Original subtitles

(audience laughs)

(whistling)

- That one's goofing off.

How soon do you think you'll able

to bring back your spaceship, Uncle Martin.

- Well, as soon as the parts are repaired.

Of course, the ship's hidden in the underbrush,

but someone could stumble across it.

- Well, it's a good thing you didn't breakdown

on Broadway Main Street.

- Now, I don't conduct test flights on Broadway Main Street.

Show off.

(audience laughs)

I need your help in getting the ship back Tim.

- Oh no, not me.

Listen, I get dizzy just going up in an escalator.

- Well, according to Mrs. Brown.

- Yeah, well I love her,

but she's dizzy even on the ground.

- I meant I want you to keep her occupied

when I bring the ship in.

It's one thing to be an unidentified flying object

up in the wild blue yonder,

and quite another to be seen on Mrs. Brown's patio.

You'll have to keep her busy while I'm landing.

- How come I get all the hard jobs.

Well, okay.

But it's going to be a pretty dull afternoon for me.

- Let's just call it your contribution to

interplanetary relationship.

- Why couldn't I have gotten an apartment

in Jayne Mansfield backyard.

Well, I like girls.

(electronic beeps)

(cheery music)

- You sure you want to learn the tango?

- Well, you said it was your favorite dance, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, well.

Of course, that was years ago,

and I was terribly young.

- Well Mrs. Brown, you're still terribly young,

which is why I think you do not the tango at all.

- Well, you are in for a surprise.

(tango music)

- Oh come on, Uncle Martin.

Hurry up.

- Ole.

- Ole.

I guess.

(audience laughs)

Mrs. Brown,

Mrs. Brown, do you mind if we sit the rest of this out,

it's a little hot for dancing.

- All right, let's go in the garden and cool off.

- You mean outside, you mean (unintelligible)?

- You said it was too hot to dance.

- Not too hot, no.

Let's dance.

Ole.

- Oh they're here.

- Who's here?

- My family.

- Your family.

Oh boy.

Uncle Martin, wherever you are,

stay there.

- Did you have a good trip?

- Oh, lovely.

Wasn't it lovely Henry?

This nice young man pulled in right behind us.

- Oh, I didn't introduce you.

These are my lovely tenants Tim and Martin O'Hara.

And this is my sister Dulcy, and her husband Henry,

and her little sweetie pie Stanley.

(dog barks)

Oh, and that's George, he's a dog.

They've come to visit.

- Charming.

How long are they staying?

- How long are you staying?

- How long are you staying?

- A few days, I have a conference in San Diego.

- A few days, conference in San Diego.

- A few days, conference in San Diego.

Henry builds computing machines, don't you Henry?

- Don't you Henry?

- I'm taking the bags.

- George says he likes you.

- George said nothing of the kind, Stanley.

Dogs do not talk, they are incapable of speech.

This is a practical and realistic world, Stanley,

and there's not place in it for any such nonsense.

I want to hear no more about speaking dogs.

Now, pick up your bag and come into the house son.

- Do what your dad says, sweetie pie.

- What your daddy says, sweetie pie.

- Oh we got scads to talk about.

- Scads to talk about.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Do you hear an echo.

- Two Mrs. Browns, it's kind of like,

too much.

Uncle Martin, what happened to your spaceship,

how come you didn't land it.

Thank goodness.

- It was a close call Tim.

I was airborne over the freeway,

when I decided to tune in on the calls below.

You know, listen to a little chitchat.

- Yeah, well, Uncle Martin,

I hate to tell you this,

but these eavesdropping.

- Not where I come from.

Anyway, I picked up what sounded like

Mrs. Brown's voice,

which rather surprised me.

- Dulcy.

- Right.

I listened, discovered that they were heading here.

I immediately reversed my ship, headed for the hills,

and hid it in the underbrush again.

Now, it's going to be quite a problem getting it back here

with all those people around.

(George barks)

Really?

- Uncle Martin, I keep forgetting that you talk to dogs.

Well, Henry would be surprised.

- He'd be more surprised if he knew what George was saying.

- What, what did he say?

- That Henry's a killjoy that won't

let the boy have a childhood.

Stanley isn't permitted to believe in anything

that can't be computed on an electronic computer.

(George barks)

- Now what?

- George says he'd bite him,

only Henry would probably bite him back.

Look, I got my own troubles.

How am I going to get my ship back into the garage Tim?

(audience laughs)

- Nobody out there except Stanley and George.

- I can't risk it Tim.

I'll just have to bring the ship in during the night.

I'd hate to take off from unfamiliar terrain

in the darkness,

but it can't be helped.

I'll land when everyone's asleep tonight.

- Uh-oh, they're heading for the garage.

- My plans and tools are in there.

- Dogs, kids, spaceship, martians.

Why couldn't I live in Jayne Mansfield's backyard?

- Hi Stanley.

- Hi.

- How are you George?

- What's in the garage.

- Oh tools, and things.

- What kind of things.

- Legumes and diddledumps,

and bangwawawoopity woops,

and double-spotted pickle bumps.

- That's pretty good.

You know what I got?

- Don't tell me.

A talking ladybug?

- How'd you know?

- Well that's easy.

Everyone collects talking ladybugs.

- Wanna see?

- [Uncle Martin] Sure.

- Never mind.

- What's the matter Stan?

- It's just a ladybug, and ladybugs don't talk.

I was lying.

- You weren't lying Stanley, you imagine.

- My daddy says making up things aren't true is lying.

And make-belief is for people who can't face facts.

Life is realistic, and bugs and dogs can't talk.

- [Dulcy] Stanley, lunch sweetie pie.

- I have to go.

I can do square root.

(George barks)

- You're absolutely right, George.

It's wrong to deny a child a world of make-belief.

(George barks)

I couldn't agree more.

It's a pity that Stanley's father doesn't know

the difference between imagination and a lie.

(George growls)

Now, don't be ridiculous.

I'm in no position to adopt an eight year old boy,

and a big shaggy dog, who can talk to me.

Yeah.

(Spaceship humming)

(George barks)

- What's the matter, George?

(George barks)

Ssh, you'll wake everybody.

(George barks)

(Spaceship humming)

(audience laughs)

Daddy, I just saw a spaceman and a spaceship,

he went into the garage.

- I'm sure glad that you got

your spaceship back safe, Uncle Martin.

- Well I'll hardly run into traffic at that hour.

Good morning, George.

(George growls)

- What's the matter with George,

he's kind of unfriendly this morning.

- We've got a problem.

- What now.

- Well, he says he and Stanley saw me land last night.

- Stanley saw you?

- He didn't know it was me,

he thought it was a martian.

(Tim laughs)

- You are a martian.

- Oh, yes I am.

Anyway, he saw, what he refers to as

a spaceman and a space ship entered the garage.

- Holy Toledo.

(George barks)

What now?

- Stanley told his father what he saw.

- Oh boy. - Where are you going?

- Outer Mongolia.

- Don't panic.

Henry didn't believe Stanley.

- Oh, what are relief.

- Stanley is being punished right now for telling lies.

- Well you don't want Henry to believe Stanley, do you?

- This is an extremely ticklish situation.

Stanley's in soup for telling the truth.

- Yeah, and we're in the soup if Henry believes him too.

- I'm going to see what's going on.

(audience laughs)

- For the last time Stanley,

you did not see a spaceman and a spaceship,

there are no such things.

- It was a martian.

- There are no martians.

- But daddy I saw--

- Stanley.

- George saw him too, you can ask George.

- I cannot ask George, dogs do not talk Stanley.

I love you very much son,

but I'm going to have to be firm.

Talking dogs, talking ladybugs, and now martians.

I'm going to have to punish you Stanley,

not because I want to,

but because I must impress you with the seriousness

of the situation.

You will watch no television for two weeks.

- But daddy, if you just looked in the garage--

- I will not look in the garage,

I will make the point not to look in the garage.

I will not be a party to your fantasies.

I want you to repeat after me,

there are no spaceships.

- There are no spaceships.

- [Henry] There are no martians.

- There are no martians.

- There's a logical reason for everything that happens.

- There is ...

(Henry shrieks)

Daddy the book fell.

- I know it fell.

- No it was up in the air.

It was magic, daddy.

- There is no magic, it was probably an Earth tremor.

- I didn't feel anything.

- I'm certain if we checked the power tool,

we'll discover that the size graph

recorded an Earth tremor.

- It is magic.

- Earth tremor, Stanley.

Earth tremor.

- Stanley getting it?

- He sure is.

"There are no spaceships, there are no martians."

Smart aleck.

(George barking)

- Well, what's George saying?

- That it's all my fault.

That Stanley did see a spaceship,

and he's being punished unfairly.

(George barks)

All right, I'll do something.

I'll do something.

Something.

Oh, what is the shortest route to outer Mongolia?

- Now come on Uncle Martin,

you can't keep on bruting,

what's the sense?

And Stanley's not going to be in the dog house forever.

- I'm responsible for Stanley's dilemma,

and I can't be careless about it.

- Well you can't reveal yourself to Henry.

And aside from that,

you certainly can't interfere between a father and a child.

- You're absolutely right, Tim.

I simple have to put the whole thing out of my mind.

- I'm proud of you Uncle Martin.

Now, I know this is not an easy decision for you.

Hi, Stanley.

- I brought you checkers.

- Welcome, come on in.

I supposed you'd like to challenge me.

- Well, how are things Stanley?

How's the talking ladybug?

- Ladybug don't talk.

It's all make-believe.

It's imagining, and imagining is bad.

I'm not going to do it anymore.

- Aw, great things start with imagination, Stanley.

Great paintings, great poems,

even great scientific achievements.

Now, you take old Isaac Newton.

There he was this fine summer day,

sitting under this apple tree.

And ca-plop, an apple conks him on the noggin.

Now, did old Isaac Newton say, "Ah, an apple."

And proceed to consume it?

Not at all.

Not by the great horned toad he didn't.

He contemplated that apple,

and he contemplated the tree.

And he imagined.

He imaged great heavy objects, hurtling through space.

And out of a falling apple on a summer day,

and a fertile imagination,

came Newton's laws of gravity and motion.

- Gah-lee.

- That's not all.

Supposed Benjamin Franklin hadn't had the imagination

to fly that kite in an electrical storm.

- Your mother wants you Stanley.

Run along son.

I'll thank you kindly not

to fill my son's head with nonsense, Mr. O'hara.

As for Benjamin Franklin,

he caught a terrible cold in that storm

and nearly died of pneumonia.

Imagination indeed.

- I must say sir, this would be a pretty dull world

if it weren't for imagination.

Especially for a child.

Imagination and fantasy are the dividends,

the ecstatic attractions of childhood.

Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny.

- Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny?

Mr. O'hara, you are out of this world.

- I know, but that's beside the point.

- The Easter Bunny.

Really?

- That man.

That man.

- Yeah, well, simmer down.

Uncle Martin, think of your blood pressure.

- Martian's don't have any blood pressure.

- Ah, that's right.

Well, then start thinking about your future,

you're liable to blow one.

- That man's impossible.

- Well, he's got a logical mind, that's all.

Two and two always makes four.

- Not when they're rabbits.

I bet you he told Stanley that there is no Easter Bunny.

- There's no Easter Bunny?

- And no Santa Claus.

- That's un-American.

- It's even un-Martian.

(George whimpers)

All right, I'll do something.

I feel like big brother's watching me.

- Come on in, it's open.

- The garage--

- Ah!

- I beg your pardon?

- I just said, "Ah!" - Oh.

- What about the garage Mrs. Brown?

- The garage,

oh yes, the garage.

Well, you see the fire department just phoned,

it's fire prevention week,

and they'll be here first thing in the morning

to check the premises.

- All of the premises?

- Every nook and cranny.

So I'll have to ask you to please clear out

anything you have in the garage.

We do want to get a gold star now, don't we?

Bye.

- What's the shortest route to outer Mongolia?

- Pakistan.

- Well, then I'm going to Pakistan.

- Take it easy Tim.

- Come on now, how could you be so calm

at a time like this.

Listen, my metabolism is shaking like a bowl full of jelly.

- Tim, you know what I'm going to do?

- No.

- I'm going to kill two dinosaurs with one boulder.

- What?

- I'm going to get my spaceship out of the garage,

help Stanley, and teach Henry a lesson.

Now, I want you to get Mrs. Brown and her sister

out of the house this afternoon.

Tell them there's a sale at LaCie's or something.

Then make sure Henry's alone in the garden.

- Well I don't know if I can do that.

- Of course you can.

Think positive.

Remember Norman Vincent Peale.

- I'll do it.

- Good.

- Now what's the plan?

- It's brilliant, and infallible.

Tim, supposed we had never met.

- Oh, come on.

Bite your tongue.

- Thank you Tim.

But just supposed we had never met,

and one sunny afternoon

and you were out in the garden,

and suddenly a flying saucer appeared overhead.

What would you do?

- Well, I'd think I was imagining things.

- Good thinking.

- Oh.

Listen, you martians are pretty foxy aren't you?

- On Mars we call it "creative thinking."

- [Henry] It's hot son.

- How would you like to come up to my place

and play checkers?

- It's too nice of a day for Stanley to be indoors.

- How about a nice long walk?

- It's too close to dinner time.

Why don't you bring the checkers down here?

Stanley prefers chess but plays a fine game of checkers too.

- Yes, well, I'll bring down the set.

- I think the charcoal's just right son.

We'll put the hamburgers on in a few minutes.

No, please!

- And then this thing went "Bzzz."

- It wasn't a thing, it was a spaceship.

- Like from from Mars?

- Exactly.

They may be all around us,

it may be an invasion.

- Are you sure you feel okay man?

- I feel fine.

I tell you gotta get out an alert.

The ship was silver.

- I like silver.

- There is no time to waste.

Call Washington.

- He's dead.

- I don't mean George.

I don't mean you either.

I saw it.

- You saw it, but he didn't?

- He did, right son?

Tell them Stanley.

Tell them you saw it.

- Saw what?

- The spaceship.

- You said there aren't any spaceships daddy.

- There aren't but there was.

It went (imitates spaceship).

- Fire your rockets and prepare for reentry.

- Cut that out.

You saw it son, tell them.

- You said you didn't want me to lie.

- Stanley.

You saw it George.

Tell them.

- Dogs can't talk, you said so daddy.

- You stay out of this.

Nice old Georgey, good old Georgey.

Tell them you saw it, Georgey.

- Now, you take the Asprin, Henry.

And in no time at all you'll be your old self.

- I wasn't exactly crazy about his old self.

- Boy, is he shook up.

- I saw it.

I know I saw it.

I think I saw it.

- Maybe you've been working too hard.

- Yes, squaring all those roots.

- They didn't believe me.

It seemed so real.

- Imagination can seem real,

can't it Stanley?

And making-believe is fun, isn't it?

Well, it's been a long day.

I think I'll turn in.

Good night all.

Isn't it remarkable that,

out of all the machines devised by man,

not one can replace imagination?

You think they'll ever build a computer

that can write poetry,

or paints pictures,

or replace the look in a child's eye on Christmas morning?

- Why, Martin.

That's lovely.

- Do you believe in the Easter Bunny, Mrs. Brown?

- Of course.

- Mrs. Brown, I love you.

- Son.

- Yes, daddy?

- Could I see your talking ladybug?

- Gee, daddy.

- Take it easy, George.

And you can see it too.

- Your turn, Uncle Martin.

- Couldn't possible happen.

Or could it?