Original subtitles

ughn,

joined as always by my computerized companion, DB‐8.

And I've assembled some of the greatest minds in geekery

to settle critical disputes, like vampires versus zombies,

and over‐sexed camp councilors versus certain doom.

Tonight, we've got, from American Gods, Orlando Jones.

Archer's Aisha Tyler.

From EastSiders, Brea Grant.

And from Mythbusters, Adam Savage.

I hope you're not afraid of the dark,

because it's time for Syfy Wire's The Great Debate.

(crowd cheering)

Welcome to The Great Debate,

I'm your host, Baron Vaughn,

to my right is my pixelated pal,

our ship's computer DB‐8,

who told me she's impervious

to the delight of a good fright.

DB‐8, have you never really been scared by a movie?

‐ You know, I do sometimes have nightmares

about that scene in Office Space

where they go ham on that printer.

‐ I feel you, I can't see the words, "PC load letter,"

without having a panic attack.

Anywhoozles, let's see if we can scare up some good debate

and give it up for our panel everybody.

(crowd cheering)

Yes, they deserve it.

Our first round is called, So say we all.

I give the topic, each of the four of you

will take a different position

and defend it with all of your might.

You'll argue amongst yourselves

until my e‐buddy DB‐8 and I have heard enough

and we'll name the winner.

(crowd cheering)

The only thing worse than running into a ghost,

is not having any backup when you do.

So, who are you really gonna call

when you're looking to pair up

with some paranormal pros?

It's time for #squadghouls.

‐ [Adam] Oh boy.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Oh wow.

‐ Thanks dad.

‐ Orlando Jones, start us off.

Who do you want backing you up

when you're facing down a phantasm?

‐ Well, the most important quality

when you're doing that is obviously moisture.

You need somebody who can bring

the full‐blown moisture,

and that's Mulder and Scully, it's true.

(crowd cheering)

The sexual chemistry between Mulder and Scully

can kill a ghost, it's moisture,

that's what they give off.

Listen, Mulder was lost in the Bermuda Triangle

on a ghost ship, okay.

He survived, why, moisture fool, moisture.

Plus, these are certified FBI agents,

they have real guns.

They're not the Ghostbusters,

they got, what, a vacuum cleaner?

That's really it, so if we're really talking about

how you're gonna kill a ghost,

what you need, is moisture.

‐ Wow.

(crowd laughing)

That's very very exciting.

Adam Savage, bring it.

‐ All right, I feel a personal front

about the attack on the Ghostbusters.

‐ [Orlando] Oh?

‐ I believe they have two things

that no other ghost hunting troop has,

which is they are the only ones who've actually

tackled and defeated ghosts,

and have done it in a humane way.

They catch them, but they don't kill them.

They have the best scientist in all of movie history,

Egon Spengler, he is my hero.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Thank you for singing the "Star Spengler Banner."

(crowd laughing)

‐ Oh God, wow.

‐ I aint afraid of no jokes.

Brea Grant, scare up another selection please.

‐ Okay, I'm going to go with the kids from Stranger Things.

(crowd cheering)

No training, no formal FBI training,

no ghost training, no scientists.

These kids come out of nowhere,

they just have the help of a girl

who can move things with her mind,

which is important, but honestly

it's just a group based on DnD skills and friendship.

I mean, that is how they solve their problems,

and also they're adorable.

No‐one thinks that a Scully pantsuit is adorable, I'm sorry.

‐ Oh wow, oh wow.

You went there, okay, about to get ugly.

‐ Suit shaming.

‐ That was a little stranger danger right there.

Aisha Tyler, what ghost fighters

are you going to gang up with?

‐ Look guys, Mulder and Scully are moist,

but the hottest ghost fighting duo,

the hottest paranormal team are the Winchester boys.

There are no hotter

supernatural fighters than them.

Not only, do they make me moist but...

(crowd cheering)

‐ Moisture,

got the moisture.

‐ I'll bring the moisture, I'll bring the moisture.

But, they have both died,

not once, not twice, but multiple times.

Sam has died eight times,

Dean Winchester has died 108 times ladies and gentlemen.

And they didn't just go to hell,

they lived there for a while.

"Hey Sam, what are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, just chilling, in hell."

(crowd laughing and cheering)

‐ Wow, that's respect.

‐ Now, I feel like you needed, what, 500 episodes

for them to prove themselves,

and all the Stranger kids needed was one season of Netflix.

‐ But how you gonna send your kids to catch a ghost?

You must not have kids, what are you talking about?

‐ I don't!

‐ Yeah, exactly.

You can't even get kids to close the doggone door

before they leave the house.

Go out and catch some ghosts,

I know you're playing right now.

‐ You gotta break some eggs to make an omelet,

they Ghostbusters are not afraid

to get their hands dirty or slimy.

‐ Wow, okay.

All right, silence you fellas.

‐ Wow, okay.

DB‐8, do you have any opinions on these squad ghouls?

‐ They Ghostbusters are all about

random looking science equipment with blinking lights,

so you know I've got to vote for them.

‐ Okay, the winner of the squad ghouls

because that argument was too hot to handle,

too cold to hold.

I'm gonna have to go with Adam Savage

and the Ghostbusters.

(crowd cheering)

We'll be back in a moment to talk terrifying tykes,

this is The Great Debate.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to The Great Debate,

I'm joined by my fellow horror junkies,

Aisha Tyler, Brea Grant, Orlando Jones, and Adam Savage.

This is the time where we switch over to some

two way argumentation in a round

we like to call Head‐to‐head.

Adam and Brea are going to start us off.

Horror movies had a long run of top notch scares

in the 70's and 80's.

In fact, those two decades might be the all time pinnacle

of the genre, but which was the absolute best?

Adam, Brea, you're facing off

to tell us where you stand on best horror decade.

Adam Savage, let us hear about your golden era of scare‐a.

‐ Okay, the decade I'm going to choose here

is the 70's because the 70's doesn't just have

amazing horror films, every horror film from the 70's

is it's own freaking genre.

So you have "The Exorcist",

you have "Texas Chainsaw Massacre",

you have "Alien".

Every one of those, is responsible for

dozens and dozens of amazing films since then

and for that reason, I say the 70's is like

the embryonic touchstone of fabulous horror genres.

‐ Wow, the embryonic touchstone?

‐ I don't know what that exactly means.

‐ It's also a sexual position.

(crowd cheering and laughing)

‐ [Baron] I'm sorry Adam.

Okay, excellent points.

Brea, that must mean that you are defending

the heyday of slasher horror films, the 80's.

Let us hear about it.

I'm obviously defending the 80's.

I'm just gonna name a few names for you,

Freddy,

Jason,

Ash,

Michael Myers, the not funny one,

but sometimes in the later movies he was a little bit funny,

I don't know.

(everyone laughing)

I'd actually argue that it improved upon horror

in a way that made it more universal

and added a very

much element to horror, which is comedy.

This is a very serious argument, okay.

I'm very serious about this.

‐ Speak your truth girl, speak your truth.

‐ Listen, when you make a horror movie,

everyone needs that collective (sighs).

You need that moment, you need that laugh,

and the 70's movies just didn't have it,

and the 80's movies did and that makes them better movies

and we're still using the tropes from the 80's right.

We're still worried about don't go be slutty,

don't move away from your friends during‐‐

‐ Wait, I'm sorry, is don't go be slutty rule?

'Cause I have not.

‐ I'm not familiar with that rule.

‐ I have really been doing it wrong.

(crowd cheering)

‐ [Baron] Wow, okay, I want to hear from Aisha and Orlando.

‐ I always like a nice robust belly laugh

right before a guy with razor blades attached to his fingers

guts me from the belly button to my neck, so.

(laugh turning into a cry)

Go Freddy!

Yeah, that's just like a nice Saturday night,

when I'm out being slutty, you know how it is.

‐ Orlando? ‐ Well, if you think

I'm gonna go against sluttiness

you're sadly mistaken.

Somebody's got to stand up for sluttiness on this panel.

‐ I submit to you that there are a few things

in horror movies funnier than Leatherface

and that frying pan, whack!

‐ I'm going to submit to you that the better alien movie

is actually the second one‐‐

(everyone exclaiming drowns out Brea)

‐ Oh that, fighting words!

(Brea and Adam yelling over each other)

‐ All right, I'm gonna have to bang

my invisible gavel on this.

And for me, there's no way that I can hate‐e on the 80's.

(crowd cheering)

Orlando and Aisha.

One thing every horror movie era had

was a heaping portion of spooky little kids.

Orlando and Aisha, tell us which of cinema's scary children

would be the worst to baby sit, okay.

The twins creeping around the Overlook Hotel,

or Regan MacNeil levitating and speaking in tongues?

It's time for Terrifying Tykes,

Exorcist versus Shining.

Orlando, would you please start us off?

‐ All right, look, Regan told a priest

to shove it up his ass, I mean

that's how she started, she's projectile vomiting

split pea soup all over the place.

who the hell gives somebody

who's possessed split pea soup, let's just move on,

I don't wanna get into the details of that.

Her head is flipping around on her body.

She's levitating off the bed, possessed by

what was clearly a horny demon, okay.

‐ Wow, okay.

Aisha, it's your turn.

‐ Well, I respect your argument Orlando,

but if anybody here has kids,

you know that Regan was just having a normal

mid school kid fit,

'cause she couldn't find her phone.

Or she didn't get enough likes on Facebook.

The twins from "The Shining" are the most terrifying kids

in any horror movie ever, 'cause twins are just

upsetting normally, 'cause you can't tell them apart,

you give the one with the nut allergy

a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,

and now you're in jail.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Scary jail.

‐ We have a lot of legal consequences,

it seems like this is a problem here.

‐ [Aisha] It's a litigious world.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Look, I think that the twins

are leading you to a bad place,

but Regan is the bad place.

‐ You're right.

‐ I'm gonna have to take it back.

Is all work and no play, but nowhere near dull,

I'm gonna have to go with Aisha Tyler

and the twins from "The Shining".

Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back

to find out what happens when people stop being polite

to aliens, start getting real.

(cheering crowd drowns out DB‐8)

This is The Great Debate.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to The Great Debate.

Our table has be zapped into the twilight zone

and our panelists are gonna get on their feet

for our take a stand round.

First up, Adam and Aisha.

Two of you are gonna sidle up next to this here screen

to present your cases in response to a question

that's been on my mind ever since

I first saw a sci‐fi movie.

Who are the real monsters, aliens or humans?

This debate is called We don't come in peace.

Adam and Aisha, take your positions, would you please?

Okay, so who is worse to each other in movies,

humans

or aliens?

‐ All right, "Independence Day",

this is the perfect description of why aliens

are so much more scary than humans.

Think about through human history,

as humans with technology arrived in places,

that humans who did not have technology,

how did those without technology fare?

Not great.

Aliens, who show up on Earth

with advanced technology are not here to make friends

or to talk about space.

They're here to take our precious natural resources,

including our bodily fluids.

"Independence Day" is exactly this description.

Ah, "E. T."

‐ I mean look at him, he's just like a

cute little bobble head doll.

He comes here, he just wants to hang out,

maybe eat some Reese's Pieces, right,

watch some television,

and then immediately we hook him up to wires

and we jab him with stuff.

Can't we just leave anything alone humans?

(crowd cheering)

‐ Okay, this is an outlier in science fiction movies

'cause E. T is cute, but let me just point out that

groups of people are different than the individuals

that make up those groups,

and I think it's pretty clear that E. T is not like

the leader of his people.

(crowd laughing)

"Space Jam"!

Bugs and Michael Jordan, they're just chilling out,

maxing, relaxing, all cool, shooting some B‐ball,

outside of the school, when a couple of aliens

who were up to no good, started making trouble

in their neighborhood.

(crowd cheering)

‐ It's just always super cute when the science guy raps.

(everyone laughing)

I can't beat that, I really can't beat that.

All I'm saying is, these nice aliens

are hanging out, and then humans come

and the humans are this big,

and still manage to completely destroy the aliens,

not only beat them at basketball,

a game that they're just learning,

come on, look at him, he's confused by everything.

But they humiliate them in front of

the entire galaxy, we're just cruel human beings.

‐ Okay, so to recap, the amount of resources

in the known universe is finite

and the ability for life to propagate is infinite,

which means that if we meet aliens,

they are going to want to eat us

and all the stuff we have, aliens are worse than humans.

‐ Listen, mister science guy,

all I know is, people are awful,

they man‐spread on the bus,

they steal things from you,

they don't text you back even though

you've be texting them hundreds and hundreds of times.

Human beings are awful, they punch aliens in the face,

and we suck.

(everyone laughing)

‐ All right, okay.

‐ Yeah!

‐ Because he is the freshest prince right now,

I'm gonna have to give this round to Adam Savage.

(upbeat music)

Now's the time in the show when we whisk Brea and Orlando

away to some fanciful lands through the magic of chroma key.

It's time for It's not easy being greenscreened.

Orlando, we'll start with you.

Now, any fan of the "Friday the 13th" movie series knows

Camp Crystal Lake is a, well let's say less than safe place

to live for, well just about anybody really.

Orlando, we're sending you there right now

to act as a councilor, giving an orientation speech

on the first day of camp.

Please,

orient away.

(quick whistle blows)

‐ All right, campers.

I can't stress enough

that if you get beheaded,

please try to stay standing for a moment before you fall.

I can't tell you how disappointing it is

when you take the time to and energy to decapitate someone

and they fall, plop, right away, okay.

It's not how it's done in "Game of Thrones"

which has the best titties to beheadings ratio

in all of television.

You stand for a while and then you fall,

that's how it's down, okay.

(quick whistle blows)

All right, now listen up.

Virgins

who are going to get killed,

we need you in cabin five, that's cabin five.

If you're gonna rise from the lake,

one last time for a kill,

please cover yourself in seaweed.

The west basin

of the lake is nice,

the east basin, is full of pee, not hygienic.

West,

not east, okay guys.

Remember, kill with care,

and just make sure you have the best summer ever,

okay, all right.

(quick whistle blows)

Camp dismissed.

(crowd cheering)

‐ That was a great greenscreening.

Great show, okay.

Brea, it is turn, will you head up into the arena please.

Brea, I wanna see you as an HR worker

giving some job reviews to horror icons.

Let's see, how this not so human resources interview goes.

Take it away Brea.

‐ Hey guys, I'm Natalie from HR,

and we've received a few complaints,

I'm just gonna go over really quick.

All right, first up, Bob Werewolf,

we've a real strict policy about workplace wardrobe,

so no more ripped jeans, and please try not to

burst out of your shirt, okay.

So, thank you for coming in and no biting on your way out.

Up next, we have our soul mummy employee, Mr. Imhotep,

hi,

We all like accessories on our desk.

I have a bunch of Disney ones, they're super cute.

But we need to address all of the urns

that you've been keeping, okay.

We have a limit here at the office,

and that limit is zero, and you have 17.

And lastly, we don't appreciate

the mass emails for pyramid schemes, okay.

Oh, there's some toilet paper on your shoes.

Oh, sorry, that's just what you're wearing, okay.

Thank you.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Let's hear it for Brea Grant.

DB‐8, do you have any thoughts on what you heard?

I didn't know that there was a place

where you could send teenagers,

where they just wouldn't come back.

I wanna hear more about that.

(crowd laughing)

‐ And on that note, Orlando Jones wins

as the camp councilor.

(everyone cheering)

‐ Yeah!

‐ When we come back, we'll reveal which of our panelists

will go on to face off in our championship round.

Right after this.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to The Great Debate.

It's time for our championship round

and I am very pleased to reveal that the two debaters

who will be facing off in our final round tonight

are Aisha and Adam everybody.

(crowd cheering)

The two of you will be tackling

the most hotly contested topic

in the history of the horror genre.

I want to know which undead menace

is the most monstrous monster,

vampires or zombies?

Adam, the floor is yours.

‐ The age old debate, vampires versus zombies.

They both bite people to bring them into their club.

But there the similarities end completely

because when you wanna look at which one is the best,

the most monstrous, you gotta look for the one

that's the most culturally impactful.

Is there a Muppet flesh eating zombie?

No!

Is there a flesh eating zombie cereal?

No, but we have the Count on the Muppets

and we have Count Chocula in cereal.

Yes.

They are a sexy monster, we can project

all sorts of things into them, but lastly,

I think vampires is the projection of our desire

to know what happens in the world we are invested in,

and zombies are simply a projection

of our desire to shoot our neighbors.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Thank you Adam.

(crowd cheering)

Aisha, take it away.

‐ Very eerie, well put.

I will pause it right off the bat,

that there is a zombie Muppet

and it is Snuffleupagus.

"Hey Bert." (everyone laughing)

"Hey Bert."

Obviously, plodding along,

will trample tiny puppets in his wake.

But it's obvious that zombies

are the most terrifying monster ever created,

and this is why.

A vampire bites you once,

a zombie gonna eat your whole ass up.

You can stake a zombie all over, in his eye,

he will still try to claw at you with his two fingers.

The fingers can be not attached, for example,

this is the hand of zombie, still trying to kill me.

Still trying to kill me, it has no teeth,

but it is still trying to take my life.

Here's the other thing, zombies are never sexy.

I've never wanted to have sex with a zombie.

I have by accident had sex with a zombie,

but not on purpose.

I mean, please try a little harder buddy,

but your back into it.

Here's what I'm saying,

zombies are a statement about late century

on we, and the decay of the American cultural system,

capitalism run rampant and eventually we will all be zombies

staring at our phones, looking at our likes

and just praying that somebody

will look at our stupid Instagram photo

of our bowl of cereal that we ate this morning,

which is not Count Chocula,

because that's really bad for you,

it has a lot of sugar in it.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Adam, your rebuttal.

‐ All right, one I want to point out

that vampires are way scarier than zombies

because they can also turn into other things.

They can turn into bats, and sometimes dogs.

Both of which are much harder to outrun than a human.

And speaking of outrunning,

that's the only thing you need to do against a zombie.

Is move a little faster.

Take that!

(crowd cheering)

‐ Well, what I will say to you dear friend,

is that a zombie would eat that vampire,

chem him up into tiny bits, spit 'him out

and turn him into a pile of quivering flesh.

‐ Okay, all right, fantastic.

Adam and Aisha, you both pleaded your cases very well,

but as far as I'm concerned, the person

who best settled this oh so unsettling topic is

Adam Savage.

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music)

Anyone can be undead,

but only a champion can be immortal.

Adam Savage, you are the winner of tonight's great debate.

Excellent work, come on over everybody.

(crowd cheering)

This has been The Great Debate,

check us out online for bonus footage at the front

with our outstanding panelists.

We'll be back soon to get to the bottom

of more nerdy conundrums with our hilarious friends.

Thank you, and good night.

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music)