All language subtitles for Syfy wires the great debate - 1x06_track3_eng

ughn,

joined as always by my
computerized companion, DB‐8.

And I've assembled some of
the greatest minds in geekery

to settle critical disputes,
like vampires versus zombies,

and over‐sexed camp councilors
versus certain doom.

Tonight, we've got, from
American Gods, Orlando Jones.

Archer's Aisha Tyler.

From EastSiders, Brea Grant.

And from Mythbusters,
Adam Savage.

I hope you're not
afraid of the dark,

because it's time for Syfy
Wire's The Great Debate.

(crowd cheering)

Welcome to The Great Debate,

I'm your host, Baron Vaughn,

to my right is my pixelated pal,

our ship's computer DB‐8,

who told me she's impervious

to the delight of a good fright.

DB‐8, have you never really
been scared by a movie?

‐ You know, I do
sometimes have nightmares

about that scene in Office Space

where they go ham
on that printer.

‐ I feel you, I can't see
the words, "PC load letter,"

without having a panic attack.

Anywhoozles, let's see if we
can scare up some good debate

and give it up for
our panel everybody.

(crowd cheering)

Yes, they deserve it.

Our first round is
called, So say we all.

I give the topic, each
of the four of you

will take a different position

and defend it with
all of your might.

You'll argue amongst yourselves

until my e‐buddy DB‐8
and I have heard enough

and we'll name the winner.

(crowd cheering)

The only thing worse than
running into a ghost,

is not having any
backup when you do.

So, who are you
really gonna call

when you're looking to pair up

with some paranormal pros?

It's time for #squadghouls.

‐ [Adam] Oh boy.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Oh wow.

‐ Thanks dad.

‐ Orlando Jones, start us off.

Who do you want backing you up

when you're facing
down a phantasm?

‐ Well, the most
important quality

when you're doing that
is obviously moisture.

You need somebody who can bring

the full‐blown moisture,

and that's Mulder and
Scully, it's true.

(crowd cheering)

The sexual chemistry
between Mulder and Scully

can kill a ghost, it's moisture,

that's what they give off.

Listen, Mulder was lost
in the Bermuda Triangle

on a ghost ship, okay.

He survived, why,
moisture fool, moisture.

Plus, these are
certified FBI agents,

they have real guns.

They're not the Ghostbusters,

they got, what,
a vacuum cleaner?

That's really it, so if
we're really talking about

how you're gonna kill a ghost,

what you need, is moisture.

‐ Wow.

(crowd laughing)

That's very very exciting.

Adam Savage, bring it.

‐ All right, I feel
a personal front

about the attack on
the Ghostbusters.

‐ [Orlando] Oh?

‐ I believe they have two things

that no other ghost
hunting troop has,

which is they are the
only ones who've actually

tackled and defeated ghosts,

and have done it
in a humane way.

They catch them, but
they don't kill them.

They have the best scientist
in all of movie history,

Egon Spengler, he is my hero.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Thank you for singing
the "Star Spengler Banner."

(crowd laughing)

‐ Oh God, wow.

‐ I aint afraid of no jokes.

Brea Grant, scare up
another selection please.

‐ Okay, I'm going to go with
the kids from Stranger Things.

(crowd cheering)

No training, no
formal FBI training,

no ghost training,
no scientists.

These kids come out of nowhere,

they just have
the help of a girl

who can move things
with her mind,

which is important, but honestly

it's just a group based on
DnD skills and friendship.

I mean, that is how they
solve their problems,

and also they're adorable.

No‐one thinks that a Scully
pantsuit is adorable, I'm sorry.

‐ Oh wow, oh wow.

You went there, okay,
about to get ugly.

‐ Suit shaming.

‐ That was a little
stranger danger right there.

Aisha Tyler, what ghost fighters

are you going to gang up with?

‐ Look guys, Mulder
and Scully are moist,

but the hottest
ghost fighting duo,

the hottest paranormal team
are the Winchester boys.

There are no hotter

supernatural fighters than them.

Not only, do they
make me moist but...

(crowd cheering)

‐ Moisture,

got the moisture.

‐ I'll bring the moisture,
I'll bring the moisture.

But, they have both died,

not once, not twice,
but multiple times.

Sam has died eight times,

Dean Winchester has died 108
times ladies and gentlemen.

And they didn't just go to hell,

they lived there for a while.

"Hey Sam, what are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, just
chilling, in hell."

(crowd laughing and cheering)

‐ Wow, that's respect.

‐ Now, I feel like you
needed, what, 500 episodes

for them to prove themselves,

and all the Stranger kids needed
was one season of Netflix.

‐ But how you gonna send
your kids to catch a ghost?

You must not have kids,
what are you talking about?

‐ I don't!

‐ Yeah, exactly.

You can't even get kids
to close the doggone door

before they leave the house.

Go out and catch some ghosts,

I know you're playing right now.

‐ You gotta break some
eggs to make an omelet,

they Ghostbusters are not afraid

to get their hands
dirty or slimy.

‐ Wow, okay.

All right, silence you fellas.

‐ Wow, okay.

DB‐8, do you have any opinions
on these squad ghouls?

‐ They Ghostbusters
are all about

random looking science
equipment with blinking lights,

so you know I've got
to vote for them.

‐ Okay, the winner
of the squad ghouls

because that argument
was too hot to handle,

too cold to hold.

I'm gonna have to
go with Adam Savage

and the Ghostbusters.

(crowd cheering)

We'll be back in a moment
to talk terrifying tykes,

this is The Great Debate.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to
The Great Debate,

I'm joined by my
fellow horror junkies,

Aisha Tyler, Brea Grant,
Orlando Jones, and Adam Savage.

This is the time where
we switch over to some

two way argumentation in a round

we like to call Head‐to‐head.

Adam and Brea are
going to start us off.

Horror movies had a long
run of top notch scares

in the 70's and 80's.

In fact, those two decades
might be the all time pinnacle

of the genre, but which
was the absolute best?

Adam, Brea, you're facing off

to tell us where you stand
on best horror decade.

Adam Savage, let us hear about
your golden era of scare‐a.

‐ Okay, the decade I'm
going to choose here

is the 70's because the
70's doesn't just have

amazing horror films, every
horror film from the 70's

is it's own freaking genre.

So you have "The Exorcist",

you have "Texas
Chainsaw Massacre",

you have "Alien".

Every one of those,
is responsible for

dozens and dozens of
amazing films since then

and for that reason,
I say the 70's is like

the embryonic touchstone
of fabulous horror genres.

‐ Wow, the embryonic touchstone?

‐ I don't know what
that exactly means.

‐ It's also a sexual position.

(crowd cheering and laughing)

‐ [Baron] I'm sorry Adam.

Okay, excellent points.

Brea, that must mean
that you are defending

the heyday of slasher
horror films, the 80's.

Let us hear about it.

I'm obviously
defending the 80's.

I'm just gonna name
a few names for you,

Freddy,

Jason,

Ash,

Michael Myers,
the not funny one,

but sometimes in the
later movies he was
a little bit funny,

I don't know.

(everyone laughing)

I'd actually argue that
it improved upon horror

in a way that made
it more universal

and added a very

much element to horror,
which is comedy.

This is a very serious
argument, okay.

I'm very serious about this.

‐ Speak your truth
girl, speak your truth.

‐ Listen, when you
make a horror movie,

everyone needs that
collective (sighs).

You need that moment,
you need that laugh,

and the 70's movies
just didn't have it,

and the 80's movies did and
that makes them better movies

and we're still using the
tropes from the 80's right.

We're still worried
about don't go be slutty,

don't move away from
your friends during‐‐

‐ Wait, I'm sorry, is
don't go be slutty rule?

'Cause I have not.

‐ I'm not familiar
with that rule.

‐ I have really
been doing it wrong.

(crowd cheering)

‐ [Baron] Wow, okay, I want to
hear from Aisha and Orlando.

‐ I always like a nice
robust belly laugh

right before a guy with razor
blades attached to his fingers

guts me from the belly
button to my neck, so.

(laugh turning into a cry)

Go Freddy!

Yeah, that's just like
a nice Saturday night,

when I'm out being slutty,
you know how it is.

‐ Orlando?
‐ Well, if you think

I'm gonna go against sluttiness

you're sadly mistaken.

Somebody's got to stand up
for sluttiness on this panel.

‐ I submit to you that
there are a few things

in horror movies
funnier than Leatherface

and that frying pan, whack!

‐ I'm going to submit to you
that the better alien movie

is actually the second one‐‐

(everyone exclaiming
drowns out Brea)

‐ Oh that, fighting words!

(Brea and Adam yelling
over each other)

‐ All right, I'm
gonna have to bang

my invisible gavel on this.

And for me, there's no way
that I can hate‐e on the 80's.

(crowd cheering)

Orlando and Aisha.

One thing every
horror movie era had

was a heaping portion
of spooky little kids.

Orlando and Aisha, tell us
which of cinema's scary children

would be the worst
to baby sit, okay.

The twins creeping around
the Overlook Hotel,

or Regan MacNeil levitating
and speaking in tongues?

It's time for Terrifying Tykes,

Exorcist versus Shining.

Orlando, would you
please start us off?

‐ All right, look,
Regan told a priest

to shove it up his ass, I mean

that's how she started,
she's projectile vomiting

split pea soup all
over the place.

who the hell gives somebody

who's possessed split pea
soup, let's just move on,

I don't wanna get into
the details of that.

Her head is flipping
around on her body.

She's levitating off
the bed, possessed by

what was clearly a
horny demon, okay.

‐ Wow, okay.

Aisha, it's your turn.

‐ Well, I respect
your argument Orlando,

but if anybody here has kids,

you know that Regan was
just having a normal

mid school kid fit,

'cause she couldn't
find her phone.

Or she didn't get enough
likes on Facebook.

The twins from "The Shining"
are the most terrifying kids

in any horror movie ever,
'cause twins are just

upsetting normally, 'cause
you can't tell them apart,

you give the one
with the nut allergy

a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich,

and now you're in jail.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Scary jail.

‐ We have a lot of
legal consequences,

it seems like this
is a problem here.

‐ [Aisha] It's a
litigious world.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Look, I think that the twins

are leading you to a bad place,

but Regan is the bad place.

‐ You're right.

‐ I'm gonna have
to take it back.

Is all work and no play,
but nowhere near dull,

I'm gonna have to
go with Aisha Tyler

and the twins from
"The Shining".

Don't go anywhere,
we'll be right back

to find out what happens
when people stop being polite

to aliens, start getting real.

(cheering crowd drowns out DB‐8)

This is The Great Debate.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to
The Great Debate.

Our table has be zapped
into the twilight zone

and our panelists are
gonna get on their feet

for our take a stand round.

First up, Adam and Aisha.

Two of you are gonna sidle
up next to this here screen

to present your cases in
response to a question

that's been on my
mind ever since

I first saw a sci‐fi movie.

Who are the real monsters,
aliens or humans?

This debate is called
We don't come in peace.

Adam and Aisha, take your
positions, would you please?

Okay, so who is worse
to each other in movies,

humans

or aliens?

‐ All right, "Independence Day",

this is the perfect
description of why aliens

are so much more
scary than humans.

Think about through
human history,

as humans with technology
arrived in places,

that humans who did
not have technology,

how did those without
technology fare?

Not great.

Aliens, who show up on Earth

with advanced technology
are not here to make friends

or to talk about space.

They're here to take our
precious natural resources,

including our bodily fluids.

"Independence Day" is
exactly this description.

Ah, "E. T."

‐ I mean look at
him, he's just like a

cute little bobble head doll.

He comes here, he just
wants to hang out,

maybe eat some
Reese's Pieces, right,

watch some television,

and then immediately
we hook him up to wires

and we jab him with stuff.

Can't we just leave
anything alone humans?

(crowd cheering)

‐ Okay, this is an outlier
in science fiction movies

'cause E. T is cute, but
let me just point out that

groups of people are
different than the individuals

that make up those groups,

and I think it's pretty
clear that E. T is not like

the leader of his people.

(crowd laughing)

"Space Jam"!

Bugs and Michael Jordan,
they're just chilling out,

maxing, relaxing, all
cool, shooting some B‐ball,

outside of the school,
when a couple of aliens

who were up to no good,
started making trouble

in their neighborhood.

(crowd cheering)

‐ It's just always super cute
when the science guy raps.

(everyone laughing)

I can't beat that, I
really can't beat that.

All I'm saying is,
these nice aliens

are hanging out,
and then humans come

and the humans are this big,

and still manage to
completely destroy the aliens,

not only beat them
at basketball,

a game that they're
just learning,

come on, look at him, he's
confused by everything.

But they humiliate
them in front of

the entire galaxy, we're
just cruel human beings.

‐ Okay, so to recap,
the amount of resources

in the known universe is finite

and the ability for life
to propagate is infinite,

which means that
if we meet aliens,

they are going to want to eat us

and all the stuff we have,
aliens are worse than humans.

‐ Listen, mister science guy,

all I know is, people are awful,

they man‐spread on the bus,

they steal things from you,

they don't text you
back even though

you've be texting them
hundreds and hundreds of times.

Human beings are awful, they
punch aliens in the face,

and we suck.

(everyone laughing)

‐ All right, okay.

‐ Yeah!

‐ Because he is the
freshest prince right now,

I'm gonna have to give
this round to Adam Savage.

(upbeat music)

Now's the time in the show
when we whisk Brea and Orlando

away to some fanciful lands
through the magic of chroma key.

It's time for It's not
easy being greenscreened.

Orlando, we'll start with you.

Now, any fan of the "Friday
the 13th" movie series knows

Camp Crystal Lake is a, well
let's say less than safe place

to live for, well just
about anybody really.

Orlando, we're sending
you there right now

to act as a councilor,
giving an orientation speech

on the first day of camp.

Please,

orient away.

(quick whistle blows)

‐ All right, campers.

I can't stress enough

that if you get beheaded,

please try to stay standing
for a moment before you fall.

I can't tell you how
disappointing it is

when you take the time to and
energy to decapitate someone

and they fall, plop,
right away, okay.

It's not how it's done
in "Game of Thrones"

which has the best titties
to beheadings ratio

in all of television.

You stand for a while
and then you fall,

that's how it's down, okay.

(quick whistle blows)

All right, now listen up.

Virgins

who are going to get killed,

we need you in cabin
five, that's cabin five.

If you're gonna
rise from the lake,

one last time for a kill,

please cover
yourself in seaweed.

The west basin

of the lake is nice,

the east basin, is full
of pee, not hygienic.

West,

not east, okay guys.

Remember, kill with care,

and just make sure you
have the best summer ever,

okay, all right.

(quick whistle blows)

Camp dismissed.

(crowd cheering)

‐ That was a great
greenscreening.

Great show, okay.

Brea, it is turn, will you
head up into the arena please.

Brea, I wanna see
you as an HR worker

giving some job reviews
to horror icons.

Let's see, how this not so
human resources interview goes.

Take it away Brea.

‐ Hey guys, I'm Natalie from HR,

and we've received
a few complaints,

I'm just gonna go
over really quick.

All right, first
up, Bob Werewolf,

we've a real strict policy
about workplace wardrobe,

so no more ripped jeans,
and please try not to

burst out of your shirt, okay.

So, thank you for coming in
and no biting on your way out.

Up next, we have our soul
mummy employee, Mr. Imhotep,

hi,

We all like accessories
on our desk.

I have a bunch of Disney
ones, they're super cute.

But we need to address
all of the urns

that you've been keeping, okay.

We have a limit
here at the office,

and that limit is
zero, and you have 17.

And lastly, we don't appreciate

the mass emails for
pyramid schemes, okay.

Oh, there's some toilet
paper on your shoes.

Oh, sorry, that's just
what you're wearing, okay.

Thank you.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Let's hear it for Brea Grant.

DB‐8, do you have any
thoughts on what you heard?

I didn't know that
there was a place

where you could send teenagers,

where they just
wouldn't come back.

I wanna hear more about that.

(crowd laughing)

‐ And on that note,
Orlando Jones wins

as the camp councilor.

(everyone cheering)

‐ Yeah!

‐ When we come back, we'll
reveal which of our panelists

will go on to face off in
our championship round.

Right after this.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to
The Great Debate.

It's time for our
championship round

and I am very pleased to
reveal that the two debaters

who will be facing off in
our final round tonight

are Aisha and Adam everybody.

(crowd cheering)

The two of you will be tackling

the most hotly contested topic

in the history of
the horror genre.

I want to know
which undead menace

is the most monstrous monster,

vampires or zombies?

Adam, the floor is yours.

‐ The age old debate,
vampires versus zombies.

They both bite people to
bring them into their club.

But there the similarities
end completely

because when you wanna look
at which one is the best,

the most monstrous, you
gotta look for the one

that's the most
culturally impactful.

Is there a Muppet
flesh eating zombie?

No!

Is there a flesh
eating zombie cereal?

No, but we have the
Count on the Muppets

and we have Count
Chocula in cereal.

Yes.

They are a sexy
monster, we can project

all sorts of things
into them, but lastly,

I think vampires is the
projection of our desire

to know what happens in the
world we are invested in,

and zombies are
simply a projection

of our desire to
shoot our neighbors.

(crowd laughing)

‐ Thank you Adam.

(crowd cheering)

Aisha, take it away.

‐ Very eerie, well put.

I will pause it
right off the bat,

that there is a zombie Muppet

and it is Snuffleupagus.

"Hey Bert."
(everyone laughing)

"Hey Bert."

Obviously, plodding along,

will trample tiny
puppets in his wake.

But it's obvious that zombies

are the most terrifying
monster ever created,

and this is why.

A vampire bites you once,

a zombie gonna eat
your whole ass up.

You can stake a zombie
all over, in his eye,

he will still try to claw
at you with his two fingers.

The fingers can be not
attached, for example,

this is the hand of zombie,
still trying to kill me.

Still trying to kill
me, it has no teeth,

but it is still trying
to take my life.

Here's the other thing,
zombies are never sexy.

I've never wanted to
have sex with a zombie.

I have by accident
had sex with a zombie,

but not on purpose.

I mean, please try a
little harder buddy,

but your back into it.

Here's what I'm saying,

zombies are a statement
about late century

on we, and the decay of the
American cultural system,

capitalism run rampant
and eventually we
will all be zombies

staring at our phones,
looking at our likes

and just praying that somebody

will look at our
stupid Instagram photo

of our bowl of cereal
that we ate this morning,

which is not Count Chocula,

because that's
really bad for you,

it has a lot of sugar in it.

(crowd cheering)

‐ Adam, your rebuttal.

‐ All right, one I
want to point out

that vampires are way
scarier than zombies

because they can also
turn into other things.

They can turn into bats,
and sometimes dogs.

Both of which are much harder
to outrun than a human.

And speaking of outrunning,

that's the only thing you
need to do against a zombie.

Is move a little faster.

Take that!

(crowd cheering)

‐ Well, what I will
say to you dear friend,

is that a zombie would
eat that vampire,

chem him up into tiny
bits, spit 'him out

and turn him into a
pile of quivering flesh.

‐ Okay, all right, fantastic.

Adam and Aisha, you both
pleaded your cases very well,

but as far as I'm
concerned, the person

who best settled this oh
so unsettling topic is

Adam Savage.

(crowd cheering)
(upbeat music)

Anyone can be undead,

but only a champion
can be immortal.

Adam Savage, you are the winner
of tonight's great debate.

Excellent work, come
on over everybody.

(crowd cheering)

This has been The Great Debate,

check us out online for
bonus footage at the front

with our outstanding panelists.

We'll be back soon
to get to the bottom

of more nerdy conundrums
with our hilarious friends.

Thank you, and good night.

(crowd cheering)
(upbeat music)