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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,995 (LAUGHS) 2 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,705 What are you doing? 3 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,537 Mike forgot to log out. 4 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,109 "TGIF"? It's Wednesday. 5 00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:46,782 I know. That's what makes it funny. 6 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,451 -No. I don't feel comfortable with this. -(CHUCKLES) 7 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,150 Do you know how many times a day you say that? 8 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,793 Jeez, who are all these people? 9 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:57,218 Mike's not really friends with any of these people. 10 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,894 Like, check this out. 11 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,033 "Caroline Nuberry. 12 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:06,068 "Last night, my mother, Paula Jean Nuberry, passed away peacefully in her sleep. 13 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:11,667 "I know eventually the pain will subside, but for now it is unbearable." 14 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:16,082 Good lord. And 83 "likes"? Why would someone "like" this? 15 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,707 Her mother dies and you like it? 16 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,652 "Caroline Nuberry. 17 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:24,578 "Last night, my mother, Paula Jean Nuberry, passed away peacefully in her sleep. 18 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:30,155 "I know eventually the pain will subside, but for now it is unbearable." 19 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,157 Oh, poor Caroline. 20 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,459 Like. 21 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,801 Hey, Yung. Get in here. We have a new mystery. 22 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,565 Okay, team. Gather around. 23 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,838 Hey, how come you never go skinny dipping? Huh? 24 00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:45,867 -It's your house. -Actually, I was skinny dipping. 25 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,673 Yeah, with some of my girlfriends. 26 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,905 I just put this bathing suit on right before I walked in. 27 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,380 It was super fun. We were just out there, splashing around, 28 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:57,520 touching each other, giggling. It was very erotic. I'm sorry you missed it. 29 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:02,118 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, I'm an owner of a successful, gourmet sandwich shop 30 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:06,093 "in Boston, Massachusetts. But ever since we moved into our new location, 31 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:10,103 "business has all but stopped. The stores around us are thriving, 32 00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:13,567 "so it doesn't make sense. Could my new location be cursed? 33 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,897 "Please help. Sincerely, Molly Gibson." 34 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,574 Huh? I wonder why no one will come in her shop. 35 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,243 Oh, I'll (BLEEP) in her shop, all right. 36 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,882 Ah. What does that even mean? 37 00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:25,937 Means I'll ejaculate all over her dirty little shop. 38 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,806 -Ugh. -PIGEON: Yeah, that's right. 39 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,215 Okay, guys. To the Mystery Mobile. 40 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:31,617 Let's go! 41 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,349 Wait. We're driving? To Boston? 42 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,755 Good God. That'll take 30 hours. 43 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,987 Come on, men, it'll be a great bonding experience for us. 44 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,373 GPS VOICE: Keep left at the fork. 45 00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:55,009 Continue on I-70 East for 743 miles. 46 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:03,150 -Can you at least turn on the radio? -Radio's broke. 47 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,420 Oh. 48 00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:11,663 Oh! How about the alphabet game? I'll start. You'll see how it goes. 49 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,129 A, my name is Andrew. 50 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,087 -My wife's name is Alice. -(CHUCKLES) Your wife? 51 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,225 -MARQUESS: Okay, can I just please... -That's a laugh. 52 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,671 -Can I please? -Yeah. You, you have a wife in this? 53 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,638 Okay, yes, in this scenario, I have a wife. Stop it. 54 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,267 -Okay, sure. -Here we go. 55 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,472 -A, my name is Andrew. My wife's name is Alice. -(PIGEON LAUGHS) 56 00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,805 -Stop it. -PIGEON: Wife! Wife. 57 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,150 We live in Arkansas and we sell apples. 58 00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:34,447 -With you wife? -No, stop it. 59 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,378 -(PIGEON LAUGHS) -Your turn, Yung. 60 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,383 Okay, um. 61 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:43,685 B, my name is Beatrice. My husband's name is Bobby. We live in Bermuda, 62 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,161 -and we sell basketballs. -MARQUESS: Good. 63 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,290 Okay. Pigeon? 64 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,295 All right. Um. 65 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,297 C, my name is (BLEEP). 66 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:57,969 My wife's name is (BLEEP). We live in (BLEEP) town, and we sell (BLEEP). 67 00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,612 (LAUGHS) 68 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:05,112 -And basketballs. -(MARQUESS SCOFFS) 69 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:11,852 GPS VOICE: Keep left to remain on I-70 East, and continue for 741 miles. 70 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,459 (SNORING) 71 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,157 (SNORING) 72 00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,596 -(CAR HORN BLARING) -(ALL GASPING) 73 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:33,265 -Sorry to startle you. I'm Molly. -Oh, good morning, ma'am. 74 00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:37,414 We got in real late last night, and I left my wallet in my other pants' pocket 75 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,281 and we couldn't get into the hotel room. 76 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,180 And, um, we left your number, so we couldn't call you. 77 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,882 -Anyway, can we all use your bathroom real quick, ma'am? -Oh, go. 78 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:48,185 YUNG: Dad, ladies first. MARQUESS: You have no idea how bad that van smells. 79 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:55,263 Mmm. This is delicious, and huge. I can't even get my mouth around it. 80 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,632 Yeah, well, you've had bigger things in that mouth. 81 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,032 -What does that even mean? -(BLEEP)! 82 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,196 It means you've had big (BLEEP) in your mouth. 83 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,844 -MARQUESS: Oh, my goodness. -(STAMMERS) It really is all so delicious. 84 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,640 I'm telling you, it's this location. There must be something wrong with it. 85 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,714 I haven't sold a sandwich since I moved in. 86 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:17,123 You're not expecting us to pay for this, are you? I mean, this is research. 87 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,577 Do you know anything about the history of the building? 88 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:24,056 No. Just that these buildings along Newbury Street are hundreds of years old. 89 00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:28,388 I know this sounds crazy, but I swear sometimes I can hear this 90 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,525 plaintive wail. 91 00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,274 Whoa. 92 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,097 Well, maybe we can find something out at the hall of records. 93 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,472 You guys go to the hall of records while I ask around 94 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:41,171 and see if any of these other businesses know anything, you know? 95 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,935 -Do you want one of us to go with you? -(DOOR OPENS) 96 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,954 We were all in a car together for 30 hours, Marquess. 97 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,907 Why do you gotta be so clingy? 98 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,953 What's the point of going to the hall of records when all they do 99 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,654 is tell us to go on the Internet? 100 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,016 -Shh! -I mean everything we've done so far, 101 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,085 we could have done from our God (BLEEP) living room. 102 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:03,134 -Shh! -What are you shushing me for? It's the hall of records, 103 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,960 it's not a library. 104 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,465 And I don't even know why do you have to be quiet in the library anymore. 105 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,768 I mean, the only people who go there now are homeless guys looking at porno 106 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,941 -and stuff like that... -Oh, here we go. 107 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:18,410 It was built in 1869 and was, at the time, Boston's biggest whale oil extractory. 108 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:22,552 Oh, my. I lived near one of those in London. It was a foul place. 109 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,379 They would cut the blubber off those poor dead whales 110 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,846 and cook it in fats to extract their oil. 111 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:31,455 Oh, and look at this. In 1880, there was an oil fire 112 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,788 and the building was engulfed in flames. 113 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,194 All of the immigrant Gypsy workers were burned alive. 114 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:39,256 My God, that's awful. "A sister of one of the victims, 115 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,926 "Nadia Pavlova, arrived at the scene, and shouted a Gypsy curse 116 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,166 "upon the smoldering ruins. 117 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:50,612 "'In the name of my brother, Tobar Pavlova, I curse these grounds forever more'." 118 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,241 CLERK: Sir? Sir? PIGEON: What? 119 00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,606 -What? Easy, fella. -You cannot look at pornography 120 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,954 on these computers. 121 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,675 MARQUESS: You went shopping? 122 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,554 I didn't just go shopping. I also found out no information. 123 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,194 I thought you forgot your wallet. 124 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,289 That's what's so great about being Mike Tyson. 125 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,491 You take a couple of pictures here, give them one or two of these, 126 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,634 give them one of those, 127 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,560 and bang, bang, boom, $600 loafers, buddy. 128 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:16,696 -Well, they are undeniably good-looking. -Thank you, Pigeon. 129 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,703 They hurt like (BLEEP), but, you know, you gotta suffer for fashion. 130 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:23,576 Dad, we figured out why no one will go in there. The building really is cursed. 131 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:28,177 Damn. Okay, you know what? Maybe I should go over there to Versace 132 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,422 and see if I can find out some more information. 133 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,147 And get some pants, too, to go with these loafers. 134 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,623 Michael, we need to try and lift the curse. 135 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,593 Wait! What about your ex-wife? 136 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,362 Who, Sandra? 137 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,590 -She cursed you and turned you into a pigeon, right? -Yeah. 138 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,856 (STAMMERS) No. No, I'm not calling Sandra. 139 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,595 But she could be our only hope. 140 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,100 Yeah. Yeah, listen. If I'm gonna ask Sandra for a favor, 141 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,302 it's gonna be to turn me back into a man, 142 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,905 not to help some dumb bitch who makes sandwiches. 143 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,912 Just seeing if you guys were hungry. 144 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,382 What about you, Marquess? You're a ghost. 145 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,681 -You're into voodoo and shit. -No, I'm not. 146 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,694 Yeah, but you're into, like, um, you know, witchcraft, and dark arts, right? 147 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,718 -Aren't you? -What? No. 148 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,493 -Man, so you're just a ghost that does nothing? -Well, that's just hurtful. 149 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,734 Someone please do something. 150 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:20,369 Well, okay, okay, okay, okay. I did attend a seance once for the Duchess of Abernathy. 151 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:24,567 Oh! Oh, oh, oh, here. Here's that name you dropped. 152 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,641 (CHUCKLES) 153 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,769 "Duchess of Abernathy." Jesus! 154 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,414 Oh, like that anyone knows who I'm talking about. 155 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:35,978 Okay. Everyone join hands and close your eyes. 156 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,263 -Pigeon. -What? Believe me, she wasn't complaining. 157 00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,655 Our beloved! 158 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,301 We bring you gifts from life into death! 159 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:54,127 Commune with us, and move among us. 160 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,004 -(WAILING) -(ALL GASPING) 161 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,874 Oh, my God. It really is a plaintive wail. 162 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,743 -(WAILING CONTINUES) -What the (BLEEP)? 163 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,513 Oh, (BLEEP), Marquess, did you hear that? 164 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:08,011 It must be the spirit of Nadia's brother, Tobar. 165 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,945 We're here to release you, Tobar. 166 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,820 Release you from your internal pain and lift the curse forever, 167 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,350 forevermore. 168 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,755 (WAILING CONTINUES) 169 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,717 Oh (BLEEP). Oh (BLEEP). It's coming. 170 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,685 -What's his name again? -Tobar. 171 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,094 (HYPERVENTILATING) 172 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,055 What the (BLEEP) kinda name is "Tobar"? 173 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,034 Is it a dog or something, man? 174 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,273 Reveal yourself, Tobar. Your plaintive wail has been heard. 175 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,208 (ALL SCREAMING) 176 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,541 MIKE: What the (BLEEP)? 177 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,913 Where's Tobar? 178 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,781 WHALE: I ate Tobar! 179 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:45,521 Oh, my God. It wasn't a Gypsy's curse. It was a whale's. 180 00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,349 What the (BLEEP)? 181 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,924 What do you want, Whale? 182 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,192 I want what all whales want. 183 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:58,332 For humans to stop hunting us, and using our blubber for oil. 184 00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:03,672 You dumb asshole. No one has used whale oil in 100 goddamn years. 185 00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,500 WHALE: Really? 186 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,405 Yeah. The only people that still hunt whales are the Japanese. 187 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,908 They eat the meat. 188 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,040 -That can't be true. -Oh, yeah. They gobble it up. 189 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,575 Well, then I hereby lift the curse from this building, 190 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:19,082 and place it on the Japanese. 191 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,216 -(WAILING) -(CAR ALARMS BLARING) 192 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,561 Huh. I think it was the Japanese. 193 00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:26,058 Maybe the Eskimos. 194 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,789 Or the Inuit, whatever they call 'em. 195 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,834 They eat it in Finland, I know. Or somewhere. Somewhere, somewhere. 196 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,831 -We should be clear 'cause we just cursed people. -Well, it was somewhere. 197 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,513 F, my name is Frederick. 198 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,853 My wife's name is Frida. 199 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:53,449 We both live in Fairbanks, Alaska. 200 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:58,923 And we both sell, you know, bear fur. 16959

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