Original subtitles

Previously on...

- I started dating this guy, bruce, in March,

and he has three children, he has two ex-wives,

the whole thing. - Wow.

- So I was like, "I need some alone time with you."

- you have anything that you'd like to share about yourself?

- Well, I'll share that yesterday and last night

was very hard for me not to drink.

As much as I don't wanna drink,

I'd like to get back in the game with the girls.

- My dad called me and was like,

"your mother doesn't wanna talk to right now."

I told her that I did end up drinking.

- What did she say when you told her?

You're the one who told... - She didn't say anything.

It was a text.

- You don't do things like that by text.

- I've always lived there. - I saw you in January,

and a week later, you had dinner with scott.

- I don't give a [bleep] what you think then about that.

- Is this you being your big, tough... [ speaks indistinctly ]

'cause it's failing.

- Sonja sent me pajamas to wear tonight.

- Wait. What? - I was supposed to wear this.

- Oh! - And if this is what

you were supposed to look like, then terrible!

- It's pretty damn hard to stay mad at sonja.

- Hey, sonja. - No! No! No!

♪♪♪

- I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.

♪♪♪

- I'm no one's accessory. I'm the whole lifestyle brand.

- I don't need to find love. I love myself.

- I may float like a butterfly, but I sting like a bitch.

- Life isn't a fairy tale,

but I'm hoping mine's the exception.

- Raise the curtain. Lower the lights.

I'm taking center stage in my life.

♪♪♪

- hi. - Hi!

Welcome to tavern. How are we doing today?

- Thank you. How are you? - Good.

This is our beautiful courtyard. - Great.

- There's already a table here for ya.

- Awesome. Thank you. - You're very welcome.

- Perfect.

♪♪♪

- hello. - Oui, jacques!

Ca va? - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- mwah!

Mmm. Good to see you. - Mai oui.

- How's it going? - Super well.

- Ah, good to see you. - Super well.

- Jacques and I had been together for 4 1/2 years,

and he came into my life when I just got divorced,

my kids were teenagers.

I missed you. [ laughs ] - I missed you, too.

- [ humming, laughing] - [ humming ]

- oh, my god.

- Jacques, I'm wondering if you have a twin brother.

- Two things I know...

I love new york and I love luann.

These are the two things I know. - Ohh!

- Aw! - This is huge.

- Aw! - Ah!

- You know, jacques and I have a really healthy relationship

he checks in with me, and I do the same.

But now jacques is engaged, and that makes me happy.

To see jacques happy makes me happy.

That's all I want for him.

- So? - So?

- How's it going? - It's going very well.

What's the latest? - My probation is over.

You know, I feel like... - So that done? Probation?

- Probation is done.

It feels good to finally be able to move forward,

you know, with this part of my life,

which has been basically the last two years of my life.

- So next? What next?

- For the moment, I've been kinda taking it day by day.

But, you know, I'm with the girls a lot

and they like to drink, and, you know...

- Yeah.

- ...Sometimes, I get very tempted.

I've kind of made a promise to myself

that I'm not drinking right now

because I just finished my probation.

- Mm. - You know what I mean?

And I'm not making a decision either way.

But I keep going back and forth in my mind, you know?

Can I go back to having some wine with dinner?

You know, it's... it's been such a part of my life

for such a long time. - You're asking a...

You're asking a wine merchant. - No, I know.

- You're gonna... - So... no, what do you think?

- A-a good glass... - You know what?

- A good glass of red wine, if you can manage to have one.

And that's the key...

- Right. - ...To, uh, balance that.

- Not two, huh?

[ laughs ] - one.

One or none. But, you know, I tell you,

I'm not worried because I know how strong you are.

Whatever you decide, it will be the plan,

and you will follow the plan

and you will do what you need to do.

So I'm not worried about nothing.

- Having the support of jacques means the world to me

because he knows me so well.

And I know whatever I decide to do, he has my back.

How's the comedy thing going? I mean, I'm excited about

this, uh, event we have... It's next week already.

- Yeah. - Are you ready?

- Of course I'm ready. I'm always ready.

- Well, you know what? - And you're ready.

- I have no worries you're gonna kill it

because you were so good at the gotham comedy club.

I loved it. - Thank you.

- I recently got involved with a friend of mine

who has a podcast, "chanel in the city,"

and I'm cohosting an event with her

which is gonna feature comedians.

So I thought, jacques would be perfect

because he's recently doing stand-up.

What I'm doing is, I'm gonna try out some new comedy

that I can use in "marry f kill."

I'm excited about our new show.

- "marry f kill." - "marry f kill," baby,

it's always about the countess, but...

- Yeah.

- ...The countess now being a little naughty.

- You're gonna have to make a guest appearance.

- Absolutely. - You would...

Would you like that? - Of course. Of course.

- That would be amazing. - Yeah, of course.

- Bltc wedge salad. - Oh, awesome. That's perfect.

I'm gonna ask for lots of ground pepper.

So the show is, like, all new.

You know, I'm doing "feelin' jovani" live,

now which is my new dance song. You have to...

Oh, my god. Hold on.

I can't believe you haven't heard "feelin' jovani."

[ drumroll]

[ "feelin' jovani" playing ]

♪ feelin' jovani ♪

[ volume increases ]

♪ feelin' jovani ♪

[ laughs ]

- ♪ feelin' jovani ♪ [ laughing ]

that's the best question ever! [ music stops ]

- you're feeling jovani. I'm just asking, I'm like,

"who's jovani?" - oh, wait, wait.

Who's who? Who's who? - Jovani.

- [ imitates italian accent ] jovani. [ laughs ]

- jovani! [ speaks italian ] - ay! [ speaks italian ]

- I can do it in italian accent, huh? Perdona per favore.

- Oh! [ laughs ]

♪♪♪

- there she is! My old townhouse.

Aw.

Amazing.

I can't believe I put in this gate, and it's still good.

Today, I've decided I'm going to go on full mrs. Medley

and visit my old haunts.

Is len in there? Len, I'm home!

The townhouse was a very special place

for not only me and richard but for our family.

He carried me over the threshold,

through the front door.

We had a huge garden. We had beautiful dinners there.

We hosted parties.

Everybody from mrs. Clinton to madeleine albright

to desmond tutu have all walked through these doors.

I hope you miss me. I miss you.

It just was a really beautiful, growing, loving time for us.

Hello.

Back home. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- how are you? - Welcome back.

- Nice to see you, my dear.

Lookit, you don't probably remember,

but richard gave me this here... - I know.

- ...On my 5-year anniversary. Remember?

- Yes. I miss you.

- Richard and I would go to nello's

every single week together, on a Wednesday.

- Hi, gorgeous.

- Hey!

I would always get all dressed up,

pick out my jewelry.

Ramona singer! - Hi, girls!

- It was just so much fun.

That's when I was really mrs. Medley.

- Hi, guys. - Hi.

- Hi. We all love jon. Let's toast to jon.

- Just a drink, jon. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- jon lived richard.

- Yeah. I do, too.

- Ever since dorinda's been renovating

all this damage in the berkshires,

it's really dredging up a lot with her.

She's, like, talking about richard nonstop.

[ air hissing ]

why's your hand shaking? What's wrong? Put up your hand.

That's my special drink I have to do now.

- Why you shaking?

- Oh, because I haven't had food for three days.

- Why?

- I'm doing this liquid fast now,

because I went to put my dress on for the fashion show,

and I broke the zipper. Ugh. [ sighs ]

I do this detox occasionally.

For five days, I just do liquids, soups, teas

with an occasional snack bar or an olive.

- I'm gonna have the beef carpaccio

with extra heart of palm. It's so delicious.

- I'm dying.

Day three is the worst day of a fast.

- Okay, I'll the the striped bass, no butter.

That sounds excellent. - Your hands would shake, too,

if you were on day three of just liquids.

- Well, that fashion show was incredible, sonja.

- Yes. Congratulations.

- You should be super proud of yourself.

[ cheers and applause ]

- whoo! - Yeah!

Ooh, I love that one.

- Thank you. - And I loved the way

you diffused the thing with leah,

to put it on to model that. [ laughter ]

you just diffused it completely.

- I just thought, cause leah doesn't wear

these little sparkly numbers that the other girls wear,

that she would like the casual twinset.

I love it. That's why I have my name on it.

- Oh, that looks delicious, ramona.

Food's so good here, isn't it?

- I mean, it just could not be any worse.

These girls are dining out on for food...

- Ah! Amazing. - Looks delicious.

- ...And I'm eating this putrid-looking soup.

What I wouldn't give right now for a truffle pasta.

- Here's the weird thing that I find interesting,

'cause leah and I had a great talk the other night.

- How nice. - Yeah.

'cause she's actually an interesting...

- No, she is. - Person.

- I'm curious, like, with you and tinsley.

We see her so differently.

And you know her longer than I do, obviously.

- I don't know her. That's the problem. Because...

- I mean, if you can get across in a way where she's able

to, like, really hear it, then you'll have...

[ speaks indistinctly ] - yeah.

- And she'll be able to really... Maybe, like,

see where you're coming from. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

she said, "it's funny because tinsley's, like,

very open with me, and I go out with her all the time."

so I said, "the strange thing is, if you ask tinsley

a question, it's hard to get an answer."

it's frustrating.

She doesn't wanna engage with us at that level.

- But your delivery is...

- well, my delivery's horrible anyway.

I feel like leah has access to tinsley is a different way

than maybe I have or even the group has.

So maybe she'll provide some sort of comfort level

or connection that will bring us back together.

- So who's going to luann's to see jacques?

- I'm going. I'm going. - Great!

- She's saying that she's in a god place,

so I wanna support her. - Is she not drinking?

- Um, I think that she goes day by day,

and I think, right now, she's not drinking.

And I liked her honesty. - That's true.

She says, "yeah, you know what? Every day's a day.

But right now, I feel better without it.

So, but she's not committed to long-term?

- I think to commit long-term

is setting you up for failure.

I think it's better to say, "you know what?

"I feel better not drinking."

if luann wants to drink again, that's her choice.

I mean, she's a big girl. She's a responsible woman.

You know, as long as she doesn't get out of control.

- No, you ordered pasta, but you ate very little.

That's why you're a size 0, and I'm a size 6.

I'm a full-figured lady.

- We'll, you saw my boobs. You were like, "oh, my god."

- I know. They're really, like, luscious and big.

- She comes in, I was topless. She goes, "oh, wow!"

I was like, "oh, god! No!"

- I was getting a little tired on.

- Oh, my god! [ laughs ]

- am I embarrassing you?

- Coming up... - When are we gonna be able

♪♪♪

to see some money? - Okay, so - hi. How are you? - How many for today?

- I have two of us. - All right.

[ speaks indistinctly ] - thank you.

Okay, thank you. - Thank you.

Ah.

- Cool. - [ chuckles ]

I've never been here. - I know.

You know, I walk past it a lot,

but I just never come here.

Also, there's, like, a farmers' market on weekends,

and people come to get...

People that cook, you know?

Come to get vegetables. - You mean herbs?

- Herbs. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- like, all these, like, head cooks

and have, like... Things I don't do, but yeah.

- Can I get you ladies anything to drink?

- I would love a glass of pinot grigio, please?

- Okay.

- I would like a glass of sauvignon blanc.

- You got it. - Thank you.

- My mom always loves to come to town.

Oh, thank you.

But now, she has a whole other excuse to be here.

You know, she's gotta come see the babies.

- Oh, you're so precious.

- She's a grandmother, and these are here grandchildren.

And who knows if she's ever gonna have any other ones?

- Cheers, hon. - Cheers. Thanks, mom.

Thanks for being here.

- Thanks for having me. - Thanks for being here

and taking care of my doggies, too, in albany.

- You know, I love 'em... - I know.

- ...But they're a lot of work. - I know.

You had them when I went to go see bruce

for, like, a second.

- Speaking of... - And then...

It's done. - Oh.

Oh! R-really? - Yes.

- Seriously? - Totally.

I broke up with bruce.

It was almost, like, a mature ending.

I don't hate him. He doesn't hate me.

We just said, "done!"

weird, but it's done.

- In never even met him!

- Maybe that was all for the bets, but, um...

- I just couldn't imagine you wanting to live in chicago.

Although, of course, you had another chicago boyfriend...

- Well, that was the weirdest thing about it.

Part of my even attraction to bruce in the very beginning

was that he was a chicago guy. So I was like...

- You're kidding. - The jab at scott.

- Oh.

- Pretty much, I just wanted to be in chicago and...

Probably... I don't know.

Bump into scott? I don't know, I know.

I developed full feelings for bruce.

He just still hasn't seemed to make any sort of time for me.

Tinsley, it's because his life is set.

He doesn't really need you and the complications of a girl

who's never had children and all of that in his life,

I don't think.

- So you're saying I'm complicated?

- No, what I'm saying is, he problem has decided,

"uh, this is too much for me."

- my mom just has this way of saying things.

It's like, "why does bruce wanna be with

a 44 year old with no kids?"

I thought I was, like, the prize of bruce.

I mean... Probably wasn't.

- Anyhow, we're having fun. Have some pizza.

So how did you feel walking down that runway again

after all those years?

[ cheers and applause ]

- I loved it. - I told garo,

"I've known this from as a baby..."

- yeah. - "...When she s on stage,

she is happy." - but...

- [ speaks indistinctly ]

- but it's good to just building it all back again,

now that it makes me a little irritated, actually,

with the girls and stuff.

First of all, I am younger. I haven't, you know,

pushed forward in my life the way that they have.

But I've also done a lot in mine.

Like, there's no way that I'm letting anybody

gang up on me again or do anything like that.

- Absolutely no gang-ups, tinsley.

- I'm not gonna let anybody walk all over me,

particularly dorinda.

I'm over it. - Tinsley, I have all the trust

and faith and everything in you that you can imagine.

The only thing that worries me, and it does,

is about the issue of a baby simple because

I feel that you would miss out. And that's all.

I mean... That's all.

I would like to croak

after you have had a baby.

- Well, you can't because you told me

you were gonna take care of it with me.

- I will take care of it! [ laughs ]

- so you can't do that.

- But you better get going, 'cause I-o mean...

Well, I mean, I'm moving on to the next now, so we'll see.

♪♪♪

- whoa!

[ laughs ] thank you.

[ sighs ]

[ door opens, closes ]

- hi.

- Oh, I love this dress!

- Thank you so much. I love this dress.

- Sonja morgan. - Cute.

- Mine doesn't fit me at the moment,

and I just popped this button a couple time.

- Oh, no! Oh, my goodness! [ chuckles ]

- I'm just that extra 5 pounds over right now.

- Can't tell. - I just... it annoys me

'cause my clothes don't fit. - Yeah.

- You know, I look better without clothes right now.

- [ laughs ] - sorta.

- Sorta. - Sorta.

- Hey, sonja. - Oh! How are you?

- How are you? - Well, that didn't take long.

I thought it was gonna take longer to get out here.

- Yeah.

I've been in business with gaurav now for many years,

and we just had a fantastic fashion show.

And I need him to show me the money! Okay?

So to do that, the books are out in new jersey.

- Yeah, show the bottom lines.

- Yeah. Right. Okay.

- Yeah, but we weren't doing so much then.

Then we started... this is when you told me

we started to see a little something.

Oh, that was again a loss? - Yes.

- That's from the fashion show. What year is that?

2017. - Yes.

- Okay, that's... What do you think?

When are we gonna be able to see some money?

- Okay, so...

- I know that you have lost a lot of money up front

because that's the business.

And obviously, you're strong enough to... to weather.

I just... Needed to see it.

[ clicks tongue ]

so what do you... What do we have to do?

Did we get more sales from the fashion show?

- No, no, we did not.

- What the hell?

I know that in fashion, many times,

you do have loses up front, obviously.

But seeing it on paper makes it very real.

There is a future, though, and that's why we're working so hard

to finally make a profit.

[ sighs heavily ]

I think it's gonna be good with a present-set century 21.

Okay? That's gonna be wonderful exposure

so people can go there and feel the quality.

- Yes. - My collection is online,

but we received a call from century 21,

one of my favorite stores ever.

They wanna buy the collection,

so I'm definitely gonna get together

and see what they have to say.

All right, so I guess I'll get going. Okay?

I'm gonna go meet the trainer. - Yes.

- I really wanna eat all that cheese, but...

I've gotta go to the gym.

- Coming up...

- My fiancée, her family is from texas.

They don't understand a word I'm saying.

- The food looks so good.

Sonja, I'm sorry to bother you. I'm on stage.

- [ laughs ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[ facetime ringtone plays ]

- hello. - Hey.

- So listen, I can keep kiki Friday night,

and I'll bring her to you Saturday,

because I have so much frickin' work to do with the brand.

- Yeah. - And then, maybe I have a date.

- Ohh. - Just kidding. I don't.

Rob and I were never married, which was a...

Sensitive area for me.

I was kind of upset that, like, he never proposed.

Are you dating anybody?

- No.

- Kier says that you like someone.

- I like someone? - And the name begins with an l.

- And it wasn't easy

and it took a long time, but we have made it a point

to be best friends and be a family with our daughter,

even though we live in separate homes,

even though they're only two blocks away from each other.

Rob, we need to meet people. We need to date people.

This isn't normal.

I'm gonna try to find a girlfriend for you.

- [ clears throat ]

- are you lonely? I'm lonely.

-Me, too, and I'm still lonely.

I'm bored. I want passion. I want romance.

I'm...[ sighs ]

I'm [bleep].

I think I should be dating more.

I think rob should be dating more.

I think it's important for kier to see

that her parents can maintain healthy relationships,

which we can't do. [ laughs ]

are we just gonna do this forever?

Like, we're just gonna be single

and, like, besties?

- [ laughs ] christian mingle.

- Oh, my god. She's still not talking to me.

I don't even wanna know. I'm totally...

My mom is not speaking to me once again

because I decided to drink in the hamptons.

But the issue is, I'm not not going to drink,

and she can't just decide to stop talking to me

every time I drink. It's crazy.

- She's gonna be happy... - Well...

Until I'm in church, repenting from my sins,

which I tried to do, and the priest hit on me

and asked how many sexual partners I had.

- You're such an asshole.

I obviously lied about the number.

[ laughs ] - well...

- All right, my neck's hurting. I gotta go.

- Ciao, ciao. - Bye.

♪♪♪

- thank you.

Hi! How are you? - Yeah.

- Hi. How's it going? - It's good.

- Excellent. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

put on the slide... [ speaks indistinctly ]

- oh, my god. I wanna go down the slide.

- It's all the way... That'd be a great photo.

- [ laughs ] what a great room.

- The girls are gonna be... [ speaks indistinctly ]

- love this. - Hey!

- Hey, hey! How are... - [ singsongy ] luann is here!

- Oh, great. We've both got kind of...

- Okay, good. Separate. - Yeah.

- It's wrinkled, but no one can bully me today.

- You look great. - Thank you.

- Awesome. I met chanel because she asked

to be on her podcast.

Oh, my god, there's ping-pong. I wanna play ping-pong, too.

And she and I decided to, "why not?"

let's host a comedy event together and raise money

for stomp out bullying and for the fortune society,

helping people get their lives back

after they've been incarcerated. So we're raising money.

So this the space in which jacques has to work, right?

Ooh. - Stop bullying her.

- Ohh! - Ah! [ laughs ]

I... we we're just talking about you. [ laughs ]

hey! - How are you?

- Oh, my god. Congratulations! - Thank you.

- I am so happy for you! - Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- ca va? - Oh! Merci beaucoup.

- Sparkling, huh? But are you ready?

- Um, thank... yeah. Thank you so much for doing this.

- Of course. My pleasure. My pleasure.

- It's gonna be great. You're gonna steal the show.

[ snaps fingers ] - I don't know. It can be...

- I know you're gonna steal the show.

- We are going to have a good time. That's what matters.

- No, it's gonna be fun. I couldn't happier for jacques.

He is engaged to a lovely lady who I've met a couple of times,

and he has my stamp of approval.

- This is your line when she introduces you.

"okay, girls, I'm putting an end to the story...

"I never [bleep] the pirate.

Please welcome my good friend..."

- [ chuckles ] - [ laughs ] jacques...

- Seriously? - Jacques azoulay.

- Oh, my god.

- I mean, does he not look just like johnny depp?

[ speaking french ]

- luann. - Luann...

- [ speaks indistinctly ]

- ...The line about the pirate? To start?

- [ laughs ] stop. - Really?

- It's so good. - Really?

- Yeah, so I say, you know, "I'm here with my friends tonight,

"who've been so supportive of me.

And, uh..." [ laughs ]" and I wanna set the record straight.

"I never [bleep] the pirate.

"ladies and gentlemen,

mr. Jacques azoulay, my friend!"

[ laughs ] you like it? - No.

- Come on, it's comedy. It's funny.

- Ah, fine, fine, fine. Yeah. - It's funny.

- It's funny.

- [ laughing ] I'm not surprised he doesn't find it funny.

If I really [bleep] a pirate, would I be joking about it?

I mean, I would be defensive.

Paige looks gorgeous.

- So do you, huh?

Que bella. Que bella, lu. - Well...

- Ah, ah. - Merci beaucoup.

- Coming up...

- I need some water.

Is this water? - No, honey, it's all vodka.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

- hi, leah! - Hi!

- How are ya? - Good. How are you?

- I think I'm good. - [ laughs ] you think?

- Well, it's just kinda... - You know you're good.

- Well, it's just... it's kinda weird to be back in the city...

- Yeah.

After being in the hamptons for so long. You know?

Just getting into the fall swing of things.

- Right. - I'm feeling more settled now,

so it feels good. - Good.

So I have a confession. - Uh-oh.

- Because you were like, "next time I see you,

you better have gone and you better have talked to you mom."

- yeah, I hope you spoke to your mom.

This is not good. - I know.

- You gotta show up there... - I know.

- ...And just eat humble pie. - Yeah.

- Because you know what?

You wanna have that bond with her again.

- I know. You're right. You're right.

I texted her.

- [ scoffs ] - I wasn't able...

I know you're, like, against the texting thing.

But let me tell you, I texted her and I said,

"mom, let's stop fighting.

This is depressing. Life is too short."

and she didn't respond back to me.

- I told you, you have to go there in person.

She's... she's angry and she's, like, thinking back,

and now she's pulling away from you.

- I know. It's true. It's true. - So...

- It's breaking my heart, really.

- I understand, but the only way you're gonna maybe...

Maybe come to any kind of terms with her

is you have to just go there physically.

- Taking nine years to not drink helped us so much,

where me and my mother... And my father, too...

Have now, you know, become very close again.

But whenever I feel that my mom is disapproving of something,

it takes me back to, like, my teenage years,

and I start to question myself.

- Mothers need respect.

They may not always be right, but she's your mom.

- I know. I'm a mother. I understand.

But this is. Like, over-the-top judgment.

That's how I feel.

All of my achievements have outweighed my failures,

and I should not be judged on my failures, ramona.

[ voice breaking ] I should be judged on my achievements

and the person that I am. - She's... okay, but she's afraid.

She's afraid that you're gonna fail again.

"oh, my goodness, my daughter has achieved so much now.

And now she took a drink and she's gonna fall back again."

- and that's not what's happening at all.

- But... but that just... She's scared

and that's what she's thinking. That's what she's thinking.

- Ramona and my mom are complete opposites,

but having ramona's attention in this, like, maternal way

is really comforting right now.

- You have to nip it in the bud. - Right.

- And that means confronting her.

And you may not like what she has to say,

but, you know, hopefully you can just get through it

because a text does nothing.

People hide behind texts. - You're right.

- What's her favorite flower? Does she have a favorite flower?

- The lilac. - Are you serious?

- That's mine, too. Yeah, lilac.

- That was my mother's favorite flower, lilacs.

- [ laughs ] really?

- So just bring her a big bouquet of lilacs sand say,

"I'm sorsome comedy now. D you. E

I need some after I was crying about my mom.

- Aw, it's okay.

♪♪♪

- hey, lu!

You ready for your debut? - Hey!

- Your comedy debut? - Ah, well... [ laughs ]

well, I'm cohosting. I'm doing a little comedy.

- All right. - Jacques' doing

a lot of comedy, though. - Well, it's nice to...

- I'm so glad you're here.

- You know, I have no expectations for tonight.

Podcasts have gotten very popular,

but I really don't have time to watch. Or listen.

I guess you don't watch a podcast. You listen. See?

[ laughs ]

but they've gained major in popularity.

- Hello, gorgeous. Hey, miss chanely.

- Mwah! - For chanely day.

- How you doing? - I'm great!

- Oh, my god! How you doing? - I am good. How are you?

- Hello! [ kisses cheek ] - how are you?

- Hi, honey. How are you? - Excited!

- Good! I'm so glad you're here. - It'll be fun.

- Thank you for coming, girls.

- Hi! - Hi!

Aah! - What's up? How are you?

You smell wonderful. - Cute, cute, cute.

- Hi! - Hi! How are you?

[ kisses cheek ] - good. How you doing?

- Hey! - Ohh!

You look so nice. - Thank you.

This look looks very good on you.

- Thank you! - I know it's conservative.

- Guys, guess what? I don't always dress like

a whore on 42nd street. Just sometimes.

- Doesn't she look pretty?

- Well, actually, her daughter picked these out, though.

- She did. Yeah. - Yeah.

- Hey, by the way, we have a great idea.

Well, I have a great idea. I don't know if you're

gonna go for it. - What is it?

- What? You're scaring the eff out of me.

- Oh, no. - I think the three of us

should have lunch together.

- Sure. - Yeah. That sounds great.

- Okay. - There's some girls

in our group that, like, wanna jump in so much.

- No. - I think that she would

let me have a moment, if we needed a moment.

I don't know. Do we need more moments?

- No, but I think she's good because she's kind of

a little bit of a voice of reason.

- I don't like that idea.

I don't need somebody out there.

- I'm dying for this. I love this.

Dorinda thinks I'd be a great mediator

'cause I'm no batsh... crazy.

I am the voice of reason, which is actually kind of scary.

- Hi!

- Ramona, have you ever bullied anyone?

- Pardon? - Have you ever bullied anyone?

- Bullied anyone? Bully means to, like...

- you can tell me the truth, huh?

- What address did I tell you to go to?

Can you rem... - 143 something?

- 114. Don't you think you should've written it down

so you remember, so you don't have to ask me again?

Well, I don't know. At least I have friends.

You have no friends. Who are your friends?

You have nobody in your life. Right now, you have jason.

You'll probably mess that up, too.

You look old for your age. - You're older!

- I do not, coming from right now.

- ♪ you look old for your age, and I look young for my age ♪

and that's how it stands. - You are a bitch.

- What did I say that was so weak?

No, I don't think so.

- Have you bullied anyone? - No.

You know what?

Why don't you stop getting vaginal rejuvenation,

and... and put an e-zpass on that vagina

with your holland tunnel?

- You're a lady? You just broke your glass in front of me.

- Stop. Stop. Oh, I didn't get a mug shot over it.

- Really? - I didn't, really.

- Kindergarten starts! You're gonna be late!

Oh, my god! Kindergarten's starting in six hours!

You're gonna be late for the bus!

- Why are you so defensive? - Go get your pigtails in!

Kindergarten's starting!

I actually I am the person in the playground

that used to fight the bullies

when people would pick on people.

I'd get in tro... and I'd go to the principal's office.

- I can see you do that. - Yeah.

- Whoo! - Whoo!

- Take me back to the circus, honey!

- That's right. - Hi, leah!

- Hi! - I'm happy with...

- I'm so glad we discussed that whole thing.

I was, like, so off-track.

- We're good. Everything's cool.

Is it possible that I misread the weird, shady [bleep]

she was doing with me?

Maybe. Probably not.

But it's not like she [bleep] man.

She sent me pajamas. I can, you know, I can get over that.

- Have you had a drink at all since probation?

- No. - Zero?

That's hard 'cause now you're not being watched.

- I'm used to it. I drink diet coke.

I drink... you know, I'm just used to it.

- And you never think, "I'll just have a glass?" no?

- No, I might, eventually. I might.

- 'cause you know what? It's day by day.

Take it day by day. No pressure. - I said it before,

I'll say it again. - I know.

- You're not an alcoholic.

- I know. Jacques told me the same thing.

- Aw, that's sweet. He said that to you?

- Yeah. - Tom drove you to drink.

- He did. - Literally.

- Yeah. - We've heard that.

"it's not about tom." well, I think it was about tom.

What she went through was so fast and furious,

so stressful,

so beyond something she could control,

that... like we all do...

We turn to the tipple.

- Well, sure. On top of the ptsd,

I have some unreleased... - I see these guys,

and I wanna party, but I'm fasting.

- Oh, I know.

- Is that a mocktail or you drinking?

- Oh, god! Don't drink. Don't drink.

Are you drinking? - Yeah.

- I need some water.

Is this water? - No, honey, it's all vodka.

♪♪♪

- I need some water.

Is this water? - No, honey, it's all vodka.

- Oh, it taste so good!

- That's water, right? - No, it's vodka.

- There you go. It's over. - It's over.

I had some vodka. Okay? - It's over. That's it.

It's over. Now the... let the curse be lifted. We're done.

And that's it. - Oh, that's good. [ laughs ]

- take this over. - I'm getting on stage.

- I love jacques'...

- I mean, this was bound to happen.

She's allowed to drink. All he had was a sip.

- I told you. Done. - Done.

- That's the big moment. The thing is, re

- I know. - Who cares?

- I know. - Everybody has faith in you.

- Right. - You're a strong woman.

- So have a glass. - I have one. I got one here.

But I'm going on stage. [ speaks indistinctly ]

- yeah, no, no, no. No more. But that's enough, okay?

Well, it's enough. - No, stop.

[ laughs ] I'm kidding you. - [ laughs ]

to be able to have a sip of vodka

and not get arrested is huge.

You know, I don't have to make excuses.

I'm a grown woman and I'm ready.

- What are you drinking? - I just took a sip of vodka.

Whatever. - What?

- I'm off probation, actually. - I know, but still... but... but...

- She's like, "you know what, lu? You're fine." oh, well.

- There's no problem, elyse. - You know what? Big deal.

- She's... she's... What's the problem?

- So you're not in aa? - Let's get this show on!

Jacques! - I, uh...

- Doesn't matter. - I wanna see you! Come on!

- You're not her judge and jury, elyse.

You're not her judge and... - I'm not judging. I went...

- yeah, you are. You're being very judgey.

And it's not fair. People do things.

Mind your own garden.

- I know dorinda and luann are drinking buddies,

but didn't she just get out of aa

and just get off of probation? If I were luann's buddy,

I would be pulling the drink out of her hand.

- Hey, hey, hey, everybody!

Welcome to the "chanel in the city" live podcast show,

with countess luann and friends.

[ cheers and applause ] what a great turnout.

And we all know that you're not here for me.

Please welcome my co-host,

the legendary countess luann de lesseps!

[ cheers and applause ] - ♪ Feelin' jovani ♪

- [ speaks indistinctly ] come on!

- ♪ feelin' jovani ♪ - whoo! Whoo!

- ♪ and it feels so good ♪

♪♪♪

- thank you, guys.

So the fortune society, I'm, you know, delighted to be here.

The ladies are here tonight! [ cheers and applause ]

I'm honored to have you ladies here,

and I'm so proud to be a part of organization.

- We've got a lot of different topics going on.

We have women in prison. We have bowling. We have comedy.

I don't know if I should laugh, cry.

I don't know what to do.

I'm gonna make a mistake, I can tell.

"were you bowling in jail or you're part of the comedy act?"

- I've been keeping a diary all this time,

so I thought I'd share a little diary entry with you.

Would you guys like to hear it? [ cheers and applause ]

- yes! We wanna hear it.

- "may 16, 2019. Dear diary,

"I shot myself in the foot being truthful about

"having two collinis on easter Sunday,

"and now I have to blow in a device that detects alcohol

"five times a day.

And if you include my boyfriend, that makes six."

[ laughter ] - ba-dum! Tss!

- That's cute. - Luann likes a good joke.

As I'd like to say,

I am very proud of everyone that tries.

Try, try again.

That's all I have to say about that.

- Thank you for being supportive tonight,

you guys, for coming. [ cheering ]

my friends right here. I love you, guys.

And I wanna set the record straight with you guys.

Okay?

I never [bleep] the pirate.

So please welcome to the stage jacques azoulay!

- You mean the pirate couldn't raise his flag?

[ laughter ]

- no, he did raise his flag, but he raised it for sonja.

[ cheering ] - [ laughing ]

- anyway, you guys, this is a great cause.

You know, as an immigrant, I was bullied early on.

Started with my name.

You know, you name is j-a-c-q-u-e-s,

but you don't pronounce the s at the end.

"jack-ess"?

[ laughter ] - "jackass."

jacques could be very funny,

but nobody understands him with his accent.

- My fiancée, her family is from texas.

They don't understand a word I'm saying.

It... it's terrible, but I'm glad that you seem

to be understanding what I'm saying.

- I don't understand a word he... That jacques said.

- I'm the quintessential optimist.

- I wish there were a bouncing ball

interpreting for you in front of you.

[ whistles ] - yes. Yes.

- I'm just smiling. - And I have to tell you,

it's hard to be a frenchman in america.

- So do you think my idea's great?

- [ jacques speaking indistinctly ]

- to have lunch with all of us? Sure.

- Uh-oh. Dorinda! - I'm sorry.

- Rude! Let make it to lunch!

Let's just make it to the lunch. - Food looks so good.

- Sonja, I'm sorry to bother you. I'm on stage.

[ audience "ohs" ]

- oh, no, I'm listening. - [ speaks indistinctly ]

- these cackling bitches need to shut up.

[ laughter ] - cackling bitches!

- Well, let's give a round of applause to jacques

and his anti-bullying campaign! [ cheers and applause ]

- I always love some jacques. Maybe in french, he's hilarious.

But in english?

- As chanel, I host the podcast "how cum,"

about the fact that I had never had an orgasm.

- Let's give a shoutout to remy's boyfriend.

He's in the audience. - Oh, my god. Don't do that!

[ laughter ]

- so this guy's coming at me. I pivot past him.

I go across the platform as fast as my crocs will let me.

- I'm gonna bring a different energy, if that's okay.

- Right. Yes! - Thank you for that.

- It's all good. We need all good energy.

- I think the charity and the message is something

really deep and meaningful,

and I don't quite see how comedy... Goes with it?

- I have something called trichotillomania.

It's a disorder where you pull out the hair on your head.

- Oh, my gosh. - And tell you the truth,

it's a little boring. - Ramona, where you going?

- The ladies' room. - Can I go?

- Yeah, let's go. - I'm very intuitive

and I always have the pulse of the room,

and I can television you, it's dead.

There's no pulse.

And all I can think of is that I can't eat the [bleep] food,

I can't have a [bleep] drink, and this isn't funny.

- Can everyone see us in here? Look!

Hi!

[ laughing ]

- but you're crazy.

I-I'm kind of getting board, to tell you the truth.

- Well, it's hard to follow 'cause you can't hear it.

- Guys, we're gonna wrap it up. Thank you so much!

- Is it over? - ♪ Money can't buy you class ♪

♪ elegant is learned ♪

- everybody!

- Yes. - Yes.

- Yeah.

- Coming up...

- You are intimidating. - No, I'm not.

You're saying she's intimidated by me.

- You can be scary as hell sometimes!

- No! You guys...

- I told luann I'm not drinking, and she's drinking.

- [ speaks indistinctly ] - and I'm not drinking.

- I had a sip of vodka, for god's sake.

- The last thing I want is luann drinking again..,

without me! I love to party with my girl lu! [ laughs ]

♪♪♪

- so, tinsley, I'll take the stuff,

and you go down the slide.

I'm gonna watch you come down. - Yes.

- One, two, three!

[ screaming ] - whoo!

God! That was fast! - [ laughing ]

- watch out!

- [ squeals, laughs ]

- I have to say, this right now seems to be

the funniest part of the night.

- I wanna go to martin. I wanna go.

- I was thinking that you need to go to martin.

You and him need to have a sesh.

- You wanna be a legend or do you wanna be a fairy tale?

- I grew up watching fairy tales. What do you think?

- [bleep] the fairy tale. Be a legend.

- What I want to do is just workout, work on myself.

The trainer's great.

You can set me up with a man, but not yet.

- Whoa! Whoa! What did I hear?

- Yes. No, I know. Not yet. - Whoa! Wait a second! Hold on!

- Repeat that. - I wanna be single,

for a little bit. - What?!

- Bruce and I are totally done.

- Really? - Yeah.

- I am proud that tinsley has made a decision

to end something.

I'm so proud of you! This is a good,

that she's actually taking charge of her life,

because she'll usually stay till the bitter end.

- I'm so going down the slide.

- I think I need a rental.

- [ speaks indistinctly ] - and vodka.

- Yay!

Whoa!

I came out! - Yay!

- So I'm over it.

- I had two shots. I'm feeling great.

- Whoa! Did you slide, too?

- I had to. I couldn't make it through the show.

- Off of what? - Two shots of, what

tequila or vodka? - [ laughs ] yeah.

- [ screaming ]

[ cheering ]

- aah! - Aah! Sh...!

[ cheering continues ]

- and amazing down here. - I haven't eaten.

- Oh, my god! So cool!

- Hey! So this one... Look at her.

- I love that red sparkly dress!

[ shouts indistinctly ]

- yes. - I'm busy!

- All right, girls. - Yay!

- Yeah, well...

- What?

- What... what's going on? - Dorinda...

Yeah, you are. - You mean it?

- Oh, absolutely.

- P all right, let's go. They're going!

- About what? - Excuse me, miss?

- About what? - She's says you're intimidated

by me. - No, I didn't.

- Those were her exact words. Exact words.

I didn't. I said you're intimidating.

Dorinda, tequila? No bueno, baby.

You are intimidating. - No, I'm not.

- You're saying she's intimidated by me.

- You can be scary as hell sometimes!

- No! That has nothing to do with anything.

- Am I scary? - Yes.

- Not really. Not really.

- Leah thinks tinsley's intimidated by me.

Of course she is.

Tinsley's intimidated by a butterfly.

- You're scary to me.

- Wait, hold on.

I think I should be there for lunch.

- Why? I really don't.

I think that we have an issue that we wanna solve,

but I don't know if another friend should be there.

- I think that I can help.

- Well, if you're up.

- If they're been a disconnect. We can solve it.

I don't need other people to help me solve that.

- Well, but you have... you guys haven't solved it yet.

- See? That's what I'm saying.

- If it makes you uncomfortable, then I won't do it.

Everything I do with you, tinsley...

- No! - ...Is not good.

- Here we go again.

- I'm so sick and tired of people talking for me!

I'm so sick of it!

- I can't believe we're at an anti-bullying event

and we're fighting. - Come on, ramona.

They're doing their own thing over there.

Oh, she can play!

Ah! Oh! [ laughs ] - [ laughs ]

- how many balls you need?

- I can use a lot of balls.

- I think I'm gonna leave. I came here with good...

As she knows, I came here with good intentions.

- Fine! Really? But you keep on yelling at me

about, like, my watch and sh... - I'm not yelling, actually.

- Tinsley and dorinda are going at it like you cannot believe.

- Still? - Just... just be civil.

I mean, this is ridiculous already.

- I'm not gonna stay here and listen to this.

- Not for nothing, you know... - Because if I get mad, elyse,

I'll get sued somehow. - I know you will.

- So I don't wanna do that. You taught me to just walk away.

- Good. - No, stop doing this.

- Thank you so much. Okay, so lunch in canceled.

- The point is that I can talk to her on my own.

- No! - Yeah, yeah.

- I really can talk to you on my own.

- Okay. - Then we might need

to work it out. These two women are so stuck.

They don't need a mediator. They need a miracle.

- Hey, dorinda, way to make it work.

- Next time on...

- Look what I'm reading right now.

According to page six,

"dorinda's taking a break." - "dorinda's taking a break."

who planted this? Do you think ramona did?

No, she wouldn't.

- Luann, I'm very excited about this trip.

- So as soon as we get to the orchard,

we're gonna lunch by the pumpkin patch.

- My gum last longer than your relationship, okay?

- Your gum?

- I can't edit myself to dumbness!

- This is absurd. - Hold on.

- There's hay rides. - Whoo!

- Let's move.

[ tractor whirring ]

this is too slow. - Faster!

- There's a corn maze.

- No! - [ laughing ]

- oh, my god.

This is horrible!

- There's a winery tasting later.

- Let's just each just have one glass of wine.

- Yes! - Oh, my god!

[ laughter ] - just one glass.

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org