Original subtitles

Previously on "Wynonna Earp"...

My master is coming!

- John Henry Holliday. - Bulshar.

You will do my bidding.

You're strong, baby girl.

Waverly? - Mum.

Get out! Go!

Michelle Gibson's finally gonna slay her little demon child.

There isn't an evil bone in Michelle Gibson's body.

The demon's here. - Is it me?

Waverly!

No, sweetheart. But she came for you.

What would we do without you?

Oh, I bet you'd all just die. All just die.

We need more rope.

No. We do not have time for this!

She's secure, Wynonna.

One of you is gonna listen. Either one, I don't give a shit which!

Did she steal your gun and go full prison break on you?

Go inside if you're not gonna help.

What? No, Waverly, don't go.

Don't let her be alone!

She has friends in the house, "Mama"...

who didn't try to murder her multiple times.

No, please don't go.

Go! - No, no! Don't go!

Go! - Don't go!

No! - Shut up!

Waverly!

You know what? You're gonna listen for two goddamn minutes.

You owe me that, no matter what you think I am.

You get one.

OK. OK.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! OK, OK.

A demon has been stalking your sister ever since she was a baby.

By the time she was six

I knew that it wanted to torture her and kill her.

And I knew that it would win.

It's thoughtful of it to let you know.

Forty seconds on the clock.

I was trying to exorcise it when the barn caught fire.

And instead, it became bound to me.

It has been torturing me ever since for what I'd done.

It broke me.

That is what you see.

Our family business is killing demons.

Why wouldn't you have told us any of that?

Because you two were children.

You let Waverly come and visit me.

She touched me and she broke the bind.

The demon escaped.

And you thought you'd join the party?

Selfish...!

I could have gone anywhere, but I chose to come and save Waverly.

I know that I saw the demon, but where the hell is it?

Where the hell did it go?

I know Mama's a problem.

Baby, soggy crust is a problem.

Your mama is a catastrophe.

Oh, you made cupcakes? For me?

I would do anything for you.

All you have to do is tell me everything.

Of course. Just like always!

You're family, Jolene.

Come here.

Oop! Ha ha! Too tight!

Everything will turn out as it should.

Trust me.

I just encountered the most bossy woman itching for a drink.

You think I'm a monster for tying up my own mother.

I think the lineage was immediately clear.

The warden or his guards are gonna be here any minute

and I don't know whether to turn Mama in or soak the barn in kerosene.

She keeps saying there's a demon that wants to kill Waverly

and it's already here.

Well, she did spend 20 years in a mental institution for being... mental.

Excellent point. Thank you.

I beg your pardon? - Oh, I baked your fave.

Snickerdoodles.

Mmm. - Snickerdoodle!

Good, right?

Jolene has always made the most superior grub.

I'm also an ace lookout.

Oh, you don't have to be on demon duty, Jojo.

I should do it. - Oh, honey

if I let that thing hurt any of you...?

No. Let me get my boots, I'm on it!

Maybe Michelle isn't lying.

I don't think she's lying, I think she's nuts.

Officer Haught and I listened to her therapy session tapes

from prison last night.

I heard three voices.

Mum, therapist... other patient?

An obscene creature, howling so violently that it drowned out all else.

A demon. The demon.

The doctor couldn't hear it. Only your mother...

And then I.

Wait, why could you hear it?

Did you get extra-dimensional hearing aides?

When Dolls shot me... when you were not there...

Wynonna, I went to hell.

Oh my god.

The point is, your sister is in real danger.

Look, I want to believe you, I do

but I didn't see a demon here last night.

All I remember is you waving a gun at me.

You were about three months old.

And you were wailing your baby lungs out, in the middle of the night

and I came in and something...

was floating over your crib

and I went at it with the fireplace poker and it left.

Sometimes dreams can be like that, right?

Disorienting, when you wake up...

OK. Explain why a "dream" started appearing in every picture.

Every photo that I took of you. There was this face. This horror.

And it was behind you and it was blurry.

But it was coming and it was getting closer.

Closer every time.

Can you show me?

No, because I got scared.

And I ripped them all up, because I thought that was gonna fix it.

Jesus Christ. Go get Wynonna out here.

We're wasting time we don't have.

At Kindergarten...

Kindergarten, I wouldn't sit next to the story-time mirror because...

because I kept seeing something behind me.

God.

Teeth, that's what I remember, rows and rows and rows of angry teeth...

You saw it. You saw it.

It's cool, I always hated this mug.

No. This thing hates you.

It hates you more than I thought anything could hate anyone.

And I'm so tired.

I'm so tired from fighting it.

If something's coming, you have me now. Wynonna. And Jolene.

Who the hell's Jolene?

Christ on a cracker!

Pie? It's fresh outta my oven!

Morning, Miss, are you a neighbour?

Sure. - I'm chasin' down an escaped felon.

Oh, I know all about your chasin'.

I know how many drugs you gave to the girls on your wing

so you didn't have to chase 'em too fast.

I know which ones you were chasing right into your own private office.

I'm not sure I understand.

Thing is it's fine with me. Sometimes it even made me laugh.

You know, the stupid smallness of it all.

Of you. - Are you with the Earps?

Yes, finally.

And sweet little Waverly's as good as mine.

It's my party and I'm not gonna let you poop on it.

You should've tried the pie.

It might've dulled the pain.

Oh well! You're going to be so useful!

This'll be warmer.

John Henry Holliday, ma'am.

I'm um...

You're an undead relic from the old west?

Sure. Why not?

He's Wynonna's... uh...

Does "uh" mean boyfriend?

Oh, the "boy" is... - I wouldn't like to presume...

...a century plus and... - ...and such a title is indeed...

Waverly's schtupping a cop?

Her name's Nicole...

Oh, I'd love to talk about her later.

If we live.

You're gonna love her.

Almost as much as we love you, Mama Earp.

Hey, what's all over your apron?

Oh, it's chocolate. Bit of a cream puff disaster!

Don't you remember me, Michelle?

You... you smell familiar.

Mama! This is Jolene.

My friend? Since forever?

Oh, Mama hasn't been here since forever.

No, she abandoned, um... - No, I didn't!

She left three young girls alone with their alcoholic father.

No, no, that was because of the demon! - Hmmm.

Jolene. We don't have time to talk about this right now.

It's coming, it's strong, and all it wants is Waverly.

Oh, well the road is pretty clear.

I think the danger has passed.

The Gibson greenhouse. The family farm.

It's where Waverly was born.

I'm gonna summon it. I'll bind it to me. Again.

I'll see you out at the Gibson place.

Oh, I have so much baking to do, I'm not going, and you shouldn't go either.

Well, if the Earps need my pistol, I'll be there.

This family reunion is really charged.

I keep my counsel.

Wynonna can't waste her energy feeling badly for you

because of the thing with you going to H-E-Double Hockey-Sticks?

She told you about that?

Yeah, well, I do not require anyone's pity, least of all Wynonna Earp's.

She's too nice to say any of all this

but Nona's got a whack-jack mama and a bad-ass demon on her plate.

I mean, does she really need a mortal bartender with half a lung

and a probable mood disorder dragging her down?

That is somewhat reductive.

I just wonder how useful you are.

You know, what have you brought to the table, lately?

I don't mean any offense by this.

But have I ever lied to you?

No... I don't recall that you have. - No.

Men are so much easier.

I just wish I was there to keep that darn Waverly from doing something stupid.

Well, we can't perform miracles, but I do my best.

Yeah, you could have a really sweet grow-op in here.

OK good. There's a door here and there's doors there

and there's a skylight.

This one, it could be an entry point.

Mama, can we talk?

Sorry, ain't that what we've been doin'?

About my real dad.

His... name was Julian.

Who was he?

He was someone better.

I ran here every time I could escape.

And somehow he knew how to follow...

Where is he?

Where did he go?

OK, later. None of it's gonna matter if we can't save his daughter.

License and registration.

And a permit for your cherry light?

Nikki! I was trying to get these to you while they were still warm!

Lemon scones?

No poppy seeds. I know you hate them.

Days of flossing, am I right?

You! You know all my weaknesses, Jolene.

After you I'm gonna drop off some fortifying treats to the Earp ladies.

Hmm. At the homestead?

Oh, no, no, they're off on some typically nutty mission!

Wavy, Nona and their fugitive mamacita.

Oh, am I just dropping all this on you?

I thought Waves would've at least texted.

That's not something they always think of...

Including you in their plans?

Speaking of plans, I do have to get going.

I need your girlfriend to finish all of this.

I'd do it myself, but of course I can't physically harm her and...

What?

Don't worry, doesn't mean we can't have some fun first!

That's it. Eat up. - Hmm!

Oop! There's a little crumb there.

Jolene. You're free to go.

You tell Waverly and those Earp bitches I said "hey".

Wait, did I just say...?

No, that's right. Bitches is dead on.

You just missed one.

If you stand here, you can cover me.

Wait, where's Mama?

On top of everything else we need to be an adult day-care centre?

I'm outside. But we gotta get the son of a bitch here!

First in barrel racing, but my second act was roping.

Back off, demon.

I thought you cut off his head?

Grew back, ugly revenant styles.

But this time I brought the demon breaker.

Make your peace.

Through mime, if necessary.

Oh my god. We did it.

We... We did it.

We did it!

He'll never hurt us again, Mama.

He's gone.

Christ, I almost didn't think I was gonna get here without me being dead or...

Waverly...

Waverly...

Jolene?

What are you doing here?

Your mother set a trap for me.

You can't make this easy, can you, you selfish, greedy tumour.

You have taken everything from me.

But you are gonna pay it back.

You'll have to do it yourself, but we can make that happen.

Wynonna! Mama!

Jolene? Jolene?

God, are you OK?

I just came to bring a picnic.

She grabbed me...

Don't be mad at her, she's confused and we're all under so much stress!

Waverly, what the hell is wrong with you?

- To whiskey! - Whoa!

God, I've missed her.

Oh, and to Jolene!

Oh, that sexy bitch.

You gonna charge for those cookies?

It's a tasty way to make friends!

Yes, so is showing your cleavage

and you don't have to do the dishes after.

Hi.

"Hi".

Don't be like that.

What? I'm not being like anything.

Well, then have a shot. And don't forget the cardinal rule.

Don't drink wine after whiskey.

Nope, the cardinal, cardinal rule.

Don't attack members of your own team, Dorcas.

Duh!

You sure they want me to come?

They still seem so mad.

Oh, they'll be fine, sugar-cube.

Will you?

Look, I'm so sorry, Jolene.

I saw something, I don't know...

Look. We all know that you're a little trigger happy.

Nicole calls it "impulsive"? - She said that?

Mm-hm. She's meeting us at Shorty's!

What? You called her?

She's my best friend, Waverly.

Cupcake for the road?

Thanks.

Oh, Gypsy Rose Lestat seems to have made herself right at home.

Maybe I should get my fortune told because my future feels wide open!

No. All our cash is earmarked for the Get-Mama-Pissed-fund.

Three more, barkeep! - Please, please.

Here's something I don't understand.

How could a revenant be inside my head all this time

but physically in the prison? That doesn't add up.

Would you like a Nanaimo Bar?

Need max room for max beer.

Or whiskey.

Some revenants have different powers.

Though that's a new one. A big one.

Yeah, it doesn't feel right. At all.

No... - You know what else doesn't feel right?

Just Kate thinking she can set up shop in our bar just because she's Doc's wife.

What?

Oh yeah, she's his old lady from the old west.

Typical Romeo and Juliet stuff.

Whoa.

I'll go talk to her. - Yeah, I'm gonna drink for her.

Who is that?

You are still coherent.

An act of will, Doc.

Xavier Dolls is dead.

Interesting.

Were you friends, at the end?

I like to think so.

But that ain't why you came here to ply me with...

Banana liqueur?

Well, feel free to send it back up if you are declining.

I'll just plug my nose and pretend I'm in Tahiti.

Oh, hello. What do you want from me, Doc? Tears? Shock?

I'm looking for an angle I can use on Bulshar.

You know better than to make deals with devils.

A lesson we have both been slow to learn.

I want to negotiate. I want a visitor.

Waverly Earp.

I will do my level best.

Bulshar wants his ring.

It was on his hand when it got cut off by his spider wife - the widow.

What does it do?

It makes his finger look pretty?

I have not seen it, since we ended her.

Your little team of heroes.

One of them must have jacked it...

...and they haven't told you they have it yet.

Enjoy the belly-wash.

Sorry you'll have to stand in your own piss afterwards.

Send me Waverly! You owe me, Doc!

Send me Waverly!

Obviously I assumed she was mega dead by now

nothing but a body.

But what a body.

Who's that Big Nose Kate?

Her nose is perfect.

In better news, she has to go around with that nickname now

for the rest of eternity!

You're Wynonna Earp.

Now get your butt out here and I will do repairs.

I don't need repairs.

Oh honey.

Oh. - Good call.

Hey. Are you OK?

So Waverly gets it!

She's the one who told me that Kate was his wife!

You knew?

Well, it was Doc's right to tell.

I didn't think I should... - Be loyal?

Wynonna, Kate came for him, not vice-versa.

Now you shove those legendary Earp ta-tas up

and you go and you tantalise that man.

I don't think that's a good idea.

So, you can't not be on Wynonna's side and then tell her how to behave.

Since when do we have "sides"?

Dunno but you sure as hell don't seem to be on mine, half-sister.

Why did I just say that? That was awful.

I don't think so, hon.

I think that's exactly what she needed to hear.

I should have some staff here somewhere...

You know, I thought I liked you, Johnny Hank.

Classic cowboy, bar full of bottles, turns my crank.

Here.

But...

What is this?

I call it...

the "Don't Have A Stealth Wife While You're Doin' My Daughter, You Enormous Prick".

It is a pitiful evening indeed.

I cannot even catch the eye of Jolene, the prettiest girl in Purgatory.

I don't like you at all.

I didn't even mean that!

♪ I get my kicks ♪

♪ From a bottle of booze... ♪

Nikki! You made it!

Can I get you a drink? - Oh, yes please.

No, I won't go see him.

We can't open that door. Can he?

Well, he did say it was to your own advantage...

Excuse me.

I know you're not talking about Bobo Del Rey without me, right?

I'm just trying to find a way to contribute. - Doc...

Because I feel like you've been contributing all over the place.

Wynonna...

It seems like you are incapable of keeping a confidence.

You're married! - Guys...

Shut up, Waverly! - Shut up!

Pardon the interruption, but I heard someone wished to cross my palm?

Is that what they're calling it these days?

I didn't think your palm was necessarily involved.

Maybe this isn't the best time...

Hey Waverly, maybe mow your own lawn.

Oh! - Oh!

Well, it's all in the smile and wave.

Yeah, it's quite a smile.

Here. Let me get that for you.

What are you doing?

I just got here.

We're having a brilliant time!

Whoa, OK Waverly.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. OK. Just give me a second!

She's just pouring me a beer!

Whoa! Guys, just take it easy, alright? - Let's not! Move, Copper!

Nice, Mama.

This one goes out to chaos.

"Cheater Cheater" by Joey & Rory

♪ Cheater cheater, where'd you meet her? Down at Ernie 's bar? ♪

♪ Did she smile your way, twirl her hair ♪

♪ And say how cute your dimples are? ♪ - First call for free alcohol!

♪ Did she use that line " your place is mine" ♪

♪ While you danced with her real slow ♪

♪ Tell me, cheater, cheater, where'd you meet that no good white trash hoe... ♪

You can't! You're my kid! You don't turn off my taps!

Don't tell her what to do!

Hey, I can fight my own battles!

Yeah? When are you gonna start, huh?

♪...get the hell out of my house ♪

Goddamnit, Wynonna! Can't you be sober for once?

Yeah! Can't you be a not-stuck-up suck up?

♪ Cheater, cheater, where 'd you meet that... ♪

I have pursued that man across continents and centuries and I do not give up!

Blah, bitch. Have you met me?

Excuse me.

♪...no good white trash hoe. ♪

OK, move. In you go.

Just try not to hit each other, OK?

Or do! I mean, you punched everybody else in this town.

I got the mutton chop dude, and I got that vampire whore...

I got the ginger cop... I'm sorry. And Doc. - Jinx! You owe me a beer!

You know, Jolene sent you guys some baking

but I'm just going to give it to the staff for having to deal with the two of you.

Boooooooo. - It was lovely to meet you, Officer.

Was it? - Meh.

If they give you any trouble...

They're Earps. - Yeah.

Call me first, alright?

Hey. - OK.

Alright, I... just came to bail them out.

No bail for drunks.

They stay until they're not.

Oh, well then, see you next week.

Even though Wynonna did assault an officer, I'm not gonna press charges.

But Michelle, we've got to turn her in to the feds.

What? Nicole! No. - Harbouring a fugitive at your home?

One who tried to kill you as a child? What were you thinking?

She's my mother. - And I'm a cop!

You didn't think to talk to me about it first?

I was... I was going to!

But you didn't.

I had to hear it from Jolene.

Were you not even thinking about me at all? Am I always the last person you consider?

No, I... I'm so sorry.

Can I...

Can I call you later? - Nah. Or don't.

Like a Queen surveying her kingdom.

Sorry? - No, I don't believe you are.

I'm bored. Want a freebie?

No thanks. I'm not interested.

The Five of Wands.

This is a warning. You have an outstanding bill.

I'm all paid up. Just ask your "hubby".

You owe fealty and if you were my friend, I would tell you to pay that debt

for He knows what you have done. He is coming.

You know, the thing with vampires is, you all think you're the life of the party?

But actually, you're all a bunch of high maintenance whiny-ass

dirt-stinking, blood-sucking buzz-kills.

And your lipstick's always kind of janky cos of your weird oral fixation.

Jolene...

Waverly? Waverly.

Hey. Woo, karaoke night.

Is your bar totally busted?

Oh, no, thanks to you.

Do you know anything about a ring? A ring that may have been Bulshar's?

Um, Nicole does.

Alright, I will bite.

Why, pray tell, are you crying? Again?

Because everything?

I... think Nicole just dumped me and I don't even blame her.

I yelled at Wynonna.

Mama's going to go back to jail and I feel like it's all my fault?

She said the demon came when I was born.

When you were born.

Wait...

Are you saying...

The demon. Is it me?

You know, it would make sense.

You are not the same as the rest and Bobo said you were his kin...

Plus... you got a real vicious streak. Just ask Jolene.

Hello, beautiful. - I'm just waiting for Waverly.

We got into this huge fight and I don't know why I said half the things that I said.

I see you. You spend your life rescuing others.

What about you? - What are you doing?

Whatever I want...

Are you even gay?

I'm whatever you want me to be.

And everything that she's not.

I love Waverly.

No you don't. - Yes I do, I love her.

And you... I don't even... I don't even think I like you...

Cagnia mortuus!

Impossible.

I threw this away into the woods.

What is that?

It's Bulshar's ring.

He is risen?

Ma? You awake? - Oh my God I wish I wasn't.

I'm sorry about the mean stuff I said before.

For thinking you were an asshole

the whole time you were sacrificing everything for us.

I'll tell you what I did. I was a mum. You'd have done the same thing.

I did. My little girl.

Alice Michelle.

Alice Michelle?

I sent her away until this curse is gone.

Sounds like you made the right choice.

Feels like shitty shit.

She's lucky.

Can you imagine you and me, toasted on schnapps at the back

of the school nativity play?

"Woohoo! You're one hot Virgin Mary, Earp!"

I just...

still can't figure out why a demon died like a revenant.

My head feels different. It feels wrong.

Oh. How did Jolene know I love Nanaimo bars?

Just the whiskey passing through?

No, I feel it. I think the demon's still out there.

So is my baby sister.

If it isn't the demon, Waverly.

Randy! Get your khaki butt in here! - Hey! 911! 911!

I saw your name on the board, Michelle Gibson, and I did not believe it...

You didn't recognise these dulcet tones?

Hi, Randy. Now let me the hell out.

You know, on top of you two being in here for public intoxication

there's a state warrant out for your arrest.

Yes. There's also a bastard demon out there trying to kill Waverly right now!

Michelle. Let's not go back to crazy talk like that night you burned down the barn.

Nedley! She's telling the truth. - So let me out, now.

There's only Jolene to look after her. - Who's Jolene?

Jolene. You know. We grew up with her.

Last name? Which family?

I don't know.

Do they live in town? Which concession? You got a phone number?

Everybody's got a phone number.

Demons don't.

Also, do you know who brought in the baking?

- I could use some breakfast... - Put down that tart, Randy!

You're not good.

If you were good, you wouldn't have lost everything.

Are you going to do something right? For once?

My mum would never say this, but she did all this... to protect me

from the dark thing...

You are the dark thing.

The real baby was special, but you're not her.

You're a changeling, the evil that she left behind

that night in the burning barn.

My father was a demon?

You know he is.

You can't cheerlead your way out of this one.

It's too much.

Then do it. End it.

It's the only thing that will make it better.

Do it.

Waverly!

- Officer Haught? You in here? - Waverly.

Waverly. - What about her?

Jolene's the demon.

I was born at the exact same time as you.

Twins? - In a sick sense.

The universe craves balance.

And you came and arrived out of the light

and I... I crawled out of the muck.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Everything good was given to you.

Freedom, flaxen hair, family.

And what did I get?

I got shunned, starved, reviled.

But we're equals now, because nobody loves you either.

Why don't you do it? - Haven't you been listening!

We're linked, you idiot!

Do it, you useless piece of skin.

Wynonna. Wynonna loves me.

Yes, yes, always.

And despite what happened tonight I know that Nicole does too

and, and Doc, and Jeremy...

and Mama.

You're lying to yourself. - No.

You don't bring them a single thing.

I'm here.

I'm here and I stay...

and I love them back...

and I never, never give up on them.

It's my birthright.

Well, this is mine.

I can still fix this. - This is for Nicole.

And this is for making me feel worthless.

You can't kill me without killing yourself!

But she can.

I'm your friend.

You love me!

I love her more.

Goddamn Earps!

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't let the bitch get away.

You slag. What are you doing!

Something I've dreamed about every time you kept me awake in my cell

whispering what you were gonna do to my daughter.

What is that?

It's him. - No...

That was fealty, I swear, the girl was for you.

Bulshar!

Come on, girls. Let's go home.

Even though you were in the thrall of a powerful, super-evil demon

and her unearthly baked goods, you said...

I said that you're the only luscious, funny...

That's good. - ...hot-as-hell baby that I need...

Then she got super pissed, threw me into the dresser

and that's when the ring fell.

And it burned her? - Yeah.

And then she got even more pissed and tossed me into the closet. Ironically.

Hey, hey. She's gone now.

That's what's important, right?

Right.

But the ring coming back to you, that's...

Yeah, kind of a creepy boomerang vibe.

But it kept you safe from her.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes things are so completely nuts...

and you... you seem OK and sane and safe

so I forget to give you the completely-nuts update.

Yeah, you know, how about you just update me later, OK?

Bulshar! I wish to speak to you!

I am done with pity. I am not "play acting" the hero.

I have come with something you desire.

Something I will never relinquish.

And I will never stop fighting for them.

Whatever it takes, I will do.

Even this.

I am Doc Holliday. I do not fear the void.

I spit into the void.

So it seems, Bulshar, we do have an accord.

I may be going to hell... But I will drag you with me.

Ding-dong, anyone home?

Something tells me I'm not getting any more banana liqueur, am I?

Of course, any visit from a sweet Earp...

I came to tell you she ain't coming, and she never will.

Working real hard on keeping my family safe.

And you know what, part of keeping them safe

means keeping them the hell away from you.

Wynonna, I bear news of great joy.

Your sister is blessed.

Her real father. A fella named Julian.

What about him?

He was an angel.

An honest-to-god heavens above angel.