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1
00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:02,867
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,370
(INTERCOM RINGING)
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,436
MAN (ON INTERCOM):
Morgan residence.
4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,213
Oh, hey, this is Mike Tyson
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,182
of the Mike Tyson
Mystery Team.
6
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,880
We're here about a mystery.
7
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:16,082
MAN: Oh, yes.
8
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,623
I'll let you right in.
9
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:20,792
(PHONE RINGING)
10
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:24,759
Oh, (BLEEP). It's Deezy.
11
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,089
Hey, Deezy, what's up fool?
12
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,964
Dancing with the Stars?
I don't know, man.
13
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,303
I don't think
I want to do that.
14
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,828
Okay, well, then convince me
why I should do it.
15
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,204
Dad.
16
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,042
Mmm-hmm, okay, mmm-hmm.
17
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:40,368
-Mmm-hmm...
-Dad, the, uh,
the gate's closing.
18
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,144
Okay, well, maybe find out
how much they pay.
19
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,114
He's seeing how much it pays.
20
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,846
Shit, when are they going to
open the (BLEEP) gate?
21
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,480
It already opened.
22
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,645
What? Deezy, I gotta go man.
I got, uh, I got a situation.
23
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,519
Now, what are we going to do?
24
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,155
Press the button again
and ask them to open the gate.
25
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,631
No way, Marquees.
26
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:04,399
That will be embarrassing
as shit, man.
27
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,398
No, we got to pretend
that we're someone else.
28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,331
-(INTERCOM RINGING)
-MAN: Morgan residence.
29
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:13,906
(IN A CHINESE ACCENT)
Oh, special delivery
for the Morgan residence.
30
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,508
MAN: Pardon me?
31
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,009
Oh... (BLEEP)
32
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,281
Oh, never mind.
33
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,609
Pigeon, Pigeon, say something.
34
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,383
Uh...
35
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,552
Okay, we're the Mike Tyson
Mystery Team.
36
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,051
We (BLEEP) up
and didn't drive through
when you opened the gate
37
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,523
and we just did
a fake accent so...
38
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,062
Will you just open the gate?
39
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,887
And this time we promise
to (BLEEP) drive through it.
40
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,163
MAN: Very good.
41
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,829
MIKE: Man, Pigeon,
that took some balls.
42
00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:40,702
See, I'd be too embarrassed
to say any of that (BLEEP).
43
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,901
You just told them
exactly what happened
44
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,773
and it (BLEEP) worked.
45
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,112
Lesson learned.
46
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,867
See, I got to get over
my embarrassment.
47
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,705
That's why I'm scared to do
Dancing with the Stars, man.
48
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,881
But it's like, you know,
how the (BLEEP) cares?
49
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,420
It's like, "Hey, world,
this is Mike Tyson
and this how I dance."
50
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,548
"If you don't like it,
(BLEEP) you!"
51
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:05,018
Damn, when is this
(BLEEP) gonna
open the gate?
52
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,785
May I take anyone's coat?
53
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,234
Oh, why thank you.
54
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,297
Oh, you forgot hers.
55
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,200
-I'm fine.
-If you will follow me.
56
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,472
They are just finishing up
a game of tennis.
57
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,442
PIGEON: What are we doing
here again?
58
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,181
MARQUEE: This family
is unsure about the man
their daughter is marrying
59
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,547
and they want us to find out
if there is anything
wrong with him.
60
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,047
(TENNIS RACQUET SWISHING)
61
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,978
MAN: Damn!
62
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,524
Still match point though.
63
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,619
Have a seat,
we're almost done.
64
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,864
This won't take long!
65
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,887
(BLEEP) Damn it. Deuce.
66
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,034
(GRUNTS) Darn it!
67
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,630
MAN: Match point again.
68
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,672
(BLEEP) Damn it!
69
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,228
Second serve!
70
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,466
Jesus (BLEEP),
if he double faults,
71
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,872
I swear I am going to
kill myself.
72
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,373
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
-(BALL HITTING NET)
73
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,505
MAN: Ah, damn it. Deuce.
74
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,840
Do it.
75
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:58,805
-(RACQUET SWINGING,
BALL HITTING NET)
-Damn!
76
00:02:58,812 --> 00:02:59,752
MAN: Damn!
77
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:00,747
(RACQUET SWINGING)
78
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,208
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
-MAN: Long.
79
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,516
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
-GIRL: Out.
80
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,917
-MAN: Oh, come on.
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
81
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,119
(BALL HITTING NET)
82
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,420
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
-GIRL: Long.
83
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,391
-(RACQUET SWINGING)
-MAN: Damn it.
84
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,259
(BLEEP) this mystery.
85
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,528
MAN: Damn it.
86
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,261
Sorry the match went
so long the other day
87
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:19,404
but the Morgans
play by the rules.
88
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,530
Unlike our prospective
son-in-law, Rick.
89
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,996
Why couldn't Amy find
someone like Kevin here.
90
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,606
Oh, we fell in love with him
the moment
Molly introduced us.
91
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:33,380
-Mmm.
-Well, Kevin's a Tri Camma
Delta man like me.
92
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,110
Oh, you're in
the same fraternity...
93
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,145
BOTH SINGING:
♪ The day's over,the eve draws close
94
00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:41,392
♪ The light begins to fade
95
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,158
♪ We croon our wayinto thine heart
96
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:50,499
♪ With a Tri Cam serenade ♪
97
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,827
What the (BLEEP)
just happened?
98
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,844
Look, we just don't think
Rick fits in with our family.
99
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,568
Yeah, because he is
(BLEEP) normal?
100
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,973
Well, what exactly
don't you like about him?
101
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,236
I just don't trust him.
102
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,444
He's never around.
103
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,305
He's always traveling
for work.
104
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,253
When you ask him
about his family,
he is incredibly evasive.
105
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,550
And he's ugly.
106
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,521
Molly, it's not about
his appearance.
107
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:15,249
But it's true, Mother.
He's got a pig nose.
108
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,716
(SCOFFS) Well...
109
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,994
-Those who live
in bitch houses...
-What?
110
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,933
-Nothing.
-He said "Those who live
in bitch houses."
111
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,529
-Pigeon.
-We're having the wedding
on our private island
112
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,031
in the Caribbean.
113
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,973
We want you to come
and meet Rick for yourselves.
114
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,239
Maybe you'll discover
what he's hiding.
115
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,008
Or I could do what I should
have done the moment
he proposed.
116
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,239
Stop the (BLEEP) damn wedding.
117
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,314
Walter.
118
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,712
I mean it, Bitsy.
119
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,753
Never doubt the resolution
of a Tri Cam man.
120
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:48,221
♪ The Tri Cam manresolute and firm
121
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:51,292
♪ Standing tall and firm
122
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:54,592
♪ The wind and stormmay lash at he
123
00:04:54,595 --> 00:05:00,495
♪ The Tri Cam man stays firm ♪
124
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,771
PIGEON: Was that whole song
about your (BLEEP)?
125
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,168
I'm sorry who are you again?
126
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,644
You're friends of Walter's?
127
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,042
Yeah, we were in the same
fraternity in college.
128
00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:13,545
So, Rick, we want to ask you
a few questions
129
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,807
to get know you better.
130
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,275
Uh, okay.
131
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,983
Which one of these
best describes you?
132
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,016
A. I'm a terrorist.
133
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,521
B. I am a white supremacist.
134
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,864
C. All of the above.
135
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,229
What? None!
136
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,857
None is not a choice, Rick.
137
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,032
Well, I, I don't know
what you want me to say.
138
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,231
Oh, oh, wait. D. None.
139
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,373
So, D?
140
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,228
Yes, D.
141
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,496
I'm sorry.
I really do need to
get dressed.
142
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,365
I'm getting married
in 15 minutes.
143
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,335
Mmm, problem with
time management.
144
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,514
So, can you please leave?
I'd like to get dressed
in private.
145
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,453
Mmm, body shame.
146
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,949
Please just go.
147
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,350
Oh, for God sakes,
let me ask something.
148
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,023
Do you love her?
149
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,217
Amy?
150
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,863
She's everything to me.
151
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,488
I never knew what love was
until I met her.
152
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,834
I can't wait to be her husband
153
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,800
and make her the happiest
woman in the world
154
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:08,828
because she's already made me
the world's luckiest man.
155
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,569
You're a good man, Rick.
156
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,242
Your body shame,
your time management issues
157
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,010
will remain our little secret.
158
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,154
My God, there's a trash can
right there.
159
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,922
I don't believe it.
160
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,077
It's true, ma'am.
161
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,415
We conducted
a very thorough investigation
162
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,822
and we think
Rick is a good dude.
163
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,334
You're saying you didn't find
a single thing wrong with him?
164
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,528
Well...
165
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,559
He does have
kind of a pig nose.
166
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,804
So you were right.
167
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,529
Well, then I guess
we're having a wedding.
168
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,235
-Mother!
-What is it, Amy?
169
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,697
-Rick's gone!
-What?
170
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,295
No one can find him.
171
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:49,906
Oh, I knew it.
I knew that little prick
was bad from day one.
172
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,340
RICK: Help! Help!
173
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,145
-(GROWLING)
-(GROANING)
174
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,247
RICK: Help!
175
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,278
Rick!
176
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,682
Amy!
177
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,283
PIGEON: Let's go!
178
00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,985
Whoa, No, I...
179
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,587
I meant let's go home.
180
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:04,055
Well...
181
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,427
At least I should try to
(BLEEP) a bridesmaid.
182
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,487
-(GROWLING)
-No!
183
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,934
Let go of me!
184
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,259
(GROWLING)
185
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,525
What are you?
186
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,095
(GROWLING)
187
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,539
Walter?
188
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,941
-(GROWLING)
-Hello, Rick.
189
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,241
What's going on?
190
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,782
What are these beasts?
191
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,407
These beasts
are my children, Rick.
192
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:27,813
And your brothers.
193
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,505
What?
194
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:33,076
For many years
I have come to this island
to have sex with animals.
195
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:37,686
Naturally, in some cases,
unintended pregnancy
has been the result.
196
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:41,291
I've had sexual intercourse
with goats, and horses,
197
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,625
wild boar, and deer.
198
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,030
I have lain with the lamb,
and the lion.
199
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,173
Although, in that instance
only the lion bore a child.
200
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,269
(GROWLING)
201
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,470
Look around you.
202
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,472
These are the fruit
of my loins.
203
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,014
As are you.
204
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,438
It's not possible.
205
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:59,543
-Your mother was
a prize-winning Yorkshire pig.
-No!
206
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:04,216
I cannot begin to describe
the intense pleasure
we shared.
207
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:06,418
I think that's
one of the reasons
when you were born,
208
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,990
you were so human-like.
209
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:12,218
Because I gave her
so very much of me.
210
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:15,086
I couldn't bear to leave you
alone in the savage jungle
211
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,955
so I dropped you off
at a hospital.
212
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,974
Taking advantage of those
safe haven programs
213
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,927
where they don't
ask any questions
if you leave a newborn.
214
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,896
Well, you can imagine my shock
when I realized
215
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,305
you had found your way
back to me
216
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,307
through my sweet little Amy.
217
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,709
What's going on here?
218
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,811
Well, I just explained that.
219
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,583
Well, I wasn't here yet.
220
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,251
Fine.
221
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,820
I'm into bestiality
and thus the father
of all these creatures.
222
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,550
Whoa, (BLEEP), man.
223
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,015
I didn't think you were
going to say that.
224
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,193
(GROANS)
Walter, what is going on?
225
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,533
My God, I just told them.
226
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,029
I am your wife, Walter.
227
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,900
It's not that easy
to talk about
228
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:55,869
even if it seems like
I'm comfortable talking
about it. I'm not!
229
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,199
Or I wouldn't have had to buy
a private island to do it on.
230
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,806
What are you talking about?
231
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,937
No, not until
everyone is here.
Where is Molly?
232
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,843
She's coming.
Now, what is happening?
233
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:09,145
No, not until she gets here.
I am not talking about this
80 times.
234
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,279
(RUSTLING)
235
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,854
BETSY: There she is.
236
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,285
-Now tell us.
-What?
237
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,621
I enjoy sexual...
238
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,123
He (BLEEP) animals.
239
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,355
(BOTH GASPING)
240
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,689
Are you going to talk or am I?
241
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,234
You can go.
242
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,399
It's true.
243
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,857
Oh, my God.
244
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,095
It was a predilection
I had picked up in college
245
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,970
at our fraternity house.
246
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,699
What was hazing for some was
247
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,035
pleasurable for others.
248
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:37,641
So, these things
are your children?
249
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,614
Why wouldn't you wear
a condom?
250
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,183
For God sake,
you may as well not be having
sex with an animal at all
251
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,783
if you wear a condom.
252
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,785
I'm sorry, are we having
the wedding or not?
253
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,787
(GROWLING)
254
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:55,362
-Yes.
-We are?
255
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,632
I love you.
256
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,260
I don't care
that you're half pig.
257
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,696
Mmm...
258
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,271
-(WEDDING BAND PLAYS)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
259
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,200
(APPLAUDING)
260
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,210
Ugh, so they don't care
261
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,240
that they're brother
and sister?
262
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,479
And she doesn't care
that her husband
(BLEEP) animals?
263
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:20,293
All right, let's get
the (BLEEP) out of here.
Where's Pigeon?
264
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,817
You know, I've never had sex
with a bridesmaid before?
265
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,323
You know, I've never had sex
with a...
266
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,625
An animal before.
267
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,257
Really?
I think a lot of people do it.
268
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,361
And either way
you're doing it now.
269
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,625
(MOANING)
270
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:44,443
♪ The Tri Cam, Tri Cam man
271
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:48,014
♪ Resolute and firm
272
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:54,115
♪ Standing tall and firm
273
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:02,392
♪ The wind and stormmay lash at he
274
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:11,574
♪ But the Tri Cam manstays firm ♪
275
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,671
The Tri Cam man stays firm.
276
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,843
MAN: Yeah.
19865
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