Original subtitles

(pleasant music)

(eerie music)

(laughter)

- Uncle Martin, look.

I've never had suspended hamburgers before,

but I'm willing to try anything once.

(eerie music)

Oh, now, come on, Uncle Martin.

It's Sunday.

Fun's fun, but you can put the tricks away.

(laughter)

Will you please cut this all out?

I mean, I'm trying to be Gary Good-Guy

and cook us a Sunday lunch, but I can't do it--

- Tim, Tim, I told you.

It's not me.

I'm not doing anything.

It's happening.

(tea kettle whistling)

(laughter)

- Come on, you know it's a sin to play with food.

(laughter)

(eerie music)

- Tim, Tim, it's happened.

By being on Earth, away from my environment,

I have a vitamin deficiency.

- You have a what?

- VDM-974.

Vitamin deficiency in a Martian due to

a lack of canal minerals and your peculiar oxygen.

- Come on, now, you're putting me on.

Now, why don't you just stop all these.

I mean, nutty is nutty.

- Tim, I told you, I'm not doing anything.

It's happening.

- Look, at least you could look at me

when you're talking to me.

Now look, whenever you talk to me, don't--

Uncle Martin, would you--

(snoring)

(laughter)

- Tim, you can't look at a Martian when he has VDM-974.

His deficiency draws on your sufficiency

and you go into instant sleep.

(snoring)

(laughter)

I'll have to leave the room for you to wake up again.

(eerie music)

(laughter)

I look like something out of an old English mystery movie.

The butler did it.

(laughter)

At least it will stop the instant sleep.

(electronic beeping)

("My Favorite Martian Theme Music")

(upbeat pleasant music)

- And that's what it is, 974 vitamin deficiency.

It comes on me suddenly and it starts drawing on me.

- And that's what put me to sleep.

- Yes, yes.

If you look directly into my eyes.

What a Martian is deficient in,

what I am deficient in,

I can automatically draw on from

surrounding elements and people.

- Now, wait a minute.

You mean, what you need, you take.

Well, your body takes.

Then, why sleep?

Why instant sleep?

- My body is low on energy and it draws on yours

and you go right to sleep.

- Boy, that is wild.

- What's happening is in my warning valve and

a basic deficiency must be fixed immediately.

- [Tim] Well, how do you do that?

- Well, there are certain pharmaceuticals that I need

that you have here in your Earth drug stores.

- Fine, well, then the first thing tomorrow morning--

- No, no, no.

I can't wait.

I said immediately.

Time!

I grow more and more deficient, weaker and weaker.

Eventually, I'm at the point of no return.

- No return?

- I disappear and no return.

First, I get the wobbles, then dizzy vision, then--

- Oh! Oh!

Today is Sunday!

There isn't a drug store open for five miles!

- I can't afford to wait.

- Could you please take off those dark glasses?

It's distracting when I think.

- I think it's a little more distracting

to think while you're asleep.

(laughter)

I can't risk eye contact.

- Oh, yeah.

Doc Mullen!

How about Doc Mullen?

Now, he is just a great guy and I know I can talk him

into opening his store on Sunday.

- Does he have fluorescent light?

- Oh yeah, I'm sure he does.

- Well, then I can't risk going into his store,

because I draw on fluorescent light.

(laughter)

I'll write down what I need in Latin and you get it for me.

- Latin?

- Like a doctor's prescription.

- Oh?

And who is the doctor?

Now, look, you can get Doc Mullen in an awful lot of trouble

with a forged prescription.

- Oh, you're right.

I know, I'll go with you and I'll give you a list

of ordinary, non-prescriptional things.

Then, I'll hide outside where he can't see me and

I'll levitate the two prescriptional items I need,

B-9714 and A-32.

(laughter)

- Why don't you just--

(whistling)

disappear?

- Oh, I can disappear but I won't have

the strength to come back.

(laughter)

- You're not going to hurt Doc any, are you?

I mean, uh--

- Tim!

How dare you?

- I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

It's just those dark glasses.

They're so spooky.

As a matter of fact, you look like a character

from one of those old English mystery movies.

(laughter)

- I realize that all we need is the fog.

How do you think I feel?

Like any minute, someone's going to

tap me on the shoulder and say,

"I beg your pardon, governor, but the butler did it."

(laughter)

"I'm Secret Agent 89."

- Beg pardon, governor, the butler did it

and I'm secret agent 89.

(laughter)

- Well, I really don't see the humor, Mrs. Brown.

Am I the first person you've ever seen

with dark sunglasses?

- No, but it's just that you look like something

out of an old English mystery movie.

(laughter)

- Please, Mrs. Brown, we've got to go.

Uncle Martin's not feeling well.

- Why, what's wrong?

Oh, that's why you're wearing dark glasses.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, then, something must be wrong with your--

(snoring)

(laughter)

- All right, Tim.

Let's go.

(laughter)

- Are you sleeping well?

If you're not sleeping well, this will do it.

It makes you sleep very well.

- I'm just fine.

No, it's my Uncle Martin.

He's staying with me.

(light suspenseful music)

- Does he know how to take this?

It's all right to give you this if you know how to take it.

- Oh, sure.

He knows how to take it.

As a matter of fact,

he went to medical school with Hippocrates.

(laughter)

- Hippocrates?

- Irving Hippocrates.

(laughter)

- Irving?

(light suspenseful music)

Who was that?

- Who was what?

- A man, I thought I saw a man.

Dark glasses, peering in.

As pharmacists, we have to be very careful.

We have very valuable drugs in here.

- Oh, I understand and I appreciate your coming down

and opening the store, especially for--

- There he is again.

Who is that?

(laughter)

- What?

What are you talking--

No, no, it couldn't be anything.

I'm sure it's nothing, Doc.

All you need to do is fill the prescription.

- Gee, I can't take chances, you know.

Opening on a Sunday, being in here alone.

- Oh, yes, well, I'm sure it's nothing.

- You must excuse me if I'm overly cautious, but you know,

if you read the newspapers and watch television,

especially those old English mystery movies

with the spooky men running around in dark sunglasses.

(laughter)

- Yeah, I understand.

(laughter)

- Funny how one's eyes plays tricks on one.

- Yes, isn't it?

(light suspenseful music)

(laughter)

(eerie music)

- Who is that?

- What? Where?

- Someone at the door keeps watching us.

- No, there's no one there.

I swear there isn't.

As far as I know, there's no one there.

Well, look who's there.

(laughter)

That's my little old uncle, Martin, that's who.

My little old Uncle Martin.

- What is he doing out there and wearing those dark glasses?

Have him come in here.

- No, he can't, he can't.

He's shy, he's very shy.

- But, if that's--

Tim, I don't think I'm gonna give that to you.

- But, but, you--

I'm gonna give it to him.

(laughter)

Now, let's see, where was I?

Oh, yes, just a little smidgen of--

(eerie music)

(laughter)

- Doc Mullen, this is my Uncle Martin.

- I'm glad to know you.

Now, I want to make sure you know exactly how to use this.

- Oh, I'm sure I do.

I've taken it many times.

It was very decent of you to open up for me.

- Yes, you see, you take half of it,

pour it into a glass of water and then

you stir well until it bubbles.

Do you understand?

- Yes.

- Yes, I won't let him forget, either, Doc.

- Yes and then you save the rest of it

for when you go to bed.

Wait a minute.

Now, I know why you wouldn't come in the store.

- Why?

- Something wrong with your eyes.

(laughter)

- That's right.

No, that's wrong.

- You have a cold in your--

(snoring)

(laughter)

- All right, let's go.

- Well, wait, wait.

What about--

- He'll be all right, I told you.

Once I walk away, he'll wake up.

(light playful music)

(laughter)

- Well, I still don't get it.

I mean, first you go to sleep, then you wake up

and you never know.

- You never know.

It happened to you this morning.

Did you know?

- Boy, that is really weird.

(laughter)

- Tim, be careful!

If you want to stay here,

I can't do this with dark glasses on.

Now, please, stand still and don't look at me.

(laughter)

- Weird.

- It is not weird.

It is a normal biological happenstance.

- Happenstance?

- The body's being depleted, the body goes to sleep.

The body regains its strength, the body wakes up.

(chuckling)

What's so funny?

- Nothing, nothing.

It just reminds me of a very old, horrible joke

that sort of goes like a song.

* When a body needs a body

* Coming through the eye

(laughter)

(laughing)

- I don't think that's horrible.

On Mars, that would be considered a very funny joke.

(laughter)

As soon as I get this mixture all dissolved and swallowed,

this madness will be gone.

I'll be back to Martian 333 plus seven,

which is Martian normal.

This mixture could eliminate all the crabgrass

in this neighborhood for years.

- It kills crabgrass and you're gonna drink it?

- It won't hurt me.

I'm not a lawn.

(laughter)

Now, do you have the A-32?

- [Lorelei] Tim? Martin?

- Tim, Tim!

Don't let her in here!

Keep her in the living room!

(upbeat playful music)

(laughter)

(light suspenseful music)

This is getting to be an old English mystery movie

and I'm doing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

(laughter)

- Mrs. Brown, why are you sleeping like that?

I mean, we were just standing here talking

and all of a sudden, you went to sleep.

(laughter)

Mrs. Brown?

- [Doc] Hello?

- Hello?

Who is it?

- [Doc] Doc Mullen.

- Come on in, Doc.

- Mrs. Brown?

- Hello, Mrs. Brown.

I'm sorry to bother you, Tim, but when you left my store,

I noticed that I put in some B-9714 by mistake

and I shouldn't have.

(snoring)

(laughter)

How come she's sleeping standing up, Tim?

(laughter)

- Doc Mullen?

(laughter)

Doc Mullen!

(snoring)

Why are you sleeping?

Why are you both sleeping?

(laughter)

I've got it.

I've got it!

Uncle Martin, Uncle Martin!

Come on in here!

I've got it!

(laughter)

- What is it?

What is it, Tim?

You've caught it!

- I have.

I've got it, I've got it.

- Yes, it's contagious and you've caught it.

Here, take this, quick.

(snoring)

(glass shattering)

(laughter)

- Uncle Martin?

(laughter)

Oh, that's beautiful.

That's just beautiful.

Now, what do I do?

(laughter)

(snoring)

Thanks a lot.

The least you could have done is all say "goodnight."

(laughter)

- Now, let's see.

If I leave the room, then they'll all wake up,

except they'll go right back to sleep because he's here.

Unless, of course, he doesn't look at them and then,

if I come back in again and he doesn't look at me,

we can get what we need from Doc Mullen.

(snoring)

Yeah, yeah, yes.

(laughter)

(upbeat playful music)

What if I've got it very bad?

Maybe I just have a slight touch.

I've got it bad.

(laughter)

I've got it bad.

Or have I?

(laughter)

I've got it bad.

(laughter)

- Oh, Martin, I just came up to find out how you feel.

Oh, say, you broke a glass!

I'll clean it up for you.

- Look, I don't mean to intrude but

is that the prescription I put up for you?

- Yes, yes it was.

- Good, you see, I think I put something in that

I shouldn't have.

(laughter)

See, I think I put this in your prescription--

Oh, hello, Tim.

- Hi, Doc.

- Doc Mullen just stopped in to remake his mix.

- Yes, it won't take long.

(laughter)

I'll have it mixed in a jiffy.

I think I'd better fix it in the kitchen.

- Listen--

- Ssh! Tim!

I have it figured out.

- What?

- What you have is not contagious.

You have Earth-sympathy pains.

When I become cured, so will you.

- I will?

- Yes, but meanwhile, if you look at me,

I'll go to sleep and if I look at you,

you'll go to sleep.

- What happens if we look at each other?

- I think we explode.

(laughter)

- Bachelors!

Isn't it nice to have a woman around the house?

- Very sweet of you, Mrs. Brown.

- You want to know something?

- What?

- Chicken soup.

- Hm?

- Chicken soup, if you're not feeling well.

No matter what Doc Mullen is fixing for you, chicken soup.

I'll go down and get some.

You know--

(laughter)

You know--

When I was a little girl, my mother would always fix me--

(snoring)

(laughter)

- Okay, into the kitchen.

We'll put him to sleep and get what we need.

- Wait, what about her?

- As soon as we leave the room, she'll be nearly normal.

- Nearly normal?

- You know Mrs. Brown.

(laughter)

- Chicken soup, yes, chicken soup.

That'll cure him.

(laughter)

- Look at me, Doc Mullen.

- Ssh, this is very important.

You must get just the right amount.

- Doc Mullen, look at me.

- Why?

What are you doing?

(snoring)

(laughter)

- Good work, Tim.

Do you have the vial B-9714?

- Yes.

- Vial.

(laughter)

Vial A-32?

- A-32, yeah.

- Vial.

(laughter)

Okay, let's go.

(playful music)

(laughter)

- I did it again.

I can't understand.

I must have the wrong label on one of my vials.

It's really a simple prescription.

- Doc Mullen?

- Yeah?

(snoring)

- It's not going to work, Tim.

He's going to smell that mixture every time he wakes up.

- Uncle Martin, I'm getting dizzy.

- So am I.

Hold on, Tim.

Let's let him wake up, mix the powders.

I'll levitate the vials and you distract him,

but don't put him to sleep.

I'll put in the powders that I need and

before he can smell it, I'll drink it.

- Okay, but I'm still getting dizzy.

- But, you're going to have to set up the vials

and uncap them.

- Oh, what do you mean?

Oh!

(laughter)

- My deficiency affects my levitation powers,

in terms of lift and distance.

All I can do is point the finger.

You have to set up the vials.

- Okay, but I hope I know what you're talking about.

Come on.

(playful music)

(laughter)

- Almost ready, Tim.

Almost ready, just--

Just a little bit of this and then a smidgen of this.

Now, this, this is about what we want.

- Doc, how about a little bit of that over there?

- This here?

Oh, no, you don't want that.

(light suspenseful music)

(laughter)

(eerie music)

(laughter)

- Yoo-hoo!

Here comes the chicken soup!

(laughter)

Well, I see I beat Doc Mullen with his prescription.

Mine's all done and piping hot.

Come on, Martin, down the hatch.

- No, no, Mrs. Brown, I told you.

I'm not overly fond of chicken soup, but Tim is.

He loves it.

- Oh, yes, yes.

I love chicken soup!

(laughter)

- You do?

Good, I have plenty.

- [Doc] Chicken soup is good.

It's a good coating for the stomach.

- But first, your Uncle Martin.

He's the one that's not feeling well, so he should be first.

(laughter)

- I told you, Mrs. Brown.

You make it too strong.

No, no, it's too powerful.

- Come on, Marty-boy.

One for Uncle Martin.

That's a good boy.

(laughter)

And one for Docky Mullens.

Oh, isn't that good?

And one for Timmy-poo.

(vocalizing)

I think he's feeling better.

- And ready for my witch's brew.

(vocalizing)

- Look at me, Tim!

Look at me!

I'm healthy!

I'm healthy enough for everyone!

The world! The universe!

- My, he is healthy!

Well, that was some chicken soup!

- And my powders!

- Hey, I feel good!

I feel great!

- Well, that's funny.

Suddenly, I feel very good, too,

and I didn't even have any chicken soup!

(laughter)

- Neither did I!

Who said that, me?

(laughter)

- Why don't you take Doc Mullen downstairs to your place

and feed him some chicken soup.

Tim and I will join you later.

- All righty, I'm for that!

(laughter)

- Wait, I'll clean that up for you!

(laughter)

- Wait a minute, Beautiful!

I'll get the door for you!

(laughter)

(crashing)

(upbeat playful music)

- What? What?

Why is my voice booming?

- Because of me.

I'm over-cured.

- From chicken soup?

- I got wobbly.

I had the vial levitated.

It spilled into the soup, all of it.

Too much.

- And me?

What about me?

- You, everybody.

Everybody around me.

When I'm deficient, I draw on my surroundings.

When I'm over-sufficient,

I project out into my surroundings.

You, Doc Mullen, Mrs. Brown, everybody.

The world, if they were here.

- That is incredible.

(crashing)

(laughter)

- Strength and health!

(vocalizing)

(glass shattering)

(laughter)

Sorry!

- [Tim] It's all right.

- Well, I'll take a nap.

Sleep lowers my metabolism and once this falls off,

it falls off quickly.

(dramatic music)

(laughter)

(crashing)

(laughter)

It's all right, Tim, it's all right.

Under these conditions,

it's hard to know one's own strength.

Lucky I didn't go through the floorboards.

(chuckling)

I haven't felt so good since I helped

Cleopatra build the pyramids.

Now, if I were you, Tim, I'd stand back over there

and keep out of harm's way now.

(snoring)

(laughter)

(snoring)

(pleasant music)

- Mm, that smells good.

- Well, you sound okay.

How was your morning?

- Perfect.

Adjusted again to your planet and

ready for my normal activities.

- Oh, boy, were you snoring last night!

And then, rearranging all of the furniture.

All I can say is I hope I never have to go through

another night like that.

- Well, by midnight, I was cured and that's

when your sympathy pains went away.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, how about Mrs. Brown and Doc Mullen?

- They will never suspect a thing except

that they felt very good about it.

Very good about your sympathy pains, Tim.

- What do you mean?

- Well, sympathy pains.

That's something that belongs to your planet.

My Martian illness is a Martian.

But it does show, for the most part,

that you people are headed in the right direction.

- Thanks.

Oh, and for my fellow Earthmen, I thank you.

(laughter)

(eerie music)

(laughter)

Martin!

- It's back!

- Have I done it?

- No, no, no.

It was just a residue.

Just a little after-effect.

- Oh.

What am I going to do with that hole?

- That was quite a shot.

Let's wait and see if it comes back.

(laughter)

- Back?

(laughter)

- Now, we can close the hole.

I'll get some plaster.

You know, if it had stayed out there,

that hamburger could have started

another flying saucer scare.

(laughter)

People would start wondering

if there was a Martian on Earth.

But, there are no Martians.

Just little old flying hamburgers, that's all.

(laughter)

("My Favorite Martian Theme Music")