Original subtitles

Previously on "The Real

Previously on "The Real Housewives of New York City"...

- [ roars ] - Aah!

[ laughter ] - I got so scared!

To me and Scott, back together. Whoo!

She will be getting married, and this is it.

You're coming for Halloween, right?

I think I'm gonna be having Halloween in Chicago.

Oh, you are?

It's been a great ride, and I'm so excited for my future.

You know this word?

If something bad happens, you get pleasure from it.

You're nuts.

You invited Elyse, and you're not even talking to her.

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm having a birthday party, so this year I'm inviting

all my girlfriends, which is about 60.

Why don't you do it with her? Hers is the 25th.

No, this is my own party. This is for me.

You thought it was for all your girlfriends,

and now it's yours. - It's my birthday.

- It's my birthday. - And my birthday

and her birthday, too. - No, no, no.

♪♪♪♪♪

Like a mint in my mouth, I can be a bit fresh.

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm no one's arm candy. I'm the whole bowl of sugar.

♪♪♪♪♪

So what if I'm self-involved?

Who else should I be involved with?

♪♪♪♪♪

I'll say sorry for what I've done,

but never for who I am.

♪♪♪♪♪

I rise above the drama

and won't settle for the lower level.

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, my God.

Wow.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ phone chimes ]

- Hey. - I'm at the Halloween store.

Would you like to be a clown or a priest?

Maybe the priest. What does the priest look like?

I don't know. I kind of would love to see you

in a priest outfit, I can't even lie.

Rob isn't typically my plus-one,

but he's a very important person in my life,

and I want to see what the women think about him,

and more importantly, I want to see what he thinks of the women.

Or you could be Jesus Christ himself.

Oh, my God.

[ laughs ]

- Hi! - Hi!

Oh, you're so sparkly.

- Well, it's Halloween week! - I know, I know.

- [ singsongy ] Good morning. - Hello!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hey, girls. Mwah. - How are you?

I gave you a little preview of what I'm thinking about doing.

It's so funny. I have a very similar feather, um, headdress

that I'm kind of wearing. It's similar but bigger.

My good friend Evan always has

the most fabulous Halloween party in New York.

♪ Money can't buy you class ♪

♪ Elegance is learned ♪

This year, I want to be able to enjoy the girls

and have time for them, so I decided I'm not gonna perform.

Evan set up this great dining room

for us to party. It's perfect.

Okay, I've got a story for you, 'cause I know after years,

she doesn't know the full extent of being with Ramona.

I was totally Ramona-sized again yesterday.

No.

I wish Sonja were here. I couldn't believe it.

What happened?

She says, "Listen, I'm gonna have my birthday,

"and I really would love for you to come with me to Larry Scott's

so you can help me put together my birthday."

I forget whenever you talk to Ramona,

you gotta watch what she's saying...

- Oh. - ...but listen

with a different ear. - Oh, yeah.

I swear to God when Sonja and I get in there,

she barely spoke to us, wanted us there just so Larry

could take pictures with us.

Wait. Did you do a video or something?

Dorinda, come here. Do a picture quick.

Sonja, I need you for a minute.

It's a little something for our little social media.

- Come here. Eat this. Eat this. - Here. This is the rule.

Tommy, wrong side. You gotta go from that side.

Oh, my God. That's so annoying.

"Here. Take pictures doing this, promo doing this."

Three hours of my day.

It's not bad enough that Ramona swindled us

into the situation so she would get a free party.

It's the fact that she thought we were so stupid

and not acknowledge it.

I was under the impression, too,

that maybe... I said to Sonja, "I think what she's gonna do,

"because she's having this on the 19th,

"and your birthday's on the 25th,

"and because she actively disinvited you

with Lucia last year..."

I wanted to add Sonja if there's space. No? Okay.

- I think she was gonna say... - Yeah.

- "By the way..." - Let's not forget. [ laughs ]

"I'm doing a joint birthday for me and you, Sonja."

- Oh. - No.

- No. - "Only me."

- Oh, my God. - "Just mine.

"Mine, all mine, all mine.

This is about me and my coming out,"

and then never spoke to us again.

So she didn't ask your advice? Like, "What do you think

I should do with flowers?" - Not really.

- The decorations? - Not really.

I completely understand why Dorinda's mad at Ramona,

but you've known Ramona for 20 years.

This shouldn't be surprising.

She really needs to chill with the judgy stuff with me.

It's, like, too much, you know?

Yes, judgy stuff with all of us.

Like, I'm like, I can't even, like...

Like, she called me the other day.

She's trying to do this whole Tinsley thing,

like I have something to do with her moving to Chicago.

- I mean... - No, she doesn't.

We went out for drinks with Tinsley.

She said, "Look, I know that this is for real.

This time around, I'm 100% sure."

I'm like, "Well, you know what? Good."

The good news is it frees up a bedroom in the Berkshires.

- [ laughs ] - Maybe I'll have Elyse.

Listen, everybody deserves to be happy.

Just like in the animal kingdom,

the tigers don't get along with the rabbits,

but it doesn't mean they all can't scamper away

and be happy.

[ laughter ] - Wait. I will join you in that.

I feel like this is, like, you wake up in the morning,

and you put your fighting armor on, Dorinda.

- Oh, yeah, girl. - That looks good on you.

- It does, actually. - Gladiator woman.

We should wear these to Ramona's birthday party.

Oh, my God. She only has girls,

so we're gonna show up as gladiators.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi. How have you been? - Welcome.

- Good. How are you? - Good. It's been a while,

so, um, I'd love to have a table for two

in the bar area.

- Wonderful, yes, absolutely. - Okay, great.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hello, gorgeous. - Hey, girlfriend.

- How are you? - Mwah. How are ya?

- How's everything? - I didn't know what

to order you for your drink. - I'm gonna get my tequila.

- That's predictable. - Oh, the tequila.

Let me see if I can get the waiter.

Rori set me up with Brian or alias the "Red Scarf Guy."

My parents were married 55 years.

Are you kidding me? That's unbelievable.

I thought he was, like, really great in so many ways,

and he definitely fit everything in my box.

How's the love life going?

Well, it's very interesting. You know, last time

you set me up with someone, like, a year ago,

you said, "Ramona, think out of the box.

I have someone for you to meet."

I "almost" got married eight times.

It's unnatural to be monogamous.

So you know, you do what works for you.

Judgment will kill you. Don't do it. It's toxic.

Right now I realize I don't want to think out of the box.

- If you had to pick one... - Yeah.

...do you want love or you want money?

I want a best friend.

So that's more in the love department.

Yeah, best friend who makes me laugh.

I want someone who, you know, is like me,

that goes to Europe in the summer,

that goes to Aspen. - Okay, honey, that's not cheap.

But that's my lifestyle. I'm not changing.

But you know, sometimes people will go for the guy

who might be a little older or a little heavier,

but they want the lifestyle.

Obviously, you're telling me, "I really wanna laugh.

I wanna be in love. I want a best friend."

How about I want both? I want it all, girl.

- I want it all. - Cheers, and you deserve it.

I never settle for less. I only want more.

I need a man who has the same... worth as me

because men get very intimidated, you know?

I actually went out with a billionaire.

He came to my apartment.

He was, "Oh, so what is this worth, like, $5 million?

Oh, I can see you don't really need anyone."

He didn't even see my house yet in the Hamptons.

Imagine a regular guy... How'd they feel.

When I sold the old apartment

and I moved into my new apartment,

I couldn't really handle it, and I was kinda feeling

very awkward in my life, and I felt like kind of like

almost like, oh, my God. I have to have a man.

Why don't I have a man?

[ sobbing ] But I want a man to hold me, to love me,

to want me, to be with me,

and I don't know if I'll ever find that again!

So I had this whole renaissance thought.

Now that I'm feeling more comfortable in my home,

I'm realizing, you know, I got myself.

I love myself. I really do.

I like who I am, and I have great girlfriends.

You know, I wanna have somebody in my life that adds to it.

If I don't find it, you know what? It's okay.

- You know? It's okay. - You know, that's...

Can I tell you something? Happy attracts happy.

- Right. Okay, that makes sense. - Right?

- It does. - No one wants to be

with a downer. - No.

You have everything going for you.

You're a great catch.

'Cause age is just a number. Look at me.

Uh-huh, exactly. Cheers to that, girlfriend.

Age is just a number. It's all in here.

Exactly.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi, darling. - Hi!

- You're late. - Look, you got the little...

- I'm buzzed. Your fault. - Are you...

- I am. [ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪

I've had no food all day.

You know, Halloween is really not my favorite.

I don't really like getting dressed up

and running around with people I don't recognize.

I went to Abracadabra, and I told them

I needed a voodoo outfit.

Ramona has a costume for me to match her.

Okay. So she didn't get one for me.

What's up with that? Why wouldn't she get one for me?

I think that she wants to keep you in your place.

She's afraid of losing control of her... loved ones.

Right.

When Ramona needs emotional support,

she will come to me.

I get a call from Ramona, and she's like,

"Oh, I'm thinking of stopping by,"

and as she's saying that,

my call waiting is going off. It's the doorman.

- "Ramona's on her way up." - [ laughs ]

And now that she's feeling stronger

and I don't have a jet, a yacht, a house in Aspen,

and I can't do plastic surgery on her,

she has no need for me anymore.

At the end of the haunted house,

like, when dinner was over, and you guys

all got into a car, and you were like,

"Hey, come with us. We're gonna go have a drink."

- Yeah. - And she's like, "No, no, no."

Yeah.

"I'm just going with the girls." Are you kidding me?

I heard you texted her, "B.S."

Yeah! Of course. I said... 'cause she sent me a text

to try to, like, explain away why she was going

with just the girls, and I wrote, "Bullsh..."

[ laughs ]

And I tried to talk to her about it,

and she immediately was like, "I'm so busy.

"I've been stressed out with my construction,

and my closet..."

And then she's running out to meet guys, and it's like...

- Right. - "Can you be in the moment

with me now? Can I talk to you about my Century 21 position?"

I have this new job with Century 21

as Chief Lifestyle Officer,

which basically means... - Oh, nice.

I used to sell stuff all the time.

This buyer, Ernie, he's in there.

He's probably not alive anymore.

Maybe he is. I know the family, too.

I always feel "unsurped" by her

or, you know, "upsurped" or whatever the word is

in the Ramona dictionary. - You know what it is?

Ramonaville is filled with a lot of one-way streets.

I really don't recognize Ramona right now.

She's always trying to one-up us,

like "I know this one, I know that one."

It's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. Shut up, Ramona.

You're just talking about your fake friends

with your fake party.

- Let's just say cheers to us. - [ laughs ] Cheers to us.

I have other friends.

When Ramona is, like, pulling this bullsh...,

call her out on it with me.

You know how much dirt I have on Ramona

that I can hold her liable for?

I'm sure you do, too.

I would never. I would never,

but we don't have to tell her that.

Coming up...

Ah. Hi, Ramona.

You're kinda scary-looking tonight.

- This is you. - What are you gonna do to me?

[ tapping ]

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

[ groans ] It's so cold.

- Mm! - I think a lot of it

has to do with the, um, "dehydroti..."

- Traveling? - "Dehydrotion"?

- "Dehydrotion." - "Dehydrotion."

♪♪♪♪♪

You're not dressed warm enough. This is ridiculous!

No, no, no, no, no, no. I won't take it.

- Take this coat over. - No, I won't take it.

I'm a block away, Hannah. I mean it. It'll make me upset.

We're a block away from Jimbo's!

I know, but I don't need it. You have a... Come on.

- No, please don't. - Please, Hannah...

- I feel guilt. - Now! Now. I mean it. Come on.

This is... Then you can wear it home, too. That's...

Please, you're not gonna be warm.

I'm a block away. I can't...

Okay, but I'm block away, too, so why don't we have to do this?

Take it home with you. Doesn't that feel better already?

- Yeah. - Right? [ chuckles ]

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi there. - Hello!

- Hello, hello. - You know what I like.

Cheeseburger, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, fresh onion,

you know, lots of mayonnaise, lots of ketchup.

- Any fries? - All the sauces.

All the sauces. [ laughs ]

Hannah once asked me if I was ever stranded on an island,

what's the one thing I'd bring? And I said Hellman's Mayonnaise.

And let's get some pickles.

'Cause let's see this coleslaw over there.

[ laughing ]

He knows.

[ laughs ] No burger. Just sauces.

- And some mayonnaise. [ laughter ]

I cannot eat something without sauces.

It's just not worth it.

Mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard

have to be a part of every single meal,

and a Russian dressing is just... That's a holiday.

Yes.

Paige sent me a picture of Aidan the other day.

- He looks just like... - Richard?

- It's weird. - Let me see.

Oh, yes, yeah, I saw this photo. Just like Richard.

But it's okay. It's okay that I'm alone. I don't feel alone.

I know you called me in the car yesterday.

- No, no, no. - That was the nicest thing.

No, no, no, here's the thing that I worry about.

You used to get sad because you used to be, like,

"I have no one," right? Like, who is my person?

And I think that you're always used to having a person

for a very long time, like an anchor,

and, like, I think that

that very much my shaped your sense of self.

You know, as a person, I look up to you more now.

- Do you? - Absolutely.

You're a better role model now than you've ever been.

- Really? - Absolutely.

You took a bad, bad, bad hand,

and you didn't turn it into a straight,

but you made a really pretty picture with it.

And that is so much... it's... it's so much more worthy of pride

than just being married to someone.

I think the past six years, you know,

everyone has seen me go through a lot of changes and growing,

and... and it's, um, a different Dorinda that sits here today.

- You're good, Mom. - Oh, thanks, babe.

- I love you very much. - Sorry I cried. That was...

- Why are you sorry? - Because that's not

what lunch was about. [ laughs ]

I think it's the first time

Hannah has seen me fully just be Dorinda with no labels.

I, you know, run my own life, manage my own finances.

I'm not desperate to get married and things,

and I think she's really enjoying

that complete independence in me.

For your birthday, I feel an incredible amount of guilt.

- Why? - I feel like

I never do it right 'cause I'm, like, always...

It's like a very busy time of year for me.

Don't worry about it. I'm not a big birthday person.

- Why? - It's silly at this age.

- You sure? - Ramona's having

a coming out birthday party. - What does that mean?

It's 60 of her best friends in New York City, just women.

- Oh, that's gonna be fun. - It's about coming out for fun.

But anyway, I wanna book a dinner for you.

What about a birthday lunch?

Did you see that thing that's happening

over at Rikers... In Rikers Island?

You wanna have your birthday at Rikers?

No, but when you had... You used to play soccer.

- Randall's Island, not Rikers. - Randall's. [ chuckles ]

Rikers is where they send, like, murderers and convicts.

Oh, my God.

♪♪♪♪♪

I haven't been on this block for a while.

When Fafi was here, like, last summer,

I ate down on that street with her.

Rob and I always make it a point to go to Chinatown

to our favorite Chinese restaurant.

Not the tourist spot.

- Hi! - How are you?

Good, thank you. Three for dinner.

When you're from New York, you know the spots to eat at.

It's not just all about the Upper East Side.

Would you like anything to drink?

Can I have a hot tea?

- Can I have a beer? - We have Tsingtao,

Heineken, and Sapporo. - I'll have Tsingtao.

- Tsingtao, all right. - Thank you.

Thanks.

- Look how much they have. - Oh, my God.

Do you need anything recommended to you?

Something without carbs.

- Okay. [ laughter ]

Let's just order regular food.

- All right, we can just... - You know what? We're good.

Vegetable lo mein, chicken with broccoli.

- Mm-hmm. - Steamed dumplings.

- Pork, please. - Okay.

And I'll do a small egg drop soup.

- Thank you. - Thanks so much.

- Oh, you're welcome. - Thank you.

This is just the norm for me and Rob.

I mean, at this point, we've been co-parents

longer than we were a couple.

When I had Kiki, I was 25 years old.

I did not want to be in a relationship.

I needed to spread my wings and fly,

and I don't mean those wings.

Thank God Rob's just been a rock in so many ways.

Thank you.

I went to lunch with Bunny and Bryan the other day.

How was that?

I was, like, jumping around and doing cartwheels, and...

Where? In the gym?

No, we were having a dinner outside.

I think you're just on a slippery slope with the alcohol.

I don't wanna go into big detail. You know how I feel.

- We talked about you. - Of course.

- Obviously. - Thank you.

I'm like, isn't it kind of weird that me and Rob

have been broken up for, like, 11 years,

and neither one of us has really moved on

in another relationship?

And then I'm like, "I feel like you guys would never

even accept another person that I brought around."

And they were like, "Rob is our, like, our son."

I mean, it is, you know? I have no mother figure,

so your mom is definitely, like, a mother figure.

I know. I mean, I'm glad that you guys are so close, you know?

She's a great part of Kier's life.

I know. I need to give her way more credit than I do.

- Yeah. - I know. I just have a lot

of, like, past... - She made you.

- She'll take you out. - [ laughs ]

She's tried to take me out a couple times. [ laughs ]

My sister likes to say that me and my mother

can only communicate and show each other love through arguing,

which is really depressing and maybe why I'm still single.

I don't know!

I still hold a lot of anger and resentment at them.

- Right. - But can you imagine

Kiki being 17 and us being like, "You know what?

No, you can't come home. Live on the street"?

They did that?

She says I was 19, but whatever. What's the difference?

Isn't 19 kinda old to still live with your parents?

Shouldn't you have moved out by then anyway?

Well, most people... most people are in college at that time.

So they're still being take care of.

And why didn't you go to college?

Um... it just wasn't...

Did you not get in or something?

[ grunts ]

Look, I haven't been a saint.

My mother's very hard on me, I think.

And, you know, I can be an asshole sometimes.

I need to be better to her.

You knew this. You know that.

Don't be a dick.

- Honestly. - I'm just saying you know that.

I'll pour your beer out, or I'll chug it right now.

You're so "I told you so."

That was so annoying, Rob. Don't annoy me,

'cause I am PMSing. - Told you so.

Stop making that an excuse.

This is where you act like Bunny.

'Cause you know what? Bunny is an "I told you so" type person.

- Sue me. - [ giggles ]

Most therapists say that women, like, end up marrying

men that are like their fathers. - Ew. What?

I know. But it's, like, some weird child

sort of, like, thing. - That's pretty disgusting.

Like, yeah, well, I ended up having a kid with someone

who's like my mother. [ laughs ]

♪♪♪♪♪

Coming up...

I can't believe she brought Missy.

Yeah, I know.

That's the girlfriend of my ex-husband.

- That's the girlfriend. - Shots fired!

- Hi. - Hi. How are you?

- Welcome to Moxy. - Good. Thank you.

- I'm, um, checking in. - Okay.

- Luann de Lesseps. - Yes, okay, cool.

- We've been expecting you. - Okay.

I don't normally dress up for Halloween,

but I found a see-through mesh jumpsuit to wear,

so tonight I'm gonna be the voodoo slut.

- How are you? - Hi. How are you?

Doing well, thank you. How are you?

- This is the glam table. - This is it.

[ singsongy ] Get that makeup on me.

- Is Luann here? - She's on her way.

I'm a Virgo, so I'm 10 minutes early to everything.

But there is kind of a theme with Luann.

She kinda... has her own timeframe she's working on.

♪♪♪♪♪

Evan?

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi. - Hello!

- Happy Halloween, darling. - Oh, my God.

- This is looking gorgeous. Hi. - Mwah. You're looking gorgeous.

- How are you? - Oh, I love this.

- [ laughs ] - Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, thanks. I thought I'd wear a little sequin

to go walk through and see everything.

I love it. Doesn't it look amazing?

Oh, my God. This looks incredible!

I know. It's completely transformed, right?

- Wow. - We're not even finished yet.

The Halloween party last year was the sexy nurse.

You look slutty! That's pretty slutty, too.

This year, it is the voodoo kind of priestess.

You know, it has to be shocking.

That's what Halloween's all about.

And then going into the cemetery,

so this is gonna be completely smoke-filled,

different world in here, so that's kind of party room.

- Chef, how are you? - Oh, Chef!

[ speaking French ]

Oh, my God. This is fabulous.

- It's gonna look great. - So the menu is over the top.

Yeah, we have spider crabs, like pig, alligator.

We have the head of the goat.

The seafood platter is kind of escaping.

Wow.

It's not a Halloween party until somebody's grossed out.

So I'm hoping the girls are gonna be grossed out.

Oh, my God. The girls are gonna love this.

Love it.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hello! - Oh! [ laughs ]

- Hi. - Hi, girls.

What are you doing, blonde, up? Just your hair,

or you doing other... - Yeah, it's gonna be

Day of the Dead-ish, voodoo-ish,

and then I'm wearing a sheer bodysuit.

And you're going naked underneath?

I have something to cover my nipples up.

Oh, okay.

Let me not, like, give everybody a heart attack later.

Oh, come on. It's Halloween.

You're supposed to give people a heart attack.

That... Yeah, exactly. You're right.

♪♪♪♪♪

All right, so we're gonna have fun tonight, you know?

- I'm so excited. - Yeah.

The theme for Luann's Halloween party was voodoo,

so I did look up "voodoo" on the internet,

and this image came up. I go, "Perfect."

Oh, we're gonna go in here.

And I bought one for Sonja, too,

'cause I knew she would look great in it,

and lately, I haven't liked her costumes for Halloween.

So excited. I can't wait to see all the decorations.

I know. They do this every year.

This is incredible.

♪♪♪♪♪

- What is this? - I thought it was roses.

- It's skulls. - Oh, my God. [ laughs ]

It's a cross filled with skulls. No.

- Wow. - Wait, these are tombstones.

Oh, these are coffins. My priest would not like this.

- No, this is not... - We won't tell him.

Yeah. Let's not tell him about this.

All right, is this sacrilegious? 'Cause I'm religious.

No, but it's okay.

Are those brains?

Ew!

♪♪♪♪♪

[ gasps ]

That is a severed head.

You gotta be kidding me. There's, like, dead heads here.

Why would they do that?

Who's gonna even wanna eat looking at this stuff?

This is really gross.

Oh, my gosh. Look who's here.

- Hello, ladies. - Oh, Lord!

- How are you? - Good.

- Hi, girls. - Ron, you're early.

- Yes. - So, like...

- Did you double-book again? - [ laughs ]

You double-booked us?

You like?

You're a little scary-looking, baby.

I take Halloween very seriously.

- And this... - That's a shrunken head.

- This is terrible. - That's freaky.

- No, don't say that. - [ chuckles ]

Let's see where... Miss Luann is our hostess.

[ line rings ]

Hello, my honey bunny. How are ya?

Well, how far away are you? I'm here with Missy and Ron.

Oh, it's 8:30? I thought we made it earlier.

I guess that was my wishful thinking.

So you're not gonna get here until 8:30?

All right, well, the room looks gorgeous.

All right, bye.

I think I changed it for earlier, but no one wanted to.

It isn't even my party.

I actually did a group text and said, "Hey, everyone,

Let's, like, start early, like at 7:30, 8:00."

Because a friend of mine, another male friend,

has a private great table at Omar's new place downtown.

So I wanna go down there.

There's so many parties tonight, you know?

It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And nobody confirmed. That's okay. We'll have fun.

All right, you know what? I don't really care.

- We'll just have fun. - Let me just see

where Sonja is, my... my twin. - And hang out.

♪♪♪♪♪

Awesome. Oh, my God.

[ laughs ] I love this.

Dorinda, you always bring it, girl!

Oh, my God. I need to have a drink and catch up with Sonja.

You always bring it. What the [bleep]?!

- I need to... - This is, like,

Lady Gaga sh... - Sonja, Sonja.

Have you gotten ahead of us? Did I miss the party?

- Yes. - Oh, no, I'm drinking.

What do you think I was doing

before I headed to the Halloween party?

Getting lit with my hair and makeup team.

- You're bringing it! - Did you bring a little for us?

You are bringing it, girl. Oh, my God.

That's what you do. It's a national holiday in my group.

And if you're not, you should stay home,

because you're just dead weight.

- I'm very upset with Ramona. - I...

She doesn't feel my pain. She doesn't feel my struggle.

Here's how it's gotta be with Ramona.

She has to be here, and she would like everyone to be...

She wants everybody... She's the sun,

and everybody should orbit around her.

Yes, this is Ramona, and I'm gonna fight.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

[ grunts ] In your ear. In your rear, Ramona.

- I'm so mad, Ramona. - In your ear. In your...

- I'm so mad at Ramona. - Oh, my God.

Coming up...

I like Leah.

She's a... ing weirdo.

- I'm a weirdo? - She's drunk. Leah, Leah.

Leah, just don't.

[ evil cackling ]

Oh, God, he's freaking out.

Oh, my God. You look like suicide watch or something.

- I love it. - Oh!

- Wow. - Look at you! Hi.

- Hi. Nice to see you. - That's not real, is it?

- I thought that was fake. - Of course not. It's all me.

It's his gut. Oh, sh...

Oops.

- Oh, wow! - Oh!

Hey.

What's this? I love a crustacean.

- Look at this. - A little...

Oh, that looks like a little penis.

I don't know if I like that. That's like a lamp. What?

- Is that real? - Hi! We're twins!

Oh, my God! You all look so good.

Look at you! Wow.

- Wow. - Mwah.

Who are you? I don't like secret...

I definitely know the secret. I promise you that.

It looks fabulous. I mean, this is a Dorinda setup.

I'm a little jealous. They took a page from my book.

- Where's Luann? - Ready to roll.

Just have to get into something a little bit more comfortable.

- Hello! Hi! - Hey, Jill. How are you?

- Hi. I'm so happy you've come. - Sexy!

- I love that you're here. - Love you.

Jill and I have been friends for a long time,

but I'm on a cabaret tour, and she's, you know, in love.

This is Gary.

- Hi. I'm Gary. - Hi.

So we don't get to see each other

as often as we'd like.

- Hi. - Nice to see you.

- Nice to see you, too. - I'm loving the hair curl.

So when I have a party like Halloween to invite her to,

I do.

- This is Keri. This is Jill. - Hi, Keri. Nice to meet you.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - So we got a whole

hair and makeup team here. - Yep, we're all set.

I got you all covered, girlfriend.

So what is the makeup?

Can I be pretty in this outfit or I have to be weird-looking?

We'll make you pretty.

I'm a French socialite from New Orleans.

Right, but you don't wanna do, like, a white face.

- Madame de Lesseps. Nah. - Nothing like that?

I wanna be a pretty hooker. That's my look.

At least I wanna get work.

So I have to be a little pretty, right?

[ laughter ]

You're gonna be a very busy hooker, too.

I wanna be very busy tonight.

Sonja, come over here.

In your rear, in your ear, Ramona.

Look at her boobs. Boobs, boobs, Ramona.

Sonja, what are you doing?

Oh, hi, Ramona.

Sonja, you're kinda scary-looking tonight.

- This is you. - That's me?

- That's you. - What are you gonna do to me?

That's like, ehh-ehh, ehh-ehh.

I am boiling! I need to say my piece.

Boom, boom.

You know, look, boom, boom.

And also, the other three vodka sodas

might kick in any minute.

You know why I'm mad at you?

Because every time I talk to you,

you bring it back to you.

I say, "I'm doing construction."

You say, "I'm doing construction."

More important construction.

I say, uh, "My daughter's going to college."

You go, "My daughter's in college."

[ tapping ]

Actually, she graduated, so...

Oh, my God! You're so bad!

And I do love you, bitch, but you're an ass.

- I am sorry. - You only care about your sh...

- No, I care about you. - Oh, here comes the apologizer.

It's not the apologizer. It's better to say you're sorry

than not... - You always say, "I'm sorry."

- It doesn't cure anything. - Don't get involved.

- No, I'm not accepting... - Don't get involved.

Well, you know when someone tells me

to stay out of something, what happens.

And what do you do to her?

You put her at the end of every table

of any event you have. You don't talk to her.

You ignore her, and she's like the bottom of the totem pole.

- Why do you do that to her? - No, I do feel that way.

- All right. - Why do you do that?

- No, why do you do that? - I have no idea.

You compartmentalize. You have a lot of girls, but there are...

There are... there are different types of girls.

They're the ones that will knock you down when you're on top.

They're the ones that will kick you when you're down,

and they're the ones who will... - Right, right.

...who will celebrate you when you're on top

and catch you when you fall, Ramona.

- Celebrate you. - I'm here.

Right? Which friend am I to you?

Which one would you like to be, girl?

I feel Elyse... she was, like, jumping on the bandwagon.

What, you wanna feel part of the group, Elyse,

by attacking me, too? Thank you. - Which one am I?

Which one would you like to be?

You don't really have an answer?

You know what? I don't give a sh... at this point.

I'll be back. I'm going to the ladies room.

- I'll see you in a bit. - Why are you running away?

- I'm not running away. - Because she has schadenfreude.

She wants you to do well, but not better than her.

I've seen Ramona treat other people really badly.

She's been an asshole to other people,

but she was always my asshole.

But at the end of the day, what do assholes give you?

- Catch up. - I'm gonna get us some tequila.

I don't really drink vodka anymore.

So I think we shocked the sh... Out of Larry Scott. [ laughs ]

But I don't know why we were there.

It was like, I thought it was, like, downtown.

I didn't realize it was, like, an hour and a half.

You know what?

I don't know why we were there.

I just wanted some support.

Actually, out of the whole group,

don't repeat this, 'cause I'll get in trouble...

I don't buy it.

You know what I would have done at the birthday thing?

I know it's about you, but it's not really.

You should have just said, "You know, Sonja,

let's do the birthday party together."

I'll throw another party another day.

- I'll throw another party... - But why do you have to do...

What's the point of this? It's kind of, like, getting silly.

I know. It's my birthday. I'm sorry.

I know, but it's being silly.

- It's not silly. - It is. 60 women.

- You're hanging around your... - I'm sorry.

"It's my big opening." It's just... It's getting...

It's not opening. I love celebrating my birthday.

You said, "I'm coming out. I'm coming out."

Dorinda always says it's silly to have a party.

She's always... [ scoffing ]

It's 'cause she has nobody to invite, okay?

I literally have 80 girlfriends. [ claps hands ]

But there's a reason for it, 'cause I'm a good friend.

Why doesn't she throw her own party?

Why wouldn't you do it together?

I'll throw... I'm throwing my own party.

It's about my... Why can't it be about me?

You brought us out there so you can get a free party,

and I felt used. I really...

It's not a free party. I'm paying for the party.

- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

- You're not paying for it. - I pay every year for a party.

- No, you do not, Sonja. - And I get part of it comped.

- Ramona. - I'm not Sonja. Ramona.

Now you don't even know who you're talking to.

No, Ramona, you don't get...

- Ramona, you go get it paid. - My name is Ramona.

Are you jealous I'm having a birthday?

You're gonna swear on your daughter's life that

that Larry's charging you.

Swear on your daughter's life Larry's charging you.

Are you drunk now? You're drunk.

No. I haven't even had a drink. I bet you're whacked.

- I'm not whacked. - You've been here since 7:30.

I'm not whacked.

You're whacked out of your mind. You look and sound ridiculous.

♪♪♪♪♪

Coming up...

Leah. No, no, no, Leah.

Don't [bleep] with my seafood tower, okay?

- [ yelling ] - Leah. Leah.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - Wow.

Isn't this fabulous?

Oh, my! Oh, Andrew, darling.

[ laughs ] Andrew.

- I love this. - Thank you very much. Hi!

[ indistinct conversations ]

Oh, my God!

She looks amazing.

- You look good. Look at you. - I do, right?

I need you to meet my baby daddy Rob.

- Oh! - Hi, Rob. How are you?

- Nice to meet you. - And finally, Dorinda.

- He appears. - Yes.

He finally appears.

- Well, they're very tall. - Everybody's... I know.

Well, we're, you know, we're tall ladies.

Doesn't he look good as a priest?

We are. But it's nice to meet you.

- I've heard so much about you. - Nice to meet you ladies also.

Let's get down to basics. Why don't you two work out?

- No, I'm kidding. - [ laughs ]

You know, just a warmer-upper.

Well, how much time do you have, Dorinda?

- Just a warmer-upper. - I don't know. [ laughs ]

You know, I love people that are easygoing,

and I think Rob is easygoing.

I can see why Leah hooked up with Rob.

He's... He's kinda cute.

- Luann! - Hey, girl, hey!

- Holy sh...! - Oh, my gosh. Hi!

- Holy sh..., girl! - Oh, God.

- [ laughs ] - ...ing "A"!

You started Halloween early tonight, didn't you?

What I'd like to know is who came with Sonja to the party

and who was at the pre-game?

- Where was Sonja before? - I don't know.

- Jill! - Sonja!

- Hi,... ing Jill! - I know.

Because she probably just should've gone to bed

instead of coming to the party.

She's never gonna make it through dinner.

No, she's not gonna make it.

Come on. Luann is here. Go greet.

It's all good. Deep breath.

Dorinda's behavior when she's angry has to stop,

'cause I know I can't talk to her when she's like this

'cause she'll be a million times worse.

I'm gonna just suck it up and sit here,

and then I'll leave momentarily for my other friends at Omar's.

So let me look how gorgeous you look.

You look beyond...

You know what I mean?

You look ah-maz-ing.

I like Leah. She's a... ing weirdo.

I love it.

You look hot as hell, and you know what?

I like you, but you're a weirdo. I like you.

No, she's beautiful. She's beautiful.

- I'm a weirdo? - I love her.

- We was hanging out last night. - Leah, Leah, Leah, just don't.

You're a weirdo. We're artists.

- Exactly. - And I like you.

We think outside the box. We don't...

But can we keep it reeled in?

- For our kids? - I don't know.

- And my family. - Can you keep it reeled in?

I don't know if you can keep it.

- Maybe not. - Maybe not.

So why do I have to keep it reeled in?

- You have to reel me in. - [ laughs ]

- I'm thinking... - And I'll reel you in.

All right, we'll reel in each other.

- We'll reel each other in. - Right?

She has a voice. She's very smart.

- She's not stupid. - I like that.

You're not so bad.

It seems like me and Sonja are now having a fresh, new start,

and I love everything about it.

We could be a... ing force, me and you.

I understand drunken Sonja language,

and now it's time for me to learn how to speak sober Sonja.

Who wants to taste some alligator?

Wait a second. This is an alligator?

Yeah, it's not very good.

Doesn't taste like chicken.

- Doesn't taste like chicken? - No.

That does not taste like chicken.

- Not the chicken that I buy. - No.

- [ laughs ] - I'm gonna get another drink.

Those are not organic chickens.

[ laughs ]

Dorinda's like Jekyll and Hyde. It's scary.

- Yeah, she wasn't listening. - It's, like, bipolar.

She was attack, attack, attack, attack.

So when Ramona yells out, "Well, you must be drunk,"

it's like, well, what's that got to do with...

Even if it weren't for you being a selfish, self-serving person

that is always thinking about herself...

Yeah.

- She flips and it's very scary. - Yeah.

I can't believe she brought Missy.

- Yeah, I know. - It's not even... It's not cool.

- You know, do I care? - Yes, you do, because it's bad.

So I guess now she doesn't have Tinsley,

so now she's attacking me. [ laughs ]

I wouldn't bring someone that bothers you. I wouldn't.

She doesn't bother me, but to bring an ex-girlfriend...

- You know what I mean. - ...you know, of your husband,

...is weird. - An ex-girlfriend's of Tom's.

- Uh, yeah. - That's good.

♪♪♪♪♪

That's a girlfriend of my ex-husband.

- That's a girlfriend. - Shots fired!

[ laughs ]

Ramona doesn't give a sh..., really.

[ laughs ] She doesn't. She just doesn't care.

She's so insensitive. The problem with people

is they will disappoint you all the time,

and Ramona never ceases to disappoint.

Oh, my God. This is a feast.

- This is... What is this? - What is that, Gary? Eyeballs?

This is one way to keep your weight down.

Oh, look at who Ramona's sitting by...

Her good friend William, her playmate.

[ indistinct conversations ]

Look at how quickly she changed seats.

Are you happy I brought William, Ramona?

- Hi! - Every day, they get

more and more trusting, and... - Good to see you.

- What's going on? - It's good to see you. Good.

I'll... I'll be in there soon. I'll talk to you soon.

All right, I'll see you soon.

Ramona, are you happy I brought William?

My good friend William! Yay!

[ chuckles ]

Sometimes the best thing to do when someone is a sh... to you,

ignore it, 'cause that makes them even angrier

and just more reflective.

The whole thing is, like, so bizarre.

I feel like I'm in, like, a horror movie.

I wanna just get out of here, to tell you the truth.

Okay, everybody, let's sit. Let's all sit down.

- Okay, sit down, Son. - Luann!

Okay, oh, boy.

- Dorinda. - Let me ask the consensus here.

I got a question as a woman in power.

♪♪♪♪♪

Do you think it's nice when you have a good girlfriend...

I just got here...

And when they don't like something,

they say right away, "Are you drunk?"

♪♪♪♪♪

Let me ask the consensus here.

I got a question as a woman in power.

Do you think it's nice when you have a good girlfriend...

I just got here... and when they don't like something,

they say right away, "Are you drunk?"

Because they can't stand what you're saying.

Oh, Ramona, why did you say that?

And then they walk out,

and she's been here an hour and a half

boozing it up, sitting here. It's bad, it's weak...

- Very bad, Ramona! - ...and it's mean.

Schadenfreude... That's what you are.

- You try to get happiness... - Why did you say that?

...out of other people's fault. You don't do that.

[ slurring ] Why do you do that, Ramona?

- 'Cause you're drunk. - Yeah, why would you do that?

You're terrible to Sonja, and you're not nice.

You're terrible to me.

So don't do that.

Don't do that, Ramona! Don't say...

Wow, I've missed you girls. Cheers!

I was just gonna make a toast and say happy Halloween.

- Happy Halloween! - Happy Halloween.

- But she beat me. - Cheers!

- [ laughs ] - Wow.

- Happy Halloween, everybody. - What a party.

- Trick or treat! - Trick or treat!

I understand Dorinda is... had it with Ramona,

but she's taking it to a whole nother level,

and at this point, I kind of feel bad for Ramona.

She's just so angry. I don't know what she's angry about.

Her life, obviously.

Let's ask the priest.

- Can we have the priest? - I think they better calm down.

Someone needs to have confessional right now.

They better calm down.

Can we get someone to do confessional?

- You okay? - We have a show to do.

- Yeah, I'm fine. - You know I love you.

I'm fine.

You lift people up. You know that, right?

- What did you say? - Lift people up.

Well, I-I feel that. You feel that?

I-I've been feeling a little neglected,

but I still love her. - Oh, sh..., girl.

- But I still love her. - Oh, sh...

So much. I just... yes.

- You look hot. - You look hot.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't you look at me with that face.

Y'all need to talk about that.

Ramona, I'm telling you how I feel.

I've been trying to tell you.

I've been trying to tell you on the phone.

I've been trying to see you. I've been trying to tell you

how I feel, and... I know. I don't wanna add to your sh...

Okay. I appreciate that. Thank you.

- Y'all should have lunch. - Yeah.

The way Elyse has been acting lately...

Yes, Avery.

Because it's unnerving.

Shut up.

I'm sorry you feel neglected.

Thank you. You know I...

- Because I'm the apologizer. - Well...

- What can I do? - Nothing. It's all good.

- You're good? - Yeah, I'm good.

Okay.

Are we here to have fun, or are we here to fight?

I'm here to have fun! You wanna get me a drink?

Yes. What you would like to drink? I'm buying.

- Oh, vodka and soda. - Vodka soda, okay.

You're not buying! I'm buying.

What's the white meat in the pig?

They always say the other meat.

I don't know. I don't even know how to cut a pig.

I love that you're in there carving the pig, Dorinda.

We gotta be careful with Dorinda and that knife.

She could cut somebody.

Who in their right mind,

after hearing that horrific speech,

would give Dorinda a knife like that?

I mean, it's...

I don't know what's up with that.

No, no, no, no, no. Leah.

- Leah. - [ yells ]

Leah. Leah. Leah.

Leah.

- What?! It's an octopus! - No, no, no, no, no. Leah.

Don't [bleep] with my seafood tower, okay?

- Chill out. - [ yells ]

- Chill out. - Sonja...

No, Sonja, meet Rob.

You look perfect.

I need to go wash my hands.

I mean, look at this. This is...

What the [bleep] is this sh...?

What is that thing?!

- Oh, no, no, no. - What is that sh...?!

- This is where it goes wrong. - Here, here, here.

- Vodka kills everything. - Yeah.

Oh, my God, you guys should totally hook up, by the way.

He has a huge dick. [ laughs ]

Okay, you know what?

Someone put a voodoo on this party,

and I'm so out of here. I'm heading to Omar's.

That's gonna be a lot more fun than this party.

- Where's Ramona? - Oh, she left.

Maybe she left to go to another party.

Ramona left to go to another party.

- Ramona left the building! - It got too hot in the kitchen.

- Jesus, let's go. - Shall we?

- Let's go. - Are we dancing?

♪♪♪♪♪

You know I love you so much, right?

I don't know how my life ends up like this, but here we are.

Next time on "The Real Housewives of New York City"...

- Last night was a disaster. - Dorinda walked in angry.

She's like a loose cannon.

I'm Ramona. Len?

Yes, Miss Ramona.

Can you please bring me a glass of Pinot Noir?

- Yes, Miss Ramona. - No!

Guess where you are. The fish room.

Am I in the fish room?

- Ta-da! - Aah!

- We're back! - Oh! [ kissing ] Mwah.

Did you see what Elyse posted earlier?

Well, you're the one who told me that she blocked her

from social media, right? - Let's see how...

No, Ramona blocked Elyse.

You don't consider me one of your very close friends?

- Yeah, I have 50 close friends. - You're clueless.

What's mean is to yell out in front of your group

that you're a drunk.

- I'm gonna tell you honestly. - Don't do that. Be careful.

- You were so "narcisstic." - Narcissistic.

Sonja and I are doing a show.

- Isn't it fun? - Are you gonna pay her?

Are you gonna pay her for the first show?

No, she never... ing pays me.

I don't need you. Go [bleep] yourself.

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org