Original subtitles

Yoo-hoo.

This is going to be an art theft?

It�s not the frame�s fault.

Are you a member

of the art frame defense league?

Man: Morning.

What happened?

The owner gave me this. He couldn�t stick around.

Is that so?

What, did he have a squash appointment?

"I need a drink someplace

where I don�t have to look at all these empty frames."

Give me a break.

I definitely understand why they didn�t take this one.

This asshole tell you when he was

going to get around to talking to US?

The girl said she�d bring him in.

I am starting to take a burn at you.

Over what?

Over you dispense information

in drips and drabs like a leaky faucet.

The girl�s name�s Nikki Cameron.

The owner�s name�s Noel beller.

And Nikki Cameron is to Noel beller what?

She stood here consoling him.

I was first on the scene. I didn�t do an interview.

This beat-up door --

enlighten me why it�s smashed up on both sides.

You know, the outside�s smashed up.

That�s the perpetrators forcing entry.

Beating up the inside, maybe you already had access,

and you�re screwing up a try at a misdirect.

Maybe you�re a novice or a bonehead or amateur thief.

How many belts did it look like

it was going to take this guy to even out?

I wouldn�t see him on a bender.

Anybody else returns here, try and persuade them to stay.

May I help you?

My wife is missing.

Detective medavoy can see you.

Yeah.

It�s about a missing person.

Yvette Gunther -- my wife --

she didn�t come home yesterday.

Well, let�s, go in here

where we can all sit down.

I-I didn�t catch your name.

I�m Dwight Gunther.

This way.

That�s my partner detective Jones.

My wife had a ticket to fly to St. augustine

yesterday afternoon, non-refundable.

She was packed and went out to run some errands.

I went to work,

and I left a message for her to call me

before she left for the airport,

but she never called. I came home last night.

Her luggage and the ticket were still there.

There wasn�t any sign she�d ever come back.

Yeah, she�s 53, 5�2".

Here�s a picture and a description.

I ran these off in a kinko�s.

I posted some in our neighborhood.

You were very active before coming in.

Your wife got any medical condition?

No.

Were you having domestic problems?

I got on her nerves a little,

but that�s how it goes when you�ve been married

30 years.

Maybe i�m a little sloppy or i�m late

or i�m a procrastinator

or whatever the complaint is,

but we didn�t have any big blowup.

She�s never done anything like this before.

What kind of errands was she going to run?

I didn�t ask.

And what was the trip to St. augustine for?

To put our vacation house on the market.

She was going to pack our things.

Did your wife ever talk about doing away with herself?

Not to me.

What kind of work you in, Mr. Gunther?

I have a small manufacturing company

over in Brooklyn. We make lampshades.

You got any enemies? Not to my knowledge.

Is there a chance that,

your wife could have been involved with someone else?

I�d say no, though I suppose

it�s always a possibility.

Well, we�ll, certainly put this

in the hands of missing persons,

and, we�ll open a file on it ourselves

based on this thorough information

you�ve provided, with these fliers

from kinko�s.

All right.

We�ll all hope for the best.

Thank you.

Shall I show myself out?

Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

I think we now know, Baldwin,

how a male resident of Mars

would report his wife missing.

Man: This is where we�re going?

Woman: Sit there, Noel.

My heart is going like crazy.

Sit down.

Can I help you?

I�m Nikki Cameron, a friend of Mr. Beller�s.

I�m so sorry about your collection.

It�s very considerate of you to say.

Detective, this is Mr. Beller.

How�s it going?

How�s it going?

Mr. Beller�s art collection

was stolen.

It�s my case.

If it�s your case,

and you know that the collection�s been stolen,

why would you ask me, "how are things going?"

Either of you has a gun, feel free to shoot me.

I meant it like "hello."

Thank you.

My partner Danny Sorenson. Don�t ask how it�s going.

Hi.

Mr. Beller, who had his art collection stolen.

What did you say?

Not that you had it stolen. Now this is going to be a pip.

Who would you be?

Nikki Cameron. I�ve been visiting Mr. Beller.

Where from?

Santa Monica...California.

I�ve been preparing an article on Mr. Beller�s collection.

You might call it "objets collected with love,

"and i�d like to think some amount of discernment

gone forever from Noel beller�s possession."

Don�t take a defeatist tone.

What all did you lose?

Off the top of my head, what all I lost was a mondrian

appraised at $4 million 7 years ago.

With the arriviste Internet money

bloating the market,

it would bring three times that today.

Yeah, well, evidently not to me.

And I also lost an Arthur dove watercolor

and a Stuart Davis gouache and some giacometti drawings.

Thank god at least they were all insured.

Not that that can compensate for the emotional devastation.

These are things i�ve had for a very long time.

I also lost all my jewelry --

diamond ring, diamond cuff links.

All of it�s going to end up in some pawn shop.

Keeping some drug addict in heroin.

Your door locks.

You could see where the burglar

pushed the door open.

You could see the damage he did.

Somebody beat the door. Who else has keys?

No one. I live alone.

You got a set for friends?

No, nor do Mr. Beller�s friends take that amiss.

My cousin moved to Europe about a year ago.

He had a set.

We�ll need that name.

He would never do something like this.

This is Evan?

Just don�t make it sound

like I was accusing him.

His name is Evan sibley,

and i�ll get you his phone number in Paris.

Evan committing a burglary, that�s completely impossible.

Anyone angry at you?

Only those I choose to be disagreeable to.

Business disputes with anyone?

Nikki: Mr. Beller doesn�t have any business

to be disputatious about.

What do you do with yourself?

I have my interests, little routines.

Any photos of these artworks?

Photographs were taken for the insurance policy.

Did you bring those in?

I�m a dolt.

I�m incapable right now of a cogent act.

I�ll see that you get the photos

and a list of possessions that were taken.

Good. Thanks very much.

Are you staying at Mr. Beller�s place?

No, the essex house.

Alone?

Yes. Why?

Just to make sure the room�s in your name.

Anyways, our job�s got task force detectives

that specialize in this type of crime.

We�ll be staying in touch with you.

All right.

Sorry you lost all your art.

You might have commiserated by offering me

some sort of beverage.

You want a beverage?

No, not now.

How about a cup of liquid drano?

That wouldn�t be the first toxic chemical

he�s ingested today.

The mondrian�s worth a lot of money.

The dove�s a minor piece.

The Davis is a minor piece.

The giacometti drawings are decent.

Someone had keys to this guy�s place.

Andy: Knocked off the doorknobs

to make it look like a break-in,

but it was the inside doorknob they banged around.

What about beller?

He�s a social-type douche bag.

You see him in party photos in them society magazines.

Ever hear he�s got money problems?

No, he�s supposed to be loaded.

I think his grandfather made toilet bowls or something.

You�ll notify the guilds?

And the FBI and Interpol,

and I have ears with a few criminal receivers.

Thanks a lot for coming in, Wally.

You took weight off, didn�t you?

A few pounds.

My vacation, i�m going on a ruthless

exercise and diet regime.

When�s that coming up?

June 14, pal. 10 weeks and counting.

Why?

I just thought you might go for income tax day.

Wait till you hit 35

and your metabolism slows down.

Wally can�t see 35 no more in his rear-view mirror.

People start to diet when their stomachs stick out farther

than their dicky-doo.

This, cousin

that had a set of keys to the place...

Evan sibley.

That beller thinks is in Paris.

We call. 2-week-old message on the answering machine

says he�s in New York.

We got a place for him?

He�s staying with friends in the village.

That�s probably worth an unannounced appearance.

I wouldn�t be giving him any notice.

John: May I help you?

That�s beller�s friend?

Yeah -- Nikki Cameron.

We like her?

She shows up in town and the guy gets robbed.

I�ll go talk to her.

Find out where she got them long legs.

You don�t want to talk to her?

If she�s going to try to work something,

she�s going to do it with him.

How�s it going, miss Cameron?

Hi.

Permit me to immediately offer you a beverage.

I�m not a stickler the way Noel is.

Why don�t we talk in our refreshment area,

where besides coffee, we�ve also got soda

and bottled water and food that�s been

left in our refrigerator periods up to several weeks.

I wish I could say i�d never heard of such a thing.

Food left to spoil in the fridge --

the universal sin of single people.

Do you have, like, a sprite?

There�s an upset.

What do you mean?

You wanting a sprite.

You remember Tom Cruise in "cocktail,"

the way he�d throw that drink over his shoulder

before he poured it?

Yeah.

You want me to do that for you?

I think it might spray.

I�ll just open it up and pour.

Please don�t suspect me because i�m nervous.

Okay.

Okay.

Why don�t you have a seat?

If Noel feels you�ve overstepped,

he can be vindictive,

and i�m not in a position at the moment

where that would be very good for me.

That�s what i�m nervous about.

You can beat your nerves. Just say what�s on your mind.

Ha. You make life sound very simple.

Evan sibley -- noel�s cousin in Paris...

That had the extra set of keys

to Mr. Beller�s apartment.

Evan that had the extra set of keys --

he�s in New York.

Is that right?

And he has been for a couple of weeks.

How do you know this?

After we left, I suggested to Noel that he call Evan

to find out if Evan had lost the keys

or for whatever reason. I mean, why not call him?

Sure.

And Noel wouldn�t,

and so when Noel was in the kitchen,

I called evan�s number,

and his message machine said that from march 12th

he was going to be in New York City.

Did you feel he knew his cousin was in town?

I had that feeling.

How did you know that?

Anyways, we made that phone call to Paris,

also, miss Cameron. We know he�s in town,

and we�re going to see if we can talk to Mr. Sibley.

All right. That�s great,

because the big thing for me,

whoever did this,

I don�t need Noel angry at me.

Or he won�t let you do the art magazine article.

Which would be my first.

I�m a bit of a hanger-on at the moment, detective.

At this point, my biggest accomplishment in life

is having parents who sent me to vassar.

How about if Mr. Beller stole the paintings himself

and he�s trying to frame his cousin?

Then you could sell your article

to people magazine.

I don�t know if that would be the exact venue,

but the piece would have a larger audience.

I appreciate you coming in with this information.

Thanks for the sprite.

Well, why don�t you take it with you?

No, thanks.

All right, i�ll walk you out.

You were right about the upset.

That�s the first sprite

I drank since I was a junior in high school,

and if you asked why, I couldn�t tell you.

Have they got a new ad campaign?

Maybe that�s it.

So, you�re not going anywhere, are you,

in terms of leaving our fair city?

No, i�ll be around.

Good. That�s great.

Bye.

She�s got something to do with it.

Maybe you could find out over a banana split

at rumpelstilskin�s.

That�s right near the essex house, ain�t it?

Rumpelmayer�s.

That pink dopey place with all the ice cream.

I read about rumpelmayer�s

in the first book I bought about New York.

When each of my sisters turned 10,

I took them there for their birthday parties.

I heard it�s very nice.

So should we make our unannounced visit

to this Evan sibley?

Yeah, we�ll just give her a chance

to clear the building before we go.

How you doing?

This yvette Gunther listed missing

on the light pole fliers --

mention of a reward?

You know anything about her whereabouts?

Well, I rented a car to a Dwight Gunther

yesterday that behaved pretty strange.

Is that so?

Yeah.

That�s me --

Randall Dixon, reliance auto rental.

Baldwin Jones. I�m a detective here.

Come on in, Mr. Dixon.

Where it�s got "reward" -- who is it offering that?

Here, right straight ahead.

Baldwin: Hey, Greg. Randall Dixon,

this is my partner detective medavoy.

Yeah, how�s it going, Randall?

Where it says "reward," who is offering that?

Mr. Dixon said he rented a car

to Mr. Gunther yesterday...

Station wagon.

And that Mr. Gunther was behaving strange.

Strange?

Um...

In what way?

Put me through any amount of hassle

on the r. A. Right out on the street.

The r. A.?

The rental agreement on the station wagon.

Demanded I give him a discount.

Wanted the 7-day discount,

but he ordered the car that morning.

I said he couldn�t have it.

He says, "take the wagon back.

I�ll go someplace they appreciate my business."

That�s what you thought was strange.

So I off-load the luggage

that I just helped him load up,

and then he says, "all right, never mind.

I�ll take the caravan without the discount."

So I said to him, "if you think i�m reloading

"that damn luggage you just had me off-load,

I hope you�re driving to see a psychiatrist."

It was like he didn�t hear me.

Just signed the r. A.

And loaded his luggage back up himself.

I didn�t have him drop me back at the office.

Let him drive off with me standing in the street.

Had one of my own men come and get me.

How would you describe the luggage

you were loading and off-loading,

Mr. Dixon?

Just three pieces standard-size

plaid-pattern luggage.

Didn�t have any peculiar smell

to them, or the like?

God!

That�s just an exploratory question we need to ask,

and which you say there was no peculiar smell.

No, but I loaded and off-loaded that luggage.

Don�t get ahead of yourself.

You did a very civic thing coming in,

reporting the possibly suspicious behavior

of this Mr. Gunther.

Past that, let�s leave the gruesome imaginings

to, "tales of the crypt."

So, who�s offering the reward in this thing?

In -- in terms of those fliers,

that would, actually be Mr. Gunther himself

that put those in circulation.

The Mr. Gunther i�m in here reporting.

That would be the one.

So he wouldn�t be giving me any reward, would he?

I gave up four hours of work for this.

Another happy customer.

When this guy shows up telling US

how his wife has gone missing,

Greg and I had the same reaction.

She just picked a new lifestyle

that didn�t involve living with someone who talked

like hal in the "2001" movie.

But this car rental agent

comes in contradicting everything

this robot-sounding guy told US.

You think the robot-sounding guy might have killed her?

Wacky as he acted with US,

Baldwin and me definitely think you got to look at this guy

for maybe portioning out his wife

among them three plaid-patterned suitcases.

How do you want to go at him?

We figure firing our retro thrusters,

we could achieve orbital insertion

around this gunther�s planet.

At that point we descend to his home planet�s surface

in our landing module.

This wacky Gunther...

And, once we�ve initiated contact,

we could, maybe bring him back to our home planet.

Why don�t you go ahead and talk to him again?

Yeah, we�ll go ahead and re-interview.

The next time you�re watching

from the comfort of your dinghy

while i�m being tossed and battered

by the ocean waves, Baldwin,

you might consider some kind of rescue effort.

And where did you want me leaping in, partner?

The retro thruster, the landing module?

Anyways, you�re on point

re-interviewing this wack job.

And I know you got our perimeter

if our retro blaster don�t malfunction.

Never again refer to that conversation.

How�s it going?

Everyone, including the mortally wounded,

get asked, "how�s it going?"

Greg: How�s it going?

Yeah, how�s it going?

Check it out, Andy.

Who�s that with him?

Gentlemen, how�s it going?

This is my cousin Evan sibley.

How coincidental.

We were just looking for you.

I wish I could�ve saved you a trip.

Pish.

Your cousin explain why we wanted to talk to you?

His apartment has been robbed and I have the spare keys.

Even apart from evan�s exemplary character,

don�t my jimmied doorknobs suggest a theft by intruders?

Actually, your doorknobs were jimmied from the inside.

My goodness.

You didn�t realize they were jimmied from the inside?

I don�t suppose I realized the full implication.

Thank goodness

character still insulates you from suspicion, Evan.

Noel, I don�t even like your art.

Of course the thief would never let his own taste

circumscribe the fare he took to market.

So you�re accusing me of stealing your things?

Certainly not.

For one thing, that would be up to these gentlemen.

Fellas, are you entertaining any suspicions of Mr. Sibley?

How is it going in that regard?

This is about Macao, isn�t it, Noel?

Macao?

Noel came down with gout and was put off with some friends and I

because we wouldn�t postpone our trip.

Can you account for your time in the last 24 hours?

I�ve been with people every minute

for the last four days.

There. That disposes of it.

What�s your act exactly, Mr. Beller?

Is this some kind of skippy-whip --

putting US through our paces?

My suspicions are increasingly focused on Ms. Cameron.

That started when?

I�ve just been putting two and two together.

Meaning you liked her from the jump.

If it�s not her, you want to know who I like? You.

$34 million and counting, detective.

That don�t rule you out yet in my book,

�cause i�m figuring you�re the kind of hump jerk-off

one day finds his little interests and routines --

they don�t hold his attention no more.

Decides he�s going to put zest in his life

by doing something naughty.

I�m flattered, detective,

but I don�t have that much imagination or nerve.

Perhaps if I didn�t take so much Vicodin.

Actually, I believe Ms. Cameron is back at my apartment.

I suppose for your purposes

my presence would be an impediment.

So, any special knock code we should use?

No. Just press the bell vigorously.

Mr. Sibley, we�re sorry to put you out.

Enjoyed the floor show.

See? None of them will let you like them.

Nikki: Noel?

Detectives, Ms. Cameron.

Sure. Just a minute.

Hi.

Hi.

Noel�s not here.

He told US you were.

He told you?

Said he�d started having misgivings --

maybe you were involved stealing his art.

Noel can be perverse.

We don�t think sex preference factors in.

You want to walk US through your whereabouts since last night,

and if maybe someone could vouch for them?

Million square-foot living room

with not one phone in it?

The well-to-do don�t have phones in the living room.

What the hell magazines are you reading?

Gun, Danny!

Danny: Face down.

He�s got a door behind him.

Where does the damn door go?

Nowhere. Into the closet.

You lay your gun down or you die here, pal!

What�s his name? Derrick.

You want to die in this asshole�s apartment

over a larceny collar?

I got emergency services coming, Andy.

Off your work as a thief,

I don�t see you being much with that gun,

and I am not going to let

an emergency service take my collar.

Now lay it down, or I start shooting.

Derrick, for god�s sake!

Lay it down!

All right!

Don�t toss it!

Lay it on the ground and push it away.

Pushing it away. Getting on the ground.

Get up.

Lay down.

You son of a bitch!

You�re going to point a gun at me!

What? Beller residence.

Wait, excuse me a second. Say that again.

Beller: How is my little play going?

What?

Well, nikki�s here, Mr. Beller.

Is Derrick there?

This inbred hump.

Yeah, derrick�s here, who had a surprise prop with him.

What sort of prop?

Never mind. It�s not important.

I confided to Nikki

my suspicions about what she�d done,

and we agreed i�d meet her at 4:00 to ransom my art.

Nikki, were you surprised when the police showed up?

Can Nikki hear me now?

I got to ring off now, Mr. B.

Come by the station house to see US.

Take your curtain call there.

Bravo, detectives.

Wonderful.

I�ll give him a curtain call.

Danny: Come on, get up.

Yeah, walked US into a possible ambush -- absolutely.

Any trouble, i�m going to break your finger

that you had on that trigger off your hand.

Stand up, Nikki.

These cuffs are tight.

Yeah, they come like that from the factory.

We said we�d come get you at 4:00.

I�m sorry about jumping the gun.

I was hoping there�s good news about yvette.

As far as that goes,

a woman more or less fitting your wife�s description

turned up disoriented in Atlantic city,

identifying herself as a Mrs. Gunderson.

Fitting my wife�s description?

More or less.

I�d like very much to meet this woman.

Have you known your wife

to take day trips to Atlantic city --

enjoy playing the slots or the like?

No, not that i�m aware of. I�d like to meet this woman.

If it�s your wife, I guess you�ve already met her.

Yes, if it�s yvette.

Right now you�re supposed to be asking,

"have we got a phone number where I can talk to her?

Hope she�s all right."

"I�m going to be so relieved if it is my wife."

All that goes without saying.

No. Usually it all gets said.

Well, have you got a phone number?

We went to your plant earlier.

Some of your employees said they saw you

drive out in the weeds behind the place this morning

and take out some suitcases

and then put them back in your car.

Yes, I did.

What was in those suitcases you wanted to ditch?

Things of yvette�s I wanted to be rid of.

And where are the suitcases now?

I took them to a dump. Can�t remember which one.

There was some sort of fire going in all the refuse,

and I tossed them in there.

Why don�t we take a ride? Maybe it�ll come back to you.

I want to put all this behind me

and speak to that woman in Atlantic city.

What�s your hope here, Mr. Gunther --

you murdered your wife, now you�re going to start anew

with some woman has amnesia?

You know what luminol is, mr Gunther?

It�s a spray we put down at crime scenes.

It makes blood residue glow.

Nobody in history

has ever been cut into parts small enough

to fit into three suitcases

without luminol picking out residue

at the dismemberment site.

Before we get the warrant to go into your house

and lay down the luminol and 100% incriminate you,

you got a chance to make a statement

where it will count for something with a judge

instead of after you�re incriminated

when it don�t count for Jack.

But all of this is moot

if the woman in Atlantic city is yvette.

Is she, Mr. Gunther?

You might ask if that woman

is tolerable in any way as a human being,

which would rule her out absolutely

as being my wife.

Meaning you did away with Mrs. Gunther --

dismembered her --

put her in the three suitcases,

and your employees seeing you out back of the plant

was you looking to dispose of her body,

which, evidently, you then took her to a dump.

Well, the truth is,

I can�t seem to dispose of her.

I take her places

and wind up bringing her back into the house.

Is either of you married?

I was.

How did you ever get rid of her?

She dumped me.

Not in the same sense

that you were looking to dump Mrs. Gunther.

You�ll get him situated?

Yeah, Derrick and all 25 of his calibers.

Let me get someone doing a cavity search on her.

Come on.

The only situating you�re going to be doing for me

is calling me a lawyer.

Okay, you�re a lawyer. That�s a step down from stealing.

Kiss my ass.

Excuse me.

I think I said "kiss my ass! "

You got a minute, Diane, before a bomb blows?

Sure.

This one needs to be searched.

Diane: Go in there.

Hey, Derrick,

let�s hear how "kiss my ass" sounds with a puff nose.

Kith my ath -- come on.

Derrick would like to know

if there�s anyone in the pokey.

Detectives medavoy and Jones are in the pokey.

Interview three is open.

That�s the answer to one question I did ask

and one I didn�t.

Yes, the pokey is occupied.

Let�s sit you down on the bench here temporarily.

May I offer him a tissue?

Just relax.

Sure, i�ll know to come here

next time that�s what I want to do.

Is that enough wisecracks?

�cause this is where you are right now.

I�m going to lay some things out for you

that if you�re up to do it,

maybe you�re going to save yourself some years.

Let her put her sweater back on.

Okay, commander.

Sorry.

What�s up, Andy?

You need this room?

We�re taking a statement.

And i�m asking if you need this room.

Not this one particularly, no.

We need this particular room.

We can move.

Thank you.

I actually prefer the refreshment room.

Whatever you tell US don�t get you no years off

if we can�t corroborate it.

How would you corroborate it?

Either if can we get you and Derrick

into a room that�s miked

and you get Derrick talking about what he did,

or otherwise, are you willing to be wired?

You get him talking.

What if he doesn�t say anything

that corroborates my innocence?

Are you innocent?

The tape will confirm your guilt and his,

but your wearing a wire shows constructive cooperation.

Which translates to time off.

How come i�m the lucky one?

Your pal Derrick pulling that piece --

that moved him to the head of the line.

This is where you want to say yes, Nikki.

I�ll do whatever I have to do.

Good.

She don�t need to be miked. We got the pokey room.

Are you supposed to be in here?

I�m probably not the one you need to ask.

�cause he�s supposed to go in the pokey.

The policewoman left here about three minutes ago.

Set you up in another interview room?

I don�t know.

So when you aren�t pulling someone around by the nose,

you people don�t know what you�re doing.

Hey, i�ll grab you by the nose

if you want to do it that way.

Come on.

In here.

Don�t be talking to each other.

That�s a 2-way mirror,

and you are under observation.

Andy: Always tell them the truth.

It�s the one thing they never believe.

So, you got your legs up for them, Nikki?

Leave me alone.

Get yourself a lawyer and keep your mouth shut.

I�m just sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

Are you getting a lawyer? �cause we can ride this out.

Is that why you pulled the gun on those cops --

because you were so confident with the right representation

we could ride this out?

Was that you wasted and broke under that statue at caesar�s

with your wise mouth and your college education,

and was that me that put you back on your feet?

I wish you would�ve left me there.

Going on about your rich friends so i�d know

how lucky I was that you were giving me a piece of ass.

Little did I know i�d wind up forced across the country

at gunpoint so we could Rob one of them.

That gun was on you all the time.

I never tried to Rob anyone in my life till I met you.

It�s like how I made you scream in bed.

You just didn�t know you had it in you.

That�s good enough?

Yeah, that�s good enough.

I do wish

you�d let detectives Sorenson and sipowicz know i�m here.

They told me to hang out with you, Mr. Beller.

Look, i�ve been instrumental in their case.

They specifically asked me to come to the station house.

They wouldn�t want me to be cooling my heels.

Actually, I think they got

about 18 months of that in mind.

Excuse me?

Not my case, not my place.

That almost reaches the quality of the metaphysical --

your little police aphorism.

You know, I don�t think someone with your problems

ought to be making comments about my ass.

What problem, detective? What 18 months?

18 months for impeding police administration, Mr. Beller.

Are you saying they�re intending

to take me into custody?

You think i�m leaning my police aphorism

against this desk because I like keeping company

with a lame-o Vicodin freak?

Are they intending to arrest me?

I�m just the p. A. A.

I demand to see detective sipowicz or Sorenson.

A collar only gets one call.

I think you ought to be deciding

whether that�s going to be your lawyer or your dealer.

I didn�t intend to impede police administration.

I think being robbed

entitled me to some small amusement

orchestrating the thieves� capture.

Well, that�s �cause you�re a lame-o Vicodin freak.

Danny: How�s it going, Mr. Beller?

Not well.

I don�t think Mr. Beller

really understands his situation yet.

If you shout up his ass

when his head�s positioned right --

one of his ears pointed towards the outside world --

he gets some kind of clue what�s going on.

How people doing their jobs,

which includes trying to get his art back,

which he earned with the sweat of his grandfather�s brow...

Grandpa was in toilet bowl manufacture?

How people like that might get pissed off

his idea of a hoot

is sending them into an apartment

where someone dumb enough to use it�s got a gun out.

Derrick had a gun out?

Somebody out to tape record you saying that

and make you listen to it for the rest of your life.

Could I do that as an alternative to jail?

No one�s sending you to jail, douche bag.

Thanks.

No problem.

Night.

So this was just some little morality play

staged for my benefit?

Now where would we get an idea to do something like that?

What would benefit you --

somebody smacking you in the back of the head

for about six straight hours, but we got homes to go to.

The art is at the essex house.

It�s got to be vouchered and held as evidence.

You�ll get it back.

Our pleasure.

Take a hike, Mr. Beller.

You don�t want to call the desk sergeant

and have some cop toss this prick for his pills?

Not to collar him?

No. Just to give him a farewell scare.

Yeah, we could do that, but it would be beneath US.

"I would not eat them from a box.

I would not eat them with a fox."

You do yours.

"I would not eat them here or there.

"I would not eat them anywhere.

"I do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam I am."

Now yours.

I would not eat them in a bus.

I would not put them in my truss.

I, i�d throw a few at cousin Gus...

But not at Larry, moe, or Pete.

Theo, do you remember when you were sick

and you did these watercolors with aunt Katy?

I would not eat them in your shoe.

Yeah, we�ll do more "Sam I am" later,

but, here, look at these watercolors that you made.

There�s the park.

Did these come to you

�cause you had the fever, son,

or could you turn them out on a regular basis?

That�s me and Gregory.

Yeah, that�s -- that�s you and your pal Gregory.

I would not eat them with my pal Gregory.

All right, but i�ll tell you,

I think those are great paintings,

and if you ever feel like picking up a brush,

you just holler.

I don�t feel like picking up a brush.

All right, but let me tell you...

Guys are painting crap out there

that don�t hold a candle to your stuff,

and they are making some living at it, too.

Okay.

I would not put them in your nose.

No, don�t pick my nose hairs, Theo.

"I would not, could not, in the rain.

I would not, could not, on a train."

"I do not like green eggs and ham."

"I do not like them, Sam I am."