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(thunder rumbling)
Oh, better hurry.

Oh! Oh!

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

(panting)

Excuse me.

Pardon me.
Whoa!
Excuse me.

Excuse me. Pardon me.
Hey, hey, hey.

Oh!
Oh!

Oh! Excuse
you there!
Aah.

Excuse me.
Hey.

Coming through. Coming through.
Watch your back.

MAN:
She speaks for the children.

Excuse me. Ah.
(cheering)

She speaks...

Excuse me. Coming through.
...for the parents.

Excuse me. Thank you.

And ladies and gentlemen,
she speaks for the real Boston!

(cheering)

So the lady you�ve all been
waiting for, Hannah Higgins!

(loud cheering)

(cheering, applause
and whistling)

Hannah!
Hannah!

(applause and cheering swells)

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you all so much
for your invaluable support

in my run
for this congressional seat.

Hannah!

(cheering)
Sadly...

Sadly, I was just informed

the outcome has not been
what we hoped.

MAN:
No.

(crowd groaning and murmuring)

The words with which
I might express

my gratitude would never equal
the tireless efforts

put forth by those
involved in my campaign.

Particularly my friend

and campaign manager,
Colleen Pickering.

(applause)

It is my sincere belief

that all parties are working
toward the good of the country

to find solutions to
the problems facing all of us.

It is in that spirit

of bipartisanship with which

we thusly concede
the election...

(crowd groaning)
WOMAN:
Come on!

WOMAN:
No!

(indistinct chatter)
MAN:
You�re kidding me.

...and congratulate my opponent,
Mr. Wade Bradbury.

MAN:
Oh, no!
MAN:
Boo!

Thank you.
Boo!
Boo!

(indistinct shouting)

Boo!
Boo!

Well done. I know with
only 60% of the polls in,

some people think we jumped
the gun on the speech, but...

So sorry.

...with the numbers
being what they are,

I think the earlier
the concession,

the more dignity
we�ll keep.

Dignity being a state of mind.

Congressional candidate
Hannah Higgins

suffered a stunning defeat
today,

losing by a wide margin

to former television weatherman
Wade Bradbury.

WZHA was on the scene
for voter reaction.

Hannah Higgins?
Nah, I didn�t vote for her.

She reminded me
of my high school principal.

I liked what she was saying
about education and stuff,

but she�s just so...

I don�t know. She�s such
a cold fish, you know?

MAN:
Yeah, I voted for her,
but only because

the idea of voting
for the weatherman

was absolutely repugnant.

MAN 2:
No, no, no, I voted
for the guy from TV.

That guy makes me laugh
every time he does the weather.

Like when he goes over and says,

"Now, we�ll go
to the Dah... pler radar."

Cracks me up. He�ll say,

"Dah... pler radar!"

MAN 3:
I�m gonna tell you
what her problem is.

That lady talks like she�s
too smart for her own good.

As if creating legislation
for 300 million people is a job

for which intelligence
is a disqualification.

Uh-oh, it looks like
Wade Bradbury is about

to make his victory speech.

We don�t have to
watch this, Hannah.

It�s not as if the evening
could get any worse.

WADE:
I want to thank
all my supporters

here and out there.

I am honored
that everyday people like you

have chosen
an everyday guy like me

to represent you in Washington.

Why don�t we do this
the way you guys like?

MAN:
Oh, yeah.

WOMAN:
Here we go.

(cheering and laughter)

I plan on bringing
a high-pressure system

of change to Washington.

With the support
you�ve shown tonight,

I�ll blow out the fog
of old ideas

and rain down prosperity
and happiness.

(applause and cheering)

Now it�s onward.

Let�s change which way the wind
is blowing in Washington.

(cheering and applause,
band plays upbeat music)

That�s the problem.
He doesn�t know which way

the wind is blowing.
He�s a terrible weatherman.

Over 73%
of his forecasts are inaccurate.

He said that today
was gonna be bright and sunny.

(thunder rumbling)

And it�s amazing how he
tries to pass himself off

as this everyday guy while
he�s standing there in a $4,000

Italian suit.
His parents built

the wing of a library to get him
into an Ivy League school,

and yet he has the nerve
to paint me as an elitist?

I don�t think your
undying commitment

to proper speech helped.

I have no idea
to what you are referring.

I don�t think
it hurts to ask yourselves

who you�d rather
have a beer with.

(laughter)

I believe you mean, "With whom
one would want to have a beer."

This is the perfect example of
our need to improve education.

Frankly, I find your
grammar appalling!

It wasn�t hard to convince
voters that you thought

you were the smartest
person in the room.

You�ve been in most
of those rooms. We are.

(Boston accent):
Wish I had your problems.

Must be nice to be too smart.

Suddenly, it seems everyone
is a political consultant.

Nah, I�m, uh...
just a beer vendor.

I-I beg your pardon.
What�s that?

I�m just a beer vendor.

You know, deliver
beers, kegs and such.

Pick up empties after
they break down the bar,

hand out samples
here and there.

You know, that sort of thing.

I do believe

he�s trying to communicate.

Fine, go on and crack wise.

I think we met
in the kitchen.

It�s Elliot, is it?

Yeah, Elliot Doolittle.
Pleased to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

I think what Mr. Doolittle
is trying to say

is that he�s a beer vendor.

Yes, I suppose
I did catch some of that.

Oh, sure, yeah,
take your shots at me.

You know who�s having
the last laugh here? Me.

�Cause I voted
for the other guy.

Sure he�s
lace-curtain Irish,

but he don�t seem
like the kind of guy

that would make fun of a fella.

Matter of fact, he
seems like the type,

you know, pick up a
sixer at a packie

and talk about the Bruins.

We�ve come to this?

I�ll have you know
that there was more riding

on this election
than finding someone with whom

you could discuss
your precious Bruins.

Okay, here we go.

Oh, yes, here we go.
This country once had

one of the best-educated
populations in the world.

Now we�re ranked 33rd.

As education flounders,
crime and unemployment rise.

But instead of addressing
these issues,

we�d rather elect weathermen
to Congress

and distract ourselves
with reality television

and the tattooed circus,

otherwise known
as professional basketball.

Maybe we should

just wallow in our demise,

for which someone like you
could be the perfect poster boy.

Yeah, well, just so you know,
the Bruins ain�t basketball.

It�s hockey!

You should at least know what
sports teams represent Boston

if you want to
represent Boston!

I guess you�re not quite
so smart as you think you are!

What frustrates me
is not how poorly you speak,

but how unnecessarily poorly
you speak.

With a little education
and effort,

your insults could be
as well-spoken as anyone�s!

I suppose this means
we�re calling it an evening.

Good night, Mr. Doolittle.

Yeah. Well...

nice talking to you.

(indistinct chatter)

(flames crackling)

(sighs)

(indistinct chatter)

Frank, you know me a long time.

You think I talk funny?

No, sir! What are you,
gone hoopy?

You talk wicked good.

Good as anyone I know.

That�s what I thought.

(grunts)

(chatter of children)

WOMAN:
Thank you so much for changing

your schedule last minute
and coming down to our school.

I really think

that meeting some
of the new staff

was tremendously
helpful for them.

Oh, my pleasure.

Colleen and I will have
an updated curriculum

for the students with learning
disabilities by next week.

And the school board
is gonna visit

to observe classes
on Thursday.

So, in the meantime,
if you need anything,

call me at the office.

Thank you.
Thank you.

They�re gonna need
a extra pilsner

over at Clancy�s.
Got it.

Yo, Frankie!

Hey, there, Elliot.

Hey, guys,
listen up, okay?

Macky Carmichael�s
going to hospital.

He�s finally getting
that thing removed.

And Mary Louise
is on maternity.

So...
So...

We�re looking for replacements
for the bowling team.

Huh?
(laughs)

You think my wife�s
gonna let me run around

with a couple of beauties
like you twos?
(laughs)

Stop it, you.
You charmer.

Hey, what about you,
Elliot, huh?

We could use a strapping fellow
like you on the team.

Wish I wasn�t working nights.

Ah.
(gasps)

Did you hear?
Henkels is retiring.

Yeah, we�re gonna be looking
for a new sales rep.

FRANK:
Yeah? What�s a guy
like that make anyways?

Really?
What?

You think just
�cause we�re in HR,

we know everybody�s
business?

No. I think it�s �cause

you already know
everybody�s business is why

they put youse
in HR.
(laughs)

Hey, look, you guys,
it�s confidential, okay?

Can�t really talk
about it, but I can say,

he makes more than the two
of youse combined and then some.

WOMAN 2: And then some
on top of that.

Oh. Right?
Beaucoup bucks.

Beaucoup. Big bucks.

Beaucoup big bucks.
Trust.

WOMAN 2:
Come on, let�s go.

WOMAN:
I want to get a beer.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Did you check out
the morning news?

I just sent you the link.

Check out?

I�m not in a hotel.
I�m getting ready for work.

It�s a perfectly
appropriate phrase, Hannah.

Maybe you could look
at the link,

and then you could
check out Webster�s, hmm?

MAN (on TV):
A shocking turn of events today

as freshman Congressman
Wade Bradbury,

in a hometown appearance
here in Boston, held

an ill-timed rally on the steps
of the State House.

MEN:
We love Wade!

I�d like
to introduce legislation

that will clear up these issues
for families,

much like the skies
need clearing here today.

MAN:
Yeah!

(rolling thunder,
man cheers)

We�ll blow out

the oppressive drizzle of taxes

and bask in the sunshine
of a brighter day!

(applause and cheering)

(crowd gasps)

MAN (on TV):
Eyewitnesses report

that the incident was quick
and painless.

Oh... my.

Exactly.

The governor of Massachusetts

has expressed his condolences
to the family,

and stated
there will be a special election

to fill the vacancy
to take place

not less
than four months from now.

NEWSWOMAN:
Venture capitalist Andrew
Bridgeworth is here today,

announcing his candidacy
for the congressional seat

made vacant
by the tragic passing

of Representative Wade Bradbury.

I look forward to bringing
my extensive experience

in the private sector
to Washington.

This is why
we�ve asked you here:

to discuss mounting
another run.

Yes. It would be
necessary to address

the major concern
in all of the polling data,

which comes down to Ms.
Higgins�s likeability factor.

We need to work
on your posture.

But I have perfect posture.

WOMAN:
Which is exactly
the problem.

It makes you
seem unyielding.

Through a rigorous
combination of yoga,

Pilates and
Ukrainian folk dance,

I plan on getting
you to slouch more.

MAN (French accent):
And za hair--
no, no, no. Your hair,

it says, "I am stuck
in a sorority house production

of Bye Bye Birdie."

Hmm. I had no idea I had
such chatty liberal arts hair.

But our bigger problem
is, you�re a woman.

Are you suggesting
I not be a woman?

I don�t think we can do anything
about that at this point.

But women in politics face
a double-edged sword.

You�re currently seen
as unfeeling,

which it�s easier for a man
to get away with.

But if we go too far in
the other direction, you could

be seen as hysterical
or flighty.

Another major problem
is your wardrobe.

I�d soften your image

by putting you
in sweater sets.

Really?

We lost an election
by 14 points,

and you think that you could
fix that with sweater sets?

Well, obviously, what you�re
currently doing isn�t working.

Mmm.

HANNAH:
I see.

So if I understand you all
correctly,

the only way that I
can win an election

is by changing how I
look, speak and act.

Exactly.
Yeah.

Oui.

Okay.

I will take that
into consideration,

and we will be in touch.

(softly):
Thank you.

That did not go well.

Nope.

Perhaps this is what a frog
feels like when it is dissected.

Hannah, I thought a few
of their comments were valuable.

I know it�s not
easy to hear.

Uh, there�s a Mr. Doolittle
here to see Hannah.

Oh, um...

Sit. I�ll take care of it.

(sighs)

Hello?

I�m Colleen Pickering.

I�m Ms. Higgins�
business partner.

Can I help you

with something?
Yeah, hey there. Yeah.

I thought about calling,
but then I thought I�d just,

you know, stop by.
Wait, aren�t you...

Yeah, you remember me?
Poster boy.

Poster boy?

Yeah, it was
election night,

your friend was
hollering at me

about being a poster
boy for demise.
Oh, yes. I�m sorry.

She was... well,
in a mood that evening.

Oh, no, that was a
rough night for her.

Hopefully she�s
better now?

Mmm, not particularly,
no. (chuckles)

Can I please relay
a message to her, perhaps?

Oh, yeah, uh, well,
as she was taking off,

she said something about,
uh, teaching and stuff,

and I�m thinking
that�s what she does.

Well, she�s an
educational professional.

Oh, that�s great, yeah.

Uh, see, there�s
this job, see,

guy�s gonna be retiring,

a sales rep for the Boston
Colony Beverage Company.

I work nights driving
delivery trucks for them,

so this would be
a big step up,

and, uh, you know, I�d
be wicked good at it.

The thing is, see,
I already tried

for a job like
that before,

and they turned me down,

said the job�s all about,
you know, talking to people.

And I was thinking,
like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

like, I can talk
to anybody,

but then I-I
figured it out.

It�s not so much
if you can talk to folks;

it�s how good you can
talk to them,

you know?
I see. So you�re hoping
to improve that?

Yeah, yeah, I figure the
guys doing the hiring,

they talk like your friend,
so that�s probably

what they�re looking
for, you know?

So I�m just hoping she could
teach me to talk good,

you know? Or, at
least, you know,

uh, more better.

HANNAH:
Have you seen Pearce?

I was wondering... if he
could find me some aspirin.

Um, he�s pulling something
down in the file room,

but he�ll be back shortly.

Hannah, perhaps you remember

Elliot Doolittle?

We met him on
election night

at the hotel.
I remember you were doing
your best to insult me.

Let me guess, you finally
came up with a snappy retort?

ELLIOT (chuckles):
Well, uh,

seems to me, you know,
I was just trying

to give back a little
of what I got, you know?

You weren�t exactly
what I�d call nice,

you know what I mean?

There is often a gap

between those
who are nice

and those who are correct.

Mr. Doolittle

came at your suggestion
that he might learn

some proper ways

of expressing himself.

Yeah, and I got a little
scratch stashed away,

so, you know, I could
pay for lessons.

(sighs)
This is a consulting firm

for educational institutions.

We develop teaching
tools and curriculums.

I don�t tutor

remedial grammar and diction
on an individual basis.

My money�s just as good
as the next guy�s.

Money is not the issue here.

What is at issue is my time.

I trust you can
see yourself out.

Thank you for stopping by,
Mr. Doolittle.

Oh, thank you.

You have a good day.

Maybe later we could
just go outside

and kick some stray dogs.
I know, I know.

He was just in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

I was frustrated about your
consultants tearing me apart.

They kept
yammering on

about how, in order to become
a more viable candidate,

I must transform myself
into somebody more...

likable.

COLLEEN: Hmm. From your
behavior in the lobby,

I can�t imagine why
they�d think that.

You know, you bite
somebody�s head off,

and then you wonder

why they�re electing
the local weatherman.

(chuckles)
Or the local beer vendor.

COLLEEN:
Well, now you�re being snippy,

because nobody is electing

the local beer vendor
to anything.

But they might.

HANNAH:
Perhaps if likable
wins elections,

then even he
could win.

That is the third
conversation

he has had with a
total stranger,

and they�ve all
walked away smiling.

Well, I wish it were that easy.

HANNAH:
I�ve been hearing all morning

about how the electorate

is only interested

in voting for everyday,
likable people.

I propose that
they don�t come

more everyday
and likable

than your friend,
Elliot Doolittle.

My friend?
(scoffs)

(laughing): Well, admittedly,
he does make friends easily.

Wait, think about it.

We could spend months
trying to transform me

into somebody
completely different,

or, it appears, we have somebody

perfectly likable
right there.

You know that I am thinking
about running again

only because I think
that my ideas

could really
benefit people,

but it is not about
getting me elected.

Yes, in the canon
of your faults,

self-aggrandizement
doesn�t really appear,

at least not prominently.

Then allow me to present you
with a conduit for my ideas.

I propose we get Elliot
Doolittle elected to Congress.

(laughing):
That�s crazy!

He�s-he�s not even educated.

And we are the best
educators I know.

But if you�re afraid
of a friendly wager...

What kind of a wager?

You�ve always been jealous
that I have the larger office.

Me? Jealous?

Oh, that is so petty.

Although you do have
a better parking spot than I do.

Is that included in the wager?

I�ll throw in both
if he doesn�t win.

Really?

Admittedly,
there is something

very appealing about those
broad, folksy shoulders of his.

COLLEEN:
And I suspect that underneath

that scraggly beard,
there could be

a campaign-worthy jawline.

You think he�d go for it?

There�s only one
way to find out.

(laughs softly)

HANNAH:
Excuse me! Excuse me,
Mr. Doolittle.

I have a proposition
for you.

Oh, yeah? Well,
what can I do for ya?

Well, it�s what we can
do for one another.

It seems there�s a
representative position

open in the area.

Yeah, that�s what
I was telling Colleen.

"Colleen," is it?

Yes, well,

as you told Colleen,

you�re interested
in becoming a candidate?

Yeah, of course. I mean, I�m
just as good as the next guy.

And it should be open to
anybody, you know what I mean?

That does seem to be...

a basic tenet
in this country.

Yeah, you know, I just figured,
like, if you could get me,

like, a little better
at all that talking and stuff...

Well, that would
take work.

Elliot Doolittle
ain�t afraid of a little work.

I insist on paying
for lessons.

I�m sure that we could
work something out.

That is... awesome!

I�m gonna be
the best darn sales rep

that Boston Colony
Beverage Company ever had.

Yes. I�m becoming
quite convinced

that you would make
a splendid representative.

Thank you very much.

We start work tomorrow
promptly at 9:00.

Oh, I�ll be here--
at 8:45.

(siren wailing in distance)

Well, he seems to have passed
the background check.

No felonies or scandals
that we can find.

And he volunteers
at a soup kitchen

over in Charlestown
once a month. So,

he�s pretty much
a blank canvas.

Sounds like an ideal candidate.

An ideal candidate
for your ideas

is what you�re saying, right?

You have to admit
they are better ideas

than what most people
are bringing to Washington.

So if I can�t
get elected,

then why not find
somebody else to present them?

All right.

(indistinct chatter)

COLLEEN:
Well, good morning,
Mr. Doolittle.

I see that you�re here
bright and early.

Rarin� to go.

Our first order
of business is...

taking care of this.
All right,
then, let�s go.

Wait, what-what
did she mean by...

what do you mean by that?
Trust me,
you�re gonna

thank us later.
What�s wrong
with what I�m wearing?

Just tell me where
we�re going. I�ll...

COLLEEN:
It�s gonna be fun.

Oh, no, I�m not going
to a salon.

Yes, you are.

(indistinct chatter)

And what might
we be doing today?

Well, for starters,
you can burn this.

What? That�s
my favorite hat!

That should be no one�s
favorite anything.

(sighs)
Godspeed.

(sighs)

(whistles loudly)

He�s ready.

Oh.

WOMAN:
Is his hair too
short in the back?

Well, I like a
little length,

but his hair
curls back there.

I wanted a clean look.

My goodness.

I do believe he
looks better than we ever

hoped for.

Um...
I must admit,
I had my doubts

at first, but it�s
actually been my pleasure.

(quietly): It is so rare
to see you speechless.

I think I�m gonna really
enjoy this process.
(groans)

Don�t be ridiculous.

I... was just thinking

about how we need to
change his wardrobe.

Mm-hmm.

So, how does
your new haircut feel?

Well, my neck feels
like a baby�s bottom.

Really weird.

Uh, yeah, this place is
a little bit out of my reach.

I mean, I ain�t got the job yet.

I can�t afford
these kind of duds.

Oh, well, don�t worry about it,
we�ll front you the cash.

I have so much confidence
that we will get you this job

that... you can pay us back.

(door opens)

COLLEEN:
I was thinking something simple

with a light stripe?

This all feels
so partisan.

(quietly):
If I belonged to a
younger generation,

I would say,
"Dang, he is fine."

Might I remind you that
is the exact generation

we are trying to rescue
from such phrases?

Let me just say this, Elliot,
if I didn�t know you better,

I�d say you looked
like... a young Kennedy.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

I feel like a total Barnie.

(sighs)
But I said I�d put myself
in your hands.

Don�t ruin the moment
by speaking.

And stop slouching--
stand up straight.

Nothing ruins a good suit
like bad posture.

Now the real work begins.

(Boston accent):
"I parked the car
in the far part of the yard."

No, "I parked the car
in the far part of the yard."
That�s what I said.

(Boston accent):
"I parked the car
in the far part of the yard."

No, the Rs. Rs. Rs.

You can hear
the difference, can�t you?

Yeah, you sound all wonky.

Perhaps you should try
wonky this time. Again.

"I par-r-rked the car-r-r

in the far-r-r par-r-rt
of the yar-r-rd."

Good.

Now let�s see if we can get you
to stop sounding like a pirate.

Having a heart attack.
While gargling.

(sighs)
Okay.

Well, Elliot Doolittle,
is it? Hello.

Hey! It�s a pleasure
to meet ya!
Ooh.

No, no, no, no, no,
you have it all wrong.

You don�t lunge at whomever
you�re shaking hands with.

One or two steps
forward is fine.

Confidence
but not aggression.

And though the rule
may have changed,

it is appropriate to allow
a lady to offer her hand first.

One or two shakes is fine.

She�s not a bicycle pump.
Okay.

What are you doing?
I got to take some notes.

I didn�t know there was so
much to a simple handshake.

I mean...

ELLIOT (carefully):
"The quick quail...

"crossing to and fro...

"quietly called out,

�Quid pro quo.�"

Well done, well done.

You sure we got
to do all this work

for me to be a sales rep?

Well, there are all sorts of
representatives, aren�t there?

So wouldn�t you want
to be prepared

for whatever option
presents itself?

Yeah, I guess.

Oh, but wait, uh,
"quid pro quo"--

is that a thing?

A thing?

It�s a Latin expression
for "give and take."

Like an exchange of
one thing for another.

Okay.

Now...

mind the vowels.

Okay, but it�s only been
a couple of weeks.

I mean, you can�t expect
me to be perfect yet.

"You guys"? Excuse me.

You know what I mean,
you and Colleen.

Okay, I know you�re not guys--
I mean, you�re a woman...

Wait, no, you�re not.
You�re a...

I�m not a woman?
Well, no, you are.
But you�re a...

you�re a lady.
I mean...

That�s... Is that okay?
That�s not, um...

What is that word?
Uh... condescending

if I think of
you as a lady?
No, that�s nice.

It�s a lot better
than "you guys."

Oh, but wait,
hold on a second.

I looked it up.

And it says, yes...

So, "guys" has become
acceptable slang in referring

(Boston accent):
to a group of non-gender...

gender, gender-specific
individuals.

Colleen never should�ve given
you her annotated dictionary.

Slang is the purview
of the Twitter set,

and it is with good reason
that Twitter begins with "twit."

Now, let me hear
the tongue twister.

How come I�m the one always
trying to talk like...

speak like you?

I mean, not everyone in
Boston speaks that way.

Much to my dismay.

You should say something
regular for a change.

Why would I do that?

How did you
put it? Uh...

(Boston accent):
you are a practitioner
of the art...

the art

of language.

I mean, if that�s true,

you should speak
my dialect,

you know? A little...

quid pro quo, as it was...
as it w... as it were.

As it were.

Unless you can�t do it.

Hmm.

(Boston accent):
You know, if you�d quit being

such a chowderhead,
I�d get you talking

so wicked good
they won�t even know

you�re down round Somerville.

That was awesome!

(laughs)

That was killer awesome!

If you tell Colleen, I�ll deny
that that ever happened.

Man, you�re good.

You are a practitioner
of the art of language.

(quietly):
How much wood would
a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck
could chuck wood?

It�s been five weeks,
and the deadline to announce

his candidacy is
fast approaching.

Which is why I am looking
for... this.

My lucky pen.

Is that the same
lucky pen

that I used to sign
my campaign documents?

Is this how you�re gonna
win our friendly wager?

By sabotage?

My, my, politics
apparently brings out

the suspicious side
of your nature.

I admit, originally,

I was skeptical.

But Elliot is showing some...

great promise.

I would certainly consider
voting for him

over Andrew Bridgeworth.

You think he�s ready
for a short speech?

"A proper coffee copy prop."

"A proper copy croppy pop."

"A croppy... a proper copy
copy..." Darn it!

Photo op. Press release.

(snaps fingers)

Great work.

ELLIOT:
State Building?
Why are we going here first?

Well, this is where you have
to file all your paperwork.

No, I�m pretty sure

we just drop off the application

at the beverage company.
What?

What do you mean,
"beverage company"?

Oh, yes, about that...

That�s what we�ve been doing
this whole time, right?

With all the clothes
and the lessons-- getting me

ready to be a sales rep at the
Boston Colony Beverage Company.

Actually, Elliot...

we�ve been preparing you
as a candidate

for the House of Representatives
in Washington, DC.

Perhaps I wasn�t
clear about that?

You mean, like, Congress?

Are you out of your minds?

This is all simply just a...
misunderstanding.

A mis... a misunderstanding?

Are you serious?
Are you kidding me right now?

I mean, I think
the misunderstanding

is me thinking you two aren�t...

straight-up crazy!

I�m gonna go put
in my application

at someplace where everyone
isn�t completely insane!

Wait. Elliot!

(sighs)

I was sure that...

once we got this far, he
would just go along with it.

But you didn�t tell him,
did you?
I did.

In my own way.

Your own way?

Which is pretty much
like a steamroller--

you just decide
a course of action

and then roll over everybody
who isn�t on board?

If it�s the best course
of action,

then why wouldn�t everyone
be on board?

Okay, Hannah,
go ahead and be glib.

This time, you have really
crossed the line.

(sighs)

(door opens)

Can I help you?

Wait a minute.

As I live and breathe,

is that Elliot
Doolittle?

Good morning, ladies.

My, my, my, you
clean up good, son.

Don�t he clean
up good, Viv?

Ooh la la, I will say so.

Good thing I�m not
20 years younger.

(chuckles)

But wait, why are you
dressed like that?

Oh, you poor dear,
did someone die?

No, no, ma�am.
Nothing like that.
Oh, good.

I am here to get John Henkels�
job as distribution rep.

I�ve been working
on some things, and...

I plan on being the best rep
this company ever had.

You�d be real
good at that.

Don�t you think he�d
be good at that, Viv?

Awful good. Real good.
So good.

Really good.
Aw, too bad, though.

Mr. Walters just offered
the job to his nephew.

Yeah...

He did?
WILMA/VIVIAN: Yeah.

Yeah.
Just between us,
the nephew?

Let�s just say he�s real lucky
his uncle owns a company,

you know what I�m saying?
Sheesh.
VIVIAN: Mm-hmm.

Five cans short of a six-pack,

you know?
I mean,

what are you gonna do?
What can you do?

What are you gonna do?
Aw.

I�m sorry, Elliot.

Yeah.

Well, it�s no big deal.
WILMA/VIVIAN: No.

All right.
WILMA: There�s plenty of jobs.

But thank you very much.
I�m sorry, hon.

All right. You guys
have a good day.

Sorry, hon.
Come any time, Elliot.

You hang in there, honey.
Come in any time.

Oh, that breaks my heart.
Ah.

Oh, my God, that broke my...
That broke my heart.

COLLEEN:
It�s been three days,

and we haven�t seen hide
nor hair of Elliot Doolittle.

It seems we have
two courses of action:

You can either
admit defeat...

When have I ever given up
on anything?

Or we can resort
to more drastic measures

and you could apologize.

Oh, all right, I�m sorry.

Hannah.

I�m sorry.

Don�t apologize to me.

Apologize to Mr. Doolittle.

(indistinct chatter)

(horns honking)

(dog barking)

(foghorn blowing)

(Elliot speaking indistinctly)

ELLIOT:
"The sheep were shorn
with sharpened shears

that showed the shearer�s
sharpening..."

(doorbell buzzes)

"The sheep were shorn
with sharpened shears

that showed the shearer�s
sharpening skills."

"The sheep were shorn
with sharpened shears

that showed the shearer�s
sharpening skills."

"The sheep were..."

You were practicing.

No, I wasn�t.

You know, proper manners would
dictate that you invite me in.

Suit yourself.

That�s a lovely picture.
Cute kids.
(tools jangling)

I didn�t realize
you were married.

One of a number of things
you failed to ask me.

I suppose I deserve that.
(Elliot grunts)

(sighs)

I�m not married.

It�s my sister Bonnie

and her family.

Frank died in a construction
accident a few years back.

I�m so sorry to hear that.

Did he have
life insurance?
(scoffs)

Life insurance? Do you
know where you are?

People around here are lucky
enough to just have a job.

There�s a job
opening up in Congress.

And you decided to put me up
for it all by yourself.

Without my
consent. Why?

�Cause in your world,
you think I talk like an idiot,

so I must be one?

No! No, you�re not an idiot.

That�s quite obvious.

We never could�ve...

accomplished such great things
in such a short period of time.

(sighs)

You have an amazingly keen ear.

Your grasp of phonetics

and the way
you�ve adapted your grammar--

it�s quite remarkable, really.

I�ve never...
taught anyone like you.

You think you can just drop by
here and flatter me a little.

Is that it?
Flattery is beneath me.

Then what exactly
are you doing here?

You have such amazing potential.

When I think of the things
that we could accomplish...

And you have the audacity

to accuse me
of treating you unfairly?

Okay, fine!

Fine.

But...

maybe some of this
is your fault, too.

What?

It infuriates me to see

how low you have set
your own bar.

Carrying kegs

and fixing pipes is all fine
and good, but...

if you think that�s the limit
of your capabilities, then...

...perhaps you are an idiot.

(car engine starting)

Elliot?

Good morning.

What a pleasure
it is to see you.

It�s very nice
to see you, too.

Well, I must admit,
the office has been

a little dull
these past few days.

I understand.
Come on in.

(both laugh)

I trust everything is well?

Things are
great.
Good.

ELLIOT:
Helmet comes off.
COLLEEN: No.

ELLIOT:
Puck right into the face.

Loses a tooth.
COLLEEN:
I don�t believe it.

ELLIOT: But he still
stops the puck.
Oh...

ELLIOT:
I mean, he is... toughest
guy you�ve ever met.

Isn�t this cozy?

Oh, Elliot was just teaching me
a few hockey terms.

Ask me what a hat trick is.

I really
wouldn�t dare.

Oh, I forgot to ask.

How�s it going
at the beverage company?

I�m sure they
are so lucky to have you.

Ah, the job went to the boss�s
nephew. You know how it is.

I�m sorry to hear
that, I really am.

Um, oh, so this is why
I came back. Here.

Um... you forgot that.

Sorry, I tried
to fold it.
Is that it?

I was hoping that
Hannah�s apology

might make you
rethink our campaign.

Apology?

(laughing):
That�s...

interesting.
Uh, she did say

that I was infuriating,

uh, and then she said
it was my fault, and then,

um, yeah, right before
she stomped out of the house,

she stated that I very well
might be an idiot.

So... you know. Admittedly,

you-you know, you know,
language better than I do, but

I don�t think
that�s what "apology" means.

Hannah, is
that true?

That is an absolute fabrication.
I do not stomp!

Uh-huh, granted.

But you were supposed
to go over to Elliot�s

to offer him
an apology. Did you?

In a manner
of speaking.

At the very least,
it was implied.

Yeah, but I certainly
couldn�t have inferred it.

Oh, you wouldn�t even know
what that word means

if I hadn�t
been drilling vocabulary

into your skull for
the last six weeks.

Even so, Elliot, you have come
quite out of your way

merely to return just a scarf.

So, if Hannah
were to apologize

for railroading you...

Oh, "railroading" him?

Shh. Would you consider
our proposal?

Well, it�d depend
on the apology.

I see. Hannah?

Elliot, there seems
to have been a misunderstanding.

I assumed, incorrectly,
that you had enough information

to make a sensible decision
and join us of your own accord.

You see, in that apology,

some of the words seem
to obscure the "I�m sorry" part.

Well, perhaps you
will let me show you

what I mean by "objectives"
and "sensible decision."

This is the Educational
Enrichment Program

that I chaired
for the last six years.

Is that like a practice
school for teachers?

No, we take
educational theories

and put them into
actual classrooms.

Colleen and I have focused
most of our efforts

on programs to help
learning-disabled children,

using visual,
interactive techniques.

We�ve had a lot of success
with pilot programs

all over Boston.

Students with dyslexia,
for example,

have difficulty
understanding numbers

in their conceptual form.

This technique allows them

to associate numbers
with structures.

And using their
hands allows

for greater long-term
comprehension.

WOMAN:
Ariel?

X equals 127.5?

WOMAN:
Exactly.

Our plan is
to get schools

to adopt these
programs nationwide.

ELLIOT:
What about you?

What made you
become an educator?

People lose things.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Last week, my sister
just couldn�t find her keys.

We found �em in the fridge.

Well, I was thinking
more on a larger scale.

Like this car,

for example.

Vehicles get lost or
stolen all the time.

People lose their
homes in fires.

Businesses go bankrupt
at an alarming rate.

These major things in
which we put such stock

can be so easily lost.

Yeah, I get that.

I mean, a lot of our neighbors
have been foreclosed.

The same could be said about
a lot of people, I guess.

My mom passed away
when I was eight,

and my dad basically raised me

and my little sister.
He taught me...

...that the one thing in life

that can never be taken away
is education.

That�s why our
educational program

and others like it
are so important.

We give children something
that can never be lost.

That�s something that I was
hoping to take to Washington.

That�s something I was hoping
you would take to Washington.

(sighs)

You really think
I could do this?

Like, get elected
and help people?

I do.

But the important thing
is that you believe it yourself.

I hope you�ll consider it.

Okay.

Okay... you�ll consider it?

Nah, I just did.

I�m in.

(laughs)

Okay.

Right here. Right here.

(camera shutter clicking)

(speaks quietly)

You have to get down lower.

All right.

This is so embarrassing.

(speaks quietly)

(speaks quietly)

(speaks quietly)

Listen to me.

Stand up straight.
Look confident.

Smile.
Yes, yes, yes!

And...

We got it. We got it.

Hey.

("Hail to the Chief" plays)

(laughter)

(Frank clears his throat)

"Local man enters race
for vacant congressional seat."

(applause, cheering
and whooping)

FRANK:
I guess you really

know you made it when the papers
are calling you "local man."

(laughter)

Yeah, real funny.

You�re cracking me up over here.

Hey, Elliot, when you get
down there to Washington,

you should appoint one
of them commissions to find out

why the Celtics ain�t got
no outside game no more.

And you should pass a law saying

my wife can�t start
yelling at me

until at least five minutes
after I get in the door.

(laughter)

And a law saying
that happy hour�s

at least three hours.

I mean, come on.
(whooping)

All right. It�s a top priority.

I�m gonna get right on it,
all right?

Yeah, Elliot.

MAN 2:
Well done.
(overlapping chatter)

MAN:
That was funny.

And, uh...

You know, my ma�s pills.

Yeah.
She been taking

the same medication
all the time,

and it seems like every year,
they keep jacking up the cost.

Somebody should do something.

I think you�re right.

I�ve reworked the speech
for the PAC meeting.

Pearce?

When Elliot gets here,
will you have him come see me?

Uh, there�s someone
here to see you.

I�d like a word or
two with him myself.

And you would be?

His ma! Why?

You don�t see
the resemblance?

Hannah. So lovely
to meet you.

(chuckles)

This is Colleen.

Hello.
Hey.

I come down so�s me
and you can have us a talk,

you know, mano a mano.

Can I offer you something
to drink?

You wouldn�t happen
to have a beer handy?

No, no, I�m
afraid we don�t.

Coffee or tea perhaps?

Can you make that coffee Irish?

Nah?

Well, I�m good, then.

Would... care to step
into my office?

It�s funny.

We did a background check on
Elliot before the campaign.

There was no mention
of his mother.

Oh, probably �cause we ain�t got
the same last name.

If you want
to get all proper about it,

I�m Allie O�Malley-
Doolittle-McClaren-Dabrowski.

Ain�t that a mouthful?

Certainly is.

As long as we�re being
blunt here,

might as well come

right out with it.

What�s the racket
you�re running?

Racket?

No need to play coy with me,
sister.

I know that folks give you money
when you run for office.

That Bridgeworth fella�s loaded.

So maybe you shake him down
for some,

so�s Elliot will drop

out of the race, right?

Being his ma and all, I figure

I�m entitled
to part of the take.

Oh, no, no,
you have it all wrong.

We are intent on getting
your son elected to Congress.

Oh. So you�re running
the long con

is what you�re doing.

You get him into office.

You get the kickbacks
from the lobbyists.

So-called appearance fees.

And don�t think I ain�t heard
of all that PAC money.

We believe your son�s candidacy
could actually help people.

(gulps) My Elliot?

Mm-hmm.

You got to be kidding me.

That boy�s always had more heart
than brains.

But if he�s going
to be helping people,

he might as well start
with yours truly here.

I figure it might be worth
your whiles

to give me a little
something-something.

One of them "stippends,"

or stipends,
whatever you call it.

You could consider me
a consultant

on how to handle my kid.

There�s my baby boy!

Oh! Oh!
Ma?

What are you doing here?

(grunts)

Looky there.

You got him
all dolled up!

(sighs)
I get the impression

you won�t want me showing up
at every campaign stop.

Especially since my
biggest question

to anybody
running for office

is how they plan on preparing

for the oncoming
zombie apocalypse.

And that ain�t
gonna go over

well with Elliot here,

because he�s afraid of zombies.

Is that so?

Have we discovered
your Achilles� heel?

What? No.

I mean... listen, I...

Zombies are unsettling.

We can all agree.

But, wait.
Hold on a second.

Are you going to let her
turn this

into a deliberation
on zombies?

Deliberation?

Listen to
Mr. Fancy Britches here.

How much cash
do we have in the office?

You are not seriously
considering paying her?

She is threatening to show up
at every campaign event.

Plus, it�ll give us insight
into Elliot�s history.

Just can�t do it.

Ha-ha!
We�re prepared
to make you a deal.

How does a grand sound?

What?! No, no, no,
do not encourage her.

She is not...
Shut up.

Grown-ups are talkin� here.

(softly):
Whoa.

Now, that�s way
too generous.

With that kind of money,
I�d feel obligated

to use it for something useful,
like put it on the rent.

I just want to go
have me a good time

with some friends,
get my drink on,

maybe even put some money
down on a pony or two.

So $100, $150�s about
as much as I could spend

without, uh, feeling
too bad about it.

You drive a hard
bargain, but...

you got yourself a deal.

Ah...

ELLIOT:
...one of the most highly
respected countries...

I mean nations-- nations.
What is my problem?

You�ve practiced
this speech 1,000 times.

Just relax.
Relax?

Well, yeah, okay,
that�s easy for you to say.

Relax.
Elliot,
she�s right.

And the Boston
Civic Alliance

is practically on
your side already.

They were big
supporters of Hannah�s,

and their president,
Humphrey Rossdale,

was my cochair over at
New England Preparatory.

After the speech,
just stick to generalities

when talking to people.
COLLEEN:
And breathe.

The first rule is always
to just keep breathing.

(Elliot exhales loudly)

ELLIOT:
America has gone from being

one of the most
highly educated nations

to 33rd.

As your representative
in Congress,

I will pledge to make education
a top priority.

(whispers):
He�s doing very well.

Yeah, we need to relax
his gestures, but we�re okay.

ELLIOT: In closing,
it is my sincere desire

that we guarantee
that no child in our schools

is denied access
to the lifetime advantages

that only education can provide.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me?

Uh, thank you so much

for joining us today,
Mr. Doolittle.

What are
your thoughts

about the current cuts and how
they�re affecting education?

We didn�t prepare
for a Q and A.

Uh, well...

(inhales)

(electronic feedback)

(crowd murmuring)

The cuts deeply affect
our schools.

Um...

You know, an example
is my niece.

Her favorite teacher,

Mrs. Gunther, was laid off,

and she was transferred to an
already overcrowded classroom.

We need to figure out
another way

to balance the budget,
because the ones

paying for these cuts
are the children.

(people murmuring in agreement)

(quietly):
Where did that come from?

He�s actually fielding
the question.

ELLIOT:
It�s like...

it�s like the Three Stooges.

Oh, dear.

You know how it is when
Moe pokes Curly in the eyes?

Yeah, we just lost
Hillary Townsend�s vote.

Yeah, I think that�s the
least of our worries.

Well, that�s what it�s like
with our kids.

Except we�re not
giving them

the tools to stop him.

To go like... go like this.

(people groaning)
So I�m asking you,

do you really want Moe
gouging our kids in the eyes?

(scattered laughter)

Thank you.
Yeah.

We�d-we�d like to thank
Mr. Doolittle for...

speaking to us today.

Remember, we are
just five weeks away

from the special election.

And now we�ll adjourn
for tea and cake.

(applause continues)

Thank you so much.

(indistinct chatter)

HUMPHREY:
I must say, there is a...

folksy populism to him.

And according
to our straw polls,

he�s leading Andrew Bridgeworth
by three to one

with women voters.

We�re working on...

broadening his
frame of reference.

You mean the Q and A.

I love the Three Stooges.

I think he�s onto
something there.

(indistinct chatter)

We�ll work on aspects
of your speech, but...

for your first foray
into public speaking,

you did really well.

Yeah? Thank you.

You know, I was a little scared
at first, but, uh,

you know, after a while,
it just...

it was just like being me,

you know,
talking to people.

Hey.
Hey, Bon.

So, you must be
the mystery lady

I was hearing so much
about, huh? I was wondering

when we was gonna
get a look at you.
Hannah,

allow me to introduce you
to my sister, Bonnie Cleary.

This is Hannah Higgins.
Pleasure
to meet you.

Oh, no, trust me, sister,
the pleasure�s all mine.

Uh, Skootch, you want
to do me a favor,

go check on Junior for me?
He was heading in the backyard

with his Little League bat
and his "smash something" face.

(chuckles)
"Skootch"?

Oh, no, that�s nothing.

No, see, it�s actually,
it�s from when we was kids.

You had to watch this one
all the time.

He�d skootch
out of his clothes,

go running down the block.

You know, Bon,
I don�t think

she wants to hear about that.

Mmm, maybe I do.
Yeah, neighbors was
always bringing him back

wrapped in dish towels...
I�m gonna go check
on Junior.

I�ll see you in the morning?

BONNIE:
You better skootch
out of that suit first.

ELLIOT:
Yeah, I�m gonna
skootch you.

It was lovely to meet you.

What�s your rush?

You should come in for coffee.

Oh, I really should
be on my way.

No. You�re coming in for coffee.

You and me should, uh...
we should have a little chat.

Besides, you�re parked
right here already even, huh?

Uh...
Oh, no,
don�t sweat it.

Your car�ll be fine, huh?

Uh...

Hey, John?

John!

This lady�s
a friend of mine, okay?

So her car�s
gonna be fine. Okay?

If not, I�m gonna hunt you down
and make earrings

out of your
kidneys, okay?

Right this way.

Make yourself
comfortable.

Not there-- that chair�s
wicked rickety.

(chair squeaks against floor)

(glassware clinking)

ELLIOT:
I am the warlock.

Here is my...

(yelling)

(makes high-pitched
cawing noise)

(high-pitched cawing)

I wonder what I would have done
without my kid brother there.

We was barely scraping by
before my husband Frank died.

And after, well...

he was barely in the ground
before the wolves from the bank

started threatening
to throw us out of here.

(laughter and indistinct chatter
from outside)

I got something
of a proud streak.

I�d rather chew off an arm
than ask for help.

So I didn�t say nothing.

First thing I know,
there was Elliot.

He�s standing in the hall.

He�d given up his apartment,
he�d sold all his stuff.

He�s standing there with a check
for his security deposit

and everything
he had in the bank.

We�re not on easy street
by a long shot, but, uh,

thanks to him, we�re not
on the street, neither.

Coffee�s ready.

I�ll, uh... I�ll let you
doctor it up yourself.

I�m always afraid I�ll put
too much of one or the other.

Thank you.

So what�s going on
with you and my brother?

I mean, he gets with you,

and all of a sudden,
he�s-he�s talking different.

He�s dressing different.

He�s getting these big ideas
in his head

about running for office.

I appreciate your directness.

It frustrates me
when women sidestep an issue

for the sake of politeness.

That ain�t never been
my problem.

Let me assure you that in no way
did your brother get with me.

Even so, he is an adult,

and he�s free
to conduct his own affairs.

Hey, hey, hey,
don�t get your Irish up.

I got good reason
for asking.

He�s a grown man, yeah,

but he�s also a nice guy,

and women have taken advantage

of that in the past.

Always getting him
to do crazy stuff.

That started with Ma.

The inimitable Allie?

I�m not even sure
what that means,

but I take it by that,
you�ve met her?

She�s a piece of work,
our ma, huh?

Yes. She is a piece of work.

You still haven�t answered
my question.

You want to know
what my intentions are

towards your brother?

Yeah.

I intend to run him
for Congress.

I got that part.

Look, what I�m asking is,

what are your intentions,
you know, personal?

You misunderstand the situation.

I intend to get your brother
elected to Congress.

In no way do we have

a personal
relationship.

Honey, every relationship
is personal.

You don�t believe that,

maybe you got
the misunderstanding

of the situation.

ELLIOT:
Ow! Ow!

Oh, too much hair,
too much hair.

I am deeply offended!

(slaps podium)

I am offended

by the way that you
are characterizing

my position on
the issues.

HANNAH:
And how do you respond?

I didn�t mean to upset her.

No, she�s not upset;
she�s Andrew Bridgeworth.

Oh.
And he probably will say
something like that

to get you
to fly off the handle

and say something rash.

And don�t talk to me;
I�m the moderator.

Talk to the voters

in the audience.

Right. Okay, sorry.

Let�s do it again.

I am appalled, I tell you,

about how you have
misrepresented

my position!

Perhaps my mistake
has been to imply

that my opponent
actually has a position.

Because, frankly,
besides offering

vague political platitudes,
I have yet to hear

Mr. Bridgeworth take a solid
stand on any of the matters

that we all face.

And I think the voters
deserve better than that.

I think you�re ready.

Yes!

I am ready to represent

the hardworking people
of the state of Massachusetts.

No, I was being Hannah
that time.

Oh.
(chuckles)

Right. Sorry.

Well, thank you.

(crowd cheering)

? I�m gonna
tell you about my town ?

? I�m gonna tell you
a big fat story, baby ?

? Ah, it�s all about my town ?

? Yeah, down by the river ?

Hey, how are you?
Good to see you.

Wow, you�re really
serious about this.

Well, I�m a man
of the people, right?

Well, the people
you�re referencing--

this is what we do.

Oh... oh,
no, no, no.

You�re not seriously gonna
make me wear those, are you?

Do you know how many
feet have been in there?

Relax, Cinderella.

No one has ever died
from bowling shoes.

Or bowling, for that matter.

So, take your shoes...

and smile for the cameras.

Thank you, everyone,

for coming out tonight.

I really look forward
to hearing your thoughts

about what I should do
in Washington,

but first,
let�s roll a few!

(crowd cheering)

? I mean, they�re frustrated ?

? Had to be in by 12:00 ?

? Oh, that�s a shame ?

? But I�m wishing... ?

Just hold it like
I showed you.

One hand off.

Put this up on
your fingers.

Finger here,
finger here.

This here.
There you go.

Now you just
got to relax.

You�re a
little stiff.

Now move the hips.

Aim. Aim.
(chuckles)

I�ve got it.

? Oh, Boston, you�re my home ?

(shrieks)

ALL:
Oh!
Oh, my God.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Nothing wounded
but my pride.

Knowing you, that�ll
recover in no time.

Oh, look!

Look, look!

Go, ball!

Go, ball! Go!

ALL:
Oh...

Yes!
Oh, there it is!

One more turn.
Roll, ball.

One more.

Oh, yes!

(cheering)

Unbelievable!

ELLIOT:
Wow...
Yes! Yes!

You should quit
while you�re ahead.

I�m just getting started.

(laughs)

(cheering)

MAN: ...people around here,
they don�t have what we had.

That�s kind of
the situation here.

ELLIOT:
I agree.

They shouldn�t take it
out on anyone else.

You�ve done all
you can do.

You got to write to me.

Sure.
All right,
thanks so much.

I really appreciate it.

That�s the third bunch of guys
that has said the same thing.

You know that big road
construction project

that�s supposed to bring in
all these new jobs?

The contracts all
have been awarded

to Hipark Construction,
a subsidiary of ABcorp.

Which is owned by
Andrew Bridgeworth.

Exactly. And they plan on
bringing in all their own men.

They probably won�t be doing
any local hires.

And that sort of thing
is only gonna get worse

if he�s elected to Congress.

I thought tonight
was very informative.

And I look forward
to taking your thoughts

and concerns with
me to Washington.

Thank you, thank you
very much for your support.

Any questions?
(reporters clamor)

Ms. Higgins,

last year, you lost a bid
for the same congressional seat

Mr. Doolittle�s running for.

Do you find it
easier to be

running a campaign
instead of

being a candidate
yourself?

Each one presents
its own challenges.

But I feel that Elliot
is exactly the kind of man

we all need
representing our interests.

MAN: Have you seen
your bowling video?

Bowling video?

Video�s already going viral.

(screams)
(crowd laughing)

20,000 hits.

(laughing continues)

All of my life, I�ve been
involved in education.

Tonight, I was reminded

that there is nothing
more educational than--

as my colleague
Elliot would put it--

as falling on my butt.

(crowd laughing)

(applauding)

We�re two weeks
out from the election,

and the latest polling numbers

have us out front of Bridgeworth
by seven points.

(phone ringing)

Uh, I have to take this.

Would you give me a moment?
Elliot. Elliot Doolittle.

But it looks like, in the
men over 50 demographic,

our lead narrows.

All right.
Yes, they do
seem to be

Bridgeworth�s
biggest supporters.

How do we reach
those people?

Uh, I have to leave
for an hour or two.

Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah, it�s fine.

It�s, uh, just a family thing.

(siren whoops in distance)

I know exactly how much dough
was in my purse.

Don�t think
I ain�t gonna count it.

I�d expect no less.

Now, Allie...

I don�t want
to hear about

no more altercations
at the racetrack.

Why don�t you pick
on someone your own size.

Ain�t that what they always say?
(laughs)

Ma, you punched a jockey.

Anybody�d have
done the same.

That filly was a sure thing,
on the outside.

He ran her right
along the fence.

Hey, you�re just lucky
that little fella

isn�t pressing charges.

Figures he�s never
gonna hear the end of it

around the paddock
if they know

he got his clock cleaned
by an old lady.

Call me an old lady
one more time,

see if I don�t climb
across that counter

and give you something...
Ma, settle down.

Let�s just
get out of here.

Come on, get
your stuff.

All right. Thank you.

No problem, Elliot.

Hey, see if you can
keep her out of here

for, uh, I don�t know,
six months this time?

Yeah, right.
(laughs)

Good luck.

OFFICER:
Got to get moving.

ALLIE:
Whoa, stop!

ALLIE:
Where�s the bar?

WOMAN:
Thinking about voting
for Elliot Doolittle?

Think again.

Elliot Doolittle claims
he�s a man of the people...

Are you seeing this?

It�s appalling.

Exactly what kind of people
is he talking about?

Elliot Doolittle
is not just soft on crime.

Elliot Doolittle maintains
an ongoing relationship

with a repeat offender.

Are you willing to elect

a member of a crime family
to Congress?

I�m Andrew Bridgeworth,
and I approve this message.

Oh! "Crime family"?

First of all, that ad
is positively libelous.

And second,
how is getting arrested

in keeping with our agreement
to lay low?

I want my $150 back!

(sighs)

BRIDGEWORTH:
I stand behind
all the statements

we�ve made in our ads.

These accusations
are salacious.

MODERATOR:
Do you mean "fallacious?"

Yeah, that, too.

Are you saying
Mr. Bridgeworth is lying?

(Elliot sighs)

ELLIOT:
Well, technically, no.
(audience murmurs)

The "crime family"
part is misleading.

It�s ridiculous.

Okay, my mother
has a record.

I think we all
have family members

that do things
we might not agree with.

Do I support all the choices
that my mother has ever made?

No.

Do I support my mother?

Always.

(applause)
MAN:
All right!

(approving murmurs)

MAN:
Yeah!

MAN 2:
Well put!

Thank you.
Thank you.

I think you�ve absolutely taken
the right position

in supporting your mother.

It�s just a no-win situation.

Now, unfortunately, we�re
looking at a drop in the polls

that puts us in a dead heat
with Bridgeworth.

(phone ringing)

Got to take this.
All right.

Elliot Doolittle!

(distorted voice):
Elliot Doolittle?

Sorry, I can�t hear you.

Can you hear me?

Excuse... can you speak up?

I have some information
that can turn

your whole campaign around.

But I�m only gonna
give it to you.

Meet me in one hour,
in Lee�s Pub.

Come alone.

And that�s
all he said.

Well, I think it�s
very suspicious

how he�s playing this
on the down low.

"Down low"? Seriously?

You�re gonna say that
with a straight face?

Hannah, I�m sorry,
but this is exactly what it is.

Okay.

Well, whatever�s
going on,

we have one week
till the election,

and it�s anybody�s
race at this point.

We could use any
advantage we could get.

(sighs)
I�m going.

(rock music plays inside)

(indistinct talking, laughing)

Excuse me.

(sighs)

Hey. Elliot Doolittle...
Yeah, I know
who you are.

With the posters and
the TV commercials,

you�re kind of
hard to miss.

Okay.
And you are?

Someone who�s looking to
keep this on the down low,

let�s say.
"Down low."

Colleen was right.

Excuse me?

No, nothing. Go on.

I will say me
and a lot of the boys

think you�re getting a bum rap.

"The boys"?

Maybe some boys
down at the station.

But you didn�t hear
nothing from me.

Mug shots and arrest reports.

"Veronica Maxwell"?

Currently better known
as Jessica Bridgeworth.

Seems like,
back in college,

your opponent�s wife
was quite the kleptomaniac.

You�ll see six different
shoplifting arrests

over the course of three years.

Maybe you�re not the only one
from a "crime family."

(knocks on the table)

Our investigator says
this all checks out.

What are we supposed
to do with it?

Who in the media do we know
who we can slip this to?

But it can�t look
like it came from us.

Well, you�re right.
It has to look

like it came from
an outside source.
Now, hold on.

Are we sure that we
really want to do this?

I mean, this woman
has children,

who I bet know
nothing about this.

These arrests happened
20 years ago.

I mean, is she really
a threat to the public

or a reason her husband
shouldn�t hold office?

Well, I think we can all agree
the answer�s no.

Yeah, all this does
is embarrass our opponent.

And I thought you didn�t
want to run a dirty campaign.

That was before he
started playing dirty.

This was the same man
who lambasted you

and accused you of doing
the exact same thing.

I can�t stand for
that kind of hypocrisy.

Yeah, but his wife
isn�t the candidate.

Neither is
your mother.
Exactly!

And it�s wrong what they�re
saying about my mother,

so how do you justify

doing the exact same thing
to his wife?

I don�t know.

Look.

I know that,
these days,

everybody�s
entire history,

their every mistake,
is on the Internet.

And it makes
people think that

their personal life
is fair game.

But just because things
are one way, it doesn�t mean

that we can�t strive
for something better.

What do you want to do
with all this information?

Oh, you guys are too kind
to come out here.

It�s 5:30 in the morning,
we should all be back in bed,

so I really appreciate
you coming out this early.

(indistinct conversations,
phone ringing)

(cheering, applauding)

(indistinct conversations)

You guys are doing
a great job.

Hey!

Hey, how
you doing?
All right.

(cheering, applauding)

Want to get a
little closer?

Whoop, there they are!

Come here!

You gonna come
out to the polls?

You promise me?
Sure I am.

Great. Thanks a lot.

Come here! (laughs)

We can�t skimp on the investment

we�re making
in our children�s future.

We are 33rd
in the world right now.

...smaller classrooms,
there�s too many kids.

We need scholarships,
math and science scholarships.

It is my number one priority.

...ready for tomorrow...
No, no, no!

Please tell Sarah
I need her here.

I know what it�s like
to struggle

from paycheck to paycheck.

I�ve struggled
to make ends meet,

and to provide
for my loved ones,

and that is the perspective

that I�m going to bring
with me to Washington.

(cheering)

Thank you.

(indistinct conversations,
phone ringing)

Yeah. Thank you.

(cheering)

Yeah, hey,
how are you?

Hey, man.
Good to see you.
All right!

ELLIOT:
Ooh, man.

Oh, please tell me
that�s the last one.

I promise.

(laughs in relief)

I think we�re ready.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, um...

we�ll...
well, I guess, uh...

I guess we should
say good night.

Tomorrow�s a big day.

Right. Good night.

How do you
feel about me?

About you?

Yeah.

You know, my chances
in the election.

Are you... are you scared?
Are you nervous?

I-I have a hard time
reading you sometimes.

And by sometimes,
I mean... always.

Oh.

Am I nervous?

At this point,
I think we�ve done all we can.

We�ve addressed
the issues.

We�ve stated our positions.

It�s all in the voters� hands
at this point.

There�s nothing
to be nervous about.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, there�s no reason
to be nervous.

Why? Are you?

I am, like,
crazy nervous.

I know exactly
what you mean.

It�s so not like me.

I am, like, 50%
kid night before Christmas,

I am 50% kid, like, on

a scary high dive,
and then I�m 50%,

like, I don�t even...
I don�t even know what.

Well, that would be...
really add up to like 150...

I know that the numbers
don�t add up,

but, like, this whole thing
doesn�t add up.

I mean, think about me
three months ago,

and then think about me now.

Tomorrow, I could be
United States Congressman.

That is... it�s mind-blowing.

I know exactly what you mean.

I-I was never this nervous
during my own campaign.

I was so logical.
Everything was so clear.

Now... I don�t know.

Things are different.

I�m sorry.

I�m usually not
at a loss for words.

(chuckles)

That is true.

Hannah...

I want you to know
how grateful I am

for everything
that you�ve done, and I...

and I just... I hope,
no matter what happens tomorrow,

that, um...
that I don�t disappoint you.

Whatever happens,
I don�t think you ever could.

Elliot Doolittle.

(chuckles)

You got my vote.

Oh, thank you very much.
All right.

Hey. Uh, can I pick
your brain for a second?

Yeah. Uh...

I�ve got some ideas

I wouldn�t mind
running by you.

I�m going to say
good night.

So, anyway, I...

Good night.

(continues speaking
indistinctly)

Hey. Oh, wow,
you look great.

Oh, well, there are going
to be photographers there.

Right? So...
Yeah.

Um... so, would it
be a problem

if Bonnie and the kids
came with us?

You know, the kids
are real excited,

but Bonnie didn�t
want to intrude.

Thought it was, like,
a date or something.

A date? To vote?

(chuckling): No, that would...
that would be so silly, right?

Right? Yeah.

So silly. Okay.

Right?

Right? Yeah.

Um...

Okay. All right.
Hey, guys, let�s go.

Okay.

Here we go.
All right, be careful.

BONNIE:
Hey, hey, slow down.

Knock it off!
The polls are open all day.

ELLIOT:
Take it easy on them.
They�re just kids.

Right. You had my morning,
you�d be yelling, too. Hi.

Thank you very much.
ELLIOT: Buckle up.
Buckle up.

BONNIE:
Yeah, they know how cars work.

All right, everybody set?
Fingers and toes?

BONNIE: Yes.
ELLIOT: J.J., remember,
you�re A-Team.

BONNIE:
A-Team, where�s my button?

NEWSCASTER:
Polls are opening
early this morning

as the special election
gets underway.

Already, there are reports
of heavy voter turnout

in this hotly contested race

between political outsider
Elliot Doolittle

and businessman
Andrew Bridgeworth.

It�s-it�s over here?
Oh... okay.

Uh, Elliot Doolittle--
I have worked with him

for the last eight years,
and he never called in once.

That is responsibility.

NEWSCASTER: Exit polling
shows a significant

blue collar turnout
for Elliot Doolittle.

The beer vendor turned
congressional candidate

had jumped out to an early lead

over his rival,
Andrew Bridgeworth.

Ah, that Elliot.
You know, he�s one of our own.

He�s like family
around here.

He�s practically
like a...
Not like a son. No.

No, no, no, no, �cause neither
one of us is really...

We�re not old enough...
To have a son
that age.

More like a kid brother.
Oh, I like that.
That�s good.

(indistinct chatter)

One time, I seen him
juggle three kegs.

Okay, they were...
they were mini-kegs,

and they was empties,
but in my book,

anybody who can do that

is cut out for that circus
in Washington.

Know what I�m saying?

NEWSCASTER: As a wider sampling
of exit polls comes in,

Andrew Bridgeworth seems to be

taking the lead
over Elliot Doolittle.

ALLIE:
You know, all that talk

that Bridgeworth fella
was spreading was lies.

Crime family? Ha!

I�d like to get
a hold of that guy

and give him a wicked case
of what for.

That�s what I would do.

(crowd cheering)

Ah, there you go.

(laughs)

REPORTER: Well, Keith, for those
of us on the ground here,

the race is still
too close to call,

with Doolittle now moving ahead
of Bridgeworth.

You know, if Elliot
gets elected...
Mm-hmm.

folks around here
are going to want a party.

Oh, my God, we�re going
to have us a ripper.

Oh, and it�s not like we
don�t have enough beer for it.

Ha!
It�s going to be
a mad ripper.

A wicked mad ripper.
What?!

NEWSCASTER:
With nearly 75%

of the polling places
now closed,

it appears
that Andrew Bridgeworth

has a small but significant
lead over Elliot Doolittle.

MAN:
Taxi!

(crowd cheering)

ELLIOT:
Thank you!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

(chuckles)

You, you, you.

Thank you.

I can�t tell you

how much I appreciate
your support.

Um, in particular,
I�d like to thank

Hannah Higgins
and Colleen Pickering

for the unenviable task

of guiding me through
this entire process.

You got that right.

It has been a thrilling journey.

Uh, one that has led me

to be standing
before you this evening.

(cheering and applause)

Now, uh, nearly all the
precincts have been counted,

the margin is razor-thin...

(crowd murmuring)

...but it is now time

to offer my congratulations
to my opponent

on a well-fought campaign

and wish him the best

as our newest
United States Congressman.

(crowd groaning)

ELLIOT:
No, no.

MAN:
Don�t quit! Don�t quit!

It�s okay. It�s okay.

(chuckling)

Uh, while we
concede the election,

I want all of you to know

that in no way does this
nullify your involvement

or diminish the ideals
that you�ve embraced.

We will continue to work hard

to accomplish
our goals.

I hope you will do the same.

(applause)

Thank you very much!

Bring it in.

Hey, sis.

CROWD:
Elliot! Elliot!

Elliot! Elliot! Elliot!

Thank you so much.

Oh, you�re going
to get �em next time.

I�m not sure I have
a next time planned,

but thank you for
your kind words.

WOMAN (over TV):
I don�t know.

I-I really liked
Elliot Doolittle,

so it was hard to decide.

But then there was all that
stuff the other guys was saying,

and it made it
even harder to decide.

When I think
about all the struggles

and the sacrifices
I went through

raising my kid and his sister--
poor single ma and all--

break your heart.

Maybe they could do
a TV movie about me.

Who could I talk to about that?

Huh? Who can I...?
MAN: Don�t touch that.

Let me tell you,
even if he wasn�t blood,

I�d still vote for him
�cause you are just not

going to find a more stand-up

kind of guy
than Elliot Doolittle.

And, uh...

At the very least,
it was a noble defeat.

You can keep your nobility.

I wish we had taken
the kid gloves off

and wiped the floor
with that Bridgeworth creep.

Why, Miss Higgins,
if I didn�t know better,

I would swear you have gone
from being an idealist

to a politician.

It has been
a thrilling journey...

COLLEEN: He did give
a lovely concession speech.

One never would have guessed

he was delivering beer kegs
a few months ago.

Kudos to you, I suppose.

Kudos to us both.

I guess I�ll be moving into
your office pretty soon.

Yes. Fair is fair.

I fully plan on

squaring things up
between the two of us.

Good.

And Elliot?

What about the two of you?

Oh, please.

Don�t be ridiculous.

There is no "two of us."

I actually was just thinking
about how it�s time

to release our charge
back into the wild.

COLLEEN:
Really? How do you
propose to return him

back to his
natural habitat?

Suppose we could just
open the doors

and let him run free.

You think he
would just wander out?

We could drop him
off at a hockey game

with a six-pack
of beer.

(laughing):
Oh, you�re terrible. Stop.

Okay. If you insist
on being so gentle,

I suppose I could
pin a note to him

and leave him in a basket
outside an Irish pub.

You can just put it
in the trunk.

What are you doing?

You�ll want the clothes
back, too, right?

What? Why would I
want your clothes?

For the next guy
you experiment on.

Don�t you mean, "On whom
we decide to experiment"?

Whatever.

Okay, this was
a rough night on all of us,

but you don�t need
to take it out on me.

Go home,
have yourself a beer,

and you�ll feel better
in the morning.

I�ll tell you what.

Why don�t you just drop
me off at a hockey game

with a six-pack
of beer?

Or maybe you could
leave me in a basket

outside an Irish pub.

If I had known that you
were so thin-skinned,

I would have checked earshot.

But, obviously,
you�re intent on extracting

an apology from me,
so I will indulge you.

I�m deeply sorry
if I offended you.

Really?

Don�t patronize me after
what I�ve done for you.

For me?
You came to me

wanting to be
a beverage rep.

I think that you�re more
than qualified

to go back to your beer
and your Bruins. You�re welcome.

Don�t act like you�ve
done me favors, okay?

I was pretty happy before.

I was happy taking care
of my own family,

doing the occasional
good deed downtown.

I showed you that we are all
required to stand up

against inequality,
complacency and injustice.

How awful of me.

But you always said that we

could accomplish
something together.

Right?

And now we have one setback,
and you�re...

and you�re ready
to call it quits.

I would call it
a lot more than a setback.

We lost the election.

And how quickly after that
did you decide to dump me?

I�m not going to hold your hand.

Yes, there are things
that are wrong with this world.

You are a grown-up.

Go out there. Do something.

Make a difference.

Can I help you?

Uh, uh, excuse me.

HANNAH:
Oh, great.

Another stalker
with a camera.

That�s the perfect way
to end this.

(car door opens and closes)

(engine starts)

Any luck?

Wires are shot.

Okay, well,
don�t sweat it.

Have a beer.

Thank you.

You don�t got
to fix the buzzer.

She comes to see you,
I�m sure she can knock

like a normal human being.

I don�t know what
you�re talking about.

No? You�ve been mooning

around here for the
last couple of days.

Mooning?
I haven�t been mooning.

Yeah, you have.

You�re like a lost pup.
Geez, just go talk to her.

Nope, we had a fight.

You had a fight--
what�s that mean?

It means it�s...
it�s done.

It�s over, Bon.

You don�t know that.

She said it.

She said it--
oh, all right.

And, of course, you�ve been
in politics long enough

to know that people

never say things
they don�t mean.

(groans)

Oh, God.

I miss fighting.

That�s crazy.
No, it ain�t.

You know Frank
and I loved each other.

But sometimes I�d get
on his nerves.

Really? That�s hard
to believe, sister.

Or he�d do something so
absolutely knuckleheaded...

God, just... bam--
the gloves would come off.

We�d be going
the rounds, you know.

But no matter how loud
or ticked-off we�d get,

it was always... it was okay.

You know? It was just
shaking the dust off.

It was like it meant
we were both still in it.

We were still
paying attention, yeah.

The day I figured out

I could fight with that man
was the day

I figured I could marry him.

Well, you know,
she�s different, Bon.

She�s got no reason
to be around me.

You know, or us or this place?

You know?

She�s got no reason.

Well, maybe you should stop
hanging out around here.

Go give her a reason.

(laughs softly)

I don�t think
he�d be hard to find.

I didn�t realize that knocking
had gone out of fashion.

Oh, I didn�t realize
it was required,

considering
your door was open.

That�s no excuse
for sneaking up on me.

Well, your definition of
sneaking leaves room for debate.

Am I leaving myself open
for a debate?

Hannah, you�ve been
trying to start an argument

for the better part
of a week now.

But that doesn�t give you
any reason to get

(with Boston accent):
all wicked smart

with me.
Why do you insist
on speaking that way?

You are just
trying to goad me.

Hannah, I know
you are valiantly

trying to defend
the English language,

but it is alive and well.

English has been changing

ever since we first spoke it,

and it will continue to evolve

until we have spoken
the last of it.

But you and I both know

the issue at hand
has nothing to do with slang.

I don�t think that you
have any idea, actually.

I believe I do.

You and I have been partners
for ten years.

I�ve known you
since you were a little girl.

I think I have

a very good idea
of what�s going on.

(keys jingle)

Go.

(doorbell rings)

Hey, stranger.

Why don�t you
come on in?

Just put up
a fresh pot of coffee.

(laughing):
I swear to God.
No.

So, is Elliot...

No, I, uh...

got no idea where that
brother of mine is.

You�re saying he left?

No, no, uh...

I�m saying he took
off this morning

without so much as a
"see you later."

Oh, I see.

I seen your little dustup
outside the hotel.

It was on the Internet.

Yes. That.

It seems everyone has cameras

on his or her cell phone
these days.

Well, you�re probably
really busy,

so I won�t take up more
of your time.

Thank you
for the coffee.

You want I should tell Elliot
you stopped by?

Yes.

I suppose I do.

I�m not really sure why I came.

In fact...
if you must say anything,

tell him things
are going really well

at the office.

The most noticeable
difference

is how much more room there is.

He really did seem
to take up a lot of space.

Yeah.

He�s a big fella, my brother.

And loud, too-- I�m sure
that you�ve noticed.

It�s amazing how much
quieter things are

now that he�s not in the office.

Which is good because so much
had been neglected

due to the campaign.

Things are really,
really busy at work,

which is good
because it�s amazing

how much slower time passes
now that he�s not around.

Perhaps it�s better
if you say nothing at all.

(door opens)

ELLIOT:
Say nothing to whom?

Professor Higgins,
good afternoon.

How are you?

Quite well.

Thank you for asking.

I guess I should...

be getting back to the office.

Well, say hi
to Colleen for me.

I owe her a lot.

Just her?

Well, I think the biggest
difference in me now

isn�t how I speak
or how I act,

but how I expect to be treated.

Before Colleen had
any reason to,

she treated me like a gentleman.

But you, you, uh...

well, you treated me
like an experiment.

Oh, for crying out loud,
I treat everybody that way!

I really should go.

(door opens and closes)

Ow!

There�s more where
that came from.

Go get her.

Go!

Get her--
go, go, go.

Hannah!

I have a proposition.

I�m listening.

You were right, you know?

And I decided
I should do something.

So, I was just downtown
in a meeting

with a political consultant.

There�s a lot that can be done
right here in Boston.

The mayor�s up for reelection.

And a lot of people agree

that he�s vulnerable
to the right candidate.

I get it.

I think you would be
a great candidate.

I�m not.

You have the passion,
you have the ideas.

It�s just your people skills
that are a little lacking.

That�s not an insult;
it�s just a fact.

But it�s a fact
I can help you with.

I don�t know. I...

After that failed
bid for Congress

and those embarrassing
Internet videos...

No, that�s a funny thing about
those-- they�re not liabilities.

The consultant I met with--
excuse me-- with whom I met,

he did some polling.

The words and phrases
that people are using

most often in reference
to you are:

"feisty," "human"

and "someone I�d like
to have a beer with."

Really?
(laughing): Yeah.

Now...

just got to find someone
who can teach you about beer.

Or... bowling.

I�d really like to get
better at bowling.

Lady, today could be
your lucky day.

? I�m gonna tell you a story ?

? I�m gonna tell you
about my town ?

? I�m gonna tell you
a big fat story, baby ?

? Ah, it�s all about my town ?

? Well, I love
that dirty water ?

? Oh, Boston, you�re my home ?

? Ah, you�re
the number one place ?

? Well, I love
that dirty water... ?