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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:03,340
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,867
MIKE: Marquess, come in here!
3
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,840
(HUMMING)
4
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,439
What's going on?
5
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,571
Have a seat.
6
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,145
(GASPS)
7
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,978
(WHISPERING)
I know what this is.
8
00:00:48,983 --> 00:00:50,353
This is an intervention.
9
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,751
(GASPS) You all think
I drink too much.
10
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,593
You know what? And maybe I do.
11
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:57,488
Maybe I'm just a ghost
who lately feels like
he's lost his way.
12
00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:01,961
But my sobriety is my issue,
not yours.
13
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,132
So drop it!
14
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,800
-Marquess...
-No!
15
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:07,669
No! It is my turn to talk now.
16
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:12,538
You all have done enough
talking behind my back
17
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:16,180
about what you perceive
to be my problem.
18
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,077
This is about
the three bottles of wine in
the recycling bin, isn't it?
19
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,450
Well, what you don't know
is that one of the bottles
was corked,
20
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,420
I shared the other bottle
with our neighbor,
21
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,548
who is going through
a difficult divorce.
22
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,294
Which none of you know about,
23
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,489
because none of you
have bothered to ask.
24
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,291
And the third bottle, well...
25
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,833
I shouldn't have to explain,
26
00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:38,698
because I am a grown-up,
who has had a shitty week.
27
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:40,595
So (BLEEP) you.
28
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,801
(BLEEP) you.
29
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,242
And (BLEEP) you.
30
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,467
And (BLEEP) this intervention.
31
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,373
This isn't a intervention.
32
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:48,814
We got a new mystery.
33
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,009
We just reading it in here
34
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,940
because it's
100 degrees outside.
35
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,246
Oh.
36
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,580
What's it say?
37
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,853
It says you're a big
(BLEEP) alcoholic.
38
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,691
Ha!
39
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:00,847
No, it doesn't.
40
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:03,715
It says,
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,
41
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:07,194
"My name is Thomas Foley,
and I need your help."
42
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,734
THOMAS: Thanks for coming.
43
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,530
As I said in my message...
(SIGHS)
44
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,532
...my wife, Diane, has been
in a coma for nearly a year.
45
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,765
She slipped on some ice
in the driveway,
46
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,240
and fell and hit her head.
47
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,569
They thought she'd wake up
after a few days.
48
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:21,774
But the day has
turned into weeks,
49
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,175
and the weeks
turned to months.
50
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,178
Her vitals are normal.
51
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,810
The doctors say there's
no medical reason
for her to still be in a coma.
52
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,516
I just...
53
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,148
I can't bear the thought
of spending another
Christmas without her.
54
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,354
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
55
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,715
Ben, can you turn that off?
56
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,687
This is my son, Ben.
57
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,856
In his defense,
what 18-year old wants
to come home from college
58
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,765
to spend the holidays
in the hospital?
59
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,197
It must be hard for you
to see your mom like this.
60
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,373
She's my step-mom.
61
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,371
-Ben!
-What?
62
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,913
It's been a hard year.
63
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,541
Well, on the bright side,
64
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:57,514
-I bet her (BLEEP)
has gotten real big, huh?
-YUNG: Ew.
65
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,341
-(GASPS) Pigeon!
-What?
66
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,306
It's a compliment.
I like a hairy (BLEEP).
67
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,145
(SIGHS)
68
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,221
You say, "Don't talk unless
I have something nice to say."
69
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:09,820
Here I say something nice,
and you don't
like that either.
70
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,523
Fine, I'll just sit here
and say nothing.
71
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,385
(STAMMERING)
I'm not saying that.
72
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,304
I'm saying, "Talk
if you have something relevant
73
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,327
"to say about
this woman's condition."
74
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,672
Okay, I think
they should pull the plug
and get on with their lives.
75
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,099
-Oh, my God! Pigeon!
-(YUNG GROANS)
76
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,643
What, "Oh, my God"?
77
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,738
I cannot win with you people.
It's like a bad dream.
78
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,211
(GASPS) That's it!
79
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,380
Diane is in a dream!
80
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,108
Well, not an actual dream,
but when you're in a coma
you're in a dream-like state.
81
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:38,054
And as a ghost,
I have the ability to travel
to the dream realm.
82
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:41,022
Ah! That's my purpose!
83
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,551
I can find her
and talk to her,
84
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,586
and maybe even bring her back.
85
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,392
Oh! That would be incredible.
86
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,033
Uh, tell me about it.
(SIGHS)
87
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,829
I have just been
so blech lately.
88
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:54,271
You know what I mean?
Just blech!
89
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,198
I just feel like...
I don't know.
90
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,573
I just feel like I look around
and everyone is doing
better than me.
91
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,972
I'm sorry that my life is
harder than everyone else's.
92
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:03,905
It just is.
It's like, "Why me?" you know?
93
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,041
But now I am on a mission.
94
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,106
(CHUCKLES)
95
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,514
Marquess to the rescue!
96
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,415
Who wants to celebrate, huh?
Come on!
97
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,817
I want every single person
in this room
to get off their derrieres,
98
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,591
and follow me
to the hospital cafeteria,
99
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,419
because it is
Margarita Monday.
On a Tuesday!
100
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:23,600
MIKE: So are we or
are we not pulling the plug?
101
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,900
Well, that's a lamp, so...
102
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,542
(SCOFFS) No alcohol.
103
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:35,868
How are all these people
supposed to cope
when they have sick relatives?
104
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,336
The chapel? Please.
105
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:38,880
Pills.
106
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,349
Take a couple of these.
107
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:43,277
They do everything a margarita
does without the sugar, Fatty.
108
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:47,154
So, Marquess, how do we get
to this dream realm place?
109
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,824
Well, you can't go.
Only I can.
110
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:50,963
But we're a team.
111
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,228
Right, but I'm the only one
who's dead.
112
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,627
No (BLEEP), Marquess.
113
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,158
That's why we're all going
to kill ourselves.
114
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,103
-What?
-What are you out
of your mind?
115
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,828
It's the only way
that we can solve the mystery.
116
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,534
Together, as a team.
117
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,896
If I'm going to kill myself,
118
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,974
it'll be because
of my massive depression,
119
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,373
not to help some bitch
lying in a bed.
120
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:12,906
And I don't care
how big her (BLEEP) is.
121
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,383
Don't look at me!
I'm not gonna kill myself.
122
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,646
Wow.
123
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,451
I did not think you guys
were going to say that.
124
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,064
Man, I mean,
I'm truly flabbergasted.
125
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,994
Well, we're in quite
a conundrum, then.
126
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,233
Why?
127
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,787
Because I put poison
in our drinks.
128
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,626
-(PIGEON SCREECHES)
-You poisoned us?
129
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,961
It's called
physician-assisted suicide.
130
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,226
You're not a physician.
131
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,844
And it's not suicide,
you asshole, it's murder.
132
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,437
Okay, okay! Fine.
133
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,539
Gee, man, let me...
134
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,381
Let me just find a nurse
or someone who can just
pump our stomachs before we...
135
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:46,911
(GROANS)
136
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,054
(GROANS) Oh, (BLEEP).
137
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,864
Well, welcome
to the afterlife.
138
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,257
Just as (BLEEP)
as I told you it was.
139
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,359
Oh, my (BLEEP) God!
You killed us!
140
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,892
You (BLEEP) killed us.
141
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,096
Okay, guys.
142
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:06,368
First let me start off
by saying, I'm sorry.
143
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,867
Seriously, I'm...
144
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,298
I'm very sorry.
145
00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:12,103
And second,
look how white we are.
146
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:14,206
Oh, (BLEEP)!
Now I got to sound white.
147
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,878
(HIGH-PITCHED)
Hey, guys, who wants to come
with me to the car wash?
148
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,777
I have a Subaru
that I'm going to take it
to get it washed.
149
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,180
I go to the car wash about
two times per week.
150
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,382
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Oh, shit!
I sound so white!
151
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,585
Guys! Guys!
152
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,487
Dad, can you be serious
for a second?
153
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,689
Oh, my God, Yung!
You sound so white, too.
154
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,692
What happened to your accent?
155
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,994
So, this is for eternity now?
156
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,096
Did you hear
that thing on NPR?
157
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:42,128
I was driving in my Subaru
and that's when
I was listening to NPR.
158
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:44,096
(EKG BEEPING)
159
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,346
So, what do we do
to get into her dream?
160
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:56,979
We enter her.
161
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,084
(HIGH-PITCHED)
Well, guys, how on Earth
are we going to do this?
162
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,016
-Okay.
-Like this.
163
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,163
Oh, yeah? Well,
if I'm going to enter her,
164
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:11,903
I'm going to do it
the way God intended.
165
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,499
PIGEON: Holy Lord!
166
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:18,972
Oh! This is almost too much
of a good thing.
167
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,912
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
168
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,038
Whoa! Where the hell are we?
169
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,484
This is Diane's dream.
It's her happy place.
170
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,781
It's a manifestation
of all of her fantasies.
171
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,349
PIGEON: What is she,
nine-years-old?
172
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,785
Oh, there she is!
173
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,491
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
174
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,541
(SNIFFING)
175
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:01,678
No wonder she hasn't woken up,
her life is perfect here.
176
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,023
There's her husband, Thomas!
177
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,619
Oh, that's so sweet!
178
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,961
She misses him
as much as he misses her.
179
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,693
Damn!
180
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,102
(GROANS)
181
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:21,198
DIANE: Get it out.
Let me have it. Yeah.
182
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,971
There's nothing wrong
with a husband and wife
making love.
183
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,471
Oh, really? What about
a stepson and stepmom?
184
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,243
Where do you stand on that?
185
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:30,712
DIANE: You're so big!
You're so much bigger
than your dad!
186
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:33,907
MARQUESS: Oh, no!
YUNG: Oh, my God!
187
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,084
(DIANE MOANING)
188
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,453
Wow! Well,
he's really pounding her.
189
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,523
What a (BLEEP) on
that kid, huh?
190
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,862
He's giving her the wood
like a good man should.
191
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,788
So the reason she's staying
in a coma is because...
192
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:50,464
It's the only place she can
(BLEEP) her stepson.
193
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:51,734
Oh, my God!
194
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,732
(DIANE MOANING LOUDLY)
195
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,304
Oh, okay! Can we just get
out of here, please?
196
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,843
What about bringing her back?
197
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,338
PIGEON: My goodness!
That is a load!
198
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,840
Oh! Here comes more!
199
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,382
What is that?
That must be like a gallon.
200
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,107
-Will you guys look at this?
-(BEN AND DIANE MOANING)
201
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,912
Why am I
the only one watching this?
202
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:07,954
YUNG: Huh?
203
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,678
Hey! What's happening
to you guys?
204
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,683
DOCTOR: Can you hear me?Can you hear me?
205
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,286
Can you hear me?
206
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,119
Are we still in
the dream realm?
207
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,515
No, you're in the ICU.
208
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,826
We had to pump your stomach.
Someone tried to poison you.
209
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,128
Oh, shit! That's (BLEEP) up.
210
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,161
(EKG BEEPING)
211
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,826
-Hello? Um, Diane?
-DIANE: Ben, harder! Harder.
212
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,695
-DIANE: Oh, slow down. Slow.
-Diane?
213
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,074
Do you, um...
214
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,772
Do you wanna come back,
or are you good here?
215
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,405
DIANE: Don't stop.
Don't you stop.
216
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,940
Yeah, she's good here.
217
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,575
DIANE: Let's never
stop (BLEEP). Never!
218
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:44,979
We're just so sorry.
219
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:48,645
We looked everywhere,
but we just couldn't find her.
220
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,785
Of course, we'll waive
the usual mystery fee.
221
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,732
I just hope where ever she is,
she's not in any pain.
222
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,798
I don't know!
It's a pretty big (BLEEP).
223
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:57,997
-I'm sorry?
-Nothing.
224
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,668
-He didn't say anything.
-Dad, look!
225
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,027
Diane! (SOBBING) You're back!
226
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,066
And just in time
for Christmas!
227
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,009
Oh!
228
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,078
(MOANING)
229
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,607
Oh, dear.
230
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,282
(DIANE MOANING)
231
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,528
Oh, man! I could really
never think of my...
232
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,131
When I think
of my happy place,
233
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,733
I have to really
consider some...
234
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,966
Really, some asparagus.
235
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,241
Yeah, man.
Asparagus is really good,
you know?
236
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,681
(BLEEP) Like the hearts
of the (BLEEP), damn.
237
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,678
Artichoke, artichoke heart.
238
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,680
Oh, forget that. With garlic.
239
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,452
Oh, my wife is
so good at that stuff.
240
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,250
It's just
a little over-garlicky.
17675
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