Original subtitles

>> Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER CENTER, IN THE HEART OF

NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW" STARRING JIMMY FALLON.

TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS ‐

MICHAEL CHE, MEGAN RAPINOE,

MUSICAL GUEST ANGEL OLSEN, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY

ROOTS CREW AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, JIMMY FALLON

♪ ♪

♪ >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW. NICE TO SEE YOU, ROOTS

WELCOME TO THE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY.

WELL, LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT, GUYS

THE GOOD NEWS IS PRESIDENT TRUMP IS BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE

CORONAVIRUS. THE BAD NEWS IS, TRUMP IS BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE CORONAVIRUS

CONSPIRACY VIDEO, ALLEGING THAT THERE IS A CURE FOR THE VIRUS

AND THAT MASKS DO NOT WORK THE VIDEO IS THEN REMOVED BY

TWITTER, FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE, BECAUSE IT VIOLATED RULES

AGAINST SPREADING MISINFORMATION

>> Jimmy: IN 14 TWEETS, TRUMP UNDERMINED DR. FAUCI, DISMISSED

FACEMASKS AND BOASTED ABOUT HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE WORKING

AGAIN. WHAT IS HE DOING

EVEN FLAT‐EARTHERS THINK THIS GUY IS OUT OF HIS MIND

THEY WALKED TO THE EDGE OF THE EARTH AND LOOKED OVER.

IT'S LIKE CRAZY TRUMP WAS AWAY FOR A WEEK AND THEN SOMEONE SAID

HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE THREE TIMES, "SHOWTIME.

[ LAUGHTER ] IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BACK TO

"SCARY, MISINFORMATION TRUMP." I PREFER, "PERSON, MAN, WOMAN

CAMERA, TV" TRUMP INSTEAD. I ALSO LIKED "POINT TO AN

ELEPHANT" TRUMP. HE WAS FUN

EVEN AFTER THE FDA SAID THIS DRUG DOESN'T HELP, TRUMP WON'T

GIVE UP. HE'S LIKE YOUR FRIEND WHO NEVER

STOPS TRYING TO MAKE YOU WATCH THE SHOW THEY'RE WATCHING.

"YOU GOT DO TRY SEASON THREE OF 90‐DAY FIANCE.

DON'T WATCH SEASON ONE OR TWO. SEASON THREE WATCH, THEN YOU

WATCH THE FIRST ONE AGAIN. THEN YOU GET IT, AND THEN YOU

GET READY FOR FOUR WHICH SETS YOU UP FOR TWO.

[ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP JR. ALSO

POSTED THAT SAME CONSPIRACY VIDEO, AND TWITTER DECIDE TO

PUNISH HIM FOR SHARING MISINFORMATION AND RESTRICT HIS

ABILITY TO TWEET FOR 12 HOURS. WHEN THE PRESIDENT HEARD ABOUT

TWITTER AND DON JR., HE WAS LIKE, "AH YES, MY PRIDE AND JOY.

AND DON JR." YUP, HAVE TWITTER ACTUALLY

PENALIZED JON ‐‐ DON JR FOR ‐‐ JON JUNIOR

JON DUNIOR [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Tariq: I LIKE THAT ONE. >> Jimmy: JON DUNIOR'S PRETTY

GOOD [ LAUGHTER ]

WHY DID HE GET PENALIZED WHAT DID JON DUNIOR DO

[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAYS, TWITTER ACTUALLY

PENALIZED DON JR. FOR 12 HOURS AND SAID HE HAD TO ACTUALLY

TWEET UNDER THE NAME "ERIC." [ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S PRETTY UPSET WITH TWITTER

NOT ABOUT HIS SON, ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

CHECK OUT WHAT HE WROTE. "SO DISGUSTING TO WATCH

TWITTER'S SO‐CALLED "TRENDING", WHERE SOOO MANY TRENDS ARE ABOUT

ME AND NEVER A GOOD ONE. REALLY RIDICULOUS, ILLEGAL, AND

OF COURSE, VERY UNFAIR YEAH, IT'S ILLEGAL

EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S MURDER, THEFT AND POSTING A BAD TWITTER

HASHTAG. [ LAUGHTER ]

OH, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A LITTLE UPDATE FOR YOU GUYS ON A STORY

WE TALKED ABOUT LAST NIGHT DID YOU HEAR HOW TRUMP SAID THAT

HE HAD TO RESCHEDULE THROWING OUT A FIRST PITCH AT A YANKEES

GAME

WELL, NOW THERE'S SOME NEW INFORMATION. TAKE A LOOK.

>> LAST WEEK, HE SAID THE TEAM HAD INVITED HIM TO YANKEE

STADIUM NEXT MONTH THE CLAIM CAME JUST BEFORE

DR. ANTHONY FAUCI THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH FOR THE WASHINGTON

NATIONALS. BUT ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK

TIMES," THE YANKEES NEVER INVITED PRESIDENT TRUMP.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, EVERYONE WAS

SKEPTICAL WHEN TRUMP SAID HE'D BEEN PERSONALLY ASKED BY BABE

RUTH BUT DESPITE TRUMP'S DISTRACTION

EFFORTS, DR. FAUCI'S FIRST PITCH

CONTINUES TO GET A LOT OF ATTENTION. WATCH THIS

>> A BASEBALL CARD FEATURING THAT

LOPSIDED THROW SMASHED SALES RECORDS FOR THE TOPPS COMPANY.

MORE THAN 51,000 CARDS WERE SOLD IN THE FIRST 24 HOURS IT WAS

AVAILABLE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S SUPER

POPULAR. AND I'M AN IDIOT, BECAUSE I

ALREADY TRADED MINE FOR A DR. BIRX ROOKIE CARD

I REMEMBER AS A KID GETTING SO EXCITED TO OPEN A FRESH PACK OF

IMMUNOLOGIST TRADING CARDS [ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THE CARD IS COOL IT HAS A PICTURE OF FAUCI AND IF

YOU ZOOM IN IT ACTUALLY SAYS "ACTUAL SIZE."

IT ACTUALLY SAYS "ACTUAL." SOME MORE NEWS ABOUT THE VIRUS

I READ THAT DOCTORS RECENTLY CONFIRMED THE CASE OF A HOUSE

CAT CATCHING COVID‐19, BUT DON'T WORRY, HE MADE A FULL RECOVERY

>> Tariq: I GUESS YOU COULD SAY, THAT CAT IS FELINE FINE.

>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT NOW, TARIQ?

>> Tariq: HE'S FELINE FINE AND YOU WILL BE, TOO, BECAUSE

IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENT, "TARIQ'S CAT CORNER.

>> Jimmy: ACTUALLY, TARIQ, WE HAD TO CUT THE CAT CORNER BIT

TONIGHT FOR TIME, SORRY, MAN >> Tariq: OH

I SEE. [ SOMBER MUSIC ]

♪ WELL, I GUESS I JUST PUT ALL MY

CAT TOYS AWAY THEN >> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ

TARIQ,DON'T BE LIKE THAT >> Tariq: IT'S FINE.

>> Jimmy: IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. ♪

♪ I DID MY BEST BUT I GUESS MY BES

WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HERE WE AR

BACK WHERE WE WERE BEFORE ♪ ♪ SEEMS NOTHING EVER CHANGE

WE'RE BACK TO BEING STRANGER WONDERING IF WE OUGHT TO STO

OR HEAD ON OUT THE DOOR ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE

CAN WE FIGURE OU WHAT WE'VE

BEEN DOING WRONG ♪ ♪ WHY WE NEVER LAST

FOR VERY LONG ♪ ♪ OH WHAT ARE W

DOING WRONG ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE

CAN WE FIND A WA TO FINALLY MAKE IT RIGHT ♪

♪ OH MAKE THE MAGIC LAST FOR MOR

THAN JUST ONE NIGHT ♪ ♪ IF WE COULD JUS

GET TO I I KNOW WE COUL

BREAK THROUGH IT ♪ ♪ JUST ONCE

WE CAN MAKE IT JUST ONCE ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE WE'LL TRY

CAT CORNER NEXT WEEK >> Tariq: COPY THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: MOVING ON. MOVING RIGHT ALONG

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS

OVER THE WEEKEND IN THE HAMPTONS, THE CHAINSMOKERS HELD

A CONCERT THAT'S NOW BEING

INVESTIGATED BY THE STATE'S HEALTH DEPARTMENT. WATCH THIS

>> OFFICIALS IN NEW YORK STATE ARE INVESTIGATING A DRIVE‐IN

CONCERT IN THE HAMPTONS THAT APPEARED TO VIOLATE SOCIAL

DISTANCING GUIDELINES. POSTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SHOW

CROWDS OF FANS LEAVING THEIR CARS, GATHERING IN FRONT OF THE

STAGE, MANY NOT WEARING MASKS. GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO TWEETED

ABOUT THE EVENT ON MONDAY, SAYING, "I AM APPALLED."

>> Jimmy: GOOD LORD, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HEALTHIER TO ACTUALLY

CHAIN SPOKE. [ LAUGHTER ]

AFTER SPENDING THE LAST FEW MONTHS IN QUARANTINE ON THEIR

COMPUTERS, PEOPLE NEEDED TO GET OUT AND SEE TWO GUYS PERFORM ON

THEIR COMPUTERS. IT'S NOT JUST CONCERTS STARTING

UP AGAIN, I READ THAT POOLS ON THE EAST COAST ARE STARTING TO

REOPEN INCLUDING EIGHT OVER THE WEEKEND

HERE IN NEW YORK CITY. IT SEEMS A BIT RISKY, BUT

OFFICIALS INSIST IT WILL BE SAFE IF EVERYONE FOLLOWS PROPER

GUIDELINES

WHICH BRINGS US TO A NEW SEGMENT, CALLED, "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

♪ SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪

♪ WHA SO LET M

GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪ >> Jimmy: SO, LET ME GET THIS

STRAIGHT YOU WANT ME TO SHOW UP TO A

POOL, WEARING A MASK AND GLOVES, AND THEN GO INSIDE AND, YOU

KNOW, AWKWARDLY OPEN THE GATE WITH MY ELBOW, GET A WRISTBAND,

GET CHANGED AND ALL THA ‐‐ THEN TAKE OFF MY MASK AND GLOVES

BEFORE HOPPING INTO A POOL WITH 30 STRANGERS

SO, JUST TO BE CLEAR SO I'M NOW IN THE WATER WITH

30 PEOPLE. 30 PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHOSEN TO GO

TO A COMMUNAL POOL DURING A PANDEMIC

AND THEN WHAT DO I DO? STAND THERE, I GUESS

I SPLASH AROUND IN THE URINE OF THESE 30 PEOPLE?

TRYING TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY FROM EVERYONE.

WHILE A DRUNK DAD, DOES A CANNONBALL, WHICH SPLASHES URINE

WATER INTO MY MOUTH BECAUSE I WAS YELLING AT SOMEONE TO KEEP

THEIR DISTANCE DO I HAVE THAT STRAIGHT?

JUST, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE SO WHEN I'M DONE, I DRY OFF,

WIPING AWAY ALL THE GERM WATER INTO MY TOWEL, AND THEN I TAKE

THE TOWEL HOME WITH ME [ LAUGHTER ]

JUST A RECAP SHOW UP WITH MASK, TAKE OFF IN

POOL URINE WATER IN MOUTH

GERM TOWEL IN TRASH BAG, GO HOME

OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT. ♪ SO LET ME

GET THIS STRAIGH WHAT

SO LET ME ♪ ♪ GET THIS STRAIGHT ♪

>> Jimmy: WELL, GUYS, HERE'S ANOTHER BIG STORY.

EARLIER TODAY, ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR SPENT THREE HOURS

BEFORE A COMMITTEE BEING GRILLED BY DEMOCRATS ON THE FEDERAL

RESPONSE TO THE NATIONWIDE

PROTESTS OVER POLICE BRUTALITY AND THINGS GOT PRETTY INTENSE. CHECK THIS OUT

TRUNCHEONS ON AMERICAN CITIZENS. YOU DID IT HERE IN WASHINGTON.

YOU DID IT IN LAFAYETTE SQUARE YOU EXPANDED TO PORTLAND

AND NOW YOU ARE PROJECTING FEAR AND VIOLENCE NATIONWIDE.

IN PURSUIT OF OBVIOUS POLITICAL OBJECTIVES

SHAME ON YOU, MR. BARR >> CAN I JUST SAY ‐‐

>> SHAME ON YOU. >> Jimmy: DAMN, MAKE THAT ONE

MORE BARR THAT JUST GOT SHUT DOWN

[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT WAS THE FUN PART OF THE

HEARING. MAN, SEEING JERRY NADLER AND

WILLIAM BARR TOGETHER, THEY LOOK LIKE TWO GUYS WHO KEEP SHOWING

UP TO THE SAME AUDITION. "GOUT SUFFERER COMMERCIAL?

ME, TOO. AND FINALLY, TECH NEWS

A COMPANY RELEASED A NEW DEVICE CALLED THE ALEXAGATE THAT STOPS

YOUR AMAZON ALEXA FROM LISTENING TO YOU

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING. YEAH

THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN ALEXA IS WEARING A MASK

THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY LAMP SHADE MY GRANDPARENTS OWNED.

MEANWHILE, YOUR SMART TV JUST LOOKS AT ALEXA LIKE "I'LL FILL

YOU IN LATER." [ LAUGHTER ]

WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S" WEEKEND UPDATE, MICHAEL CHE IS

HERE [ APPLAUSE ]

SOCCER SUPERSTAR, MEGAN RAPINOE IS HERE!

[ APPLAUSE ] AND WE GOT MUSIC FROM ANGEL

OLSEN.

[ APPLAUSE ] IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS

♪ HASHTAG HASHTAGS ♪

>> Jimmy: HEY, WE DO THIS THING WHERE I SEND OUT A ‐

A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC.

SO FOR THIS WEEK I ASKED YOU GUYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER ‐‐

BEST DESCRIBE YOUR SUMMER USING THE HASHTAG "MY SUMMER IN SIX

WORDS. FOR EXAMPLE, I SENT OUT A TWEET

THAT SAID, "FEEL THE HEAT, SMELL THE BREATH."

WITHIN MINUTES, THE HASHTAG BECAME THE NUMBER ONE TRENDING

TOPIC IN THE U. S [ APPLAUSE ]

SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG WE WANT TO DO THEIR EVERY WEEK

HERE SO NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME

OF MY FAVORITE "MY SUMMER IN SIX WORDS" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS

THIS FIRST ONE IS FROM @LOPEYWOPEY.

SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T KNOW NOSES SWEAT, UNTIL NOW."

THEY DO. CHINS, TOO

THIS ONE IS FROM @TAYLORLYNEA. SHE SAYS, "TRASH GOES OUT MORE

THAN ME. SMART.

THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM @MELODYBUTLER.

SHE SAYS, "THE BEST SUMMER EVER, SAYS MY DOG.

THIS ONE IS FROM @VANSHA2017 THEY SAY, "LET'S HANG!

SENDING YOU THE LINK." THAT SUMS UP THE SUMMER.

LET'S HANG OUT, I'LL SEND YOU THE LINK

WE'RE ALL GONNA LOG ON AT 7:00 PM.

THIS ONE IS FROM @CAPNOMYSOUL. KIND OF ROMANTIC

KIND OF? WELL, IF IT WAS CAPTAIN, IT

MIGHT BE MORE. CAP'N MAKES IT FEEL LIKE A

CEREAL >> Tariq: YOU GOTTA SAY IT FAST,

LIKE KIRK'S NAME CAP'N.

>> Jimmy: CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL >> Tariq: JUST THE CAP'N PART.

CAP'N OF MY SOUL >> Jimmy: CAP'N OF MY SOUL

>> Tariq: YEAH >> Jimmy: BUT IT'S LIKE, CAP'N

IS KIND OF SPELLED LIKE THE CEREAL

>> Tariq: YEAH, CAP'N CRUNCH CAPTAIN KIRK

>> Jimmy: CAP'N KIRK TAKES ME OUT A LITTLE BIT.

IS CAPTAIN KIRK ‐‐ >> Tariq: IT'S CAP'N, CAP'N.

>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT CAPTAIN >> Tariq: NO, IT'S CAP'N

[ LAUGHTER ] LIKE THE CEREAL.

>> Questlove: YOU LOOK DISAPPOINTED

>> Jimmy: YEAH I'M BUMMED OUT

>> Tariq: IT'S BEEN 12 YEARS [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: I DON'T CALL HIM "CAPTAIN."

THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. HEY, CAPTAIN

I GUESS IT IS. ANYWAYS, @CAPNOMYSOUL, HE SAYS,

"YES, NETFLIX. STILL WATCHING

ALWAYS WATCHING. STOP ASKING ME

THIS ONE IS FROM @CLEANKILLER. HE SAYS, "TELL US ABOUT OUTSIDE

AGAIN, DADDY." [ LAUGHTER ]

THIS ONE IS FROM @MELISSABUNTCAKE

YOU THINK THAT'S HER REAL NAME >> Questlove: BUNTCAKE

>> Jimmy: YEAH MELISSA BUNTCAKE

>> Tariq: YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY PRONOUNCED DIFFERENTLY

[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BUNT‐KICK.

>> Tariq: BUNT‐COCKY [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Questlove: HEY, HEY HEY.

[ RIM SHOT ] >> Tariq: COME ON, THEY GET YOU

EVERY ‐‐ >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, MAYBE, YEAH.

I DIDN'T SEE THE LINE OVER THE E.

SHE SAYS, "MELISSA, CAN YOU MUTE YOUR MIC?"

[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]

THIS ONE IS FROM @CATMOMTO8. SHE SAYS, "DIDN'T WE ALREADY

WATCH THIS EPISODE?" YEAH, BUT WATCH, IT'S "OZARK."

COME ON, MAN EVERY EPISODE IS GOOD.

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT, BY THE WAY >> Questlove: YES.

>> Tariq: YES. >> Jimmy: I'M ONLY ON EPISODE

THREE. >> Tariq: OF THE MOST RECENT

SEASON >> Jimmy: NO

SEASON ‐ >> Questlove: OH, WOW.

>> Jimmy: OH, WOW. >> Questlove: YOU'RE GOING TO

HAVE FUN >> Jimmy: REALLY

>> Tariq: YEAH >> Jimmy: I LOVE IT.

I LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. EVERYONE'S LIKE A GREAT

CHARACTER. >> Tariq: BATEMAN'S THE MAN.

>> Jimmy: HE'S CRUSHING IT JASON BATEMAN.

THIS LAST ONE IS FROM @SEAWOLF510.

HE SAYS, "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE YELL JUMANJI ALREADY?"

[ LAUGHTER ] PERFECT.

THERE YOU HAVE IT, THOSE ARE OUR TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS.

TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES GO TO

TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS AND HEY, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

WITH MICHAEL CHE, EVERYBODY. ♪

♪ ♪

>> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE HEAD WRITERS AT "SATURDAY

NIGHT LIVE" AND A CO‐ANCHOR OF WEEKEND UPDATE

HE IS A VERY, VERY FUNNY STANDUP AS WELL.

HERE IS MICHAEL CHE! MICHAEL CHE, IT IS GREAT TO SEE

YOU. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BUDDY.

>> MAN, DO I REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH

YOU REALLY LOOK GREAT. I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST

YOU'VE EVER LOOKED >> MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT ‐‐ IT'S

WEIRD BECAUSE I'M IN THE HOUSE MOSTLY BY MYSELF

AND I DON'T HEAR A LOT OF COMPLIMENTS, SO WHEN YOU SAY IT,

IT ALMOST FEELS SARCASTIC. BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE IT

YOU LOOK GOOD, TOO [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: THANKS, BUD. I APPRECIATE IT.

I FOLLOW YOU ON THE SOCIALS AND STUFF AND SAW THAT YOU WERE

DOING SOME STANDUP I THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST

COMEDIAN I SAW DO STANDUP ‐‐ OUTSIDE.

>> I THINK TECHNICALLY, DAVE WAS A DAY BEFORE ME, BUT WE STARTED

THAT SAME WEEKEND, AND WE WAS TALKING THROUGHOUT THE WEEK.

SO, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. HE'S DOING SHOWS OUT IN OHIO,

WHICH I WENT OUT TO DO AS WELL, AND I WAS DOING THEM IN THE

QUEENS PARKING LOT SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHERE WE

ARE AS SUCCESSFUL COMEDIANS. >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT

TO DO ONE IN THE PARKING LOT AND WAS THIS A RESPONSE TO THE

PROTEST? >> WELL, ACTUALLY, NO.

IT WAS ‐‐ I JUST WANTED TO DO COMEDY, MAN.

I WAS REALLY, LIKE, JUST STEWIN'IN THE HOUSE.

I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT THERE AND DO COMEDY, AND EVERYTHING

WAS HAPPENING. THE PROTESTING WAS HAPPENING

ALL THE TENSION WAS GOING ON I JUST WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SAY

SOMETHING TO AN AUDIENCE, AND I PUT ON INSTAGRAM, "I HAVE

SOMETHING TO SAY." I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT SOME

PEOPLE FROM THE PROTEST, THE ORGANIZERS, PUT IT ON THE BLACK

LIVES MATTER WEBSITE, I GUESS. AND, SO, ALL THESE PEOPLE CAME

THAT THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO SEE A PROTEST, AND I LITERALLY

JUST WANTED TO TRY A COUPLE JOKES ABOUT MY NETHER REGIONS,

AND THAT WAS IT. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD TO SAY

SOMETHING IMPORTANT. SO I FAKED IT, YOU KNOW?

>> Jimmy: START WRITING RIGHT THERE, START WRITING JOKES

YOU'RE LIKE "OH, MY GOSH." >> I SAID I WAS GOING TO SAY

SOMETHING IMPORTANT, THERE WERE SIGNS AND STUFF.

I'M LIKE, "THAT'S MAYBE A LITTLE MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR.

BUT IT WAS A FUN TURNOUT, THOUGH

IT WAS AWESOME WE WENT TO A LONG ISLAND CITY

PARKING LOT, AND IT WAS LIKE RIGHT OVER THE WATER

YOU COULD SEE THE BUILDING YOU COULD SEE THE CITY

I LOOKED AT IT AS, LIKE, MY USO TOUR

I FELT LIKE BOB HOPE LIKE, THE PROTESTS WERE THE

TROOPS AND I WAS JUST ENTERTAINING THEM TO KEEP MORALE

UP AND THEN THEY'D GO PROTEST RIGHT

AFTER THAT THANKED THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE

AND I WENT BACK IN AN UBER HOME. >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE

ON STAGE AND HEAR PEOPLE LAUGHING AGAIN

>> IT WAS STRANGE BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS

IT WAS, IT WAS PRETTY DOPE BECAUSE AFTER A WHILE YOU STILL

FEEL IT, YOU KNOW, YOU STILL FEEL THE ENERGY FROM PEOPLE.

>> Jimmy: IS THAT IT'S OVER AT CHAPPELLE'S BARN AS WELL ‐‐ OR

WHEREVER HE'S PERFORMING IN OHIO

>> HE'S LITERALLY GOT ALL THESE CELEBRITIES THERE WITH ALL THESE

PEOPLE THERE WERE PERFORMING AND EVERYBODY'S SPACED OUT

EVERYBODY'S IN MASKS EVERYTHING'S SAFE.

IT'S BIZARRE, BUT IT'S REALLY NEEDED

BECAUSE AFTER ABOUT 30 MINUTES, YOU'RE AT A SHOW

YOU FORGET ALL THAT STUFF. YOU FORGET YOU'RE IN A BARN.

YOU FORGET YOU'RE OUT ON A FARM OR WHATEVER, YOU'RE JUST HAVING

A GOOD TIME. >> Jimmy: AND I HEARD YOU GOT TO

VISIT COLIN JOST, YOUR WEEKEND UPDATE CO‐STAR, CO‐ANCHOR.

>> YEAH, I WENT TO COLIN'S HOUSE LAST WEEKEND, AND HE WAS IN THE

HAMPTONS I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD SAY

THAT, BECAUSE HE KEEPS IT VERY PRIVATE, BUT HE LIVES ON THE

HAMPTONS, ON 124 ‐‐ NO, NO ‐ [ LAUGHTER ]

‐‐ BUT HE DOES LIVE IN THE HAMPTONS

NO, I WENT TO HIS HOUSE. HE GOT A VACATION HOUSE IN THE

HAMPTONS I WAS LIKE, "WE HAVE THE SAME

JOB, BUT YET WE DON'T MAKE THE SAME MONEY

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S FAIR. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT'S

UNFAIR, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR

>> Jimmy: THAT IS NOT RIGHT. I HEARD THAT YOU MIGHT BE BUYING

A HOUSE. >> I AM!

I THINK I'M GOING TO DO IT I'D LIKE TO.

YOU KNOW, HANGING OUT WITH DAVE IN OHIO AND STUFF AND SEEING

THAT KIND OF LIFE, THAT COUNTRY LIFE AND GOING TO COLIN'S HOUSE

IN THE HAMPTONS AND SEEING THAT KIND OF COUNTRY LIFE, I FEEL

LIKE I WANT TO MOVE TO THE COUNTRY.

I FINALLY DID, YOU KNOW. I WANT TO BUY A HOUSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO I GO ON ZILLOW, BECAUSE I'M

ADDICTED TO ZILLOW NOW I WENT ON ZILLOW, AND I MARK

EVERY WHOLE FOODS, AND I LOOK FOR NEIGHBORHOODS AROUND THERE

BECAUSE IF WHOLE FOODS BUILT THERE, IT'S DEFINITELY A DECENT

NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU KNOW I FOUND A WHOLE FOODS AROUND

THERE, AND TEN MINUTES OUT THERE'S LIKE A NICE LITTLE

COUNTRY PLACE, AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S LIKE, ALSO, COUNTRY TO ME IS LIKE IF THERE'S NO CVS

AROUND, IT'S COUNTRY >> Jimmy: HOW COUNTRY ‐‐ BECAUSE

I GREW UP IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. THERE'S, LIKE, DIRT AND PEOPLE

GO CAMPING AND STUFF, IT'S REALLY COUNTRY

>> THAT'S COUNTRY. >> NO CVS, THAT'S COUNTRY.

IF I NEED COCOA BUTTER 4:00 IN THE MORNING I GOT TO WAIT UNTIL

NOON OR WHATEVER YEAH, IT'S VERY, VERY COUNTRY.

VERY QUIET MY NEIGHBOR HAS CHICKENS AND

PEACOCK. >> Jimmy: LIKE, PEACOCK.

>> PEACOCK, THAT'S WHAT I SAID LIKE LITERALLY PEACOCK

YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT ABOUT PEACOCK, JIMMY

>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT? >> THE SCREAMS SOUND LIKE MAN

SCREAMS. [ LAUGHTER ]

DID YOU KNOW THAT? >> Jimmy: NO, HERE'S WHAT I

WOULD DO IF I WERE YOU I WOULD START THINKING OF A NEW

NOISE TO YELL THAT WON'T BE CONFUSED WITH THE PEACOCK IN

CASE YOU ARE BEING TRAPPED OR YOU NEED HELP, IS THERE

SOMETHING YOU CAN GO, LIKE A WOOP

OR A ‐ SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T ‐‐ LOOK,

WE'LL TALK AFTER THE SHOW. I'LL WORK ON SOUND EFFECTS

>> I COULD JUST ‐‐ I COULD JUST YELL "I'M A MAN.

WHICH IS THE SADDEST THING THE SADDEST THING TO YELL WITH

TEARS FLOWING DOWN YOUR FACE "I'M A MAN."

>> Jimmy: I'M THINKING OF SOUND EFFECTS, I'M GOING LIKE BEEP,

BOP, BEEP. YEAH, OF COURSE JUST YELL "I'M A

MAN. >> OH, DEAR WORDS.

>> Jimmy: I'M TRAPPED. YEAH, SMARTER.

>> HUMAN BEINGS, WE DISCOVERED LANGUAGE AND ALL THAT.

IT'D BE AWESOME. YEAH

>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW HBO MAX SHOW, WHAT CAN YOU

TELL US ABOUT IT >> MAN, FIRST OF ALL, I'M REALLY

EXCITED TO DO DID. AND IT'S DOPE TO BE ABLE TO DO

ANY SHOW YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, THAT'S

KIND OF THE DREAM, RIGHT TO GET AIRTIME, OR STREAM TIME

NOW AS THEY CALL IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY.

>> STREAM TIME SOUNDS LIKE I'VE GOT TO USE THE BATHROOM IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. BUT ‐‐

>> Jimmy: STREAM TIME. YEAH

JOE BIDEN HAS ‐‐ TAKES PILLS TO GET STREAM TIME.

>> BUT, NO I'M EXCITED, AND I WAS SO

EXCITED FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND ALL OF THAT.

THEY ANNOUNCED IT AND THEY SAID THIS WHOLE SHOW ABOUT THE BLACK

EXPERIENCE AND IT'S GOING TO BE BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK.

AND I GOT REALLY NERVOUS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I PITCHED IT.

BECAUSE I WANTED THEM TO GIVE ME MONEY, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I'D

ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO THAT SO NOW I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.

I WISH THEY KIND OF WOULD HAVE BEEN VAGUE ABOUT IT AND LET IT

BE A SURPRISE, BUT I'M, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TOO,

UH >> Jimmy: I KNOW, JUST TRY TO

MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, THAT'S ALL. THAT'S REALLY WHAT WE'RE TRYING

TO GET AT. >> I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE A

GOOD TIME. I'M JUST TRYING TO PAY FOR THESE

PEACOCKS, MAN. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: HEY, CAN YOU STICK AROUND

CAUSE I'D LIKE TO GET YOUR OPINION ON A FEW THINGS.

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT. >> HELL, YEAH.

I'M HERE >> Jimmy: MICHAEL CHE AND I ARE

DOING SOMETHING FUN WHEN WE COME BACK

STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY! ♪

♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK

I'M HERE WITH MICHAEL CHE. NOW, CHE, I FOLLOW YOU ON

INSTAGRAM, I LOVE HOW WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT JUST THINGS THAT

ANNOY YOU, AND STUFF LIKE THAT PEOPLE GET SO MAD, BUT IT'S SO

FUNNY TO ME. AND ANYWAY, JUST AS YOU KNOW,

I'M A BIG FAN OF IT, AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LIKE IT ALL THE

TIME I DON'T WANT TO BE A STALKER

>> YEAH, THAT'S FOR THE BEST >> Jimmy: THANK YOU.

WELL, I THINK, I'D LIKE TO PLAY A NEW GAME, IT'S CALLED "GO OFF.

GO OFF GO OFF ♪

>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS

A RANDOM TOPIC WILL APPEAR ON SCREEN, AND WHATEVER IT IS,

YOU'LL HAVE TO "GO OFF" ON THAT TOPIC FOR 30 SECONDS

MAKE SENSE >> ALL RIGHT

>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. HERE'S YOUR FIRST TOPIC.

♪ >> OH, MAN, THAT'S EASY.

YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE SIDE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE FIRST ONE

TO COME UP >> THAT'S EASY MAN

I HATE YOGURT WITH FRUIT ON THE SIDE

YOU KNOW IT LOOKS ‐‐ IT REMINDS ME OF THOSE ‐‐ YOU KNOW THOSE

MOTORCYCLES WITH THE LITTLE SIDECAR?

IT SOUNDS GOOD NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN THE

SIDECAR. ALSO, YOU CAN NEVER GET ALL OF

THE FRUIT OUT OF THE SIDE TO PUT IN YOUR YOGURT, SO THEY'RE

SKIMMIN' FRUIT PUT ALL MY FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM

SO I CAN HAVE IT MIXED UP. I LIKE TO SHAKE ‐‐

[ LAUGHTER ] I SHAKE THE YOGURT, I'M A

SHAKER YOU CAN'T SHAKE FRUIT AT THE

SIDE >> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH, THE

SIDECAR. >> IT'S THE SECOND WORST THING

TO HAPPEN TO YOGURT OTHER THAN THAT LITTLE SWEAT ‐‐ THAT SWEAT

THAT COMES ON THE LID. YOU KNOW THE SWEAT ON THE LID?

>> Jimmy: THAT'S A LITTLE BONUS JUICE.

>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: SORRY ABOUT THAT

LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE. THE NEXT TOPIC

HERE WE GO ♪

"FAKE CROWD NOISE AT SPORTS GAMES.

>> OH, MY, FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THERE'S ANY SPORTS

GAMES RIGHT NOW IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BUT THE WORST PART, DON'T PATRONIZE ME WITH FAKE CROWD

NOISE. IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU GET

ARGUMENTS WITH PEOPLE THAT PLAY SPORTS OR THAT THINK THEY CAN

COACH BETTER THAN THE TEAM AND NOW I GOT TO LISTEN TO FAKE

PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THESE

FAKE PEOPLE ARE BOOING THEY COULD BE BOOING SOMETHING

IMPORTANT AND NOW YOU GOT ‐‐ COULD YOU IMAGINE, LIKE, BOOING

SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT YOU'RE A REAL HECKLER.

YOU'RE BOOING, I DON'T KNOW, ONE OF, SOME BAD GUY'S SPEECH.

I DON'T KNOW [ DING ]

THAT WAS A HARD ONE, I'M SORRY, JIMMY.

>> Jimmy: HEY, MAN, THAT'S WHOLE THING, MAN

>> I COULDN'T THINK OF A BAD GUY.

>> Jimmy: I THINK ‐‐ THE CROWD NOISE I WOULD GET RID OF, TOO,

BUT ALSO, I DON'T LIKE THE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE PEOPLE.

>> I HATE 'EM. IT'S DUMB.

IT'S LIKE, COME ON MAN >> Jimmy: COME ON DUDE

AT ONE ‐‐ ONE OF THE THINGS I SAW, THERE WAS LIKE A GIANT DOG

IN ONE OF THE CHAIRS >> YEAH, WE'RE WATCHIN' SPORTS

BECAUSE WE MISS SPORTS AND WE LIKE SPORTS.

JUST LET US WATCH THE GAME WE DON'T NEED TO WATCH THE

CROWD. >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M

MISSING. I'M NOT MISSING DISTRACTIONS

WE'RE GOOD WE UNDERSTAND, I AGREE WITH YOU.

VERY GOOD. HERE WE GO, LET'S DO ONE MORE OR

A COUPLE MORE. HERE WE GO

♪ >> OH, TOASTERS WITH SIX ‐‐ THIS

IS ‐‐ FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU'RE MAKING MORE THAN FOUR PIECES OF

TOAST, NOBODY WANTS THAT MUCH TOAST.

ALL RIGHT? NOBODY ‐‐ AND IF YOU ARE, YOU

CAN WAIT CAN YOU WAIT ON TOAST, IT'S

FINE YOU DON'T NEED SIX SPOTS UNLESS

YOU HAVE LINEAGE FROM LYNNWICH DO THEY HAVE LYNNWICH ALL OVER

THE COUNTRY? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

>> Jimmy: NO, I KNOW LYNNWICH ‐‐ IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THINK

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY ‐ >> IT'S A VERY NEW YORK THING?

>> Jimmy: I WAS GONNA SAY, IF YOU'RE NOT JIM GAFFIGAN, YOU

SHOULDN'T HAVE A TOASTER WITH SIX.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> IF YOU CAN'T GET TOAST RIGHT

IN FOUR TRIES. [ DING ]

[ LAUGHTER ] [ CLAPPING ]

>> Jimmy: I ALWAYS THINK THAT, TOO.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. THOUGH YOU DID IT.

THAT WAS A GREAT ONE LET'S DO ONE MORE.

HERE WE GO READY?

THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS >> LET'S DO IT

♪ OH, SCUBA DIVING

>> Jimmy: SCUBA DIVING >> I'VE NEVER ‐‐ I CAN'T SWIM,

RIGHT? SPOILER ALERT.

BUT I DON'T LIKE SCUBA DIVING BECAUSE, I DON'T ‐‐ FIRST OF

ALL, I DON'T LIKE THAT, REALLY JUST THE OCEAN'S BIG FOOT IF YOU

THINK ABOUT IT. BECAUSE YOU WALK DOWN AND THOUGH THE FISH DON'T

KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. AND YOU JUST IN THIS WEIRD

RUBBER SUIT WITH THIS MASK YOU MUST FREAK THEM OUT.

AND YOU'RE GOING INTO THEM ‐‐ FREAKIN' THEM OUT, YOU KNOW

YOU'RE BIG FOOT. YOU'RE BIG FOOT FOR THE OCEAN.

RIGHT? WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN, I DON'T

KNOW IF BIGFOOT'S AN ALIEN BUT WHEN ALIENS COME DOWN AND

THEY'RE JUST LIKE HANGIN' OUT AND THEY GO BACK, THAT'S WHAT

WE'RE DOING TO THE OCEAN AND IT SUCKS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT WAS GREAT

PERFECT. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR

"GO OFF. YOU ARE A GOOD MAN

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK ON THE SHOW

MY THANKS TO MICHAEL CHE WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT

SHOW." HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON BUD

>> THAT WAS FUN AS HELL. THANK YOU.

♪ ♪

>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST AS A CAPTAIN OF THE

U.S. WOMEN'S NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM

SHE'S AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, A TWO‐TIME WORLD CUP CHAMPION,

AND THE 2019 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SPORTSPERSON OF THE YEAR

HERE IS MEGAN RAPINOE. OH, MY GOSH.

I'M SO HAPPY PUMP THE CROWD NOISE IN NOW.

>> YEAH, EXACTLY >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY THAT

YOU'RE ON THE SHOW I GOT TO TELL YOU, I'M A FAN

I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV, SO PROUD OF YOU AND PROUD OF OUR

COUNTRY, AND I WAS SERIOUSLY, LIKE TEARS, WAS LIKE WATCHING

ONE OF THOSE AWESOME SPORTS MOVIES, EXCEPT IT WAS REAL LIFE.

I COULD JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR YOU

>> YEAH, I MEAN, HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A LITTLE BIT

THE SAME FOR ME AS IT IS FOR YOU, BUT LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP IT

TOGETHER A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE I'M LIKE, "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE

HERE." AND LIKE, "WE'RE DOING THE

WINNING THING, BUT LIKE ‐‐ >> Jimmy: YEAH

>> IT'S LIKE A CHILDHOOD DREAM COME TRUE, BUT THEN IT ACTUALLY

COMES TRUE, AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, "WAIT, WHAT DO I DO NOW?

NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT THE WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DO DID

IT PART. SO THEN I JUST HAD AS MUCH FUN

AS POSSIBLE, BASICALLY >> Jimmy: OH MAN, THE WORLD WAS

WATCHING YOU, MAN, AND ROOTING FOR YOU.

RIGHT NOW, YOU ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN IN TOKYO, CORRECT?

YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE OLYMPICS

>> YEAH, MM‐HM YEAH

>> Jimmy: BIZARRE TIMES WE LIVE IN

ARE YOU PREPPING FOR THE OLYMPICS FOR NEXT YEAR OR NOT

YET? >> I MEA

>> Jimmy: TOO SOON >> KIND OF

YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE TOO SOON IT'S A REALLY WEIRD LIKE

TRAINING SORT OF SPOT THAT WE'RE IN

CAUSE LIKE YOU CAN'T REALLY GO HARD AND STAY AT LIKE YOUR

HIGHEST LEVEL, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO THAT ALL YEAR ROUND, AND

SO ‐ >> Jimmy: YEAH

>> IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY BIZARRE, WE'RE USED TO HAVING EVERYTHING

PLANNED OUT IN OUR LIVES PRETTY MUCH FOR YEARS AT A TIME

AND SI WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE, WELL, ARE WE

JUST ‐ WE'RE WORKING OUT FOR HEALTH I

GUESS, GOT A PELOTON, DOING YOGA, DOING PILATES, I'M JUST

TRYING TO LIKE STAY HEALTHY. AND YOU KNOW, DO ALL ‐

>> Jimmy: PUT ON THE LULULEMONS AND GO FOR IT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU HAVE TO. >> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN FOR ACTIVISM AS WELL, WHICH I REALLY

LOVE ABOUT YOU YOU'RE THE FIRST NON‐NFL ATHLETE

TO TAKE A KNEE, AND YOU GOT A LOT OF HEAT FOR THAT ONE

AND NOW I SEE A LOT OF SPORTS ARE SUPPORTING TAKING A KNEE

I KNOW MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DID DID IT, WNBA DID IT.

I THINK THE NBA HAS A THING. BUT WHAT WAS THE SHIFT THERE YOU

THINK? >> I THINK THE PANDEMIC,

HONESTLY, SORT OF LAID BARE A LOT OF THE LIES THAT WERE TOLD

WE DON'T, OH, IT'S GOING TO BE TOO MUCH FOR HEALTH CARE, AND

TOO MUCH ‐ WELL, WE FOUND LIKE $3 TRILLION,

LIKE REALLY EASILY, I WAS LIKE, DID WE JUST HAVE THIS THE WHOLE

TIME LIKE, WE JUST HAD TO LIKE VOTE

ON IT? SO I THINK PEOPLE ARE KIND OF

STARTING TO CONNECT ALL OF THE DIFFERENT DOTS

I THINK WE'VE SEEN WHAT'S HAPPENED TO COLIN OVER ALL OF

THESE YEARS AND HOW MUCH BACKLASH HE'S GOT, BUT THEN ALL

OF THESE THINGS COME INTO FRUITION, LITERALLY WHAT HE'S

TALKING ABOUT BEING PLAYED OUT, YOU KNOW, FOR ALL OF US TO SEE

IN THESE VIDEOS. I GUESS MY HOPE IS THAT PEOPLE

ARE STARTING TO CONNECT THE DOTS AND REALIZING THAT WE DON'T HAVE

TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THIS WE DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD

WHERE, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE HEALTHCARE THAT'S ADEQUATE AND

OUR SCHOOLS AREN'T ADEQUATE. WE'RE ONE OF THE RICHEST

COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD LIKE, WE CAN DO BETTER FOR

OURSELVES. AND WE CAN DO BETTER FOR THE

PEOPLE THAT ARE LIVING HERE. >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE

GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHEN ‐‐ YOU'RE NOW A TALK SHOW HOST.

YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME FOR ADVICE

NOW WE'RE NOW IN THE SAME CLUB THIS SATURDAY AT 10:00 P. M. ON

HBO. WHAT, WHO, WHAT DO YOU TALK

ABOUT ON YOUR SHOW WHAT IS IT ABOUT

>> IT'S CALLED, "SEEING AMERICA.

I'M SORT OF ON THIS MISSION TO MAKE POLITICS COOL

AND I FEEL LIKE POLITICS IS ALWAYS THIS THING, AND IT'S SORT

OF MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS OR IT'S PACKAGED AS, "OH, THIS IS NOT

THIS COOL THING. IT'S DIFFICULT TO GET INVOLVED

IN, JUST LIKE KIND OF STAY OUT OF IT.

AND THEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WELL, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET

INVOLVED." AND IT'S LIKE, ACTUALLY,

POLITICS IS ENGAGING WITH YOU WHETHER YOU'RE ENGAGING WITH IT

OR NOT, ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT

YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS POLITICAL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A BLACK

PERSON, OR A BLACK TRANS WOMAN OR A GAY WOMAN LIKE MYSELF

OR A GAY FEMALE ATHLETE. YOU KNOW, OUR LIVES ARE

POLITICAL IN SO MANY WAYS. AND SO, TRYING TO BREAK IT DOWN

FOR PEOPLE, TO MAKE IT A LITTLE BIT MORE RELATABLE AND THEN GET

PEOPLE ENERGIZED ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED IN THE CIVIC PROCESS

AND GETTING INVOLVED, AND, YOU KNOW ‐

JUST BEING MORE ACTIVE IN THEIR COMMUNITIES, BUT ALSO FOR

THEMSELVES AS WELL OBVIOUSLY, VOTING IS A HUGE ONE.

WE'RE COMING UP ON THE GENERAL ELECTION, WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, I

MEAN, DEFINITELY IN MY LIFETIME THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, BUT

CERTAINLY A HUGELY CONSEQUENCAL ELECTION

>> Jimmy: YEAH, 2016, I THINK, CAUSE I WAS LOOKING AT THE

WEBSITE, WHEN WE ALL VOTE, AND IT SAID, 100 MILLION PEOPLE

DIDN'T VOTE. >> 100 MILLION PEOPLE DIDN'T

VOTE >> Jimmy: DID NOT VOTE, SO LET'S

CHANGE THAT. IT'S FREE, YOU JUST HAVE TO

REGISTER AND HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD.

WHY NOT DO THAT? >> YEAH.

I MEAN, WHEN WE ALL VOTE IS AMAZING.

IT'S BIPARTISAN, AND VOTING IN GENERAL SHOULD BE BIPARTISAN

WE SHOULD TRY TO BE GETTING AS MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED IN VOTING

AS POSSIBLE. YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF THE

GREATEST THINGS ABOUT OUR COUNTRY.

WE LIVE IN A DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY, AND SO EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE

AND HAVE THEIR VOICE HEARD YOU KNOW, THIS IS COMING FROM

ME, BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY CERTAIN PEOPLE OR CERTAIN

PARTIES WORK SO HARD TO KEEP PEOPLE OUT OF VOTING

I THINK THAT THE MORE PEOPLE VOTE, THE MORE THE POLICIES OF

THE COUNTRY REFLECT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE VOTING AND ULTIMATELY

TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE VOTING FROM, ALL THE WAY FROM

THE PRESIDENCY DOWN‐BALLOT WE'RE SEEING IN THIS PANDEMIC IN

GENERAL WE'RE SEEING HOW IMPORTANT MAYORS ARE AND HOW

IMPORTANT THE GOVERNORS ARE. >> Jimmy: YEAH

>> YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE GAVIN NEWSOM AND, YOU KNOW, THE

GOVERNOR FROM NEW YORK, CUOMO, THEY'VE BECOME LIKE THESE

SUPERSTARS IN THIS WAY, BUT IT'S LIKE, THEY'RE REALLY IMPORTANT

THEY HAVE A HUGE JOB AND SO ALL OF THESE THINGS

AFFECT OUR DAILY LIVES EVERY DAY.

AND SO TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE REGISTERED SO THEIR VOICE CAN BE

HEARD, SO THEIR POLICIES CAN REFLECT THEIR NEEDS AND THE

NEEDS OF THEIR COMMUNITIES, I THINK, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

THING THAT WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW >> Jimmy: MEGAN, BEFORE WE

LEAVE, DO YOU WANT TO MOVE YOUR SCARF OUT OF THE WAY

I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS COVERING YOUR SHIRT, BUT I JUST THOUGHT

IT WAS PRETTY IMPORTANT THAT YOU SEE IT

>> YES >> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

COMING ON MY SHOW. I'M A BIG FAN.

PLEASE COME BACK, AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU IN PERSON

>> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS IN PERSON AGAIN, AND IT'S A GREAT TIME TO

ARREST THE COPS, SO, SAY HER NAME, BREONNA TAYLOR, REST IN

PEACE, YOU WENT TOO SOON >> Jimmy: MEGAN RAPINOE,

EVERYBODY. CHECK OUT WHENWEALLVOTE.ORG FOR

MORE INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET INVOLVED

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE FROM ANGEL OLSEN

STICK AROUND ♪

♪ >> Jimmy: PERFORMING THE SONG

"WHOLE NEW MESS," FROM HER UPCOMING ALBUM OUT AUGUST 28th, HERE'S ANGEL OLSEN

NO BEFORE IT'S REALLY

SHOWING ♪ ♪ IT'S EVERY SEASON

WHERE IT IS I'M GOIN I STRETCH MY BONES

OUT ON THE FLOOR ♪ ♪ I THINK I'LL REALLY

DO THE CHANG OH I'LL REALLY DO THE CHANGE

REALLY DO THE CHANGE ♪ ♪ BACK HOME

♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC

WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪

♪ BACK ON TRACK BACK TO MY OWN HEA

CLEARED OU 'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪

♪ CELEBRATE THE BES TAKE A PHOTO FOR

THE PRES AGAIN ♪

♪ IT WON'T BE LON BEFORE IT'S REALLY SHOWING

IT'S EVERY SEASO WHERE IT IS I'M GOING ♪

♪ I STRETCH MY BONE OUT ON THE FLOOR

I THINK I'LL REALL DO THE CHANGE ♪

♪ OH I'LL REALL DO THE CHANG

REALLY DO THE CHANGE BACK HOME ♪

♪ GETTIN' BACK ON TRACK GETTIN' BACK ON TRAC

WHEN IT ALL FADES TO BLACK I'LL BE GETTIN' ♪

♪ BACK ON TRACK BACK TO MY OWN HEA

CLEARED OU 'TIL THE TIME COMES ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS AGAIN

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS ♪

♪ MAKE A WHOL NEW MESS

MAKE A WHOLE NEW MESS AGAIN ♪

>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO ANGEL OLSEN.

MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE COME BACK.

♪ >> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR

WATCHING STAY SAFE OUT THERE.

WASH YOUR HANDS. DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE.

WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY

♪ ♪

♪