Original subtitles

JOANNA: Oh, my God, I'm so full.

Why do you think you need smores when you're camping?

Mm, I don't think sleeping on a football field

can be considered camping.

Heh, come on, Senior Sleepover has been pretty awesome so far.

Yeah...

except this stupid sprinkler jabbing me in my back.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, have you decided yet?

[SIGHS] No, I'm still deciding

between UCLA and Brown.

Seriously, you should go to UCLA with us.

[CHUCKLES]

You and Lisa are teaming up on me, aren't you?

Well, for good reason.

I mean, look, all our friends'll be there,

and we'll still be close to home.

It'll be just like high school.

I mean, except less classes.

And more parties.

[LAUGHS]

Ah, I don't know, I just--

I always thought of UCLA as my backup school.

Like, if I start at Brown, and I don't like it,

I can always transfer to UCLA, you know?

[♪♪♪]

I wish you would've applied to Brown.

Yeah, I just didn't want to risk it.

Hi.

Hi.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[LAUGHTER]

[♪♪♪]

PETER: Okay, time to get up.

Okay. Mm!

Coffee?

Yeah, I'll take the whole pot.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, that was a cool wedding.

The food was great,

company was good.

I'm so happy for Lisa and Ryan.

Oh, we should get them something.

Yeah, I was planning on it.

Oh, hey, you wanna do a late check out?

Hang for a bit?

You wanna stay?

Yeah, while we're here.

Ugh, this thing's not working.

Oh, I'll go to the hotel cafe.

Almond milk and two sugars?

Wow, that is my coffee order.

Oh, missed call from Lisa.

I'll call her while you're gone.

You gonna tell her?

Um, about this?

Maybe.

Heh, okay, you know that women

literally tell each other everything?

Like, she texted me the other day

when she was thinking about eating an orange.

You gonna tell Mark?

If it comes up.

You know, dudes keep it close to the vest.

Dude!

Oh, you drawing out that dude

can only mean one thing.

My plan worked. You hooked up, you little dirty dog.

Mm, it wasn't your plan, but I did have an incredible night.

Ah. So who was it? Bridesmaid?

Maid of Honor? Bride's mom?

Grandma? I'll keep going.

My best friend.

Wait, I-- I wasn't there.

Wait. You hooked up with Joanna!

Wait, I'm not your best friend?

It was amazing.

I mean, after all these years...

Everything was perfect.

Heh. Well, look, I'm happy for you,

but are you sure it isn't just, you know, wedding goggles?

I know, people hook up at weddings all the time,

but that's not what that was.

You know, and Joanna's not some wedding rando.

This is real.

Wow, there are a million guys

saying the exact same thing at your hotel right now.

Look, just, just be careful.

I think we're good.

Okay, real quick. Am I really not your best friend?

LISA [ON PHONE]: What happened last night? You disappeared.

Um, Peter and I...

Oh, my God, you told him?

No. Um, but...

we actually hooked up last night.

What? Heh, oh, my God!

Oh, this is so exciting. It's more exciting than my baby.

Our baby.

What happened? How was it?

It was good.

Really, really good, actually.

Oh, I knew it.

You can't dance that well and not know what you're doing.

Mm. Mm-mm.

Don't gimme that.

I have 18 years of commitment in my uterus.

Lisa, I'm kind of freaking out right now.

Well, yeah, you just slept with your best friend, so...

Yeah, it's just-- We went from zero to sixty so fast, you know.

Says the girl that made a marriage pact

with her best friend.

Okay, well, it's a lot easier to talk about giving it a shot

in five months versus, I don't know,

waking up next each other five hours later.

Isn't that a good thing?

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

What happened to discovering you wanted to marry him?

When did you know you wanted to marry Ryan?

Were you always sure?

I knew it when I met him.

It never changed.

Okay, well, I met Peter when I was like 12,

okay, so it's a lot different for us.

Yeah, that's-- That's very different.

I just-- I'm a little overwhelmed right now.

You know, it's like, I know I said I could marry him,

but I don't know if I want to date him.

You know, does that make sense? I don't know.

Just... Maybe I just need some space to decompress.

Yeah, you just gotta get out of there.

You still have the wedding fairy dust on you.

Okay, I was just saying the same thing.

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH EXHALE]

I'm gonna miss this.

What are you talking about?

Lisa texted, she said that she wants us

to get together with her and Ryan this afternoon.

She's never approved of any of my boyfriends,

so sadly, this was probably goodbye sex for us.

What? Uh, first of all,

I don't think you set the bar very high

with the ex-boyfriend of yours, Edmundo.

Okay, he didn't technically steal my furniture,

he just was borrowing it in a prolonged way.

Regardless, I could bring home

the love child of Brad Pitt and Mother Teresa,

and Lisa would still find something wrong with him.

Wow, Pitt and Teresa, I would love to sit down

and have a cup of coffee with that kid.

I'm serious!

Nobody gets past my sister.

Oh. Well, that sounds like a challenge.

Well, it's not.

Well, it definitely sounds like one.

Well, I can-- I guess I--

I can see how somebody could interpret it that way.

Look, you tell Lisa that I'm ready.

You tell her I'm not gonna back down,

and you tell her that I've been waiting

for this moment my entire life.

Or I could just tell her

that we're on for this afternoon.

Or you could just tell her we're on

for this afternoon, that works too, yeah.

But seriously, be forewarned,

if she doesn't like you,

I just, I don't see how this is gonna work.

I'm like, okay, can you just like relax?

She's gonna like me. Have you seen me?

I am a Mark amongst men.

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

Wow, that was poetic.

Mm-mm.

Remind me to put that in my Twitter bio.

No.

Yep.

Hey, I thought we were staying.

I got a late check out.

I just wanna get back on the road, you know?

Oh. Okay.

Yeah.

Here.

Oh.

Thank you.

Mm-hm.

Oh. Careful, morning breath.

Right.

Hey, don't forget your suit in the closet.

Okay.

PETER: You really want to get out of here quickly, huh?

JOANNA [GASPS]: Oh, I just, uh,

I wanna get home, you know?

Weddings really take it out of you.

Hey, are you cool with what happened last night?

Yes, absolutely.

It's just so new, you know?

New... good?

Hey, Peter,

I like you, okay.

I'm glad we're doing this.

I just, heh, feel like we skipped a couple steps.

Heh, you think?

I mean...

our story right now is,

we met in high school,

and we made a pact to get married,

don't talk for 12 years, reunite,

date other people,

and then hook up at a wedding.

Heh, yeah, don't forget

the awkward walk to the car afterwards.

I don't know, I just, like I wish

that it had happened differently, you know?

I wish you'd asked me out,

or I don't-- I don't know.

Hey, I have an idea.

Let's just rewrite our story.

Will you go on a date with me?

When?

How about now?

I would like that.

[♪♪♪]

PETER: Hey, why don't we check out that trail?

Here?

Yeah. I Yelped this,

and the review said this is a perfect first date.

So...

So...

[LAUGHS]

I guess this is a first date,

so, um, nice to meet you, Peter.

Well, nice to meet you too.

You know what, I gotta say, I was a little nervous

that you weren't gonna look like your profile pic,

but you look even better in person.

You know, I'm pretty glad that you didn't turn out

to be a serial killer.

But the date's not over yet, so...

That's right.

You know, it is so scary dating strangers?

Yeah, I guess it's kind of intense.

Yeah. Heh, did I tell you about the guy

that invited me to a gathering of the Juggalos?

What? Really?

Yeah. Yeah, but...

Oh, did I ever tell you

that on my first date with Sarah,

I almost bailed?

Really?

Yeah, yeah. She came in

right after the hospital,

and she was lookin' all...

Wait, maybe we shouldn't

talk about other people on our first date?

Uh, yeah,

it's kind of a red flag on a first date,

talking about exes?

Yeah, I'm just so used to us

being able to talk about anything,

but now that we're...

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

I mean, we could still talk about anything,

we just--

Yeah, totally.

[BOTH NERVOUSLY LAUGH]

[JOANNA SIGHS]

Okay, so how about you tell me

something I don't know about you.

Um, all right.

Well, you didn't really know me during my Thailand party phase.

Oh, really?

Heh, yeah.

Well, tell me how that was.

Ah, probably my wildest night out there,

I was out dancing till sunrise,

I think I was rolling for like 10 hours straight.

Rolling, like molly?

Yeah.

Huh, red flag?

Look, it's not like it's something I did regularly.

No, it's cool, I...

just didn't take you as the type of person--

The type of person who what?

I didn't mean it...

Yeah, maybe we should just talk about something different. Ahem.

Sorry, I-- This is coming out wrong.

Hey, you wanna take a walk?

[STRESSED] Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

LISA: So Mark, what do you do?

Nothing.

I was lucky enough to sell my last business,

and now I'm living off that money.

God! That's the dream, right?

Heh. Is it the dream to be unemployed

and slowly watch your money drain away?

Yeah.

As a small business owner,

I understand Mark's struggle. Boom or bust, right?

Exactly. Let me tell you about my latest business venture.

Mark, no.

Mark, yes.

Okay, you ready for this?

I'm ready.

I created this app for creating memes.

I called it What Do You Meme ?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, that's hilarious.

You like that?

I love that.

You liked what? You hate puns.

Last week, you angrily cursed that soup and salad place,

Lettuce Souprise You.

Those bastards try way too hard.

Uh, I'd like to propose a toast.

[SIGHS]

To birth...

The birth of this...

beautiful...

cha-- chacur-- Shakira plate.

It's charcuterie.

To the birth of friendship.

And most of all,

to the birth of your child,

a future king or queen,

who will surely unite the people,

and protect our realm as we know it.

That's so beautiful.

Cheers.

Cheers to you.

Cheers.

[RYAN CHUCKLES]

Cheers.

[QUIET] Nice one.

He's a keeper.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, so...

Tell me something I don't know about Peter Ma.

What'd you do after college?

I started working for my parents.

That's it?

You just graduated, and the next day

you're punching the clock?

Well...

basically.

I mean-- I mean, I got a degree in business,

and then my mom had hurt her knee,

and they needed my help.

I did almost help start Massive Supply.

What? Massive Supply, like the accessories brand?

Yep.

But they're huge!

Yeah. Uh, a college buddy of mine, Josh,

was one of the guys that started it.

And he was looking to hire a business development guy,

but... I wasn't sure if I was qualified.

Plus, with everything going on at home,

it just didn't feel right.

Did you ever think about reaching back out to him?

Funny thing is, I, uh, spoke to Josh

a few weeks ago, and you know,

he mentioned that there was a few positions opening up.

Peter! You should go for it!

Yeah, but it's in San Francisco.

Heh. What, are you just gonna

live in your hometown and work for your parents

the rest of your life?

You make that sound like it's a bad thing.

I didn't mean it that way, okay?

Just, you know, take a chance.

I lived in Singapore. It was a blast.

Yeah, but you were younger then,

and it's different when it's 30.

No, it's not.

Joanna, my whole life

would flip upside down.

I mean, I have responsibilities here

with my parents and the business,

and then what if it doesn't work out?

You know, then I would've given everything up,

and come back as a failure.

That's what I did.

I don't feel like a failure.

You think I'm a failure?

I wasn't saying that.

I just mean...

it wasn't right for me.

Well, to me, it sounds like

you're just scared.

You don't understand.

[SIGHS]

You know, maybe I don't.

We should probably just get back to the car.

What the hell was that?

What do you mean? Or should I say...

Don't--

♪ What do you meme? ♪

♪ Oh-ooh-oh-oh ♪

I liked him! I thought he was amazing!

Seriously?

Yeah.

He talked about himself the entire time.

He made a cheesy toast.

He wears Axe body spray-- on purpose.

You hate all of those things.

I liked the toast.

You once dismissed a guy

because he had an outie belly button.

Those sick people with outies

should have their own dating website.

I've honestly been anxious all day

just anticipating how you're going to criticize Mark

and how you're going to end our relationship,

because you always do that.

Why aren't you doing that?

Chloe, because I see the way he looks at you.

Plus, I can tell you really like him.

How?

Instagram.

You're on Instagram?

Super secret account.

[SCOFFS]

This is the first time

in history that you have more pictures with a guy

than you do of your breakfast, okay?

Oh, and I love that picture of you guys at the aquarium.

The aquarium? That's a deep dive.

Throw a girl a like next time.

Chloe, I know you value my approval.

And you have it.

Just don't mess this up, okay? He cares enough

about you to give a cheesy toast

to your future nephew and niece,

which he clearly ripped off from Game of Thrones.

Plus, I don't want you swiping right when you're

holding my baby.

Oh, I'm not going to.

I'm going to be like an awesome aunt.

I'm gonna give all the hard-hitting advice

that a kid can't get from their lame mom.

I'm not gonna be a lame mom.

I'm gonna be a cool mom.

Okay, well, the first rule of being a cool mom

is that you don't say that you're a cool mom.

Okay, duly noted.

We're having a moment.

We are.

Let's take a sister selfie.

Okay, for my secret account.

Yeah, okay.

One, two, three.

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

How do you pose so nicely?

You just have to pretend

like something smells bad, but you're still hot.

What?

[♪♪♪]

Thanks.

I may have said some things that came out wrong today.

It's okay, I mean, I feel like we both

were pretty tired from the wedding, you know?

Yeah,

that's probably it.

But hey,

nice to meet you today.

Right, yes.

Um, first date thing.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

[♪♪♪]

It was a pleasure meeting you, Lisa.

Yeah, you too.

All right. Heh.

Didn't know hugs were an option.

LISA: Okay, let's go.

RYAN: Okay.

CHLOE: Bye.

RYAN: See ya, Chloe.

CHLOE: Bye, you guys.

RYAN: All right, bye, guys.

CHLOE: Drive safe.

RYAN: Look me up.

MARK: Yeah. Heh.

So did I kill it, or what?

You killed it!

Lisa said that you have

her stamp of approval.

What?

Okay, wait, so what does that mean?

That I'm part of the family now?

Oh, my God, no. It just means

that you're my boyfriend.

Your boyfriend?

Mm-hm.

Huh.

Cool.

[LAUGHS]

I'd like to make a toast.

No, no more toasts.

Nope.

Okay, what--

Mm, I can get into that.

[SPORTS PLAYING INDISTINCTLY ON TELEVISION]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[NOTIFICATION CHIMES]

[KNOCKS ON GLASS DOOR]

Hi.

Hi.

I had a bad day, and I just wanted

to talk to my best friend, is that okay?

[♪♪♪]

So I, um,

went on a date today

with this guy.

Uh-huh...

And I really like him.

That's good.

Yeah, but...

we've known each other for a really long time,

so going on an actual date together

is kind of different.

Do you want to stay friends with this guy?

I think that I want to be more than friends,

but it's also weird.

Ugh, Peter,

the day after we sleep together,

we have one of the worst days of our friendship?

We have never treated each other like we did today.

Red flags ?

You're my oldest friend, you're not some guy

on Tinder I'm supposed to judge in two seconds.

Look, I know I wasn't

the best version of myself today.

I wasn't either, and I really, really wanted to be.

Then what happened?

I think we were just trying too hard.

You know, we forgot what makes us work.

I mean, it's--

It's this, you know.

It's...

It's hanging out, and...

having milkshakes, and...

talking about my day with my best friend.

[♪♪♪]

That felt better.

What is it?

What about the pact?

I don't know.

Can we just not worry about that right now?

Sure.

[♪♪♪]