All language subtitles for Review s01e07_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,813 - LIFE-- IT'S LITERALLY ALL WE HAVE. 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,214 BUT IS IT ANY GOOD? 3 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,346 I'M A REVIEWER, BUT I DON'T REVIEW 4 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,722 FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES. 5 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,019 I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF. 6 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,152 VIVA LA REVOLUCION! 7 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,618 [people cheering] 8 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,364 [screams] 9 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,541 WELCOME TO REVIEW. I'M FORREST MACNEIL. 10 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:39,009 I RATE LIFE EXPERIENCES ON A SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE STARS 11 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,869 ON TELEVISION FOR A LIVING. 12 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:41,878 AND THIS IS A.J. GIBBS. 13 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,709 SHE HELPS ME. - I DO. 14 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:44,954 - [laughs] LET'S FIND OUT WHAT 15 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,248 THAT FIRST REVIEW IS FOR TODAY. - OKAY. 16 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,520 - SHALL WE? 17 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,248 - THIS ONE COMES TO US FROM TYLER 18 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,293 IN GREAT FALLS, MONTANA. 19 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,389 - COUPLE GUYS FROM WEST HIGH JUMPED OUR QUARTERBACK, 20 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,961 AND WE'RE THINKING ABOUT GOING OVER THERE TO [bleep] THEM UP. 21 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,459 WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON REVENGE? 22 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,361 - OH, MY. REVENGE. 23 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,303 WHAT IS IT LIKE TO SETTLE A SCORE? 24 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,670 I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT. 25 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:07,968 I BEGAN THIS EXPERIENCE BY LOOKING BACK THROUGH MY LIFE 26 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,671 FOR A TIME WHEN I FELT PERSONALLY WRONGED BY SOMEONE 27 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,144 I COULD NOW TAKE REVENGE ON. 28 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,943 OH, TIM. OH, I THINK HE DIED. 29 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,435 THEN, IT HIT ME. 30 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,147 THIS IS MY SEVENTH GRADE YEARBOOK. 31 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,520 THIS PROMISING YOUNG MAN HERE IS A YOUNG FORREST MACNEIL. 32 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:25,350 AND THAT RIGHT THERE IS THE LOVELY MISS JENNA MITCHELL. 33 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,856 NOW, THAT YEAR I HAD FINALLY SCREWED UP THE COURAGE 34 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,318 TO ASK JENNA MITCHELL TO THE WINTER DANCE. 35 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:33,158 AND WHILE SHE WAS TAKING A COMPLETELY REASONABLE 24 HOURS 36 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,364 TO CONSIDER MY INVITATION, 37 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,796 THIS YOUNG MAN ENTERED THE STORY. 38 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,531 RANDY ROMER. 39 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,867 HE SPREAD A RUMOR THAT THE REASON I HAD CHANGED INTO SHORTS 40 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,843 FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THE SCHOOL DAY WAS THAT 41 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,712 I HAD DEFECATED IN MY CORDUROY PANTS. 42 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,511 THAT WAS A LIE. 43 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:53,253 BUT IT JUST COLORFUL ENOUGH TO CAPTURE THE POPULAR IMAGINATION, 44 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:57,821 AND JENNA MITCHELL DID NOT GO WITH ME TO THAT DANCE. 45 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,921 I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO GET BACK AT RANDY FOR THAT. 46 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,824 BUT I THINK THE TIME HAS COME. 47 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,987 THANKS TO THE INTERNET, IT TOOK MY ASSISTANT, LUCILLE, LESS TIME 48 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,897 TO DETERMINE THAT RANDY ROMER IS CURRENTLY AN ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR 49 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,200 OF CLASSICS AT A NEARBY COMMUNITY COLLEGE 50 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,570 THAN IT DID TO SAY THIS SENTENCE. 51 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,271 WOW. 52 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:18,943 - DANTE PEOPLED HIS VISION OF HELL WITH HIS ENEMIES. 53 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,582 - I DECIDED TO PULL A PRANK THAT WOULD REQUIRE 54 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:24,349 A MASTERFULLY SUBTLE AND CONVINCING PERFORMANCE. 55 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,278 [Italian accent] EXCUSE ME. 56 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:29,754 IS THIS THE CLASSROOM OF PROFESSORE ROMER? 57 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,923 - UH, YES. CAN I HELP YOU? 58 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,492 - YES, I'M FROM MORETTI'S DRY CLEANING, 59 00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,662 AND I'M HERE TO DROP OFF YOUR UNDERWEARS. 60 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,629 [laughter] - I'M SORRY. 61 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,458 YOU'RE IN THE WRONG CLASSROOM. PLEASE TRY THE BURSAR'S OFFICE. 62 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,834 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, PROFESSORE. 63 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,532 I'M IN THE RIGHT CLASSROOM. 64 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,974 YOU REMEMBER, YOU DROP OFF A PAIR OF UNDERWEARS WITH US 65 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,840 THAT HAD THE BIGGEST POOP STAIN ON 'EM ANYBODY EVER SAW. 66 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,311 [laughter] - OKAY, NOW, LOOK. 67 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,870 THIS IS OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF A PRANK. 68 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,307 - OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S WHAT WE SAID 69 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,253 WHEN WE HAD A LOOK AT THESE UNDERWEARS. 70 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,675 WE SAID, "SOMEBODY'S TRYING TO HAVE SOME KIND OF A PRANK." 71 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,083 BUT IT WAS THE TRUTH. 72 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,024 - AND--AND IT'S A STUPID PRANK TOO. 73 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,250 WHAT KIND OF DRY CLEANER WOULD HAND-DELIVER 74 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:08,263 A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR TO MY WORKPLACE, HUH? 75 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,386 - WELL, THAT'S--YES. THAT'S A--THAT'S A GOOD POINT. 76 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,764 WHY WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT? 77 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,032 - YEAH. - WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHY? 78 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,960 I GOTTA LAY MY OWN EYES ON THE GUY 79 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,265 THAT MAKE THIS BIG POOP STAIN IN HIS UNDERWEARS. 80 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,465 [laughter] IT'S A BIG POOP STAIN. 81 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,699 - PUT THE PHONES DOWN. 82 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,804 - YOU MUST HAVE HAD TO WEAR THE SAME PAIR OF UNDERWEARS 83 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,466 FOR, LIKE, TWO WEEKS AND NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERWEARS 84 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,766 TO MAKE THE POOP. 85 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,277 WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, PROFESSOR ROMER? 86 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,936 - I'M GONNA CALL CAMPUS SECURITY, OKAY? 87 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,607 - THAT'S CRAZY. YOU'RE CRAZY, PROFESSOR ROMER. 88 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,105 - DON'T SAY THAT! - IT'S CRAZY! 89 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,776 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 90 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,145 - I'M NOT CRAZY! - HERE'S THE ONLY THING 91 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,923 THIS GUY CAN TEACH A CLASS ABOUT--POOP! 92 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,592 - GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! - IT'S THE ONLY THING 93 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,891 HE CAN TEACH A CLASS-- - LET'S GO! 94 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,292 - OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT. HEY, HEY, HEY. 95 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,085 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, RANDY. 96 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,927 FORREST MACNEIL. 97 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,602 PAYBACK'S A BITCH, ISN'T IT? - WHAT? 98 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,672 - ARRIVEDERCI! 99 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:57,941 [cheers and applause] 100 00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:01,411 - ALL RIGHT, FORREST. THAT LOOKED LIKE A LOT OF FUN. 101 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,012 - THAT CERTAINLY WAS A LOT OF FUN. 102 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,413 IT MAY SOUND SILLY, BUT GIVING RANDY ROMER BACK 103 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:08,546 EXACTLY WHAT HE GAVE ME WAS A REAL SELF-ESTEEM BOOSTER. 104 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,322 YOU KNOW, I CAN STAND UP A LITTLE TALLER NOW, 105 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:13,021 KNOWING THAT I AM NOT SOMEONE TO BE MESSED WITH. 106 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,593 SO I GIVE REVENGE THE FULL FIVE STARS. 107 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,733 AND REALLY WHAT--OH, MY-- - OH, MY GOD! 108 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,358 - WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? - WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 109 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:23,563 WHAT--WHAT IS THAT? - [speaks foreign language] 110 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,997 HUZZAH! HUZZAH! - YOU SON OF A BITCH! 111 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,033 - HUZZAH! - WHAT? WHAT IS IT? 112 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,367 - THAT IS [bleep]. - WHAT? 113 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,102 - THAT'S [bleep]. - OH, MY GOD! 114 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,707 - RANDY ROMER JUST WALKED IN HERE 115 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,369 AND THREW [bleep]... - OH, MY GOD! 116 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:36,007 - IN MY STUDIO AND ON A.J. [bleep] GIBBS! 117 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,613 OH, NO, YOU DON'T! - THERE'S [bleep] IN MY HAIR! 118 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,906 - THERE'S [bleep] ALL OVER YOU! 119 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,547 - OH, MY GOD! [screaming hysterically] 120 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,182 - ALL RIGHT. I AM COMING FOR YOU! 121 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:47,047 AND I'M BRINGING HELL WITH ME! - KILL HIM, FORREST! 122 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,717 YOU KILL HIM! 123 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,856 - DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 124 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,120 - INCREDIBLE. 125 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,358 - THAT IS NOT GONNA GO UNANSWERED. 126 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,763 NO, THANK YOU. WHERE IS HE? 127 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,704 - [cries] 128 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:58,769 - WHAT I DID TO ROMER WAS WELL WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF FAIR PLAY. 129 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,369 I WAS RIGHTING A WRONG. 130 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,541 BUT HIS LITTLE PRANK BACK THERE WAS OVER THE LINE. 131 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,640 I'M GONNA GET HIM BACK, AND IT'S GONNA BE GOOD. 132 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:05,812 HEY, LUCILLE. 133 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,709 I NEED GERMAN DIALECT TAPES 134 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,481 AND A PAIR OF LEDERHOSEN, PLEASE. 135 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,980 RANDY ROMER JUST THREW A BAG OF POOP ON ME. 136 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,782 - I'M MAKING POO! I'M MAKING POO! 137 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,845 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 138 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:19,393 - MAKING POO! - OH, GOD. 139 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,387 - I AM AN ANIMAL! 140 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,659 I AM ANIMAL! [cackles] 141 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,161 ANIMAL! 142 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,292 - WITNESSING RANDY RUNNING THROUGH THE OFFICE 143 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,825 WITH HIS PANTS DOWN BROUGHT BACK A SECOND, DEEPER MEMORY 144 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,674 THAT OCCURRED NOT LONG AFTER THE JENNA MITCHELL INCIDENT, 145 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,301 WHEN RANDY WAS CARRIED OUT OF SCHOOL NAKED 146 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,244 AND COMMITTED TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION 147 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:41,881 FOR FEEDING OUR CLASS GUINEA PIG TO HIS NEIGHBOR'S ROTTWEILER. 148 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,909 I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT. 149 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,621 - [clears throat] I HAVE DECIDED TO COME HERE 150 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,751 AND APOLOGIZE TO PROFESSOR ROMER 151 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,686 AND TO GIVE HIM THIS GIFT AS A PEACE OFFERING. 152 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,863 NOT TOTALLY SURE THAT THIS IS AN APPROPRIATE GIFT, 153 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,102 BUT I HOPE THAT HE ACCEPTS IT IN THE SPIRIT THAT IT WAS INTENDED. 154 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,529 HERE HE IS. OKAY. 155 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,436 PROFESSOR ROMER. - WHAT? 156 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,238 NOW YOU COME TO MY HOUSE... - OH-- 157 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,709 - WHERE MY FAMILY LIVES? - JUST RELAX. RELAX, OKAY? 158 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,939 - I HAVE FIVE KNIVES HIDDEN ON MY BODY! 159 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,214 - THERE WILL BE NO NEED FOR KNIFE PLAY TODAY. 160 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,712 I'M HERE TO APOLOGIZE. 161 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,854 I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I DID IN YOUR CLASSROOM. 162 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,110 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WAS TRYING TO GET BACK AT YOU 163 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,448 FOR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US 164 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,520 IN THE EIGHTH GRADE. - WHAT THING? 165 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,092 - IT WAS WITH JENNA MITCHELL... - JENNA MITCHELL. 166 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,519 - WHEN YOU TOLD HER THAT I HAD SOILED MY PANTS. 167 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,885 I SHOULD'VE LET IT GO A LONG TIME AGO. 168 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,092 - OH, GOD, I DID SO MANY THINGS BACK THEN. 169 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,894 I WAS A TROUBLED CHILD. - RIGHT. 170 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,256 LET'S END THIS IN FRIENDSHIP. - OKAY. 171 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,534 - I HAVE BROUGHT YOU A PEACE OFFERING. 172 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,573 LET US SHAKE HANDS LIKE GENTLEMEN. 173 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,098 AND THAT IS FOR YOU. - FOR ME? 174 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,872 - YES. UH-- 175 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,471 - YOU DO KNOW IF THIS IS [bleep], 176 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,800 I'M GONNA DECAPITATE YOU? 177 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:47,807 - [laughs] AND YOU WOULD BE RIGHT TO. 178 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,841 - OKAY. - UH... 179 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:57,547 - [laughs] - IT'S FUNNY, RIGHT? 180 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,815 - IT'S A T-- - OKAY. 181 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,522 - TOILET. HE'S ON THE TOILET. 182 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:01,994 - IT'S CALLED THE TOILET TREASURY, 183 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,492 AND IT'S JUST-- IT'S FULL OF STORIES 184 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,061 AND JOKES AND TRIVIA, JUST ALL ABOUT GOING 185 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,792 TO THE BATHROOM, AND-- LISTEN, IT'S NO DANTE. 186 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,997 - OH, IT'S BETTER THAN DANTE. [laughter] 187 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,359 - LET'S CATCH UP SOMETIME, 188 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,797 SHALL WE? - OH, I'D LIKE THAT. 189 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,172 - GOOD. YES. ALL RIGHT. 190 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,300 BE WELL, PROFESSORE. 191 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,004 [laughs] 192 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,666 [sighs] THAT WENT WELL. 193 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:22,376 YOU KNOW, IT OCCURS TO ME THAT ENDING A CYCLE OF REVENGE 194 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,179 TAKES QUITE A BIT MORE COURAGE THAN STARTING ONE. 195 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,682 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT FEELS BETTER. 196 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,145 OF COURSE, IT'S EXCITING TO BE AT WAR WITH--OH! 197 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,853 - WHAT IS THIS? - HOLY [bleep]. 198 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:33,846 - IT'S [bleep]! [screams] 199 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,187 - WHAT HAPPENED? 200 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,362 - WHOSE [bleep] IS IT? - OH, MY GOD. 201 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,889 OH, RANDY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 202 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,185 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CAR? - IS THIS YOUR [bleep]? 203 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,756 I'M GONNA KILL YOU! - OH, GOD. 204 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,704 - I'M GONNA KILL YOU! - WHAT? NO, NO, NO! 205 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,760 OH, NO. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS! 206 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,097 - I'M NOT READING YOUR BOOK NOW! 207 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,532 - I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! 208 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,544 LET'S GO! LET'S GO! [screams] 209 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,265 [bleep]! OH, NO! 210 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,742 [screams] NO, NO, NO! 211 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,071 WHAT SEPARATES MAN FROM THE ANIMALS? 212 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,776 NOT JUST TOILET USE, BUT ALSO THE ABILITY TO REASON. 213 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,550 REVENGE APPEALS TO OUR BASER INSTINCTS, 214 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,950 WHILE ONLY EMPATHY AND FORGIVENESS CAN END 215 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,122 THE CYCLE OF MADNESS. 216 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,821 I HAVE TO CONFESS, 217 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,323 I'M STILL COMPLETELY MYSTIFIED BY THAT LAST ATTACK. 218 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,194 I DON'T KNOW WHO ELSE PROFESSOR ROMER 219 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,362 COULD'VE MADE SO FURIOUS THAT THEY WENT TO ALL THE TROUBLE 220 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,791 OF CONSTRUCTING SOMETHING AS COMPLICATED 221 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,456 AS AN IGNITION-TRIGGERED FECES BOMB. 222 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,263 - OH, I BET IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED 223 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,267 IF YOU DATED A GUY WHO'S AN AUTO MECHANIC 224 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,629 WITH A BROTHER WHO'S A NAVY SEAL. 225 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,838 I BET AFTER KILLING OSAMA BIN LADEN, 226 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,300 THAT'S JUST A DAY AT THE BEACH. 227 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,037 - RIGHT, YES. 228 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,383 WELL, TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY FOR REVENGE, 229 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,309 I RECOMMEND SOMETHING ELSE. 230 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,354 REVENGE, ONE STAR. - FIVE STARS. 231 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,292 - ALL RIGHT, A.J., I'M READY FOR MY NEXT REVIEW. 232 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:47,934 - WELL, FORREST, DARREN IN LA JOLLA ASKS... 233 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,965 - OH, WOW. GREAT QUESTION. 234 00:08:57,004 --> 00:09:01,914 I AM ABOUT TO GO GET RICH, AND I'M NOT GONNA DO IT SLOWLY. 235 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,312 TRUTH BE TOLD, I NEEDED THIS ASSIGNMENT. 236 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,814 REVIEWING LIFE EXPERIENCES 237 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:08,476 WAS TURNING OUT TO BE INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE. 238 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,375 COCAINE IS AMAZING! 239 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,347 [screams] [glass shatters] 240 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,815 THAT IS A TICKET TO GO INTO SPACE. 241 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:20,426 MY REVIEW OF DIVORCE ALONE WAS COSTING ME A FORTUNE IN ALIMONY 242 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,630 AND LEFT ME SLEEPING IN MY OFFICE. 243 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,031 - THIS IS THAD VALENTINE. 244 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,035 HE IS A FINANCIAL GURU. HE IS AMAZING. 245 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,898 - MY EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT, LUCILLE, 246 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,867 URGED ME TO ATTEND A SEMINAR ENTITLED 247 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,205 "BRING YOUR MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA, 248 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,711 AND LEAVE WITH YOUR MILLION-DOLLAR REALITY." 249 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:42,654 - IT IS $1,776 TO ACHIEVE FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE, OKAY? 250 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,850 DO YOU GET IT? 1776. 251 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:48,955 WELL, PLUS A $200 PROCESSING FEE. 252 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,059 [applause] 253 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,660 - ARE YOU WORTH $1 MILLION? 254 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,390 all: YES. 255 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,757 - ARE YOU WORTH $1 MILLION? 256 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,227 all: YES! - YES! 257 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,725 - THAD VALENTINE WAS A HIGH-ENERGY SPEAKER 258 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:03,098 WITH A TALENT FOR TALKING TO THE COMMON MAN. 259 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,936 - I USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU. 260 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:08,082 LONELY, LOST, AND UGLY. 261 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,608 [applause] 262 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:10,913 HERE'S WHAT I DID-- 263 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,284 I WROTE MYSELF A CHECK FOR $1 MILLION, 264 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,283 BUT I BACKDATED IT AN ENTIRE YEAR. 265 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,986 WHICH MEANS, WHEN THAT TIME CAME UP, 266 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,588 I HAD TO FIND $1 MILLION, OR THE BANK WAS GONNA SAY TO ME, 267 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,761 "WE'RE GONNA COME TO YOUR HOUSE, WE'RE GONNA HANDCUFF YOU 268 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,331 IN FRONT OF YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU AWAY, 269 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,928 AND LOCK THE KEY." TRUE STORY. 270 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,961 BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. WHY? 271 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,727 BECAUSE CONFIDENCE. 272 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,095 [applause] CONFIDENCE! 273 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,635 YOU CAN HAVE CONFIDENCE. 274 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,610 AND BE HONEST, OPEN UP. 275 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,108 WHO'S A LITTLE SCARED TO WALK ON HOT COALS TONIGHT? 276 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,741 YEAH. 277 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,906 - WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT BECOMING MORE CONFIDENT 278 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,975 COULD MAKE ME FABULOUSLY RICH? 279 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,154 IT WAS WORTH A TRY. 280 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,182 all: YES! YES! 281 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,988 - THE AFTERNOON WAS FULL OF INCREDIBLE, 282 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,760 CONFIDENCE-BUILDING EXERCISES. 283 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,288 YOU HAVE ALL GOT TO TRY THAT. 284 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,093 YOU GOTTA TRY THAT. YOU-- 285 00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,485 I WAS FEELING MORE AND MORE 286 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,856 PSYCHOLOGICALLY PREPARED TO MAKE MY FORTUNE. 287 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,425 I DID THIS TO MYSELF. - I DID THIS TO MYSELF. 288 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,104 - I DID THIS TO MYSELF. 289 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,544 I HAD LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT CONFIDENCE 290 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,739 THAT I WAS SPREADING IT TO EVERYONE AROUND ME. 291 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:14,212 - HAVE YOU, UH, TRIED THESE DANISHES? 292 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,911 THEY LOOK PRETTY GOOD. - OH, YEAH, I DID. 293 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,753 I HAD ONE OF THE CHERRY ONES. - OH. 294 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,745 - SO GOOD. - THEY LOOK PRETTY--PRETTY GOOD. 295 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,180 - YEAH, GO FOR IT. 296 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,884 - I'VE ALWAYS HAD A WEIGHT PROBLEM. 297 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,216 MY DOCTORS SAY THAT IT'S BECAUSE I EAT TOO MUCH, 298 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,063 BUT WHO KNOWS, RIGHT? - YEAH. 299 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,588 BUT HEY, YOU KNOW, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE. 300 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,933 YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE WORTH 301 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,130 both: $1 MILLION. - YOU'VE GOT IT. 302 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,562 - [laughs] HEY. 303 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,796 DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA? 304 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,072 - SURE, YEAH. I'M SURE IT'S GREAT. 305 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,141 - OKAY. - OH, YEAH. 306 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,311 [chuckles] 307 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,439 - IT'S A MUZZLE... - MM-HMM. 308 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,205 - THAT WORKS ON A TIME LOCK 309 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,214 SO THAT YOU CAN'T EAT BETWEEN MEALS. 310 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,277 - OH, OKAY. SO IT'S FOR PEOPLE? 311 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,817 - UH-HUH. - IT'S A MUZZLE FOR PEOPLE? 312 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,452 - YEAH. - AND IT, LIKE, COVERS UP 313 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,157 YOUR MOUTH ALL DAY LONG, EXCEPT FOR-- 314 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,519 - EXCEPT FOR MEALTIME. 315 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,856 - AND THE REST OF THE TIME OF THE DAY, 316 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,562 YOUR MOUTH IS COVERED OVER BY THIS-- 317 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,903 BY A MUZZLE? 318 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,659 - YOU HATE IT? 319 00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,498 - WHO CARES WHAT I THINK? 320 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,803 THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU KNOW 321 00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,973 THAT YOU ARE WORTH $1 MILLION. 322 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,365 - OH, YEAH. - I KNOW I DO. 323 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,066 - YEAH. - I'M WORTH $1 MILLION. 324 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,908 - $1 MILLION. - NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. 325 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,143 [laughs] - COOL. 326 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,577 - ALL RIGHT. - $1 MILLION. 327 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:26,982 - SEE YOU OUT THERE ON THOSE COALS, OKAY? 328 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:27,984 - OKAY. 329 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,715 - NOW, I WANT ALL OF YOU 330 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,347 TO CLOSE YOUR EYES. 331 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,694 THERE'S ONE THING EACH OF YOU BROUGHT HERE TODAY-- 332 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,361 YOUR MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA. 333 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,030 THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SHOUT OUT 334 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:45,000 AS YOU WALK ACROSS THOSE HOT COALS. 335 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,832 - EXCUSE ME. 336 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,374 WERE WE SUPPOSED TO COME HERE WITH A MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA 337 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,072 ALREADY IN MIND? - YEAH. 338 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,705 IT'S--IT'S THE HEART OF "WEALTHNASTICS." 339 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,041 - THIS IDEA-- 340 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,377 - OH, GOD. OKAY. 341 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,622 LUCILLE HAD GIVEN ME A PACKET OF INFORMATION ABOUT THIS SEMINAR 342 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,649 BUT DID NOT INSIST THAT I READ IT. 343 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,254 HER NEGLIGENCE PUT ME IN A TERRIBLE POSITION. 344 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,687 JUST THINK OF IT, JUST THINK OF IT, JUST THINK OF IT. 345 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,861 JUST SAY IT. JUST SAY--JUST SAY ONE THING. 346 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,958 I--A TOILET THAT CAN FLUSH ITSELF 347 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,034 OR A TOILET--A TOILET YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT ON. 348 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,133 OR A BATHROOM--WHY-- 349 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,266 ALL MY IDEAS ARE ABOUT BATHROOMS. 350 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,001 UM, OKAY. 351 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,537 STUPID. 352 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,112 [cheers and applause] - HEY! 353 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,480 WHO'S READY TO WALK ON SOME HOT COALS? 354 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,879 OKAY, PAULA, YOU'RE UP FIRST. 355 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,311 LET'S GO. - GREAT. 356 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,875 ALL RIGHT, GREAT. 357 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,321 - YOU GOT IT, SISTER. 358 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,978 GIVE ME THAT MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA. 359 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,717 - A SELF-MOISTURIZING BRA! 360 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,192 - YEAH! YOU DID IT. 361 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:46,632 OKAY, UP NEXT, MARIO! 362 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,199 ALL RIGHT, MARIO. KA-CHING. 363 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,728 LET'S GO. 364 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,562 - A TACO TRUCK WHERE IF YOU PAY A LITTLE EXTRA 365 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,168 YOU CAN EAT INSIDE THE TRUCK! 366 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,640 - HEY, HEY, LIKE THAT! THAT'S GREAT. 367 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,539 UP NEXT, WE GOT FORREST. 368 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,641 WHERE'S FORREST? - ALL RIGHT. 369 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,913 - THERE YOU GO. 370 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,310 COME ON, FORREST. 371 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,975 - CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF IS AN AMAZING GIFT. 372 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,946 IT IS NOT, HOWEVER, THE SAME AS HAVING AN IDEA. 373 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:15,985 UH, A, UH--A MUZZLE THAT WORKS ON A TIME LOCK, 374 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,133 SO YOU CAN'T EAT BETWEEN MEALS! 375 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,628 - HEY, HEY! - [chuckles] 376 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,300 - HEY, YOU STOLE MY IDEA, ASS[bleep]! 377 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,400 - WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? 378 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,631 - THAT'S MY WHOLE LIFE! 379 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:26,965 - SHUT UP, SHUT UP. - IS THAT TRUE? 380 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,100 - YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN ORIGINAL IDEA. 381 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:29,295 - OW, OW, OW! 382 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,936 - WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 383 00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,408 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. COME ON, GET UP! 384 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,609 [overlapping shouting] 385 00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,314 - WE'D ALL LIKE TO AVOID A TRIAL, 386 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,075 SO WE HAVE AN AMOUNT IN MIND, 387 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,613 AND I'M SURE YOU'LL AGREE, IT'S GENEROUS. 388 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:45,688 - WELL, IT HAD BETTER BE $1 MILLION. 389 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,618 - NO. - BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M WORTH. 390 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:53,325 [clears throat] I'M WORTH $1 MILLION. 391 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,960 - IT'S 70,000. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. 392 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,795 - NO WAY. 393 00:14:56,829 --> 00:15:01,329 OH, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY TAKE IT. 394 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:07,308 - I AM WORTH $70,000. 395 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,779 - I'M BEGINNING TO THINK 396 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:13,050 NOTHING WILL EVER GO WELL FOR YOU, FORREST. 397 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,610 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 398 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,677 I JUST GOT $70,000 FOR BURNING MY HANDS AND FEET. 399 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,447 AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET EVEN BETTER, 400 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,216 BECAUSE I HAVE INVESTED EVERY PENNY OF IT 401 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,064 IN THAT WOMAN'S TIME LOCK MUZZLE. 402 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,060 THERE'S AN OBESITY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY, 403 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,992 AND I THINK THE ANSWER MAY VERY WELL BE 404 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,304 LOCKING UP PEOPLE'S MOUTHS. 405 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:33,329 GETTING RICH QUICK, FOUR STARS. 406 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,210 - A.J., MY NEXT REVIEW, PLEASE. 407 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,845 - THE NEXT REVIEW REQUEST COMES TO US VIA TWITTER 408 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,520 FROM @BUBBLEBATHS. 409 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,879 - AH, AND WHAT WOULD @BUBBLEBATHS 410 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,087 LIKE TO SEE ME REVIEW? 411 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,619 - THE TWEET SAYS... 412 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,586 - IS THERE--IS THERE MORE TO THAT, OR IS THAT-- 413 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,728 - NO. 414 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,603 "THERE ALL IS ACHING." 415 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,172 - THERE ALL IS--YEAH. "THERE ALL IS ACHING." 416 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,471 - I HAVE TO ADMIT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS. 417 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,113 - [laughs] YEAH, WELL, IT'S GOOD THAT I'M THE REVIEWER 418 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,740 IN SITUATIONS EXACTLY LIKE THIS 419 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:20,245 SO THAT I CAN OFFER UNIQUE INSIGHTS INTO... 420 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,050 "THERE ALL IS ACHING." 421 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,949 AND HERE I GO, DOING EXACTLY THAT. 422 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:28,162 GOOD. - OOH. 423 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,488 - "THERE ALL IS ACHING." 424 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,633 THIS WAS CLEARLY SOME KIND OF COMPLICATED CODE. 425 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,360 THE BACKWARDS PHRASING WAS LIKE A COMBINATION OF A ZEN KOAN, 426 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:41,127 YODA'S CRYPTIC ADVICE, AND ALEX TREBEK'S QUESTION-ANSWERS. 427 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,868 I DECIDED TO ADOPT THAT SAME MANNER OF SPEECH 428 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,343 IN ORDER TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC 429 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,512 "THERE ALL IS ACHING" EXPERIENCE. 430 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,440 ON RYE TOAST, B.L.T. ORDERING. 431 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,448 - SAY WHAT? 432 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,981 - UH...MAYONNAISE HAVING, 433 00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:02,085 BUT NOT MUCH TOO, THINK I. 434 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,089 - I'M GONNA GET YOU A COBB SALAD. 435 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,934 - AH, PRODUCER BATHROOM IS GOING. 436 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,099 - DID YOU HAVE A STROKE? 437 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:13,199 - FORREST FINE, I'M FEELING. 438 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,903 - SIRI, STROKE DOCTORS IN MY AREA. 439 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,566 - ARE YOU EXPERIENCING ANY MEMORY LOSS? 440 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,605 - FIDDLE I FIT AS I'M FEELING. 441 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,980 "THERE ALL IS ACHING" WAS PROVING 442 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,409 TO BE A DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE TO REVIEW. 443 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,745 BUT I WAS HOPEFUL THAT AN EXPERT IN THE HUMAN BRAIN 444 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,120 COULD HELP MAKE SENSE OF IT. 445 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,276 - WHY ARE YOU TALKING SO STRANGELY? 446 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,248 - "THERE ALL IS ACHING." 447 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,786 SENSE MAKE TO YOU? 448 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:38,291 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - THERE ALL IS ACHING. 449 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,585 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - THERE ALL IS ACHING. 450 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,858 - HMM. 451 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,572 - MY COMMITMENT TO "THERE ALL IS ACHING" 452 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,670 HAD APPARENTLY MADE ME A DANGER TO MYSELF AND OTHERS, 453 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,013 AT LEAST IN THE EYES OF ONE MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. 454 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:56,739 BUT I WAS EAGER TO FOLLOW THIS EXPERIENCE WHEREVER IT TOOK ME. 455 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,406 [screams] 456 00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:00,976 THERE ALL IS ACHING! 457 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,748 DO NOT UNDERSTAND TOPIC! 458 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,192 NURSE, WHY ARE SMILING? 459 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,418 WHY ARE SMILING, NURSE? 460 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,323 [screams] 461 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:11,315 [cheerful music] 462 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,028 * 463 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:17,359 [upbeat music] 464 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:21,267 HAPPY I AM TO SAY THAT MY TIME IN MENTAL HOSPITAL 465 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,271 EXTREMELY HELPFUL WAS. 466 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,443 THERE ALL'S ACHING. 467 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,512 ANSWERS CLOSE AT HAND WERE SEEMING. 468 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,041 - THERE... 469 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,547 ALL'S ACHING. 470 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,449 - THERE ALL'S ACHING. 471 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:42,355 MET I THERE A MAN WHO LIKE I TALKED TALKED. 472 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,389 - GEORGIE, GEORGIE. 473 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,394 - FORREST, FORREST. 474 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,956 A MODEL PATIENT, HE WAS. 475 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,264 ANOTHER SEARCHER. 476 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,257 A FRIEND. 477 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:53,068 THERE ALL'S ACHING. 478 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,729 [laughter] 479 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,237 - [cries] 480 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,969 TOGETHER, SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS WE WERE. 481 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,765 A LOT IN COMMON WE HAD. 482 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,608 GEORGIE DONE NOTHING! WHY ALL IS HAPPENING? 483 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,653 WHY ALL IS HAPPENING? 484 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,849 BUT MORE REVIEWING TO DO THERE WAS. 485 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,821 CALLING MY JOB WAS TO ME. 486 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,321 THERE ALL'S ACHING. 487 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,064 DISTRACTION IS CREATING ESCAPE PLAN WITH FRIEND. 488 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:21,859 - [whispering] 489 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,664 - [screaming] 490 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:26,496 [overlapping shouting] 491 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,673 [glass shatters] 492 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:31,041 [shouting continues, alarm blaring] 493 00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,748 - THANK YOU SO MUCH. 494 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:47,423 I'M GONNA KILL MRS. PINNEY NOW, LIKE YOU ORDERED. 495 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:52,334 OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH! 496 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,029 - OH. 497 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,531 IN A WAY, MY QUEST TO UNDERSTAND "THERE ALL IS ACHING" 498 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,025 MIRRORS MANKIND'S SEARCH FOR MEANING 499 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,367 IN A RANDOM AND SENSELESS UNIVERSE 500 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,113 THAT TOO OFTEN LEADS US TO INFLICT HORRORS 501 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,838 UPON ONE ANOTHER. 502 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:12,014 PERHAPS OUR BEST CHANCE AS A SPECIES LIES IN REMAINING 503 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,554 DETERMINED ENOUGH TO FIND MEANING EVERYWHERE. 504 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,722 - I'M S--I'M SORRY. 505 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:21,250 I HAVE TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. - WHY? 506 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:24,118 - IT SEEMS THAT WE HAD A GLITCH IN OUR QUESTION SYSTEM. 507 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:28,756 "THERE ALL IS ACHING" IS ACTUALLY NOT THE REVIEW 508 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,025 THAT @BUBBLEBATHS REQUESTED. 509 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,633 - IT ISN'T? - NO. 510 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:37,135 SOMEONE ON TWITTER NAMED "THE REAL LISA CHING" WANTED YOU 511 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,969 TO REVIEW BUBBLE BATHS, WHICH ARE NICE, 512 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,806 SO THAT WOULD'VE BEEN FUN. 513 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,911 - OH, AND THEY WERE SWITCHED. - RIGHT, YES. 514 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,213 SWITCHEROO. WHOOPS. 515 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,545 - WELL, THAT IS A SHAME. 516 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,120 I REALLY DO ENJOY TAKING A BUBBLE BATH. 517 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,549 - RIGHT, YEAH. 518 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,224 - CERTAINLY A LOT NICER THAN SHOCK THERAPY. 519 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,763 - OH. - [chuckles] 520 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:59,058 - ALL IN ALL, I GIVE THERE ALL IS ACHING... 521 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,061 - BUBBLE BATHS. 522 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,364 - THREE STARS. 523 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:17,076 - [crying] GRANT! GRANT! 524 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:20,909 THERE'S [bleep] ON MY BODY! 525 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,647 GRANT! 526 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,922 OH, MY GOD. 527 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,921 GRANT! 38652

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.