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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,356 --> 00:00:03,107 Hey. 2 00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:05,777 I brought you some breakfast as a peace offering. 3 00:00:07,111 --> 00:00:08,696 Food here is a little tricky. 4 00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,657 It's just a closet full of beef jerky. 5 00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:13,326 Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage was an alum here, 6 00:00:13,409 --> 00:00:17,288 and he left his entire food supply to Ron in his will, so, 7 00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:20,583 snap into a Slim Jim? 8 00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,335 - Care to join me for breakfast? 9 00:00:22,418 --> 00:00:24,170 - Of course. 10 00:00:24,254 --> 00:00:27,215 Jerky for two. 11 00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:30,468 Um... look, 12 00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:33,721 I wanted to apologize. 13 00:00:33,805 --> 00:00:35,723 You know, I didn't mean to... - Stab me? 14 00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,600 - Well, I wasn't gonna use those words. 15 00:00:37,684 --> 00:00:40,061 Look, Ron-Ron is crazy. 16 00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:42,689 I'm serious. He's-he's nuts. 17 00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,649 Sick-in-the-head crazy. 18 00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:47,193 And I'm convinced that that motherfucker killed 19 00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:48,695 a dude named Rodrigo. 20 00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,154 And the motherfucker tried to kill me 21 00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:51,948 just for being around his office. 22 00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:55,118 And as far as your arm goes, I know you think I'm lying... 23 00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,536 I heard "retractable." 24 00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:58,997 - You know, I've dated guys like you before. 25 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,832 It's always someone else's fault. 26 00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:02,750 - That's not true. 27 00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,669 That's not true at all. When I'm wrong, I... 28 00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:06,629 I shouldn't say that 'cause I'm never wrong. 29 00:01:06,713 --> 00:01:08,423 If... if I'm wrong, 30 00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:10,550 I have no problem admitting that I'm wrong. 31 00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:14,012 But in this case, I'm not. He said "retractable." 32 00:01:14,095 --> 00:01:17,974 - Hey, part of me is glad you stabbed me. 33 00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:20,184 It's a badge of honor. 34 00:01:20,268 --> 00:01:22,854 I heard when Jason Statham came through here, 35 00:01:22,937 --> 00:01:24,898 he got stabbed directly in the heart. 36 00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:26,191 - Did he survive that? 37 00:01:26,274 --> 00:01:28,359 - He shot Transporter, like, a week later. 38 00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:30,236 - What the fuck? 39 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,946 In the heart? They stabbed him in the heart? 40 00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:33,948 - Yep, right through it. - Goddamn it. 41 00:01:34,032 --> 00:01:36,284 Maybe I'm just doing the wrong fucking thing here. 42 00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,244 I mean... 43 00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:40,622 ...maybe this just isn't for me, you know? 44 00:01:40,705 --> 00:01:42,582 - So, just leave. 45 00:01:42,665 --> 00:01:44,834 Go home. I'm sure there's 46 00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:47,212 a real hero somewhere in need of a goofy sidekick. 47 00:01:47,295 --> 00:01:48,838 - Okay, uh, that backfired. 48 00:01:48,922 --> 00:01:50,715 I thought that you would go the opposite direction 49 00:01:50,798 --> 00:01:53,009 and tell me that, no, I should stay, 50 00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,178 and that this is for me. 51 00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:56,679 That's what I... thought... 52 00:01:56,763 --> 00:01:58,181 - Well, what do you want me to say? 53 00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:00,683 If you need extra motivation to be the star 54 00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,061 of a Claude Van De Velde movie... 55 00:02:03,144 --> 00:02:05,063 uh, you're in the wrong business. 56 00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:09,400 This is probably my only shot to be a big action star, so 57 00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:11,402 I'm not gonna blow it. 58 00:02:11,486 --> 00:02:13,321 I'll do anything it takes. 59 00:02:16,824 --> 00:02:19,035 - You're right. 60 00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:22,372 You are absolutely right. 61 00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:24,791 I need to stop all the bitching and moaning, 62 00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,668 and I need to cowboy the fuck up. 63 00:02:26,751 --> 00:02:29,546 - There you go. 64 00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:38,680 - When I first started in the business, 65 00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:40,390 training action stars, 66 00:02:40,473 --> 00:02:42,809 every stunt scene was practical. 67 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:45,979 Or, as Kevin might say, "retractable." 68 00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:47,856 - Oh, that's really good. That's great. 69 00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:50,316 It's not funny. - But the industry has changed. 70 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,527 You can't even be an action star without, 71 00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,028 well, knowing how to work green. 72 00:02:54,112 --> 00:02:56,489 - Uh, I'm very familiar with the green screen. 73 00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:57,907 I mean, I've done about 15 movies 74 00:02:57,991 --> 00:02:59,701 where we've had a green screen. 75 00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:02,161 - In which of those 15 movies were you the leading man? 76 00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,789 Any idiot can jump on a green screen 77 00:03:04,873 --> 00:03:07,625 and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon. 78 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,335 Hell, even Little Kevin can do that. 79 00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:10,795 - Oh, hell no! 80 00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:13,423 - Okay, who's finding the time to dress him like me? 81 00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,091 It's really... - Okay, question. 82 00:03:15,174 --> 00:03:17,802 What does a leading woman or a leading man 83 00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,972 get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't? 84 00:03:21,055 --> 00:03:23,057 - Win fights. - Uh, murder bad guys. 85 00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,434 - Make love. 86 00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:27,812 Today's lesson is in lovemaking. 87 00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,147 - Yes! 88 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,398 On the green screen? 89 00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:32,066 Are we doing it on the green screen? 90 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,568 - Bingo. - Nice. 91 00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:36,779 Adding effects to the bed, to the wall, just cracking 'em. 92 00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,156 - Okay, I'm gonna be candid. 93 00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,450 I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him. 94 00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:41,451 - That's fine, 'cause I don't want 95 00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:42,994 to do a sex scene with her. Ugh. 96 00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:50,793 What's so funny? - Okay, well, look at you, 97 00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,337 and then look at her. 98 00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,339 And look at you, then her. 99 00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:56,257 Then you, then her. - Okay. 100 00:03:56,341 --> 00:03:58,551 I don't get the joke. What is...? What-what am I missing? 101 00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,553 - All right, let me put it another way. Uh... 102 00:04:00,637 --> 00:04:02,764 Look at you, and then look at her. 103 00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:05,058 Then look at you, and then her. 104 00:04:05,141 --> 00:04:07,977 - Can we just get this shit over with, please? 105 00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:10,188 - Okay, let's discuss motivation. 106 00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:12,190 All right, now... 107 00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:13,942 after almost killing each other, 108 00:04:14,025 --> 00:04:15,985 Agent Hart and Agent King 109 00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,737 discover that they're on the same team. 110 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,781 After diffusing a bomb, 111 00:04:19,864 --> 00:04:21,199 at the top of a skyscraper, 112 00:04:21,282 --> 00:04:23,201 in-in the middle of an earthquake, 113 00:04:23,284 --> 00:04:26,996 they discover this overwhelming passion for each other. 114 00:04:28,998 --> 00:04:30,959 - Wait, wait, wait. We-We're at the top of a skyscraper 115 00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,293 in the middle of an earthquake? 116 00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,087 - Yes! Yes! Goddamn it! 117 00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,881 You are the dumbest actor that I've ever worked with! 118 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,633 Go! Action! 119 00:04:38,716 --> 00:04:42,220 Red wire... or blue wire? 120 00:04:42,303 --> 00:04:44,222 - It's got to be the red. - Are you sure? 121 00:04:44,305 --> 00:04:45,515 Agent Hart, are you sure? 122 00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:47,433 - I don't know. 123 00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,752 - Earthquake. Earthquake! 124 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,170 The building's falling apart! 125 00:05:16,254 --> 00:05:18,256 - Oh, okay, um... - Oh, okay. 126 00:05:18,339 --> 00:05:19,674 - Good, great. 127 00:05:20,508 --> 00:05:21,801 - Oh! Oh! Oh! 128 00:05:21,885 --> 00:05:23,428 Oh, shit! 129 00:05:23,511 --> 00:05:26,180 Hold on! Wait! Oh! 130 00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,182 Where you at? Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin. 131 00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:30,560 - Hold on, wait, give me a second! Shit! 132 00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,186 - Okay. - Okay, all right. 133 00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,938 Come on, it's an earthquake. It's an earthquake. 134 00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:34,939 Go. - Yeah. 135 00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:36,482 - Go. - Agent Hart, 136 00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:38,651 I can't believe we just diffused that bomb. 137 00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:41,196 We just saved thousands of lives, maybe millions. 138 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,324 - This earthquake's got to be about a 7.5 magnitude. 139 00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:47,911 This could be our last time being together before we die. 140 00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,830 - Now kiss her neck softly and start fucking. 141 00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,082 - What...? Wait. 142 00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,293 Kiss-kiss her neck and then start fucking? 143 00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,754 - Kiss her neck softly and start fucking! 144 00:05:57,837 --> 00:06:00,006 - Oh, okay. He... - Uh... 145 00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:01,591 - I'm just gonna do it 'cause that's what he s... 146 00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:03,509 - Yeah, no, it's fine. - Yeah, let me put your... 147 00:06:03,593 --> 00:06:06,304 Give me that. - Be sexy! Do something! 148 00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,097 - Grab my leg. - Okay, give me this one. 149 00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:11,226 - Have you never had sex before?! Do it! 150 00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,186 - That's not... - We need... All right. 151 00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:14,437 One second. That's it. - I think we got it. 152 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,272 - Go! Go! 153 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,650 - Agent Hart, no. We shouldn't do this. 154 00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,402 It's against Bureau protocol. 155 00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:24,656 - Well, protocol was meant to be broken. 156 00:06:29,577 --> 00:06:32,247 Help! Help! Don't drop me! Don't drop me! 157 00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:33,831 Please don't let go! Don't let go! 158 00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,750 - I won't! I got you! - Don't let go! 159 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,126 - I've got you, I promise! 160 00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:39,337 - Can you push in a little closer? 161 00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:40,797 - Help me! Help me! 162 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,465 I'm too young to die! 163 00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:44,717 - Any closer, they'll see the cameras. 164 00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,344 - Okay, good. Hold there. 165 00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:48,680 - I got you. - Perfect. 166 00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:50,932 - Help! - Kevin, you're, like, one foot 167 00:06:51,015 --> 00:06:53,768 off the ground. - You cannot teach acting like that. 168 00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:55,311 - I'm just gonna let you down, okay? 169 00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:56,729 - Aah! 12305

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