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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:02,867 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,370 (INTERCOM RINGING) 3 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,436 MAN (ON INTERCOM): Morgan residence. 4 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,213 Oh, hey, this is Mike Tyson 5 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,182 of the Mike Tyson Mystery Team. 6 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,880 We're here about a mystery. 7 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,082 MAN: Oh, yes. 8 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,623 I'll let you right in. 9 00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:20,792 (PHONE RINGING) 10 00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:24,759 Oh, (BLEEP). It's Deezy. 11 00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,089 Hey, Deezy, what's up fool? 12 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,964 Dancing with the Stars? I don't know, man. 13 00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,303 I don't think I want to do that. 14 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,828 Okay, well, then convince me why I should do it. 15 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,204 Dad. 16 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,042 Mmm-hmm, okay, mmm-hmm. 17 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:40,368 -Mmm-hmm... -Dad, the, uh, the gate's closing. 18 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,144 Okay, well, maybe find out how much they pay. 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,114 He's seeing how much it pays. 20 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,846 Shit, when are they going to open the (BLEEP) gate? 21 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,480 It already opened. 22 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,645 What? Deezy, I gotta go man. I got, uh, I got a situation. 23 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,519 Now, what are we going to do? 24 00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,155 Press the button again and ask them to open the gate. 25 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,631 No way, Marquees. 26 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:04,399 That will be embarrassing as shit, man. 27 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,398 No, we got to pretend that we're someone else. 28 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,331 -(INTERCOM RINGING) -MAN: Morgan residence. 29 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:13,906 (IN A CHINESE ACCENT) Oh, special delivery for the Morgan residence. 30 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,508 MAN: Pardon me? 31 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,009 Oh... (BLEEP) 32 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,281 Oh, never mind. 33 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,609 Pigeon, Pigeon, say something. 34 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,383 Uh... 35 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,552 Okay, we're the Mike Tyson Mystery Team. 36 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,051 We (BLEEP) up and didn't drive through when you opened the gate 37 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,523 and we just did a fake accent so... 38 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,062 Will you just open the gate? 39 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,887 And this time we promise to (BLEEP) drive through it. 40 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,163 MAN: Very good. 41 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,829 MIKE: Man, Pigeon, that took some balls. 42 00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:40,702 See, I'd be too embarrassed to say any of that (BLEEP). 43 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,901 You just told them exactly what happened 44 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,773 and it (BLEEP) worked. 45 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,112 Lesson learned. 46 00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,867 See, I got to get over my embarrassment. 47 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,705 That's why I'm scared to do Dancing with the Stars, man. 48 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,881 But it's like, you know, how the (BLEEP) cares? 49 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,420 It's like, "Hey, world, this is Mike Tyson and this how I dance." 50 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,548 "If you don't like it, (BLEEP) you!" 51 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:05,018 Damn, when is this (BLEEP) gonna open the gate? 52 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,785 May I take anyone's coat? 53 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,234 Oh, why thank you. 54 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,297 Oh, you forgot hers. 55 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,200 -I'm fine. -If you will follow me. 56 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,472 They are just finishing up a game of tennis. 57 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,442 PIGEON: What are we doing here again? 58 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,181 MARQUEE: This family is unsure about the man their daughter is marrying 59 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,547 and they want us to find out if there is anything wrong with him. 60 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,047 (TENNIS RACQUET SWISHING) 61 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,978 MAN: Damn! 62 00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,524 Still match point though. 63 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,619 Have a seat, we're almost done. 64 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,864 This won't take long! 65 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,887 (BLEEP) Damn it. Deuce. 66 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,034 (GRUNTS) Darn it! 67 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,630 MAN: Match point again. 68 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,672 (BLEEP) Damn it! 69 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,228 Second serve! 70 00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,466 Jesus (BLEEP), if he double faults, 71 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,872 I swear I am going to kill myself. 72 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,373 -(RACQUET SWINGING) -(BALL HITTING NET) 73 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,505 MAN: Ah, damn it. Deuce. 74 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,840 Do it. 75 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:58,805 -(RACQUET SWINGING, BALL HITTING NET) -Damn! 76 00:02:58,812 --> 00:02:59,752 MAN: Damn! 77 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:00,747 (RACQUET SWINGING) 78 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,208 -(RACQUET SWINGING) -MAN: Long. 79 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,516 -(RACQUET SWINGING) -GIRL: Out. 80 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,917 -MAN: Oh, come on. -(RACQUET SWINGING) 81 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,119 (BALL HITTING NET) 82 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,420 -(RACQUET SWINGING) -GIRL: Long. 83 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,391 -(RACQUET SWINGING) -MAN: Damn it. 84 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,259 (BLEEP) this mystery. 85 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,528 MAN: Damn it. 86 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,261 Sorry the match went so long the other day 87 00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:19,404 but the Morgans play by the rules. 88 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,530 Unlike our prospective son-in-law, Rick. 89 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,996 Why couldn't Amy find someone like Kevin here. 90 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,606 Oh, we fell in love with him the moment Molly introduced us. 91 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:33,380 -Mmm. -Well, Kevin's a Tri Camma Delta man like me. 92 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,110 Oh, you're in the same fraternity... 93 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,145 BOTH SINGING: ♪ The day's over, the eve draws close 94 00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:41,392 ♪ The light begins to fade 95 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,158 ♪ We croon our way into thine heart 96 00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:50,499 ♪ With a Tri Cam serenade ♪ 97 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,827 What the (BLEEP) just happened? 98 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,844 Look, we just don't think Rick fits in with our family. 99 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,568 Yeah, because he is (BLEEP) normal? 100 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,973 Well, what exactly don't you like about him? 101 00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,236 I just don't trust him. 102 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,444 He's never around. 103 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,305 He's always traveling for work. 104 00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,253 When you ask him about his family, he is incredibly evasive. 105 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,550 And he's ugly. 106 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,521 Molly, it's not about his appearance. 107 00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:15,249 But it's true, Mother. He's got a pig nose. 108 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,716 (SCOFFS) Well... 109 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,994 -Those who live in bitch houses... -What? 110 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,933 -Nothing. -He said "Those who live in bitch houses." 111 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,529 -Pigeon. -We're having the wedding on our private island 112 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,031 in the Caribbean. 113 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,973 We want you to come and meet Rick for yourselves. 114 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,239 Maybe you'll discover what he's hiding. 115 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,008 Or I could do what I should have done the moment he proposed. 116 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,239 Stop the (BLEEP) damn wedding. 117 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,314 Walter. 118 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,712 I mean it, Bitsy. 119 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,753 Never doubt the resolution of a Tri Cam man. 120 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:48,221 ♪ The Tri Cam man resolute and firm 121 00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:51,292 ♪ Standing tall and firm 122 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,592 ♪ The wind and storm may lash at he 123 00:04:54,595 --> 00:05:00,495 ♪ The Tri Cam man stays firm ♪ 124 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,771 PIGEON: Was that whole song about your (BLEEP)? 125 00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,168 I'm sorry who are you again? 126 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,644 You're friends of Walter's? 127 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,042 Yeah, we were in the same fraternity in college. 128 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:13,545 So, Rick, we want to ask you a few questions 129 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,807 to get know you better. 130 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,275 Uh, okay. 131 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,983 Which one of these best describes you? 132 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,016 A. I'm a terrorist. 133 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,521 B. I am a white supremacist. 134 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,864 C. All of the above. 135 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,229 What? None! 136 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,857 None is not a choice, Rick. 137 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,032 Well, I, I don't know what you want me to say. 138 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,231 Oh, oh, wait. D. None. 139 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,373 So, D? 140 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,228 Yes, D. 141 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,496 I'm sorry. I really do need to get dressed. 142 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,365 I'm getting married in 15 minutes. 143 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,335 Mmm, problem with time management. 144 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,514 So, can you please leave? I'd like to get dressed in private. 145 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,453 Mmm, body shame. 146 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,949 Please just go. 147 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,350 Oh, for God sakes, let me ask something. 148 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,023 Do you love her? 149 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,217 Amy? 150 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,863 She's everything to me. 151 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,488 I never knew what love was until I met her. 152 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,834 I can't wait to be her husband 153 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,800 and make her the happiest woman in the world 154 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:08,828 because she's already made me the world's luckiest man. 155 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,569 You're a good man, Rick. 156 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,242 Your body shame, your time management issues 157 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,010 will remain our little secret. 158 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,154 My God, there's a trash can right there. 159 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,922 I don't believe it. 160 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,077 It's true, ma'am. 161 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,415 We conducted a very thorough investigation 162 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,822 and we think Rick is a good dude. 163 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,334 You're saying you didn't find a single thing wrong with him? 164 00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,528 Well... 165 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,559 He does have kind of a pig nose. 166 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,804 So you were right. 167 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,529 Well, then I guess we're having a wedding. 168 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,235 -Mother! -What is it, Amy? 169 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,697 -Rick's gone! -What? 170 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,295 No one can find him. 171 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:49,906 Oh, I knew it. I knew that little prick was bad from day one. 172 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,340 RICK: Help! Help! 173 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,145 -(GROWLING) -(GROANING) 174 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,247 RICK: Help! 175 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,278 Rick! 176 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,682 Amy! 177 00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,283 PIGEON: Let's go! 178 00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,985 Whoa, No, I... 179 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,587 I meant let's go home. 180 00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:04,055 Well... 181 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,427 At least I should try to (BLEEP) a bridesmaid. 182 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,487 -(GROWLING) -No! 183 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,934 Let go of me! 184 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,259 (GROWLING) 185 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,525 What are you? 186 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,095 (GROWLING) 187 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,539 Walter? 188 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,941 -(GROWLING) -Hello, Rick. 189 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,241 What's going on? 190 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,782 What are these beasts? 191 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,407 These beasts are my children, Rick. 192 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,813 And your brothers. 193 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,505 What? 194 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:33,076 For many years I have come to this island to have sex with animals. 195 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:37,686 Naturally, in some cases, unintended pregnancy has been the result. 196 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:41,291 I've had sexual intercourse with goats, and horses, 197 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,625 wild boar, and deer. 198 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,030 I have lain with the lamb, and the lion. 199 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,173 Although, in that instance only the lion bore a child. 200 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,269 (GROWLING) 201 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,470 Look around you. 202 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,472 These are the fruit of my loins. 203 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,014 As are you. 204 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,438 It's not possible. 205 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:59,543 -Your mother was a prize-winning Yorkshire pig. -No! 206 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:04,216 I cannot begin to describe the intense pleasure we shared. 207 00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:06,418 I think that's one of the reasons when you were born, 208 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,990 you were so human-like. 209 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:12,218 Because I gave her so very much of me. 210 00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:15,086 I couldn't bear to leave you alone in the savage jungle 211 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,955 so I dropped you off at a hospital. 212 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,974 Taking advantage of those safe haven programs 213 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,927 where they don't ask any questions if you leave a newborn. 214 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,896 Well, you can imagine my shock when I realized 215 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,305 you had found your way back to me 216 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,307 through my sweet little Amy. 217 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,709 What's going on here? 218 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,811 Well, I just explained that. 219 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,583 Well, I wasn't here yet. 220 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,251 Fine. 221 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,820 I'm into bestiality and thus the father of all these creatures. 222 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,550 Whoa, (BLEEP), man. 223 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,015 I didn't think you were going to say that. 224 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,193 (GROANS) Walter, what is going on? 225 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,533 My God, I just told them. 226 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,029 I am your wife, Walter. 227 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,900 It's not that easy to talk about 228 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:55,869 even if it seems like I'm comfortable talking about it. I'm not! 229 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,199 Or I wouldn't have had to buy a private island to do it on. 230 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,806 What are you talking about? 231 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,937 No, not until everyone is here. Where is Molly? 232 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,843 She's coming. Now, what is happening? 233 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:09,145 No, not until she gets here. I am not talking about this 80 times. 234 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,279 (RUSTLING) 235 00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,854 BETSY: There she is. 236 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,285 -Now tell us. -What? 237 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,621 I enjoy sexual... 238 00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,123 He (BLEEP) animals. 239 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,355 (BOTH GASPING) 240 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,689 Are you going to talk or am I? 241 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,234 You can go. 242 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,399 It's true. 243 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,857 Oh, my God. 244 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,095 It was a predilection I had picked up in college 245 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,970 at our fraternity house. 246 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,699 What was hazing for some was 247 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,035 pleasurable for others. 248 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:37,641 So, these things are your children? 249 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,614 Why wouldn't you wear a condom? 250 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,183 For God sake, you may as well not be having sex with an animal at all 251 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,783 if you wear a condom. 252 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,785 I'm sorry, are we having the wedding or not? 253 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,787 (GROWLING) 254 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:55,362 -Yes. -We are? 255 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,632 I love you. 256 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,260 I don't care that you're half pig. 257 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,696 Mmm... 258 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,271 -(WEDDING BAND PLAYS) -(CROWD CHEERING) 259 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,200 (APPLAUDING) 260 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,210 Ugh, so they don't care 261 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,240 that they're brother and sister? 262 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,479 And she doesn't care that her husband (BLEEP) animals? 263 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:20,293 All right, let's get the (BLEEP) out of here. Where's Pigeon? 264 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,817 You know, I've never had sex with a bridesmaid before? 265 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,323 You know, I've never had sex with a... 266 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,625 An animal before. 267 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,257 Really? I think a lot of people do it. 268 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,361 And either way you're doing it now. 269 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,625 (MOANING) 270 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:44,443 ♪ The Tri Cam, Tri Cam man 271 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:48,014 ♪ Resolute and firm 272 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:54,115 ♪ Standing tall and firm 273 00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:02,392 ♪ The wind and storm may lash at he 274 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:11,574 ♪ But the Tri Cam man stays firm ♪ 275 00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,671 The Tri Cam man stays firm. 276 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,843 MAN: Yeah. 19865

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