All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E37.Uncle.Martins.Wisdom.Tooth.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_01.ENG

- Martin?

Oh it's me.

Yeah.

- Uncle Martin, I'm home!

Well that might've
worked for King Kong,

but on you it
looks pretty silly.

- Oh, Tim, Tim, I
didn't hear you come in.

I was so absorbed.

Tim, I'm in a lot of trouble.

- What is it?

- I have a toothache.

You see?

Where'd I go?

I was just here.

Oh, there I am.

- What is it, what's the matter?

- Oh, it's you.

Tim.

- Uncle Martin, what
is wrong with you?

- I've just told you,
I have a toothache.

- But why can't you see?

Do you know where
you're looking?

- Oh, I can see.

It's my sense of
depth that's off.

Also, the images that are
being projected by my retina,

they're out of whack.

You see Tim, in a
Martian, the optic nerve

is tied in with the
levitating nerve.

I'd illustrate, but I don't
know what I'd be raising.

- From a toothache,
you can't see?

- Of course, it's very simple.

It's the eye tooth.

(eerie music)

(beeping)

(mischievous music)

- Oh.

Oh, I'm afraid you're
still out of whack.

How do you feel?

- The same.

There's no pain, but
the retina images, I...

Well, they...

And my field of focus, it...

I'm all mixed up, Tim.

I need help.

- Well Uncle Martin, look.

Well maybe during my lunch
hour I can stop by here

and I'll pick you up, I
can take you downtown,

I'll take you right
to a good oculist.

- Oculist?

Who needs an oculist?

I need a dentist.

Tim.

This is as good a time
as any to talk to you

about something that
has been bothering me.

Lately I've had the
feeling that you've been

taking me for granted.

Treating me just
like an earthling.

I'm not one of you, Tim.

I'm a Martian, with
different reactions

and different responses.

I have problems that are
unique to you people.

- Uncle Martin.

- Who's there?

- Uncle Martin, look,
I'm really becoming

concerned about you.

Now, I think it's getting worse.

- It is getting worse,
and it's gonna get worser.

- Worser?

- All those things you
insisted I do last night.

Putting oil of cloves on
my tooth, cold compresses,

and this ridiculous thing.

Charming little
homemade remedies, Tim.

But Earth is not my home.

I repeat, I am a Martian.

I have an ache in my eye tooth.

Take me to your dentist!

- I'll take you to my dentist.

- Well please be quick
about it, will you?

- Uncle Martin.

- Hmm?

- Are you sure you
don't need an oculist?

- For a problem
with my eye tooth?

Maybe you'd go to an oculist,
but I go to a dentist.

And while you're downtown, I
think it would be a good idea

for you to stop off and
get yourself a haircut.

Unruly hair is the
business of an unruly mind.

How'd a big green
dog get in here?

That's lovely.

It's Picasso, isn't it?

- That is the directory board.

- Oh.

Well I was wondering why we
stopped to examine a painting.

- There it is, Dr.
Little, room 304.

Must be this way.

You don't know the sacrifice
I'm making for you.

I haven't been in to see
Herbie in over two years.

He's gonna be mad at me just
for neglecting my teeth.

- Well how mad can he get?

After all, you finally
showed up, didn't you?

- Showed up?

This is your appointment.

- No no, Tim, it's
your appointment.

- Uncle Martin.

- Yes?

- I made the
appointment for you.

This is your appointment.

- Tim, I can't visit
with your dentist.

I can't have an appointment.

My teeth aren't like yours.

The minute he started working
on me, he'd be thunderstruck.

- Thunderstruck?

- We Martians have more
teeth than you Earth people.

- [Tim] How many?

- 52.

With absolutely no cavities.

Oh, now and then a little
something goes wrong.

But as far as the teeth
themselves are concerned,

they are absolutely perfect.

And of a substance totally
foreign to your Earth dentists.

- Then what are we doing here?

- It's very simple, Tim.

You made the appointment
in the name of Mr. O'Hara,

so you can keep it.

All I want to do is get
inside a dentist's office.

I need some dental
powders and pumice he has.

- How you gonna do that?

- Listen, Uncle Martin,
this isn't gonna work.

- Of course it is.

- No, no.

I'm gonna cut out.

I forgot to tell
you how chicken I am

when it comes to the dentist.

- Don't worry, I'm
here to protect you.

- How can you do anything
with the way you see?

I mean, talk about
cockeyed optimists.

- There are times,
Tim, when (mumbling)

Now I don't expect
you to move mountains,

but I would appreciate
a bit more confidence

in my superior abilities.

- What are you doing?

- I have placed my
tongue over my eye tooth.

It's a bit painful and awkward,

but for as long
as I can hold it,

it's as accurate and bullseye

as my vision can ever, ever be.

Now, watch.

One dentist prober going up,

and one dentist
prober coming down.

Now.

Now you just sit quietly,

because the dentist is
about to come in here,

and he's going to
be glad to see you.

As a matter of fact...

Oh, he's coming in now, and
he's very happy to see you.

- Well, Tim.

Hello there, old buddy,
long time no see.

- Hi Herbie.

- Hi.

- You look just great.

- Thanks.

- This is my uncle, Martin.

- How do you do?

- Hi.

Well, let's see what
we have with you here.

Ah ha.

Tim, the mirror?

(humming)

Just looking, but a
good cleaning would...

(electronic zapping
and whirring)

- Ow.

Ow, I bit my tongue.

- It never did that.

Excuse me, I better
go check the fuse box.

- Have you gone mad?

- Did he leave, did he leave?

- Yes.

- Then follow him, follow him,

keep him out there.

I can't get a good
look in his cabinet

with him in the room.

- You're not gonna
get a good look at it

with him out of the room either.

Now will you please put that
tongue back in your tooth?

You darn near killed me

just pointing your
finger at that chair.

If I leave you in this room
alone, you'll destroy the place.

- No no no no, the
chair was an accident.

My finger slipped,
and I hurt my tongue.

When I saw all those
wonderful powders he has,

I bit myself in the excitement.

- I don't care where
you bit yourself.

- It hurts.

Now will you please
get out of here?

And keep him out there now.

Don't let him come
back in the room.

- Okay, all right.

But keep a civil tongue
on your eye tooth.

- I will.

But keep him out there.

- They all look fine to me.

- That one?

- Nope, nope, looks fine.

- How about that one?

- Huh?

Which one?

- Oh, any one.

- That's good, that's like
our GL white duck pumice.

- How about that one?

Well I saw one of them
glow a little bit.

- Norma, the light, Norma.

Norma, oh, isn't
that a nice name?

Nurse Norma.

You know, if you put an
L at the end of that,

you have Nurse Normal, but
that couldn't be you, no,

because you're so far
ahead of the pack.

Which reminds me, what are
you doing, like tonight?

- Tim.

- All right, Herbie,
listen, we're old friends,

I met her before.

- Oh no you haven't.

Perhaps you met my twin sister,
but you never met me before.

- You?

You have a twin sister?

Oh, oh, what I meant was,
maybe I met you in my dreams,

but if you have a twin sister,
oh you just gotta be kidding.

Listen, I want
your phone number.

- Will you come on?

- All right, all right.

If you won't give me
your phone number,

how about your zip code?

Area code?

- Tim.

Would you take me home?

- Home?

- Yeah, I've suddenly
developed a bad headache.

- Oh, and he doesn't
drive either,

so I guess I'll just have
to take him home then.

- You?

Well you're in the
middle of an examination.

- Well I was, Herbie, but
I know you'll forgive me.

I'm just afraid of
dentists, that's all.

- Tim.

- And I'll come back later,
maybe next week without him,

or maybe the day after
that, or the day after that.

- You're gonna leave?

You're just going to leave?

- I don't like to do
that, but let's face it,

you do have something
wrong with your fusebox,

and the drill would
never work properly,

and then the lights would
never work either, Herbie.

And actually, what?

- Tim, stay.

- No!

- There, that does it.

Mhmm.

Now.

Tim?

Yeah, Tim?

(whistles)

- Over here.

- Oh.

Tim, here.

You just guide
this in for me now.

- All right.

- No no no, don't touch
it, don't touch it,

just guide it in.

- Okay.

No no no no no.

Back toward me.

Toward me, toward me,
that's it, that's it.

All right, no no,
down, down, down.

Down, down, down, down, down.

No no, no, back to your
right, to your right,

to your right, to your right.

That's it, now back, back, back,

that's it, up, up, up, up.

Ah, right on.

(chuckles)

Do all Martians do
their own dental work?

- It's not as unusual
as you might think, Tim.

It's the same thing
as you Earth people

curing your own colds,
headaches, and stomach pains.

A well educated Martian child

learns his dentistry
in grade school.

- Grade school?

- Of course, he first must
complete internal medicine

and pediatrics.

- A child?

- On Mars, the brain is
available for education

at the moment of birth.

A Martian child
at the age of six

is comparable to your Earth's
greatest nuclear physicists.

Matter of fact, I have
a nephew on Phobos

who's only 13 years old,

and he's already
discovered a cure

for which there is
no known ailment.

- Come on, stop messing around.

- I did it, Tim, I did it.

Now I'm in really trouble.

I didn't fix my
tooth, I crossed it.

I have crossed eye teeth!

- But everything
looks okay to me.

- Of course.

Looks deceive.

It's an old Martian aphorism.

- It's an Earth aphorism too.

But as far as I'm concerned,
you look just fine.

- Well that's the problem
with the crossed eye tooth.

Everything looks
fine externally.

Internally, everything's
all cockeyed, reversed,

upside down, inside out.

- Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Do you mean that I...

Well, you know, that
I look to you like...

- That's right.

You're walking on your head
and your feet need a haircut.

- Well Uncle Martin,
what are we gonna do?

- Extraction.

Of course if I was on Mars,
I could radio beam it out.

But here on Earth, well.

When in Rome.

- We have that aphorism too.

- Oh?

Well I thought I
just made it up.

- Uncle Martin,
what are you doing?

What is it, what are you after?

- Well, there's piece of string,

I thought it was
in this cabinet.

This is the cabinet, isn't it?

- Yes, here.

Is this what you're looking for?

- Oh, I found it.

- Uncle Martin, you are
gonna try and remove a tooth

with a piece of string?

- Mhmm.

Tie it to the doorknob.

I may have to take
out both eye teeth.

They are crossed.

Now, when I count to three,

I want you to slam the door.

- All right, but
this is for kids,

it's not gonna work for you.

- Well, in practicality,

what is happening
is that my mature,

normally adult Martian
teeth are now baby teeth.

- Baby teeth?

- Mhmm, and if we don't hurry...

- What?

What?

- Before baby teeth, (mumbles).

- Hmm?

(mumbles)

Gum, gums!

Gums.

- There's a refreshing prospect.

In a crossed eye tooth,
my insides go cockeyed,

and if I don't do
something about it,

they'll recede and I'll be gums.

Now I don't mind being the
first Martian on Earth,

but I do mind being the
first Martian on Earth

who eats baby food.

- All tied, I'm ready.

- All right, now.

You go outside, and
when I count to three,

you shut the door, hard.

- Right.

- Okay?

One million, 999,000, 998,000...

- What are you doing?

- Counting to three.

- [Tim] Backward?

- You see?

I told you I'm backward.

Now, one.

- Two.

- Three!

(door slams)

It doesn't work.

- That is an understatement.

- Well obviously a
Martian's baby teeth

are still superior
to Earth substances.

Tim, I've asked you before,
and I must ask you again,

take me to your dentist.

- What?

- We must visit with
your Dr. Little again.

- After what I did, what we did?

I mean, the fuse box,
the chair, the drill?

The nurse.

- It's necessary.

I must do a major extraction.

Use his tools.

- But how are you gonna explain
barging into his office,

and then acting like
a couple of clowns

and stealing off like
two thieves in the night?

- Easy.

Instant hypnosis.

I'll draw him on a
discussion of anesthetics,

and then I'll put him under.

Oh now look, if you're
going to stand there

holding that door
knob, that's one thing.

But if you're going to
help me, that's another.

Now please.

- Would you mind
leaving me alone?

- Yes.

- And I have no intention of
giving you my phone number.

- Well come on, I'm just
trying to be friendly.

- Friendly, you?

No thanks.

You're supposed to be
Dr. Little's friend.

And if your idea
of being a friend

is to run out in the
middle of an examination...

- Oh, now come on.

He did blow his fusebox, and
Uncle Martin had a headache.

- And if we could've examined
him right then and there,

we would've realized he had
an impacted wisdom tooth

and treated him immediately,

instead of having to come back
and make us squeeze you in

between someone
else's appointment.

- Speaking of squeezing.

- Yes?

- Do you think Dr.
Little's having any trouble

with my Uncle Martin there
in that room in there?

- If you don't open your
mouth, I can't help you.

Now look, you were
the one that called me

and said you had an
impacted wisdom tooth.

And I juggled all my
appointments around

just to fit you in immediately.

But if you don't want
to open your mouth...

Look, Mr. O'Hara, I completely
understand the fright

that overcomes you and many
people in a dentist chair,

but it's completely
old-fashioned.

Yes, look, today, modern
dentistry is totally painless.

I mean, we do magical
things with water streams,

liquid anesthetics.

Anesthetics.

- Sleep.

(snoring)

And move over so I can get up.

Now, you'll forgive me for
not opening my mouth, doctor.

But that's something
a Martian can never do

for an Earth dentist.

You see, the shock and
the sheer visualization

of seeing 52 brilliantly
perfect dental forms

when you look into
a Martian's mouth

is a development that you Earth
dentists should never see.

Now, I'll explain as I go along.

You are under a
form of hypnosis,

but your subconscious
will retain

the beauties of
the self-extraction

you are about to witness.

- All right, I'll tell you what.

Both you and your twin,
you're both beautiful,

I'll take you both out.

- You're both beautiful,
and I'll take you both out.

Are you getting all this?

In cross-eyed teeth,
it sometimes becomes

a double extraction.

- Come on.

Out.

Come on, out.

Don't be stubborn, you
know you have to come out.

So come on, out!

- Come on, out.

Come on out, no
don't be stubborn.

You know you have to
come out, so come out.

When this is over, all
you will remember, doctor,

is that you extracted
my wisdom tooth.

I was a good patient,
and you will not remember

Tim running out on you.

Or the chair going up and down.

Or the buzzing drill.

Or the fusebox.

- Oh, come on now,
this is silly,

you don't hae to sit out here.

- One of us does,
and if you won't...

- Why would you be so
obstinate about me...

- Well, Norma, that
was nice of you

to stay out here with him
while his uncle was inside.

Well, Tim old buddy, there's
nothing to worry about.

One impacted wisdom
tooth, taken right out.

- And we had it gift-wrapped,

because I want to
give it to you.

- [Tim] To me?

- Mhmm, it's my wisdom tooth.

Put it under your pillow
and it will bring you luck.

- No, no, Uncle Martin,

you put it under your pillow

and then the tooth fairy
comes and leaves you money.

- Oh.

Isn't that sweet?

- Doctor.

Was the chair all right?

And the drill?

No trouble?

- Trouble?

- The electricity, the fusebox.

- What and what box?

- My, what beautiful
eyes you have.

(snoring)

- I wish I could do that.

- When you wake up, you will
be happy like Dr. Little,

and you will not
remember the fusebox,

nor the up and down chair,
nor the runaway drill.

- Come on, Uncle Martin.

Get her phone number for me.

Well oh, come on now, I mean,
she's got a twin sister.

- Tim.

In that box is not
my wisdom tooth.

It is my eye tooth.

I only had to pull the one.

The other is sealed off
with a temporary filling.

- An eye tooth?

- Mhmm.

And I want you to have it,
because I want you to see

with possibly a little bit
of the wisdoms that I have.

- Oh, I see.

What you're saying is
that your eye teeth

are something like
our wisdom teeth.

- Yes.

We Martians keep our wisdom

in a safer place than our teeth.

- Then you're not gonna get
her phone number for me, huh?

- See?

You're getting smarter already.

And as I said, when you
awake, you will be very happy,

and healthy, and
wealthy, and wise.

- And you'll give Tim
your phone number.

(whistling)

- Oh, I'm sorry, Tim.

- Uncle Martin, will you
please make yourself visible?

Uncle Martin, what
is the matter?

Why did you bump into me?

Why are you walking
around invisible?

- Well, I thought it
would make me feel better.

Tim, you're losing weight.

- It's back.

- Yeah, the filling fell
out of my eye tooth.

- Come on, I'll show
you back to bed.

- I'll be all right, Tim.

I'll get a good night's
sleep, and tomorrow morning

I'll make a stronger
filling for my eye tooth.

- Yeah, you're sure now
you're gonna be all right?

- Positive, positive,
a temporary setback

is not a permanent thing.

- Uncle Martin,
you know something?

With all of your aphorisms
and your friendship,

well, I just want to thank
you for what you showed me.

And if I take you for granted,
well, it's only because

you're an easy person
to get used to.

- That's very nice.

Thank you, Tim.

- Well, don't forget to put
your tooth under your pillow.

- I already did.

That's a quaint custom
you have down here.

But of course, you Earth people
don't grow your teeth back,

as we Martians do.

- Good night, Uncle Martin.

- 25 cents in a jewel box?

To my Uncle Martin,

a friend in need
is my Uncle Martin.

Thank you for the
wisdom, and the tooth.

Sometimes it gets
very lonely down here.

But in many ways, it's worth it.

(mischievous music)