All language subtitles for This.Is.Spinal.Tap

Hello, my name is Marty
Di Bergi. I'm a filmmaker.

I make a lot of commercials.

That little dog that chases the
covered wagon underneath the sink?

That was mine.

In 1966, I went down to
Greenwich Village, New York City,

to a rock club called
The Electric Banana.

Don't look for it,
it's not there anymore.

But that night, I heard a band that for
me redefined the word "rock 'n' roll."

I remember being knocked out by
their exuberance, their raw power

and their punctuality.

That band was Britain's
now legendary Spinal Tap.

Seventeen years
and 15 albums later,

Spinal Tap is
still going strong.

And they've earned a
distinguished place in rock history

as one of
England's loudest bands.

So, in the late fall of 1982,

when I heard that Tap was releasing
a new album called Smell the Glove,

and was planning their first tour of
the United States in almost six years

to promote that album,

well, needless to say, I jumped at
the chance to make the documentary,

the, if you will, rockumentary
that you are about to see.

I wanted to capture the
sights, the sounds, the smells

of a hard-working
rock band on the road.

And I got that.

But I got more.

A lot more.

But, hey,
enough of my yakking.

What do you say?
Let's boogie.

Gives me a lot of energy,
makes me happy.

Heavy metal is deep.
You can get stuff out of it.

The way they dress.
The leather.

Which one is this?
Is this LaGuardia...

No, this is JFK.

Oh, yes.
New York, New York.

Watch it now.
Watch it now!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

It's like you become one
with the guys in the band.

I mean, there's no division,
you just...

The music just unites
people with the players.

Come on and ride, direct
from hell, Spinal Tap!

(SINGING) You're hot
You take all we got

Not a dry seat in the house

Next day
We'll be on our way

But tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight I'm gonna rock you

Yes, tonight I'm gonna rock
you Tonight I'm gonna rock you

Tonight!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

We are Spinal Tap
from the UK!

You must be the USA!

Little girl,
it's a great big world

But there's only one of

Me!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Let's talk a little bit about
the history of the group.

I understand, Nigel, you and
David originally started the band

back in, when was it, 1964?

Before that, we were
in different groups.

I was in a group called The
Creatures, which was a skiffle group.

I was in Lovely Lads.

And then we
looked at each other

and said, well,
we might as well join up.

So we became The Originals. Right.

And we had to change
our name, actually.

Well, there was another group in
the East End called The Originals.

You know, we had to
rename ourselves.

New Originals.
New Originals.

And then they became...
The Regulars.

They changed their name
back to The Regulars.

We thought, well, we could go back to
The Originals, but what's the point?

Then we became The
Thamesmen at that point.

(SINGING) Stop wasting my time

You know what I want

You know what I need

Or maybe you don't

Do I have to come right flat
out and tell you everything?

Gimme some money

Gimme some money

Your first drummer was...

The Peeper.
John "Stumpy" Pepys.

Great, great tall,
blonde geek with glasses.

Good drummer. Great
look, good drummer, yeah.

Good, good drummer.
Fine drummer.

MARTY: What happened to him?

He died. He died in a bizarre
gardening accident some years back.

It's really one of
those things. It was...

The authorities said best
leave it unsolved, really.

And he was replaced by...

DAVID: Stumpy Joe.

Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs.

MARTY: And what happened
to Stumpy Joe?

DEREK: Well, it's not
a very pleasant story.

He's passed on.
He died...

He choked on...

The official explanation
was he choked on vomit.

He passed away.

It was actually
someone else's vomit.

It was ugly.

NIGEL: You know,
there's no real...

They can't prove whose vomit
it was. They don't have...

There's no prints.

...facilities
in Scotland Yard.

There's no way to print
a spectra-photograph.

You can't really
dust for vomit.

Here we go.
Hello.

SoHo, they call this. SoHo.

"So" what?
SoHo.

(ALL CHATTERING)

How are you?
Good to see you.

Ian. Hi, fellas!
How are you doing?

Come over here.

(MOUTHING) I want you to meet everybody.

Bobbi Flekman.

Who's that?
Bobbi Flekman.

Viv! Come over here, everybody.
With the record company?

So... Yes, Bobbi Flekman.

Bobbi, of course,
how are you?

The hostess with
the mostess.

DEREK: We know, we know.

You know, you know.

Hi, handsome,
how are you doing?

All right, listen, I want you
to all meet Sir Denis Eton-Hogg.

Now, he's the head of Polymer. We know.

You, don't talk so much,
just smile a little. Smile.

Oh,
she knows...

Denis, come here!
Come here.

I want you to meet Spinal Tap.
They're our guests of honor.

How very nice to meet you.

Kids, this is
Sir Denis Eton-Hogg.

This is Nigel.

Yeah, this is Nigel.
Hi.

Thanks a lot
for letting us...

Let's go over here, and we'll
all take a picture together.

Where's Christine?
Where's my photographer?

Come over here, honey.
What's your name? Christine?

BOBBI: Okay, right over here.

Good. Good!

He's not into negro music.

No, no, I don't
eat that shit.

Guys, you look great.
I mean, you look fantastic.

You would never know
you were almost 40.

I mean,
if I looked this good...

And from the stage, too,
it's amazing.

I did the Bird.
Do the Dead Bird.

Change this, get the dwarf
cannolis, the little ones.

All right. I did the Bird.
Come on! Don't talk back.

Mime is money. Let's go!
Come on, move it!

Now, we here at Polymer,
we're all looking forward

to a long and fruitful
relationship with Spinal Tap.

We wish them great success
on their North American tour.

And so say all of us,
"Tap into America!"

(ALL CHEERING)

ARNIE: Excuse me,
are you reading Yes I Can?

Yeah, have you read it?

Yeah, by Sammy Davis Jr.?

WOMAN: Yeah.

You know what the title
of that book should be?

Yes, I Can, if Frank
Sinatra Says It's Okay.

(MARTY LAUGHING)

'Cause Frank calls the
shots for all those guys.

Did you get to the part yet where
Sammy's coming out of the Copa,

and it's about 3:00 in the
morning, and he sees Frank?

Frank's walking down
Broadway by himself...

Fucking limeys.

Well, they're not
used to that world.

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know.

Frank Sinatra. It's a
different world that they're in.

It's just,
people like this,

they get all they want,

so they don't really understand
about a life like Frank's.

I mean, when you've loved
and lost the way Frank has,

then you know
what life's about.

The Times may even do
something. NIGEL: Really?

DAVID: The New York Times?
The New York Times.

The bump we've got to iron out here
is when do we get the album released?

I mean, it doesn't matter how good
the press is or what the stringers...

IAN: As I explained
last night,

we're not gonna saturate
the New York market.

Now, Philly, now that's
a real rock 'n' roll town.

DAVID: Oh,
Philly's a great town.

Be assured that the
album will be available

all through the Philadelphia
metropolitan area.

DAVID: So you are
hitting that market.

We're certainly doing...

I'm doing everything I can.

You know that
we're not blaming you.

But you don't feel that these
guys have an effect on an audience.

I mean, kids go to their
concert, they have a great time...

But it's a passing thing.
It's...

I mean, I would never tell
them this, but this is a fad.

(PLAYING BIG BOTTOM)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(SINGING) The bigger the
cushion, the sweeter the pushin'

That's what I said

The looser the waistband,
the deeper the quicksand

Or so I have read

My baby fits me
like a flesh tuxedo

I like to sink her
with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom

Talk about bum cakes,
my girl's got 'em

Big bottom,
drive me out of my mind

How could I leave this behind?

I met her on Monday

It was my lucky bun day

You know what I mean

I love her each weekday

Each velvety cheek day

You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded
and she's in my sights

Big game is waiting there
inside her tights, yeah!

Big bottom, big bottom

Talk about mud flaps,
my girl's got 'em

Big bottom,
drive me out of my mind

How could I leave this behind?

Let's talk about your
reviews a little bit.

Regarding
Intravenus de Milo,

"This tasteless cover
is a good indication

"of the lack of
musical invention within.

"The musical growth rate of
this band cannot even be charted.

"They're treading water in a sea of
retarded sexuality and bad poetry."

That's nitpicking,
isn't it?

MARTY: The Gospel
According To Spinal Tap.

"This pretentious, ponderous
collection of religious rock psalms

"is enough to prompt
the question,

"'What day did
the Lord create Spinal Tap,

"'and couldn't he have
rested on that day, too?"'

I never heard that one. That's
a good one. That's a good one.

The review you had
on Shark Sandwich,

which was merely
a two-word review,

it just said,
"Shit sandwich."

(CHUCKLING)

DEREK: Where'd they print
that? Who printed that?

That's not real, is it?
DEREK: You can't print that.

DAVID: You know, all those arguments
about touring or not touring,

and all that, I mean, it's
obvious, we belong on tour.

You know, it's a great idea.
MARTY: I couldn't agree more.

You know all that stuff
about you being too old

and you being too white...
DEREK: Yeah.

But what about
the album, Ian?

Well, that's
the real problem...

There's beginning
to be a refrain here.

You know, there's no way to promote
something that doesn't exist,

you know?

It's a very
unimportant reason.

It's just that they're just
experimenting with a...

With some new
packaging materials.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Right, let me get the door.

What kind of experimenting? They
got monkeys opening it or what?

The other thing is that the
Boston gig has been canceled.

DAVID: What?
Yeah.

I wouldn't worry about it, though,
it's not a big college town.

Hey, I heard you boys had an
album coming out right now?

DAVID: Yeah, it's Smell the
Glove. It should be out now...

Smell the Glove?
Smell the Glove, yeah.

It's a provocative title.
I love it.

Wait till you see the cover,
wait till you see the cover.

Very provocative indeed.

IAN: Bobbi, can I tear
you away from all this?

Do you have a drink?

No, I don't...
I don't really need one.

But, listen, I really do
have to talk to you a bit

about this whole
issue of the...

Ian, just tell me
whatever's on your mind.

The issue of the cover.

Yeah?
Um...

We... I mean, we feel,
and it seems to be facts,

that the company is rather down
on the cover. Is that the case?

Yes. You can give it to
me straight, you know.

Listen, they don't
like the cover.

They don't like the cover.
That's certainly straight.

They find it very offensive
and very sexist.

Well, what exactly
do you find offensive?

Ian, you put a greased, naked
woman... I mean, what's offensive?

...on all fours...
Yes.

...with a dog collar around
her neck... With a dog collar.

...and a leash...
And a leash.

...and a man's arm,
extended out,

up to here,
holding on to the leash

and pushing a black glove
in her face to sniff it.

You don't find that
offensive? No, I don't.

You don't find that sexist?

This is 1982, Bobbi,
come on.

That's right, it's 1982.
Get out of the '60s.

We don't have this mentality
anymore. Listen to me.

Well, you should've seen
the cover they wanted to do.

I don't care... It wasn't
a glove, believe me.

See, now this is
something, Ian,

that you're going to have
to talk to your boys about.

We're certainly not
laying down any conditions.

And I don't think
a sexy cover is the answer

for why an album sells
or doesn't sell.

Because, you tell me, The
White Album, what was that?

There was nothing on
that goddamn cover.

(PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me, the phone's ringing. Sure.

Ian, we'll talk
about this after.

Okay, right, love.

Hello?

Hi, Denis.

Uh-oh.

Okay. Why don't you tell him?

Okay, hold on one minute.

Ian?

It's Eaton-Hogg.
He wants to talk to you.

Okay. Thank you, darling.

You're welcome, dear.

Hello, Sir Denis?

Hi, how are you?

Oh!

Fucking old poofter!

But it's really not that
offensive, Sir Denis, come on.

Okay. I'll call you absolutely
first thing in the morning.

Oh, shit!

They're not going
to release the album,

because they have decided
that the cover is sexist.

NIGEL: Well, so what?
DEREK: Yeah.

What's wrong with being sexy?
I mean, there's no...

Sexist!
"Ist."

They wanted sexy. Okay, listen,
I wanted to tell you this,

and I was holding back,

because I didn't know what
Denis' decision was going to be.

But, at this point, both
Sears and Kmart stores have

refused to
handle the album.

They're boycotting the album
only because of the cover.

If the first album
was a hit...

If a company's
behind an album,

it can shove it
right down their throats.

Money talks and
bullshit walks.

And if the first
album was a hit,

then we could've
pressed on them,

then we could've told them,

"Yes, let's..."
The music, every cut,

on this album is a hit. I don't
give a shit what the album...

It's a matter of
compromise. It was a joke.

And they're making it a big deal.
Yeah, that's it. That's true.

You know, if we were
serious, and we said,

"Yes, she should be forced
to smell the glove,"

then you'd have a point, you know,
but it's all a joke, isn't it?

I mean, it's making fun...
Well, it is and it isn't.

We're making fun of
that sort of thing.

She should be made
to smell it, you know?

DAVID: Not, you know, over
and over again, of course.

Listen, the thing is, we can
probably work something out.

I'll talk to Denis and maybe we
can come up with a compromise.

A new design concept
that we can all live with.

You guys were schoolmates?

We don't... We're not
university material.

What's that on your finger?
It's my gum.

What are you doing
with it on your finger?

I might need it later.

Put it on the table,
that's terrible.

I might forget
it on the table.

How old were you guys when you
met? I can't take him anywhere.

NIGEL: About eight years old.
Eight or nine.

DAVID: You were eight
and I was seven.

That's right, yeah.

MARTY: Do you remember the first song
that you guys ever wrote together?

All The Way Home,
probably.

Yeah.
All The Way Home?

Yeah. Can you remember
a little bit of it?

I'd love to hear it.
Christ.

With some black coffee
maybe we could do it.

How does it go?

(HUMMING)

BOTH: (SINGING) I was standing
there beside the railroad track

(HUMMING)

And I'm waiting for that
train to bring you back

Bring you back

(BOTH MUMBLING)

If she's not on the 5:19, then
I'm gonna know what sorrow means

And I'm gonna cry, cry, cry
All the way home

All the way home

All the way home
All the way home

(CLEARING THROAT)

Cry, cry, cry
all the way home...

It's fairly simple. It's about six
words in the whole song, you know.

We just repeat them over
and over again. Yeah.

Let's talk about
your music today.

One thing that puzzles me is
the make-up of your audience

seems to be, predominantly,
young boys.

Well, it's
a sexual thing, really.

Aside from the identifying
that boys do with us,

there's also like
a reaction to the female...

Of the female to our music.

What was the way... Yeah.

Really, they're
quite fearful.

That's my theory.

They see us on stage,
with tight trousers.

We've got, you know,
armadillos in our trousers.

I mean, it's really quite
frightening, the size.

Yeah.

And they run screaming.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Ian, can I have a word
with you for a minute?

Yes, of course.

Listen, we have problems...

What?

...with the arrangements
backstage.

What exactly?
What, I mean...

Well, no, there's
some problems here.

I don't even know
where to start.

All right, this... No,
no, no. Sound check? What?

This, this... Look, there's
a little problem with the...

Look, this miniature bread,

it's, like, I've been working with
this now for about half an hour.

I can't figure out... Let's
say I want a bite, right?

I got this...
You'd like bigger bread?

Exactly. I don't
understand how...

You could just
fold this, though.

Well, no, then it's half the
size. I mean, you could fold it.

No, not the bread.
You just fold the meat.

Yeah, but then
it breaks apart.

No, no, no.

You put it on the bread
like this, see?

But then if you keep folding
it, it keeps breaking...

But why would you
keep folding it?

...and everything has to be
folded, and then it's this.

And I don't want this,
I want large bread,

so that I can put this...

Right.

...so then it's like this.
But this doesn't work,

because then it's all...

Because it hangs out
like that.

Look, would you be
holding this?

No, I wouldn't want to
put that in my mouth.

All right, A. Exhibit A.
No, you're right.

And then we move onto this.
Look. Who's in here? No one.

And then in here,
there's a little guy. Look.

So it's a complete
catastrophe!

No, you're right.
Nigel, Nigel...

But calm down. Calm down.

Calm... No, it's no big deal.

It's a joke, really.
I'm sorry.

It's just some cracker
university, you know?

No, it's a joke.
No, I really...

I don't want it to affect
your performance. All right?

It's not going to
affect my performance.

Don't worry about it,
all right?

I just hate it, really.

It does disturb me.
It won't happen again.

But I'll rise above it,
I'm a professional.

(PLAYING HELL HOLE)

(SINGING)
It's better in a hell hole

You know where you
stand in a hell hole

Folks lend a hand
in a hell hole

Girl, get me back
to my hell hole

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

MAN: Do Stonehenge!

Do you actually
play all these, or...

Well, I play them
and I cherish them.

This is at the top of the heap, right
here. There's no question about it.

Look at the flame on that
one. I mean, it's just...

It's quite unbelievable.

This one is just perfect.
1959, you cannot...

How much... Listen,
just listen for a minute.

The sustain, listen to it.

I'm not hearing anything.

You would, though,
if it were playing,

because it really is
famous for its sustain.

You can just hold it...

So you'd have to play...

(VOCALIZING)

You can go and
have a bite and...

(VOCALIZING)

You'd still be
hearing that one.

Can you hold this a sec?
Sure.

This one... This, of course,
is a custom three-pickup Paul.

This is my radio unit.

So I strap this piece on, right
down in here when I'm on stage.

It's a wireless.
Wireless, exactly.

And I can play without
all the mucky-muck.

You can run anywhere on
stage with that. Exactly.

Now, this is special, too.
Look. See?

Still got the old tagger on
it, see? Never even played it.

You just bought it?
Don't touch it!

Don't touch it. No one...
I wasn't gonna touch it.

No. Don't touch it.
I was just pointing at it.

Well, don't point, even.
Don't even point?

No. It can't be
played. Never.

Can I look at it?

No, you've seen
enough of that one.

This is a top to what we use
on stage, but it's very special,

because if you can see...
Yeah.

...the numbers all go to 11.

Look, right across
the board, 11, 11, 11...

And most of these
amps go up to 10.

Exactly.

Does that mean it's louder?
Is it any louder?

Well, it's one louder,
isn't it? It's not 10.

You see, most blokes
will be playing at 10.

You're on 10 here, all
the way up, all the way up,

you're on 10 on your guitar,
where can you go from there? Where?

I don't know.
Nowhere. Exactly!

What we do is,
if we need that

extra push over the cliff,
you know what we do?

Put it up to 11.
11! Exactly. One louder.

Why don't you just make 10 louder,
and make 10 be the top number,

and make that
a little louder?

These go to 11.

Are you Spinal Tap?

Spinal Tap?
This is Spinal Tap.

Tap, tap, tap, tap.
Welcome to Memphis, gentlemen.

We have a slight problem with your
reservation. Nothing serious, I'm afraid.

How slight?

You wanted
seven suites, yes.

Seven suites.

He mistakenly put you on the
seventh floor, with one suite.

That's considerably
more than minor.

But it's a good size room, sir, it's
a King Leisure. We can get you...

How are we gonna get 14 people
in a King Leisure bed, Tucker?

Don't tempt me, sir. Have a
good time, will you? Take care.

I'll take care of it.

You're welcome, gentlemen. And
very attractive, they are, too.

Listen to me!
Yes, sir.

We want these suites, and
we want them now, okay?

These people are tired.
Yes, we can help you.

We have sound check in an hour.
Reba! Perhaps you can help us.

What's the problem, sir?
Give me a hand, please.

What's the matter? I'll
tell you what's wrong, okay?

This twisted old
fruit here tells me

that you have not
got my reservations.

I'm just as God made me, sir.

What's the difference between
golf and miniature golf?

I think the balls...
The holes are smaller.

Uh-oh! Look out,
here they come.

Duke, Duke!

(GIGGLING)

Can I have your autograph?

DAVID: It's Duke Fame!
It's Duke Fame.

Duke! Duke.

It's okay, we know him.
Spinal Tap.

David St. Hubbins,
Spinal Tap.

Derek Smalls, Spinal Tap.
Nigel...

We gotta get going...

Listen, where are
you playing in town?

You playing here?
We're doing the...

Enormodome, whatever
it is, it's terrific.

Yeah, big place, outside of
town. Sold it out. Very nice.

That's a big place.
You sold it out?

What's that?
20,000 seats?

We really should run,
you know...

Good heavens!
How are you, Laddy?

Great to see you, Ter.

Terrific to see you.
Liam!

Ian. Ian.
Ian, yeah.

Listen, we'd love to
stand around and chat,

but we gotta sit down in the
lobby and wait for the limo.

Okay. Duke, great to see you.
Catch up with you on the road.

Great to see you again,
Terry. Yeah, cheers!

Best of luck.
NIGEL: Duke!

DEREK: We'll catch up
at your house, maybe.

NIGEL: Great! Great!
Great to see you.

See you. See you, Duke.
Good days, good days.

Wanker.
NIGEL: What a wanker.

What a wanker.
DEREK: No-talent sod.

He's got this much talent.
This much, if he's lucky.

DEREK: We carried him.

We had to apologize
for him with our set.

That's right.

People were still
booing him when we went on.

It's all bull.
It's all hype.

We got our rooms.
Big fat suites.

Can I ask you something?

Have you seen Duke Fame's
current album?

Um... Yes, yes.

Have you seen the cover?

No, I don't think I have.

It's a rather lurid cover.

I mean, it's like
naked women, and...

He's tied down to this table,
and they've got these whips,

and they're all
semi-nude... Knocking on him.

And it's like... It's much
worse... What's the point?

Well, the point is that it's
much worse than Smell the Glove.

He releases that,
and he's number three!

Because he's the victim.

Their objections were that
she was the victim, you see.

Oh.
Oh.

That's all right. If the singer's the
victim, it's different. It's not sexist.

He did a twist on it.

DEREK: He did,
he turned it around.

We should have thought
of that. We were so close.

If we had all you guys tied up,
that probably would have been fine.

DEREK: But it's still
a stupid cover.

It's such a fine line
between stupid and clever.

Yeah, just that
little turnabout.

I have a small
piece of bad news.

Although, it may not be that
bad. DAVID: For a change.

We're canceled here.

DAVID: At the hotel?

No, we're canceled.
The gig is canceled.

DAVID: Fuck.

It says, "Memphis show canceled
due to lack of advertising funds."

The last time
Tap toured America,

they were booked into 10,000-seat
arenas and 15,000-seat venues.

And it seems that now,
on the current tour,

they're being booked into
1,200-seat arenas, 1,500-seat arenas,

and I was just wondering, does this mean
the popularity of the group is waning?

Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no.

No, not at all.
I just think that

their appeal is
becoming more selective.

Ah.

Now, I notice this here, you
got this cricket bat here.

Yes.
Do you play?

No, I carry this
partly out of...

I don't know, sort of...

I suppose,
what's the word?

Affectation?

Yes, I mean, it's a kind of
totemistic thing, you know?

But, to be quite frank
with you,

it's come in useful
on a couple situations.

Certainly, in the topsy-turvy
world of heavy rock,

having a good solid piece of wood
in your hand is quite often useful.

I miss you, too, darling.

Um... Not too well,
actually.

Well, we've got some
cancellations, that's all.

We got to Memphis and
there's no gig in Memphis,

and we find out this
promoter in the Midwest

has pulled out
St. Louis and Kansas City

and Des Moines.

I don't know, it's in
Indiana or something.

I thought...

Don't tease me.

That's not until
April. Great!

We'll do it!
Oh, fucking great.

Milwaukee.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I have no idea. You might have
to take a plane to New York,

and then go to
Milwaukee from there.

Oh, God, I love you, too.
Okay, bye.

(SIGHING IN RELIEF)

Well, my problems
are solved, mate.

Who's that?

Was Jeanine, she's
gonna come meet us.

She was supposed to do this window
layout for Neil Kite's boutique.

But it's not
until April!

Is she coming to drop some stuff
off? You know, and going right back?

No, no. She's coming on her
own. She's gonna travel with us.

She's gonna go on
the road with us.

MAN: Turn it up.
Turn it up!

She says she can hear that I'm
eating too much sugar on the phone.

She says my larynx is fat.

You might want
to come next door.

The radio is playing
a bit of your past.

You happy for me?

(EXCLAIMING HAPPILY)

I don't believe it!

DAVID: (SINGING ON RADIO)
...cups and cakes

I'm so full my tummy aches

How sad it must end
But I'm glad I have a friend

Sharing cups
and cakes with me

And cakes with me

MAN 1: Sounds good.
MAN 2: Yeah?

MAN ON RADIO: Oh, yeah!

Going all the way
back to 1965, that one.

Doesn't it feel good?

With The Thamesmen
and Cups and Cakes.

DEREK: You're an oldie!

Of course, The Thamesmen later
changed their name to Spinal Tap.

They had a couple
of nice size hits.

They're currently residing in
the "Where Are They Now" file.

Johnny Q with you on Golden
106, and right after we...

DEREK: Fuck you.

DAVID: I'm not really sure
this was such a great idea.

I mean, I don't feel any
better than I did at the hotel.

He was going to do a TV special
from here, before he died.

Yeah, that's right, the musical
version of Somebody Up There Likes Me.

(DAVID SIGHS)

DAVID: (SINGING)
Well, since my baby left me

I found a new place to dwell

Well, it's down at
the end of Lonely Street

At Heartbreak Hotel

Do it with the
harmony parts.

All right.

Well, since my baby left me...
Since my baby...

The same key,
though, I think.

Well, since my baby left me
Since my baby left me

If I'm going...

Since my baby left me

Left me

Me

No, you can't
hit that note.

Since my...

Since my baby left me
Since my baby left me

Well, I found
a new place to dwell

That's all right.
Not really, not really.

Voice down.
Well, it sounds raga.

You don't want to
go raga on this.

No, not with this, it don't. It does.

Well, since my baby left me

It sounds fucking
barbershop. Don't... Hey.

Barbershop raga.

Watch the...
Watch the language.

You're paying homage to
the King. A new hybrid.

Sorry.

DAVID: (SIGHING) This is
thoroughly depressing.

It really puts perspective
on things, though, doesn't it?

Too much. There's too much
fucking perspective now.

In 1967, you...

That was the first time
Spinal Tap came into existence.

Well, the whole world was
changing in those days.

And also we had
the world's ear...

We were changing
the world.

...because we had just released
an enormous-selling single.

(Listen to the) Flower
People. Flower People.

We toured the world,
we toured the States...

DEREK: We toured the world
and elsewhere.

It was a dream come true.

(SINGING) Listen

To what the flower people say

(ALL VOCALIZING)

Listen, it's getting
louder every day

(SHUSHING) Listen, it's
like a bolt out of the blue

(ALL VOCALIZING)

Listen, it could be
calling now for you

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOUTHING)

MARTY: Now during the Flower
People period, who was your drummer?

Stumpy's replacement,
Peter "James" Bond,

he also died in
mysterious circumstances.

We were playing a...

Festival.

...jazz-blues festival.
Where was that?

NIGEL: Blues-jazz, really.
DEREK: Blues-jazz festival.

It was the Isle...
It was in the Isle of...

Isle of Lucy.
Isle of Lucy.

The Isle of Lucy Jazz-Blues
Festival. Isle of Lucy.

And it was tragic, really.
He exploded on stage.

(DAVID SNAPS FINGERS)
DAVID: Just like that.

DEREK: He just went up.

He just was like a flash of green light,

and that was it.
Nothing was left.

DAVID: Look at his face.
Well, there was.

It's true, this really
did happen. It's true.

There was a little green
globule on his drum seat.

DAVID: Like a
stain, really.

NIGEL: It was more of a stain
than a globule, actually, and...

You know, several... You
know, dozens of people

spontaneously
combust each year.

It's just not really widely reported.

Right.

(PLAYING)

Testing.
Hello, hello.

Test, test, test. This is mic
number one. This is mic number one.

Isn't this
a lot of fun?

Two, two.
Okay, got the mics.

Let's do GSM,
all right? GSM.

DAVID: (SINGING)
Stop wasting my time

You know what I want

You know what I need

Or maybe you don't

Do I have to come right smack
damn out and tell you everything?

Gimme some money

Gimme some money

Oh, yeah!

JEANINE: Hello, darling.

Hello, I've got a
surprise for you.

DAVID: Hey! Where'd
you come from?

Where do you
think I came from?

Bloody airplane,
didn't I? Right?

(LAUGHS)

DEREK: David. David.
David. David.

JEANINE: Feels good. I've been wanting
to do that for the longest time.

Want me to carry
you about with me?

What's all this?
What? Tell me.

That's the film crew.

I told you about this.
It's the film crew. Martin?

Hi, Martin.
This is Jeanine.

Hello.
MARTY: Hello.

Here it is! It's
Visitors' Day, isn't it?

Here it is, lads!

We better turn to...

Smell the Glove,
me old beauties!

MAN: Oh, really?

Gather around.
Where's David?

Come on, Ian,
you're kidding.

David. David,
get up here!

DEREK ON PA: David, Smell the
Glove is here. Hello, Jeanine.

IAN: The moment we've all
been waiting for.

I thought
I'd never see it.

IAN: Here we go. I never
thought I'd live to see the day.

Plenty for everybody.

Wait a minute.
A little fanfare.

What do you think?

Is this the
test pressing?

No, this is it.
Yes, that's right.

This is Smell the Glove
by Spinal Tap?

When you go to the store...
That's Smell the Glove.

That's the jacket cover that's going
out across the country in every store.

Is this the compromise you made? Yes.

Is it going to say anything
here or along the spine?

It doesn't even say anything?
It's not going to say anything.

It's just going to be all
black? It's going to be that,

simple, beautiful,
classic.

Does look like, you know, black leather.

You can see yourself
in both sides.

DAVID: I wouldn't
feel so bad...

DEREK: It's like a black
mirror. Yeah, it is.

Well, I think it
looks like death.

It looks like mourning.
I mean, it looks...

David, David, every movie in
every cinema is about death.

Death sells!

I think he's right,
there's something about this

that's so black, it's like, "How
much more black could this be?"

And the answer is,
"None, none more black."

I think you're, like,
rationalizing this whole thing

into something that
you did on purpose.

I think we're stuck
with a very, very stupid

and a very
dismal-looking album.

This is depressing!

This is something you
wear around your arm,

you don't put this on
your fucking turntable.

NIGEL: David, it's a choice.

I frankly think that this
is the turning point, okay?

I think this is...
We're on our way now.

It's time to kick ass!
DAVID: I agree, I agree.

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(DRUMS PLAYING)

(SHOUTS)

(SINGING) When there
was darkness

And the void was king
and ruled the elements

When there was silence and
the hush was almost deafening

Out of the emptiness

NIGEL: Salvation

Salvation

Rhythm and light and sound

'Twas the rock 'n' roll
creation

'Twas a terrible big bang

'Twas the ultimate mutation

Yin was searching
for his yang

And he looked and he
saw that it was good

(LAUGHS)

I look to the stars
and the answer is clear

I look in the mirror
and see what I fear

(INAUDIBLE)

'Tis the rock 'n' roll
creation

'Tis the absolute rebirth

'Tis the rolling of the ocean

And the rocking
of the earth

And I looked and I
saw that it was good

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Given the history of Spinal
Tap drummers in the past,

do you have any
fears for your life?

When I did join, you know,
they did tell me.

They kind of took
me aside and said,

"Well, Mick, you know,
it's like this."

And it did kind of
freak me out a bit,

but it can't always
happen to... Can it?

Right. Right.

I mean, really.
The law of averages says...

The law of averages.

It says you will survive. Yeah.

VIV: Whoa.

Quite exciting. Quite
exciting, this computer magic.

Whee!

IAN: How many planets
have you destroyed, Viv?

Well, fourth or fifth time round,
I think. We're doing really five.

Few galaxies gone,
you know...

Don't.

This is Cindy's
first mustache.

DAVID: Is it?

(GROUP EXCLAIMING)

Can I take it off now?

Why? Too hot in it?

No, it's...

I thought I might
go back to see

what they were up to
back there, you know.

Don't think they really
need to see this

until you're finished
with it, you know.

Well, you were reading.
You can read here.

Yeah, but they got the new game
back there. Thought I'd maybe...

Thought I'd have a look at the new game.

It's like
a submarine thing.

You've got all this
stuff all over you again.

DAVID: Before I met Jeanine, my
life was cosmically in shambles.

It was... I was using
bits and pieces

of whatever
Eastern philosophies

happened to drift
through my transom.

And she sort of sorted it out for
me, straightened it out for me.

Gave me a path, you know,
a path to follow.

MARTY: I wonder if you have as much
influence over his musical expression.

Oh, yeah. I mean,
I listen to him

when he's experimenting
and things like that.

Don't I, doll?

He plays things
to me sometimes

when he's got a new bit that he
wants to tell me about, you know,

and I say, "Yeah, that's
good," or, "That's bad,"

or, "That's shit,"
or whatever.

DAVID: (LAUGHING) Yeah.
JEANINE: You know.

Yes, she's very honest,
she's brutally frank.

MARTY: Well, how does that go
over with the other band members?

I mean, you...

Well, what happens is, she gives
me the brutally frank version,

and I sort of tart
it up for them.

Yeah.

And of course it's so strange
because Nigel and Jeanine

are so similar in so many
ways, but they just can't...

They don't dislike
each other at all. No.

There's a great love
between the two of them.

Oh, yes.

But there's some sort of communication

that's just not... It's
just blocked or something.

(PLAYING MELLOW TUNE)

It's pretty.

Yeah, I like it.

Just been fooling about
with it for a few months now.

Very delicate.

It's a bit of
a departure

from the kind of thing
you normally play.

Yeah, well, it's part
of a trilogy, really,

a musical trilogy
that I'm doing,

in D minor,
which I always find

is really the saddest
of all keys.

Really. I don't know why, but it makes
people weep instantly, to play a...

(PLAYING MELANCHOLY TUNE)

(IMITATES HORN BLOWING)

It's a horn part.

It's very pretty.

You know, just simple
lines intertwining.

You know, very much like... I'm
really influenced by Mozart and Bach,

and it's sort of in
between, though,

it's like a Mach
piece, really.

What do you
call this?

Well, this piece is
called Lick My Love Pump.

MAN ON PA: Midwest
Airlines, Flight 406...

(METAL DETECTOR BEEPING)

Excuse me, sir. Do you have any
metal objects in your pockets?

Yeah. Take them out and put them

in the bucket.
Right.

Coins, keys.

Tuning fork.

Musician. I like to stay in
tune, you know? There you go.

Be a moment.

(METAL DETECTOR BEEPS)

Okay. Could you take
this jacket off, please?

Oh, it's the zipper
setting off the machine.

DAVID: Let's go, then.
Let's go, hurry up.

(METAL DETECTOR BEEPS)

Step over here,
please.

DAVID: Troublemaker.

Raise your arms.

MAN ON PA:... scheduled
for departure at Gate 12

has been delayed
approximately 20 minutes.

(BEEPING)

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

Do you have any
artificial plates or limbs?

Not really, no.

Would you...

MICK: Yeah, do it.

(GROUP LAUGHING)

Nice!

(DRUMS PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(SINGING) I don't need a
woman I won't take me no wife

I got the rock 'n' roll
And that'll be my life

No page in history, baby
That, I don't need

I just wanna make
some eardrums bleed

Heavy
Heavy

Duty
Duty

Heavy duty rock 'n' roll

Heavy
Heavy

Duty
Duty

Brings out the
duty in my soul

(PLAYING CLASSICALLY-INSPIRED
MUSIC)

Hi. Artie Fufkin.

NIGEL: Hey, Artie. ARTIE:
Polymer Records. How are you?

Hey, how you doing?
You are...

Derek.
Derek.

Artie Fufkin,
Polymer Records.

Hello, Artie. How are
you? I'm your promo man

here in Chicago. Nice to
meet you. Well, that's great.

I love you guys.
And of course, Nigel.

Nigel.

I love you. Nigel Tufnel. Right.

I love your stuff. I
go back with you guys.

Boy, do I... Artie
Fufkin, Polymer Records.

I love you. And who are you, darling?

Oh, this is my special
new friend, Cindy.

Hello, Cindy.

And this is Belinda.
Hello, Belinda.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records, promo.

And I... Oh, what's
going on here? Hi.

NIGEL: Oh, they're
making a...

Hi, guys. Artie Fufkin,
Polymer Records.

Nice to see you.

And where is David?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, David, hi.

Artie Fufkin. How are you?

It's nice to see you.

We've got something
exciting happening tomorrow.

All right, the food.
The food.

Oh, thank God. Civilization!
Where do I put this?

(DEREK SIGHING)

(DEREK SNIFFING)

(DEREK COUGHS)

What are you
doing to me here?

I'm not doing anything. I thought
we had a relationship here.

I don't know
what happened.

Business is terrible,
Artie.

What can I tell you?
This is the truth.

I know business
is terrible,

but what happens
with the record store

with a promotion
and nobody shows up?

This isn't a personal
thing, Artie.

Nobody's coming to the
store... Forget personal thing.

We had a relationship here. Forget about
personal, what about our relationship?

I feel like a schlub, and I
don't know what's happening.

It's me. That's
what's happening.

It's me. I did it.
It's my fault.

I know.

We were told "massive radio support."

We did. We did massive, we did
massive. Sponsoring, vast...

We saturated.
We oversaturated.

DAVID: They said
vast radio support.

That's what it is. It's
me. I did it. I fucked up.

I fucked up the timing, that's
all. I fucked up the timing.

I got no timing, I got no
timing. I got no timing.

You know what I want you to do?
Will you do something for me?

What?
Do me a favor.

Just kick my
ass, okay?

Kick this ass for
a man, that's all.

Kick my ass!
No.

Enjoy! Come on.
I'm not asking,

I'm telling with this.
Kick my ass.

(ALL CHEERING)

(STRUMMING)

DEREK: Well, we've kept them waiting
long enough. Let's do it to them.

DAVID: Come on, Mick!

(DAVID KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Let's go, Mr. Shrimpton.

Rock 'n' roll!

MAN: Let's hear some
rock 'n' roll!

Rock 'n' roll!
Let's go, then.

Yeah, mate.

It's gonna be a hot one, isn't it?

DAVID: It's gonna
be a great show.

No, it's not an exit.
It's not an exit.

Don't want an exit.
No, that's true.

Oh, this way.
Hope so.

Yeah, this way, let's
go. Probably this way.

(HUMMING)

Wait. DEREK: This
looks familiar, though.

Listen.
Really does.

(ALL CHANTING)

DAVID: Shit.

That way.

Let's not lose it, now.
Let's not lose it.

Where the fuck is Ian?
You know, he should be here.

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

We gotta get to it
some way.

We've been on stage, right?

We're in the group.

DAVID: We're in the group
that's playing tonight.

You go right straight
through this door here,

down the hall,
turn right,

and then there's a little
jog there, about 30 feet.

Jog to the... We don't
have time for that.

Go straight ahead. We'll
trust you, we'll trust you.

Turn right the next two
corners, and first door, a sign,

"Authorized
Personnel Only,"

open that door.
That's the stage.

You think so?
You're authorized.

You're musicians, aren't
you? We've got the guitars.

Exactly. Thank you, thank you very much.

Rock 'n' roll!

Rock 'n' roll!
Yeah!

Let's get it,
let's get it!

No, he said this way.

Straight here. Rock 'n' roll!
Here we go! Rock 'n' roll!

Hello, Cleveland!
Hello, Cleveland!

NIGEL: Let's go in.

Fuck!

You must have
made a wrong turn.

We've got to
go another way.

Other way.
Other way. Other way.

DAVID: I hate to keep
harping on this,

but I think that the notion of a
black album has really cursed us.

IAN: Believe me, we're getting some
very substantial reports of air play.

I don't think we have
to worry about that.

You know, it might
have been better

if the album had
been mixed right.

Well, there's no use
crying over that.

Of course, that's true.
I mean...

Well, it
just wasn't...

It was mixed all wrong,
wasn't it?

It was mixed wrong?
Yeah.

Were you there? How do you
know... You couldn't hear...

DAVID: She's heard the record.
No, but I've heard the album.

So your judgment is
it was mixed wrong.

You couldn't hear
the lyrics on all of it.

DAVID: You don't agree that
you can't hear the vocals?

NIGEL: No,
I do not agree. No.

Well, I think maybe it's interesting
that she's bringing it up.

Well, she'd like
to hear vocals.

It's like me saying,
you know,

"You're using the wrong
conditioner for your hair."

DAVID: Don't be
stupid now.

It looks sort of frizzy.

JEANINE: You don't do heavy metal
in Doubly, you know. You mix it.

In what? In what?

What?
IAN: (LAUGHING) Dolby.

In Doubly.
I mean, you can't...

NIGEL: In Dublin? What's that?
DAVID: She means Dolby, all right?

She means Dolby. You know
perfectly well what she means.

DAVID: We shan't
recover from this one.

We shan't recover
from this one.

Come on.

Can I have the floor
for just one moment?

Because I've got something
I'd like to show you.

Jeanine's been working
on these very hard.

These are
a new direction...

JEANINE: Got a new idea
for a new presentation.

DAVID:... for the stage
look of the band.

The signs of the zodiac for everyone.

I thought we needed a new presentation.
It's the signs of the zodiac.

This is a look for Viv.
He's a Libra.

There's the yin-yang...

JEANINE: Yin and the yang.
DAVID:... sort of look.

This is Nigel.
He's a Capricorn.

Sort of a goat look. JEANINE:
We've given you a little beard.

Is this a joke?

DAVID: This is...

Excuse me, is this a joke?

DAVID: Just bear with us
for one moment, please.

This, I love this.
I wish I were the Cancer.

That's attractive.

This is your crab face.

Your brainchild, now.

Give it a chance,
give it a chance.

And this is David...
David's the lion.

Please wait a minute. Have
you any idea what it will cost

to dress up
the band as animals?

Well, they're
not animals.

They're signs of the zodiac.

It's a way
to fight the drabs.

You know,
we've got the drabs.

That's true. I think mine
will look better in Doubly,

if it was done in Doubly.

I'm quite open-minded enough.

DEREK: David.
No, no, David.

You know, there are
solutions to our problems.

I think we know
what they are.

DAVID: I've yet to hear them.
I've yet to hear them.

JEANINE: Since you're all
such geniuses...

We take a rational approach,
we can say...

May I make a suggestion?
I've got one other suggestion.

DAVID: Let's hear yours.
Let's hear your suggestion.

Stonehenge. Stonehenge.

What about it? Best production
value we've ever had on stage.

But we haven't
got the equipment.

We haven't got Stonehenge.
Not yet we don't.

Let's... Please,
please, just a moment.

IAN: We know it works. NIGEL:
Musically, we all know it.

IAN: I don't think
it's a bad idea.

NIGEL: Musically,
we all know it, right?

No problems musically.
We go right on stage,

and it's quite simple.

Ian can take care of this.

DAVID: I know what the
Stonehenge monument looks like.

We don't have that piece
of scenery anymore.

NIGEL: I know,
so we build a new one.

And this it.

Consider it done.

So, you're just gonna
take care of it like that?

You're gonna find someone to
design it, using that as a plan?

Let's try.
Let's try.

If you can do it,
I'll do the number.

Do you feel that,
in collaboration with David,

that you are afforded the opportunity
to express yourself musically

the way you would like to?

Well, I think I do,
in my solos.

My solos are
my trademark.

(PLAYING SINGLE NOTE)

(SOUND INTENSIFIES)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

This looks absolutely
perfect. I mean, it's...

It's the right proportions.
It'll be this color, eh?

Yeah.
That's just terrific.

I mean, it almost looks like
the real thing. You got it.

Yeah. When we get the actual
set, when we get the piece,

it'll follow exactly
these specifications,

even these contours
and everything?

I don't understand, Ian.
The actual piece?

When you build
the actual piece.

But this is what you
asked for, isn't it?

What?

Well, this is the piece.

This is the piece?

Yes.

Are you telling
me that this is it?

This is scenery?

Have you ever
been to Stonehenge?

No, I've never
been to Stonehenge.

The triptychs
are 20-feet high!

You can stand four men up them. Ian!

I was asked to build it...
This is insane!

This isn't a piece of scenery.
...18 inches high. Look, look.

Look, this is what I
was asked to build.

Eighteen inches. Right
here, it specified 18 inches.

I was given this napkin.
I mean...

Forget this!

Fuck the napkin!

(PLAYING STONEHENGE)

(SINGING) In ancient times

Hundreds of years
before the dawn of history

Lived an ancient
race of people

The Druids

No one knows who they were

Or what they were doing

But their legacy remains

Hewn into the living rock
of Stonehenge

(SINGING) Stonehenge,
where the demons dwell

Where the banshees live
and they do live well

Stonehenge,
where a man's a man

And the children
dance to the pipes of Pan

And you, my love,
won't you take my hand?

We'll go back in time
to that mystic land

Where the dewdrops cry
and the cats meow

I will take you there

I will show you how

(SCREAMING)

And, oh, how they danced The
little children of Stonehenge

Beneath the haunted moon

For fear that daybreak
might come too soon

DAVID: I do not, for one, think that
the problem was that the band was down.

I think that
the problem may have been

that there was
a Stonehenge monument

on the stage that was in danger
of being crushed by a dwarf.

All right? That tended to understate
the hugeness of the object.

I really think you're just making
much too big a thing out of it.

Making a big thing out of it
would have been a good idea.

Nigel gave me a drawing that
said 18 inches, all right?

I know he did, and that's
what I'm talking about.

Whether he knows the difference between
feet and inches is not my problem.

I do what I'm told.

But you're not as
confused as him, are you?

I mean, it's not your job to
be as confused as Nigel is.

It's my job to do
what I'm asked to do

by the creative
element of this band.

And that's what I did.

The audience were laughing.

So it became a comedy
number. Yes, it did.

Yes, it fucking well did,
and it was not pleasant

to be part of
the comedy on stage.

Backstage, perhaps
it was very amusing.

Maybe we just fix the
choreography, keep the dwarf clear.

DAVID: What do you mean?
So he won't trod upon it.

I don't think
that's the issue.

I think it's symptomatic that maybe
you're taking on more than you can handle.

It's not exactly the first time
you've messed things up, is it?

DAVID: I mean, there have
been some gaping holes

in the business
end of this...

IAN: Excuse me
for a minute, David.

Excuse me, this is
a band meeting, right?

Are you here for some reason?
DAVID: Don't worry about it.

DAVID: She's with me.
JEANINE: Yeah.

Is she now in the band?
Is she singing backup?

JEANINE: I care what
happens to the band.

David, whenever a single bump or a
ruffle comes into this little fantasy,

adolescent fantasy world you
guys have built around yourself,

you start screaming like a
bunch of poncey hairdressers.

I mean, it's just a problem,
you know? It gets solved.

JEANINE: It doesn't.
You can't live in a bubble.

If it got solved,
that would be all right.

But it doesn't get solved.

What do you think happened out
there? What got solved tonight?

The one thing that goes wrong,
one single thing goes wrong,

100 things go right.

Do you know what I spend
my time doing? What?

I sleep two or
three hours a night.

There's no sex and
drugs for Ian, David.

You know what I do?
I find lost luggage.

I locate mandolin strings
in the middle of Austin!

I pries the rent out of the
local Hebrews. That's what I do.

JEANINE: Maybe you should get
someone else to find the lost luggage,

and you should concentrate
on what's going on onstage.

DAVID: Yes! That's
what we're talking about.

You'd like me to be the
road manager? All bad... No!

All bad... Could we...

What David's trying to say, if
you'll let him get a word through,

is you could maybe
do with some help.

Some help? It's very
simple, it's very simple.

It's that clear.

Maybe there's someone
already in the organization.

We don't have
to pay insurance.

We don't have to
pay extra room, et cetera.

Since she's already here,
she's already among us,

and she can...
IAN: She?

She's perfectly capable
to taking over. She?

Wait a minute! Well, who do
you think I'm talking about?

Who do you think I'm talking
about? I would never have dreamed

in a million years, that it
was her you were talking about.

Why not?

I am offering to help out.

No, you're not
offering to help out.

You're offering to co-manage
the band with me, is that it?

Yes.
Let's get it straight...

DAVID: In so many words,
that is exactly it.

JEANINE: Exactly.

Well, I'm certainly not going
to co-manage with some girl

just because
she's your girlfriend.

His girlfriend, is it?
Don't call her my girlfriend.

IAN: All right, she's not
your girlfriend. I don't know.

You couldn't manage
a classroom full of kids.

I don't know what you're
doing managing the band.

DAVID: Why don't we just...
Shut up!

Look, look. I...
This is my position, okay?

I am not
managing it with you...

Good. ...or any other woman,
especially one who dresses

Like an Australian's
nightmare. So, fuck you.

Well, fuck you, too.
Fuck all of you,

because I quit.
All right?

That's it.
Good night.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(SIGHING)

DEREK: Can I raise a practical
question at this point?

DAVID: Yeah.

Are we gonna do
Stonehenge tomorrow?

No, we're not gonna
fucking do Stonehenge!

Okay, we're all set.
Thank you.

All right, fellas,
I've got the tickets.

We're on the 3:10 flight
at Gate 24.

All right? And this
arrives at 4:00 in Colorado.

Then we got a limo
to take us to the lodge.

DAVID: It's about 100 yards
from Rainbow Trout Studio.

What I've done is to arrange
a whole load of charts.

Wait till you see this.
This is so great.

Now, I know that
the band's sign is Virgo

and, you see it,
Saturn's in the third house,

all right,
and it's a bit rocky.

But because Virgo is one of the most
highly intelligent signs of the zodiac,

we're gonna pull through
this with great aplomb.

Yeah. And has someone not got one?

It's so clear. Really is. Nigel
hasn't got one. Here you go.

It's so clear.
Nigel.

Nigel! I've got pages for
you. I think Nigel has one.

DAVID: He's got one.
He's got it.

JEANINE: If you have
a look at this...

If you think about the jumble
the tour book usually is...

No, he's got one.
He's got one.

He's got one?
All right.

DAVID: And what's all this
on the...

JEANINE: Now, what I want to explain
to you here, is that Denver...

How would you characterize your
relationship with David over the years?

Has it changed in any way?

Not really. I mean, you know, they go...

We've grown up.

But, really, it's not...
No, not really.

We feel like children much of
the time, even when we're playing.

We're closer than brothers.

Brothers always fight.

Sort of disagreements
and all that.

We really have a relationship
that's way, way past that.

(SCREAMING)

He can't play
the fucking guitar anymore.

DEREK ON MIC:
You know the parts.

You did it this morning.
No, he doesn't know the...

If he knew the fucking part,
he'd play it, wouldn't he?

That's it.
DAVID: Are you walking out?

Fuck. I'm not planning on walking out.

Great.
Just tell me

what I'm supposed to do,
all right?

Well, we're supposed to play
the fucking thing, aren't we?

We have no choice.
We spent an hour and half...

Well, I'm doing my part.
...setting up this...

You know what would
make this a lot simpler?

I mean, I hate to
cut right to it here.

Why don't you
play this alone,

without some fucking angel
hanging over your head,

you know what I mean?

DEREK: Jesus Christ.
This is fucking all we need.

You can't fucking concentrate
because of your fucking wife.

Simple as that, all right?

It's your fucking wife.

She's not my wife.

Well, whatever the
fuck she is, all right?

You can't concentrate.

We can't fucking do that
track. This is unbelievable.

This is unbelievable. No,
it's not unbelievable at all.

Will you check me on this?
It all leads up to this.

Am I losing my fucking mind?
It all leads up to this.

Can you check me on this?
Am I losing my mind?

I don't understand what
this has to do with anything.

We're very lucky
in the sense that

we've got two visionaries
in the band.

You know, David and Nigel
are both... MARTY: Right.

...like poets, you know.

Like Shelley or Byron
or people like that.

They're two totally distinct
types of visionaries.

It's like fire and ice,
basically, you see,

and I feel my role
is to, in the band,

is to be kind of
in the middle of that.

Kind of like lukewarm water, in a sense.

Listen, I don't think we've
got time to go to the hotel.

I think you better go
straight to the base.

DEREK: To the what?

VIV: Base?
The gig.

Yeah, to the base. DEREK:
To the Civic Arena, right?

NIGEL: Yeah.
No!

No, that fell through.

DEREK: We had it.
What do you mean?

Wait a second.
Hold it, hold it.

What do you... Do you know about
this and we don't know about this?

What are you talking about?

JEANINE: We're going
to the Air Force base.

Why are we going
to an Air Force base?

'Cause the original gig
fell through.

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Lieutenant Hookstratten?
Hookstratten.

You are Spinal Tarp?

I'm Jeanine Pettibone
and this is Spinal Tap.

Spinal Tap, my mistake.

I'm Lieutenant
Bob Hookstratten.

Welcome to Lindberg
Air Force Base.

Is this your gentlemen's first
visit to a military facility?

ALL: Yeah.
Fine, may I start by saying

how thrilled we are
to have you here?

We are such
fans of your music

and all of your records.
DAVID: That's great.

I'm not speaking
of yours personally,

but the whole genre
of the rock 'n' roll.

DAVID: I understand that.
JEANINE: Yeah.

And so many of
the exciting things

that are happening
in music today.

And let me explain a bit
about what's going on.

This is our monthly
"at-ease weekend."

It gives us a chance
to kind of let down our hair.

(LAUGHING) Although, I see you
all have a head start on that.

These haircuts wouldn't pass
military muster, believe me.

Although,
I shouldn't talk.

My hair's getting
a little shaggy, too.

Better not get
too close to you.

They'll think I'm
part of the band.

I'm joking, of course.

Shall we go in,
and I'll show you around?

HOOKSTRATTEN: Walk this way,
please. Right through here.

Did you ever run into a musical
group, works out of Kansas City,

calls himself Four
Jacks and a Jill?

They've been at a Ramada Inn
there for about 18 months.

If you're ever in Kansas City and
you want to hear some good music,

you might want
to drop by.

I would like to
get the playing on

about 19:00 hours if
that's satisfactory.

When will that be?

I make it now,
it's about 18:30 hours.

So, that's what?
50 hours?

120 hours?

That's actually
about 30 minutes.

About a half hour,
give or take just

a few minutes.
I don't want to rush you.

The idea is if we can get it
on, then we get it over with.

And I have
just one request.

Would you play a couple of
slow numbers so I can dance?

(SINGING)
Working on a sex farm

Plowing through
your bean field

Getting out my pitchfork

Poking your hay

Sex farm woman
I'm gonna mow you down

Sex farm woman
I'll rake and hoe you down

Sex farm woman

Don't you see my silo
rising high? High, high

WOMAN ON RADIO: All units,
re-bay at the airport.

We need to know
your vicinity.

(RADIO INTERFERENCE)

MAN ON RADIO:
...light speed...

...just hitting the bend.
52-49...

Working on a sex farm

WOMAN ON RADIO: But today...

Trying to raise
some hard love

Getting out
my pitchfork

WOMAN ON RADIO: And you
talk to one guy for like...

Poking your hay

WOMAN ON RADIO: Annie and I
are crying about the wire line

on our story, you know...

He totally
ruined the gig, there.

And he walks off
and then, you know...

I mean, he can't be expected
to sit at home and get monies.

We've got to get
someone else in there.

MARTY: Has he ever done
this before? Has he ever...

Well, no, but...
...quit the band before?

Well, no, but it's...

You've got to
understand that, like,

in the world of
rock 'n' roll there are

certain changes
that sometimes occur,

and you've just
got to, sort of,

roll with them, you know.
I mean, this...

You've read...
You read that... You know,

you saw exactly
how many people

have been in this
band over the years.

Thirty-seven people have been
in this band over the years.

I mean, it's like, you know,
six months from now,

I can't see myself missing
Nige any more than I might miss

Ross MacLochness
or Ronnie Pudding

or Denny Upham or
Little Danny Schindler,

any of those, you know.

(STAMMERING)
I can't believe that.

I can't believe that,
you know,

you're lumping Nigel in with

these people you played with
for short periods of time.

Well, I'm sure I'd feel
much worse

if I weren't under
such heavy sedation,

but still, in all, I mean,

you've got to be realistic about
this sort of thing, you know.

So what happens
to the band now?

What do you mean?

Well, this is...
He's not coming back? Or...

No, we shan't
work together again.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

JEANINE: Oh, no.
DAVID: Great.

If I told them once, I
told them a hundred times,

put Spinal Tap first
and puppet show last.

It's a morale builder,
isn't it?

You've got a big dressing
room, though. What?

It's all right. You know,
you've got the big dressing room.

We got a bigger dressing
room than the puppets?

DEREK: The Muppet Show.
That's refreshing.

I've got some of this
Mendocino Rocket Fuel

that's supposed
to be really nice.

Can you play...

Excuse me, Viv.
Can you play a bass line

like Nigel used
to on Big Bottom?

Can you double that?
Yeah.

You might recall the line,
it's in fifths.

Oh yeah, I've got two
hands here. I can do it.

DEREK: Great. So that's
good. We can play that one.

DEREK: All right, that's it.
Hole is out.

Heavy is out.

DAVID: Heavy, Hole, Heavy, Hole...
Right, right, right. We know.

America we know is out.
America we can't do.

That's Nigel's tune.
That's not my tune.

We know, we know.

That's a nice
little set, isn't it?

That's a cozy 10 minutes.

DAVID: What we gonna do?
We got nothing to play here.

We got nothing.

DEREK: I'll tell you what
we're gonna have to do.

What?

Jazz Odyssey.

We're not going about to do
a free-form jazz exploration

in front of a festival crowd.

You are witnesses at the new
birth of Spinal Tap Mark ll.

Hope you enjoy
our new direction.

(JAZZ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

On the bass, Derek Smalls.
He wrote this.

JOURNALIST: So, tonight's
the last show of the tour.

How's that feel?

You know, is this,
like, your last waltz?

Are we talking
the end of Spinal Tap?

Or are you going to
try to milk it for

a few more years
in Europe? I mean...

Well, I don't, I don't really
think that the end can be assessed,

as of itself,
as being the end,

because what does
the end feel like?

It's like saying when you try and
extrapolate the end of the universe.

If you say the end... If the
universe is indeed infinite,

then how...
What does that mean?

How far is all the way?

And then if it stops,
what's stopping it,

and what's behind
what's stopping it?

So, "What's the end,"
you know... Mmm-hmm.

...is my question
to you.

It's a good crowd.
Good crowd.

It is, isn't it?

Yeah, it really is. I mean, you
know, some of these things just...

Well, it's hard to get at
the last minute, you know?

You can't arrange
it all overnight.

DEREK: David, we had
a 15-year ride, mate.

I mean, who wants to be a fucking
45-year-old rock 'n' roller

farting around in front of
people less than half their age?

That is so true, yeah.

Cranking out some kind of
mediocre head-banging bullshit,

you know,
that we forgot...

Yeah, well,
it's beneath us.

That's right.

Who wants to see it?
Absolutely right.

Not me. I mean, you can
take all those projects

that we thought,
you know, we didn't...

Oh, there's dozens,
they're so...

You know, we didn't have
time for them because of Tap,

and bring them
back to life, maybe.

Do you remember what we
were... Do you remember...

At the Luton Palace, we were
talking about a rock musical

based on the life
of Jack the Ripper.

Yeah, Saucy Jack.
Right, Saucy Jack.

Saucy Jack.
Now's the time to do that.

BOTH: (SINGING) You're
a naughty one, Saucy Jack

You're a haughty one,
Saucy Jack

Right. Bit of freeing up, isn't it?

It's all this free time is...
Suddenly, time is so elastic.

It's a gift.
It's a gift of freedom.

I've always wanted to do a
collection of my acoustic numbers

with the London Philharmonic,
as you know.

We're lucky.
Yeah.

I mean, people should be, people
should be envying us, you know.

I envy us.
Yeah.

I do.
Me, too.

(SIGHS)

It's gonna be fine,
right?

We'll make them
miss us.

DAVID: Nice thought.

I'm in.

I'm in tune.

Come on, The last tuning.
Let's go in.

I think we should go
in, huh? The last tuning.

I think it's
time to go, right?

Can we go?

Yeah.

DAVID: All right, we're going to
do a good show, a dynamite show.

Come to see the show?

Yeah.

Hi, Mick.
Nige.

So, did you just come here
to hang around backstage,

like a real
rock 'n' roller?

Is that what
you're doing?

I'm really a messenger.

DAVID: Oh, a messenger? Yeah.

I bumped into Ian, and...

Ian? Ian?

(LAUGHS) Oh, the other dead man, yeah.

Seems that Sex Farm
is on the charts in Japan.

DEREK: Spinal Tap's
recording, Sex Farm?

NIGEL: It's number five
last week, actually, and...

So, he...

He asked me
to ask you, Tap,

if you'd be interested in
reforming and doing a tour, Japan.

So you've come
back to re-plug

our life-support
systems in, is that it?

By the grace
of your...

By the stroke of your hand,
you're going to set us...

Is that what
you're going to do?

You gonna bring
us back to life?

That what you've come
here for? No, I've come...

I mean, it's...
Don't you...

The fucking nerve that
you display in coming...

No, that's...

I'm just passing on
the information, really.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to go in.

We haven't got time
to discuss this now.

Come on.

All right?

David...

Do a good show,
all right?

Yeah, okay.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Little girl,
it's a great big world

But there's only one of me

You can't touch
'cause I cost too much

But, tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

DEREK: Tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

Tonight, I'm gonna rock you

Tonight!

You're sweet,
but you're just 4 feet

And you still
got your baby teeth

You're too young
and I'm too well-hung

But, tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

DEREK: Tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

Tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

Tonight!

Oh, yeah!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Nigel Tufnel,
lead guitar!

(RADIO INTERFERENCE)

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

You're hot,
you take all we got

Not a dry seat in the house

Next day,
we'll be on our way

But, tonight,
I'm gonna rock you

Yeah, tonight,
we're gonna rock you

DEREK AND NIGEL:
Tonight, I'm gonna rock you

Tonight!

Little girl,
it's a great big world

But there's only one of

Me!

MARTY: Do you feel that playing rock
'n' roll music keeps you a child?

That is, keeps you in a state
of arrested development?

No, no.
No, I feel it's like...

It's more like going to a
national park or something,

and there's, you know,
they preserve the moose.

And that's my
childhood up there

on stage,
is that moose, you know?

So, when you're playing, you feel
like a preserved moose on stage?

Yeah.

I've been listening
to the classics.

I belong to a
great series.

It's called the Namesake
Series, of cassettes.

And they send you the works
of famous authors

done by actors with
the same last name.

So I've got Denholm Elliott
reading T.S. Eliot on this one.

Well, that's interesting. Yes.

I've got Danny Thomas
doing A Child's

Christmas in
Wales by Dylan Thomas.

And next month, it's McLean Stevenson
reads Robert Louis Stevenson.

Treasure Island,
I believe.

That's interesting.
That's fascinating. Yeah.

There's also something...

There's a shorter works
of Washington Irving

read by someone
called Dr. J.

Oh, that's
Julius Erving.

There you go. Julius Erving,
the basketball player.

In keeping with
the series, yeah.

I didn't know that.

You like this?

MARTY: It's very nice.
It looks like Halloween.

This is my exact inner
structure, done in a T-shirt.

Exactly medically accurate.
See?

So, in other words,
if we were to

take all your
flesh and blood...

Take them off.
And you'd see...

This is what you'd see.

It wouldn't be
green, though.

It is green.

You know, see how
your blood looks blue?

Yeah, well,
that's just the vein,

I mean, the color
of the vein, I mean.

The blood is actually red.

Oh, maybe
it's not green, then.

Anyway, this is what I
sleep in sometimes. Yeah.

MARTY: Denis Eton-Hogg,
the president

of Polymer Records,
was recently knighted.

What were the circumstances
surrounding his knighthood?

The specific reason
why he was knighted

was for the founding
of Hoggwood,

which is a summer camp
for pale young boys.

MARTY: David St. Hubbins,

I must admit, I've never heard
of anybody with that name.

It's an unusual name.

Well, he was
an unusual saint.

He's not a very
well-known saint.

Oh, there actually is...
There was a St. Hubbins?

Oh, yes.
That's right, yes.

Yeah. What was he the saint of?

He was the patron saint
of quality footwear.

You play to predominantly
a white audience.

Do you feel your music
is racist in any way?

No, not at all.
No, of course not.

You know, we say,
"Love your brother."

We don't say it,
really, but...

We don't literally say
it. No, we don't say it.

We don't really literally mean
it. We don't believe it either.

But we're not racists.
But...

That message
should be clear, anyway.

We're anything
but racists.

You know,
we've grown musically.

I mean, you listen
to some of the rubbish

we did early on, it
was stupid. MARTY: Yeah.

You know, now, I mean,
a song like Sex Farm,

we're taking
a sophisticated

view of the idea of sex,
you know, and...

Putting it on a farm.
Yeah.

MARTY: If I were to ask you
what your philosophy

of life or your creed,
what would that be?

Have a good time
all the time.

That's my philosophy, Marty.

I believe virtually
everything I read,

and I think that is what makes
me more of a selective human

than someone who doesn't
believe anything.

Do you have a philosophy
or creed that you live by?

Well, you know, personally,
I like to think about

sex and drugs and
rock 'n' roll, you know.

That's my life.
Yeah.

MARTY: If you were to have
something written as your epitaph...

"Here lies David St. Hubbins,

"and why not?"

You feel that
sums up your...

No, it's the first thing I
could think of. Oh, I see.

It doesn't sum up
anything, really.

Yeah.

I'm a real fish nut.
I really like fish.

MARTY: What kind of fish?

Well, in the United States,
you have cod.

I like cod.

And I love tuna, those
little cans you've got here.

Tuna fish.
Yeah.

No bones.
Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

MARTY: If you could not play
rock 'n' roll, what would you do?

I'd be a full-time dreamer.

I'd probably get
a bit stupid and start

to make a fool of
myself in public,

'cause there wouldn't
be a stage to go on.

Probably work with children.

As long as there's, you know,
sex and drugs,

I can do without
the rock 'n' roll.

I suppose I could work
in a shop of some kind,

or do freelance selling
of some sort of product.

A salesman?
You think...

A salesman.
Maybe in a haberdasher.

Or maybe like a
chapeau shop or something.

You know, like, "Would you...
What size do you wear, sir?"

And then you answer me.

Seven and a quarter.

"I think we have that."

See, something like
that, I could do. Yeah.

Do you think you'd be happy
doing something...

"No, we're all out.
Do you wear black?"

See, that sort of thing I think
I could probably muster up.

Yeah. Do you think
you'd be happy doing that?

Well, I don't know.
What are the hours?