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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:25,327 You can run, but you can't hide from the Lord. 4 00:00:28,538 --> 00:00:31,098 You can never judge a woman with bad... 5 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,208 Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful person. 6 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:21,222 Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual talent. 7 00:01:21,256 --> 00:01:26,354 Sarah Rose knows you're a teenage girl. 8 00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:29,193 And she definitely knows... 9 00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:33,965 that you are ready for the ultimate in teen glamour. 10 00:01:36,104 --> 00:01:40,541 The American Teen Princess Pageant! 11 00:01:40,575 --> 00:01:43,340 And now, a few words from last year's host... 12 00:01:43,378 --> 00:01:45,744 Mr. Adam West! 13 00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:48,273 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 14 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:54,187 has been enriching the lives of American-made girls since 1945. 15 00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:56,850 The American Teen Princess Pageant... 16 00:01:56,893 --> 00:02:01,387 provides personal growth, scholarship, travel! 17 00:02:01,431 --> 00:02:05,265 And you might even meet a few celebrities. 18 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,597 Yes! 19 00:02:06,636 --> 00:02:08,103 At the national level... 20 00:02:08,136 --> 00:02:11,664 thousands of seventeen-year-old girls like yourselves... 21 00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:14,710 compete around the country in places like... 22 00:02:14,744 --> 00:02:17,178 beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota... 23 00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:21,206 and make it all the way here to Lincoln, Alabama... 24 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:25,380 to compete for the title of American Teen Princess. 25 00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,857 So which one of you will it be? 26 00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:34,659 Like sands through the hourglass so are the "Days Of Our Lives. " 27 00:02:37,499 --> 00:02:40,128 God, Iris, you taped your shows over it. 28 00:02:40,168 --> 00:02:41,500 I'm sorry. 29 00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:49,873 Now, ladies, the rest of the tape... 30 00:02:49,911 --> 00:02:52,345 which is now gone forever... 31 00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:55,645 goes on about starting that great journey... 32 00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:58,813 which we call the American Teen Princess Pageant. 33 00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:00,584 So any of you young ladies... 34 00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:02,352 who'd like to start on that journey... 35 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,791 you just come right down here and sign up. 36 00:03:04,826 --> 00:03:07,727 And, please, help yourself to some coffee and bars. 37 00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:11,433 Showtime. 38 00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:14,365 Do you think most people would say... 39 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,701 that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea? 40 00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,171 Oh, yeah, sure. 41 00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:19,867 I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin'... 42 00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:22,409 hairy-legged women libbers might say. 43 00:03:22,445 --> 00:03:23,911 They might say that a pageant... 44 00:03:23,945 --> 00:03:26,311 is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls. 45 00:03:26,349 --> 00:03:28,374 What's sick is women dressing like men. 46 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,009 You betcha, Iris. 47 00:03:30,052 --> 00:03:32,019 No, I think you boys are going to find something... 48 00:03:32,054 --> 00:03:33,817 a little bit different here in Mount Rose. 49 00:03:33,855 --> 00:03:36,221 For one thing, we're all God-fearin' folk. 50 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,988 Every last one of us. 51 00:03:38,026 --> 00:03:42,395 And you will not find a "back room" in our video store. 52 00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,559 No, that filth is better left to the sin cities. 53 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,660 A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul. 54 00:04:10,393 --> 00:04:11,860 Oh, yeah, sure. 55 00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:13,326 Freda, sure. 56 00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,693 She was the oldest living Lutheran. 57 00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:18,460 Now she's as dead as a doornail. 58 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,025 It's the damn Shriners who won't take down... 59 00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:23,799 that goddamn sign, the lazy sons of bitches. 60 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,807 Every year... every damn year, I tell 'em... 61 00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:29,310 "Take down the goddamn Freda sign... 62 00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:30,845 "you lazy sons of bitches!" 63 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:48,259 Today's "to do" list includes a trip to the Mall of America... 64 00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:50,264 where we are going to be buying outfits... 65 00:04:50,298 --> 00:04:51,663 for the physical fitness number. 66 00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:52,725 Nothing too showy. 67 00:04:52,768 --> 00:04:54,360 No. You betcha, Iris. 68 00:04:54,403 --> 00:04:56,803 We need that third judge. Gosh, don't let me forget... 69 00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:58,066 We need to think of a theme. 70 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,540 Gladys, look out! 71 00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,543 Gosh darn it. Hello, Father Dunegan. 72 00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,341 Sidewalks? Sidewalks? 73 00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:08,475 Iris, stop it. It's not his fault. 74 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:12,077 The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them. 75 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,587 That's why we Lutherans use grape Kool-Aid... 76 00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:14,988 for the blood of Christ. 77 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,891 There's a parking space over there. 78 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,985 Oh, no. That's just a compact. Sorry. 79 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,791 You'd think they'd have the parking lot of America... 80 00:05:21,831 --> 00:05:23,422 to go with the Mall of America. 81 00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:26,196 It's a $200 fine! 82 00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:29,204 I told you I would move the car if a cripple came. 83 00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:32,468 Now just run in the store and pick out some outfits. 84 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,565 All right, let's go. 85 00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:35,110 Wait, wait, wait. 86 00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:36,405 What? 87 00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:38,139 I think I just thought of the theme. 88 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:40,875 Oh, what? 89 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,510 "Proud to be an American. " 90 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,851 So, what was the theme of the pageant last year? 91 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,653 Oh, that was "Buy American. " 92 00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:51,454 And the year before that was... 93 00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:53,689 "U.S.A. Is A-OK!" 94 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,493 And can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant? 95 00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,523 Can I? 96 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,363 "Amer-I Can!" 97 00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:03,897 People ask me where I get this. 98 00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,372 I don't know. A gift from God or something. 99 00:06:17,552 --> 00:06:18,713 Hi. 100 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:22,417 Just introduce yourself and tell us why... 101 00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:23,924 you're signing up for the pageant. 102 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,119 OK. Hi. Hi. 103 00:06:26,162 --> 00:06:28,755 I'm Leslie Miller. 104 00:06:28,798 --> 00:06:32,427 I'm signing up 'cause, you know... 105 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,527 I always watch the pageants on TV... 106 00:06:34,569 --> 00:06:37,733 and my boyfriend thinks I'll win. 107 00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:39,365 For my talent, I'm going to be doing... 108 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,033 You've been talking to this guy long enough. 109 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,101 I'm trying to tell him... 110 00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:44,373 Now? 111 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,752 Hi, Pat. 112 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,277 Go Muskies! 113 00:06:56,092 --> 00:07:01,393 Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm signing up... 114 00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:04,125 'cause my two favorite people in the whole world... 115 00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:06,191 competed in pageants... 116 00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:09,033 my mom and Diane Sawyer. 117 00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:10,538 Course, I hope I end up... 118 00:07:10,605 --> 00:07:13,006 a little more like Diane Sawyer than my mom. 119 00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:26,220 Do you do any of the embalming? 120 00:07:26,254 --> 00:07:28,780 Oh, my God, no. Oh, God. 121 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,758 I just do the hair and makeup on the deceased. 122 00:07:32,961 --> 00:07:34,428 I'm lucky I have an afterschool job... 123 00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:35,930 where I can practice my talent. 124 00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:43,859 Oh, yeah, sure. Every pageant is special... 125 00:07:43,939 --> 00:07:49,274 but this one is extra-super-special to me. 126 00:07:49,311 --> 00:07:52,678 When I was seventeen... I don't know if you know this... 127 00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:58,984 I was crowned Mount Rose's American Teen Princess... 128 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,181 and this year... 129 00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:03,952 drumroll, please... 130 00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:09,056 my lovely daughter Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing. 131 00:08:10,665 --> 00:08:11,927 Is this my mark? 132 00:08:13,835 --> 00:08:17,862 Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman, and I believe this pageant... 133 00:08:17,939 --> 00:08:19,805 is an important experience for every young woman. 134 00:08:19,841 --> 00:08:21,968 It... 135 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:25,012 Well, it teaches you what's really important in life... 136 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:28,015 and it has the power to change you... 137 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,040 in ways you've never dreamed of. 138 00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:43,027 My mom gave me this nine-mill for my thirteenth birthday. 139 00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:45,761 Yeah. I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. 140 00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:47,826 "Jesus loves winners. " 141 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:51,328 That's why no matter what I do, I aim to win. 142 00:08:56,478 --> 00:09:00,641 Why? Well, it's kinda like asking... 143 00:09:00,682 --> 00:09:04,448 why all the guys chew Copenhagen, you know? 144 00:09:04,486 --> 00:09:06,044 If you're seventeen... 145 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:09,818 and you're not a total fry, it's just what you do. 146 00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:13,886 Have you decided what your talent is going to be yet? 147 00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:17,228 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna sing and dance... 148 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,460 to "New York, New York. " 149 00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:22,264 I just fell in love with the Big Apple last summer... 150 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,703 when I was visiting my brother Peter there. 151 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,741 He followed his dream all the way to New York. 152 00:09:27,809 --> 00:09:31,074 Wait. 153 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:35,014 Here's Peter as... Liza! 154 00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:37,075 Here's him as Madonna. 155 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,780 As Barbara. 156 00:09:48,897 --> 00:09:52,425 I don't know what my talent's gonna be yet. 157 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:57,036 Kenny! Kenny, come. Come, Kenny. 158 00:09:57,105 --> 00:10:00,200 Oh, Kenny! Oh, this is Kenny. 159 00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:01,903 Spike, my German shepherd... 160 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,537 he went to live with a nice family on a farm... 161 00:10:04,613 --> 00:10:06,376 after he attacked me... 162 00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:08,848 but it wasn't his fault, was it, Kenny? No. 163 00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:11,717 I had beef jerky in my front pocket. 164 00:10:16,258 --> 00:10:19,455 They remade my belly with skin from my butt. 165 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:24,831 I was Mount Rose American Teen Princess in 1945. 166 00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:29,270 We were at war with the Japs. 167 00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:31,499 Didn't even get to keep my damn tiara. 168 00:10:31,572 --> 00:10:35,134 I had to turn it in for scrap. 169 00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:46,677 So we adopt Molly three year ago when we come to America... 170 00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:50,249 to help acclimate us to American. 171 00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:52,521 To America, Dad. 172 00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:57,462 She all-American girl. 173 00:10:57,499 --> 00:11:00,194 She our Teen American Princess. 174 00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:01,462 Oh, Ma. 175 00:11:08,677 --> 00:11:10,144 English! 176 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,680 Speak English, you stupid little retard! 177 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:17,584 So, Molly, tell movie man what you talent do. 178 00:11:17,618 --> 00:11:19,552 I'll be line dancing. 179 00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:21,954 Country western! 180 00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:23,959 Clint Black, ruff! 181 00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:27,553 Hey, what he got that I not got? 182 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,166 So have you decided what your talent is going to be... 183 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,565 for the pageant yet? 184 00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:37,697 Yeah. I'll be doing a dramatic monologue... 185 00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:41,765 and right now I'm thinking "Othello... " 186 00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:43,641 or "Soylent Green... " 187 00:11:43,678 --> 00:11:46,943 Well, my own version of it. 188 00:11:46,982 --> 00:11:49,609 You know, a lot of girls make a smooth transition... 189 00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,015 from pageants into acting. 190 00:11:51,053 --> 00:11:52,645 Competing for the title... 191 00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:57,124 of Minnesota's American Teen Princess sure was exciting... 192 00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:59,126 but I never could have won... 193 00:11:59,161 --> 00:12:02,152 without my Saint Paul pork products. 194 00:12:02,197 --> 00:12:06,428 I've been enjoying Saint Paul pork products for years. 195 00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,301 I grew up right next to these stockyards. 196 00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:12,102 It's still the same family-run business... 197 00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:16,304 that Walter and Vera Pularski started in 1920... 198 00:12:16,378 --> 00:12:19,814 when they raised and slaughtered their first pig. 199 00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:27,548 I just love Saint Paul pork products. 200 00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:30,581 In fact, I love 'em so much... 201 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,958 I work here now! 202 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,462 Oh, help yourself. 203 00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:42,599 Thanks. 204 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,162 You're welcome. 205 00:12:44,238 --> 00:12:46,230 My talent will be... 206 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,673 an interpretive... 207 00:12:50,579 --> 00:12:52,342 dance... 208 00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:54,940 while I sign... 209 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,884 "Through the Eyes of Love. " 210 00:12:57,919 --> 00:13:01,184 Yeah. Well, see... 211 00:13:01,223 --> 00:13:03,315 I have a dream... 212 00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:06,588 of spreading sign language... 213 00:13:06,627 --> 00:13:09,188 around the world. 214 00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:15,862 Mom, will you be so kind? 215 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,204 Tammy Curry... 216 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,145 and I'm signing up for the pageant... 217 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,342 'cause of the scholarships and all. 218 00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:31,352 This one's for varsity soccer. 219 00:13:31,385 --> 00:13:32,784 I'm captain. 220 00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:36,347 I run track, and right here I'm the new president... 221 00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:37,880 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 222 00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,325 Love that one. 223 00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:47,300 Would you say... 224 00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:49,395 you have a good chance to win this pageant? 225 00:13:49,438 --> 00:13:51,405 Yeah. You bet I do. 226 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,035 I mean, maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant... 227 00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:57,374 but other people didn't think I could beat out... 228 00:13:57,411 --> 00:14:01,872 Becky Leeman for president of the gun club, either, and I did. 229 00:14:01,917 --> 00:14:04,316 It's just like Anthony Robbins says... 230 00:14:04,352 --> 00:14:05,581 "I'm a winner. 231 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:08,385 "Nobody can stop me but me. " 232 00:14:19,101 --> 00:14:22,558 Well, you know, I think everybody's doing really well... 233 00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:24,970 considering the fact she was so young. 234 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,734 It's always hard to see the young ones called home. 235 00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:29,800 Especially on an exploding thresher. 236 00:14:29,877 --> 00:14:33,336 It's just so odd and gross. 237 00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:34,882 You know, sometimes... 238 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,148 it's hard to understand God's great plan. 239 00:14:39,955 --> 00:14:41,922 But the show must go on. 240 00:14:41,957 --> 00:14:43,788 I gotta get ahold of Ted... 241 00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,849 and ask him if we can use that barn light as a spot again... 242 00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:48,055 so you watch the Jell-O salad, OK? 243 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,290 You girls gonna sign up for the pageant this year? 244 00:14:50,332 --> 00:14:52,322 I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant. 245 00:14:52,366 --> 00:14:54,335 Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl. 246 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:55,392 Tammy Curry? 247 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,666 Yeah. Everyone says this is a big accident? 248 00:14:57,738 --> 00:14:59,707 She got iced because she wins everything... 249 00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:01,765 and this time someone didn't want her to win. 250 00:15:01,842 --> 00:15:03,367 This pageant's like a Roach Motel. 251 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,412 Girls check in, but they don't check out. 252 00:15:05,479 --> 00:15:08,414 Yeah, and they say smoking's bad for your health. 253 00:15:12,753 --> 00:15:16,689 And... tendu, close. Tendu, close. 254 00:15:16,725 --> 00:15:19,318 Tendu, close, plié. 255 00:15:19,361 --> 00:15:20,588 And repeat. 256 00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:21,890 Tendu... 257 00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,955 Suck in the bellies, girls! 258 00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:26,057 And tuck in the tushes! 259 00:15:26,101 --> 00:15:27,568 Close those legs. 260 00:15:27,602 --> 00:15:30,470 You look like a bunch of bowlegged cows. 261 00:15:30,539 --> 00:15:33,030 Other side! 262 00:15:33,108 --> 00:15:36,544 And tendu, close. Tendu, close. 263 00:15:36,611 --> 00:15:37,943 Tendu, close, plié. 264 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,777 Yeah, you boys sure picked a good year. 265 00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:42,783 If I was a betting woman... 266 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,250 and there was a line on this in Vegas... 267 00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:47,016 I'd lay down ten to one that it all comes down... 268 00:15:47,054 --> 00:15:49,284 to Amber Atkins and Becky Leeman. 269 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,154 Oh, sweet Jesus. 270 00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:52,683 What a showdown this should be. 271 00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,662 If Cain and Abel... 272 00:15:54,695 --> 00:15:56,857 Oh, God! 273 00:15:56,897 --> 00:15:58,626 That's so embarrassing. 274 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:09,603 My winning the Mount Rose... 275 00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:15,912 American Teen Princess Pageant really changed my life. 276 00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:20,182 Amber does my hair once a week. 277 00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:22,485 Well, it's the least I can do... 278 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:27,427 for the reigning Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 279 00:16:27,461 --> 00:16:29,759 - Oh, God. - What? 280 00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:32,699 Oh, just a little snarl. 281 00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,394 Don't tell. 282 00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,795 What? Oh, my God. 283 00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:42,741 Lights, camera, and me without a stitch of makeup on. 284 00:16:42,778 --> 00:16:44,803 What are you guys doing here? 285 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,574 What are you doing here? 286 00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:51,847 Oh, Amber, like you're the only one who visits Mary? 287 00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,116 Who are you? 288 00:16:54,156 --> 00:16:58,525 "Who are you?" Oh, Mary, you kill me. 289 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,424 She always says that. 290 00:17:00,462 --> 00:17:03,090 It's a little game we play every week. 291 00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:05,224 Same dippy little look on her face. 292 00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,666 "Who are you? Who are you?" 293 00:17:07,702 --> 00:17:09,170 Just like that. 294 00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:11,797 It's me... Becky. 295 00:17:11,872 --> 00:17:15,502 And I brought your favorites. 296 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,375 Real nice, Becky. She's anorexic. 297 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:22,371 She's skinny, Amber, not deaf. 298 00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:48,507 So, beyond this pageant you must have certain dreams... 299 00:17:48,542 --> 00:17:50,511 and certain things you aspire to, yeah? 300 00:17:51,545 --> 00:17:53,878 Yeah, I got dreams. 301 00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,846 Sometimes I dream of winning. 302 00:17:57,885 --> 00:17:59,513 I dream of getting out of Mount Rose... 303 00:17:59,553 --> 00:18:03,216 and being a big-time reporter like Diane Sawyer. 304 00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:06,124 I mean, guys get out of Mount Rose all the time... 305 00:18:06,161 --> 00:18:08,891 for hockey scholarships... 306 00:18:08,929 --> 00:18:10,329 or prison. 307 00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:13,731 Yeah, 1963. 308 00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:15,395 Her beauty worked against her... 309 00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:18,735 when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. 310 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,398 Those were different times. 311 00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,635 That's my mom. 312 00:18:23,712 --> 00:18:25,474 Hey, Amber, did you get my smokes? 313 00:18:25,514 --> 00:18:27,947 Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec. 314 00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:30,110 Aw, shit. 315 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,517 They're from Los Angeles. 316 00:18:31,552 --> 00:18:33,817 They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie. 317 00:18:33,854 --> 00:18:36,948 Yeah, well, if they ask you to take your top off... 318 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:38,982 get the money first. 319 00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:40,995 And go get my smokes! 320 00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:02,105 Hey, hey, you like it? 321 00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:03,616 - Open it. - This? 322 00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:05,119 Yeah, the globe. 323 00:19:05,152 --> 00:19:06,881 Go on, pull on the North Pole there. 324 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,116 Here, watch. 325 00:19:08,155 --> 00:19:09,214 Honey, this isn't a showroom. 326 00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:11,520 See, this holds three full-size booze bottles. 327 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,858 Tape cassette comes out of Afghanistan. 328 00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:17,865 All right, all right. 329 00:19:17,898 --> 00:19:20,697 How quickly they forget where this all comes from. 330 00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,202 Taiwan. 331 00:19:22,236 --> 00:19:24,865 That's enough, young lady. 332 00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:26,907 I beg your pardon. Would you like a drink? 333 00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,773 Lmpartial? 334 00:19:28,809 --> 00:19:31,438 When I'm outside these walls, I am Gladys Leeman... 335 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,846 president Civil Servettes, impartial as the day is long. 336 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,907 But I'm in my house now, and I gotta warn you... 337 00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:38,180 I'm wearing my wife apron and my mom hat... 338 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,119 so I can safely say that I am the mother... 339 00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:43,146 of the most talented contestant Mount Rose has ever had. 340 00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:45,159 Oh, gosh, she's been singing and dancing... 341 00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:46,955 since she was knee-high to a pig's eye. 342 00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:49,156 Yeah, she's damn near as good as... 343 00:19:49,196 --> 00:19:51,165 you know, that little... that black fellow... 344 00:19:51,198 --> 00:19:52,756 the one with the glass eye... 345 00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:53,926 the Candy Man... 346 00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:56,437 - Sammy Davis, Jr. - Yeah, the Jew. 347 00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:58,199 Nice one, Dad. He's dead. 348 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,015 Yeah. Then we have the Judges Interview. 349 00:20:12,052 --> 00:20:15,021 Where each girl has a little ten-minute get-together... 350 00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:17,489 with the judges prior to the pageant. 351 00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:18,993 Then we have the... 352 00:20:23,697 --> 00:20:24,959 Hello, Tony. 353 00:20:28,235 --> 00:20:29,361 Hey to the folks. 354 00:20:29,403 --> 00:20:30,735 Yeah, all right. 355 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,499 Gladys, the Judges Interview. 356 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:43,246 So you've judged a lot of pageants over the years? 357 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,651 No. No. No way. No. 358 00:20:45,686 --> 00:20:47,655 Never judged a pageant before in my life. 359 00:20:49,658 --> 00:20:51,181 No way. 360 00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:53,217 Never been around young girls. 361 00:20:57,598 --> 00:21:00,329 I mean, even if I was... 362 00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:02,495 I mean, why would I want to be, you know? 363 00:21:02,536 --> 00:21:04,265 I don't get off on that kind of thing. 364 00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:06,034 That's really why you're asking, right? 365 00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:10,877 Someone say something? 366 00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:20,949 Do you judge the pageant every year? 367 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,321 No. I've never judged nothin' before. 368 00:21:23,357 --> 00:21:26,190 Harold, are we on "Cops"? 369 00:21:26,227 --> 00:21:27,386 Are we on "Cops," Harold? 370 00:21:27,429 --> 00:21:28,759 Shut up, Hank. This here's business. 371 00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:33,692 Harold, Mom said not in the head! 372 00:21:33,734 --> 00:21:36,260 Well, Mom's dead, so shut your flytrap. 373 00:21:36,303 --> 00:21:38,829 I will if you shut your piehole. 374 00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:50,184 Don't make me... 375 00:21:50,217 --> 00:21:51,411 Don't make me kick you where the good Lord... 376 00:21:51,453 --> 00:21:53,478 Don't make me split you where you... 377 00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,215 Come on! You want some of this! 378 00:21:57,459 --> 00:21:58,686 So, are you excited? 379 00:21:58,727 --> 00:22:00,160 Oh, you bet. 380 00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:02,685 We're happier than the day Hankie got acquitted. 381 00:22:02,731 --> 00:22:05,528 I get made a judge, then the furniture store hires us... 382 00:22:05,566 --> 00:22:07,660 to paint the whole damn thing. 383 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,669 We're going to use the money... 384 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,694 to get our mom a proper headstone... 385 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:15,072 and to move her out to the cemetery. 386 00:22:19,114 --> 00:22:21,309 Listen, guys, if you see anything you like... 387 00:22:21,348 --> 00:22:24,340 you just let me know because I happen to know the owner. 388 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,546 So, here we are. 389 00:22:26,587 --> 00:22:28,885 My place of business, my little house of worship... 390 00:22:28,923 --> 00:22:31,687 the world's largest Conestoga wagon. 391 00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,556 Right here, we have a very attractive unit. 392 00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,426 Farmers like that one. 393 00:22:36,464 --> 00:22:39,160 OK, showtime. 394 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,100 Hey, Tim, Carla, listen... 395 00:22:42,137 --> 00:22:44,628 you two don't Jew me down too much on that dinette... 396 00:22:44,705 --> 00:22:47,071 I'll throw in a hutch for free, OK? 397 00:22:47,108 --> 00:22:49,098 See, that's my specialty. 398 00:22:49,176 --> 00:22:52,907 You don't pay less, I give you more. 399 00:22:52,947 --> 00:22:56,713 The secret is... the hutch is included in the price. 400 00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,413 Ain't that right, Jean? 401 00:22:59,453 --> 00:23:01,751 Take a memo, sweetheart. 402 00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:17,334 Five, six, seven... and one... 403 00:23:17,371 --> 00:23:19,566 Get that tempo right. Kick it! 404 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,766 Come on, kick it! 405 00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:30,846 Just watching the young girls. 406 00:23:30,885 --> 00:23:33,183 Contestants. You know... 407 00:23:33,220 --> 00:23:35,711 like the rest of my friends and neighbors. 408 00:23:40,661 --> 00:23:42,128 Are you getting her? 409 00:23:42,163 --> 00:23:43,686 The third one, the blond one. 410 00:23:43,732 --> 00:23:45,461 Leave him alone. It's OK. 411 00:23:51,539 --> 00:23:55,600 It's just a camera I keep in the glove compartment... 412 00:23:55,676 --> 00:23:59,841 for... car accidents. Insurance. 413 00:24:02,783 --> 00:24:04,752 I mean, you guys got a camera... 414 00:24:04,785 --> 00:24:06,879 and no one's accusing you of anything, right? 415 00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:27,807 So, Brett, you want to go to the lake with me on Thursday? 416 00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:31,470 Actually, I got practice on Thursday. 417 00:24:31,545 --> 00:24:33,035 Well, maybe Friday then. 418 00:24:33,114 --> 00:24:35,547 A bunch of us were going cow tipping. 419 00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:38,245 Well... 420 00:24:38,285 --> 00:24:40,253 I'm kind of busy on Friday. 421 00:24:53,634 --> 00:24:55,033 Give her your tray, Brett. 422 00:24:55,069 --> 00:24:57,333 You're holding up the line. 423 00:24:59,174 --> 00:25:00,834 Give it to her. 424 00:25:00,908 --> 00:25:02,809 Here, I'll take it. It's my job. 425 00:25:02,843 --> 00:25:05,074 No. It's all right. Don't worry about it. 426 00:25:05,112 --> 00:25:07,876 Well, you're supposed to put it in the... 427 00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:14,614 Aw, man. 428 00:25:14,655 --> 00:25:17,852 You got some lutefisk in your hair. 429 00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,655 Then it must be Wednesday. 430 00:25:21,595 --> 00:25:25,964 Lutefisk is codfish that's been salted... 431 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,695 and soaked in lye for a week or so. 432 00:25:31,206 --> 00:25:33,572 It's best with lots of butter. 433 00:25:33,607 --> 00:25:37,476 I'm not really busy on Friday. 434 00:25:37,511 --> 00:25:39,979 I was just saying that, you know? 435 00:25:40,047 --> 00:25:41,173 I know. 436 00:25:41,215 --> 00:25:42,774 Well... 437 00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:45,341 if you wanted to do something... 438 00:25:45,386 --> 00:25:48,514 Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet. 439 00:25:48,556 --> 00:25:50,023 Oh, crap. 440 00:25:50,057 --> 00:25:52,049 I probably gotta work at the funeral home. 441 00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,083 We're real busy this time of year. 442 00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:56,562 Hunting season. 443 00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:59,328 Well, I'm cutting out of here early today... 444 00:25:59,366 --> 00:26:01,062 and doing a little duck hunting... 445 00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:02,898 but maybe I could call you tonight? 446 00:26:02,937 --> 00:26:04,096 Yeah, sure. 447 00:26:05,372 --> 00:26:06,533 - All right. - Fine. 448 00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:23,380 Oh, God. 449 00:26:23,424 --> 00:26:26,154 You don't think Becky saw you guys, do you? 450 00:26:26,193 --> 00:26:28,024 Look, you shouldn't be in here. 451 00:26:28,062 --> 00:26:29,427 Doreen gave us hair nets. 452 00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,193 No, listen. We shouldn't talk here. 453 00:26:32,233 --> 00:26:35,326 Stop by my house tonight, OK? 454 00:26:36,871 --> 00:26:38,030 Go. 455 00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:54,178 They take out her butt? 456 00:26:54,221 --> 00:26:56,781 Oh, Jesus H. Christ. 457 00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:58,451 Oh, are we on "Cops" again? 458 00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:00,255 OK, be quiet. 459 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:03,627 It's just the guys that are, you know... 460 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:05,565 making the movie about the pageant. 461 00:27:05,599 --> 00:27:07,659 I told you all about 'em. This here's Loretta. 462 00:27:07,701 --> 00:27:10,261 I tell Annette, you talk to me during my stories... 463 00:27:10,304 --> 00:27:12,363 you might as well be talking to the wall. 464 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:13,872 You guys want a beer? 465 00:27:13,908 --> 00:27:15,966 No, thank you. Is Amber here? 466 00:27:16,043 --> 00:27:17,408 Oh, no. You just missed her. 467 00:27:17,445 --> 00:27:19,845 She got called down to the bone gardens. 468 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,711 She's in a hell of a mood today. 469 00:27:21,749 --> 00:27:23,545 Say, you boys been to the Leemans'? 470 00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:24,811 Shut it, Loretta. 471 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,286 If so, you got all the pictures of the winner you need. 472 00:27:27,321 --> 00:27:28,447 - Shut it. - It's true. 473 00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:35,792 Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber. 474 00:27:35,830 --> 00:27:39,265 Why don't you just paint a target on your ass? 475 00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:41,164 Best damn tapper, the most smartest. 476 00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:42,328 Most smartest? 477 00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:44,838 Oh, that's great. You're real educated. 478 00:27:44,905 --> 00:27:47,203 "Most smartest. " Get a picture of that. 479 00:27:47,274 --> 00:27:48,674 Most smartest. 480 00:27:48,709 --> 00:27:50,041 I'm cutting you off and sending you home. 481 00:27:50,077 --> 00:27:53,274 Excuse me, but I'm bragging up your kid here. 482 00:27:53,314 --> 00:27:54,644 I know. Come on, let's go. 483 00:27:54,682 --> 00:27:56,478 Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, you know. 484 00:27:56,517 --> 00:27:57,882 They're making a movie here. 485 00:27:57,918 --> 00:27:59,818 All right, they're making a movie. 486 00:27:59,854 --> 00:28:02,084 What makes you think that Becky's going to win? 487 00:28:02,123 --> 00:28:03,316 Why do I think Becky'll win? 488 00:28:03,357 --> 00:28:04,949 You're talking... Don't pinch. 489 00:28:04,992 --> 00:28:07,392 You're talking about the richest family in a small town. 490 00:28:07,428 --> 00:28:10,055 It's front-page news when one of 'em takes a shit. 491 00:28:10,097 --> 00:28:11,291 Oh, great. 492 00:28:13,234 --> 00:28:14,895 Can one of you boys give me a ride home? 493 00:28:14,935 --> 00:28:16,164 Don't fall for it. 494 00:28:16,203 --> 00:28:17,670 She lives two trailers down. 495 00:28:17,738 --> 00:28:18,932 So? Be real easy. 496 00:28:19,006 --> 00:28:20,440 Go on home, Loretta. 497 00:28:20,474 --> 00:28:22,636 Go on. The party's over. 498 00:28:32,553 --> 00:28:33,918 Oh, my God! 499 00:28:33,954 --> 00:28:36,890 Jesus Christ on a cross! 500 00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:39,790 Look, number one rule in a funeral home... 501 00:28:39,827 --> 00:28:42,056 Never sneak up on the living. 502 00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:43,722 You never know who could have an embalming needle... 503 00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:45,664 or a skull saw in their hand. 504 00:28:45,699 --> 00:28:48,065 Mr. Larson's son learned the hard way. 505 00:28:48,102 --> 00:28:50,229 He's buried next to my grandpa. 506 00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:58,168 Are you upset about Brett? 507 00:28:58,245 --> 00:29:00,111 Upset about Brett? 508 00:29:00,147 --> 00:29:03,446 Nah. Hazard of the trade. 509 00:29:04,552 --> 00:29:08,386 I don't really have time for guys anyways. 510 00:29:08,422 --> 00:29:09,685 It's weird, though. 511 00:29:09,723 --> 00:29:12,557 He took it right between the eyes. 512 00:29:13,861 --> 00:29:15,419 Don't often see that. 513 00:29:17,498 --> 00:29:20,261 So, you know, Brett just got shot in the head. 514 00:29:20,301 --> 00:29:21,528 He did? 515 00:29:21,569 --> 00:29:23,468 Well, hunting's dangerous. 516 00:29:24,638 --> 00:29:27,198 So, anyways, my mom gave me this thirty-aught... 517 00:29:27,274 --> 00:29:28,764 for my sixteenth birthday. 518 00:29:33,380 --> 00:29:35,473 I need Stella now. 519 00:29:35,516 --> 00:29:37,506 The family's steaming like a cow pie in July. 520 00:29:37,551 --> 00:29:40,019 Said she doesn't look nothin' like the picture they gave you. 521 00:29:40,054 --> 00:29:42,112 Sorry. I just thought she might not want to meet her maker... 522 00:29:42,156 --> 00:29:43,747 looking like a cheap whore. 523 00:29:43,791 --> 00:29:46,725 Well, this cheap whore is that family's loving mother. 524 00:29:46,761 --> 00:29:49,286 The Clemens said to make him look... 525 00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:51,093 like he just came in from snowmobiling. 526 00:29:51,132 --> 00:29:52,564 Pink cheeks and... 527 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,966 Red nose and ears. I know, I know. 528 00:30:10,151 --> 00:30:14,349 Sorry I couldn't talk to you before in the cafeteria. 529 00:30:14,387 --> 00:30:16,150 I was scared, OK? 530 00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:19,784 I open my locker today after first period... 531 00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:24,287 and there's a picture of Tammy Curry taped inside. 532 00:30:24,331 --> 00:30:26,391 This was written on the back: 533 00:30:28,502 --> 00:30:31,495 Oh, yeah, hell of a way to go, there. 534 00:30:31,572 --> 00:30:34,267 After some thorough investigating... 535 00:30:34,341 --> 00:30:37,777 we determined that the Curry girl... 536 00:30:37,845 --> 00:30:40,507 must have been smoking and driving. 537 00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,345 Well, yeah, Tammy liked to drive her dad's thresher... 538 00:30:43,384 --> 00:30:45,477 but, I mean... 539 00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:47,714 She said the heavy vibration helped her think. 540 00:30:47,755 --> 00:30:51,281 But I know for a fact Tammy only smoked after a good drive. 541 00:30:51,324 --> 00:30:54,954 You ask me or anyone else who isn't scared to talk about it... 542 00:30:54,995 --> 00:30:56,963 Tammy was murdered. 543 00:30:58,899 --> 00:31:01,835 I bet Diane Sawyer never had to deal with crap like this. 544 00:31:02,870 --> 00:31:05,030 If it's another stray bullet to the head... 545 00:31:05,106 --> 00:31:06,403 I'm gonna need more caps. 546 00:31:06,474 --> 00:31:07,702 You have to go home. 547 00:31:07,775 --> 00:31:09,800 There's some kind of emergency at the trailer park. 548 00:31:09,877 --> 00:31:11,036 Relax. That's my ma's code... 549 00:31:11,112 --> 00:31:12,579 for bring home milk and a carton of Lucky... 550 00:31:12,646 --> 00:31:15,843 No. Loretta called. There's been a fire. 551 00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,777 Oh, my God. 552 00:31:42,309 --> 00:31:44,573 Hey, hey, hey! Family? 553 00:31:44,612 --> 00:31:47,580 No, she's just screaming "Mom" because she's got Turret's. 554 00:31:47,647 --> 00:31:48,979 She's Annette's kid, dipshit. 555 00:31:49,015 --> 00:31:51,917 She's alive, sweetie. She's right over there. 556 00:31:57,358 --> 00:31:59,416 I'll be right behind you in the hearse, OK? 557 00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:01,553 Don't let that worry you, Annette! 558 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:17,577 So, Doctor, is this sort of an unusual injury? 559 00:32:17,611 --> 00:32:19,977 This was a doozie. 560 00:32:20,014 --> 00:32:23,414 Right now our chief concern is to stabilize Annette here... 561 00:32:23,451 --> 00:32:26,113 and then in surgery... 562 00:32:26,152 --> 00:32:27,619 remove this. 563 00:32:27,655 --> 00:32:30,179 Oh, God. 564 00:32:30,224 --> 00:32:31,884 Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. 565 00:32:31,926 --> 00:32:34,826 Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-Ons. 566 00:32:34,862 --> 00:32:38,991 Well, I sat down to have a beer, and kablooey. 567 00:32:39,033 --> 00:32:40,500 Next thing I know... 568 00:32:40,533 --> 00:32:42,968 something blows through my kitchen window... 569 00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,803 and I'm ass-up in somebody's flower bed. 570 00:32:46,874 --> 00:32:49,933 Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking around with the camera. 571 00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:51,308 Just put another book under it. 572 00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:52,539 Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. " 573 00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:56,015 Mom's got the window open. We gotta hurry up, though... 574 00:32:56,082 --> 00:32:58,209 because we only got three frickin' minutes on the battery. 575 00:32:58,251 --> 00:32:59,514 All right, ready. 576 00:32:59,552 --> 00:33:00,713 One, two... 577 00:33:00,755 --> 00:33:01,881 One, two, three! 578 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:07,285 Shit! 579 00:33:07,328 --> 00:33:08,625 Let's get out of here! 580 00:33:12,999 --> 00:33:15,229 I shoved your tap shoes in my panties... 581 00:33:15,268 --> 00:33:17,430 before I was blown out of the house. 582 00:33:17,470 --> 00:33:19,803 You go find the guy who cut 'em off. 583 00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:20,965 He'll give 'em to you... 584 00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:24,443 so you can practice for the pageant. 585 00:33:27,181 --> 00:33:28,477 About that... 586 00:33:31,552 --> 00:33:33,645 I... Oh, my God! 587 00:33:36,122 --> 00:33:39,388 Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 588 00:33:39,427 --> 00:33:41,690 She's pregnant! 589 00:33:41,729 --> 00:33:43,593 Oh, Amber, wait! 590 00:33:43,631 --> 00:33:46,122 Come back here. Mommy wants to talk to you. 591 00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:47,861 And then kill you! 592 00:33:47,902 --> 00:33:50,029 Why don't you see if there's any more beer... 593 00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,970 left in that can and relax a bit? 594 00:33:53,973 --> 00:33:56,703 - I'm quitting the pageant. - You're what? 595 00:33:56,776 --> 00:33:58,368 I'm quitting the pageant. 596 00:33:58,446 --> 00:34:02,280 I was just trying to scare you into changing your mind. 597 00:34:02,315 --> 00:34:04,216 Christ, the woman clung to your tap shoes... 598 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,741 while flying through the air like a goddamn lawn dart. 599 00:34:06,786 --> 00:34:08,014 I know, I know. 600 00:34:08,054 --> 00:34:11,182 Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants and her friend Serious Sally. 601 00:34:11,225 --> 00:34:12,885 How about some nice cool mints... 602 00:34:12,927 --> 00:34:15,451 to turn those frowns upside down? 603 00:34:16,864 --> 00:34:18,832 Do you think a nice cool mint would help... 604 00:34:18,866 --> 00:34:21,459 if I shoved your head up your ass? 605 00:34:24,537 --> 00:34:25,902 So what do I say? 606 00:34:25,972 --> 00:34:27,873 Simple, just say... 607 00:34:31,378 --> 00:34:33,346 I know you sacrificed everything... 608 00:34:33,380 --> 00:34:35,508 relationships, dreams... 609 00:34:35,548 --> 00:34:37,015 your tummy, ass, and thighs... 610 00:34:37,051 --> 00:34:38,518 all to bring me into this world... 611 00:34:38,551 --> 00:34:41,452 all so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant... 612 00:34:41,489 --> 00:34:44,013 the same one you were in, but you know what? 613 00:34:44,058 --> 00:34:45,252 I'm quitting. 614 00:34:45,291 --> 00:34:47,817 There. Easy as pie. 615 00:34:47,862 --> 00:34:49,921 Oh, my God. I am so dead. 616 00:34:49,964 --> 00:34:50,988 Yeah, you betcha. 617 00:34:51,998 --> 00:34:53,330 Go on, get out! 618 00:34:53,366 --> 00:34:56,597 Next one in here without a pack of Luckys in her hand dies! 619 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,833 Yeah, sure. You have a super day, too. 620 00:34:59,907 --> 00:35:01,498 Get out! 621 00:35:02,642 --> 00:35:05,042 Mom, look. Don't talk. 622 00:35:05,079 --> 00:35:08,707 First of all, I'm not pregnant, OK? 623 00:35:08,748 --> 00:35:11,945 I am not letting go until you tell me what's up. 624 00:35:11,986 --> 00:35:15,785 Amber, I am reaching a point where I would kill someone... 625 00:35:15,823 --> 00:35:17,414 for the nicotine under their fingernails. 626 00:35:17,458 --> 00:35:18,617 You hear me, Loretta? 627 00:35:18,658 --> 00:35:20,956 OK, OK... 628 00:35:20,995 --> 00:35:23,792 yesterday I got this picture... 629 00:35:23,831 --> 00:35:27,267 so I'm thinking about... 630 00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:28,767 you know... 631 00:35:28,803 --> 00:35:30,566 I'm gonna quit the pageant. 632 00:35:30,603 --> 00:35:32,070 What? 633 00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:33,834 Oh, excuse us, guys. 634 00:35:33,908 --> 00:35:36,774 Would you excuse us for a moment? 635 00:35:36,811 --> 00:35:39,041 Loretta, get out of here! Go on, get out. 636 00:35:39,078 --> 00:35:40,239 What's your problem? 637 00:35:40,281 --> 00:35:43,272 What's my problem? Sit your skinny little ass down. 638 00:35:43,316 --> 00:35:44,806 Nice, Ma. Real nice. 639 00:35:44,852 --> 00:35:46,285 Nice mouth you got there... 640 00:35:46,319 --> 00:35:48,253 but I'm not going through this again. 641 00:35:48,289 --> 00:35:50,518 You? You're not going through it again? 642 00:35:50,558 --> 00:35:53,526 You're not the one that knows how Jiffy Pop feels, missy. 643 00:35:53,561 --> 00:35:55,153 Oh, come on, Mom. 644 00:35:55,196 --> 00:35:57,687 First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemmens, and now this? 645 00:35:57,730 --> 00:35:59,198 It's scary. 646 00:35:59,233 --> 00:36:01,359 Scary? Let me tell you scary. 647 00:36:01,402 --> 00:36:03,427 Look here. Look at me. 648 00:36:03,471 --> 00:36:05,665 You want to look like you've been rode hard... 649 00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:07,706 and put away wet when you're my age? 650 00:36:07,775 --> 00:36:08,934 I'm a lifer here. 651 00:36:09,008 --> 00:36:10,373 Best thing I got to look forward to... 652 00:36:10,411 --> 00:36:12,401 is to end up in some decent raisin ranch... 653 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,948 where they change me twice a day. 654 00:36:18,486 --> 00:36:20,043 Honest to God, honey. 655 00:36:20,086 --> 00:36:23,181 If I had it to do over... 656 00:36:23,224 --> 00:36:25,522 I'd start walking out of this town... 657 00:36:25,558 --> 00:36:27,856 the minute I could take my first step. 658 00:36:27,895 --> 00:36:29,828 You know, practically... 659 00:36:29,864 --> 00:36:33,356 the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you. 660 00:36:36,136 --> 00:36:39,537 God, I hope that's you and not your concussion talking. 661 00:36:39,607 --> 00:36:40,801 It's me. 662 00:36:40,875 --> 00:36:45,607 I just don't want this to be the thing that you do over. 663 00:36:45,645 --> 00:36:49,013 Now, this pageant's your ticket out of here... 664 00:36:49,048 --> 00:36:51,710 and I know you can win. 665 00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,913 Come here. 666 00:36:53,953 --> 00:36:56,046 Oh, I love you much. 667 00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:57,580 I love you much. 668 00:36:57,625 --> 00:36:59,456 And you're gonna win. 669 00:36:59,492 --> 00:37:01,290 She's gonna win. 670 00:37:01,327 --> 00:37:02,488 Isn't she gonna win, Loretta? 671 00:37:02,530 --> 00:37:03,758 You bet. 672 00:37:03,797 --> 00:37:04,820 You'll see. 673 00:37:04,864 --> 00:37:06,991 Hell no, she ain't quitting. 674 00:37:07,033 --> 00:37:08,467 No. Mom said if I did... 675 00:37:08,501 --> 00:37:10,435 she'd look up my dad and marry him. 676 00:37:10,471 --> 00:37:13,166 So, has your mom kept your dad's life a secret? 677 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:14,831 No, she never hid the fact... 678 00:37:14,909 --> 00:37:17,469 that my dad picked his career over us. 679 00:37:17,545 --> 00:37:18,977 What did she used to say? 680 00:37:19,013 --> 00:37:20,639 Once a carny, always a carny. 681 00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,205 Mom still cries when she sees a tilt-a-whirl... 682 00:37:23,249 --> 00:37:25,342 or a fat lady in a tube top. 683 00:37:25,386 --> 00:37:27,353 The Atkins fire. 684 00:37:27,388 --> 00:37:30,221 Foul play? Shit, no. 685 00:37:30,256 --> 00:37:32,156 After some extensive investigating... 686 00:37:32,192 --> 00:37:35,320 we determined that it must have been bad wiring. 687 00:37:35,361 --> 00:37:37,158 Bad wiring? 688 00:37:37,197 --> 00:37:39,665 That's the biggest crock of shit I ever heard. 689 00:37:41,035 --> 00:37:43,868 What, they have a sale on dull needles at K-Mart? 690 00:37:43,903 --> 00:37:46,394 I just need one more do-over. 691 00:38:04,425 --> 00:38:08,623 Now, we need to remember the three most important parts... 692 00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:11,562 to give a really good interview... 693 00:38:11,599 --> 00:38:13,327 Listen up, number one. 694 00:38:13,366 --> 00:38:15,231 Number one. 695 00:38:15,268 --> 00:38:17,736 American Teen Princesses... 696 00:38:17,770 --> 00:38:19,761 do not cross their legs like streetwalkers. 697 00:38:19,807 --> 00:38:21,900 Excuse me, "Miss Penthouse '98... " 698 00:38:21,976 --> 00:38:23,568 put your knees together. 699 00:38:23,643 --> 00:38:25,042 I could drive a boat show in there. 700 00:38:25,079 --> 00:38:26,569 Ankles together. 701 00:38:26,646 --> 00:38:29,342 Hands resting lightly on your laps. 702 00:38:29,382 --> 00:38:31,715 Good. Sit up straight. Smile. 703 00:38:31,751 --> 00:38:33,743 All right, number two. 704 00:38:33,786 --> 00:38:36,949 The judges are just as nervous as you are. 705 00:38:44,198 --> 00:38:45,596 So, are you about ready... 706 00:38:45,633 --> 00:38:48,692 to start the judging, start the interview there? 707 00:38:52,071 --> 00:38:54,597 I guess I could answer that. 708 00:38:54,674 --> 00:38:56,108 Yeah, we're ready. 709 00:38:56,142 --> 00:38:59,408 So we should probably get the young girls in here, then. 710 00:38:59,445 --> 00:39:02,437 You know, to start the interviews. 711 00:39:04,018 --> 00:39:07,282 If you could be any tree in the woods... 712 00:39:09,155 --> 00:39:10,986 what kind of tree would you be? 713 00:39:13,227 --> 00:39:14,352 Dogwood. 714 00:39:14,395 --> 00:39:15,725 Bonsai. 715 00:39:15,763 --> 00:39:17,093 Green? 716 00:39:17,131 --> 00:39:19,121 I can be any kind of tree you want. 717 00:39:19,165 --> 00:39:20,861 Just give me a minute to warm up. 718 00:39:26,874 --> 00:39:30,809 One with strong roots in a community like Mount Rose... 719 00:39:30,878 --> 00:39:33,937 a solid Christian trunk... 720 00:39:34,013 --> 00:39:37,780 and long leafy branches to provide shade... 721 00:39:37,817 --> 00:39:40,308 for handicapped kids on a hot summer day. 722 00:39:40,353 --> 00:39:43,517 You guys know the retard's pants are open? 723 00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:47,949 I don't want to see that. 724 00:39:49,362 --> 00:39:51,797 Who would you pick to be the president, dead or alive? 725 00:39:52,832 --> 00:39:54,630 Emperor Hirohito. 726 00:39:54,667 --> 00:39:55,929 Brett Favre. 727 00:40:03,811 --> 00:40:07,645 My mother, 'cause she could solve world hunger... 728 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,673 with one of her blue-ribbon rhubarb pies... 729 00:40:10,718 --> 00:40:13,948 create world peace with one of her prayers... 730 00:40:13,987 --> 00:40:16,511 and still find time to look beautiful... 731 00:40:16,557 --> 00:40:19,218 for my dad, Lester Leeman. 732 00:40:19,259 --> 00:40:20,749 Do you like to swim? 733 00:40:21,829 --> 00:40:23,854 Yeah, I love to swim. 734 00:40:23,897 --> 00:40:25,864 When I was in New York, I met Greg Louganis... 735 00:40:25,899 --> 00:40:27,560 at one of my brother's shows. 736 00:40:41,447 --> 00:40:44,042 The tard's pants are completely off. 737 00:40:48,021 --> 00:40:49,215 Close up shop. 738 00:40:51,724 --> 00:40:54,057 Are you Amber Atkins? 739 00:40:54,093 --> 00:40:56,254 Yes, yes, I am. Hello. 740 00:40:59,399 --> 00:41:01,798 Name and spell all the United States... 741 00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:03,199 in alphabetical order. 742 00:41:05,338 --> 00:41:07,169 Seriously? 743 00:41:14,148 --> 00:41:16,582 Well... 744 00:41:16,616 --> 00:41:19,711 Alabama. 745 00:41:19,752 --> 00:41:22,517 A- I-a-b-a-m-a. 746 00:41:22,555 --> 00:41:23,955 Alaska. 747 00:41:23,990 --> 00:41:27,984 A- I-a-s-k-a. 748 00:41:30,130 --> 00:41:33,292 Arizona. 749 00:41:33,333 --> 00:41:36,632 A- r-i-z-o-n-a. 750 00:41:36,669 --> 00:41:38,330 West Virginia. 751 00:41:38,404 --> 00:41:42,431 W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a. 752 00:41:42,509 --> 00:41:44,840 Wisconsin. 753 00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:48,574 W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n. 754 00:41:48,615 --> 00:41:49,741 Wyoming. 755 00:41:49,782 --> 00:41:52,751 W- y-o-m-i-n-g. 756 00:41:56,756 --> 00:41:59,418 Well, OK. 757 00:42:03,696 --> 00:42:06,494 With two weeks until the pageant... 758 00:42:06,533 --> 00:42:14,030 I was practicing my talent, finishing my costume... 759 00:42:14,107 --> 00:42:17,008 brushing up on current events... 760 00:42:17,043 --> 00:42:23,243 and running eighteen miles a day on about four hundred calories. 761 00:42:23,283 --> 00:42:25,375 I was ready. 762 00:42:37,564 --> 00:42:39,360 Girls, couple of things. 763 00:42:39,399 --> 00:42:40,889 All right, very important. 764 00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:44,426 Gladys wants us to all go in show order today. 765 00:42:44,471 --> 00:42:47,531 All right, so very important, don't forget that. 766 00:42:49,909 --> 00:42:52,504 Oh, yeah, really nervous. 767 00:42:53,546 --> 00:42:55,480 It's been about two months. 768 00:42:56,483 --> 00:42:59,350 I haven't told my boyfriend yet. 769 00:42:59,385 --> 00:43:00,910 How did you know? 770 00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:03,854 I meant nervous about the pageant. 771 00:43:03,891 --> 00:43:07,349 Oh, nervous about the pageant. 772 00:43:08,428 --> 00:43:10,521 There are eight thousand sequins... 773 00:43:10,563 --> 00:43:13,498 and fifteen hundred beads on the skirt alone. 774 00:43:13,533 --> 00:43:16,161 My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it. 775 00:43:16,202 --> 00:43:19,366 She's one of my father's many Mexican workers. 776 00:43:19,439 --> 00:43:22,896 He lifts them from the poverty they know in Mexico. 777 00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:25,911 Yeah, all my mom's clothes melted onto mine. 778 00:43:25,945 --> 00:43:29,712 Forming, like, this big polyester meteor in our closet. 779 00:43:29,749 --> 00:43:32,411 But in some kind of weird miracle... 780 00:43:32,452 --> 00:43:33,919 our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen... 781 00:43:33,953 --> 00:43:36,184 found my tap costume on the roof of their trailer... 782 00:43:36,222 --> 00:43:38,713 while he was setting coon traps for his dad. 783 00:43:38,758 --> 00:43:39,986 Here's the weird part. 784 00:43:40,026 --> 00:43:42,494 It was still on the hanger. 785 00:43:43,530 --> 00:43:45,724 This is my lucky bolt. 786 00:43:45,765 --> 00:43:48,427 They think that it fell from a DC-10. 787 00:43:48,468 --> 00:43:52,062 The doctor said I was really lucky the flat side hit me. 788 00:43:52,138 --> 00:43:54,971 'Cause otherwise it could have gone right through my head. 789 00:43:55,008 --> 00:43:58,238 I know, I know. Gives me the willies, too. 790 00:44:00,013 --> 00:44:03,380 Can we switch numbers? 791 00:44:03,416 --> 00:44:09,947 My cousin just had a deaf baby, and I get to go see it. 792 00:44:09,989 --> 00:44:11,389 I need to go first. 793 00:44:11,424 --> 00:44:14,519 Yeah, sure. It's my lucky number anyway. 794 00:44:14,561 --> 00:44:17,529 Diane Sawyer has number eight at her local. 795 00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:20,658 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 796 00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:27,401 I can see what's mine now 797 00:44:28,541 --> 00:44:33,878 Finding out what's true 798 00:44:34,914 --> 00:44:40,648 Since I found you 799 00:44:40,687 --> 00:44:45,351 Looking through the eyes 800 00:44:45,391 --> 00:44:47,690 Of... 801 00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:49,388 I'm gonna be honest. 802 00:44:49,429 --> 00:44:51,556 This is a hard time for me... 803 00:44:51,598 --> 00:44:54,829 because this is the time in the pageant... 804 00:44:54,868 --> 00:44:57,233 when you realize that tomorrow night... 805 00:44:57,270 --> 00:45:00,364 all but one of these girls is gonna walk away a loser. 806 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:01,737 To be 807 00:45:01,808 --> 00:45:02,739 It's just really hard... 808 00:45:02,809 --> 00:45:05,675 for me to know what that would feel like. 809 00:45:05,712 --> 00:45:07,508 It can't feel good. 810 00:45:09,516 --> 00:45:11,676 Oh, my God, oh, my God. 811 00:45:11,718 --> 00:45:13,208 Don't touch her. 812 00:45:15,355 --> 00:45:17,550 Don't move the body. Don't touch the body. 813 00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:19,080 She could be paralyzed from the neck down... 814 00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:20,353 and you wouldn't know it. 815 00:45:20,393 --> 00:45:21,952 Someone call nine-one-one. 816 00:45:21,995 --> 00:45:24,053 Don't say anything... 817 00:45:24,097 --> 00:45:26,724 'cause it might be a hypnotic suggestion. 818 00:45:27,967 --> 00:45:29,798 Don't you get it? 819 00:45:29,836 --> 00:45:30,961 I was supposed to go first. 820 00:45:31,004 --> 00:45:33,403 I was contestant number one. 821 00:45:33,473 --> 00:45:36,236 That light was meant for my head. 822 00:45:36,308 --> 00:45:39,278 If Jenelle hadn't wanted to go first... 823 00:45:40,312 --> 00:45:42,837 I owe my life to that deaf baby. 824 00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:47,579 Hey, that was your mom. 825 00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:49,612 She wanted you to have this. 826 00:45:52,759 --> 00:45:54,317 Really, Loretta? 827 00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:55,554 You bet. 828 00:45:57,997 --> 00:46:00,090 My mom wanted me to have this? 829 00:46:01,935 --> 00:46:02,993 Oh, shut up. 830 00:46:03,036 --> 00:46:05,026 I thought it might help you get some sleep. 831 00:46:05,071 --> 00:46:07,404 Loretta, never have kids. 832 00:46:09,108 --> 00:46:12,134 Well, God love you for thinking I still could. 833 00:46:12,212 --> 00:46:14,179 Your ma did want you to have this, though... 834 00:46:14,247 --> 00:46:15,680 since your other one got toasted. 835 00:46:15,714 --> 00:46:18,205 It's just like Diane Sawyer's! 836 00:46:19,285 --> 00:46:20,810 Of course, it's not a size ten. 837 00:46:20,854 --> 00:46:22,321 Diane was a little hippy then. 838 00:46:22,354 --> 00:46:23,913 - Not our girl. - Oh, no. 839 00:46:35,535 --> 00:46:36,968 Pain meds. 840 00:46:37,002 --> 00:46:38,833 Hope this thing ends before they do. 841 00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:43,603 We have excitement. 842 00:46:43,676 --> 00:46:45,076 Big excitement. 843 00:46:45,111 --> 00:46:46,305 Go, Molly! 844 00:46:46,346 --> 00:46:48,075 Go. 845 00:46:48,114 --> 00:46:50,480 Leslie Miller kicks Teen Princess ass! 846 00:46:50,517 --> 00:46:52,576 Whoo! Go, Muskies! 847 00:47:09,502 --> 00:47:10,663 Oh, gotta go. 848 00:47:22,515 --> 00:47:25,041 Thank you, thank you. 849 00:47:25,084 --> 00:47:26,552 Oh, my. 850 00:47:26,586 --> 00:47:29,555 Is that for me or my gown? 851 00:47:34,227 --> 00:47:38,094 Welcome to the Mount Rose American Teen Princess Pageant. 852 00:47:38,131 --> 00:47:40,622 While every contestant... 853 00:47:40,667 --> 00:47:43,294 you'll meet here tonight is special and unique... 854 00:47:43,335 --> 00:47:46,328 they all have one thing in common. 855 00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:51,468 They are all proud to be an American. 856 00:48:31,618 --> 00:48:33,676 I chose Mount Rushmore... 857 00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:35,516 because to live in a country... 858 00:48:35,555 --> 00:48:37,352 where you can take an ugly old mountain... 859 00:48:37,389 --> 00:48:40,382 and put faces on it, faces of great Americans... 860 00:48:40,426 --> 00:48:43,418 who did so much to make our country super great... 861 00:48:43,463 --> 00:48:46,431 well, that makes me, Rebecca Leeman... 862 00:48:46,466 --> 00:48:48,491 proud to be an American. 863 00:48:48,535 --> 00:48:53,131 I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud to be an American... 864 00:48:53,206 --> 00:48:55,106 because living in a country where Lady Liberty... 865 00:48:55,140 --> 00:48:58,041 always keeps her flame burning bright... 866 00:48:59,511 --> 00:49:03,538 She always keeps her flame burning bright. 867 00:49:03,583 --> 00:49:05,982 It makes me proud to be an American. 868 00:49:06,019 --> 00:49:07,145 God. 869 00:49:07,187 --> 00:49:09,086 The Washington Monument... 870 00:49:09,122 --> 00:49:11,817 Oh, yeah, baby! 871 00:49:11,858 --> 00:49:12,846 Makes me... 872 00:49:12,891 --> 00:49:16,088 Leslie Miller, proud to be an American. 873 00:49:17,896 --> 00:49:20,866 Living in a country where no matter who you are... 874 00:49:20,899 --> 00:49:23,892 or where you come from, you can grow up... 875 00:49:23,937 --> 00:49:27,667 and become what you've always dreamed of makes me... 876 00:49:27,740 --> 00:49:30,834 Amber Atkins, proud to be an American. 877 00:49:30,909 --> 00:49:34,437 Atomic power makes me, Molly Howard... 878 00:49:34,514 --> 00:49:36,913 proud to be an Asian-American. 879 00:49:36,950 --> 00:49:40,613 My uncle Phil's world's-largest ball of twine... 880 00:49:40,653 --> 00:49:42,588 in Bundy, Minnesota... 881 00:49:42,622 --> 00:49:45,954 it makes me proud I'm American. 882 00:49:45,991 --> 00:49:49,428 I kind of misunderstood the assignment. 883 00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:57,267 A couple of notes from yesterday's dress rehearsal. 884 00:49:57,303 --> 00:49:58,668 Gladys says a couple of youse... 885 00:49:58,705 --> 00:49:59,966 are getting sexy with your hips... 886 00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:02,201 during the physical fitness routine. 887 00:50:02,275 --> 00:50:04,742 Oh, my God, my tap costume's gone. 888 00:50:04,777 --> 00:50:08,179 Amber, we are not putting on our talent costume. 889 00:50:08,213 --> 00:50:10,511 You need to put on your physical fitness outfit. 890 00:50:10,550 --> 00:50:12,540 Let's shake a leg, ladies! 891 00:50:12,584 --> 00:50:15,052 It was here before the opening number. 892 00:50:16,755 --> 00:50:18,314 Wait. 893 00:50:18,358 --> 00:50:20,689 What am I saying? 894 00:50:20,727 --> 00:50:23,560 I should just ask you, Becky. 895 00:50:23,595 --> 00:50:25,324 Where is it? 896 00:50:25,365 --> 00:50:26,559 What? 897 00:50:26,598 --> 00:50:29,089 You heard me. Where is it? 898 00:50:30,436 --> 00:50:33,304 If you're getting at something, you'd better just say it. 899 00:50:33,373 --> 00:50:35,465 I just did. 900 00:50:35,542 --> 00:50:37,338 Well, then you'd better be willing to back it up... 901 00:50:37,377 --> 00:50:38,809 because you're talking crazy. 902 00:50:38,845 --> 00:50:41,575 You bring me on some of that snotty attitude. 903 00:50:41,613 --> 00:50:42,739 Bring it on! 904 00:50:42,781 --> 00:50:44,544 Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner... 905 00:50:44,584 --> 00:50:45,676 come and get it! 906 00:50:45,718 --> 00:50:47,118 I'll get it! 907 00:50:47,152 --> 00:50:48,278 I might even take seconds! 908 00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,084 If you want seconds, I'll make sure you get them! 909 00:50:51,124 --> 00:50:52,522 Give me your stringy ass! 910 00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:57,062 I think that you guys should leave. 911 00:50:57,096 --> 00:50:58,860 The girls are changing. I think you should leave. 912 00:50:58,897 --> 00:51:00,364 All right, let's go. 913 00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,868 - I hate her! - We all do. Let's go. 914 00:51:02,901 --> 00:51:04,893 Let's give a big round of applause... 915 00:51:04,938 --> 00:51:07,429 for last year's American Teen Princess... 916 00:51:07,507 --> 00:51:09,736 in her farewell performance. 917 00:51:09,808 --> 00:51:11,777 Who could ever forget her lip-synching... 918 00:51:11,810 --> 00:51:15,371 to "Don't Cry Out Loud" by Melissa Manchester? 919 00:51:15,415 --> 00:51:17,144 And here she is... 920 00:51:17,182 --> 00:51:18,911 Mary Johanson. 921 00:51:28,093 --> 00:51:33,532 Don't cry out loud 922 00:51:33,565 --> 00:51:36,194 Just keep it inside 923 00:51:36,236 --> 00:51:40,832 And learn how to hide your feelings 924 00:51:40,907 --> 00:51:46,435 Fly high and proud 925 00:51:46,513 --> 00:51:49,606 And if you should fall 926 00:51:49,648 --> 00:51:52,173 Remember you almost 927 00:51:52,217 --> 00:51:57,087 Had it all 928 00:51:59,758 --> 00:52:01,953 All right, why don't we pick up the stepladders... 929 00:52:01,995 --> 00:52:03,121 for the physical fitness number? 930 00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:04,289 There we go. 931 00:52:04,329 --> 00:52:05,729 They're wet. 932 00:52:05,764 --> 00:52:06,890 What? 933 00:52:06,933 --> 00:52:08,422 My hands are stuck. 934 00:52:09,469 --> 00:52:11,130 I'm kind of dizzy from the fumes. 935 00:52:11,171 --> 00:52:12,399 You know what, girls? 936 00:52:12,472 --> 00:52:14,963 Keep them away from you so they don't get on the outfits. 937 00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,133 There we go. 938 00:52:16,209 --> 00:52:18,109 Let's form a line. 939 00:52:20,380 --> 00:52:22,074 What kind of a mental retard... 940 00:52:22,115 --> 00:52:24,015 paints stepladders right before a pageant? 941 00:52:24,049 --> 00:52:25,914 I'm the judge! 942 00:52:27,085 --> 00:52:30,350 Back, you cuddly retard. 943 00:52:30,390 --> 00:52:31,720 Go, Hank! 944 00:52:31,758 --> 00:52:34,226 It's OK. 945 00:52:34,259 --> 00:52:35,385 My dress is fine. 946 00:52:36,528 --> 00:52:39,463 All right, so... 947 00:52:39,499 --> 00:52:41,625 our other judges are... 948 00:52:41,668 --> 00:52:43,226 Jean Kangas... 949 00:52:43,268 --> 00:52:44,668 and John Dough... 950 00:52:44,703 --> 00:52:47,605 Opening number looked good... 951 00:52:47,674 --> 00:52:51,109 solid, but now you're going to have to actually dance. 952 00:52:51,176 --> 00:52:54,613 So, here, put a dab of this on the old choppers, ladies. 953 00:52:54,681 --> 00:52:56,375 It'll help you smile... 954 00:52:56,416 --> 00:52:58,406 and when they're looking at your teeth, God willing... 955 00:52:58,450 --> 00:53:00,316 they won't be looking at your feet. 956 00:54:21,099 --> 00:54:23,124 Hurry up. 957 00:54:23,168 --> 00:54:24,567 OK, I think we all got some. 958 00:54:24,604 --> 00:54:26,231 Just take it off. 959 00:54:26,306 --> 00:54:28,706 Here, I didn't... 960 00:54:28,740 --> 00:54:31,209 I think it went really well. 961 00:54:31,244 --> 00:54:32,871 Don't go in the bathroom. 962 00:54:32,946 --> 00:54:34,845 Tess blew chunks all over. 963 00:54:34,881 --> 00:54:37,576 She ate a really large dinner. 964 00:54:37,617 --> 00:54:39,846 Maybe she should've shoved that lucky bolt... 965 00:54:39,886 --> 00:54:41,376 down her throat for dessert. 966 00:54:42,554 --> 00:54:45,580 And the winner of the spirit award goes to... 967 00:54:45,657 --> 00:54:49,149 I'd like to take you back seventeen years... 968 00:54:49,194 --> 00:54:52,596 when a peanut farmer was in the White House... 969 00:54:52,631 --> 00:54:54,896 a group of boys calling themselves Queen... 970 00:54:54,933 --> 00:54:56,696 topped the record charts... 971 00:54:56,735 --> 00:54:58,727 and Gladys Leeman was Gladys Wood... 972 00:54:59,872 --> 00:55:03,467 and she was Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 973 00:55:10,649 --> 00:55:13,084 Thank you very much. 974 00:55:13,118 --> 00:55:17,579 You know, seventeen years ago, I won the talent contest... 975 00:55:17,624 --> 00:55:18,818 by sewing... 976 00:55:19,826 --> 00:55:21,088 these culottes... 977 00:55:21,126 --> 00:55:23,151 Butterick pattern seven-four-three-two. 978 00:55:23,196 --> 00:55:25,096 And can you believe it? 979 00:55:25,130 --> 00:55:26,291 They still fit. 980 00:55:26,331 --> 00:55:29,199 She had a big ass then, she's got a big ass now. 981 00:55:29,234 --> 00:55:31,702 Our next contestant is ready, so let's welcome her... 982 00:55:31,738 --> 00:55:33,170 Tess Weinhaus. 983 00:55:38,410 --> 00:55:40,140 Yeah, it's just gone. 984 00:55:42,414 --> 00:55:43,540 I mean... 985 00:55:43,583 --> 00:55:46,710 I just wanna tap, you know? 986 00:55:46,753 --> 00:55:51,382 I'm not saying I'm the best or that I'd even win, but... 987 00:55:51,423 --> 00:55:53,550 shouldn't I at least get a chance to compete? 988 00:55:53,593 --> 00:55:57,393 The beagle is known for its howl. 989 00:56:01,401 --> 00:56:04,028 I just wanted my mom to see me dance. 990 00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:06,800 Amber, Amber, come here. 991 00:56:06,873 --> 00:56:09,501 Please. I got so much Vaseline on my teeth... 992 00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:11,600 I'm going to be smiling for a year. 993 00:56:11,678 --> 00:56:13,236 No. Here. 994 00:56:13,312 --> 00:56:14,573 It's nothing special... 995 00:56:14,614 --> 00:56:17,606 but talent like yours doesn't need to hide behind sequins. 996 00:56:17,649 --> 00:56:19,082 Oh, Miss K. 997 00:56:19,117 --> 00:56:20,449 Oh, look. 998 00:56:20,485 --> 00:56:25,855 But none can compare to the greatest bark of all... 999 00:56:25,892 --> 00:56:28,156 the German shepherd. 1000 00:56:30,697 --> 00:56:34,258 Aw, hell, go out there and kick some Leeman ass. 1001 00:56:35,501 --> 00:56:37,764 Not so hard, sweetie. I heard something snap. 1002 00:56:37,804 --> 00:56:39,668 Roll him over! 1003 00:56:39,738 --> 00:56:40,706 Lay him flat! 1004 00:56:41,740 --> 00:56:43,470 Pin his shoulders! 1005 00:56:43,543 --> 00:56:45,066 To the mat! 1006 00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:47,670 Roll him over! Lay him flat! 1007 00:56:47,746 --> 00:56:49,715 Pin their shoulders to the mat! 1008 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,339 Go... 1009 00:56:51,383 --> 00:56:52,749 Muskies! Yeah! 1010 00:57:02,861 --> 00:57:03,851 Fade in. 1011 00:57:05,130 --> 00:57:08,464 The year... 2024. 1012 00:57:10,068 --> 00:57:11,797 Planet... Earth. 1013 00:57:13,005 --> 00:57:14,972 The question on everyone's mind? 1014 00:57:16,275 --> 00:57:17,867 What is... 1015 00:57:17,944 --> 00:57:19,502 Soylent Green? 1016 00:57:24,516 --> 00:57:27,110 Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? 1017 00:57:27,152 --> 00:57:29,121 Why are you pretending you don't know what's going on? 1018 00:57:29,154 --> 00:57:31,179 Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. 1019 00:57:31,224 --> 00:57:32,690 But you know the rules. 1020 00:57:32,724 --> 00:57:34,659 All talent costumes have to be OK'd... 1021 00:57:34,693 --> 00:57:36,059 by Gladys before the pageant. 1022 00:57:36,094 --> 00:57:37,652 But doesn't someone taking your costume... 1023 00:57:37,696 --> 00:57:40,164 so you can't compete overrule that rule? 1024 00:57:40,199 --> 00:57:42,258 Amber, I'm sorry. I don't make up the rules. 1025 00:57:42,301 --> 00:57:43,824 Oh, this... 1026 00:57:43,870 --> 00:57:45,461 this is bullshit! 1027 00:57:45,505 --> 00:57:48,667 Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language. 1028 00:57:48,740 --> 00:57:51,709 Good, because this isn't an American Teen Princess Pageant. 1029 00:57:51,743 --> 00:57:53,735 This is... this is... 1030 00:57:53,812 --> 00:57:55,781 this is Nazi Germany! 1031 00:57:59,551 --> 00:58:01,280 Where do they get this stuff? 1032 00:58:09,428 --> 00:58:11,486 I'm wearing this tap costume. 1033 00:58:11,531 --> 00:58:13,897 I'm going to do my talent tonight. 1034 00:58:13,932 --> 00:58:15,161 Oh, really? 1035 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,690 I don't think so. 1036 00:58:20,173 --> 00:58:22,437 I hate to be the bearer of bad news... 1037 00:58:22,508 --> 00:58:25,170 but you know the rules state that a costume has to be OK'd... 1038 00:58:25,244 --> 00:58:27,234 at least a week in advance. 1039 00:58:27,312 --> 00:58:30,840 I couldn't let you go out there in that skimpy little thing. 1040 00:58:30,883 --> 00:58:32,440 We've got kids in the audience. 1041 00:58:32,484 --> 00:58:34,509 I hope you understand. 1042 00:58:34,554 --> 00:58:36,112 But you... I mean... 1043 00:58:36,154 --> 00:58:38,714 It's not my fault. Please. 1044 00:58:38,757 --> 00:58:40,851 I didn't do anything wrong. 1045 00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:43,384 I know the truth, that's why. 1046 00:58:43,428 --> 00:58:44,760 I must say... 1047 00:58:44,796 --> 00:58:46,957 Soylent Green... 1048 00:58:46,999 --> 00:58:49,057 is people! 1049 00:58:52,771 --> 00:58:54,672 Now, that's my cue. 1050 00:59:34,813 --> 00:59:37,577 I just wanted to compete. 1051 00:59:39,384 --> 00:59:42,718 I can't believe this is happening. 1052 00:59:42,754 --> 00:59:45,280 I can't believe she said... 1053 00:59:53,832 --> 00:59:54,958 Here. 1054 00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,490 Here? What? 1055 00:59:56,535 --> 00:59:58,093 My jacket. 1056 00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:00,537 Take it, because I got my costume OK'd a month ago... 1057 01:00:00,606 --> 01:00:02,198 before the pageant. You can wear it. 1058 01:00:02,275 --> 01:00:03,741 Put it on. 1059 01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:04,901 Oh, wow. 1060 01:00:04,977 --> 01:00:06,671 Lisa, I don't think you should do this. 1061 01:00:06,712 --> 01:00:08,475 They're never going to let you perform naked. I asked. 1062 01:00:08,514 --> 01:00:10,674 Shut up, you guys. 1063 01:00:10,716 --> 01:00:13,480 Listen, Amber... 1064 01:00:13,519 --> 01:00:16,316 I'm not going to win. 1065 01:00:16,355 --> 01:00:18,915 And let's be honest, the family only needs one Liza... 1066 01:00:18,957 --> 01:00:21,756 and Peter's got much better legs than me, OK? 1067 01:00:21,793 --> 01:00:23,158 Your parents will kill you. 1068 01:00:23,195 --> 01:00:25,890 Ah, come on. I love them... 1069 01:00:25,932 --> 01:00:29,526 but they only had me because Peter needed that kidney. 1070 01:00:35,207 --> 01:00:36,332 Thank you. 1071 01:00:39,878 --> 01:00:41,004 Now... 1072 01:00:41,046 --> 01:00:42,605 it is with overwhelming pride... 1073 01:00:42,681 --> 01:00:45,242 that I introduce to you contestant number six... 1074 01:00:45,284 --> 01:00:48,150 who is also the president of her class two years running... 1075 01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:50,712 an honor roll student, and the new president... 1076 01:00:50,756 --> 01:00:52,985 of the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club. 1077 01:00:53,025 --> 01:00:54,252 Ladies and gentlemen... 1078 01:00:54,293 --> 01:00:56,591 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1079 01:01:04,403 --> 01:01:05,926 You know what? 1080 01:01:05,971 --> 01:01:07,461 The rumors are true. 1081 01:01:08,574 --> 01:01:12,031 I do have a special fella in my life... 1082 01:01:13,145 --> 01:01:15,578 and if nobody minds... 1083 01:01:15,614 --> 01:01:19,345 I'd like to sing a little song just for him. 1084 01:01:22,287 --> 01:01:26,224 You're just too good 1085 01:01:26,258 --> 01:01:27,417 To be true 1086 01:01:28,660 --> 01:01:31,255 Can't take my eyes 1087 01:01:31,296 --> 01:01:32,355 Off of you 1088 01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,524 Bullshit. 1089 01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:36,000 You'd be like heaven 1090 01:01:36,034 --> 01:01:38,059 To touch 1091 01:01:38,103 --> 01:01:39,833 I wanna hold you 1092 01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:41,736 So much 1093 01:01:42,841 --> 01:01:44,399 At long last 1094 01:01:44,476 --> 01:01:47,673 Love has arrived 1095 01:01:47,713 --> 01:01:50,204 And I thank God 1096 01:01:50,282 --> 01:01:51,441 I'm alive 1097 01:01:52,951 --> 01:01:55,317 You're just too good 1098 01:01:55,354 --> 01:01:57,344 To be true 1099 01:01:57,389 --> 01:02:00,086 Can't take my eyes 1100 01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:01,592 Off of you 1101 01:02:02,728 --> 01:02:05,252 I love you, baby 1102 01:02:05,297 --> 01:02:06,957 And if it's quite all right 1103 01:02:06,999 --> 01:02:09,057 I need you, baby 1104 01:02:09,101 --> 01:02:11,296 To warm the lonely night 1105 01:02:11,336 --> 01:02:13,964 I love you, baby 1106 01:02:14,039 --> 01:02:16,064 Trust in me when I say 1107 01:02:16,141 --> 01:02:18,667 Lisa, come on, you're next. 1108 01:02:18,744 --> 01:02:20,302 Nah, I quit. 1109 01:02:20,379 --> 01:02:23,074 And since my costume was OK'd a month ago... 1110 01:02:23,115 --> 01:02:24,274 I'm giving it to Amber. 1111 01:02:27,953 --> 01:02:30,444 Let me love you, baby 1112 01:02:30,489 --> 01:02:33,423 Let me love you 1113 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,074 Oh, boy, I'd hate to follow that act. 1114 01:02:51,109 --> 01:02:53,806 The voice of an angel, that one. 1115 01:02:59,585 --> 01:03:02,747 I have just been notified that contestant number seven... 1116 01:03:02,788 --> 01:03:05,756 Lisa Swenson has dropped out of the pageant. 1117 01:03:08,260 --> 01:03:10,455 I know, but these things happen... 1118 01:03:10,495 --> 01:03:13,931 and we still have one more contestant... number eight. 1119 01:03:13,966 --> 01:03:15,194 Amber Atkins. 1120 01:04:50,028 --> 01:04:51,997 Thank you. 1121 01:05:05,878 --> 01:05:06,844 Well... 1122 01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,248 The time has finally come... 1123 01:05:11,917 --> 01:05:15,079 where we say good-bye to the judges... 1124 01:05:15,119 --> 01:05:19,146 so that they can go off and make the toughest decision... 1125 01:05:19,191 --> 01:05:20,385 of their lives. 1126 01:05:26,632 --> 01:05:28,031 So, who gets the crown? 1127 01:05:28,066 --> 01:05:29,260 How are you going to figure this all out? 1128 01:05:29,301 --> 01:05:31,861 Well, you know, we'll... 1129 01:05:31,904 --> 01:05:34,531 compare scores and figure out a winner... 1130 01:05:34,606 --> 01:05:37,007 because, I mean, we don't know who the winner is yet. 1131 01:05:37,041 --> 01:05:40,011 I mean, I have no idea who Jean picked... 1132 01:05:40,044 --> 01:05:41,603 or Harold. 1133 01:05:41,679 --> 01:05:43,146 - No. - No idea. 1134 01:05:44,950 --> 01:05:47,384 I know who the winner is. 1135 01:05:47,418 --> 01:05:49,181 I know who the winner... Harold. 1136 01:05:49,221 --> 01:05:50,950 I know who the winner is. 1137 01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:52,389 That's it. 1138 01:05:52,423 --> 01:05:56,417 You shut your goddamn mouth, you goddamn retard! 1139 01:05:56,461 --> 01:05:59,453 I've had your shit for two weeks now! 1140 01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:00,522 Come on. 1141 01:06:02,166 --> 01:06:04,532 Back off, college boy! Now listen! 1142 01:06:06,238 --> 01:06:09,206 Hank can't help it if he's born crazier than a shit-house rat! 1143 01:06:09,241 --> 01:06:12,972 For fuck's sake, why didn't you leave him with a sitter? 1144 01:06:17,883 --> 01:06:19,179 Nice, John. 1145 01:06:19,218 --> 01:06:20,446 That's real nice. 1146 01:06:20,485 --> 01:06:23,319 You know the baby-sitter's dead. 1147 01:06:28,060 --> 01:06:29,492 So... 1148 01:06:29,528 --> 01:06:31,461 Anyone talk to Jenelle lately? 1149 01:06:31,496 --> 01:06:34,193 Oh, yeah. I brought her some flowers this morning. 1150 01:06:34,233 --> 01:06:36,633 Yeah. She's in the room next to my mom. 1151 01:06:36,668 --> 01:06:38,795 Oh, she's super happy. 1152 01:06:38,836 --> 01:06:40,064 She's happy? 1153 01:06:40,138 --> 01:06:42,369 Oh, the blow to her head made her deaf. 1154 01:06:42,441 --> 01:06:43,600 Oh, God. 1155 01:06:43,675 --> 01:06:45,700 - Isn't that great? - Oh, that's great. 1156 01:06:45,777 --> 01:06:47,643 She's so happy. 1157 01:06:49,213 --> 01:06:51,044 Jesus Christ! 1158 01:06:51,083 --> 01:06:54,018 What are they doing, letting the retard count the votes? 1159 01:06:55,019 --> 01:06:56,850 Ladies, it's time. 1160 01:07:16,208 --> 01:07:18,607 Welcome back, everybody... 1161 01:07:18,644 --> 01:07:19,735 and judges. 1162 01:07:19,811 --> 01:07:21,836 Oh, gosh. 1163 01:07:21,914 --> 01:07:24,780 We are so darn close to that moment... 1164 01:07:24,816 --> 01:07:27,411 we have all been waiting for. 1165 01:07:27,452 --> 01:07:30,285 And now, our second runner-up... 1166 01:07:30,322 --> 01:07:32,619 and winner of a fifty-dollar scholarship... 1167 01:07:32,658 --> 01:07:36,025 for the vo-tech of her choice is... 1168 01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:39,590 Leslie Miller. 1169 01:07:44,736 --> 01:07:46,294 You rule, Leslie! 1170 01:07:59,350 --> 01:08:01,181 Envelope, please. 1171 01:08:04,623 --> 01:08:07,682 Our next prize, a seventy-five- dollar scholarship... 1172 01:08:07,725 --> 01:08:10,751 will be awarded to the first runner-up. 1173 01:08:10,796 --> 01:08:12,889 The first runner-up is... 1174 01:08:17,236 --> 01:08:19,032 Amber Atkins. 1175 01:08:45,464 --> 01:08:49,058 And now, finally the moment... 1176 01:08:49,101 --> 01:08:51,091 that I know I've been waiting for. 1177 01:08:51,135 --> 01:08:53,468 With a scholarship of five hundred dollars... 1178 01:08:53,539 --> 01:08:56,974 courtesy Leeman Furniture, and an all-expense-paid trip... 1179 01:08:57,009 --> 01:09:00,206 next weekend, when she will be competing for the title... 1180 01:09:00,244 --> 01:09:01,644 of Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1181 01:09:01,679 --> 01:09:04,614 Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1182 01:09:11,088 --> 01:09:12,715 Our new... 1183 01:09:12,758 --> 01:09:16,421 Mount Rose American Teen Princess is... 1184 01:09:17,963 --> 01:09:19,692 contestant number... 1185 01:09:20,698 --> 01:09:22,428 You know what? It's my daughter... 1186 01:09:22,467 --> 01:09:24,959 Rebecca Ann Leeman! 1187 01:09:38,282 --> 01:09:40,342 Oh, thank you so much. 1188 01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:44,820 Bitch. 1189 01:10:02,940 --> 01:10:05,102 Here she is 1190 01:10:05,177 --> 01:10:06,610 Our Mount Rose 1191 01:10:06,645 --> 01:10:09,112 American Teen Princess 1192 01:10:09,181 --> 01:10:11,274 Look at her 1193 01:10:11,315 --> 01:10:13,477 Doesn't she look fine? 1194 01:10:13,519 --> 01:10:16,783 Our heart swells big 1195 01:10:16,822 --> 01:10:19,221 As we look at her 1196 01:10:19,258 --> 01:10:20,451 Our Mount Rose 1197 01:10:20,491 --> 01:10:25,155 American Teen Princess 1198 01:10:25,197 --> 01:10:26,788 One, two, three. 1199 01:10:27,833 --> 01:10:29,800 - You got her there? - Yeah, I got her. 1200 01:10:29,835 --> 01:10:32,269 We was robbed. We was robbed. 1201 01:10:32,304 --> 01:10:34,635 It's OK. They're just giving her a ride back. 1202 01:10:34,705 --> 01:10:37,300 She almost blew out of Loretta's pickup on the way over. 1203 01:10:37,376 --> 01:10:38,843 Thank God for bungee cords. 1204 01:10:40,112 --> 01:10:42,137 I got second runner-up. 1205 01:10:42,214 --> 01:10:43,579 I got second place. 1206 01:10:43,614 --> 01:10:45,412 - Third. - Huh? 1207 01:10:45,449 --> 01:10:47,145 - Third. - Bye. 1208 01:10:53,392 --> 01:10:56,759 Are you disappointed about not winning? 1209 01:10:56,794 --> 01:10:59,388 Yeah, well, no. 1210 01:10:59,430 --> 01:11:04,629 At least I got to compete, and my mom got to see me dance. 1211 01:11:04,670 --> 01:11:07,161 I guess number eight only worked for Diane Sawyer. 1212 01:11:07,239 --> 01:11:08,672 Oh, stop. 1213 01:11:08,706 --> 01:11:09,799 Let's go home. 1214 01:11:09,875 --> 01:11:11,365 I'll let you drive. 1215 01:11:13,344 --> 01:11:14,572 I hope it was worth it. 1216 01:11:14,613 --> 01:11:16,603 No, Dad, it was worth it. 1217 01:11:16,682 --> 01:11:18,012 Amber should've won. 1218 01:11:18,050 --> 01:11:19,209 I tell you one thing... 1219 01:11:19,251 --> 01:11:20,774 Peter never would've pulled a shenanigan like that. 1220 01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:23,083 Well, you know what, Dad? 1221 01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:25,112 You know what? Peter's gay. 1222 01:11:26,525 --> 01:11:27,684 Gay! 1223 01:11:29,328 --> 01:11:30,487 What? 1224 01:11:32,064 --> 01:11:33,223 So, Becky, how does it feel? 1225 01:11:33,265 --> 01:11:34,755 Oh, well... 1226 01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:37,530 I mean, it's all happening so fast. 1227 01:11:37,568 --> 01:11:39,662 I'm so excited. 1228 01:11:39,705 --> 01:11:42,435 I mean, I won. 1229 01:11:42,506 --> 01:11:46,273 I'm the winner, and I'm going to state. 1230 01:11:46,310 --> 01:11:49,507 She's the winner, and we're going to state. 1231 01:11:49,548 --> 01:11:50,844 What a surprise. 1232 01:11:50,882 --> 01:11:52,610 Gladys Leeman's finally going to go to state... 1233 01:11:52,651 --> 01:11:54,117 and she'll probably ride on Becky's ass... 1234 01:11:54,151 --> 01:11:55,778 all the way to nationals, too. 1235 01:11:55,821 --> 01:11:57,811 Wonder how she's going to fix that one. 1236 01:11:57,855 --> 01:12:00,153 Are you ladies going to the parade? 1237 01:12:00,192 --> 01:12:03,058 Nah. I think I'm, like, due or something. 1238 01:12:22,680 --> 01:12:25,844 Beautiful as a whore's ass today, huh, boys? 1239 01:12:28,286 --> 01:12:30,617 Do you need help with the cooler? 1240 01:12:51,008 --> 01:12:54,001 See, Gladys had me get that special-made from Mexico... 1241 01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:55,273 in case Becky won. 1242 01:12:55,313 --> 01:12:57,247 You know, I do a lot of business down there... 1243 01:12:57,281 --> 01:12:59,273 always offer to pay them off in tacos. 1244 01:13:00,651 --> 01:13:02,209 Oh, they love that. 1245 01:13:02,254 --> 01:13:03,550 Keep on moving through. 1246 01:13:06,692 --> 01:13:08,284 Let's get this straight right now. 1247 01:13:08,326 --> 01:13:09,987 We wouldn't have been late at all if not for you. 1248 01:13:10,027 --> 01:13:13,088 I want to have the big bag of little doughnuts. 1249 01:13:13,130 --> 01:13:14,257 You get nothing, Hank. 1250 01:13:14,298 --> 01:13:16,596 I want to eat a big bag of little doughnuts. 1251 01:13:16,635 --> 01:13:18,660 There's your paint can. 1252 01:13:18,704 --> 01:13:20,227 The next time you drink window cleaner... 1253 01:13:20,272 --> 01:13:22,501 I'm just going to leave it in you. 1254 01:13:27,179 --> 01:13:28,544 My pants are... 1255 01:13:44,830 --> 01:13:46,626 You rule! 1256 01:14:01,379 --> 01:14:02,436 Rebecca Ann Leeman. 1257 01:14:02,481 --> 01:14:05,211 You are the one that wanted this. 1258 01:14:05,249 --> 01:14:06,443 Now get up there. 1259 01:14:06,485 --> 01:14:09,579 I don't care if you have to ride this thing sidesaddle. 1260 01:14:09,620 --> 01:14:10,746 Get up there. 1261 01:14:10,788 --> 01:14:13,314 It smells funny... like gasoline. 1262 01:14:13,357 --> 01:14:16,019 Everything smells like that in Mexico. 1263 01:14:16,060 --> 01:14:17,858 My dress will reek, Mother. 1264 01:14:17,895 --> 01:14:19,260 You listen to me now, missy. 1265 01:14:19,297 --> 01:14:20,991 This thing cost your dad a pretty penny... 1266 01:14:21,032 --> 01:14:22,624 so you get your ass up there. 1267 01:14:22,667 --> 01:14:25,464 And show me some teeth. 1268 01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:27,562 Love you, baby. 1269 01:14:38,250 --> 01:14:40,012 You rule! 1270 01:14:42,220 --> 01:14:43,346 Stop it! 1271 01:14:43,387 --> 01:14:46,049 You are a bad kid! 1272 01:15:03,140 --> 01:15:04,665 You rule! 1273 01:15:08,679 --> 01:15:10,772 If I die from these fumes... 1274 01:15:10,816 --> 01:15:12,806 you'll make sure and cover up the hickeys on my neck? 1275 01:15:15,319 --> 01:15:18,084 And the bite marks on my ears. 1276 01:15:18,122 --> 01:15:19,612 Yeah, sure. 1277 01:15:19,658 --> 01:15:23,560 And I know it won't show, but on my inner thighs... 1278 01:15:23,594 --> 01:15:25,028 Yes, Leslie, OK. 1279 01:15:25,062 --> 01:15:26,655 Help! 1280 01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:39,039 OK, I designed the float. 1281 01:15:39,076 --> 01:15:45,640 And what's going to happen here is that this is going to look... 1282 01:15:45,683 --> 01:15:49,346 like a glistening lake beneath the swan. 1283 01:15:50,521 --> 01:15:51,886 We need more bars. 1284 01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,184 This is... What? 1285 01:15:53,225 --> 01:15:54,419 Enid ate a whole pan. 1286 01:15:54,458 --> 01:15:55,823 She can't do anything by herself. 1287 01:15:57,295 --> 01:15:59,525 This is exactly how I pictured it... 1288 01:15:59,564 --> 01:16:01,395 Choking on swan gas. 1289 01:16:03,701 --> 01:16:05,727 Oh, great. 1290 01:16:14,078 --> 01:16:15,545 Oh, my God. 1291 01:16:18,683 --> 01:16:20,913 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1292 01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,078 Oh, my God. 1293 01:16:22,119 --> 01:16:23,644 Oh, crap. Oh, crap. 1294 01:16:37,935 --> 01:16:40,403 Oh, my baby! 1295 01:16:40,471 --> 01:16:42,234 Oh, my God! 1296 01:16:42,306 --> 01:16:44,968 The swan ate my baby! 1297 01:16:46,410 --> 01:16:50,472 Becky, baby, get up! 1298 01:16:50,514 --> 01:16:52,846 We got to go to state! 1299 01:16:54,785 --> 01:16:57,345 Gladys, let her go. 1300 01:16:57,388 --> 01:16:58,549 No. She's not getting up. 1301 01:16:58,589 --> 01:17:01,183 We got to... Get off of me, you cow! 1302 01:17:04,528 --> 01:17:07,396 What are you looking at, huh? 1303 01:17:07,431 --> 01:17:10,128 A whole goddamned town full of losers... 1304 01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:11,760 that's what I'm looking at! 1305 01:17:14,005 --> 01:17:15,131 And you... 1306 01:17:16,741 --> 01:17:18,572 You piece of shit trailer trash! 1307 01:17:18,609 --> 01:17:21,373 That should've been you in there! 1308 01:17:21,412 --> 01:17:23,710 Damn it, I should've killed you when I had a chance... 1309 01:17:23,748 --> 01:17:25,773 just like your little friend! 1310 01:17:25,816 --> 01:17:30,311 Tammy was one crispy critter up on that thresher! 1311 01:17:30,354 --> 01:17:32,983 Ding! Fries are up! 1312 01:17:34,125 --> 01:17:35,592 Stop it! Stop it! 1313 01:17:42,500 --> 01:17:43,626 Take it easy. 1314 01:17:43,668 --> 01:17:45,464 Let go of me! 1315 01:17:45,503 --> 01:17:46,901 Oh, my God, it's "Cops. " 1316 01:17:46,972 --> 01:17:48,461 He sells reproductions! 1317 01:17:48,539 --> 01:17:51,509 His furniture's as fake as my orgasms. 1318 01:17:51,542 --> 01:17:53,009 Hey, how you doing? 1319 01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:54,511 Hey. What's up, Scott? 1320 01:17:54,545 --> 01:17:56,173 You remember Bruce, right? 1321 01:17:56,214 --> 01:17:58,682 Bruce, that's Roy. Roy, Bruce. 1322 01:18:00,218 --> 01:18:03,881 And that's why, dear Lord, it's with such great sorrow... 1323 01:18:03,921 --> 01:18:06,550 we turn over to you this young woman... 1324 01:18:06,591 --> 01:18:08,889 whose dream of riding on a giant swan... 1325 01:18:08,926 --> 01:18:11,157 has brought about her untimely death. 1326 01:18:11,195 --> 01:18:16,725 Maybe it's your way of telling us to buy American. 1327 01:18:17,768 --> 01:18:19,030 That's right. 1328 01:18:20,805 --> 01:18:22,705 As acting president... 1329 01:18:22,740 --> 01:18:24,936 of the Mount Rose Civil Servettes... 1330 01:18:25,009 --> 01:18:26,637 it is my duty... 1331 01:18:26,711 --> 01:18:32,308 to make you Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1332 01:18:34,485 --> 01:18:36,454 Turn around for the picture. 1333 01:18:36,487 --> 01:18:37,477 You look good. 1334 01:18:41,492 --> 01:18:43,290 What is wrong with you? 1335 01:18:43,327 --> 01:18:44,453 I don't know. 1336 01:18:44,495 --> 01:18:46,054 I didn't wanna win like this. 1337 01:18:46,097 --> 01:18:47,961 You stop right there. 1338 01:18:47,999 --> 01:18:49,466 You are a good person. 1339 01:18:49,500 --> 01:18:51,968 Good things happen to good people. 1340 01:18:52,003 --> 01:18:53,129 Really? 1341 01:18:53,170 --> 01:18:55,661 No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie. 1342 01:18:55,706 --> 01:18:58,471 You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. 1343 01:18:58,543 --> 01:19:00,169 Let's get you a root-beer float. 1344 01:19:00,244 --> 01:19:02,406 You guys want some shots? I'm buying. 1345 01:19:03,414 --> 01:19:06,873 I never liked her, but she didn't deserve... 1346 01:19:06,918 --> 01:19:09,386 to die in the belly of a swan like that. 1347 01:19:09,420 --> 01:19:14,255 The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time. 1348 01:19:15,426 --> 01:19:17,395 This came for you, sweetie. 1349 01:19:17,428 --> 01:19:19,056 Hi, guys. 1350 01:19:19,096 --> 01:19:20,893 It's from the state! 1351 01:19:20,932 --> 01:19:22,422 Yeah. Open it up. 1352 01:19:23,434 --> 01:19:25,902 It's all the stuff I get to do. 1353 01:19:26,938 --> 01:19:28,268 OK, let's see. 1354 01:19:29,507 --> 01:19:32,943 We get a personal consultation with a makeup artist. 1355 01:19:34,145 --> 01:19:37,113 Oh, there'll be a choreographer to the stars. 1356 01:19:37,148 --> 01:19:38,615 - Choreographer. - The stars. 1357 01:19:39,650 --> 01:19:41,117 Oh, my God. 1358 01:19:41,152 --> 01:19:42,948 No way. Oh, my God. 1359 01:19:42,987 --> 01:19:45,454 For Christ's sakes, spit it out, Amber. 1360 01:19:45,489 --> 01:19:48,458 We'll be staying overnight at... 1361 01:19:48,492 --> 01:19:50,289 the Airport Howard Johnson! 1362 01:19:50,328 --> 01:19:51,795 Right by the airport! 1363 01:19:51,829 --> 01:19:52,955 Oh, Amber! 1364 01:19:52,997 --> 01:19:54,965 God, that's so great! 1365 01:19:56,500 --> 01:19:58,969 Oh, crap. I only got four weeks to practice. 1366 01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:00,469 Let's go, let's go! Right now! 1367 01:20:00,504 --> 01:20:01,631 I'm gonna call your mom. 1368 01:20:32,570 --> 01:20:34,697 All right, say, "airport hotel. " 1369 01:20:34,771 --> 01:20:35,739 Airport hotel! 1370 01:20:35,772 --> 01:20:37,741 Coffee and doughnuts. 1371 01:20:41,612 --> 01:20:43,581 Yeah, why don't you take a picture? 1372 01:20:43,614 --> 01:20:44,582 It lasts longer. 1373 01:20:44,615 --> 01:20:45,674 Loretta, don't do that. 1374 01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,081 All right. I'm sorry. They're just staring. 1375 01:20:47,118 --> 01:20:48,585 I gotta work with these girls. 1376 01:20:48,619 --> 01:20:49,780 OK, I'm sorry. 1377 01:21:16,547 --> 01:21:18,014 And you are... 1378 01:21:18,049 --> 01:21:20,517 Mount Rose American Teen Princess. 1379 01:21:20,551 --> 01:21:22,543 Funny, you don't look dead. 1380 01:21:26,390 --> 01:21:28,359 - OK, ladies! - Girls, come on. 1381 01:21:28,392 --> 01:21:31,020 Ladies, listen up. I'm Colleen Douglas. 1382 01:21:31,062 --> 01:21:34,361 And this raven beauty on my right is Terry Macy. 1383 01:21:34,398 --> 01:21:35,559 Hi there. 1384 01:21:35,600 --> 01:21:38,194 And we're your Minnesota American Teen Princess... 1385 01:21:38,236 --> 01:21:39,497 state board. 1386 01:21:39,537 --> 01:21:40,867 That's right. 1387 01:21:40,905 --> 01:21:43,702 We're also the cofounders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. 1388 01:21:43,774 --> 01:21:45,571 Yep. And you can get your applications... 1389 01:21:45,610 --> 01:21:47,077 over here at the tiki bar... 1390 01:21:47,110 --> 01:21:49,079 and we will wave the fifty-dollar application fee... 1391 01:21:49,112 --> 01:21:51,580 if you list a friend and put down her address. 1392 01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,247 So... 1393 01:21:54,285 --> 01:21:55,444 you're cute. 1394 01:21:56,454 --> 01:21:57,819 Oh, I see you're married. 1395 01:21:57,854 --> 01:22:01,255 If you catch this in your mouth, I'll give you a present. 1396 01:22:01,292 --> 01:22:03,156 All right? Open wide. 1397 01:22:04,161 --> 01:22:05,958 Oh, God, you got that on the first try. 1398 01:22:05,997 --> 01:22:07,964 Come here. 1399 01:22:07,999 --> 01:22:09,830 Oh, you are cute. 1400 01:22:09,866 --> 01:22:11,458 OK, due to budgetary cutbacks... 1401 01:22:11,501 --> 01:22:12,968 And the fact... 1402 01:22:13,004 --> 01:22:14,971 that the national didn't cough up a goddamn nickel... 1403 01:22:15,039 --> 01:22:16,836 You won't be staying overnight. 1404 01:22:16,908 --> 01:22:18,465 So everybody pay attention. 1405 01:22:18,543 --> 01:22:21,273 You've got about eight hours till showtime. 1406 01:22:21,312 --> 01:22:23,041 Remember to count, ladies. 1407 01:22:23,080 --> 01:22:26,016 Cross on the left and arms up on eight. 1408 01:22:26,049 --> 01:22:28,075 On the beat, on the beat, on the beat! 1409 01:22:28,119 --> 01:22:30,610 Keep on. Keep moving it. 1410 01:22:30,655 --> 01:22:32,122 Come on, Miss Forest Lake... 1411 01:22:32,155 --> 01:22:33,953 take that stick out of your ass or I will! 1412 01:22:33,991 --> 01:22:35,652 All right. Very nice. 1413 01:22:35,693 --> 01:22:36,887 Now come on. 1414 01:22:36,928 --> 01:22:38,485 Mom's out here in the front row. 1415 01:22:38,528 --> 01:22:39,654 Come on. Sell it! 1416 01:22:39,697 --> 01:22:41,561 That's very nice. 1417 01:22:41,599 --> 01:22:42,895 Remember, figure eights, ladies. 1418 01:22:42,934 --> 01:22:49,362 I can sum up our entire philosophy with this glass. 1419 01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:51,533 I can look at it and see... 1420 01:22:51,609 --> 01:22:53,200 it's half full. 1421 01:22:53,277 --> 01:22:55,939 Which in the beauty pageant biz means... 1422 01:22:55,980 --> 01:22:57,571 "Where the hell is my waiter?!" 1423 01:22:57,615 --> 01:22:59,741 - Marco! - Polo! 1424 01:22:59,784 --> 01:23:02,946 Stop with the friggin' Marco Polo, or I'll come over there... 1425 01:23:02,987 --> 01:23:04,545 and rip your fat little heads off! 1426 01:23:13,830 --> 01:23:16,492 Miss Burnsville, you're up next. 1427 01:23:22,039 --> 01:23:24,507 I have a little secret weapon of my own. 1428 01:23:25,543 --> 01:23:26,669 Don't tell anyone. 1429 01:23:39,489 --> 01:23:41,458 Oh, I don't eat shellfish. 1430 01:23:41,491 --> 01:23:43,187 Ma always says, "Don't eat anything... 1431 01:23:43,226 --> 01:23:44,693 "that can carry its house around with it. 1432 01:23:44,729 --> 01:23:46,719 "Who knows the last time it's been cleaned?" 1433 01:23:46,763 --> 01:23:48,732 I've done about thirty-five pageants. 1434 01:23:49,800 --> 01:23:51,529 I guess my most memorable one... 1435 01:23:51,569 --> 01:23:54,037 would have to be Miss Teen America 1995... 1436 01:23:54,105 --> 01:23:55,572 'cause it was in Vegas. 1437 01:23:56,606 --> 01:23:58,234 And my roommate did Adam West. 1438 01:23:58,309 --> 01:24:01,574 She said he was so horny. 1439 01:24:13,925 --> 01:24:15,153 Oh, my God. 1440 01:24:32,542 --> 01:24:34,942 I should just go home now. 1441 01:24:36,047 --> 01:24:37,514 OK, real good. 1442 01:24:37,547 --> 01:24:39,014 One suggestion, sweetie. 1443 01:24:39,050 --> 01:24:41,677 Why don't you hike up your skirt a little bit then, OK? 1444 01:24:42,719 --> 01:24:43,880 Next! 1445 01:24:46,057 --> 01:24:48,024 Oh, my God. 1446 01:24:48,059 --> 01:24:49,526 I gotta go! 1447 01:24:49,559 --> 01:24:52,027 You better do something about those nerves, sweetie. 1448 01:24:52,063 --> 01:24:53,530 Thirty million people aren't gonna wait for you... 1449 01:24:53,563 --> 01:24:55,030 while you run to the john. 1450 01:24:55,066 --> 01:24:56,533 That's true. 1451 01:24:58,735 --> 01:25:01,102 Will somebody get a mop and a bucket? 1452 01:25:01,172 --> 01:25:04,266 Today, a beauty pageant turned ugly. 1453 01:25:07,377 --> 01:25:08,743 Did I win? 1454 01:25:08,779 --> 01:25:10,440 Honey, if I was a good lover... 1455 01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:12,505 Oh, for crap sake. 1456 01:25:12,550 --> 01:25:14,017 A salmonella dysentery outbreak... 1457 01:25:14,050 --> 01:25:16,712 now traced to improperly refrigerated shellfish... 1458 01:25:16,753 --> 01:25:19,314 was believed to be the cause. 1459 01:25:25,162 --> 01:25:27,859 Oh, my God. Do you think they heard us? 1460 01:25:27,899 --> 01:25:31,459 Oh, for Christ's sake! Call an ambulance! 1461 01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:32,627 An ambulance? 1462 01:25:32,670 --> 01:25:34,467 Call a priest, for Christ's sake! 1463 01:25:35,872 --> 01:25:37,966 Joining us now is David Richardson... 1464 01:25:38,041 --> 01:25:41,478 a member of a documentary crew filming the pageant. 1465 01:25:41,546 --> 01:25:44,173 He was there when tragedy struck. 1466 01:25:45,383 --> 01:25:48,511 Fuckin' beauty queens blowin' chunks everywhere. 1467 01:25:48,553 --> 01:25:52,352 I've never seen anything like it before, and... 1468 01:25:52,390 --> 01:25:53,687 I live in L.A. 1469 01:25:53,723 --> 01:25:55,055 Oh, hey, Ed. 1470 01:25:56,059 --> 01:25:57,526 That's our sound guy. 1471 01:25:57,562 --> 01:25:59,529 Could you tell us anything about the controversy? 1472 01:25:59,564 --> 01:26:01,031 Is there a controversy here? 1473 01:26:01,064 --> 01:26:02,430 Has there been sabotage? 1474 01:26:02,466 --> 01:26:03,399 Wait a minute. 1475 01:26:03,433 --> 01:26:05,402 While we haven't ruled out sabotage... 1476 01:26:05,435 --> 01:26:07,096 from neighboring state pageants... 1477 01:26:07,138 --> 01:26:08,799 Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota. 1478 01:26:08,873 --> 01:26:10,135 Yeah, that's right. 1479 01:26:10,207 --> 01:26:12,175 Ohio. 1480 01:26:12,210 --> 01:26:13,176 That bitch from Wisconsin. 1481 01:26:13,211 --> 01:26:14,199 All right then. 1482 01:26:14,277 --> 01:26:16,439 The important thing is we have a winner! 1483 01:26:16,480 --> 01:26:17,641 - Yes, we do. - OK. 1484 01:26:17,682 --> 01:26:19,945 The Minnesota Modeling Academy is proud to present... 1485 01:26:19,984 --> 01:26:21,781 Along with Sarah Rose Cosmetics... 1486 01:26:21,818 --> 01:26:22,944 Amber Atkins... 1487 01:26:24,554 --> 01:26:27,456 The new Minnesota American Teen Princess! 1488 01:26:27,491 --> 01:26:28,652 That's Amber Atkins. 1489 01:26:28,693 --> 01:26:30,660 That's right. From Mount Rose. 1490 01:26:30,695 --> 01:26:33,595 Amber, how do you feel? 1491 01:26:33,631 --> 01:26:35,097 Well, I... 1492 01:26:35,131 --> 01:26:37,464 I feel like I need to take a shower. 1493 01:26:38,636 --> 01:26:40,467 Honey, is this the best day of your life? 1494 01:26:40,504 --> 01:26:43,496 Yeah. I wish my mom was here, though. 1495 01:26:43,541 --> 01:26:45,008 Wave hi to her. 1496 01:26:45,041 --> 01:26:46,508 Hi, Mom. 1497 01:26:46,576 --> 01:26:48,043 Hey, you hear that? 1498 01:26:48,079 --> 01:26:49,546 Hi, monkey. 1499 01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:51,377 I got some. 1500 01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:55,884 Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no. 1501 01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,184 You know, I still don't want to be on camera. 1502 01:26:58,221 --> 01:27:00,519 I just wanna say... 1503 01:27:00,558 --> 01:27:02,889 that little bitch better watch her back... 1504 01:27:02,927 --> 01:27:04,554 at the nationals... 1505 01:27:04,594 --> 01:27:07,062 'cause I am making friends on the inside. 1506 01:27:07,098 --> 01:27:09,225 Yeah. Darn good friends. 1507 01:27:09,267 --> 01:27:11,394 Friends who have friends on the outside. 1508 01:27:11,434 --> 01:27:13,596 Get your sweet ass off the phone, Cinnamon. 1509 01:27:13,638 --> 01:27:14,797 Gotta go. 1510 01:27:16,107 --> 01:27:17,073 Oh, yeah. 1511 01:27:17,108 --> 01:27:18,575 I just can't believe it. 1512 01:27:18,608 --> 01:27:20,439 I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess. 1513 01:27:20,478 --> 01:27:22,445 Our baby's going to nationals. 1514 01:27:22,480 --> 01:27:24,414 Lincoln, Alabama, look out! 1515 01:27:25,982 --> 01:27:28,213 I'm gonna be on TV just like Diane Sawyer. 1516 01:27:32,490 --> 01:27:33,957 Annette, just use your hand. 1517 01:27:33,990 --> 01:27:35,582 They told me to practice. 1518 01:27:48,873 --> 01:27:50,363 I did it. 1519 01:27:50,440 --> 01:27:51,964 OK. Ready? 1520 01:27:52,043 --> 01:27:55,011 Here's the signal I'm gonna give Mom when I'm on TV. 1521 01:27:56,881 --> 01:27:59,315 My little Carol Burnett. 1522 01:27:59,350 --> 01:28:00,816 Here she is... 1523 01:28:00,850 --> 01:28:03,114 Minnesota's American Teen Princess... 1524 01:28:03,154 --> 01:28:04,621 and soon to be... 1525 01:28:04,654 --> 01:28:08,146 the next America's American Teen Princess... 1526 01:28:08,191 --> 01:28:10,022 our little Amber. 1527 01:28:32,148 --> 01:28:34,447 So after Frank dusts the crops... 1528 01:28:34,484 --> 01:28:37,454 he's taking her to Lincoln, Alabama. 1529 01:31:00,997 --> 01:31:02,397 Come on out... 1530 01:31:02,432 --> 01:31:05,960 you little blond piece of trailer-park trash! 1531 01:31:11,374 --> 01:31:14,468 We're here in the sixth hour of a shootout between... 1532 01:31:20,717 --> 01:31:22,184 This is Amber Atkins... 1533 01:31:22,218 --> 01:31:25,518 reporting live from the Food Shack for KRLH News. 1534 01:31:25,555 --> 01:31:27,524 One of our reporters has just been shot. 1535 01:31:27,557 --> 01:31:30,550 Paramedics are working on her right now... 1536 01:31:33,898 --> 01:31:35,489 I'm Peter Atchison. 1537 01:31:35,533 --> 01:31:37,000 And I'm Amber Atkins. 1538 01:31:37,033 --> 01:31:39,195 For WAZB News, good night. 102348

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