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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,880 - LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY ALL WE HAVE. 2 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,851 BUT IS IT ANY GOOD? 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,680 I'M A REVIEWER, BUT I DON'T REVIEW FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES. 4 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,686 I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF. 5 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,018 VIVA LA REVOLUCION! 6 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:23,224 [cheering] 7 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,657 [Taser crackling] AAH! AAH! 8 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,663 [fanfare playing] 9 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:33,666 * 10 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,501 HELLO, AND WELCOME TO REVIEW. 11 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,606 I'M FORREST MACNEIL, AND TONIGHT WE SHALL CONTINUE 12 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,839 OUR EXPLORATION OF THE ADVENTURE THAT IS LIFE. 13 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,735 WHATEVER EXPERIENCE YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT, 14 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,247 I WILL DO IT AND REVIEW IT. 15 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,920 AND I'M NOT ALONE. I'VE BEEN PAIRED WITH A CO-HOST. 16 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,789 HERE TO FIELD YOUR INQUIRIES IS A.J. GIBBS. 17 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,349 - YOU READY, FORREST? 18 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,417 - I AM READY. LET'S GO! 19 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,785 - OKAY! - [chuckles] 20 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,863 - FROM ANGELA IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, D.C. 21 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,461 - UH, WELL-- - HELLO, FORREST, HOW ARE YOU? 22 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,425 WE BOUGHT OUR HOUSE FROM THE ESTATE OF A COUPLE 23 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,004 WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE, AND IN THE ATTIC, 24 00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:09,443 WE FOUND THIS VIDEOTAPE OF THEM HAVING SEX. 25 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,340 I GUESS MY QUESTION IS, 26 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,882 WHY WOULD ANYONE FILM THEMSELVES DOING THAT? 27 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,148 THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. 28 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,645 - A VERY POLITE YOUNG LADY. 29 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,809 - HMM, WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE 30 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,148 TO MAKE A SEXUALLY EXPLICIT VIDEOTAPE. 31 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,824 - DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE, FORREST, OKAY? 32 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,063 THE MOST BUTTONED-UP GUYS-- THEY ARE ALWAYS THE FREAKIEST. 33 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,316 - NO, NO, MY WIFE AND I HAVE... [clears throat] 34 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:33,358 NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT I SUPPOSE WE'RE ABOUT TO. 35 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,064 - WORD OF ADVICE? - YES. 36 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,533 - DON'T FORGET TO TAKE THE LENS CAP OFF THE CAMERA, 37 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,334 OTHERWISE YOU MAY FIND 38 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,996 THAT YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH YOUR WIFE FOR NO REASON. 39 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,574 - YES, THANK YOU. THAT'S HELPFUL. 40 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,174 THE SEX TAPE-- 41 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,913 LET'S FIND OUT WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT. 42 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,842 THIS REVIEW WOULD REQUIRE ME TO TEST 43 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:54,078 THE LIMITS OF MY INHIBITIONS IN THE INTEREST OF HUMANITY, 44 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,382 AND THERE WAS NO TIME FOR SIT-UPS. 45 00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:01,256 TO UNDERSTAND THE HOWS AND WHYS OF THE SEX TAPE, 46 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,889 I ASKED MY INTERN TO COMPILE THE ESSENTIALS OF THE GENRE. 47 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,994 - SO, UH, 1 NIGHT IN PARIS. 48 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,196 THIS IS KIND OF LIKE THE APOCALYPSE NOW 49 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,656 OF CELEBRITY SEX TAPES. 50 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,997 THEN YOU'VE GOT PAMELA ANDERSON AND TOMMY LEE, 51 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,942 WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE THE CITIZEN KANE, I GUESS? 52 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,569 - WAIT, WAIT. TURN ON YOUR FILTER LIGHT. 53 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:21,206 - IN SHORT ORDER, THE HOW WAS CLEAR ENOUGH-- 54 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:24,349 DIRTY TALK AND CONFUSING SEXUAL POSITIONS-- 55 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,408 BUT THE WHY REMAINED ELUSIVE. 56 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,977 THAT IS DISGUSTING. 57 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,345 THERE'S A VERY GOOD REASON 58 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,523 THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE SEX IN THE DARK. 59 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,452 IT FEELS BETTER THAN IT LOOKS. 60 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,657 THANK YOU, LUCILLE. - OH. 61 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,858 TAKE IT! - ROB LOWE, HUH? 62 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,430 [indistinct chatter on computer] 63 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,360 - IT SIMPLY DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. 64 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,825 JUST BREAKS MY HEART HOW-- - CAN WE NOT TALK? 65 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,333 I REALLY JUST WANT TO FOCUS ON THIS. 66 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,965 - OH, YEAH 67 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,599 - OKAY. 68 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,235 IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL OF MAKING A SEX TAPE, 69 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,238 I WAS GOING TO NEED THE ASSISTANCE OF A WILLING PARTNER. 70 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,641 - HAVE YOU OUTDONE YOURSELF? - I THINK I HAVE OUTDONE MYSELF. 71 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,476 ASK ME WHY I MADE MY SPECIALTY TONIGHT. 72 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,511 - WHY DID YOU MAKE YOUR SPECIALTY TONIGHT, HONEY? 73 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:03,547 - WELL, JUST FOR THE HALIBUT. [both laughing] 74 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,954 THAT'S A LOT OF FUN. - THAT IS A LOT OF FUN. 75 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:11,257 - TO US. - TO US. MM. 76 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,789 both: MMM. 77 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,696 - HEY, LISTEN, I TOLD ERIC THAT HE SHOULD STAY OVER 78 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,929 AT CLAYTON'S HOUSE TONIGHT. - OH, OKAY. 79 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,865 I HAVE A SHOPPING LIST FOR YOU, IF YOU DON'T MIND. 80 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,440 - SHOPPING LIST? NO, NO, NO. 81 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,969 NO, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT DO SOMETHING 82 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,143 A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING WITH OUR ALONE TIME. 83 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,812 - OH, OKAY, I GET IT, YEAH. - UH-HUH, YEAH. 84 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,141 IN FACT, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT... - OH, ALL RIGHT. 85 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,806 - MIX IT UP A LITTLE BIT TONIGHT. 86 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:34,324 - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? - I WAS THINKING WE MIGHT 87 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,488 DOCUMENT THE PROCEEDINGS CE SOIR-- 88 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,488 TONIGHT. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 89 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,050 - HMM? - HOW--HOW WOULD WE-- 90 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,458 - I BOUGHT A VIDEO CAMERA, AND I THOUGHT WE COULD-- 91 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,391 - UGH! YOU WANT TO MAKE A SEX TAPE? 92 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,756 - YEAH! - NO, GROSS! 93 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,064 - WHY? 94 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,455 - WHAT ARE YOU, A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE? 95 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,727 NO, NO, NO. WHAT IF PEOPLE SAW IT? 96 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,395 WHAT IF ERIC FOUND IT? - NO, DON'T-- 97 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,074 SWEETHEART, WE'LL MAKE SURE ERIC DOESN'T SEE IT 98 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,312 UNTIL LONG AFTER WE'RE DEAD. - NO, THAT IS NOT-- 99 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,168 I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU WOULD WANT TO DO-- 100 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,706 THAT'S NOT LIKE YOU. 101 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,041 IT'S CREEPY. - I'M VERY SURPRISED 102 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,635 BY THIS REACTION OF YOURS. - [sighs] 103 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,007 - I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT THINK IT WOULD BE KIND OF FUN. 104 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,675 - MAN, FORREST. - I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN. 105 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,384 - YOU WERE SO CLOSE, YOU KNOW? YOU WERE ON THE GREEN! 106 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,746 ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS JUST PUTT IT. 107 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,153 - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING. 108 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,424 - NO, YOU SHANKED IT RIGHT INTO THE WOODS! 109 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,324 THANKS FOR NOTHING, ALL RIGHT? 110 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,664 - WELL, THINK ABOUT IT. 111 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,431 - I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. NO. 112 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,331 [light switch clicks] 113 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:26,171 - I'D NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED BEING UNFAITHFUL TO SUZANNE. 114 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,399 SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE, 115 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:32,166 MY PARTNER IN LIFE. 116 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,235 THOUGH HORRIFIED AND SCANDALIZED BY THE VERY THOUGHT OF IT, 117 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,353 I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE MY TAPE... 118 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,345 SAY HELLO TO YOUR FOLKS. - BYE. 119 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,347 - WITHOUT SUZANNE. 120 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,387 [soft rock music] 121 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:54,430 * 122 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,104 HER NAME WAS KATRINA SERIES 3, 123 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,377 A $4,000, STATE-OF-THE-ART, SYNTHETIC SEX DOLL. 124 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,705 SHE WAS MADE OF LATEX RUBBER BUILT AROUND 125 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,813 A HIGHLY POSE-ABLE SKELETON, 126 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,545 AND SHE FEATURED WHAT I WAS ASSURED 127 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:17,051 WAS A VERY LIFELIKE, FIVE-SPEED, VIBRATING VAGINA. 128 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:20,824 AHH. 129 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,694 YOU READY? 130 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,733 IF KATRINA HAD ANY QUALMS ABOUT APPEARING 131 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,488 IN A SEX TAPE WITH ME, 132 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:30,497 SHE KEPT THEM TO HERSELF. 133 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,701 THIS FEELS WEIRD FOR ME TOO. 134 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:37,513 * 135 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,038 [grunting] 136 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,413 KATRINA'S ALLURING TITANIUM INFRASTRUCTURE GAVE HER 137 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:46,981 A WEIGHT OF OVER 100 POUNDS, AN OBVIOUS DESIGN FLAW, 138 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,054 SINCE THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY I'M THE MOST OUT-OF-SHAPE PERSON 139 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,693 WHO OWNS ONE OF THESE. 140 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,589 BUT SOMEHOW, SHE AND I WOULD FIND A WAY TO ECSTASY. 141 00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:55,692 OH! 142 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,033 [winces] OH. 143 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,228 I AM NOT PROUD OF WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE. 144 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:04,471 HELLO, AND WELCOME TO MY SEX TAPE. 145 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,109 - HELLO, AND WELCOME TO MY SEX TAPE. 146 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:21,445 ALL RIGHT. [clears throat] 147 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,749 [sighs] 148 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,294 I WASTED NO TIME IN PUTTING MY SEX-TAPE RESEARCH TO WORK, 149 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,290 UNLEASHING A BARRAGE OF DIRTY SEX TALK. 150 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:34,133 GOOD EVENING. HOW ARE YOU? 151 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,631 UH, YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL. 152 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:41,065 YOUR EYES ARE--ARE JUST, UH... 153 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:44,711 I WANT YOU TO KNOW, UH... 154 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,238 THIS DOESN'T ALWAYS GO WELL FOR ME. 155 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,243 I'M GONNA TRY TO PUT YOU IN A POSITION 156 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,705 THAT'S BEST FOR THE CAMERA. 157 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,614 [grunts] 158 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,976 THERE'S ALMOST NO WAY TO PUT HER THAT SHE DOESN'T LOOK DEAD. 159 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,215 THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. OH, GOD! 160 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,661 THIS LEG IS ALL THE WAY-- ALL THE WAY BACK. 161 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,489 [straining] THIS IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE! 162 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,494 IMPOSSIBLE. [grunts] 163 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,063 UNLIKE PROFESSIONAL PORNOGRAPHY, 164 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,234 SEX TAPES ARE SUPPOSED TO LOOK TERRIBLE. 165 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,632 OH, NO. 166 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,974 SORRY ABOUT THAT, MY DARLING. 167 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,640 [phone ringing] OH, GOD. 168 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,639 [pop music] 169 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,812 * 170 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,652 YEAH, MACNEIL RESIDENCE. - OH, HEY, FORREST. 171 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,578 - OH, HI, SUZANNE. YES, HELLO. 172 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,324 - I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND I MIGHT HAVE LEFT THE OVEN ON. 173 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,918 NO. WELL, SAY HELLO TO YOUR PARENTS. 174 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,420 - OKAY. - MM-HMM. 175 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,389 - LOVE YOU. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. 176 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,860 - [sighs] 177 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,929 * 178 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,729 THAT WAS A WORK THING. 179 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,531 EVENTUALLY, MY PHYSICAL PLEASURE AND THE SPEED 180 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,931 OF KATRINA'S VAGINA INTENSIFIED, 181 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,736 AND MY AWARENESS OF THE CAMERA FELL AWAY COMPLETELY. 182 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,369 [snoring] AND THEN MY AWARENESS 183 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:55,014 OF EVERYTHING FELL AWAY, AS I SURRENDERED TO THE HEAVY SLEEP 184 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,612 OF THE SEXUALLY SATISFIED MAN. 185 00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,945 I HAD OVERCOME GREAT FEARS TO MAKE WHAT I HOPED 186 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,281 WAS THE TITANIC OF SEX TAPES. 187 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,816 - FORREST? 188 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:08,693 DID YOU DRINK A HALF A BOTTLE OF MY BRANDY? 189 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,992 - OH, SUZANNE. - OH, MY GOD! 190 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,033 - OH, OKAY--UH, OH. - WHO IS THAT? 191 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,989 - THAT IS NOBODY. THAT IS LITERALLY NOBODY. 192 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,557 - HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? - NO, I'M SERIOUS, 193 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,163 THAT'S NOBODY. - WHAT'S GOING ON? 194 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,627 - OH, MY GOD, ERIC, GO TO CLAYTON'S HOUSE, OKAY? 195 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,326 DADDY IS VERY SICK. - I HATE THIS FAMILY! 196 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,097 - LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. 197 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,335 - OH, MY GOD, IT'S JUST A DOLL. - IT'S JUST A DOLL. 198 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,110 - WHAT--[sighs] 199 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,768 THAT'S WHY IT SMELLS LIKE BURNING SNEAKER IN HERE. 200 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,577 - I KNOW. - OPEN A [bleep] WINDOW. 201 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,936 - OKAY, SORRY, LOOK-- 202 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,007 - WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? 203 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,484 OH, GOD. 204 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,180 FORREST, IF I HAD KNOWN YOU WERE SO DETERMINED 205 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,284 TO MAKE A SEX VIDEO, 206 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,315 I WOULD--I WOULD HAVE DONE IT. 207 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,850 IF YOU NEED TO DO THIS KIND OF WEIRD [bleep], 208 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,957 THEN I WANT TO BE INVOLVED. 209 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,860 OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO JUDGE. - REALLY? 210 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:45,992 I'LL BETCHA IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER WITH YOU THAN IT WAS-- 211 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,596 - YOU "BETCHA"? 212 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,055 - I--WELL, I--NO, IT--YEAH. NO, OBVIOUSLY IT WOULD. 213 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,396 OF COURSE IT WOULD. OF COURSE IT WOULD. 214 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,801 WHATEVER TREPIDATIONS I MIGHT HAVE HAD ABOUT FILMING IT, 215 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:58,235 THE FOOTAGE OF ME SHOEHORNING MYSELF INTO THAT RUBBER LADY 216 00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,911 HAS SOMEHOW BECOME A RELIABLE SOURCE 217 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,240 OF FOREPLAY IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. 218 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,805 SO, IF THE POINT OF MAKING A SEX TAPE 219 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,475 IS TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE, 220 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:09,923 I HAVE TO SAY IT WORKED. 221 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,320 "MAKING A SEX TAPE"-- FOUR STARS. 222 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,655 [fanfare plays] 223 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,255 - ON TO OUR NEXT REVIEW. 224 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,166 - OOH, OUR NEXT REVIEW CAME TO US IN AN EMAIL... 225 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,169 - MM-HMM. - FROM "TOOMUCHTANYA2000," 226 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,271 OH, IN MADISON, WISCONSIN. 227 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:43,677 - RACISM--A DISLIKE OF OTHERS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE DIFFERENT. 228 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,287 WELL, I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE 229 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:49,218 MY OUTLOOK AND BECOME... A RACIST. 230 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,661 FOR YOU, MY BLACK FRIEND. 231 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,763 BEFORE I EMBARKED ON MY JOURNEY OF RACE-BASED HATRED, 232 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,866 I PAID A VISIT TO MY BLACK NEIGHBOR, GENE, 233 00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:01,098 TO BANK SOME GOODWILL FOR THE DIFFICULT TIMES AHEAD. 234 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:04,044 I HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT OF BLACK PEOPLE SIMPLY AS PEOPLE 235 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,611 AND, AS A CONSEQUENCE, 236 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,709 DIDN'T THINK MUCH WAS SPECIAL ABOUT THEM. 237 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,681 BUT NOW I WOULD NEED TO DISCOVER WHAT IT WAS 238 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,380 THAT MADE THEM DIFFERENT 239 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:15,951 AND HOW I COULD TURN THAT INTO FEELINGS OF RED-HOT RACISM. 240 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,193 AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, I STUMBLED UPON A FAMILY REUNION 241 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,688 OF BLACK PEOPLE, WHICH WAS BEING HELD IN A PUBLIC PARK 242 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,322 WHERE ANYONE COULD JOIN THEM. 243 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,726 HI, THERE. [chuckles] 244 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,729 - YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO'S RUDE? CAMERON. 245 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:31,401 SHE SAYS TO ME, "OH, YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR." 246 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,671 - [scoffs] UNBELIEVABLE. 247 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,701 OVER THE COURSE OF A PRODUCTIVE AND ENJOYABLE AFTERNOON 248 00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,507 OF INTERRACIAL EAVESDROPPING, 249 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,968 I LEARNED AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT 250 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,137 OF UNFLATTERING THINGS ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE. 251 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,975 - WHO INVITED YOU, AGAIN? 252 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,751 - THEY INSULT YOUR HAIR WHEN THEIR WEAVE LOOKS TERRIBLE, 253 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,150 THEY SHOOT OFF THEIR MOUTHS TO DERRICK 254 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,881 ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T CONCERN THEM, 255 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,847 AND, MOST INFURIATINGLY, 256 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,245 THEY WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR CATERING BUSINESS. 257 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,387 WAS IT DIFFICULT TO EARN THEIR TRUST? 258 00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,831 SO LONG, EVERYBODY! 259 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,760 I NOW HAD THE AMMUNITION TO GET SERIOUSLY RACIST. 260 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,127 HEY, SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR CATERING BUSINESS! 261 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,237 LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO! 262 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,439 ACTUALLY, CAN YOU MAKE THAT A DIET COKE, PLEASE? 263 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,570 I AM WATCHING MY CALORIES, 264 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:15,735 AND I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA RUN ALONG AND TELL THAT TO DERRICK. 265 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,613 - DERRICK? 266 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,354 - I KNOW A FEW THINGS. 267 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,749 OH, GOOD. YES, THANK YOU. 268 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,148 RIGHT NEXT TO THE OTHER ONE, PLEASE. 269 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,482 IT WAS NECESSARY FOR MY NEW RACIST ATTITUDE 270 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,346 TO PERVADE MY ENTIRE LIFE, 271 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,615 INCLUDING AT THE WORKPLACE. 272 00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,763 ATTENTION, EVERYONE! NEW POLICY. 273 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:33,660 THIS WILL BE STRICTLY, HARSHLY, ENFORCED. 274 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,631 [toilet flushes] BUT THESE NEW SYSTEMS 275 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:38,102 WERE DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN IN THE MODERN WORLD. 276 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,271 I WAS, FOR INSTANCE, NOT ABLE TO EXPLAIN WHERE WHITE WOMEN 277 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,441 WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 278 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,140 - [sighs] 279 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:48,382 - MY EFFORTS WERE CAUSING MORE CONFUSION THAN OPPRESSION. 280 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,478 - WAIT. THIS ONE IS THE COLOR COPIER? 281 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,639 ISN'T IT THAT ONE? 282 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,547 - THIS IS THE COLORED COPIER. 283 00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,849 THAT ONE IS THE COLOR COPIER. 284 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,793 - SO THIS IS THE BLACK-AND-WHITE COPIER? 285 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,185 - THAT'S THE WHITE COPIER. 286 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,789 - LOOK, I JUST NEED TO MAKE A COLOR COPY. 287 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,118 - WELL, GO AHEAD AND DO IT. 288 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,415 JUST DON'T USE THE COLORED COPIER. 289 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,126 THE WHITE COPIER IS BETTER ANYWAY. 290 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,058 IT MAKES COLORED COPIES. 291 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,395 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE THIS MORE CLEAR. 292 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,031 - YOU COULD WRITE "PEOPLE" UNDER THEM. 293 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,797 - HOWEVER, A VISIT FROM OUR HEAD OF HUMAN RESOURCES 294 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,914 LET ME KNOW I WAS ON THE RIGHT TRACK. 295 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:19,969 HELLO. 296 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,567 - YOU'VE PUT THE ENTIRE COMPANY 297 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,078 IN AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT SITUATION. 298 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,111 YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS. 299 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:29,716 - SHARON, WHAT RACE ARE YOU? 300 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:32,087 - YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK PEOPLE THAT. 301 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:37,059 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T TELL ME, I'LL JUST ASSUME THE WORST. 302 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,890 I WAS FORCED TO ATTEND A SENSITIVITY TRAINING CLASS, 303 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,427 WHERE I WAS SUBJECTED TO A GLORIOUS GOLD MINE 304 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,562 OR RACIALLY CHARGED HATE LANGUAGE. 305 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,997 - YES? 306 00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:49,003 - HOW WOULD YOU USE [bleep] IN A SENTENCE? 307 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,566 - THE POINT IS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA USE IT IN A SENTENCE. 308 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,514 IF YOU'RE UNCERTAIN AS TO ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING, 309 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,310 WHETHER IT'S GONNA BE OFFENSIVE OR NOT... 310 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:58,952 - HEY, HOW MANY [bleep] DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? 311 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,449 - I DON'T KNOW. 312 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,080 - I DON'T KNOW EITHER. 313 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,845 THEY'RE ALL TOO BUSY [bleep] THEIR COUSINS. 314 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,715 - NO ONE HERE SHOULD BE MADE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE... 315 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,393 - [chuckles] - [whispering] THANK YOU. 316 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,061 - EH. - [normal voice] I'M FORREST. 317 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,690 I TOO AM INTOLERANT OF THOSE WHO DON'T SHARE MY RACE. 318 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,355 MY NEW FRIEND WAS CALLED JIM, AND HE WAS A TRUE CONNOISSEUR 319 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,155 OF RACE-BASED HATRED, 320 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,227 AS I LEARNED WHEN HE INVITED ME BACK TO HIS LAIR. 321 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,867 - EVER NOTICE THE LOWER THAT THEY WEAR THEIR PANTS, 322 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,503 THE LOWER OUR PROPERTY VALUES GO. 323 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,237 - HMM. - YOU GOT A PRESIDENT 324 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,613 THAT WANTS TO TAKE AWAY OUR GUNS? 325 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,381 YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WANTED TO TAKE AWAY THE GUNS? 326 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,380 - WHO'S THAT? - HITLER! 327 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,112 - YEAH. WELL, YOU LIKE HITLER. 328 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,447 - YEAH, YEAH, I-I LIKE THE WAY HE STARTED OUT. 329 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,623 - OKAY. - BUT WHEN HE STARTED WITH 330 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,350 THE OBAMA STUFF, THAT'S WHEN IT 331 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,116 ALL WENT DOWNHILL. - YEP. 332 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,364 - YOU'RE LIKE ME. - MM-HMM. 333 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:43,789 - WHAT DO WE HAVE IN COMMON? 334 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,791 WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, SEE? - WE ARE WHITE. 335 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,133 - WHY DO THEY SAY BLACK PEOPLE 336 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,560 ARE BETTER DANCERS THAN WHITE PEOPLE? 337 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,755 - I'M A GREAT DANCER! 338 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:53,127 AFTER MEETING JIM, I REALIZED I HAD TO TAKE 339 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,096 MY RACISM UP A NOTCH. - HOW ABOUT THAT? 340 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,906 [indistinct chatter] - AT LAST, I WAS PREPARED 341 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,708 TO INFECT EVERYONE AROUND ME WITH A VIRULENT STRAIN 342 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,610 OF THE SOCIAL DISEASE THAT IS RACISM. 343 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:09,183 WHY IS THERE A BLACK MAN AND HIS BABY MAMA IN MY HOME? 344 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,916 HMM? - SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS. 345 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,519 [laughter] 346 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,224 - WELL, NO, I DON'T THINK THAT WILL BE NECESSARY, 347 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,816 BUT I AM GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE. 348 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,455 [laughter] - YEAH, RIGHT. 349 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:21,733 - BUT BEING A CONVINCING RACIST 350 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,801 WAS HARDER THAN I'D EVER IMAGINED. 351 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:26,570 I'M SORRY. I'M AFRAID I'M QUITE SERIOUS, OKAY? 352 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,969 WE CANNOT HAVE YOU HERE MIXING WITH OUR WHITE WOMEN! 353 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,372 [laughter] 354 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,044 EXCUSE ME! THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY 355 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,243 ABOUT WHAT THE BLACK MAN IS DOING TO OUR COUNTRY! 356 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,246 I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVERYBODY IS LAUGHING ABOUT, 357 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,249 BUT I AM TIRED OF YOU BLACK PEOPLE BRINGING DOWN 358 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:45,052 OUR PROPERTY VALUES AND OUR SCHOOLS 359 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,585 AND NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT YOUR CATERING BUSINESS! 360 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,060 TO HAVE THE DESIRED EFFECT, I WOULD NEED TO CROSS 361 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,160 A BOUNDARY WHICH MUST NEVER BE CROSSED 362 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,162 AND SAY WHAT MUST NEVER BE SAID. 363 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,195 LAUGH IT UP, YOU [bleep]! 364 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,001 [woman laughing] 365 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,968 [woman stops laughing] 366 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:10,084 I AM A RACIST NOW. DEAL WITH IT. 367 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,110 - [sighs] - OKAY, SO YOU'VE BECOME 368 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,345 AN OVERT RACIST ALL OF A SUDDEN? 369 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,422 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OVERT RACIST"? 370 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,250 - I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN SOME RACISM IN YOU, 371 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,987 BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU PROUD OF IT. 372 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,992 - HOW HAS THERE BEEN RACISM IN-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 373 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,291 - OKAY, DO YOU REMEMBER LAST YEAR, 374 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,126 YOU ASKED EVERYONE ON THE BLOCK BUT ME 375 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,202 TO KEEP YOUR KEY WHILE YOU WENT ON VACATION? 376 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,471 - YEAH, WELL, YOU WERE NOT HOME. 377 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,869 - WE--WE WERE HOME. - YOU WERE HOME? 378 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,471 - WE WERE HOME. 379 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,373 - AND YOU'VE ASKED ME THREE DIFFERENT TIMES 380 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,435 IF I WENT TO COLLEGE ON A BASKETBALL SCHOLARSHIP. 381 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,673 - YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU? 382 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,508 - NO. - OH, MY GOD. 383 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,153 - YOU DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE ON A BASKETBALL SCHOLARSHIP? 384 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,178 - I'M 5'7", FORREST. - LOOK AT HIM. NO. 385 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,545 - AND WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS ELECTED, 386 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,393 YOU CONGRATULATED ME. 387 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,520 - WELL, YOU VOTED FOR HIM, RIGHT? 388 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,885 - [scoffs] - I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND THAT, 389 00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,234 LIKE BRUCE WILLIS IN THE SIXTH SENSE-- 390 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,790 SPOILER ALERT-- 391 00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:04,058 I HAD BEEN A RACIST ALL ALONG. 392 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:07,367 GENE, IT SEEMS, HAD LEARNED TO LIVE WITH THAT FACT LONG AGO, 393 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,400 BUT HE DID GIVE ME ONE VERY IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE. 394 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,767 - NEVER, EVER-- AND I DO RECOMMEND THIS-- 395 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,376 GO AROUND CALLING ANYBODY THAT. 396 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:17,809 - OH, THAT--YEAH, I'LL GET RID OF THAT ONE, 397 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,614 'CAUSE THAT SEEMED TO UPSET EVERYONE. 398 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,246 - YEAH. 399 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,581 - UP TILL NOW, IT'S BEEN A BLESSING TO BE IN DENIAL 400 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,416 ABOUT MY RACIST FEELINGS. 401 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,722 ACKNOWLEDGING THEM HAS MADE ME FEEL AS STUPID AND DISGUSTING 402 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,885 AS THAT MORON WITH THE NAZI FLAG. 403 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,763 BEING A RACIST-- HALF A STAR. 404 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,433 - UGH, FORREST. - YES? 405 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,802 - NO, IT SHOULD GET NO STARS. 406 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,470 - WELL, WE DON'T DO ZERO STARS. 407 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,069 - BUT IT'S RACISM. 408 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,138 - YES, BUT HALF A STAR IS OUR LOWEST RATING. 409 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,600 WE HAD A LONG MEETING ABOUT IT. 410 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,267 THIS IS NOT THE FIRST. - WHO KNEW? [laughs] 411 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,506 - I DIDN'T. - YEAH, WELL, YOU MIGHT HAVE. 412 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,814 - YEAH. 413 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,453 [fanfare plays] 414 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,186 - I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT'S IN STORE FOR ME NEXT. 415 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,492 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT, FORREST. 416 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,563 - GOOD. 417 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,191 - THIS ONE'S FROM @MEATSMURDERS 418 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,896 IN RIDGEWOOD, NEW JERSEY. SHE TWEETS... 419 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:19,465 - WOW, HAVING TO HUNT AND KILL AN ANIMAL TO EAT IT. 420 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,566 I ADMIT--THAT MAKES ME VERY, VERY SQUEAMISH. 421 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:25,148 BUT I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO WHAT ALL MEN ONCE DID 422 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,878 OUT OF SHEER, SAVAGE NECESSITY-- 423 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:31,684 ROUND UP A TELEVISION CREW AND HEAD TO THE HUNT. 424 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,918 I'VE CHOSEN THIS SPOT HERE 425 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,192 IN THE ANGELES CREST NATIONAL FOREST, 426 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:38,592 A PLACE WHERE I CAN FIND AN ANIMAL AND SLAY IT 427 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,985 AND SKIN IT AND THEN DEVOUR IT. 428 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,497 AND I'M HERE UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS 429 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,829 BECAUSE THERE SIMPLY WASN'T TIME 430 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,833 TO ARRANGE FOR THE NECESSARY PERMITS, 431 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,435 AND SO WE'RE-- WE'RE JUST DOING IT THIS WAY. 432 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,038 I'M ACCOMPANIED BY MY FATHER-IN-LAW, 433 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,997 JACK WALTHALL, WHO BROUGHT ALONG THE RIFLE 434 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,938 AND THE HUNTING SMARTS AND ALSO THE RUGGED INDIVIDUALISM 435 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,184 OF A BYGONE ERA, RIGHT? 436 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,339 - HELLO. - VERY GOOD. 437 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,947 NOW, JACK, YOU HAD A VERY 438 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:02,618 INTERESTING AND SORT OF CLEVER-SOUNDING HUNTING PLOY. 439 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,149 YOU CARE TO SHARE THAT WITH US? - OH. 440 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,651 WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY MY IDEA, FORREST. 441 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:10,156 IT'S S.O.P.--IT'S STANDARD OPERATING...SOMETHING ELSE. 442 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,157 - UH, RIGHT. 443 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,991 - IT'S DOE'S SCENT. 444 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:16,595 IT'S ESTRUS URINE OF A DOE. 445 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,299 NOW, THIS WILL ATTRACT A BUCK, AND THEN ALL YOU NEED TO DO 446 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,272 IS FIRE A BULLET OFF AT HIS VITAL ORGANS, 447 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,971 AND YOU'RE IN BUSINESS. - YES, GOOD. OKAY. 448 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,173 VERY GOOD. THAT'S PRETTY INGENIOUS. 449 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,843 I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE, BUT I'M ABOUT TO TAKE IT 450 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,844 A BIG STEP FORWARD. 451 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,546 JOSH, WILL YOU PLEASE BRING THE DOE-COY OUT HERE, WON'T YOU? 452 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,179 - OKAY. - I HAPPENED TO BE IN POSSESSION 453 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,054 OF A NONRETURNABLE $4,000 SEX DOLL, 454 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,953 AND I WAS EAGER TO FIND ALTERNATE USES FOR HER. 455 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,986 HER SPECIFIC TALENT SEEMED PERFECT FOR TONIGHT'S MISSION. 456 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,321 - WHAT IS THAT? 457 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,056 IT LOOKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DEAD LADY. 458 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:48,961 - YES, WELL, ON ANY OTHER NIGHT, PERHAPS, BUT TONIGHT SHE IS 459 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:52,625 THE SEXIEST DOE IN ALL OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 460 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,195 OH, THAT LOOKS GREAT! 461 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,701 THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD LOOK. 462 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:56,795 - I'VE SEEN WORSE IN BARS, I'LL TELL YOU. 463 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,066 - [laughs] - YOU HAVE? 464 00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,414 - THAT'S FANTASTIC. 465 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,209 HEY, COME AND GET HER, ALL YOU BUCKS! 466 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,481 TRUST ME, SHE'S NO PRUDE! [laughter] 467 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,550 - SHE'S INTO WHATEVER YOU'RE INTO! 468 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,308 [laughter] - THAT'S GREAT. 469 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,617 HEY, JOSH, YOU BROUGHT THE BOLT CUTTERS, RIGHT? 470 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,718 - YEAH, YEAH. - OKAY, GOOD. 471 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,749 IN TRUTH, THE IDEA OF A FIREARM 472 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,954 IN THE HANDS OF A 75-YEAR-OLD MAN 473 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,816 IN LOW-VISIBILITY CONDITIONS 474 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,325 MADE ME TERRIBLY NERVOUS, BUT I WAS DETERMINED 475 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,928 TO CARRY ON FOR THE SAKE OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. 476 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,630 WELL, IT DOES SEEM A LITTLE BIT CRUEL 477 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,462 TO GET THE BUCKS' HOPES UP LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW? 478 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,267 THEY THINK THEY'RE GONNA GET SOME ACTION, RIGHT? 479 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,399 [chuckles] BUT WHEN YOU'RE HUNTING, 480 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:29,965 YOU USE EVERY TOOL AT YOUR DISPOSAL, RIGHT? 481 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,942 WHETHER IT'S A GUN OR A SUPERIOR INTELLECT. 482 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,511 NOW, MY QUESTION IS, WHERE THE BEST PLACE-- 483 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,741 [tiger roars] OH! 484 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,105 [all screaming, tiger roaring] 485 00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,253 - WHAT THE HECK? - MR. MACNEIL! 486 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,775 [screaming, animals roaring] 487 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,812 - WHAT'S HAPPENED? MR. MACNEIL! 488 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,778 - HE'S EATING ME! 489 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,316 [screams] [animals screeching] 490 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,593 - MR. MACNEIL, WHERE ARE YOU? - FORREST, WHERE ARE YOU? 491 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,761 - THE TIGER IS ATTACKING ME! 492 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,290 THIS IS A GOD DAMN TIGER! - I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM! 493 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,626 - HE'S OVER THERE! - OH, GOD! 494 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,131 - OH, MY [bleep] GOD! 495 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:57,662 [tiger growls] - THERE'S A [bleep] TIGER! 496 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,527 - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - NO! 497 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,196 - WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP? 498 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:01,270 - WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP? - SHOOT THE TIGER! - OH. 499 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,338 - SHOOT THE TIGER! - OH. 500 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,099 STAND BACK. - [screams] 501 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,706 [gunshot] 502 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,108 [all screaming, shouting] 503 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,340 [gunshots] 504 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,507 - AS IT TURNS OUT, WE ACCIDENTALLY DROVE 505 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:16,645 INTO SILVER-SCREEN STAR TIPPI HEDREN'S BIG-CAT PRESERVE. 506 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:19,453 AND THEN THE AGE-OLD RIVALRY OF MAN VERSUS BEAST 507 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,016 PLAYED OUT ONCE AGAIN. 508 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,563 LIKE THE ANCIENT HUNTERS, IN THE END, 509 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:26,290 OUR MASTERY OF TOOLS SAVED ME. 510 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:30,056 IN THIS CASE, THE TIGER CHOKED ON MY MICROPHONE AND DIED. 511 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,226 - BETTER HIM THAN YOU. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SAD 512 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,795 TO KEEP DOING THE SHOW WITHOUT YOU. 513 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,744 - SAD, YES, BUT ALSO IMPOSSIBLE. 514 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,670 - RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 515 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,237 IMPOSSIBLE. - YES. 516 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,735 HUNTING IS A MIXED BAG-- 517 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,876 TERRIFYING, EXHILARATING, AND FAIRLY CRUEL-- 518 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,923 3 1/2 STARS. 519 00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,530 - WE HAVE A TIGER-ATTACK SITUATION! 520 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,489 - HE'S DEAD. HE'S GONNA BE DEAD. - THIS IS A CLASSIC CASE 521 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,428 OF THE HUNTER BECOMING HUNTED. - HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 522 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,433 - IF I REMAIN VERY CALM, 523 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,525 I BELIEVE I CAN GET THROUGH THIS, 524 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,567 AND I AM ENTIRELY AT THE MERCY OF THIS TIGER. 39768

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