Original subtitles

[rock music]

- Four serving three.

- Ohh! - [laughs]

Yeah. - Ohh-ohh! Ohh!

- Okay. Whew.

Ohh!

- Ahhhh-ah!

- Push through! Push through! All you!

Gimme. Give it to me. Back, back, back, back,

back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back.

- Ahh! Yeah, boy! - Yeah!

- Tits for days, pal. Bing, bang, bong.

I just want to crack you in the back of your head

with a hammer fist, man.

Yeah!

- Hey, Luce, you want to play Tennis Balls with us?

- Yeah, we've talked about this.

The stakes aren't really the same for me.

- Huh, okay, suit yourself.

- You guys, I just won free concert tickets

to the Tacoma Dome tonight. Who wants in?

- Who's playing? - Tay Tay McVee.

- "Pasta Party for Two" Tay Tay McVee?

- Yeah. - [gasps]

No, thank you.

- Are you trying to insult our masculinity on purpose?

- What? She's awesome.

- Heh. - Ike, I heard you listen

to her stuff the other day.

- What? - Oh.

- Ohh. - Ahh, you know what that was?

This chick put it in my playlist in my Spotify.

I wasn't going to see the whole concert.

- Okay. - Maybe you guys want

to do that.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Come on.

- So no one is interested?

- Tell you what, Lucy.

You let us know the next time a dude man comes through town.

- Ohh!

- You guys are the worst.

- Oh, you got both balls on that one.

- You've only got on, Cap.

- He's right. Must be my phantom nut.

[laughs]

[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Well I'm hot blooded ♪

♪ Check it and see ♪

♪ I got a fever of 103

♪ I'm hot blooded ♪

[rock music]

- It still blows my mind that I can't find anybody

to go to this concert with me.

I need different friends. - Try somebody with estrogen.

Come on, Ike. Let's go.

- I always do what you guys want to do,

but whenever I suggest something,

you're like, "No, that's a chick flick.

"No that's a chick restaurant."

No, that's a chick supplement."

- Ohh! - Oh!

both: Yeah!

- All right, I'm getting a drink.

[rock music]

both: Whiskey neat.

Jinx.

[laughter]

- Are you a firefighter?

- Yeah, Station 27.

- Station 24. [laughs]

Wait, what's your name?

- Delilah. - I'm Lucy.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- Do you guys know that it's my five-year anniversary

at the station.

- Hey, you know what that means, right?

- What? - Chief owes you

a five-year anniversary meal.

- What's that? - Chief takes people out

for the most expensive meal on their five-year anniversary.

- Wait, really? - You tell him where

you want to go, and he'll pay for it.

- I mean, what would we even talk about?

- Stallone.

He loves to talk about Stallone movies.

- Ahh, he does. - "Judge Dredd"? "Judge Dredd"?

"Judge Dredd"? - Yeah, yeah, exactly.

- Oh, this is awesome.

Um, you guys want another drink?

- Yeah, man. - Yeah, of course.

- Chief never took me out for any, like,

five-year anniversary dinner or anything.

- That's because he's not getting anybody

a five-year anniversary dinner; I made it up.

I just want to see Andy's face when he asks Chief

for a free dinner.

[laughter]

- That's awesome.

Oh-ho-ho-ho.

- Ha-ha.

Come on.

There we go. Nice doing business with ya.

- Whatever.

- Hello.

You ever play doubles?

Wow, Linda Price.

I had no idea you could run a table like that.

- Well, Captain, there's a lot more to me

than legislative policy making.

- Well, have you ever seen this before?

Ooh, careful, it's hot.

- Doesn't even feel warm.

- Oh, okay. Well, have at it.

- [laughs] Okay.

Very nice, Ms. Price.

But have you ever left a bar with more money

than when you entered?

- You mean gamble? - Yeah.

- No, no, no, no. - Yeah.

- I'm not that wild. - Yeah, you are.

Let's expand your horizons.

- Hold on, so Station 27 is all the way

on the other side of town.

What brings you over here?

I have two tickets

so I'm hoping to scalp.

- I have an extra ticket and no one to go with.

I won them this morning on KIPS The Wave.

- Are you Lucky Lucy? - That's me.

- I was totally listening.

You were frickin' hilarious.

- Oh, thank you.

So, um, are we gonna go to this concert or what?

- Yeah, buddy. Let's go.

- Hell yeah.

- You okay?

- It's a little nerve-racking.

There's $50 on the table.

- It's only gonna make it that much sweeter

when you drain this shot.

Go. - [sighs]

Oh! - Ahh!

[laughter]

- That was amazing.

- Thank you.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

I've never done this before.

- Neither have I - Seriously?

- I mean, well, never in this stall, no.

- No, I mean in public.

What if we get caught?

- That's the thrill, councilwoman.

- Ohh.

- Come on. That's not smart. She controls our budget.

- Relax. It was a one-time thing.

- Did you give her your A game? - No.

It was more like my C game.

That's a lot of game.

- Come on.

- What are you drinking?

- Tomato juice. You ever heard of it?

- Nobody drink tomato juice, unless they're on a plane

or they brought too much game last night.

- I didn't give too much game,

and it's not gonna happen again.

[knock at door] - Gentlemen.

- Councilwoman.

- Hey, you.

- What brings you by, councilwoman?

- I want to get your water usage report

for the quarterly budget.

- Well, you didn't have to come down here.

I could have emailed it to you.

- Well, you know, it's good for morale

when the elected officials come to visit the rank and file.

- Well, Captain, why don't you take the councilwoman

and got get the water reports.

- Sure. Yeah, let's do it.

- What are you drinking there?

- Tomato juice.

- Mind if, um...

[slurping]

- Hey, Chief. Oh, sorry.

- No problem.

The Captain and I were about to, uh, get the water report.

- Yeah. - Good luck.

Okay. Ma'am. - Mm-hmm.

- What did he just get off a flight?

- What's up, Andy?

- Oh, you know, just wanted to let you know

that this week marks five years at the station.

- Congratulations. Seems like yesterday.

- It wasn't.

It was five years ago this week.

- You know, it's my five-year anniversary.

- It's a great accomplishment.

- So I was just wondering about that free anniversary dinner.

- The what? - The free dinner

that you take everyone out

when they're celebrating their five-year anniversary.

- Who told you about that? - Granny and Ike.

- All right, you know what? Let's do it.

Let's have dinner together. - Nice. Okay.

- Yeah. - What about Il Lobsterino?

- Bleeder's Steakhouse, 6:00 p.m. Thursday night.

- Ooh, okay, yeah.

- And I'm etching it in my memory,

because I'm writing it in my calendar.

- Awesome. Well, thank you, Chief.

I look forward to dinner.

- See you then.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey. - [laughs]

- Hi. - Boom.

- You're done? - Yeah, I just asked him.

- Oh, yeah, really? - Yeah.

- Hmm, 'cause I didn't hear any screaming.

- Wait, why would I be yelling?

We're going to dinner on Thursday night.

- [laughs] - Ahh, that's good.

- What did he say, honestly, please?

- Bleeder's, Thursday night, me and him.

Thanks for clueing me in, Granny.

[laughs]

- Uh, I keep thinking about our little trist in the bathroom.

- Mm-hmm. - It was thrilling.

- And the stuff in the bedroom was great too.

- Yeah, but doing it in public was incredible.

- I agree.

- Ooh. - What?

- I just-- - What are--

- Are you trying to kiss me on the cheek? What are you--

- Yeah, well, I just thought I was gonna go just...

- Okay.

[both chuckle]

That's nice.

Okay.

Oh.

- Son of a bitch.

- Do you really think that was a good idea?

- Man, why does everyone keep saying that

It was a one-time thing.

- Let me ask you something.

Did you give her your A game?

- No, I gave her my C game.

- Cap, are you kidding me?

That's still a lot of game.

- I know. I know. I can't help it.

- And plus, it would be great

to have another woman on the shift.

If you could just pull some string and get her here,

it would be a total win-win.

- And she wants to be transferred?

- What? Yeah.

She doesn't like it at 27, and I know she's love it here.

Also, she was just saying how much

she respected you as a chief.

- Respected me? From what?

- Well, you might not know this,

but you have a very good reputation.

And people want to work for you.

- Mm. - Please?

It would be really nice to have another woman here.

- Let me think about it. - Yes.

Thank you, Dad.

- I didn't say yes.

- I know, but you won't regret it.

Mwah! - Oh, okay.

Let's keep it profesh up in here, huh?

- [squeals]

- I think I'm gonna regret it.

- Ohh! - Ahh!

- Ohh!

I feel like the devil pissed in my throat.

- It's like a river of lava

just flowing up my esophagus.

- What are you guys doing? - Heartburn war.

- Oh, yeah? Who's winning?

- I would say we're all losing, Cap.

- No, I put the most-- - Augh!

- Hey, everybody. - Hey, Chief.

- Hey, Chief. - Listen up.

We have a new edition to the station.

Joining us all the way from Station 27,

this is Delilah Dunn, Everyone.

- Hey, everybody. - Oh, wow.

- Hi. Hi, hi, hi. - Welcome, welcome.

- Yeah, so treat her well. - Hi.

- What, you guys know each other?

- Yeah, we went to the Tay Tay McVee concert together.

- Chick alert. [laughter]

- Now, listen, Delilah's a big fan of this station,

so we're happy to have her here.

- Yeah, yeah, um, we're just really happy

to have you here, Delilah, right, guys?

- Of course, yeah, we're so excited to play

some Tay Tay McVee nonstop in the station

all day long.

- Oh, yeah, and then we're all gonna do mud masks

and eat acai bowls, right?

- We don't eat that.

- Yeah, we don't eat frozen yogurt.

- Yeah, watch out. Women are secretly trying to

take over your world.

- Nah, I don't think so.

- If our periods sync up, we're gonna be unstoppable.

- Okay, TMI. [chuckles]

All right, have fun, everybody.

Get to know each other.

- Hey, that syncing stuff is an urban myth.

- It actually happens all the time.

And it allows women to bond in ways men can't imagine.

- [scoffs] - Like how?

- ESP. - Yeah, right.

- No way. - You guys just wait and see.

Come one, Delilah, I want to show you around the station.

- Nice meeting you, guys.

- Welcome, though, Delilah, welcome.

- No, seriously. - Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, dudes, that syncing stuff's not true, right?

- [scoffs] - I don't know.

syncing their cycles all the time

and how it affects their synergy.

- I wonder if there's anything we could sync up.

- Like what? - Mm-mm.

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪

all: Piss cycles!

- Synchronize your watches, and go.

- Ahh. - Ohh, man.

- We're drinking 12 ounces of water on the top of every hour,

no going in between.

- Okay. - Got it.

- Ohh.

- Hello, Captain. - Linda.

- I came to get those reports,

but I keep thinking about the bar.

- Hmm, me too.

- I was wondering if we should, uh, do it again.

- Name the time and the place.

- How about now?

- Uh, Linda, you know,

I've done some questionable things at the station at night.

But in the middle of the day, anybody could walk in.

- Isn't that the thrill, Captain?

- [chuckles]

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh. Ohh.

- Where is he? - He's at the Chief's luncheon.

But he could be back at any second.

- [moans]

In the Chief's office.

Can you imagine how many important decisions

are made here?

- No.

- Who has all these pictures of themselves on their desk?

- Yeah, and the best part is, they all have the same

stupid frown smile.

Mm, Terry McConky, mm-mm-mm.

- I need a new truck. - Yeah.

- Do I make myself clear?

- That's an order.

- Brah-brah. - That's an order.

Hold up. Oh. - What?

- There goes June.

[both moaning]

Oh, my God. Right there. Oh, yeah.

[bluesy music]

♪

- Can I, uh, get you another Diet Coke while you wait?

- Uh, sure.

I--I'll take advantage of the free refills.

- Oh, they're not free. - Oh, oh, then I'll just...

- Can I get you started on something or--

- Just maybe some more bread. - More bread?

Okay. Just bread.

I looked like a fool.

- There's no way he meant to stand you up.

He'll definitely reschedule.

- Well, I'm not going through that kind of pain again.

They asked me to leave.

- Who did? - Everybody in the restaurant.

- That sucks.

- Wow, Chief was playing him all along.

That was a harsh prank by Chief, like, harsh.

- See, that's why you don't mess with those

old-school firefighters.

They play hard.

- It's true, man.

Mess with the bull, you get the bananas, buddy.

- Hey, D., do you have any tampons?

Things got started a little early for me this month.

- Whoa, it's happening.

I'm on my period. You synced up to me.

- Wow, that was fast.

- And that makes you the beta. - Huh?

- 'Cause in the wolf pack,

all the betas sync up to the alpha's cycle.

- She's dominant. - [chuckles]

- Well, I don't know about all that.

- Speaking of, you need to bulk up a little bit, little beta.

Do you want to go to the gym after this?

- [laughs] Sure.

- Can you drive, though? I'm a little low on gas.

My commute's, like, 20 miles, but the traffic makes it rough.

- Yeah, I'm happy to drive,

but you should think about moving closer.

- I would, but I just bought a house two weeks ago

by my other station.

I thought I was gonna be there a little longer.

- Ahh. - Ooh, bad timing. Sorry.

- Sucks for me. - Yeah, sure, yeah.

- I'm sorry. - Ooh, I gotta pee.

both: Me too.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho, we did it.

We synced up. - Yeah.

- Great job, guys.

- Magic time.

- Eddie, can I see you in my office?

- What's the magic word? - Now.

- Huh.

- Whew.

- Okay, what's up, Chief?

- You have something you want to tell me?

- Nah, don't think so.

- Maybe something you were doing in my office?

Maybe on my desk?

- Oh... [chuckles]

- Okay, maybe this will job your memory, huh?

Huh? - Uh...

- I found these under my desk.

- I can explain those.

- Oh, you can, can you? - Uh...

- Eddie, I told you 100 times,

don't fold your laundry in my office.

- Oh, yeah, well, it's just that your desk

is the perfect height for folding clothes.

- It's not a folding table, okay?

Now everything's out of place. My pictures are facedown.

Why are my pictures facedown?

- Well, that's because I didn't like you watching me

while I was folding my laundry.

Yeah, by the way,

why are you frowning in all these photos?

- I'm not frowning in these photos.

I'm smiling in my photos.

- No, you're frowning. You're frowning.

This is a smile. Those are frowns.

- That's a smile. - Frown.

- Smile, frown, smile frown.

- Try going like this.

- I don't use my teeth, okay?

This is what it would look like.

- Okay, yeah, that's pretty hideous.

Can you not smile like a real person?

- This is my smile. This is my desk.

I can put whatever damn pictures I want on my desk.

And go fold your laundry somewhere else.

- You got it. - So now, take that with you.

- Okay, okay. Hey.

- Hey, Chief. - What's up, Andy?

- Uh, just wanted to know how your night was last night.

- Kind of boring, watched some "Judge Janie,"

ate some Jell-O, fell asleep.

How was yours? - Pretty terrible.

- Oh, well, better luck tonight.

- I had a date last night that stood me up,

kind of ruined my night.

- Oh, shit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I wrote it down.

I wrote it down on the calendar.

You saw me write it down, right?

- Chief-- - I--where's June?

Where's June? - Chief, if you--

- No, June is not here.

It's July. Lookit.

Someone ripped off June.

- I watched a bunch of Stallone movies.

I watched "Don't, Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot"

And I was like, "Ahh, got to get through this whole thing

just so I can talk about something and"--

- It was a mistake. It was a mistake.

I want to have dinner with you. - You do?

- Let's do it tomorrow night.

- We'll write it down somewhere where everyone can see it.

- I couldn't wait to, like, tell you, like,

"Oh, I'm your Tango," you know?

- Yeah. Oh, "Tango & Cash."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's one of my favorites.

[upbeat funky music]

- ♪ Ahh-ahh ♪

- What are you guys doing?

- You'll be happy to know that now that we've synced

our piss cycles we can now read each other's minds.

- Sure you can.

- [laughs]

- Okay, Andy, so I don't forget,

here we go.

Dinner, Andy...

- Yep.

- Tomorrow.

Won't forget that. - [laughs]

Ehh.

- After the gym tonight, you want to go to a movie?

- Oh, I can't.

I promised my mom I'd go see her.

- Oh, I didn't know your mom was in Tacoma.

- She's in a nursing home on my side of town.

When I was at Station 27,

I could pop in and see her anytime.

Now that I'm over here, it makes it a little harder.

When I get the chance, I don't like to miss it.

- I'm so sor... I'm sorry.

- No, it's okay.

[eerie music]

Now that I'm not there that much, it's a little harder.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, my God. You guys can't really do it.

- Oh, my God, jealous much?

[laughter]

- [groans]

- Heh-heh, Timberlake, Fatone, Bass.

We're 'NSYNC, guys.

[laughter]

- Do you guys realize that you're actually on my cycle?

Like, that makes me the alpha and you guys the betas.

- What?

- You guys follow me.

- I don't even know what I was doing there.

I don't gotta pee at all.

- I just had to get up and compulsively wash my hands.

- I guess you guys really didn't need to pee, huh?

[chuckles]

Well, we could all just leave

the bathroom together, though, right?

- Why? What are you talking about?

- Ahh, I gotta get my beauty sleep anyway, so...

got that big dinner with Chief tomorrow.

- Yeah, we know.

- Bye.

[upbeat rock music]

♪

both: Ohh.

- Oh. - Hi, Eddie.

- Linda, what are you doing here?

- I wanted a thrill.

- Okay.

- I love the danger of getting caught.

- Well, where do you want to do it?

- Right here.

- Linda, this is, like, extremely public.

- I know.

Mmm.

- Are you sure I can't interest you in a mattress?

- Positive.

[both moaning]

[funky music]

♪ ♪

[together] Ohh!

- The hickory axe was a good choice for putting.

- Holy shit, it works.

- I knew it. - [laughs]

I knew it.

- Hey, what's the matter, Chief?

- Delilah was on her way to visit her mother

at the nursing home,

and she got there, and the place was on fire.

- [gasps]

- So she went in to help, and she never came out.

Delilah's dead.

And, Lucy... - Yeah, Dad?

- It should have been you.

[together] It should have been you.

It should have been you. It should have been you.

- [gasps]

[breathing heavily]

- [gasps]

- Delilah, are you okay?

- I just had the worst dream.

You died, and everyone cheered.

Anyways, good night.

I'm gonna try and dream about my mom.

[upbeat rock music]

- Hey, what are you doing up?

Oh, can't sleep, you?

- Oh, I'm just dickin' around.

[eerie music]

- Whoa, what's going on with that hair?

- It's stress, Uncle Eddie.

I messed up bad.

I'm listening.

- I lied to my dad to get him to transfer Delilah here.

- Did she want to be transferred?

- Not at all, but I told him that she did.

- Yeah, I'm stressed out too.

I've been having sex with Linda Price.

- Yeah, no shit. - Well, here's the problem.

She doesn't care about me.

She just want to have sex in public places.

- Isn't that every dude's dream?

- No, I don't want to be somebody's boy toy, you know,

like a piece of thrill meat.

- [sighs] What are we gonna do?

- I have to break up with Linda Price.

And you have to come clean with Delilah.

- No fucking way. - No?

You want to keep not sleeping and having your hair fall out?

- All right, you're right.

I'll tell her tomorrow.

- And I'll break up with Linda Price tomorrow.

- [sighs]

- Good morning. You're up early.

- Oh, yes, sir.

I'm an early riser.

- You know, I've been meaning to ask you

how things have been going. - Oh, it's been great.

- Safe to say you're enjoying your time here

more than at Station 27?

I know you were having some problems over there.

- Problems? - Yeah, that's why you wanted

to be transferred?

- Oh, I did not want to be transferred.

The crew over there is amazing.

And it was right around the corner from my house.

- So you weren't aware of this reputation

of this station or...me?

- No, not really.

I just want to be a good firefighter.

- Okay, well, keep it up.

You're doing a great job.

- There's no question we all agree

that the municipal structure is cost-effective

and the project is on track.

- I need to talk, but I can come back later.

- We just need to get it through

your committee, councilwoman.

- Uh, first what we need to address are safety concerns.

- The safety concerns are definitely an issue.

- What are you doing? - We've been in ongoing

consultation with the city code compliance officer...

- I need to talk to you about something.

- Permitting is under way, and to date

there are no code violations,

but maybe someone else on this call can speak

to the actual safety concerns.

- Hi, folks, Fire Chief Terry McConky here.

- Hi, Chief. - I apologize for joining late.

My calendar got a little muddled.

But I have a 15-point plan to address the safety issues.

- 15 points, great. Take your time.

- Number one, fire-retardant plastics.

- Oh, yeah.

- I know.

I like fire-retardant plastics too.

[chuckles]

Number 14, digital carbon monoxide meters.

Folks... - Thanks.

- We are not in the Stone Age anymore.

[chuckles]

- Hey, what's up?

- Delilah, I wanted to talk to you

about what's been going on here.

- You don't have to apologize. It was Chief's call.

Well, it's kind of my fault.

- No, it's not. It's okay.

I'm happy to be going back to Station 27.

- What?

- Yeah, Chief decided to transfer me back.

I hope you're not mad at me.

- No, no, I would-- I would never be mad.

- Lucy, my office now.

- Did you tell her everything?

- No, I didn't tell her the sinister role that you played

in upending her life for your personal satisfaction.

- Thank, Chief. - Eh, don't thank me yet.

You still need to learn a lesson.

- I feel like I have. - I feel like you haven't.

So I'm transferring you.

- What? You--you can't transfer me.

- Yes, I can. She spent two weeks here.

So you're spending two weeks at Station 34.

At the shit shack?!

No, Dad, please, you cannot send me to that hell hole.

- Yes, I can. I pulled some strings.

So now you're gonna spend two lovely weeks

stationed next to the landfill putting out dump fires.

- Dad. - Have fun, probie.

- Mmm, mmm.

[gargling]

Mmm.

Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum, that's good water.

You guys can have some of this if you want.

Oops, - I'm not thirsty.

- You know, it's totally okay for you guys

to be on my piss cycle.

- I'm not on your piss cycle.

You know why? 'Cause I'm an alpha.

- We're alphas.

- I should probably start getting ready,

because I have dinner with Chief tonight.

- Oh, yeah, you gonna run up that tab or what?

- Yeah, all I've had all day is water.

[laughs]

What about you? What are you gonna do tonight, Cap?

- Okay, I'm gonna come clean.

I've been having sex with Linda Price.

- No shit. - We saw you.

- Here's the thing.

Tonight I'm ending it for real.

I'm taking control, because I'm Eddie Penisi.

- Son of a bitch.

- All right, time to get ready.

- Yeah, all right.

Huh.

I was just talking about you.

- I'm breaking up with you. - What?

- I need more of a thrill than you can give me.

- What--I--I can give you?

- You're too timid.

- Hold on. I'm...

- We'll always have the Chief's desk.

- Holy shit!

[upbeat rock music]

Drink some water.

[bluesy music]

[keypad clicking]

- [laughs] - Yep.

♪

[upbeat music]

- Chief, you are a badass, man.

Man. - Come on.

- What did I do? - Schooled Andy again.

- [laughs]

- He's sitting there going... - Ah, shit!

- What's going on?

both: Oh, my God.

Ahh...

Andy!

- That's a weird way to celebrate.