Original subtitles

(ambient music)

(laughing)

(erasers clapping)

- Boy.

You could've saved me an awful lot

of trouble in grammar school.

(laughing)

- You?

Cleaning the erasers?

Oh come now Tim, I don't visualize you as the teacher's pet.

- Oh yeah.

Listen, I had a real beat.

And she was a swinger.

(laughing)

Well oh listen.

For you a little something to

celebrate your new status as teacher.

Although frankly Hilmore, I have the vaguest idea

why you're getting involved in all this.

- Well Tim, I did think it was about time

I made some financial contribution around here.

And when Mrs. Brown told me that she knew of this boy,

Eddy Prescott, who needed some gray matter.

- Eddy Prescott?

That is a hard way to make a buck.

- Yeah, I understand he is a bit of a terror.

- Well a 12-year-old hardened criminal is more like it.

(laughing)

Of course I guess kids do toughen up

in this California climate.

(laughing) Do you like it?

Open it.

- Oh Tim.

You shouldn't have.

(light music)

(buzzing)

(yelping)

- Oh come on Uncle Martin, they're not the crown jewels

they're just a simple pair of silver cuff links.

- Get those silver cuff links out of this apartment.

- What happened?

- Silver.

They were practically pure silver.

- I know, I paid for them.

(laughing)

- Silver is disaster for a martian's electrical system.

Especially pure silver.

If I come close to pure silver,

it discharges my high tension nervous system.

And short circuits the solid state

protoplasma transistors in my brain, brain!

- Simpler on the money.

Make it simpler.

- Simpler.

Simpler, eh?

Simpler for a simpleton.

Alright, then it changes me into a bird brain.

- He he, hords.

- Well anyway Tim it's the thought that counts.

But here after, stick to gold and platinum.

They reinforce a martian's electrical field.

- Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll trade in the silver cuff links

and get you a platinum bath tub.

- That sounds like a great idea.

But don't have anything engraved on it.

- Oh?

- We martians don't like to be ostentatious.

(laughing)

(beeping)

(ambient music)

(beeping)

(victorious music)

(cheerful music)

- Straighten up boy!

Shoulders back!

- I like round shoulders.

(laughing)

- I want you to make a good impression on this new tutor.

- I don't like him.

- You have never met him!

- He'll give up, like all my teachers.

(laughing)

- I intend to see you go through the Air Force Academy

in the old family tradition.

(chuckles)

Off we go into the wild blue yonder!

Off we go into the wild blue yonder!

- You know I get air sick every time I hear that song.

(laughing)

Learn something by the Beatles.

(laughing)

- Oh if I thought it would do any good I would spank you.

- Let's not get rough.

Remember my braces?

(laughing)

They cost you 2,000 dollars.

Two grand worth of silver.

(laughing)

(patriotic music)

- What's that for?

- Well I thought we could use a little school room touch.

(cheerful music) (laughing)

(suspenseful music)

(laughing)

- Come on Martin will you cut that out.

(laughing)

- Just a thought.

(laughing) (knocking)

Outside that front door at this very moment

there stands one small cloud of juvenile

evil and incorrigibility.

That would be young Eddy Prescott.

(laughing) (cheerful music)

- Call me if you need any judo holds broken.

(laughing)

- Well you must be Eddy Prescott.

- Yeah.

(laughing)

- Please come in.

(suspenseful music)

Won't you sit down?

(laughing)

(eerie music)

- Hey quit pushing me.

Hey. (laughing)

(closes door)

- I'm terribly sorry, Eddy,

but you must have stumbled.

- I did not stumble. You pushed me.

- I was several feet away from you, young man,

and I did not touch you.

- Forget it.

I hate studying.

- Have you ever tried it?

- No.

- Well then don't knock it until you've tried it.

- And I don't like teachers either.

- I understand your father's in the Air Force.

- Yeah, Missile Command.

Off we go into the wild blue yonder.

Like that.

- He tells me he'd like you to go

into the Air Force Academy.

(disgusted groan)

- Is that an opinion or a missile taking off?

(laughing)

- When does the tutoring start?

- Right now.

- Well you might as well give up right now.

I'm not gonna learn anything.

(eerie music)

- Which is it Eddy?

You won't learn or you can't learn.

- What does that mean?

- It means that I think you are pretending to be dumb.

- I am not pretending, I am dumb.

- You think you're too dumb to get in the Air Force Academy.

You feel you've let your father down.

- Well you don't know how smart he is.

How can anyone be that smart?

Not me that's for sure.

- Eddy, you're not dumb.

You just never gave yourself a chance to learn.

Your mind is like this blackboard.

Good, but blank.

(ambient music) (writes on blackboard)

It's as easy to learn as it is to write on this blackboard.

The mind is just like that.

What's written on it is remembrance.

- Even me?

- Even you, Eddy.

- Gee, Uncle Martin, I never had a teacher like you before.

You even like me, don't you?

- Yes, yes, well,

- Yes, yes, well,

let's not get all caught up in a wave of mortal emotion.

To learning.

Back to English grammar.

Now, let's get down to cases.

Dangling participles.

(ambient music) (writes on blackboard)

(electric buzzing) (beeping)

- Gee what was that?

- Yes what was it?

Sounded like an electrical discharge.

- Felt like I got a shot in the head.

- And I have a kind of echo effect up in my head.

I can learn anything I want to learn, dangling participles.

Now what in heaven's name is that?

(laughing)

(cheerful music)

Now to the Pythagorean theorem.

- What's that?

- You've never had plane geometry?

- Just measles and hooping cough.

(laughing)

- Well plane geometry is a branch of mathematics Eddy.

- Oh my head feels swollen.

- Well our first session will be over soon.

Now just relax and let the information penetrate.

That the sum of the squares of the two sides

is equal to the square of the hypotonus.

For instance, if the sides were three inches

and four inches and the hypotonus was five,

it would be nine plus 16 equals 25, right?

- It's not penetrating Uncle Martin.

- Well it's like water in the desert, Eddy.

The sand is so surprised it takes a while

for the water to soak in.

(buzzing)

(laughing)

(beeping)

- There it goes again.

My head feels more swollen.

- Mmhmm, back to geometry.

What's the triangle doing up there?

- You were telling me about the Pythagorean theorem.

- Telling you what the what?

- The Pythagorean theorem, you know,

where the sum of the squares of the sides

is equal to the square of the hypotonus.

- Yes, well...

(laughing)

I think that's enough for today, Eddy.

I'll see you at the same time tomorrow.

- Boy, wait until I tell Pop and Mom

all I know about English grammar and geometry.

Bye Uncle Martin.

- English grammar and geometry.

He knows all about it and I can't remember a thing.

- Well how'd it go?

- Tim sit down over there and get ready

with pencil and paper.

(laughing)

- You're kidding.

Come on Uncle Martin you're not tutoring me.

- Stop that nonsense and sit down, Tim.

Start a checklist of my brains.

(laughing) - What?

- Start a checklist of the things that I know.

Meteorology.

(beeping)

Present.

Plane geometry.

(wooshing)

Missing.

- What?

- Missing.

- You're kidding.

- English grammar.

(wooshing)

Missing.

- You're kidding?

- I don't even know what a dangling participle is.

(wooshing)

(laughing)

- Missing. (laughing)

- Intergalactic navigation.

- How do you spell that?

(wooshing)

- I don't know.

(laughing) It's missing.

- Say, Uncle Martin look,

what about your extrasensory perception?

You know, well, your mind reading

and your levitation all that.

(beeping)

- Present.

Tim, however I'm facing some kind of a diabolical plot.

- What do you mean?

- Some of my magnificent martian brains are missing.

(dramatic music)

(cheerful music) (yawning)

(sniffing) - Now you made coffee yet?

- No, is it morning already?

- Yeah, did you finish your brain checklist yet?

- Oh no, that's the curse of being so gifted.

It may take days to list all of the learning

that I have packed in my head.

- How much is missing?

- I don't know.

I can't understand it.

There's absolutely no explanation.

- Well have you tried your disappearing act?

(ambient music)

(laughing)

- Help I'm maimed.

- How about a splint?

(laughing)

(eerie music)

- Part of my disappearing brains are missing.

- How could you lose your brains?

- Well either I'm being robbed or I have a slow leak.

(laughing)

Slow leak.

Slow leak.

Captain Prescott.

Coming up.

Grateful and confused.

- Lots of luck.

(laughing)

(dramatic music)

- Oh, oh, I'm Captain Prescott.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.

You are doing wonders with my boy.

- Well he's a very bright and willing student.

- Bright and willing.

You're talking about Eddy?

Eddy Prescott?

- Of course.

Quick, bright, responsive, obedient, polite, and thoughtful.

- My son?

Well, I...

- Undoubtedly, he'll be able to enter the Air Force Academy

with flying colors.

- All those books he was reading this morning.

Celestial navigation, missile physics, fission nucleonics.

- He was reading those?

This morning? - Yeah.

(laughing) (dramatic music)

- Boy when you tutor you really tutor.

- Well that's just it.

I didn't mention those subjects to Eddy.

And they're part of my robbed brain.

- You mean Eddy is the brain robber?

Well what a story this would make for my paper.

I can just see the headlines now,

The Great Brain Robbery.

(laughing)

- Hi Son.

- Hi Pop.

Say Pop, do you have any books

on missile fuels for outer space?

And what about the state of our research program

and the nuclear reactors of particle propulsion?

(laughing)

- Well I'm gonna have another little talk with your tutor.

(laughing)

- And it has to be a short circuit.

- Well at least you haven't lost your brains

about martian physiology.

Oh listen, I have a question for you.

After this experiment, do you think I may be able

to get these things to work normally again?

- If by normal you mean the inadequate television

by which Earth people are satisfied, yes you are correct.

- What's this rig gonna show?

- A little wiring change has converted them

to a brain tester and internal analyzer.

Now examine the screen closely with this.

- Huh, alright.

What am I looking for?

- A slow leak. (laughing)

My brains could escape from over-intelligence pressure.

(laughing)

- I haven't the faintest idea what a slow leak looks like.

Oh.

Oh, here's something looks sorta

like a, a hammer hitting an anvil.

- That's just my headache.

Oh it can't be a slow leak.

There's something about Eddy.

Something that's triggering my override diaphragms

and collapsing the fail-safe interlock.

(ambient music)

Uh-oh, Captain Prescott.

Coming up the stairs and very, very suspicious of me.

I'll have to use some diversionary tech.

- Off you go into the wild blue yonder.

(laughing)

- Come in Captain.

(door closes)

I know why you've come over.

- You do?

- Of course.

You see I knew how anxious you were

for Eddy to be interested in the Air Force,

space and missiles and things like that.

- I would like the boy to go to the Academy, yes.

- So I sort of got him interested in space.

Let's say I undertook a bit of diplomacy

at the 12-year-old level.

- Yes, but I'm rather concerned about his topics.

- Naturally I know very little about such matters.

So I'm afraid I invented some things.

Pure fiction of course.

Science-fiction.

- Oh.

Oh yes.

Oh yes.

Then his interest in my books,

that would be his source of information.

- Well certainly not me.

I know absolutely nothing about space.

(laughing)

- Sir, you are doing a magnificent job.

Simply magnificent.

- Thank you.

- No not at all, thank you sir.

(patriotic music)

- Now if Eddy will just stop putting my brains on display.

(laughing)

Your father was over a while ago, Eddy.

And he's very impressed with your progress.

- It's just great at home now, Uncle Martin.

Mom's proud and Pop's grinning from ear to ear.

- That's just wonderful, Eddy.

Tell me, do you like television?

Tell me, do you like television?

- Sure.

But, well it takes time from study.

(ambient music)

What are you doing?

- You'll see.

(ambient music)

- You're not gonna have me watch TV.

- Just a few perception tests.

Now sit down, right there.

That's it.

- There's no sound.

- That's alright, now, now,

just concentrate on that picture.

Now what do you see?

- Just some lines.

- Good heavens.

Even your eight sinus cavities are filled with brains.

- What?

- Oh, I,

I said that you are,

you're getting so smart that your sinus cavities

will soon be full of brains.

(buzzing) (beeping)

(laughing)

- There it goes again.

- Your mouth.

Those braces, what are they made of?

- Silver.

- Silver?

Silver braces?

Eddy, Eddy now this is very important.

Don't get up, no, no, no, don't come any closer.

- Whatever you say, but why?

- Why? Why?

- Why? Why?

Oh well, well it's my eyes they're very sensitive today.

It's all that glare.

- Okay, I thought you were gonna make fun of me.

- Oh no, no, no, no, Eddy not that, not that.

Intergalactic astronomy.

(whooshing)

Gone.

(laughing) (knocking)

(suspenseful music)

- Oh excuse me, I have news for Eddy.

Oh son, I've just been transferred to Washington.

- We've gotta move again?

- I'm sorry boy.

We have to be on that plane by 8 o'clock tonight.

- Tonight?

You're moving to Washington and you're taking Eddy with you?

- Yes.

And just when Eddy's been making

such wonderful progress with you.

I'm sorry.

Oh look Eddy don't worry about packing.

Your mother and I will tend to those things.

We'll see you.

(ambient music)

- I'm sorry too, Uncle Martin.

Everything was going so swell at home.

School, with the other kids.

- You've learned how to study, Eddy.

You want to learn.

It'll be easy from now on.

- Are you sure?

I won't just be dumb?

- Never again, Eddy.

Never again.

- I better help Mom and Pop pack.

- Of course, Eddy.

- Can I see you before I go?

- Oh yes, yes, of course.

Tim.

Tim, come out quick.

I know now what's happened to my brains.

That boy's mouth is filled with braces, silver braces.

(laughing)

- Well what's that got to do with it?

- The electrical attraction of all that silver

overloaded my synaptic microswitch in my pituitary.

He bloated it and allowed a high intensity electrical drain.

- Oh, so that's he got your brains.

- Mhm, getting them back will take an

enormous amount of electrical energy

and I have until 8 o'clock tonight.

- Oh, oh, oh. (laughing)

I lost my brains.

I can feel the electricity.

(laughing)

- Not humorous.

Now the Prescotts leave at 8 p.m. for Washington D.C.

The formula for getting my brains back

should be very simple.

I lost them by superior electrical discharge.

I'll simply reverse the process.

Now let's see how much electricity I can produce.

(buzzing) (eerie music)

(laughing)

(whistling)

(dramatic music)

- Ah, boy is that hot.

Oh.

- Not nearly enough electricity to get all my brains back.

But time is short, I'll have to try.

I'll have to find some way of getting Eddy alone.

- Yeah, but what's gonna happen to him, Uncle Martin?

He's so happy now being smart.

His mother and father are happy.

He's got friends.

- I'm not heartless.

- It was just a thought.

- If and when I get my brains back it will leave a vacuum.

Now nature abhors the vacuum.

It will fill the vacuum with knowledge.

The boy will be left with a burning thirst for knowledge.

- Well, alright, alright.

- The important thing is his attitude toward learning.

He knows he can now and he wants to.

- Okay, I said alright.

- He has friends.

He's happy.

He'll still be happy when I take back my brains.

(ambient music) (knocking)

- Hello Eddy, may I come in?

- Sure, we're packing.

(door shuts)

(eerie music) (buzzing)

- Woah.

I'm sorry Mrs. Prescott isn't here to meet you.

She's at the airport picking up the tickets.

There's more stuff ready for the barrels as you ready.

- Okay Pop.

(ambient music)

(buzzing) (beeping)

(laughing)

- What was that?

- I tripped.

Over an extension cord.

(ringing)

- Hello?

Oh yes dear.

Yes, a little after six.

Alright.

Bye.

Eddy, you better go up and change.

We have to leave in an hour.

- Okay Pop.

- That boy's gonna miss you, sorry.

- We,

I mean I don't have very much time so if you'll,

well please tell,

tell the good bye. - Oh sure.

Would you write me and let me know how he's getting on?

- Certainly, certainly.

- Thank you.

- [Both] Good bye.

- Bye.

(ambient music)

- Any luck? - No.

Tim, there's only one way to get my brains back.

I'll have to do it with my space ship.

I'll need two clouds, one negative and one positive.

With the boy in the negative cloud

and me in the positive cloud I can

use the full polarization power of my space ship

as a magnet and pull my brains back.

Come on.

(laughing)

(ship engine revving)

(beeping)

- Just one chance.

But I wonder what the noise will be like.

When my brains leave Eddy's head and

that vacuum suddenly develops in there.

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

(buzzing)

(laughing) (beeping)

Celestial navigation. (beeping)

Check.

Wash on ecology. (beeping)

Check.

Plane geometry. (beeping)

Check.

Intergalactic navigation. (beeping)

Check.

(laughing)

Captain Prescott says that he and Eddy

are comfortably settled at his new place

and that everything is going fine with the boy.

- Does he have anything to say

about the great brain robbery?

- Oh heavens, says he is a bit disappointed over Eddy

not being as knowledgeable as he was here with us.

But he seems to be making things up

with his great thirst for higher learning.

Well, as I once said to William Shakespeare,

thus have I politically begun my reign,

it is my hope to end successfully.

Go to, go to, all's well that ends well.

- Hey look, it's from the telephone company.

They sent back that dime I lost

in the telephone booth last week.

(buzzing)

- Put that thing away it's a dime, it's silver.

(laughing)

- To be or not to be that is the question.

(laughing)

- Oh well I guess your brain stealing a little bit

of my Shakespeare knowledge can't hurt.

- Was it by opposing and them dying?

Sleep.

Perchance to dream.

(snoring)

(laughing)

(victorious music)

(ambient music)