Original subtitles

Previously on "The Real

Previously on "The Real Housewives of New York City"...

Yeah, right.

- Oh, that's again a loss? - Yes.

That's from the fashion show.

I know that in fashion,

many times you do have losses upfront,

but seeing it on paper makes it very real.

What are we gonna do for the new show?

We wanna continue with a comedian, right?

I was thinking also maybe we include Sonja in the show.

Yeah.

Sonja's been in my original shows.

I just think it would be a really positive thing

for Sonjarita to do.

You know what you want. You know what you like.

Do whatever the [bleep] you wanna do.

Do I know?

I need you to tell them that you're seeing him,

or I'm gonna tell them. - But I'm not seeing him.

- You're back with Scott? - We know how it went.

Well, then I'm not telling you anything.

It went well, actually.

- You should just be with him. - Okay.

In the end of the day, I want to be with Scott.

That's what I want.

You need to be like, "Put a ring on it, or it's a wrap."

[ laughs ]

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm no one's accessory. I'm the whole lifestyle brand.

I don't need to find love. I love myself.

I may float like a butterfly, but I sting like a bitch.

Life isn't a fairy tale,

but I'm hoping mine's the exception.

Raise the curtain. Lower the lights.

I'm taking center stage in my life.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hello! How are you?

So your chicken was a great success with my dog. [ laughs ]

No, you know, I-I like doing it myself,

'cause you know, she likes to watch me do it.

Then she knows she's getting something special.

I know. She's a smart dog. Thank you so much.

- You're gonna see a lot of me. - I don't mind looking at you.

Well, thank you. I don't mind eating your food. [ laughs ]

♪♪♪♪♪

The whole theme of our Halloween thing, I guess, is voodoo.

I'm putting the corset on. Zip it up.

[ zipper whirs ] Go, and now pull me in.

Oh, I see you've done this before.

[ zipper whirs] Just make it work, girl.

♪♪♪♪♪

These are the signs.

It's just basically a longer version of the banter

she does with comedians in the show.

Yeah.

[ door rattling, laughter ]

You can't get in. [ rattling continues ]

I can't get in, so...

Someone's, like, attacking the door.

[ laughter ] Thank you.

- Hi! - Hey!

I said, "Someone's attacking the door."

I know, me, trying to finagle out of the way.

- Hi! How are you? - Mwah. How are you?

I was thinking for time's sake, what we'll do is

Roger will bring them in, and Madison will bring them in,

and they'll do their 3, 4, 5-minute

little stand-up bit for us. - Okay.

- And then, you know... - Okay.

And the ones that you're not so into,

we can just say, "Thank you very much."

Okay. Well, I'm gonna let you do that.

- Okay. - 'Cause I'm terrible at that.

We're looking for comedians for "Marry F Kill"

because it's a variety show,

and I feel like variety shows need comedy.

Sonja didn't get here yet. She's on her way.

- Okay. Well, you know... - She probably lost her dress

on the way, so she's probably putting it back on again.

- Or not putting it back on. - [ laughs ]

I want this comic to be extremely funny,

having to do with sex, relationships,

and all that good stuff.

You know, we'll talk to Sonja, too, about...

- Yeah, I'm sure all of her... - How we can involve her.

- ...will be so helpful. - [ laughs ] It will.

She's... She can be very creative... Sonja.

That's true.

All right, so should we get started?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Oh, Sonja, hi! - Wow.

I thought this was a comedian walking in.

- [ laughs ] - Little glam.

- Look at you, Ben. - How are you doing?

I was so excited to hear you're involved with this, Ben.

- [ laughs ] - As director.

I wanted to dress a little cool so I wore a Kyle and Kendall.

- You look really cute. - Mmm! Hi, honey.

So what is the protocol when you do the two kisses?

- Left first or right first? - I usually do...

[ kisses ] Right... [ kisses ] left.

- Okay. - Right, left.

I usually get a smear of lipstick from you.

Left, right, three times, twice.

If you're not careful with me,

you might get tongue in your mouth.

And the Swiss actually kiss three times.

- But start on the right. - And then the... the Spaniards,

they just kiss you straight on the month.

- [ laughs ] - But let's talk about that.

That's a good shtick for Sonja and I.

We could even keep going on top of that.

Luann is so high on life, she's like, everything I say

is funny, it's hilarious.

- You are very funny. - 'Cause I'm not in jail.

This is amazing. [ laughter ]

Next thing we know, whatever she eats for breakfast,

she's gonna incorporate it into her comedy.

Oh, my God. Did you see those blueberries?

Okay, Lu. But she's not that funny.

We're gonna work on something. We've already got some ideas.

Thing is, I can't continue to do her life

when I'm building my own life and get paid to do it, okay?

Okay, I told you she was gonna bring up money. [ laughs ]

- So, Luann... - Of course.

- Who doesn't bring up money? - Don't worry.

- You're getting paid. - Actually, you said

I'm getting paid for this next gig you want me to do, right?

You got paid for the last one, though.

- That was hair and makeup. - It's Broadway pay,

but, you know... - [ laughs ] Off Broadway.

It's... yeah, Off Broadway pay.

♪ Nothing ♪

She covers half of my hair and makeup.

So I just do the makeup and my hair myself.

- You guys ready? - Bring 'em in, Roger.

- We need a laugh! - This is Peter Donnelly.

- Hi, Peter. How are you? - Hi, Peter.

[ amplified voice ] Truly an honor to do comedy

in a hotel dining room for three people.

- [ laughter ] - Yes, feeling great about it.

My mom raised to be dramatic. She's kind of like

if Tennessee Williams wrote "Designing Women."

My friend's like, "Oh, Ms. Hunt, what are you gonna do today?"

And she says... [ sultry voice ] "I'm gonna see a movie."

[ chuckles lightly ]

I also work as an SAT and ACT tutor.

My one true purpose is to help Jewish boys

who grew up on the Upper West Side

channel their love of rap music into an essay that will demand

Dartmouth's acceptance. - Yes!

- Okay? - [ laughs ]

All the comedians were good.

They have this certain, you know, sense of humor.

I don't know if y'all can tell, uh, but I'm gay.

Uh, whenever I tell people that, they're always like,

"But you're wearing a hat." [ laughter ]

But this is "Marry F Kill," so it has to be specific

about sex and relationships, so the process is ongoing.

Um, this was great. I'm glad you included me.

- Are you kidding? - Do you guys wanna take a turn?

Come on. [ laughter ]

Give Sonja a shot.

I'm so proud of what Luann has built,

and I'm very excited to be involved,

even if she's not paying me.

[ amplified voice ] Please welcome to the stage

my friend, the hilarious, the gorgeous

Lady Sonja Morgan!

- Whoo! - [ laughs ]

Yes!

One question. Can I call you "The Countess"? [ laughs ]

[ laughs ] Well, you know, some people don't think

I should be called a countess since my divorce.

The question is... which divorce?

- Ah! [ laughs ] - Of course, the first one.

Well, it's time for you to sing.

Show us your tits!

[ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪

No, Mommy, we're not going for a walk right now. Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Come with Mommy?

I'm gonna call Leah.

You guys look like little, like, Muppets.

Who's being cute?

Who's being cute? Hi!

- Hi! - How are you?

Thank you.

I just got back yesterday from Chicago.

I just... I don't know. I was having a wavy look.

It was great. Yeah.

It was so good.

Even though the girls were like, "Just get on a plane

and go see Scott," I still have to, like, play it cool,

but when Scott said, "Get on a plane

with Strawberry and Shortcake and come to Chicago,"

yeah, I was all in.

- I'm in Chicago. - Ooh, it looks so nice.

It's... It's so pretty.

- Is this the apartment? - Yeah, this is... I'm at Scott's.

- Oh, wow. - This sounds so cheesy,

but it felt like home. It felt real.

This, you know, it was good. It's good.

Oh.

- It's scary. - It's scary as hell.

- So will you do me a favor? - Yes.

Will you call and tell Tinsley? If she wants to come, great.

If she doesn't, I don't care.

Oh, stop.

I love stuff like that.

Okay.

Yes. Yay. Fun. And good luck to Kiki and her game.

Okay, bye, babe.

Hi, girl.

Oh. Oh, my good girl.

Coming up...

- Hi! - Hi!

Are you witches on your brooms?

- Hi! - [ roars ]

[ screaming ] [ laughter ]

♪♪♪♪♪

- Where is it? - Um...

- Is it in this building? - Right there.

- Is this a scary clown? - Oh, my God. There's one there.

- [ roars ] - Aah!

- [ roars ] - Aah! No!

- [ growling ] - Don't worry about him.

He's not running. But it's okay. I would have got to him.

- Oh, my God. - [ growling ]

No!

I mean, I was expecting to get attacked by Dorinda tonight,

not a zombie on the damn sidewalk.

So you're laughing a lot. Something must be funny.

Tell me what's so funny right now.

♪♪♪♪♪

- Hi! - Oh, look, we got one.

That's nice. [ laughter ]

There you go. That's right, that's right.

- [ growls ] - Ohh! Oh, God!

I know you want a little dancing!

[ laughter ] Yeah, I'm on it.

I've been trying to get the girls to go to Blood Manor

for two years.

Blood Manor is an institution.

I want you to come to my house. You'd fit in perfectly.

It's scary, and I don't scare easily. I'm the scarer.

Oh, my God!

That's... ing scary!

[ laughter ] - I don't like it!

I don't like it.

Oh, I finally found the man of my dreams.

- [ growling ] - Ooh!

But the blondes always die in the horror movies.

[ laughter ] If you're blonde,

and you show your boobs, you're dead.

Oh, it's kind of my thing, but all right.

[ laughter ]

- [ roars ] - [ screams ] Sh...!

Oh, my God.

- What are... - [ growls ]

- That's amazing. - [ growls ]

I'm sorry. I got so scared. [ laughter ]

If this is what it's like on the outside,

what's it like on the inside?

[ women screaming ]

[ whimpers ]

I hate getting scared. [ laughs ]

I'm crying and laughing. Oh, my God. They're scary.

- [ roars ] - Oh!

- [ yelling ] - Aah! [ laughs ]

- [ growls ] - [ yelling ]

She saw him coming.

Oh, you wore a costume. Cute. [ laughter ]

Hi.

You have another party tonight?

No, I'm going... Well, yeah, I'm going to a birthday party.

- But like that? - A Halloween party.

Yeah. How often can you get dressed up like a cougar?

[ laughter ] Oh!

- I'm a cougar. Of course I can. - Good. I like that.

I'm aspiring to be a cougar like Luann.

Bitches!

- Hi! - Hi!

Don't let her know that the guy is gonna jump out at her.

Are you witches on your brooms?

- [ roars ] - [ screaming ]

[ laughter ] [ yelling ]

- Yeah! - I should've worn a diaper!

- Oh, my God! - Yeah!

- Hey! - Yay!

This is not for me. I'm already high anxiety,

and we haven't had anything to drink.

Okay, all right, you four. All right, come on, come on.

All right, here we go.

Oh, my God. Look at Dorinda's handbag.

Bring it in, bring it in. All right.

Come right here, little friends. Right here, little friends.

The clown is... ing weird.

Like, I don't think he's an actor.

I think he's really... That's him.

- You guys ready? - Oh, God.

You ready for it? All right.

[ thumping ] Oh, no.

Oh, God. Here we go.

All right. Come on.

One, two, three, four.

All right, go in.

- [ roaring ] - [ women screaming ]

Welcome to Blood Manor.

Sometimes you're better off if you don't look.

You don't wanna see it coming now, do you?

Oh, Ramona doesn't wanna see you coming.

[ laughter ]

I wanna myself coming. [ laughs ]

Good luck, guys.

- I thought that... - All right, stay close.

- Stay close. - Come on.

- Stay close. - Aah!

Okay, let's go.

Come on, everybody. [ babbles ]

Sorry, I'm just, like, marching up.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ thunder rumbling ]

[ screaming ]

[ roaring ]

[ screaming ]

They're not here.

Right there, it goes...

That's gross.

- Ew! - Disgusting.

Oh.

Both: We've been waiting for you.

[ cackling ]

Wait. Are these cackling twins Sonja and Ramona?

[ both cackling ]

Ha ha ha ha! Daddy's gonna love you.

Oh, well, thank you.

- Aah! - [ cackling ]

I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here.

Oh, my God!

[ screaming and yelling ]

They were everywhere.

[ yelling ]

[ screaming ]

They dropped from the ceiling. They come through the wall.

- [ yelling ] - [ screaming ]

[ laughter ]

[ whoosh ] - Aah!

- Your eyelashes... - Don't [bleep] with my hair!

Don't [bleep] with my hair!

- [ screaming ] - [ roaring ]

[ cackling ]

I think I could go now, you know?

I almost peed in my pants.

[ screaming ]

Oh! [ laughter ]

I definitely peed myself.

- Oh, I know. - [ laughs ]

♪♪♪♪♪

I feel, like, exhausted from that.

I feel like I could go to the restroom.

- I'm exhausted. - My whole body's shaking.

See if anything came out of my ass.

Ah! Here it is.

Tequila bar?

Hi.

I could definitely use a tequila,

something I'm familiar with...

versus a scary house.

- Is someone else coming? - Oh.

There's like an extra...

- Oh, well, Leah and, uh... - Tinsley.

- Um... - They're going to the restroom.

This is not good. We got one of the girls across from nobody.

Is that right?

- Oh, it's just... - Maybe we should call Scott.

Well, do it quickly 'cause God knows it'll be over

in about five minutes. - [ laughs ]

I know. I think when she... I'm gonna say something

to her on the side. I can't believe she posted about Scott.

- Right. - The most ridiculous thing

she could do, like, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

You know, before you put it on Instagram, maybe tell us,

might be good, especially when she knows...

Especially knowing that we don't like being left out...

- Right. - ...of everything.

This is what Tinsley does.

She's posted on Instagram to the world,

and we find out afterwards that she's back with Scott.

Should we all move down and put somebody at the head?

I'm fine, guys. I'm all good.

Where's my tequila?

So I'm gonna get three of these.

- What are you ordering? - Tuna tartare appetizer.

Uh, what kind of tequila should we have?

You have the, um, Clase Azul?

- Yes, we do. - Okay, so I'll have that.

But you're only having one tonight.

Oh, I should order it myself.

All right.

- Do you have 1942? - Yes.

I'll have that.

I'll have whatever they're having.

All right, well, you know what? Maybe we should make a toast.

To what?

- Scott! - Tinsley and Scott.

Oh, well, isn't it up to her to make a toast?

- All right, hold on. - All right, let's toast to me

and Scott back together. Whoo!

Oh, we have news here.

Today Tinsley told me that they're... this is it.

And she will be getting married, and this is it.

♪♪♪♪♪

Coming up...

Why are you crying?

[ crying ] I don't know. It's just sad to me.

But, Mommy, it's happy.

Everything is changing.

It's all changing.

♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, we have news here.

Today Tinsley told me that they're... this is it,

and she will be getting married, and this is it.

Is there physically like a ring or something right now? No.

Is that definitely happening? Are we getting married?

I just know it. I will be moving to Chicago.

I'm not sure exactly when, but I know,

and I know that we're gonna be together.

And I know that we're making this work.

Well, good, then you're moving to Chicago.

- I am. - That's great!

So you can check out of your hotel finally.

- Perfect. - Well, of course, 'cause if

you move to Chicago... - But listen.

-...then, yes...

We're going to the Berkshires November 4th...

- Okay. - ...5th, 6th...

- And 6th. Okay. - ...and 7th.

All right, good. Are we gonna have Indian Summer again?

'Cause I wanna go in the pool.

For some reason, my relationship is very important at some level,

but then when I'm happy, it's not important.

And we don't wanna talk about it.

I can expect Dorinda to do this with me

and not ask me questions

and just not give me the time of day,

but I'm very disappointed that Sonja and Ramona and Luann

have also sort of fallen

underneath Dorinda's, like, spell with this whole thing.

It's nice to be with girls that I've found myself and...

I think that... that they've been very hard on you.

I think it's unwarranted.

So, girls, are you, like, registering this?

I'm not even... I'm not even... I'm ignoring her.

- Are you register... - No. No, I'm ignoring it.

You have food on your boob. I'm just saying.

It's looking like a reality.

She's making an ass out of all of us...

This whole thing, like, "We're not seeing each other. We are."

It's just not true.

I'm not judgmental. Do whatever you want.

But just don't pull the wool over our eyes.

Well, you know how love can be fleeting...

- No, Luann. - ...and crazy.

- It's always last minute. - I do.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I really wanna make it disappear.

Just don't bring life to it.

Dorinda is shouting in my ear, "Don't talk to Tinsley.

Ignore her." And listen, I'm on a good page with Dorinda, okay?

So guess what? I'm listening to her, okay?

- I'm listening to her. - Is it for real?

- Are you really? - 100%.

- In your heart of hearts, you... - 100%.

Where's the ring?

- Get that ring. - We're on it.

You know I love you. I'm happy for you.

Yeah, that's great, Tins. You'll love Chicago.

I do love Chicago.

It's so great. Like, you just live in a hotel,

so you can pack up and go tomorrow.

But I live in a hotel, but it's also a residential place.

Okay, let me tell you about the, um...

[ mocking voice ] Oh, yeah, let me tell ya.

I mean, you're so cool, Dorinda. I know.

I'm really happy. I'm truly happy that you're happy for me.

- Thank you. - Wow, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

- I got a turkey baster. - Really happy.

Maybe you could actually have a baby. I...

- What does that mean? - [ laughs ]

- You just look like a... - Oh, come on.

...a mean person.

I think Tinsley gets so much sh... already

about her relationship with Scott.

At this point, it's overkill.

Well, at least you don't have any questions.

The skeleton is out of the box.

♪♪♪♪♪

Come on.

I believe this is it for you.

- Yeah. - I do believe it.

And if at the end of the day,

you guys can live happily ever after, God bless.

- You know? - We will.

Take it down, take it down. Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah. Here we go. - Whoo!

Oh, my God. Look at those hips.

I mean, this is actually déclassé behavior.

Just give Tinsley this, like, none little moment,

like, give her this one moment

that she's been waiting for, fighting for.

Just give it to her. But no, they can't.

- All right, girls, let's go. - We're gonna go.

Well, that was fun.

This was, like, pretty much

probably the best night I've ever had in my life.

- Oh, my God. Good for you. - Yeah, it was so good.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hi. How are you? Oh, I love that dress.

- Thank you. - So Sonja, actually.

Is it?

Nice to meet you.

This is exciting.

- Hello. - Well, hello. Hi.

- How are you? - Mwah.

- How have you been? - Good.

- Yeah? Nice to see you. - Nice to see you.

- Hi, Sonja. - Remember Heather?

- How are you? - Hi, Heather.

- Hi. - Hi. I'm Lulu.

- Michael. Nice to meet you, Lulu. How are you?

- Heather. Nice to meet you. - Okay. Sure.

You wanna have a seat over here?

Love it.

So far, I've only had phone calls with Century 21,

but this last fashion show...

[ cheers and applause ]

...blew them away,

and now they wanna sell my collection, of course.

So, um, I sent some pieces ahead, as you see.

- We just got those. - We love everything.

We were just taking a look at them.

The quality is incredible.

This is a big moment for me. I kinda wanna pinch myself.

Century 21's known for luxury for less,

top designers discounted.

That's my brand identification.

Like, the fashion show was really what...

There was no more questions after that.

- We had to get you in. - I felt that on the phone.

I just couldn't believe it.

When you guys called, I was so excited.

So we wanna do something special.

Downtown, our flagship, over 200,000 square feet store,

we feel that we can carve out a front and center space

for Sonja By Sonja Morgan.

On top of that, we wanna also carry this

in the Herald Square store.

I'm trying to be so serious in this meeting,

but inside, I'm dying.

But I really need to crawl before I walk,

and this basically is just walking,

getting into a retail space,

but they struck some chords in me

that make me feel comfortable.

And I think the long-term thinking here

is that obviously if this goes well,

um, for the clothing line, of course,

we wanna roll this out to all of our stores.

So we think that this is a huge opportunity for us.

- Mm-hmm. - I would hope for both of us,

of course. - Of course, yeah.

Now I can see the green! It's coming.

I need to stay calm. I don't wanna blow this sh... up.

So in... in terms of next steps, we're moving fast,

so I know that the buying team

has been in touch with your team.

- Mm-hmm. - We're going to,

in the next two weeks, I believe, be placing the order.

We're already working on getting that sent here.

All right, so it's very exciting.

I'm ready to start the next chapter.

Yeah.

Coming up...

So I'm having 60 girlfriends.

- Why don't you do it with her? - Hers is the 25th.

- It's my birthday. - Now it's yours.

It's my birthday.

It's my birthday and her birthday, too.

So I'll bring the cake for you.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hello.

So glad you're coming with me.

I'm so glad, too. Sonja coming?

[ car door closes ] Yeah. She's probably

running a little late like she always does.

♪♪♪♪♪

Look at Sonja.

Where do I get in?

This way. I'll sit in the middle.

Although I have the worst legs.

Sure, have me get in on the traffic side so I get killed.

No, I could give you extra legroom, baby.

Oh. Thank you.

So let me just put my seat belt on. Let me see.

We should all put our seat belts on.

[ cellphone buzzes ] - Hello, boat man. How are ya?

I refer to you as the boat man. [ laughs ]

I'm riding in a car with my two girlfriends.

We're gonna go look at this warehouse.

This gentleman named Larry Scott...

He does, um, great event planning.

I'm having a party... My own birthday party

as I always do, but this time's gonna be different

because I just wanna celebrate me with my girlfriends.

Okay, boat man. Bye.

- Who's that? - My boat man. [ sniffles ]

- He's got a very deep and... - He has a very sexy voice.

- Very sexy. - Yeah, he's very sexy.

Where are we going, guys? What's the address?

What's our address of the warehouse?

Bethpage?

Bethpage? Oh, that's, like, Long Island, right?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Oh, God.

Sonja and I thought we were stopping by a warehouse...

in Manhattan.

♪♪♪♪♪

We didn't know that we were basically going to the Hamptons.

I would've packed contacts.

♪♪♪♪♪

All right, girls, we're here.

Let's see it. Let's see where the master does his work.

- I've got my glasses on now. - This is where it all begins.

The man! Did you get slimmer and taller on me?

No, I'm always slim and tall. How are you?

Wow. You're looking better than ever.

- Put my balls back. - We're eating the balls.

What is all this?

We didn't put these out for you. This is always out.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Larry Scott is the premiere party planner

of all of New York City, all of Long Island,

all of the Hamptons. I money, this man is major.

I love my girlfriends, and last year, my girlfriend

threw a party for me, but she basically did the list,

so I definitely excluded some really good girlfriends,

like these are my two very good girlfriends.

I love them more than anything. I really do. I love them.

I'm gonna have such a fun birthday lunch.

I wanted to add Sonja if there's space. No? Okay.

- No? - No.

Okay, I'm not gonna ask, right.

That's not bullsh... You know, I do love you,

and I messed up last year, so this year...

But she also disinvited me, but that's all right.

So this year, I'm inviting all my girlfriends,

which is about 60. So we're having 60 girlfriends.

They're coming about 7:00 at night.

At our age, we have 60 girlfriends

that we care about? - Yeah.

I know Ramona is a great friend, and she has so many girlfriends,

but if she says one more time she has 60 girlfriends,

I'm gonna vomit. - We love everybody we love.

So I'm throwing it at Scarpetta.

- Yeah. - 'Cause it's one

of my favorite places... Scarpetta,

the one on Madison. - Mm-hmm.

And they have a beautiful room. This is why I need your magic.

- So what's your vision? - Okay, so I'm kind of thinking

sophisticated jungle or tropical.

How about Thailand tropical?

Why don't you do with her? Hers is the 25th.

No, this is my own party. This is for me.

It's my coming-out party. I'm single. I'm embracing it.

You said it was for all your girlfriends,

and now it's yours. - It's my birthday.

- Yeah, but it's hers... - And my birthday

and her birthday, too. - So I'll bring a cake for you.

Why don't we just do all our birthdays together?

- No, no, no. - Why not make it

a joint party with Sonja? Sonja is your friend...

Your real friend, and quite frankly,

Sonja needs it.

I'm giving you an opportunity to be kind.

Show a kind gesture.

I have my own list, my own friends. I'm sorry.

I love you. This is my special birthday party.

- Should I step out of this one? - You disinvited us last year.

- Sonja... - That's why you shouldn't

do it all together. - Sorry, this is about me.

It's like, these last couple of years,

Ramona wants the whole spotlight to herself.

How hard is it for Ramona to say,

"Yes, I can share the party with Sonja"?

This is me giving back to all my girlfriends

that I've had for 30 years.

Very important to me. It's costing me a lot of money,

and I don't care that I don't have a guy in my life

to pay for it. I'm not married.

I'm making a statement.

No, he's gonna do... Give me a good price.

You know, I would like a lot of things that Ramona does.

It's the "Let's Make a Deal."

I don't do "Let's Make a Deal" in my life.

I give a credit card.

Here. So this was at Cipriani's, like more...

- Yeah, see, that look. - Yeah, this was for, uh...

That's why I call it my coming out party, yes.

- Well, the party you did was... - Coming out single.

Well, at the coming out party, next, before you know it,

we'll be celebrating "I got my first period" party.

[ laughter ]

You know what I think?

They don't have as many girlfriends as I do.

They can't gather up a list like this in two seconds.

So maybe it's a little, um, resentment,

and they're a little jealous.

That's all I can... chalk it up to.

Go with me. Table.

Dark red tablecloth,

maybe a woman covered in sushi like in "Sex and the City."

No, they wouldn't eat... Well, then, ew, ew, ew!

- I wanna vomit. [ laughs ] - Me, too.

What about Venice ball theme?

I don't like any of those ideas.

So basically this is... This is my idea.

A party where there's no formal seating.

I've done lunches before where it was 50 women,

30 women, and it's, like, 2 long tables. I don't wanna do that.

Basically, I want women to just kind of be able to sit

wherever they wanna sit and eat, mingle,

'cause they all love to talk, 'cause I don't like doing...

Sometimes they get a little clique-y,

so we have to take the attention all off them

and make sure that the attention's on you.

So if this is the whole room, I think we create this

as the center. This is the radius of the room,

and this is where Ramona holds court... right in the center.

She's the chandelier.

It's always the Ramona show.

For God's sakes, I barely

celebrate Jesus Christ himself that much.

And menu-wise, I'm gonna do,

like, some maybe great giant shrimp.

I feel like I've been kidnapped.

Crudités and cheeses and great breadsticks.

Like, what are we doing here? How did this happen?

And we're stuck in some warehouse

5 billion miles away from our house

on a Wednesday afternoon,

being ignored, overdosing on sugar.

All right, sorry about the little hecticness.

- Oh, don't worry about it. - You know?

- It's all that sugar. - It's all good.

- Take that stuff. - It's all that sugar.

No more sugar for these girls.

Wait. Did you want... do a video or something?

Dorinda, come here. Do a picture quick.

Sonja, I need you for a minute.

It's a little something for our little social media.

And now we have to do a promo piece

for Larry Scott's business.

- Here, eat this. Eat this. - Here. This is the room.

Tommy, wrong side. You gotta go from that side.

If I were gonna take up someone's full day

and them have them do a promo piece,

I swear I'd make that clear.

Save the bullsh... For your Hamptons friends

and all that fancy group. You got the wrong audience here.

Let's go. Let's go back.

Bye, Lar!

♪♪♪♪♪

Coming up...

- Ron, you're early. - Yes.

We feel like... It's...

Did you double-book again?

- You double-booked us? - Triple...

♪♪♪♪♪

I can't wait to see your game on Monday.

I don't even think I'm gonna play.

It's the playoffs. You're in it, definitely.

♪♪♪♪♪

[ knock on door ]

- Hi! - Hi.

Hi. Mwah. Hi.

- How are you? - Good.

I'm juicing. Look.

Oh, boy.

Did you get a new one?

No, this is ours. This is the one I've had, yeah.

No, I always use the...

I'm, like, testing out recipes.

That's so loud.

[ whirring loudly ]

That's for Kier.

[ whirring continues ]

- It looks gross. - Now I'm putting in the kale.

- It's not gross. - What is that?

- That's all the... - That looks gross.

Being the mom of a teenager, you are reminded every day...

Ugh.

...that you're not cool. That's basically what it's like.

All right.

Bottoms up.

♪♪♪♪♪

- [ laughs ] - It's really healthy.

Oh, really? I've never had one.

You've never had a green juice, Rob?

No, ever. This is my first time.

- No, are you serious right now? - Swear to God.

You've even had green juice when you were a kid.

Not bad.

- It's pretty good, isn't it? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's kind of hard for a lot of people to understand

me and Rob's relationship, but we're just like

a married couple, an amazing one at that,

except we don't live at the same address,

and we don't [bleep].

- Do you like my tree? - What happened to it?

It's, um, like a statement piece.

- Time for a new one, I think. - No, I know. I'm just kidding.

Actually, can you help me throw it out right now?

Actually, take this whole plant. I don't want this.

You've never had to take care of this.

- I don't... it's just... - Take what whole thing?

- That big pot? - I don't want it.

- Yeah, you paid... - What?

- What is that? - You're such a waster.

You just throw it... Would you throw it in the, um...

- Yeah. - You're a waster, Mom.

- I'm not a waster. - I mean, you should just put

a new plant there.

It's great to have Rob around, obviously, to co-parent,

but to also do the man things that I don't wanna do...

except the one man thing, which he doesn't do,

and I have batteries for that.

Do you really want me to take this plant or no?

- Yes. - Really?

Can you literally take it? Thank you.

- I'm not taking that big pot. - All right, bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

All right.

[ laughs ]

- That's not funny. - Ooh! My baby.

- Wait. Mom, Mom. - [ squeals and kisses ]

Mom.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hello. How are you?

- You look so beautiful. - How are you? You, too.

Wait. Are you thinner than me? It's a competition here.

- Uh... - Like, I just take the boobs...

You know, you're looking good.

Well, I'm wearing more tight... My goal is just...

- How do I look? - Well, you look great.

So I would like to have in your large glass,

Tito's Vodka, ice, and Pellegrino right to the top,

or club soda, and a straw and a lime wedge on the side.

- [ singsongy ] Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Hi. - Hey, gorge, how are ya?

- Hi. Mwah. How are you? - I love this hair on you.

So... I just wanna say I want you to be happy.

- That's all I wanna say. - Yeah.

Whatever you wanna do, just be happy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.

I felt really badly, the way I ignored Tinsley,

listening to Dorinda when we were at the restaurant.

So, girls, are you, like, registering this?

- I'm having a great time. - I'm right... I'm ignoring it.

So I said to her, "Listen, why don't you meet me

"for drinks at TBar?

Let's make a toast to you being back with Scott,"

because I am genuinely happy for her.

Look, a lot's happened really fast,

and obviously, I have loved Scott...

- I know. - ...for a long time.

And I've been down this road before.

- Right. - And I just know

- Boo! - ...this is where...

Aah! [ laughter ]

- This is how... - I couldn't help myself.

- Hi. - Hey.

- Mmm. - How are you?

- Good. - Hey, girls.

Oh, this is fun.

It means a lot to me that Luann and Ramona

both reached out to me about

the whole mean girls episode in Añejo.

You know, if they wanna hear about Scott

and talk about the happiness I'm feeling right now

in my relationship,

I am more than willing to share it and talk about it.

Of course. Bring him in to...

Ron, you're early.

- We said, like... - Yes.

- Did you double-book again? - [ laughs ]

- You double-booked us? - Triple...

This is typical Ramona. I mean, look,

at least she cares, like, this much.

I mean, I can say that that's better

than a lot of the other girls.

- How are you? - I'm good. [ kisses ]

We used to party at Beautique together.

- You don't remember. - Oh, my gosh.

- I do remember your face. - Yes.

- How could I forget you? - I've met you, too,

- I think with Harry Dubin. - No.

- Who? - We had dinner at Bilbo

together, yes, when Harry was with us.

We met at the Regency of all places.

- Oh, God, not the Regency. - We're just catching up.

Yeah.

Your mother must be over the moon.

You know what? She's so happy about me and Scott

being, like, together, but she's a little, like,

this happened so fast, that she's, like...

- Right. - "Wait. You're leaving me

New York, like, right now?"

You're coming for Halloween, right?

What do you mean?

Why would you not come for Halloween?

I think I'm gonna be having Halloween in Chicago.

I mean, I'm really, like, moving tomorrow.

- Oh, you are? - What do you mean?

I feel like Tinsley's moving really fast with Scott,

and I'm happy for her,

but I wished she'd stay a couple of days.

This Halloween party that I'm planning

is gonna be over the top,

and I thought we could, like, celebrate her going off.

It's exciting. Like, it's also just really fun

that he's, like, talking about, you know,

building out my closet and, like, all these...

He's cleaning out a closet for you?

No, he's building out, like, taking a room over.

- That's huge. That's big. - Like, building out

a closet for me. - That is commitment.

Another room's being... The other bathroom's being

taken over for a glam room, like a place to, like,

get my hair washed and do the whole thing.

- I'm telling you. - I'd rather have that

than an engagement ring. - This is... I know!

- That's more of a commitment. - This is what I'm saying.

When a guy's willing to give a room for a closet...

- Yes. - ...and a bathroom for glam?

- Yes. - All right, girl.

- See? Thank you. - This is good.

- Cheers to that. - That's good. That's good.

I'm telling you. So good.

When a man builds you a closet, that says a lot.

Listen, I have a girlfriend.

She's been dating this guy for seven years.

There's still no closet for her, okay?

There is bigger hope than I thought now for this working.

So, Tinsley, I'm so happy that

we got this little quiet time with you.

I only want the best for you. I really do.

- Thank you. I know you do. - I couldn't be happier for you

that you're following your gut and your instinct.

- Yeah. - We want all the best for you.

- Thank you. - 'Cause we love you.

And we'll miss you so much. I want you to know that.

Thank you, and I'll miss you, too.

But we're always here for you. You could always come back.

And you guys can come to Chicago.

It could be next week, the week after,

whatever you want, baby. Mmm, we're here for you, always.

- Yeah. - And we wanna see that ring.

- Okay? - Yeah, okay.

- Let's toast... - We wanna sing that ring.

- Let's toast to your happiness. - Thank you.

May all your wishes and rainbows come true, baby.

- Yeah. - [ laughs ] Thank you.

- Cheers. - Well, yeah. Thank you.

[ horn honks ]

Coming up...

Oh, my God! Dale!

- My favorite girl in the world. - Hi.

- [ laughs ] - Ohh!

Look out!

♪♪♪♪♪

- What should I pack first? - Mom, when you first...

I'm not sure what's going where.

I know, I know. Just hold on.

Some things are going in storage in Palm Beach,

some things are going into Newport storage.

- Right. - And then things to Chicago.

Of course.

[ rattle, clink ]

Oh, look at that little baby cup.

- Wait, what? - I remember when you...

[ voice breaking ] took a little...

[ clink ]

Why are you crying?

[ crying ] I don't know. It's just sad to me,

'cause you've always been on the East Coast,

and now you're...

you're going somewhere else.

But, Mommy, it's happy, and it's really good.

I know it's happy.

And I love Chicago, and I love Scott,

and I'm excited. - I know.

Everything is changing. It's all changing.

It's good, Mom.

With Scott, so much has happened so fast.

- Hey. - [ laughs ] Hi. Tinsley.

Hi. I'm Scott. Nice to see you. How are you? Good to see you.

- Nice to meet you. - [ laughs ]

- Oh, my God! [ laughs ] - Oh!

[ screams ]

I should Insta this, and then I'll freak Scott out.

- Scott and I broke up. Hi. - Oh, really?

[ crying ] I'm miserable!

I'm literally... ing miserable!

Don't curse.

Going back out with Scott is a huge move in your life.

Why are you crying?

Because I don't think it's going to end up... well.

But I know that if I don't take this moment right now,

I'll regret it for the rest of my life,

and I have to listen to myself and what I want and nobody else.

[ knock on door ]

Hi!

- Hi, honey. - Hey.

I'm so happy to see you. I'm so glad.

- I know. Hi. How are you? - I'll miss you.

- Oh, my God. - Isn't it cute? Hi!

Uh, things are, like, a little bit moved and things.

- Yeah. - But, yeah, no, I just...

- Hi, Dale. How are you? - Hi, girl, how you doing?

So nice to see you. You look beautiful.

You wanna come sit?

Oh, my God, look at you in this picture

with your bangs. - Oh, my God. Oh. [ laughs ]

That's so sweet.

That was, like, my look forever.

- Do you want some? - Yeah.

But I can't open it. I'm such a weirdo.

- Let the pro do it. - I get scared to open it.

[ pop ]

- Whoo! - Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Fairy tales! [ laughter ]

Champagne!

As sad as I am that Tinsley's leaving,

I'm just so happy for her.

I used to think she was crazy

for wanting to be the fairy tale, not the legend,

and now I feel like I would love to have even just 10%

of Tinsley's optimism and just believe in love.

- It's really sweet. - Hi, guys.

- Hi! - Hey!

You're just in time for the champagne.

- Oh, my God! Dale! - My girl!

I scooped up everything off the floor

for my girl Leah and her daughter.

- This is my favorite girl. - Thank you.

- My favorite girl in the world. - What? What is this?

She... She brought me stuff.

- Look out! - Oh! Oh!

- What happened? - Not at all.

Don't wreck the place before I leave.

At this point, I'm putting all my doubts in the past.

This girl is packed and going. She is so happy,

and I only want the best for her.

Get ready, Chi-Town, because you've got the Tins on her way.

Your hair looks so cute. I love this girl.

- She's been so good to my girl. - Aw.

And you guys are good to me.

No, she took my girl in when I...

- Oh, God. - She was coming to New York.

No, it makes me sad. She was coming to New York,

and I didn't want her to be here by herself,

and Sonja said, "Come stay with me,"

and I thank you and you know I always...

But it's all worked out.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited.

They're the best friends.

I don't really know how to date.

So I'm gonna put on your list "overnight tycoon hedge fund."

- Good luck. - Perfect. [ laughs ]

I'm very thankful. You're a very generous and kind girl.

- I love you girls. - And you know I love ya.

- You know you're family. - I know.

And all I wanted for Tinsley was to be safe...

- I know. You always said that. - ...and to get her own dog.

- That's right. - But she got two.

[ laughter ] To develop her brand again,

and she's back in fashion shows. - Yes.

- And she's doing her charities. - Throw a man into the mix.

- Exactly. - And she's really happy.

- [ laughs ] - Yeah, I know.

I, of course, am gonna miss, you know,

my new friendship with Leah and Sonja's crazy antics with me.

Sonja's always felt, in a way, like an older sister,

even sometimes my mom, and it's just nice

to, like, have a pat on the back, you know?

All right, guys, I gotta get going.

- Okay. - But I wanna do a toast.

- Aw. - To Tinsley,

to love, to fairy tales coming true.

- And to me and Dale. - And... And to my girl.

Oh, that's right. Scott's coming, too.

[ laughter ]

What's important is Strawberry and Shortcake, you and Scott.

And Mommy.

- No. - And the embryos.

What is the expiration date on these eggs? Nothing, right?

They're good. They're good to go.

Oh, my God.

♪♪♪♪♪

Girlies...

You ready?

Here we go.

I have changed so much since coming back to New York

and moving into Sonja's town house.

Let's go, girls.

I mean, I had thought that coming back to New York

was immediately going to trigger me back to the old Tinsley

that lived in New York.

Come on, girlies. Come here. We're going to Chicago.

It's taken me a little bit of time,

but I finally feel like myself again.

I feel confident again.

Welcome to the Big Apple Circus. [ cheers and applause ]

Go, Tinsley, go, Tinsley!

Oh, my God!

Yeah, Tinsley!

[ cheers and applause ]

Strut it, baby! Strut it!

I don't think any of it would have happened

without all the little bumps along the way.

It's good. You'll be the Chicago babies. So good.

Thank you, mugshot, thank you, Sonja,

thank you, townhouse,

thank you everybody else I met along the way,

and, you know, it's just... It's been a great ride,

and I'm just so happy for where I am right now,

and so excited for my future.

Still to come this season

on "The Real Housewives of New York City"...

Shots fired!

How do you even do this?

- You have to wear this tonight. - Oh, my God!

Now what do I do? Switch toilet paper.

Aah! [ laughs ]

Is that alive?

Look at this. Luann.

Oh, my God, there's a baby turd. There's a baby turd.

Whoo!

Her vagina smiled at me.

♪♪♪♪♪

How gorgeous. Oh, my God.

[ yelling ]

Oh, my God, look at Dorinda go.

Who can believe that Luann has the courage to get back on up?

I have a camel toe right now.

[ all cheering ]

Take a deep breath.

- Aah! - Oh, sh...!

It's a huge needle.

Do you think it's nice when you have a good girlfriend,

they say right away, "Are you drunk?"

Guess what? If you're gonna start this drama...

But we're still planning to go.

I don't need you in my show.

She's an unaccountable bitch.

Dorinda, you know everything, don't you?

Really? Be gracious.

- It's not reasonable. - Anger management.

Take a look in the mirror, Please look in the mirror.

- I'm sorry. - Why did she do this?

"My 60 friends... They were there for me."

They'll never be there for you. We will!

- That's true. - Well, that's why I...

So shut the [bleep] up about them!

- You hurt me. - You're talking about my vagina

to half the Upper East Side.

I don't talk about it. You're talking about it.

You're being hard on that girl.

No.

I cheapen the group of friends? Bitch, I elevate the sh...

Whoo!

Stop, stop.

- Cameras down. We're done. - You're being psychotic!

We're done.

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org