rest
of the way on skis.

You know how to ski,
don't you?

I'm gonna try and forget
you said that.

Slip into those bindings.

If you don't lock them
in place correctly,

they can be very
difficult to get off,

almost impossible.

They freeze shut.

All set?

MAXWELL: I'll be
right behind you.

You're the boss, 86.

What took you so long?

Oh, boy,
you are fast.

I couldn't even
see you pass me.

Okay, 34, you better
get out of sight.

Let me help you
with your skis.

If it'll make
you feel better.

The bindings are stuck.
They're frozen.
Got a cigarette lighter?

34, listen.
Someone's coming
to the door.

Get out of sight.

Good luck, 86.

(SHUSHING)
You mustn't knock.

No noise whatsoever

or that will come down.

Won't you come in?
We can talk inside.

Wouldn't you prefer to
leave your skis outside?

In this neighborhood?
Are you kidding?

You're quite witty.

And charming.

Who are you?

My name is
Maxwell Smart.

I'm an insurance salesman
of Mutual of Austria,

and I have come here
to sell you
avalanche insurance.

Really?
I'm most interested.

Oh, I'm preparing some
hot, buttered rum.
Would you like to join me?

No, thank you.

If you're chilled,
Mr. Smart,

why don't you stand
by the fire?

Oh, thank you.

There's something I think
you should know, Maxwell.

And what is that?

Your skis are on fire.

Well, in that case,
why don't I just
take them off and...

Let's see.
I'll just...

Just put them there
until I'm ready to leave.

You are amusing.

I've tried for years
to get avalanche insurance.

There is no such thing.

What is it
you really want?

That's very perceptive
of you, my dear.

The truth of the matter
is that I'm not really
an insurance man.

I'm a secret agent.

And I'm here
on a very important
mission, Edith.

May I call you Edith?

I'd like that.

Particularly since
that's my name.

You'll find I answer
a lot faster to it
than I would

if you call
me Marian.

I'm going to level
with you, Marian.

May I call you Marian?
Edith.

I'm looking
for your husband.

Do you know
where I can find him?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him
in years.

Were you married to him
when he had his accident?

We were married, but...

Well, we weren't
living together.
Things weren't working out.

Nino became almost
schizoid at times.

Schizoid?
Yes.

Half scientist,
half fashion designer.

He developed
an insatiable desire

to know everything
about my work in design.

And then came Norman.

Norman?

I took
an out-of-work scientist
and made him a partner.

And what did it get me?

Permathin and Norman.

Who's Permathin?

It's a fabric.

Is that like
a plum paisley?

It could be produced
as plum paisley.

It could be plaid.
It could be plain.

In other words,
it could be anything that
starts with a "P," right?

Right.
If you invested in it,
it could make you poor.

It was prohibitive
to produce.

And who is Norman?

Norman Saint Sauvage.

But I never did meet him.

Norman...

How do you spell
that last name?

S-A-l-N-T.

That's Saint.

It's pronounced "San."

Of course.

Well, that's what Seigle
was trying to tell us

when he hummed
When the Saints
Come Marching In

Norman Saint Sauvage.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

AGENT 34: Open up, 86.

It's KAOS.

(SHUSHING) The avalanche.
Where are they?

They're on a snowmobile.
There's two of them.

KAOS knows every move
I'm making.

There must be
a double agent
on our team.

We've got to
get out of here.
Is there a back door?

Through the kitchen.

All right,
you two stay here

and I'll take care
of them outside.

All right,
nobody move.

All right, gentlemen,
that's it.

This ridiculous
little game
is over with.

I advise you to
drop your guns and
put up your hands.

Why?

Because at this
very minute, my friend,

this chalet is being
completely surrounded
by 500 Alpine crack troops.

I find that
hard to believe.

Would you believe
150 Tyrolean
ski troopers?

No, we wouldn't.

How about two
St. Bernards in heat?

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

You all right?

Yeah.

(PHONE RINGING)

(ON ANSWERING MACHINE)
This is Maxwell Smart

I'm sorry I can't speak
to you at the moment

But at the sound
of the beep,

you'll leave your name,
number and the approximate
time you called

I shall return your call
as soon as possible

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

I can't believe this.

What is it?

Something's goofy.

This morning we ran
a profile on Saint Sauvage
and found nothing,

and now suddenly,
we've got something.

MAXWELL: I find that
very difficult to believe.

Yesterday,
nothing on Saint Sauvage,

today, the computer
has the whole story.

There's something
very strange
going on around here.

What happened, Doc?

Somebody screwed around
with the computer.

JERRY: Or there's been
an unprecedented malfunction,

which led to
an egregious
miscalculation of...

Forget it!

I'll check out
the circuitry.

"Norman Saint Sauvage,
Boulder, Colorado,
age 43, height 6'2".

"Profession,
fashion coordinator."

That certainly ties
in with the design
and textile business.

Sauvage lived
in New York
in 1975 and '76.

Didn't Edith Von Secondberg
say that that's where
Sebastiani and Sauvage met?

MAXWELL: Yes.

LARABEE: Looks like
Sauvage is our man.

AGENT 22: I don't think
we have any options, 86,

we'll have to
fly to Boulder.

86, don't you think
it's advisable to take
the whole PITS team?

If it turns out
that Sauvage is
the Nude Bomber,

you're gonna need
their expertise and skills.

Good idea, Chief.

13?

Hi, Max.

Did you give it
the once over?
Twice.

Somebody had good reason
for getting you
on this plane.

Left you a little
going-away present.

A going-away bomb.

It's set for 5,000 feet
and bon voyage

Well, that clinches it.

Whoever doesn't show up
for this flight
is the double agent.

Who do you
think that is?

MAN: Girls don't
understand baseball.

I'll tell you
at checkpoint seven.

Okay.

Well, who do
you suspect?

Agent 36.

36? How do you figure?

It's really quite
simple, 13.

She knew about Seigle,
she knew
about Dolly Winston

and she knew about
the Von Secondberg trip.

I'm sorry to say this,
but Agent 36
is the double agent.

Hi, I came early
to set up my equipment.

On the other hand,
it could be the Krovneys.

Those two innocent teenagers
are vicious KAOS killers.

Hello, 36.

Pam, do you have
the file diskettes
load FCRTF?

It could be Carruthers.

86, it's Carruthers.

Are you gonna be
in there long?

I'll be right out,
Carruthers.

How about Larabee?

He knew every move
you were about to make, too.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Max, come on out!
Give Carruthers a break,
it's an emergency.

Well, 13, that takes care
of about everybody on board.

With one exception.

Yes, Agent 22.

I can't believe it.
I don't wanna believe it.

There's nothing else I can do.
She's the only one left, 13.

I like her.

Well, 13, there's no room
for sentimentality
in this business.

Oh, I'm sorry
about that, 13.

AGENT 13: (GARGLING)
Oh, that's all right.

(PLANE ENGINE STARTING)

22 is not on board.

Well, I'll tell you
why she's not on board.

It's something
I've suspected
for a long time.

What's the factual data, 86?

22 is...
Sorry, I'm late.

Always sorry
she's late.

Boy, am I glad
to see you, twenty...

Oh, there you are.

I'm glad to see you, 22.

Let's take off, Max.

No, Larabee,
this flight is canceled.

(PHONE RINGING)

Coming.

Hello.
AGENT 22: Hello, Max

Oh, it's you, 22, good.
Anything yet?

Well, we're working on it

Well, did you seal
the airports
and the Amtrak?

We worked around that, too
Good.

Well, any news yet?
No.

I'm waiting word
from the President.

Okay
Well, you can
call me here, 22.

From here on in,
I'll be working out
of the apartment.

Gotcha

CHIEF:
Not for long, Max.

I underestimated
you, Max.

When did you first
get suspicious?

It really wasn't
that difficult
to figure out.

You knew about Seigle,
you knew about Dolly,

and you knew about
the Von Secondberg trip.

But the real clincher

was when you sent me
to fly the unfriendly
skies of KAOS.

It's been nice working
with you, 86.

Where would you like it?

How about Cincinnati?

Very funny.
Goodbye, Max!

MAXWELL:
Watch out, Larabee,
it's not the Chief.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(SHOUTING)

May I see your
license, please?

Now, look, Officer...
Is this your desk?

Yes, it is my desk.

Sixty miles an hour
is pretty fast
for a desk, isn't it?

It is?
Yep.

Look, Officer,
I'm a government agent.
I'm after a defector.

(CARS HONKING)

MAN: Hey, man, where did
you get your license?

Hey, you!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

(SCREAMS)

Don't let go, please!

I won't if you tell me
where I can find Sebastiani
and Saint Sauvage.

I don't know!

And I don't know
how much longer
I can hold onto you.

The Pocono Mountains.
Mount Thimble.

But don't tell them
I told you.
They'll destroy me.

Don't worry,
I won't tell them.

Can I have your word
on that?

You've got...

(SCREAMING)

Sorry about that, Chief.

NINO: The President
has requested
more time from the UN

They are going
to give it to him

And that's dangerous
for us.

Smart knows too much.

Why all this
stupid waiting?
Let's drop the bombs!

That suits your purpose,
but not mine.

Get it out of your head,
once and for all.

We are not turning
the world nude

so you can dress them
in your Norman
Saint Sauvage look.

I'm in this for money,
not applause.

(GRUNTS)

You're jealous of me.

Jealous?

Of you?

And you're beginning
to exhaust my patience.

I am beginning to
exhaust your patience?

Who do you think
you are?

If it weren't for me,
you wouldn't be
sitting behind that desk.

You wouldn't exist!

Oh, but I do exist.

As for you,
that's no longer true.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(THUDS)

(NINO SCREAMS)

(INTERCOM BEEPS)

How long will it take you
to have the bombs
prepared for launching?

WOMAN:
All the bombs, sir?

Yes, all the bombs.

Countdown for total launch
is two hours

Good.

Start your countdown
procedures immediately.

(INTERCOM BEEPS)

(INAUDIBLE)

We've landed
totally undetected,

thanks to my genius
in creating the
noiseless Shushcopter.

Look, there it is.

That's the second biggest
zipper I ever saw.

(ENTRANCE UNZIPPING)

It's unzipping.

Don't look, 22.
Why?

No telling what's liable
to come out of that thing.

It's a magenta alert.
We launch the bombs
in 15 minutes.

15 minutes?

Carruthers,
radio our position
to PITS Central.

Tell them to send in
the task force

and to have them
get here
faster than possible.

All right, 22,

we've got to invade
that zipper before
the mountain's fly closes.

Come on.

(WATER DRIPPING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

All right, all right,
no need
for any rough stuff!

It's the Chief!
How can that be?

When they pulled him
from the manure truck,
he had two broken legs!

He's in
a Washington hospital
under heavy guard.

22, there's something
very strange
going on around here.

Which way
should we go?

I don't know,
but we can't afford
to get lost.

This place is full of
labyrinths and they all
look exactly alike.

You're right.
Of course I'm right.

Why, I once knew an agent

who went into
the Pentagon Building
in Washington

and was lost
for three days.

Three days?
I can't believe anybody
could get that confused.

Well, let me see.

I went in on a Tuesday
and I came out on a Fri...

Max, I don't
understand it.

If the Chief
is working
with Sauvage,

then why is he
a prisoner?

I don't know, 22,
the whole thing
is crazy,

but there must be
some explanation.

Indeed there is.

Please come in.

Well, thank you very much,
but we were just leaving.

GUARD:
We'll take those guns.

You want to stay
for a little while?

I don't care,
it's up to you.

Please, come in, Mr. Smart,
make yourself comfortable.

We're in trouble.
What'll we do?

Stall.

Sit down, please.

Thank you.

Well, this is certainly
a very pleasant
and unexpected surprise.

I'm sure there is
a good reason

why you have invaded
my mountain.

Okay, let's hear it.

(CHUCKLES)

You're indeed
an incredible man.

Here you are,
completely in my power

and yet you manage to keep
your sense of humor.

All right, Sauvage,
let's cut out
all the small talk.

I'm here
to make you a deal.

Give up this mad scheme,
turn over
the Nude Bombs to me,

disband KAOS,
make a public apology,

and I will see
to it personally

that you are executed
immediately

to avoid a long stay
in a dirty,
filthy jail cell.

Well, that's my deal.
What do you say?

Well, what's your answer?
I'm waiting.

You won't have to wait
too long, Mr. Smart.

In five minutes,
I will release the Nude Bomb

and rid the Earth
of all its unsightly,
gauche fabric.

And then I,
being the only
source of clothing,

become master of
a shivering, groveling,
naked mass of humanity!

Thereby gaining
absolute control

of every living man,
woman and child
on this Earth!

Well, that's a very
pretty speech, Sauvage.

But it has one
great flaw in it.

What's that?
Yeah, what's that?

Yes, well,
I'm not quite sure,

but if you would
run through it
one more time,

I think I could spot it.

You're a strange man,
Mr. Smart.

I'm strange?

Listen, fellow,
anyone that runs around with
panty hose over their head

and tries to make
the whole world nude,
that's strange!

Let's face it, Sauvage,
you're not
playing with a full deck.

Your bogus ingenuousness
is straining my equanimity.

Could you put
that another way?

You're pissing me off.

Yes, well, there's no need
to get hostile
about it, Norman.

May I call you Norman?
No, you may not.

No, I may not.
Norm?

Mmm-mmm.

Normy?

(GUNS COCKING)

Yes, well,
perhaps you're right.

Familiarity does
breed contempt.

Well, Mr. Saint Sauvage, sir,

let's look
at a couple of facts.

Let's.

Supposing you do
get four billion

shivering, groveling,
bare-assed subjects.

A fashion plate
like yourself would wanna
design clothes for them

so that it would reflect
your own good taste.

Let's face it,
my friend,

good help nowadays
is hard to find.

I've taken that
into consideration.

Madame Rose?

There is my answer.

Madame Rose.
The world's greatest
seamstress.

She's going to make
clothes for
four billion people?

Boy, is she in
for a lot
of overtime.

Madame Rose,
pass through
the Clonatorium.

Instant cloning?

Yes.

When I need them,
there will be
a room full of Roses.

That's fantastic.

One goes in,
two comes out.

I got to get one
of those machines.

I wonder what
they go for.

De-clone yourself.

Thank you,
Madame Rose.

Now it's time
for you to witness history
in the making.

I'm going to set off
the Nude Bomb

and introduce to the world
Norman Saint Sauvage.

There is no
Norman Saint Sauvage.

What?

This isn't
Norman Saint Sauvage.

This is
Nino Salvatori Sebastiani!

Release him.
Stand back.

You're very clever,
Mr. Smart.

And you are
very careless.

You yourself gave me
the answer.

Your vanity led you
to demonstrate
the cloning machine.

And then it came
to me in a flash.

The Chief was
captured, cloned,

and returned to PITS
as a double KAOS agent.

After that,
it was fairly simple.

If Nino could clone the Chief,
then he could clone himself,

and that's exactly
what he did.

And after cloning himself
and creating you,
Mr. Norman Saint Sauvage,

that's when the explosion
in the laboratory took place,

leaving the original
Sebastiani with a squint,
a gimp and a limp.

Well, Mr. Norman
Saint Sauvage,
I wouldn't be too smug,

because to use the terms
of your own trade,

you're nothing but
a knockoff, a cheap copy.

Where is the original
Sebastiani?

(CHUCKLES) Dead.

You killed him!

I merely discarded
an imperfect mold
and preserved the product.

Its first and finest
masterpiece.

Well, Mr. Smart, evidently
I underestimated you.

You're not a complete fool,
after all.

Almost. Very close,
but not complete.

Unfortunately,
your luck has run out.

It's a pity
that one so young
and pretty must die.

Well, thank you, Sauvage,
but I'm not afraid to die.

Max, I think
he means me.

Oh!

The girl has a choice.

She may die with you
or stay with me
and join KAOS.

Well, what do
you think, 22?
Max!

There can only be
one answer to
a question like that.

There can only be
one answer to a question
like that, Sauvage!

What is that answer, 22?

Max, I'm staying
with you.

That's the answer
to a question like that.

Too bad.

If you'll excuse me
for one minute,

I'm now going to
fire my missiles.

MAN 1: Initiate
all pre-launch programs.

WOMAN 1:
Prepare phase one.

MAN 2: All crew, ready areas.
Let's hustle it up, men.

WOMAN 2:
Code blue, code blue.

(CHATTERING)

Prepare for launch.

Go to your
underground shelters.

You stay here.

(BEEPING)

They're on their way,
Mr. Smart.

In four minutes,

these missiles
will reach their destination
and strike the world nude.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Now, Mr. Smart,

I have one last delightful
launch to perform.

Yours.

(MAN SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(NINO SCREAMING)

Sorry about that,

Normy.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(ALARM SOUNDING)

(GASPS)

Max!

22, are you all right?

My legs are numb.

Well, don't worry, 22.

I'll have you out of here
in no time.

Put your arms
around my neck.

Atta girl.

(GRUNTING)

Jesus!

(GRUNTS)

What are you
doing, Max?

The Fireman's Carry.

22, where are you?

I'm over here.
Oh.

Max, I'm starting to get
some feeling down there.

We've got no time
for that, 22.

No, I mean my legs!

If I let you up,
will you walk?

If you let me up,
I will dance.

(EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE)

Chief!
Are you all right,
Chief?

I'm fine.
What about you two?

MAXWELL: We're okay.
How did you get loose?

Well, my guards
deserted the mountain.
Where's Sauvage?

He got hung up.

Max, this mountain is
gonna blow up any second!

MAXWELL: Let's go!

(RUMBLING)

Mission's over, Max.

Listen, there may be
some fallout
from that Nude Bomb.

We better
get out of here.

MAXWELL:
Don't be ridiculous, Chief.

There is no fallout
from a Nude Bomb.

Fallout from a Nude...

WOMAN: (SINGING)
You're always there
when I need you

I can count on you all right

If the world would end
I'd just call you

And you'd fix it overnight

If I wanted the sun
I bet you

Would deliver it to me

You're always there
when I need you

And I need you constantly

These are dangerous days
we're living in

And many times
I feel like giving in

But I never, never do

Instead, I turn to you

You're too smart to be true

You're always there
when I need you

Heaven must have sent you here

It's a miracle somehow

You make disasters disappear

You make everything
I'm feeling

There is nothing you won't try

You're always there
when I need you

And I'll need you till I die

I'm gonna need you, baby

You're always there
when I need you

I can count on you all right

If the world would end
I'd just call you

And you'd fix it overnight

If you wanted the sun
I bet you

Would deliver it to me

You're always there
when I need you

And I need you constantly

Don't you know
I need you, baby

CHORUS: Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm gonna need you, baby

Gonna need you, baby

{{}}