Original subtitles

All right, who's ready to have a good time, huh?

That's right. That's what I like to hear.

Uh, show of hands, how many people have, uh,

been to a taping of a TV show before?

Thank you. Okay.

Just remember: "The movie's hilarious.

Everyone buy tickets."

Let me ask you a question. - Yeah.

Do you think I'm good in the movie?

Come on, Kev. I'm your agent. Of course I think you're good

in the movie. You know who else thinks you're good in the movie?

The studio.

Now go knock 'em dead. Big smiles, big laughs.

America's funny man.

And, uh, we're gonna have a great time, all right?

"America's funny man."

Oh, now, Kev, people are just raving

about this new movie of yours. - Oh, my God, they're raving.

You are working with

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,

playing his comedy sidekick again.

What is this, the sixth time now?

Number six.

How do you keep it so fresh?

I mean, look, Dwayne and I are, um...

You know, we're friends.

#Jealous. - Lucky.

He's lucky, too. He's lucky, too.

But I mean, look, when you are friends,

you feed off of each other.

That energy, of course, transfers, but, uh,

I don't know, I would like to think of my, my characters

as, as heroes, as well.

I-I don't know what the...

I don't know why they laugh.

I'm very serious.

You know, I've-I've actually... I've been...

I've been trying to become a leading man, you know?

Do more of an action star thing.

But I've been... I've been somewhat typecast.

For some reason, people only see me as the funny guy.

You make me laugh. Yeah. No. Thank you. Glad...

Glad, you know, appreciate it. - I'm not an easy audience.

Yeah, you know, but it's just... It's... I can do more

than show up and do the funny or do the dance. I'm...

Would you, though? - Would you do that dance?

Come on. - Come on.

Who wants to see Kevin dance?

Huh?

We'll get the Macarena going. Anybody?

We would love that. - No.

No.

I'm not... I'm not gonna dance.

Next time. Next time, then, for sure.

Oh, dear. - Uh, but getting back to the movie,

t-tell-tell us just how great this movie is.

The, uh, the movie's garbage.

Sorry.

Yeah. The movie's garbage.

Take the movie, ball it up,

throw it in the trash can.

How many times do you need to see me

in a car with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,

and I'm the comedy sidekick, and he's saving lives,

and I got a catchphrase: "Oh, hell no!"?

We love it when you say that.

Oh, yeah. Can you do it again? - Yeah.

Here's my question: why can't I be an action star?

I read something online

a-about, uh, you being

afraid of woodland creatures. - Oh, yes.

About me what? - A beaver?

It was a s-squirrel. A squirrel. - A squirrel. It was a squirrel.

Yes, that you have a fear of squirrels.

And who's afraid of a squirrel?

I'm not fucking afraid of a squirrel!

Okay. - I'm not afraid of shit.

Okay, you've said it. You've made your point there.

I'm not afraid of shit. - Yeah.

And I'm more than just the guy that does comedy.

I'm a fucking action star, all right?

So why don't you start taking me a little serious?

Tell me what I am and what I'm not.

If I didn't have what the fuck it takes, would I show this?

Or that?

Back up! - Yup.

Whoa, Kev, Kev, Kev. Kev, hey.

You got to go back out there, say it was a joke.

Talking about "it was a joke"? You don't get it, man.

All right? I'm trying to be taken seriously.

My whole life, I've dreamed of becoming an action hero.

Well, you know, maybe instead of dreaming,

you should just stay in your own lane.

What the fuck did you just say?

What are you doing?

It was a bit. We were doing a bit.

I'm not afraid of [bleep]. - Okay, you've said it.

You've made your point there. - I'm not afraid of [bleep].

Yeah. - And I'm more than just

the guy that does comedy.

I'm a [bleep] action star, all right?

So why don't you start [bleep]?

- That was our star Kevin Hart,

and apparently he's... going through something.

- To say the least. You don't see Tom Cruise...

I already know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say, "Apologize," and then after that if I go...

No, no, no. Kev, it's too late to apologize.

The studio already removed you from the fucking billboard.

So I'm done? Just like that, I'm done?

Maybe not.

Claude Van De Velde wants to meet with you.

Claude Van De Velde? You're talking about the director?

Yes. Claude Van De Velde,

director of four of the six biggest action movies

of all time, saw the interview and wants to meet.

Why? What-what...?

You know what? It don't matter.

It d... It doesn't even fucking matter. I'm there, okay?

I'm there.

Oh, shit.

I have seen all your films.

I like all your films, but you, Kevin--

you don't like your films. - Wow, you can tell, huh?

Of course I can tell.

You and I-- we are the same.

My movies have grossed billions of dollars.

Mm. - Who cares?

Yeah, I mean, it's not about the money, right?

It is about finding yourself inside an artistic expression.

Yes.

I want to find you, Kevin.

Will you let me find you?

You found me. I'm right here, man.

My next project is a serious, gritty action film.

It requires a serious, gritty actor.

You, Kevin.

I want you in the leading role.

Holy shit, man. You got to be... - Oh.

Excuse you.

Watch it, man. - My apologies, sir.

Mark Wahlberg would not scream at a party server.

Oh, I didn't scream. I didn't... I didn't scream...

An action star is tough, confident,

unfazed by minor details that disrupt the average layperson.

Yeah, I... I was unfazed.

I wasn't fazed at all from that. - If you really want this part,

I need you to attend a training program.

All the best action stars have gone through it.

I don't... You're talking, like, an action star school?

Stallone. Van Damme.

Steven Seagal.

Jackie Chan. They're all alums.

Wow. I just kind of assumed all those guys had the...

had the juice,

the mojo. - Do you remember

what Matt Damon was before he was Jason Bourne?

Yeah, he-he'd just won an Oscar.

Neither do I. This program turned a no-name Matt Damon

into a leading man revered around the world.

Look, with all due respect, I don't need that.

I don't, I don't need none of that.

I'm ready now.

I'm ready right now.

Down here, Kevin.

You don't think you need training,

you want the part right now.

Well, your new part is waiting for you on that rooftop.

Go and get it!

Oh, shit!

Help! Help me!

Help me! - So good.

He's doing his famous "Help me" scene

from Ride Along 2. - Help me! Help me!

Help!

Look, Kev, I don't love the idea

of you driving out to the middle of nowhere

to go to some... - Action star school.

Right, yes. That, Kev.

Maybe we just wait a little longer.

Eventually, the studios will forget how badly you fucked up,

and they'll offer you a new sidekick role.

No. This is my time to shine!

You believe in me, don't you?

Don't you?

Danny? You believe in...

Oh, shit.

Damn reception.

Oh, hell, no.

Ron Wilcox?

Shit.

Don't be a bitch, Kevin.

Be Academy Award-winning Matt Damon.

Get the fuck off my car.

Um, hello?

Anybody here?

Claude Van De Velde sent me.

No, no. You tell me what you want to tell me.

Why are you here?

Why are you here? - Where's my nephew Rodrigo?

Uh, fellas? - What do you mean, where's your nephew?

I don't know where the fuck your nephew is.

Hey!

Excuse me. - Now you don't trust me?

I know you murdered my nephew Rodrigo.

Bullshit, motherfucker!

I didn't murder Rodrigo.

Look, you got your money, I got my shipment.

I don't know where Rodrigo is. - Oh.

Maybe he's fucking your mother.

Our training has already begun. Oh.

Okay. Uh...

Oh, you-you... Oh, come on!

Bring it! Bring it!

Come on! Bring that bat, motherfucker!

Hey!

You want to push somebody around, try me out.

Hey, and what are you? A tough guy?

Goddamn right I'm a tough guy.

North Philadelphia tough.

I'm Kevin motherfucking...

Oh.